Moral of the story go no contact on any past significant other that has disrespected you and undermined your worth, simple.

The point of no contact is to start focussing on yourself not to punish them. Retract your energy and redirect it back onto yourself. You need to take back your power For yourself. I see so many people using it as a tool to get exes back. They've had their chances.. Let them go. You deserve so much better

Your videos have been helping me to accept the situation.

No contact works, even if it doesn't bring them back, it helps you immensely. It's freeing. One's ex has all the time in the world to think about, face and fix their stuff.

10 years of knowing someone, 7 year relationship ended over a weekend of thought. A discard i would describe as from "outer space". The non answer answers of " i cant give you what you need.. you desver better i need to figure this out on my own" etc. Followed by "i dont want you out of my life, can we be friends?" Did the right thing myself and said if she wants me in her life, she has to contact me first. Going on 5 months of NC. Outdoors and therapy have been extremely helpful. Any questions, happy to answer.

I just want to say thank you for taking the time to help us people that have gone through a break up with an avoidant. It is not easy and it still hurts and im still a bit confused 9 months later, but watching your videos allows me to feel comfort. Thank you.

I think it’s so important that he stresses that no contact shows them, and YOU, that you deserve respect. Remember who you are and don’t let them waste your love or your time.

Sunday night all cuddles, intimacy and absolutely nothing to indicate what was to come. We had spent an amazing weekend together and after 5 months she was still looking at me with eyes that glowed and a smile that made me feel grateful for the love we had found. We had a small disagreement on the Monday not even an argument and it all started. Tuesday this woman was so cold, so emotionless and had completely shut me out 5 days later and where she once melted my heart she had ripped it from my chest and completely turned my life upside down without any remorse and the "I'd like us to stay friends". She had reduced out time together and made it sound like it was nothing to her and that it was all my fault that we had come to this place. Looking back I can see the red flags that she had displayed throughout our time together. We made no plans, cancelling them at the last moment, communication started to fade and she began to spend more time drinking after her work taking longer and longer to return back to me. Also and probably the worst was that she was clearly flirting openly at her work in the bar and quite open with the offers she was getting from other men. There's so much more and I chose to believe I could be enough but thanks to Coach Ryan I understand this was not me, I allowed it, but ultimately this person was emotionally incapable of commitment and loving me. Now I have to heal, that will take time but at least. She broke my heart but she has not broken me!!

This is such great content. No contact from avoidant my ex has been earth shattering but it’s completely necessary. I was discarded, she had a terrible traumatic childhood and completely shut down on me before she dumped me. Still trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, but this was the second time. Like Coach Ryan said you gotta put in the work and she’s just not. It’s heartbreaking, terrifying, etc. but I stick to my dignity. I don’t care how long it takes and I don’t think I’d take her back anyway. Her loss

100% accurate - I'm speaking through experience. 9 months of no contact and I would have gone on for 9 years coz I love him but I love myself far more. ❤️

Should never go back to them after being discarded.

My ex left me a month ago after constantly telling me how perfect I am to her and how perfect our relationship is. She has been saying that not only to me but also to our mutual friend and to her parents as well. And then, out of nowhere, she left me over a message saying that she is not capable of being in a relationship. It hurt like hell to be blindsided like that and being ditched like I never meant anything to her. It is only after the breakup that I realized there are various types of attachments and that my ex 1/1 falls under the avoidant type. It is hard not to send her a message and reach out to her but these videos help a great deal.

Coach Ryan, thank you so much, this is truly your best video so far and I am a fan from the beginning, as you started more or less after I’ve been discarded out of the blue via messenger after a three year relationship. I watch your videos on a daily basis as they help me to process what happened. Thank you for all your work and effort, it truly means a lot and I also like that you startet to interact with your viewers in the comment section 👌🏽 To everyone who has been thrown away like trash from one moment to another: please, keep no contact, reflect on your past relationship, try to be empathetic with your ex and understand their unsealed wounds, focus and work on yourself, get a coach or/and a therapist to support you during that phase, talk to your good friends - I would not have believed ten weeks ago, that I would come to a point to say that everything that happened, did so for a reason and was the best for myself. Let the avoidant go and make their own experiences and preserve your own energy for someone, who truly deserves it and will respect and love you the way, you deserve 🙏🏼 💪🏼

Just thinking about her makes me feel like I’m drunk. I literally feel so mentally drained like I can’t think straight.

