This is probably the number one piece of advise I think about all the time- take my time with people, kinda stand on the side lines and let them show me who they are, rather than making the usual mistake of writing a story for them which paints them in a good light regardless of who or what they actually are

@kshiftkometh , and only after you've had enough conversation with the shrink to be reasonably certain that that person isn't yet one more narcissist loose out in the world.

I believe or have come to understand that if you are aware of your vulnerabilities it shouldn't matter if those vulnerabilities are shared. Narcisism is more than reading the red flags, it's knowing how you can wave them.

@@genevalawrence801 yeah, if they are a shrink no need to waste energy playing into the game.

I like the 'no one wants to hear it think tank'! Buds are always sympathetic though, but it also seems to be the age of arguing though too!

^retweet.

👸🏆

yeah, and they let you know it to an almost brainwashing level. If I had a nickle for every time I was told how ungrateful I was, I'd be rich.

Yeah, I heard that BS too.

Yeah they told me this garbage too

seems like doing those things later in life than our peer in less toxic households

😫👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Nelumbo Nucifera so very true

Nelumbo Nucifera very well put. I wish it weren’t true.

Oh, yes. This is true for me as well. At least I can salvage the remaining 1/3 or so of my life.

Yup

Same

@@destinyluv8828 recovering people pleaser over here ✋

Very true.

Me.yes. but do abused children also get narky from all the coping. I had become a big whiner and also had minor entitlement issues I think..

dk1828 Yes....me too!! Validation that I’m not the crazy one

Soooo true!!!!

@@kimelizabeth2823 I so understand you. Same here.. it's such a relief, but I discovered only last month about narcs and felt so exhausted and relieved and exhausted all over again..

Yes, I feel the same 💜

Every time! ❤

yes! I agree!

So do bullies.

Agree! they are extremely intuitive. They know exactly who is going to fall for their BS.

1-800-🎠 what?

Danice Lobrin I’m so sorry. I come from childhood abuse and, like you, would share with partners for the same reasons. Mine would remember though and use it against me. Either way.... I wish you healing and love.

It’ll change when you have kids or try adopting a pet from the time they’re a baby

Really it's generally known many people don't make good partners let alone great parents. I hope the freedoms they gave you presented this self opinion. Sure, any member of the family can suck the life out of them and replace it with dormancy in the mind and untruth. This is part of the learning cycle. Later in life you become your own master and know where to begin, there's traumtism and bad choices but they are natural responses and control mechanisms. They presented your start in life and in the bad manners that never meant to turn out like them.

@@bertzerker747 huh?

They ruin their kids and laugh about it, and remind the kid of it every day. "Look how your life turned out!" Like they're so insightful and had no hand in derailing their children's dreams.

Yup, us it was 2 out of 3 totally ruined to the point where, pre-narc wise, I honestly thought my overt older siblings' quests were to make our parents look good/blush next to them! As time went on, I matured and saw it all a rinse and repeat pattern and then some! I'm just a regular 'there for the grace of God go I person' so the financial hardships, stolen friendships and ruined family situations due to my guilty pleasures (?) could only go so far but eureka, it was my happiness they'd smother time and time again/given half the chance, probably due to my utter lack of need for them, I'm not that stupid! You've only to realize what would be one of the worst things they could do to you and you'll have a red flag, mine's white, I surrender and give up!

Sounds like a certain conviction of abuse. Not a curtain waiting to be used. Poor person diomotwar, you probably still receive alot of sympathy from friends and others.

@@bertzerker747 wtf ? Not a curtain waiting to be used ? Huh?

This is exactly what happened to me. I TRY to have boundaries and all, but my family likes to gang up on me until I give in. It's hard. The best thing you can ever do is get away as soon as you can, so you can learn to NOT be that way.

www.luke173ministries.org/ was a huge help to me, especially when they throw biblical forgiveness at you.

Yup.. that is how they perceive "love".. it is more like domination..

My wanna be narc hubby blew out the "It's not just about you" reply card so often.... Never said it was! Retarded!

