Never overshare when you first meet someone. You never know who is gathering data of your strengths and weaknesses and identifying you as a potential supply.

#8: Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live!

I have lived with the motto "People can change" all my life.. Today I have updated this motto to "It is not my job to change anyone".. Thanks and God bless you for all that you do Dr. Ramani

By the way, love bombing isn’t just reserved for romantic interests. It happens in business and potential friendships too.

Number 13: The narcissist will tell you a sad story about their childhood or past relationship...painting themselves as the poor victim. They are fishing for a juicy empathic response. Don’t take that bait!

Never go into a relationship feeling like you “NEED” the other person.

#1 Stop with the second (or more) chances. They enable the narcissists. #2 Catch yourself when you make rationalisations for their behaviours. Rationalizations are gateways for second chances. #3 Do your own deep dive. Self-knowledge it's always a worthwhile endeavour #4 Trust your gut. #5 Don't confuse love and abuse. Pay attention to the trauma bond. #6 Be aware of the love bombing. #7 Be very careful about using words like "magical connection" and "soulmate". #8 If the relationship moves too fast it may be risky. #9 Turn off the gaslight the first time it gets turned on #10 Pay attention to the future fake #11 Be careful about making overly big sacrifices early in the relationship. #12 Be careful when you listen to other people in the early days of your relationship Thank you soooo much.

I've found that if I tell them, "no" to anything they'll lose their mind. They can't accept boundaries. It causes an injury and triggers them. I've always been agreeable and didn't want to make any waves at first. Not until I've learned to say no are they easy to spot.

Well known divorce lawyer here. Gate keeping and careful vetting is critical. It may keep you out of my office.

I have a 100 year old Grandpa. He is telling me all the time: "Hun, beware those kinds of people who do not tolerate if you have a different opinion on something." So IMO I have a very simple and powerful technique: Say "no". Early on the relationship, very politely. Not in any significant issue, but something "mildly" significant. A narcissist's reaction usually tells it all.

Their initial intense eye contact isn't about connection, it's about being a predator scouting potential prey.

Said a prayer for you today. You are helping so many people. I am just realizing I’ve never had a normal relationship. It almost broke me last week when I realized it. I feel awake.

Set boundaries, practice self love and no narcissist will ever want anything to do with you.

Don't let your kids watch most kids shows. There is always a character that is really mean and then changes at the end of the episode. I make sure they know that this NEVER happens in real life and they need to avoid people like this. These shows groom your children to accept narcissists into their lives.

I'm now 59 and happily married, but starting around my 48th birthday, I knew women my age or older who had allowed a narcissist to move in with them and then couldn't get rid of him. They were lonely and against their better judgment, they let him rush things. Often they lost all their money, including retirement savings. It is sad. Better off old and alone than old, alone, abused and broke.

Looking back 2.5 years ago I had just gotten out of a relationship with a narcissist. I was broken, heartache and I felt more lost than I ever felt in my life. I owe my life to KZfaqrs making these videos. If it wasn't for them I probably wouldn't be alive. People with NPD are sons of the Devil

“Only the worthy should be allowed to enter your heart and your life”

Ask yourself regularly, 'How does interacting with this person make me feel right now?' and track it over time. If you notice it doesn't make you feel good on a regular basis pay attention and don't let the person in.

When I think I’m experiencing love bombing I literally have Dr Ramani’s voice saying “if a person can’t hear you on the pacing of the relationship then you’re going to have bigger issues down the track.” Thank you so much Dr Ramani I’m certain this video has saved me from entering into another narcissistic relationship.

The very beginning of any relationship tells it all. If they are pushy, disrespectful, arrogant, disrespectful of your boundaries, lose them. Without pushback, they keep it up and don't quit. After the first no, you will know what they are. No means no. A child understands that.

My simple litmus test: If they haven't figured out the Golden Rule by adulthood, walk away. It's not my job to be their life coach.

By the way, I've learnt one big lesson in life overall especially for empaths. Rule #1. Slow down! Stop rushing to say yes to everything. Always answer with, "Let me think about it." to EVERYTHING. Rule #2. See Rule #1.

