Why The "Choose Me Dynamic" Can Be Toxic For Relationships

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Күн бұрын

Why The Choose Me Dynamic Can Be Toxic For Relationships. Toxic relationships have certain patterns. One of those patterns is the choose me dynamic.
In our formative years, our life experience can put us in a situation (or maybe even into chronic situations) where a person (or the people) in our life does not find a win-win scenario and as a result, chooses between us or our best interests and something else. It’s the child whose dad chooses to move to a different part of the country to be with the new step mom. It’s the child who felt replaced by a younger sibling that was preferred. It’s the child whose dad chooses the needs of his own career rather than to be there for the child when he or she needs him. It’s the child who is put into the middle of a contentious divorce and is expected to choose between mom and dad and thus learns that being chosen is what love is. This type of experience can cause a great deal of trauma. Not only can it cause a great deal of trauma, it can give rise to a dysfunctional association between being chosen and love.
Full Article here ⟶ tealswan.com/resources/articl...
Chapters:
0:00 What Creates This Pattern
1:10 Associating LOVE with BEING CHOSEN
2:17 "Choose Me" Shadow #1
4:07 "Choose Me" Shadow #2
5:22 "Choose Me" Shadow #3
5:59 "Choose Me" Shadow #5
7:02 "Choose Me" Shadow #6
8:45 Healing this pattern - Tip #1
9:27 Healing this pattern - Tip #2
13:11 Why you should end this pattern
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Book Reference:
The Completion Process
www.amazon.com/Completion-Pro...
Video References:
Incompatibility: A Harsh Reality in Relationships: 7:44
• Incompatibility (A Har...
The suffer so I can feel loved relationship dynamic: 8:26
• The "Suffer So I Can F...
#lawofattraction #spirituality #awakening
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resources can provide you with immediate help: tealswan.vip/Help
Beginning Song:
Alchemy - Blake Dyer
www.sundyer.com
Ending Song
Our Game - Yaima
spoti.fi/35ZR6JY
Teal Swan is a personal transformation revolutionary. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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Пікірлер: 319

@Gabriela-rg2mq 3 жыл бұрын

As Teal herself says: "to heal is to experience the opposite." The wound of not being chosen and prioritized can only be healed through the experience of being so. We just have to go for it directly, in a conscious, compatible way. Let's not be afraid of letting this pattern go as if it's the only way of getting what we want. Being truly chosen comes from true wanting and free will; if it comes out of fear and manipulation, you were never chosen for who you are in the first place, so the pain persists and so does the pattern. It is still a form of rejection. Choosing to stop the pattern is choosing yourself, too, maybe for the first time. That's the first step. There you go. ❤

@carriehobbes2448 3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant comment. Thank you.

@marinikaP 3 жыл бұрын

❤

@desislava7975 3 жыл бұрын

A big big thank you for this beautiful statement of you ❤🙏

@lesaspravka1173 3 жыл бұрын

That’s not Teal below. Don’t call the number given. It’s happened to other celebrity KZfaqr’s.

@karisattler454 3 жыл бұрын

@Teal Swan thank you for this! You're videos are helping me heal. ❤🙏

@nidhishah8690 3 жыл бұрын

I am not kidding I yesterday got aware of this pattern in my life and it got me I had a migraine and I cried because I was always drawn to unavailable people thank you teal really thank you

@justdreaming181 3 жыл бұрын

Same here !! The timing is crazy 🤯

@highdesertbiker 3 жыл бұрын

word dude we are all connected much love

@nidhishah8690 3 жыл бұрын

@@highdesertbiker much love to you tooo ❤️❤️❤️

@BB-ed4om 2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes. Other times it’s for the best and our subconscious chooses them because we know that we would sabatoge a good relationship. we have to be real with ourselves. Some people really aren’t meant to have a partner. Greed, narcissism, drug and alcohol addiction and anti-social tendencies are traits that are not meant to be paired with well adjusted people.