So dead on. If I had a nickel for every time I heard, "Don't be so selfish. Think of other people," I would have retired by now. From my earliest memories I was told that crying was selfish and being laughing was obnoxious. Anger was the most selfish emotion of all -- never react in anger. It's a recipe for not only creating a withdrawn human being, it's dooming that human being to an unhappy life.

That was deep, thank you!

You just took a key phrase from my childhood: "You are so selfish!"

@Juliette 33 i sincerely hope you have found better people to bond with in later years . you sound like a very resilient person to have survived and reached awareness

We should thank our parents! Survive them, survive anyone!

Adam Alexander What is the source of your assessment regarding Dr. Ramini’s racial proclivities ?

@@annfeeney1662 Don't feed the trolls. They are succes magnets. Whenever a channel is getting popular, the jealous basement dwellers show up.

Yes! I'm just now realizing that my parents especially my Dad are narcissists... Because of this I don't know if my current girlfriend is narcissistic or not, or at least toxic or not...

😭😭😭

Oh, my gosh...This brought tears to my 63 yo eyes...How fortunate for you. So happy for you.

Yes I'm clearly a magnet and when you said that you feel safe it's so strange because I have no feeling of safety right now...I felt alone as a child a lot... My house was not safe there was a lot of volatility and threats of violence.. Real violence

Hi Hannah. can you tell me how old you are? I have been working on healing for decades. I'm asking because you said you came to some sort of Revelation. I've had several partnerships and they've never been successful in my mind. I did not marry. I am now in my 50s. I'm wondering why I am just learning more and more about narcissism recently in the last 2 or years?

This is something I have such a hard time dealing with-feeling-deep down thinking that I can be with someone who genuinely cares about me, that Thats even possible. I just turned 34 this year and as a grown ass man I feel so ashamed because of my failure of a love life always being with covert narcissists or being completely alone and avoiding dating altogether

@@deathuponusalll It's not our fault. We were set up.

Peace Joy love the way you say that; back ass wards 💪😀😀🙏

Good you see it! Totally toxic! There's been so many affairs in my older overt siblings and narc parents' lives, they are totally blown away that my wanna be narc hubby and I never wander, total losers!

How did you realize that they were both narcissists? I am sure about just one of my parents, but have questions about the second too...

@Edlamir Coelho : I spoke to a therapist about it years ago when my overt narc dad was dying. The first words out of my mouth to her were, "I don't know who I am." She responded, "Tell me about your parents...." After a brief description of my parents and my upbringing, she said -- matter-of-factly -- "Your parents are narcissists." That started me on my journey towards the road less traveled. This November will be 7 years of NC with my narcissistic family and my covert narcissistic mother. Although I do occasionally correspond with my oldest brother, since he's not a narc.

I find myself saying this all the time. I'm treated like a disappointment because I care about people and try to be good and have a lifestyle I enjoy and makes me happy without hurting anyone, but my sister, who is literally a criminal and has messed up her kids and is abusive in many ways is, somehow, the amazing one. It's completely backwards.

And when I state the problem, I’m the bad one and money and relationship withheld. Real user mother, power in weakness. Brother and sister believe lies. Ugh! So ready leave the state

@@susanfitzpatrick5499 doing the same, boo-boo.

Leaving the state.

It is not a a relationship. All you can have with a narcissistic person is an abusive situation. Learn to use the gray rock and get as much distance as you can because all they want to do is work on you. Narcs love to put people down. They set you up for problems. It is hard at first but learn how to solve your own problems and become independent of her emotionally as well as financially. Narcissistic parents don't want to help you with anything, they want to see you struggle so that they can extract supply from it.

@@pegasus5148 they're out to sabotage you, you're better off googling whatever than asking them 'anything'!

Agreed! For me it was a completely absent (though he lived in the same house) father. I think he was cover/neglectful. Gaslighted the s**t out of my mom. Please also do narc father/daughter

Pls include the triangulation aspect of Narcissistic families, how they first create a scenario by baiting, and then triangulate you from all sides attacking with abuse. Speaking from personal experience.