I have a new friend who is totally sane and it’s so interesting to talk to them. I’ve been used to expecting random emotional outbursts and having to walk on eggshells or overexplain myself that it’s really strange that it never happens. It’s very refreshing to relax around someone.

1. Stop with the second chances. 2:59 2. Catch yourselves when you make rationalizations for their behaviour. 4:11 3. Do your own deep dive. 5:32 4. Trust your guts. 7:48 5. Do not confuse love and abuse. 9:49 6. You are not 6 and life is not a disney movie. 10:49 7. Be very careful about using words like 'magical connection' or 'soul mate'. 11:52 8. If the relationship moves too fast it may be risky. 13:18 9. Turn off the gaslight the first time it gets on. 17:32 10. Pay attention to the almighty future fake. 18:36 11. Be careful of making overly big sacrifices in the beginning of the relationship. 20:00 12. Be very careful when you listen to other people in the early days of your relationship. 23:38

When someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and gets really pushy, you better get out as soon as possible

Love yourself. Don't allow anyone to define you.

Rule number 12: Stop being so damn polite!!!!! Real manners are wonderful and always have their place in a civilized society. Always be kind and courteous to wait staff, receptionists, cashiers, and custodians. Always hold open the door for others. Always wait your turn. But stop humoring people who purposely interrupt you when you're speaking, because purposeful interrupting is a HUGE sign someone is trying to dominate and disrespect you. Don't worry about being "rude" for refusing social invitations from people who set off your internal alarm bells. Don't worry about being "rude" for blocking abusive trolls on social media. Don't worry about being "rude" for ghosting creeps you meet on online dating sites. Don't worry about being "rude" for hanging up on telemarketers or telling them to eff off. Don't answer the door for salesmen, even when it's clear you're home. Stop using your polite meek "indoor voice" when the big loud outdoor one is required. The willingness to be "rude" when necessary is going to scare Narcissists and other potential abusers away, because they will label you as "difficult." This is something I've struggled with for most of my life, because politeness was my survival mechanism as a child. It was a great way to keep abusive parents and teachers from screaming at me, but it put me in dangerous situations in college, at work, and especially in relationships. I never thought I'd overcome it, but then the pandemic happened. And now, to protect staff and volunteers at work, as someone in a position of leadership, I have to set boundaries with entitled and bratty customers all the time. I've started giving orders instead of requests. I've shouted at men twice my size to put their masks on, and when they've tried to scare me with aggressive body language, I've given it right back to them. I've kicked people out of the building. !!!! Never thought I had it in me, but it turns out, I'm like Lambert The Sheepish Lion. I may have been socialized to act like a lamb, but when that big bad wolf comes around, I'm apparently not afraid to snarl a little. Now if I can just apply that to my dating life....

I was married to the slow moving withholding type, I chased his love for 15 years. Then I finally got divorced and met the other kind of narcissist and fell into la la land coming from such a lack of attention I was sucked right in! Single now but what both had in common was their ability to keep me hoping for a future. Hard lessons learned about my vulnerabilities that I had to address and heal.

When there is some sort of irrational jealousy towards life long friends and loved family members - run!

*”Please trust those hairs that stand up on the back of your neck.”* This! 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌

Try soft boundaries, see the type of pushback, if any, you get. I was in a relationship where I saw the cold shoulder early. One night I was studying late and he was at a friend's house. He asked to bring his dogs overnight to leave for a hike in the morning. I said no, because my roommate had a cat who I didn't want to stress out. He said okay- but then radio silence in the morning and the hike cancelled. Then I enabled it. I apologized. I was extra kind and affectionate. I "fixed" it. Well, you live and you learn. So try out some reasonable occasions to say "no" to something you don't want and see how it goes. Do they talk to you about it if it bothers them? Or do you get the cold shoulder?

My observation shows that narcissists when they talk about their life's stories always tell how others (wifes, husbands, friends, coworkers...) were bad, ungrateful, unappreciative to them never mentione their faults, it's always someone else's fault. We need to listen carefully, usually narcs will tell it all about themselves or at least enough to raise a lot of questions. And also try to find in their circle of friends 1 or 2 from school, college from many years ago... most likely you won't find them.