@johnanderson6898 2 жыл бұрын

Like every time I listening to u talk about some things that I am going through thank you for your wisdom love you

@naadirsoeker2504 3 жыл бұрын

Watching this video made me suddenly realise, "there is enough love in this universe". When she implied that there is always the option that is compatible - fills me with hope. Thank you Teal :)

@Cett123456789 3 жыл бұрын

I have a different take on this one: In my opinion it is more about choosing yourself rather than someone else chooses you. What I mean by this is that someone who is not being chosen by their caregivers actually causes a self rejection because as a child you couldn't cope with this and didn't understand why you are not being chosen you make it something mean about yourself. So the remedy to this would actually priorizing and therefore loving yourself.

@pepegapapaya 3 жыл бұрын

I love this and "needed" this external reflection validation lol. You put into words what I wanted to say. You need to desire your own love/happiness. People are different. You won't get who you are from someone else.

@susiswusch 3 жыл бұрын

You love and accept yourself by accepting your desires and needs and fulfill them directly. You can love yourself and have the desire, that Someone prioritizes you, at the same time. It’s about accepting that you have that. BTW you will love yourself even more when you accept your desires and needs. It’s insane.

@azcactusflower1 3 жыл бұрын

I agree what you have said @Florian. I don't derive my sense of self from another. (Keep peeling the onion peeps :) )

@pepegapapaya 3 жыл бұрын

It's a paradox. I've heard the quickest path to enlightenment is to lighten up. Don't take things too seriously. I want a relationship but I'm afraid all my toxicity will f**k it up. So I don't know what to do. Relationships can either be a positive or negative spiral, you get what you give.

@lucyparsonage6907 3 жыл бұрын

@@azcactusflower1 All the way!! (Onion tears are worth it :-)

@Zoroastrian88 3 жыл бұрын

I just love this woman she is so wise and gets always to the point with great advice and speaks out things which many people don’t want to hear. Thank you for being here Teal❤️❤️❤️

@frankchukwumah9477 3 жыл бұрын

Mooji is good to.

@berniv7375 3 жыл бұрын

@@frankchukwumah9477 From my research Mooji eats meat. Teal is vegan. That is a world of difference in compassion and spiritual growth.🌱💛🌱

@christofl6523 3 жыл бұрын

@@berniv7375 Being vegan is unhealthy and simply virtue signaling.

@berniv7375 3 жыл бұрын

@@christofl6523 How little you know.

@christofl6523 3 жыл бұрын

@@berniv7375 Actually, I am a nutritionist and know a lot about it.

@RL-lf3no 3 жыл бұрын

Teal is so triggering for people, she has to now put a disclaimer before her videos! 😅 Also loving the time stamps :) This really helps us learn, break down and digest your videos 🙏

@eileenlord8705 3 жыл бұрын

This is and has been my struggle for me entire life. Omg this is me so much. I'm ready to shine the light on this shadow. Please help.

@annaadamian6790 3 жыл бұрын

The sense of your own value, your self-esteem and your need to feel loved is not dependent on anyone's choices except your own.

@pepegapapaya 3 жыл бұрын

That's it.

@susiswusch 3 жыл бұрын

You sense your own value by accepting your desires and needs and fulfill them directly. If you have that need, to feel loved by someone else, you can’t just change that, but rather accept that you have it.

@annaadamian6790 3 жыл бұрын

@@susiswusch It's like accepting that you need air. You need love. Love is great. True love, that is. And love starts from self love. That's the tough one for most. Without self love you are just consuming others, replaying an reliving your trauma's and your childhood perception of love as something that is mixed with some sort of suffering. And you chase that suffering, mistaking it for love. Causing pain to yourself and others. If there is suffering involved, it's not love, it's something else.

@susiswusch 3 жыл бұрын

@@annaadamian6790 yes you‘re Right, what i‘m saying is, the need to feel loved by someone else is perfectly fine, and it is about to accept this desire, rather then telling yourself you should get rid of this desire and try to love yourself instead. Which makes no sense because that would be self hate again.

@pepegapapaya 3 жыл бұрын

@@susiswusch I just love my cats cats lol, and they love me back unconditionally, so that can ba a good starting point. You can also feel love by connecting with anything, not only through the complicated psychology of humans.

@NickRyanBayon 3 жыл бұрын

I didn't know this was the root of what I was dealing with myself, like I have found other stuff around it but this actually explains a lot and why we hold on to hope which is the worst, it simply prolongs the pain longing to be chosen.