I'm in the same " boat".You are not alone

@@mrsbutterflyrainbows6654 amen, love you all xo

GHWLorna & SVFox - yes, it is hard but very necessary to learn & reclaim your 'self' and your dignity. Learning to actually love yourself feels selfish to those of us who have been abused for too long. I agree w/ SVFox - I can't wait to be alone w/ my kitties & peace than to stay in this terribly unhealthy marriage. Hugs, knowledge & strength to all here. PS: GHWLorna - I am 59 but can't wait to have peace soon. To me, it is far scarier to think of staying.

I cut them off and kept working on myself; loneliness turned into new, healthy friends after some years and it was really worth the wait and work.

I’m 43 and been single for over 12 years. I’m a loner. I’ve educated my self, read psychoanalyst texts about narcissism, about the deep psychological wounds - and since my both parents are narcs, I can now spot a narc very very quickly!!! I try to avoid them as much as possible, since they make me paralyze in fear. I want to be happy! As an only child, my psychologically very sick parents still keep pulling me in into their mad drama. They just never can’t realise their role as parent and wish me well as their offspring. During lockdown it was horrible! This burden is too much psychologically and I just wish so hard I could get free of this! And FINALLY live my own life! They’ve damages so much from my life, two carrees ended because of them! They just can’t stand seeing me succesful and happy! BY MY OWN!!!

and self love.

Love this! Thank you so much. 😊

Turn copper like me, these people are nuts!

Lauren Ott It is so interesting how we had the very same mother. I hope you found that one great person to make you feel loved and normal. As hard as it is...you have to forgive and let go of all that garbage. A great therapist was the BEST gift I ever gave myself. Just know you are amazing and very much LOVED!❤️

Hugs friend, i understand..my mother was like that too.

I feel you. I went through the same treatment. Painful!

I'm so glad you found Dr. Ramani's channel. The fact that you allowed yourself to acknowledge, admit and share the "what?" and the "why?" is HUGE. Lauren, you are enough now and have always been enough. Keep coming here where you are cared about and loved.

I have been saying for a while it should be taught in schools so when kids get older they can know how to protect themselves. I brought it up in a Narc survivor group once I got hit with," How about we just let kids be kids." & also somewhere along the lines of, "kids don't need that type of drama!" Now why would some say some mess like that unless they were a Narcissist pretending to be survivor? Naw kids need to know about everything from love bombing to gaslighting to grey Rock. It can save the psyche of alot people in the future.

Oh, this resonates with me, because I've lived this, too. The unlearning of these patterns is hard work. It's also work worth doing. We deserve better than what we were taught.

Thriving Leo: Ditto & spot on. I am certainly hoping that becoming educated about this & becoming familiar w/ a Narcs tactics, games & manipulation, etc., will help us all learn & grow powerful again. To stay aware & on guard, to spot Narcs early on & not let them into our inner circle ever again.

@@genevalawrence801 - well said Geneva!! So true.

It is pretty normal. If it’s not, then what is? Letting your kid do whatever and letting them get away with inappropriate behavior? How is a child ever supposed to learn not to do something if they’re never criticized/punished for doing something wrong? People shouldn’t expect to just be ‘validated’ all the time.

Yup so true

Yes,...the rage tantrums 😬

Praying for you. May peace wash over you

🤗😙💓🤗

Bless, you are stronger than you know. Don’t let weak, pathetic Narcissists win! 🤗🤗🤗

I hear you. You try to be a good and decent person and you keep getting shit on no matter what. Sound right? For me, I'm just looking at life one day at a time after being discarded like so much trash. It sucks but that's the hand I've been dealt. Just try to look for and appreciate the good things that come along. Best wishes.

@@sparkygump Thank you for replying. I just don't know what normal is. I'm always the weird one where ever I go. I'm always the odd one out. I am taking one step at a time thanks to my therapist.