Gaslighting and the constant silent treatment are the cruelest things I’ve ever experienced.

red flag: don't get easily involved with someone you don't know yet until you can really trust in who they are. Don't get emotional too quickly, and don't ignore your gut instintc. Thanks.

Had I known this 47 years ago, oh my! "Married" 33 years, two children, free 14 years. I am so lucky I get to be w/me❣️

I just met someone who appears to be the sweetest, most trustworthy person ever. Only known them a short amount of time and I spotted the signs of narcissism thanks to these videos. Blocked and never speaking to that person ever again. Been through enough of them, it's rampant, we have created a world of narcissists.

They will tell you stories of all their personal drama in other relationships and always play the victim and blaming everyone else.

1. Trust your instincts. 2. Trust is earned; not freely given. 3. If you witness someone having social chameleon behavior, pay attention as they are indicators of inauthenticity. 4. Call out abusive behavior and use boundaries to keep you safe.

LISTEN AND PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTIONS to the first conversation because this is when the narcissist gives you the opportunity to know who they are. It is during these early conversations that the narcissist explicitly reveals themselves to you about who they are and their plan about you, they will even go as far warning you but we are often too focused on making the relationship work and this is the reason why when we look back we realize why they said or did certain things.

The deep dive is so important. It took me a while to figure out that although childhood conditioning may have painted a target on my back for narcissists, I was regularly touching up the paint so my target was nice and fresh. I was actively attracted to toxic people in friendships and romantic relationships. I went out of my way to try to get their approval and obtain validation from these personality types. Ugh! When I figured out I was still looking for approval from my abusive parents. This made me ignore my gut and even blatant red flags.45+ years of abuse by friends & spouses ensued. Do the deep dive!

I notice that they kind of leave you feeling insecure a lot. If anyone leaves me feeling insecure I’m going to walk away. Love shouldn’t be something that keeps you up at night wondering.

If they shower you with lots of flattery, then it's a red flag. Run.

I left my dream job because he "said it was important to have weekends with me".... I was the manager at an amazing shop. 😔 This set the stage, from the VERY BEGINNING, of him seeing I'd give up _everything_ for him.

Oh boy. I was a baaaad gatekeeper. All of these 12 things I wish I'd known. I was innocent/ignorant of narcissism, of dysfunction etc. etc. I was too trusting that he was telling me the truth and on and on. It's been 10 years of hellish dysfunction. Thanks to you I realize the truth. It's over, I'm done. 2022 is the year to get out of this very narcissistic relationship. Thank you so very much, Dr. Ramani.

"You've gotta stop with the second chances" Exactly.

"Only the worthy should be allowed to enter your life". What a beautiful statement.

As a woman, I have learned to be especially careful with female “friends” who show a tendency to be clingy and demanding of all your attention. Fortunately for me, these particular individuals lived in different neighborhoods from mine, and didn’t drive (Uber didn’t exist, yet). In one case, I stopped responding to her calls. In the other case, I only respond to her text messages, and in a neutral manner. This, in turn, gives her nothing to work with in the way of conversation.

My mother has narcissist tendencies and thankfully with this pandemic, I was really able to observe and analyze even deeper about her behavior.

If they ask you to do something for them that doesn’t seem logical, moral, thoughtful, or polite and you want to please them, and they are telling you to do it like it’s normal, and your gut is uncertain, don’t do it and run.

RED FLAG: they cannot cope with someone not having the same opinion about things as them.

I love this. I keep attracting mean narcissistic people in my life and the cycle needs to stop once and for all!

Was just dumped by a man who did the constant texting thing. When I got frustrated and called him out he spiraled and cried saying he wanted to talk to his best friend constantly. But the messages seemed manipulative and controlling "whatchu doing?" "Where are you?" Etc. He broke up with me days later and ghosted even after I asked to get closure. Covert narcissist 100% and I see it now. He was talking about marrying me less than a month into dating. 🤦‍♀️ I keep falling for potential and seemingly nice hearts. Never again. This has happened too many times.

"Narcissistic relationships beget more narcissistic relationships." Pure gold. #13 If you have to explain basic common courtesy to someone, walk away. I need to watch out for extreme loneliness, which made me vulnerable to bad relationships either romantic or friendship.