@ThaMonteiro 3 жыл бұрын

This week I found out I have the opposite side of this pattern. I need people to NOT choose me because I have trauma for causing pain for being chosen and prioritised. This video still applies, so thank you!

@KshipraVishwakarma 3 жыл бұрын

But, inside the guard of "Don't choose me", you deep down badly wants to be choosen. You want someone to fight with you, and say to you that they will accept you with your trauma, & will help you heal them. You WANT that choose to happen to you.

@piggipiggi9536 3 жыл бұрын

This is the pattern of my entire life. Time to change.

@maevahernandez7252 3 жыл бұрын

Teal, please, do a vídeo about how to find new friends that are aligned to our soul! 🙏🙏 I love you 💙🧡

@redditorscienceandsocialis8491 3 жыл бұрын

Just find people with common interests

@purplefish0947 3 жыл бұрын

That's a good one.

@joemachine4714 3 жыл бұрын

What if you are the person others are trying to find 🤔

@Joejoyoyoyo 3 жыл бұрын

@@redditorscienceandsocialis8491 it’s not that simple

@maevahernandez7252 3 жыл бұрын

Yeah you are all right, but I meant if she could do a guided meditation like the one to find your soulmate, but to find your group of friends 😊😊

@louisegarner8888 3 жыл бұрын

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ~ “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” ~ Maya Angelou. Choose someone who's both available and compatible to avoid the toxic "choose me" game where comparisons suck the life and joy out of all involved. 🥇🥈🥉🏆🤺💞

@TruthQuest4700 3 жыл бұрын

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." .....I like that!

@bernardbujard9944 3 жыл бұрын

It is important to remember the statement at the end of all of Miss Swan's videos. When "...taking the initiative and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness..." that you do so "...not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you." And to not get caught up in the "Choose Me Dynamic" over those around you. "If you really love someone then you don't put them in the position to choose between two things they deeply care about." Thank-you, now I see more clearly.

@benjaminmutch1670 3 жыл бұрын

I feel attacked. Too Specific, Teal! I apparently needed this one lol. Thank you for your insight!

@liz6595 3 жыл бұрын

Teal. Stop coming up with videos that apply to me exactly . Stop. It freaks me out XD This popped up exactly when I was talking to my boyfriend. And I always want him to choose me. Over games. Over family.... And if he doesn't I feel abandoned.

@teamfabi 3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking exactly the same thing. I thought she was speaking to me ! Lol Well, thank you ! For the guidance ! Now I understand my behavior.

@purplemonsoon8376 3 жыл бұрын

Me too! He had a son, and it felt great when he chose me, over him. That sounds so bad, but I got such a kick out of it, it was hard to feel bad for his son. I'm usually very empathic, but when it comes to this, I would have happily seen my ex abandon his son completely for me. The feeling I would get when he chose me, was like a drug.

@molestedmango 3 жыл бұрын

@@purplemonsoon8376 My partner would never choose me over his children... And it's probably a good thing

@liz6595 3 жыл бұрын

@@purplemonsoon8376 Dude! I would totally get this ! I'm glad you had to bravery to like admit that though and the self awareness to like see that about urself like damn. That's a punch to the pride

@ekaterinabulanova1530 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! Now I understand why nothing works out for me in relationships.

@BeYourUniquePotential 3 жыл бұрын

May your week ahead be filled with nourishing connections, peaceful thoughts and creative opportunities. Love and peace to all.🙏

@kalpanasrivastava2052 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind thoughts 🙏Have a blessed week yourself 🌼🌿

@angelsrosena 3 жыл бұрын

And the clichê comment pops up again

@TheDreamDetective888 3 жыл бұрын

I have observed that if I feel like i will "not be chosen" I quickly become agressively indifferent to the chooser. I self-insist IDGAF! But now realizing this has me ignoring the root of rejection that influences my conscious behavior.

@hgzmatt 3 жыл бұрын

That's just a reaction to rejection I think. Anger, frustration and a longing to cause them the same pain and reject them back. Some people will break up with others just to avoid being on the receiving end. It might not be emotionally mature but it's understandable.