If you are in a relationship with an " avoidant " & feel hurt for some reason, it's really your problem, at least in their eyes.

I blocked mine. Because I can’t take him back… it was too painful trying to work with him but he always ran off. I need time to just heal. I’ll unblock him when I’m healed from the relationship. Period. Nothing wrong with blocking someone who has been toying with your emotions

Coach Ryan...I am so thankful for your channel as I have said many times with previous videos - I was discarded in Oct of 2023 after a 3 year relationship over what seemed like a small disagreement to me and it devastated me...I'm still healing and I've been working on myself and learning as much as I can so that I don't put myself in this same situation again...I feel like you really understand personally the hurt and pain that others have experienced. Please know that you are educating and uplifting those that have been blindsided by avoidant behavior...I really appreciate it and have grown as a result your videos - GREAT WORK...Thank you a million times over and please don't stop doing what you do! 🙏 Those that agree - Please send Coach Ryan $Thanks if you can...we all can sense the love and attention in his videos to help and educate.

This video is an absolute GEM. Thank you so much. This is incredibly helpful to hear. It’s been a year since I went no contact. It was our 3 times breaking up. He said he didn’t like who he was becoming and didn’t want to change who he was. I had to respect his wish and keep my dignity. He was becoming very rude and disrespectful. I moved out and never looked back.

I really appreciate this video. Just got the discard but we have to live together for awhile. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want to be with me again, and yet he keeps trying to hang out with me, chit chat, etc. even called me “honey” once. So deeply painful and confusing. This video has helped me get a better sense of what is happening on his end and how I can navigate this. Keeping things civil but not starting conversations and being polite but as brief as possible when he asks me how my day was. My answer today was “Fine, thanks.” He still wants the benefits of being with me. I’m not giving him that. Thanks for helping me understand. And also for talking about avoidant without mentioning narcissism because lots of people are avoidant, not just people with NPD.

They don’t care, they’ll just go on a dating app and replace you.

even better then no contact is: run for the hills

He texted a long long text two months after discard, only writing about himself and his wellbeing, in the end adding "hope you are fine" No apology, acting as if nothing happened. "Hey, it's been a while" he started the message. I responded very brief a few days later: Thanks, am fine, ttyl" I did not address anything about him. He will not hear from me again.

It's a very painful experience indeed!! I experienced it for the past 2 years.... He fade slowly but I did understood so I kept on trying until he abruptly discarded me.

Wow man.. you can't beleive how much your videos are helping me.. I need to come back and watch this everynight to remind me the facts

remember guys,,it was just your turn,,,plenty of fish in the sea

Why would u go back after healing they will never change their the same as a narcissist very similar cold cut off and cruel

You are right Coach Ryan. I took them back for the second time but they hadn’t changed. I was just a back up option. The discard hurts more this time because he just ghosted me with no explanation. And yes he broke my trust. I wish I could believe that he loved me and cared for me but I don’t - I feel like he just used me for the benefits and when stuff on real they just blocked me. If I had known about attachment theory the first time round (over 20 years ago) I wouldn’t have taken him back for a world of hurt that he did to me the second time this time. It hurts more this time than last. Leopards never change their spots I guess.

Thank you for promoting healing from this 💕 I pray you continue to be supported and loved as precious as you are 🙏🏽

Thank you for being so thorough and explaining it so well.

Friggin' saved. Thank you for your infinite wisdom, Sensei Ryan.

you have such simple clarity, that really resonates with me. im so grateful I found your videos

thank you so much Coach Ryan 💙. blessing on you.

Your videos on KZfaq and TikTok have been helping overcome my recent breakup

I'm glad that I found you as all of what you're saying is hitting home for me...