When I meet someone new, I watch MYSELF to determine if they are a narc. If I have a desire to do things for them, or to commit myself to an action they seem to need, I know that's my "care taker" coming out. I have learned the hard way to run the other direction.

Fear, guilt, hope and lack of information are what keep people stuck in narcisistic relationships. We must love ourselves and leave such relationships. Nobody deserves such terrible treatment. We get pulled in by seduction, love-bombing which has nothing to do with love, future faking and generally being deceived by a somebody who is playing a character - wearing a mask, not showing who they really are as they are empty houses inhabited by who knows what kind of evil spirits…

"beware those kinds of people who do not tolerate if you have a different opinion on something," solid gold comment.

Tip no 13: when people you trust tell you they feel there's something wrong with your new boyfriend/ girlfriend...listen to them and consider their advice and warnings... they could see something you don't.

It's been less than a week, and he's like a battering ram, over the top love bombing. As soon as I showed this potential partner my boundaries, the mind fuckery began. Dude got exposed, now he just sends me insults, and that's in less than a week lol Taking a bow. I'm so proud of myself, he kinda seemed perfect 😁

Biggest thing I ever learned was to have compassion for the dysfunctional person (of whatever variety) . . . but if they do not change, then they will continue to be damaging. I'm allowed to protect myself from that damage, and prevention works SO much better before the damage occurs.

#12 is the most important one. I was in a toxic relationship for 4 years because a close friend I trusted created doubt in my judgement and asked me to be extremely compassionate to the narcissist while ignoring my own life and emotional integrity. In hindsight this friend wanted me to pay attention to the other at the cost of my own life because she wanted to use me as a crutch/rescuer whenever she wanted at the expense of my own priorities. Beware of third party voices. One may think they are well intentioned, but most often they have selfish motives to keep your self esteem down. Trust your own instincts and raise the bar of self respect /self esteem. Most empaths come from disturbed /abusive households where their self worth was valued much less. They already feel that they don't deserve better. Dr. Ramani, please make a video on how to raise and protect self esteem.

BEWARE of MUSIC!!! If someone love bombs you through music - carefully selected songs with just the right lyrics - be on guard! Narcs only have cold empathy, so they like to use music, which has a DEEP affect on the human psyche, to dupe you into thinking that the emotions that the songs create in you are the emotions they feel for you - they’re not!! This is a super effective narc tool that I’ve never heard anyone on KZfaq talk about, but I’ve experienced it and so have several people I know. Also... don’t be afraid to be judgmental; there’s such a thing as good judgement. Red flags are a gift that tell you when to get out or away... don’t ignore them or you’ll live to regret it. PS, the concept of soul mates isn’t real. It’s difficult for some to accept that, but the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be. ❤️

#2 (backwards) Catch yourself when you give YOURSELF justifications to deal with the narcissist, like “It’s just sex”, “I’m not looking for anything serious”, “It’s just for fun, for now”....

At 17 mins. you mention a subset of Narcissists who proceed painfully slowly in relationships. You are considered lucky to be worth any of their time at all. Thank you for talking about this. I always wondered about my experience because there was that big difference, and nobody else talks about this type of Narcissist. Also, there was no bragging, just an arrogance that said he didn't have to brag. He would conduct tests to see how much I'd put up with and wanted his options open in case he found a woman willing to put up with even more. The charisma level was off the charts, so he had no trouble finding that. Even after many years, you should not give up a job or move far away without a firm commitment. The cold, slow type is so stingy with comments, that if they say something emotionally positive, it seems like it's a huge move forward and you may make the wrong move based on nothing but a few words. Once you give up everything, you have too much invested to back out, so you put up with even more....it's called throwing good money after bad.

It would be so useful to have more videos on healthy relationships vs narcicistic/unhealthy and how to develop them. How to establish boundaries, how to not infringe on other's boundaries, but still protect ours, how to impress in a healthy way our romantic interest, etc. So far all your videos were very valuable and insightfull. Thank you, dr Ramani!

One of the things I learned from my experience in a narcissistic abusive relationship- love yourself, Respect yourself, Be proud of yourself. Don’t let ANYONE make you doubt these things.