@QueenP901. 2 жыл бұрын

Man this was so helpful. I'm always placing myself in relationships where I'm never chosen first 😖. I really want to end this pattern.

@TealSwanOfficial 3 жыл бұрын

Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/chooseme/

@roberthuston7896 3 жыл бұрын

Love you 👶

@nimuyreemu3723 3 жыл бұрын

Thankyou

@N-HTTi 3 жыл бұрын

Choose me or I will feel like you don’t care about me That is how it feels I know my self worth is never in question but I don’t feel much security around my relationship which makes feel like I constantly need to keep people around

@Randomclips1877 3 жыл бұрын

OMG! 😱 i am discovering this pattern just last week as I was examining why I feel flattered when i am chosen.thank you for sharing this enlightenment. 🙏✨

@jellybeanlopez935 3 жыл бұрын

I used to watch Teal's videos religiously, excited and inspired. Recently I have to build up the courage because I feel afraid of my own dynamics. This one though, this video so beautifully explains my dating pattern in the last 5 years and it hurts, but I also knew it all along... Thank you Teal.

@Recovery_on_ice 3 жыл бұрын

Who else can tell her videos are coming to an end solely by her tone of voice? I often listen without watching and can always tell when she’s wrapping things up lol

@Katluvspie1 3 жыл бұрын

It’s painful I’m seeing this video way too late. This would have been helpful if I had this awareness before I hurt the person I loved deeply.

@Incognicia 3 жыл бұрын

I have been estranged from someone very important to me because of this dynamic. I always wondered why seeing people brag about being chosen felt gross. Thank you for this enlightening video

@bodhitreesocial 3 жыл бұрын

It's so funny because this is EXACTLY what I have been experiencing. Whenever I feel like a woman chooses another man over me I feel utterly destroyed and then I become bitter and I abandon them/cut them off because I don't feel loved and valued. Amazing the timing on this video haha

@carriehobbes2448 3 жыл бұрын

Well this hit home .... just watched it four times back to back and am feeling sweaty and shaky, but I also know this is a pattern with me. I was that traumatised child. And however uncomfortable it may have been to watch it over and over again, I know this is nothing compared to the torture of having this dynamic repeat endlessly I’ve already healed this to some extent and also healed a lot of toxic shame with Teal’s help (and other resources), and that’s probably why I could even take being confronted by this dynamic. Damn. Just remembered yesterday I set an intention with the universe - “Spirit please help me gently(!) identity and release the last remaining bits of low self esteem inside of me”. Ha. Excellent synchronicity - I’m no longer surprised this popped up today, probably just what I needed for the next step in my own growth towards unconditional self love 🙂 Thanks Teal and team. Time to move onto a higher level of being - this video helped so much. I used to worry about finding a partner with a child and feeling tormented not being their number one priority Now I know, I just need to find someone who is compatible with me and prioritise me because they can and want to, not someone who will choose me over another person while leaving the other person hurt. Yay! Loving this clarity, but yes I do need to gently heal my childhood wounds around this pattern. Wishing you a lovely week Teal and team! Great stuff coming out each Saturday now, seems to be in alignment with my own healing 🙂💜🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

@carriehobbes2448 3 жыл бұрын

Woah. Just looked at the time stamp of this video, and the fact that I’m the 341st person to like it after watching it multiple times (I know how quickly those numbers rise up with Teal’s video releases) and I realised - I probably clicked on this video in the first five minutes of it being released. Didn’t even hear a reminder notification, I just randomly felt a desire to look through my subscriptions and saw this and clicked Now it feels like an inner knowing that knew *something* had been released that would be significant and I was led to it. I’m not a rabid fan by any means, I don’t wait around for Teal to release stuff - I just trust I will be guided to the right thing at the right time How very cool to have that reinforced again 🙂🙂🙂

@ashleshapaliwal6838 3 жыл бұрын

this makes so much sense and i feel insanely hurtttttt

@kennethshaw8890 3 жыл бұрын

I would love to have had this information 15 years ago!

@camez2345 3 жыл бұрын

Right? 😆 For me, more like 25. It would have made a huge dent in my healing process!