Wild Rose, whatever your situation is, I hope you overcome it and find peace and healing. Sending you lots of love and strength 💕

@@wildrose2004 it's okay to be you and to value and love yourself oi, take care :)

We understand you, just remember, even if it is confusing, listen to your body, and your gut. If it is painful IT NOT NORMAL. Please watch old videos from Dr Ramani; that made me realize that I deserved better in life than chaos, invalidation, and abuse.

Geneva Lawrence I hear you 😻

Very true 🙂

I was taught that setting up boundaries in the home was rebelliousness and a sin. Narc mother forced Catholicism on me starting at age 6. The first thing I did for myself in healing was dump religion.

@@truthserum5855 I respect your choice. I was on my way to do the same, but then I discovered that what they told me in childhood was absolutely not true, it was only to keep me "in line". Now I am still in the Catholic Church, but I know that God loves me the way He created me. If dumping religion gives you peace, I am happy you did that. For me, finding the truth (which was light years away from what my family taught me) made me happy, peaceful, and gives me freedom I need. Nobody will abuse me any more because I know I am God's beloved daughter. All my best thoughts and wishes go to you to find your peace and stay on that road.

@@minorytka3163 I didn't dump religion because of my childhood; it was the catalyst that led me to do the research where I discovered there is zero evidence for any of it. Religion is mythology masquerading as truth. Narcissists love religion because it is another way to gaslight and control others.

Midlife it would be too much for a child to endured especially if the live with their narc

The narcissist would never purchase the books for them😅, but forewarned, is foretold and I think it’s a good idea. I would, however worry what would happen to the children if they were to refer to the book in an argument or discussion.

There ARE cartoons and shows that shows this, the problem is, kids do not understand it enough to call it out and they don't have the power to do anything, even if they notice it. Like, I noticed things weren't right when I was 6, but I literally couldn't do anything about it because what could I do? I thought to run away, but I wasn't supposed to leave the house alone and I didn't know anyone. What do you suppose kids do when they have no one else to rely on and most family members wouldn't believe any of what is being said (the narc family system is strong). Most kids don't have the vocabulary to express it, either.

@@BooDotBoo The only way to help them is in early 20's or late teens. These young adults need to be made aware that all that trauma they endured has to be dealt with more than anything else! There's no peace, progress nor prosperity amidst unprocessed trauma. I remember being so sick at 20, I knew the abuse I encountered since conception was the reason behind my woes, I cried to my mom seeking some rescue, poor me didn't realize that if my mom was to rescue me she would have done it a long time ago. Nevertheless I cried to her, she scorned me, said I am ungrateful and that am attempting to denounce my dad who worked hard to raise me, she told my little sister about it, my sister scorned me. I zipped it up like I had done since childhood. I only came to know about narcissistic abuse one month to my 30th birthday, I have gotten my validation! Haven't spoken to my parents for almost an year, my sister told me my mom keep saying am ungrateful and my malignant almost sociopathic dad keep asking WTH is wrong with me! That fool forgot he tormented me and at 5 year old he told me the worst thing ever and did a horrible thing to me, he never stopped from then, but now, he doesn't know what is wrong with me........if I had this knowledge at 20, I would have been better off. Good thing the internet will help many

Its so sad to think that innocent childred actually go through this. But its true that they do because i went through it. Wtf universe 💔

Hi Kim E - I feel the exact same way. At first I felt so stupid, but now, trying to learn all I can. These videos are SO helpful. At first, it felt like waking up from a very scary nightmare, only to realize 'oh, this is my real life.' I keep coming back to Dr. Ramani & Dr. Les Carter. They are the best!!! (IMO)

M Dee z Me to! A long dragged out nightmare of nearly 50 years... I am so happy you are learning so much too! I hope you have found some peace in your life with all this new knowledge. And, know you are LOVED!!❤️

50 next month and still trying to work it all out - best of luck to all you good humans 😻

@@kimelizabeth2823 - ❤ back 'atcha! Agree, it's such an awakening. A bit scary to discover so many in my family are either outright Narcs of varying types or Flying Monkeys, etc., etc. Hugs Kim E!