If every time you offer a suggestion to do something and they say no they have a better idea, run.

Number 13, from my experiences, living in this infected society: avoid the social groups, either on social media, or in the real life. Some times they can be a stinky dirty swamps, that are full of zombies from all the bad psychological harmful disorders, walking in a shape of some decent whatsoever! Thank you doctor Ramani.

Wow!! “You ARE lucky! You get to be with YOU!” Love it!! Saving this for my kids :)

Treat me badly once, shame on you. Treat me badly twice, shame on me. Dr Ramani you're amazing!

I simply feel it in my stomach. I feel uptight when I am with a narcissist.

It really amazes me when a narcissist feels Theyre loosing us. They immediately become fully available to retain and confirm their source.

#8: the bit you said about texting is spot on!!! And "the person can't hear you on the pacing of the relationship" is spot on!!! Get out if they don't respect you on that. As someone who has been through this repeatedly, every word you said on that is exactly right! Every single time I look back, I knew that's when I should have got out. I knew it in my gut at the time too.

If they are insulting you, even subtly or acting like you are horrible or selfish and your best friends say you aren’t, they are breaking you down.

“The early months are as good as it’s gonna get”. Spot on!!!!

Journaling everyday about my day and how it made me feel was a powerful change. To this day, it helps me identify when a new change in my life is not serving my best interest.

1) Giving second chances too many times.2) catch yourself rationalizing their bad behavior 3) Do your own deep drive 4) Trust your gut 5) Don't confuse love and abuse 6) Please be aware of the love balm 7) Be careful of magical words like soulmate and other wordly connection.8) narcisstic move into relationships too fast 9)Turn off the gas lighting- hold on to your reality 10) Pay attention to future fake- they were clearly knit their future with yours. 11) Be careful in making great sacrifice in early on in the relation.

"second chances become habits, become enabling." Wow. I will remember this!

When he says, "All my exes are ____". In other words, he's never the problem even though he is the common factor between all the relationships.

Thank you for your reinforced remedies to deal with the crisis that I suffered for 40 long years. No one should stay with this Evil thinking one day you will see the light at the end. Life is too short to waste on an Evil. Thanks again Dr Ramani.

Yep, you're so right Dr. Ramani, trust your gut! Not trusting my gut is what got me in trouble dealing with the narc. The first red flag was the relationship moving too fast. Next red flag was the out-of-nowhere rage. Then came the devaluation during our arguments. From a sweet person to a monster in a split second. I've never felt so much hurt in only a short 3 month time span in a relationship.

My psychologist told me I wasn't really looking for a partner, I was looking for a child, which is why I ended up with a giant 4 year old.

Watch what they say and what they do...if they don't do what they say they will do, HUGE red flag!!!

I have a triad I look for on a first date… 1. Any Small lie… typically it’s an irrelevant lie but if they lie about the little stuff, they will lie about the big stuff too 2. “I feel like I know you” or pushing intimacy quickly. Not in itself narcissistic but with the other two, definitely concerning. 3. Lack of empathy. If I am unsure, I tell a story to see how they respond. If all 3 show up… and they usually do within 2 weeks…I run! It’s my new checklist as I am recovering from narcissistic abuse and learning to trust myself again. They usually also seem to not ask any meaningful questions about me and I feel as if I am interviewing them.

The easiest way to keep narcissists away is to disagree with them. When dating the tendency is to be agreeable... just disagree and that they show their colours.

Question yourself in those moments you feel the need to "help". Meaning stop inserting yourself in their lives to help fix messy situations they have created. They fundamentally enjoy the show (popcorn and all!) and if you walk off the set the show is over.

I feel that the most difficult part is to ACCEPT the facts when you see them. That is why it takes longer than necessary to leave the person/situation. It just is so hard to believe. And when you are taught to doubt your own feelings when you were a child - it is REALLY difficult to accept and believe your own guts and feelings. You have learned that they are nonsense, wrong, useless.