@davidgarcia9944 3 жыл бұрын

You have a perfect way to explain all the nonsense. Psychologist only label problems and like medicating people. Now things make more sense. When you are earning money they want your time. When you only got time they want you to leave and earn money. Ok. Lol

@CJ_F0x 3 жыл бұрын

The most important thing is that you have this information now and that now was and is the perfect moment for you to receive this information and insight.

@MrKeysWorld 3 жыл бұрын

Sending everyone peace love and positive vibes ✨☮️💟☯️✨ #Gratitude

@_Trakman 3 жыл бұрын

when you "have the power" you wound others - damn son.

@LIONESSJAX 3 жыл бұрын

Damnnnnn Teal!!! You’re on fire in this video, thank you for clarifying what I couldn’t understand before. Love you 💚

@joshturner5165 3 жыл бұрын

Super meaningful video and near to my heart. I've struggled over and over again with myself going down similar paths again and again in agony. Or have stayed in much solitude in wait for compatibility. Some suffering but much self growth also. Definitely one that needs free space for seeking calm and retreat. Much love to all of you! Thank you awesome people ☺️

@LiftedYoga 3 жыл бұрын

Yup....you’ve done it again! Tagged my patterns. First Enmeshment, which was a wonderful slap in the face. Second Co-dependence, for me an obvious follow up to enmeshment syndrome. Now, with a mother that was working and never available to marrying a success holistic doctor that was never available either. I So want to heal and not repeat living from hurts. I hope its possible. Im ready for real love of self and sharing life with someone available and compatible 🤩❤️

@Mynameisdarkxxo 2 жыл бұрын

Every time I watch your videos I always discover more things about myself that I wasn’t aware of . 11:59 this really touched me

@RoseMarieJamesJr 3 жыл бұрын

I love the new timestamps! Though I watch them straight through when they come out, I do definitely go back and watch specific videos as my life progresses. These timestamps would be great on all your videos, when and if you or your team have the time to go back and update them. Thank you so much for all you and your team do to change the trajectory of our world!

@pocketfulofposey 3 жыл бұрын

This sounds similar to anxious attachment but is a better explanation for these behaviors.

@amandabindoff9724 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Teal! Exactly what I needed to hear this week. Thank you for everything!

@wagoshbrownlongtree3492 3 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of the female character in the British movie "Love Actually". The secretary of the male father husband. The lady in red. Seeking energy feeding and temp acknowledgment from a projection ... Indeed. The emptiness just increases rather than is filled with authenticity. Among the awakening. I can also see it as a side story pattern from the energy wars happening between the different soul and star groups. But disguised as the earthly "War of the Roses" behaviours in duality on the planet.

@somethingbeautiful2212 3 жыл бұрын

I just started reading "The Completion Process" and love it! It is very well written. Although i'm only a few pages in, I can already surmise that this book will be very helpful in resolving the childhood neglect and trauma that I endured, incidentally causing CPTSD. I truly appreciate you Teal!

@joncolunga673 3 жыл бұрын

*Me as a 12 year old watching Pokemon* Pikachu! I choose you!! *Traumatized for life thinking being chosen is the same as being loved*

@the_cosplay_mom 3 жыл бұрын

I am so unbelievably grateful and blessed that I stumbled upon your talks. Your videos are life saving 💙

@CJ_F0x 3 жыл бұрын

I just ordered the completion process like two or three weeks ago and I must say it's like my favourite book ever. As for the video, whenever I watch something and it triggers something inside, I know I can get to work on it. So thank you for both the book and this video 🙏🏻 It's been a life saver.

@franzabananza 3 жыл бұрын

Finally teal talks about something I’ve been healing and I’m not played by finding out there’s a random blind spot when I thought I was doing good 😂😂

@milenagarbarino6396 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Your work is deeply appreciated

@amandafagan5805 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏 Teal. This has helped me out so much. Thank you for being you. I love your work.

@Orchid_1026 3 жыл бұрын

I have been aware of this pattern in my life for about 6 years now. I am much more conscious of who I choose and why I am choosing them.