Hugs to you too . I pray you heal and have a happy life.

You have your own life! You don’t live for someone else!

Yes, that's how it works apparently. My narc mom now wonders why i didn't have an own opinion in the marriage with my narc ex.

Yes. Also, narc bullies in school too

Kasia Walaszczyk If you like Dr. R, try the Little Shaman! She’s a straight shooter, with some of the best content! I hope this helps!

Well done your strenght is inspiring💙💚💛

Wow our situations are very similar and I’m very happy to hear you are feeling better physically and emotionally. I have two teens and I would like to know how to best educate them on narc abuse. I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have 😻

Pepps33 since my children were abused also it was not too difficult to start off talking about unhealthy behavior and how their dad was using behaviors that gave him power and control over us. We also talked about what healthy behavior looks like as well. It is a slow process. They also went to a therapist briefly which helped too.

Your experience with your parents is parallel to mine and I have to say that the grief seems eternal. I make progress and then I get slammed with emotion as I remember I never was loved as I deserved by loving parents. I just feel broken and can’t help getting visibly emotional. I hope to get over the trauma of what my parents put me and psyche through but it’s also made me into a different person. I am just now more capable of defending and protecting myself but I won’t lie to say I’m “fully ok.” I know I’m broken but I am living more fully than I ever have done before.

I supposedly have this, except my mom is a narc and the rest are her enablers and they're all blissfully unaware of her manipulation. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

@@Analyn100 this! You cannot unsee it! It’s like I saw the demon that exists behind your mask and your smile is not warm to me and boyyyy do they get mad when they know, you know

yeah, same here. such a threat a possible relationship can be that's insane! bc we attract the wrong ppl. so much, being single seems to be the best choice.

Hear, hear! I will never allow anyone in this life to control or even to try to control my life for 1 millisecond. I love myself and respect myself enough to never give access to anyone to my inner self

I think this fact of being raised by natcissistic family is one of the main reasons I am still single at 52, and is very very hard for me to trust people.

Stop, just stop, their approval is a trap. The only approval you need is yours.

At least you now acknowledge this! It’s a start.

No love no recognition 💔😢😔

elsa lam They are everywhere!

Narcs can thrive in religous setting where there’s high ideals to achieve!