I have totally healed thru your super amazing videoes 🎉thank you Ryan

Thank you, Coach Ryan.So, happy I came across your video in the early hours of this morning. Listening, closely. You are exactly right. He "has" to want it. I really don"t think he will heal. Told he wants to come back & "reconcile." After watchimg this video, my guard is up. You gave me the insight I needed as to how to handle him when he does contact me because I heard he wants to "sweep" everything under the rug, as you mentioned. I want him to be "accountable" not try to bend the rules his way & manipulate me.

Just last week we were planning a trip in Europe together, today it feels like we’re over. But no communication about it and when I try to talk about how I feel or about our relationship, she panics and everything gets worse. I like this woman so much and I’m confused and in a lot of pain. It was magical just moments ago and now it’s a curse, almost over night. I am so sad that this is our situation. Her 3yo daughter talks about me all the time and I didn’t realize this woman was avoidant until I was in waaaay too deep. Im craving her and our beautiful moments but am scared of saying anything about it. Feels like I’m losing this whatever I do and I have so much love to give, I feel utterly lost right now

Is there anyone who is healthy and really grounded??😢

This is very good insight and advice. VERY good. Thank❤you!

Thank you so much for these wonderful videos

I have experienced everything you mentioned in this video. I am amazed.

When will the withdrawal symptoms end though? 7.5 weeks of perfect no contact and I still get that anxiety/sad feeling in the pit of stomach regularly. Just want it to stop already.

I've been back in contact with mine after almost a 3 month ghosting period, some breadcrumbs, and then back to contact. She explained it as that she "just freaked out". I think things may have just been moving too fast for her. I've been letting her dictate the pace and have been giving her space. She's really an amazing person, and has opened up quite a bit, but I let her make the choice to do that.

Absolutely true amazing advice ❤❤

Really good video Coach. I’ve been ODing on no contact videos of all kinds from variety of coaches the past two days. This was one of the two most beneficial for me personally. Thanks for the solid no-frills cogent and applicable advice here!

Thank you. I'm doing this, it's the only solution. NO CONTACT EVER AGAIN!!!

Just thank you. it helps me a lot. I'm gonna see him tomorrow it's first time after breaking up because I had to end up on the phone as we were on a long distance. I won't go back him even deep down me want. but hopefully it will help his healing journey to begin like he wants a change

Great video. It was helpful. I subscribed, liked and hit the bell 🙏🔥

Coach Ryan is the MF GOAT

thank you somuch this is really helpful

Thanks!

Good video like always.

Excellent!

Thank you brother 🙏😇

6 months no contact. Not one word spoken between us since she dumped me via email. I deleted all her numbers, messages, unfriended her on FB everything. It was tough but had to be done. Most of my social media is set to friends only but occasionally I make a public post if it's important and I think someone might want to share it. Last week she liked a post of mine so she's obviously checking out my page. Any more of that and I'll block her.

11:15 this is key🔑🔑🔑 i messed up my no contact progress by not being prepared when he broke no contact, apologizing and asking to see me. I let him see me with no conditions.

The most messed up part is I gave her everything I had. And all of these people in the comments would give their all to their partner and yet nobody would ever do that for me. Why am I sitting here so unhappy and she is just ficking ok

Just went through this, in a situationship, literally just on the verge of becoming a relationship. 2 months of consistent and perhaps too much fun, we spent nearly 3/4 of that time together and the rest talking on the phone. I noticed her backing away last week when I went out of town for work and then she dropped out of nowhere "we have a compatibility issue" Her reason being she prefers men who are reserved and quiet. Her mother was in an out her whole life til ODing when she graduated highschool. Her dad was present but largely unemotional and semi cold. I noticed she would constantly deflect from conversations that were even slightly pushing deep on sensitive subjects that people dating talk about. She explained to me how just the week prior she was thinking of this becoming a relationship. It's so confusing, she did offer a little more info when I pushed for it during some closure but it was largely her saying "I'm sorry I am just shutting off my emotions and can't see past the compatibility" I told her to think on things but she seems unaffected and I'm doubtful things will change during NC. I left her a message before going NC that if she wants to reconnect I'm happy to address her boundaries or needs that she left unspoken. I tend to be expressive, I consider myself secure mostly but this brought back my anxious past tendencies

love your voice.