@IiHikarii 3 жыл бұрын

The synchronicity is UNREAL

@joshturner5165 3 жыл бұрын

Love Teal❤️ She's a faster speaking Osho❤️🙏👍🌷

@MonaAlHmood 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Teal so much for making this video, highly needed it and came in the right time 😍❤️

@mayahmorgenstern6063 3 жыл бұрын

I needed this explanation for a crucial attitude tomorrow I've been having over and over this " choose me " expectation you know, and separating everyone as an adversary. and loosing it all. Thank you

@noellenns 2 жыл бұрын

I am grateful for your honesty and ability to continue sharing your perspective. This knowledge being shared is so very powerful and possesses the strength to alter our realities as we know them. In many talks you describe things that I have thought and felt before , but I could never piece it all together on my own. Although terrifying, your knowledge has allowed me to (slowly) retrieve suppressed and repressed ‘breadcrumbs’ from my subconscious. It is a gift (albeit a nightmare), but it’s something absolutely necessary to contribute.

@annaadamian6790 3 жыл бұрын

You need love. Love is great. True love, that is. And love starts from self love. That's the tough one for most. Without self love you are just consuming others, replaying an reliving your trauma's and your childhood perception of love as something that is mixed with some sort of suffering. And you chase that suffering, mistaking it for love. Causing pain to yourself and others. If there is suffering involved, it's not love, it's something else.

@madphoenixrising 3 жыл бұрын

Teal, thank you so much. This is what I have been waiting for..... this is my pattern. We skipped shadow #4.

@nicolegio9173 3 жыл бұрын

My ex was like this...I always wondered why he chose me, a single mom when he could choose someone his own age (he was younger than me) with all the time in the world to give him. I knew he was codependent and had a lot of childhood trauma with his mom and never thought of it like this. It's like he wanted me to choose him over my child (even though he never said it, I could feel it) and he wanted me to choose him over myself. That was a topic of discussion often. He said he was ok with me having time to myself but deep down he hated it....because he wanted me to choose him. I think he was looking for the love and attention from me that he always needed from his mom but was never able to get. So, I felt he saw me as a challenge that he could win. I had boundaries for him to not be around my son (it was too soon into the relationship) and he crossed them so that's one reason why we are not together anymore.

@camez2345 3 жыл бұрын

I've been the female version of him in relationships, so your description was cringey to read because I know I did that to other people. For me, I think it was the result of emotionally withholding parents. They provided us with a great life, but no hugs, no I love you (not once), no, "Are you ok? You seem sad," no "So what's going on in your life? We haven't talked in a while. How's your new job?" So I think I was always searching for someone to just pay attention to me and care about me, and that would often get me into trouble, into unloving or one-sided relationships. Now, years after my last relationship, I understand the dynamic better but am terrified to ever get into another one because I can't be sure I can avoid that pattern. I don't date or even flirt, and do my best to convince myself that not everyone is meant to have a life partner. I'd rather be alone than in another losing relationship. Ending the relationship was the best thing you could have done with that guy. He had to learn the hard way and that's unfortunate, but he did/does have to learn.

@Allahisadicksuckingmosquito 3 жыл бұрын

@@camez2345 same. I'm terrified to be in and kind of relationship. Past experiences are horrible, I put myself in choose me situation so many times. Yikes it disgusts me.

@pocketfulofposey 3 жыл бұрын

Can I ask what was your motivation for staying in that relationship?

@nicolegio9173 3 жыл бұрын

@@pocketfulofposey well, lots of things. First, I didn't love myself. That relationship pushed me into my spiritual awakening and I finally chose to love myself. Because someone that loves themself wouldn't stay. Also, I believe I needed those lessons for my soul growth. I wanted unconditional love and so I believed that I could love him unconditionally and I did, until I realized that loving him unconditionally doesn't mean I need to be in a relationship with him. Also, I am a recovering codependent so I had empathy and compassion for him. I saw how I needed attention and love because I didn't get it from my parents but I was working on these things for years and he wasn't even aware and sometimes could not even admit these things. And I used to be more controlling with partners like trying to tell them they should change and why and wait and see if it would happen so in this case I did the exact opposite, I leaned back and did not try to change him. I told myself it is not my job and this is his journey, not mine. If and when he is ready he would do it himself. There were so many great qualities about him that I chose to focus on, intentionally, and ignore the rest for a few months (because I tend to focus on the negative) so again I jumped to the other end of the spectrum. I am working on balance and not going from one extreme to the other. I know that if someone doesn't see or want to see something you cannot make them so I know that I would have left when I saw everything I needed to see and processed everything in my own time and that's what I did. I also was focused on my own issues and not paying attention to him as much as myself, which was good and bad and a bunch of other things. But, like everything before today it brought me here and I don't regret anything. I believe only when we heal our childhood and adult wounds do can we truly attract and create a healthy relationship. That is what I am currently doing. Like Teal says, dysfunctional relationships is the norm today. Most people don't want to do the inner work but want things to magically change and that is not possible.