How can you sniff a narc so fast? I want to learn that too

​@@mariangelamariangela4199 1.) Eyes. Eyes, eyes, and eyes. Dull. They look painted on like it's acrylic paint on canvas, but they aren't alive, and there's no sparkle, no matter how much light shines on them. The only time you will see some sort of a light in their eyes is when they are getting their supply, or just doing what a narc does: Destruction, or getting over on someone in any way possible. You are literally dealing with someone dead inside, you are just talking to an animated carcass kept on fresh-mode, and all it cares about itself, and spreading as much hate, pain and chaos before it actually dies. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 2.) The conversation always comes back to them. Always. They are notorious interrupters, and even if they don't, they'll start fidgeting, looking around, look mighty impatient, or trying to make noise to distract you or cut you off. If you are talking to someone else, and not paying attention to them, these types are usually the ones to make weird noises, start tapping something obnoxiously, drop something, pass you and say "EXCUSE MEEEE" really loud, or some may even start to wave their arms around in strange, grand gestures. The more destructive ones will literally start breaking things on "accident" to get attention. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 3.) Constant bragging. Constant one-upping. Sure, others can be prone to this, but with narcs, this is on an eternal loop. It never ends. Ever. If you pick up on this, run. Converts do this, but in a more self-depreciating-bragging way. It's all the same at the source. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 4.) They can present/create absolute crap, but you had better act like it's the best thing in the world....or else. If people just ignore them, they'll shout and end up screaming about how great it is. Some get violent and start destroying things. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 5.) Sometimes, the lower functioning ones, will look you in the eyes, look you up and down with disdain, and brag about how they're going to "get you", or "cut you down", or "you ain't met no one like me." Every time you pass them, they are always muttering to themselves or to others about how much they "hate you", yet you don't know them, or their names. This is especially true if you haven't taken their narc bait. Narcs don't have friends, they have recruits. I have ran into at least 4 of these very vocal "I hate ____'s" in my life. Leave em' alone. They hail from Ka-ka-coo-coo's-ville. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 6.) If you haven't known them, or another person for even a day, and they are already trying to recruit you into hating or "being against someone else", or trying to back you into taking sides of a war or feud you have no idea about........be wary. If the story sounds fantastic, over the top like it's from some blockbuster movie, and full of holes, and they are the uncontested, perfect hero, it most certainly is baloney. If they seem out of breath, excited and happy about this storytime, and their eyes have that little twinkle as they wait for your response, gtfo of there. This is doubly true if they are LOUD about it in a common area, trying to recruit as many as possible for the smear campaign. The quiet ones are the opposite, they tend to look around and whisper about it, but there's still this dramatic edge to it, like they are going to "cry" at any moment, but their acting is terrible. Don't be a flying monkey for a mental train wreck. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 7.) Recorded reputation: This is different from the narc smear campaign. Narcs make a grand show and sport about trying to isolate and smear others. Even the quiet ones will grab your wrist in a death lock as they pull you away with glee to tell you yet another bogus smear lie about their targets. People who have legit been found out to be horrible people have an aura around them. People don't make a grand show, or whisper or make it some fun game to isolate and stay away from the perp. They just mind their own business and stay away from the perp, and go about their days. It's not a game, it's real, because they have suffered through the nonsense. They may tell you in slight passing that so and so's bad news...might give an example of what happened, but they won't be full of glee and LIFE as they tell you. Narcs just can't contain themselves,and are out of breath after their stories, normal people aren't. That is the difference between a narc, and a normal person. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 8.) Narcs don't like people being happy, or having fun. Look at a group having fun without the narc's presence, and if you see a scowl, a look of scheming, narrow-eyed hatred, or you see them huffing and stomping away.....you'll know. If anyone is having fun without their grace, they will try something to put a stop to it. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 9.) Love bombers: The most impossible narcs will say "I love you, you know that?" at least 13 times on the first meet, or first hour. It's surreal. Be wary of people who flatter you constantly and you don't even know them. It's 100% superficial, nothing deep. I knew I had a narc when an old lady kept saying that to me the first time I met her, but no one thought it was weird, because she hails from a, "different time." It doesn't matter what country, era, language, or ethnicity a narc hails from, their manual is universal. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 10.) Gaslighting of everything, including your own emotions. You will not believe how many times a narc has tried to tell me what I wanted, how I was feeling in the moment, or what my tastes were, no matter how much proof I had to the contrary. However, almost EVERY narc will try and command you to feel these two main emotions: Sad or angry. They can even take it a step further and point to a picture you painted, and say it conveys your "sadness", even if it's the happiest picture you even painted, or that your silence is indicative of your "anger." They'll work with anything. If these emotions they want you to feel are pertaining to the narc itself, then you feel "love and happiness." Because it's them....the perfect one. The more you insist that you are in charge of your own emotions, the more visibly irritated they will become, until some snap and tell you to shut up. Some may even get violent. In other words, to the narc, you cannot possible feel anything besides sadness or anger without them in the picture. Sometimes they insist you do feel hopeless, or enraged, because it gives them their jollies to know that either they made you feel that way, or that you are feeling that way, (but they can also build you back up), and they love other's misery by default. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one. 11.) Needless hostility: Let's say you are talking quietly, and calmly of a subject, and someone just keeps rather aggressively, and loudly telling you to *SHUT UP* , or "SHUT YOUR MOUTH", or"FUCK HIM/HER." These outbursts are random and just bizarre. Either way, with each outbursts, they sort of look to the side, but won't break eye contact with you, always keeping those crazy-eyes on lock. They cannot hide their hostility. Some may even start balling their fists, gritting their teeth, or sniffing loudly. You got something they want, they can't get it, and they are talking to you, but not getting the information they need from you to use against you.........so the anger is starting to seep through. You just get a feeling of pure rage, that they are not directing it out of surprise out of something you said, it is really directed AT you, and that you should just leave, but oh no, they're not done with you yet. They may hate your bloody guts more than anything else in this world, and for absolutely no real reason, but they still need information. Look into their eyes. If you see rage at YOU, leave. This can happen within your first ten minutes of meeting one.