I am in a phase with NO CONTACT after a very difficult relationship with an avoidant right now. I do not want to reach out. But I am panicking that my ex could reach out to me. I am also afraid to meet her on the street or at an event. I started to avoid all places where I could meet her. I even quit my second job, because I could meet her there. I dont know if these feelings are normal after a break up with an avoidant. I just dont want to see her or interact with that person anymore. I also realize that my memory of the relationship has become kinda blurry. I remember everything that hurt me, but I dont remember the good times anymore. I feel numb and super disconnected. I dont know if this is normal...

It’s all good and well to take a hard line with the dumper(these videos always paint them as the villain) but what about if you were the main contributer to the breakup? She was avoidant, because I was anxious and vice-versa, but I certainly caused the most damage.

So my avoidant girlfriend texted me " I love you" and then she deleted it. I asked her about it and she said she accidentally pushed the button.

How about calling them out in an email as blunt and direct as they deserve? Like, no holds barred? Not to get a response - to WAKE THEM UP.

It's been 4 weeks of NC, I blocked him absolutely everywhere and locked down all my accounts to private, I don't want to deal with breadcrumbs I do plan to ignore him if he pops up just so he can know how it feels, I don't care if it's petty I'm hurt.

What about when they left when you were 3 months pregnant with your 2nd child? 12 yrs together & almody 6 of that married - 2 babies 1 & almost 3yr. He's in an ongoing affair with a co worker. In the middle of divorce. We hardly talk except for 5 mins at pick up & drop off.... 💔 I took him off everything fb insta etc... how can they experience your loss if they are deep in a affair?

Thank you. Is it normal.that they gat angry over nothing and when they do they say nasty things and things they know will hurt? She also wants me to give her lift home from work but says if I don't want to lots of others have offered. So why does she not ask them?? Its confusing

They NEVER self reflect - so an email showing examples of their behavior might shock them into doing that.

All I need is communication regarding our children cuz I want my kids to know that they are parents. Is it wrong?

What if you broke up with them because of their behavior

That they are parents.

My FA broke up with me and then messaged me daily for about 2 months with notions of false hope. He then began to fade away and I ended up chasing him for 3 months even though I tried so hard not to …I’m no longer reaching out, will no contact still have the same effect in regards to accessing their feelings at this stage?

3rd round of no contact. 7 weeks no contact so far. Seems like hes still in relief stage :(

What if it’s your husband and you have a child together?

My avoidant ex gf hasn’t come back and its been since December. Why hasn’t she reached out? I thought avoidant do come back?

👍👍🙏🙏⭐⭐♥♥

What if she is you next door neighbor and you see her everyday ?

My DA sent me a self-absorbed cliche ridden email... And I want to respond with some tough truths.

I don’t understand you say don’t take the breadcrumbs but don’t ignore them? What does that look like? I need clarification what is a breadcrumb and what isn’t? How do we not take breadcrumbs and not ignore them at the same time?

I have a question if anyone could answer please… my avoidant ex asked for a break/space. It’s been 5months. He has spoken to me here and there but he doesn’t think I am gone completely. Last week I msg him to check in and to invite him to meet up when he’s in my hometown in August. We meet every year and I had hope 😆 Anyways I know he thinks he can have me whenever he wants. Should I send a msg to him stating my boundaries and that him ghosting me isn’t okay? Otherwise I think the fear I’ve left hasn’t set in yet.

Really what is love ❤️ at 56 year old lady which I have been played to many times??

Unfortunately I’ve had to reach out because he had some of my things I needed back. And now we’re going to have to meet up irl to get them back after almost 3 months of not seeing each other/ having contact.

This is wrong advice! There is now a way to counsel avoidance to fix this. Find proper trained counselor! This is outdated info!

I’ve been playing this game with him for 4 years. I have to ignore him, I’ve tried everything else. The cycle needed to stop and he’s in a different relationship.

when you wdont kow the truth then mind your won bessns you peopal r so wicikt why doant u peopala r goa and doe?

Thanks!

Thanks!