@nicolegio9173 3 жыл бұрын

@@camez2345 I was brought up like you too. No emotional support on any level. My dad never told me he loved me until I was 30 and it was only because I told him he never did. I am a recovering codependent and I could see all of those things in him because I saw some in myself. Although, he was more extreme. He became addicted to me and he finally admitted it one day. This relationship forced me to love myself and not look for the love and validation in others and half way into the relationship I began my spiritual awakening and I told him "I'm not going to need you anymore to make me feel better," and "I am becoming a different person and I don't think you will like her." This is because I saw I was finally loving myself and choosing myself instead of him. I was growing so fast that he couldn't keep up but I didn't want to lose the love and attention because it was familiar and I was going through the intensity of the awakening that I wanted a support system, which he always was. So, I was and am still working on my codependency. I share this to say that until we heal our childhood and adult trauma we will be stuck in these cycles. Until we love ourselves fully and completely, we will continue to need others and need relationships. Ofcourse this is my opinion, I don't mean it as facts. But I encourage you to begin to love yourself because as humans we crave deep connection with others. As for ending it, I don't think he will learn any time soon, if he does at all. I explained why below. We both decided to end the relationship after he looked me int he eyes and said " You should feel so lucky to be with me. I would be if I was you." Omg I was so repelled. He was so insecure that he needed to say those things to force compliments out of me. And I gave him enough already. But I then realized that I couldn't love his insecurities away, he has to love himself. So, I wanted to end it because he was insecure, emotionality immature, didn't respect my boundaries, etc but he wanted to because I didn't fulfill his codependent needs of always making him feel good and being responsible for his happiness and fulfilling ALL of his needs when he needed them and how he needed them fulfilled. So the decision came from completely different places. This experience taught me a lot and I am soon going to begin a you tube channel about my self love journey and tips to help others love themself. We are not broken. We can give ourselves what we need AND while being in a healthy interdependent relationship. Best of luck.

@MrPur3d 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks again Teal for your insight. The "we" sentences made it easier for me to absorb.

@NowsNu 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Teal ~ I honor you deeply for your amazing journey and wisdom revealed ~ you are an amazing being, as are all of we 🦜Namaste 💖

@barbaradelpino9944 3 жыл бұрын

Listening to this episode feels like looking into a mirror! Lots of work to do...

@pepegapapaya 3 жыл бұрын

Choose yourself and the mirror of physical reality will reflect that back to you. Enough said, go have fun.

@pepegapapaya 2 жыл бұрын

@@somethingnice9800 act on your highest excitement. Every moment that you can, take action on what looks most attractive or interesting, exciting, what would give you the most joy.

@88happiness Жыл бұрын

I don't remember NOT being chosen by my parents, but my relationships hint at it... this is so me!!

@Cnote39legend 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for posting this ❤❤ protect your energy always ms Teal Swan beautiful lady 🌷🔥❤

@Droggarth 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Teal. Your video happened to be of similar subject I've recently faced

@annaec1822 3 жыл бұрын

the quality of the videos is better than ever. The content has always been great :) thanks!

@laimajatniece6870 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, this is exactly my experience & the dynamic i'm in

@NaMe-ku4cl 3 жыл бұрын

I wish you wisdom, strength and healing ☺

@laimajatniece6870 3 жыл бұрын

@@NaMe-ku4cl thanks! :)

@cassiestevens8382 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. This is amazing. Every word. 💜🌹

@Sweet_Hart 3 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness 🤯. I’m totally doing this. Thank you so much

@camez2345 3 жыл бұрын

I'll never grow tired of the exploding head emoji. It's so darn cute.