1. Major Jealousy 2. Over the Top Control 3. Trangulation

Ten years ago, I was in a hurtful relationship for 4 years giving multitudes of second chances. I recently ended a year long relationship. I had recognized the same "issues" within 2 months but did not listen to my instincts. Afterwards, I happened upon your videos...........Thank You!! I now understand completely. Both were exact text book (Covert) and patterns of "issues" red flags you discuss in your videos. Good to know I'm not crazy, what I was dealing with (twice), and won't doubt myself again!!

They don't take no for an answer.

If they are way too protective of their things, material things, anything from their car to their plants and show anger or even a glimpse of rage in protecting things over you, it’s a problem.

One of my gatekeeping tricks is asking myself if my lifelong friends wouldn't do that to me or say that to me, and if they wouldn't then it's not OK. And I do that because my worst relationship was because of #12. My father (narcissistic) and his partner (narcissistic) would wait until I said I wasn't letting him come back into my life to say to me "It's a pity, we really like him, and we think you're soulmates.". #12 is so damaging because it completely invalidates any progress you may have made and we all know that if a narc gets their dirty grip into you that that progress is a long dark tunnel with a dull light at the end. I didn't have great male role models in my immediate family, so I had to assign that role to the friends I feel safe around. Thank you for this video, I definitely knew I felt stronger since I deep dived, but it's so appreciated to just hear these tips and pat my own back.

This is Truth! Until we look within, own up and take responsibility for our choices without beating ourselves up, truly putting the work in to healthy living, well worth it. Easy, no, but necessary! Praying for all!

Also-be aware when they try to isolate you. They make you feel guilty for seeing friends. Looks at how they treat service people. And watch out for the lying-be a skeptic-lying over stupid stuff that doesn’t even matter. They will also try and compare you to other people or to make you feel jealous.

Narcissists are here to teach us to love ourselves, and find love from within. ❤ One month narc free/no contact, and the experience has propelled me into a journey of self love, self care, and just an authentic and loving relationship with myself. Please be kind to yourselves.. there is light at the end of the tunnel. The end of this relationship is the beginning of an amazing new you! Self love and having nurtured a healthy relationship with yourself will be your narc repellant in the future..❤❤❤

Gosh! I just love you! I’ve gained about 70 pounds thanks to narcissistic abuse and the resulting adrenal fatigue. 💛

After I got rid of my narcissistic husband I’ve been taking some time to reevaluate what I want in a partner. In the process of that, I have deflected so many toxic horrible men and while I feel like maybe I’m failing sometimes I have a very clear picture of the type of person I don’t want to be with. I feel like that old video game where you have to get the frog across the highway I’m just gonna wait so I don’t get kissed by a Mack truck! Thank you Dr. Ramani for all of your very real advice because sometimes life is hard and we look for things that are like a fairytale and to be able to learn how to discern a quality partner and a prince not so charming that is a life skill!

Watch out for people who seem overly invested in a relationship with you within a short amount of time. These are the people who are usually trying to creep past your boundaries with language that suggests you are sooooo good together and ssoooooo close and intimate.

My narc ex and I prayed and read the Bible everyday together. Because of it, I honestly felt he was starting to feel guilty and he told me days before I broke up with him, " I feel selfish being loved by you." "I don't deserve you, you deserve the best." "I love you and I would feel guilty if I just wasted your time" "I'm a narcissist, a coward, lazy, egotistical" "Maybe I'm not yet ready for a relationship" "I say I'm a Christian but I don't live like one." I was hurt when he told me this because it felt like he was pushing me away/discarding me. I asked him if he wanted to breakup and he said he didn't. But I didn't feel secure in the relationship anymore and he has emotionally abused me in the past so I asked God for a sign and courage to break up. Next day, my ex said something to me that I cannot tolerate. This was the sign I asked from God. So I finally said goodbye. He hoovered and begged me but I never responded to anything. I slammed the door completely. I truly am grateful to God for sparing me

Turn off the gaslight as soon as it turns on. Gaslighting is emotional abuse, thanks to this channel ive been able to identify gaslighting phrases and that my boundaries are valid

I realized that empathy can work against us in these situations and the most important thing that we can do is to draw our boundaries around ourselves instead of other people. It literally doesn't matter why they did what they did. It only matters if what they did is something you want to deal with