@@ARedMagicMarker Thank you for this really detailed explanation!

@@mariangelamariangela4199 Wonderful! That is....if you aren't some narc trying to get some intel. XD

@@ARedMagicMarker thank you

I can understand how you felt...it was earned what was given...but not understood the Leveraging that would follow.

I could have written this exact same comment. I also feel/felt bad taking money/gifts but at the same time felt like it was owed to me. Totally warped. I’ve only known unhealthy relationships with people. Two narc parents, two narc husbands. I’m now in therapy trying to recover from a lifetime of narc abuse. I’m angry. I’m angry that it took this long for me to get real help. I’m angry that I allowed myself to live in chaos and toxic environments. And I’m sad for all the wasted time.

And what was taken was really earned too.

I totally understand your situation, my mother would do the same thing with her money bc that's all she could offer, was money. And I'm so glad someone else feels the same way, I took advantage of the money too because my parents had nothing else to offer but abuse, so I too felt like I deserved it in some way 😔

For me it was the opposite. My family always had enough money, but my mom would make me feel guilty everytime she had to buy medicine of new shoes for me. Every couple of weeks she would buy a little "cheap" gift for her, but everytime she had to spend a penny on basics for me I should be deeply grateful because I'm so expensive to keep and a bother to her.

I agree that Dr. Ramani has a great way with words. One of the things I love most about this channel is the thoughtful, impactful, clear delivery of information.

Agreed. She has a facility for presentation and language that makes her content that much better. Now... about my narc parents 😬🙄

And 100,% accurate information which is not always the case on this issue of covert abuse!!

I once asked a man, who I found out through these videos is a narcissist, what kind of animal he would be. He answered proudly that he was a hyena who went for the 'out of nest fallen birds'. I was shocked! I was lucky to see that he was trying to play games, it was as though he was constantly coming up with strategies to keep control and get what he wanted, never caring for what the other person wants. I feel sorry for him, how deeply miserable and unhappy he must feel. He chooses to life in the gutter.

Interesting.....I’ve been “friends” with a lot of older women too. Who buy me things ....like food! Omg. They offer to take me out to lunch bc I’m their narc supply. My mom does the same. Ooooh shit

Can I ask what is deep shadow work? 😻

Even if you are a Narc Abuser at least plants and animals don't talk back. Sad for the critters, though. :(

Right there with you on that one.

Children too.

Status Disarray Wonderful for you!!

My childhood was very traumatic because of my manipulative mother and aunt....

sounds like you are the kind out to set a new legacy. Naturally (if you consider yourself as naturally) had lived with the narcissism of parents, according to Dr Ramani you'd have gave love to them unconditionally. I don't know what happened to you but to me it seems like the worst type of torcher. On the proviso that they (they!) weren't necessarily the sociopathic types.

Me too.

@Adam Alexander I guess you are writing those comments just to get our attention... Reverse racism exists only in your mind. Racism is currently a system that some white people created in the past, so a non-white person can not be racist. Get out of your victimist bubble and study about racism.

Adam Alexander I really believe you’ve got distorted issues about race .

@Black Weirdo Really? That is interesting. Are you Brazilian too? That happens to me. I am mixed and feel exactly like that. But it is seen as colorism here, not racism. Because being lighter gives me privileges in Brazil. And black people don't discriminate people with lighter skin here.

I went through a kind of mourning period without a half dozen people who had been important to me. It was an awkward process, because I also had to let go of the flying monkeys. They were essentially good people, but under the spell of the narcissists, so there's nothing I could do about that. I also went gray rock with the narcs and didn't want news of my life getting back to them. I almost completely withdrew from social media too.