@lyna5227 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you ❤️ I wanted this video so much

@larsgranlof4761 3 жыл бұрын

😭😭😭 Teal you give us alot to think about. I belive that I first, and probably always belive that I will not be choosen. So therfore I try to avoid situations when somebody could choose me, both consius and unconsius. I understand that some people would love to be choosen in those scenarios you describe, but just as you I belive that both partnership and friendship should be a win win situation so I don't wanna put anyone in a situation where they have to choose me infront of anything else. For example, I am allergic against hairy animals, so if my heart start to beat for a women with a Pet I choose to not go for my urge. I have alot of more example from my life. Thanks for your advice!

@TecOneself 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Teal, we woman need to hear this and some man too. We need to hear this over and over again. To love shall be easy and simple.

@TecOneself 3 жыл бұрын

@Teal Swan I love you Teal, I've seen you two times in London and I'm waiting to invest in you after my lawsuit. About Universal Love and Role play (interactive writing I've been 16 years) it plays the aspects you show. ALSO, I wished you to talk with Jordan Peterson and so on. Id love to invest in Role Play and you, this for I'd need hours and days to talk with you about Multiple Dimensions and verses. loyal vibes, pay the site first for a royalty. Wish I was lesbian, but I simply love you, is not sexual. Feel everything you say and you deserve so much more to be shared.

@kevk4558 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this, Teal Swan. I love you!

@jennifernewton4086 3 жыл бұрын

This video is very timely in my current situation in life. Thank you

@LanaALaBonte 3 жыл бұрын

Manipulation at its finest but rarely will anyone confront their own part in creating this drama trauma. The irony is how a person may not feel worthy & this is one way to get another person to “prove it” like a game! In some cases that person may dump the other after this has been proven because at the same time, nobody wants to be with someone who can be so easily manipulated - but again, this is a deep psychological pattern!

@darnellaford8141 3 жыл бұрын

Teal is brilliant...absolutely love her wisdom!

@2YSPRJCT 3 жыл бұрын

"It's the child who..." narrative is ALL me and even more. Not chosen since my very own conception.

@SydneyEvergreen 3 жыл бұрын

hard for me to hear which means i need to really work on this! thank you teal💗

@user-mt9ri4kd5g 3 жыл бұрын

Teal, you are the best. Stay safe in Costa Rica!

@lavanyakushwaha324 2 жыл бұрын

Came here after the video "why you can't heal yourself out of your desire" and im glad i did.

@Word-Smithy Жыл бұрын

I know there is an issue because I have such a deep distrust for anyone who prioritizes me right from the start. My assumption is that there must be something deeply flawed with them for them to turn to me. I can't help but find them repulsive and reject them. The irresistible drug of choice is the aloof or unattainable person who eventually looks my way. And know I understand why -- thank you, Teal.

@Nina_Kowsari 3 жыл бұрын

I really loved the tone of this video.

@dusktilldawntarot9856 3 жыл бұрын

Wow thank you Teal 💜🙏

@carlykit2975 3 жыл бұрын

Well I literally had to hear this today it self.

@davidgarcia9944 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks you got the perfect way to explain all the nonsense. It all makes more sense.

@DelmaCosta 3 жыл бұрын

Wow this is really great, I definitely identify with this 😭🙏🏾

@frankchukwumah9477 3 жыл бұрын

This us exactly what I needed to hear. Im Going through this right now.

@frankchukwumah9477 3 жыл бұрын

It's funny how the universe always seem to get you the answers you are looking for.

@angelamyers4292 3 жыл бұрын

This is excellent, very touching ❤

@featherruxipana7767 3 жыл бұрын

I don't agree that I "hate the person" not responding to me, although I tried to "own" this shadow. But I do agree that despair is toxic and self-abuse.

@bAa-xj3ut 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Teal.. love u 💚💚💚💚💚🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

@cosmicwitchfuck 2 жыл бұрын

Teal you are amazing. Thank you so much. ♥️

@felixthecatIII 3 жыл бұрын

As I Pisces, I realized a long time ago that I really love someone because I was not willing to hold on to him at the expense of his personal happiness, achieving his dreams, etc. no matter how painful. I do not want to put him in a position wherein he will lose a part of himself even for me.