"Do you really have to be special? Do you really need people's recognition? I don't think so. At the very least, not when it comes to this child... He doesn't need to become great. Why would he have to be better than everyone else? Just look at him... Don't you see how cute he is? He's already great, because he was born into this world."

@@gerardo49078 damn, the mom must be very proud of whatever her son will be.

I feel the same way as you. I also live in Washington DC and I feel the pressure of over achieving in everything you do, from your job to the way you look, what you have and even with friends. I am from Mexico where we have a different culture and it was a big shock for me, I am still struggling to fit into this highly competitive society and now that I am planning in becoming a mother is even harder. I have the pressure from my family to stay home and take care of my child and be a full time mom but I also have the pressure from my husbands family and friends to be a working mom, not to mention the economical aspect where sometimes you have no option but to work because one salary is not enough.

Normal here is both parents working paying someone else to raise their kid.

U Have to b a overachiever to survive even just live in America

So well put!

I was discussing with a woman today who staunchly supported that women instinctively know how to take care of children... despite having been raised by her widowed father since she was 5!

I’m still so upset for my best friend. Her husband didn’t cancel his work trip even though it meant being away the first week after childbirth. And he even opted to extend his business trip. On top of that, he made her sleep in the guest bedroom so her night time feedings would not interrupt his sleep. And he’s always saying how babies need their moms more during the early years. He’s so brainwashed by the US societal thought that men aren’t nurturers. These men who don’t shoulder the burden of caregiving must not have ever known a single father. If they’ve ever met a single father, who by circumstance had to fill the “mothering” duties, then surely they would see that they can be nurturers too. I hope I can find a man who notices our child has outgrown his/her/their shoes and goes out to buy new shoes without me prompting. Seems like a unicorn

I wholeheartedly agree.

💯

For example, in Russia, lots of children are forced to go to music schools because their parents want them to. Do you know how many of them actually use these skills later in life? Nearly zero. But it took almost all free time from their childhood years

My dad was the same way with us but because he was forced to work throughout high school and didn’t want us to have to do the same. So so grateful he pushed us to enjoy high school/our young years! I plan to do the same with my kids ☺️

Same here (I grew up in Scandinavia). I delivered newspapers early mornings during the weekends and commercial stuff some evenings during the weekdays). It was my own idea and I loved the responsibiltiy (it was an invitation to the adult world as a 13 year old and I liked the responsibility and to compete with myself if I could beat my delivery record etc). My dad would also tell me to not work my self too hard and only do it if I enjoyed it because friends and rest was important too and not just school and my side job. As an adult I find that that early job helped me lots to take things more serious in life, and it taught me early on to show up even when I didn’t enjoy it. That is a good lesson to have in life because not all things will be fun, but you still have to do them. Personally I also find that I enjoy the fun things more when I have some boring things fresh in mind too (sort of it’s not always like that so take the opportunity and enjoy it). Some of my friends saw me having more money to spend with my job and decided to get side jobs too, which made me popular with their parents (a friend with good influence and it got my friends off of their parents’ back because now they had more money and didn’t ask their parents to give them extra outside of their allowance). I also bought vegetable seeds with some of the money and grew veggies and sold them. If I ever have kids I wouldn’t want them to get a bunch of allowance (I wouldn’t want to take away their chance of being creative).

Im half Dutch (mom) , half Palestinian. My mom was somehow super relaxed at parenting and it was nice. My father was strict and he pushed us a lot and told us we have to be excellent, but then again if it weren't for my father I don't think I would have gone to university and graduated.

America is very much a capitalistic society that touts the idea that success is predicated on having an advantage over your peers. Education and extracurriculars are seen as an advantages that can potentially earn you scholarships to help make secondary education affordable, help you get a job when you have no experience, etc. It creates a competitive environment and an individualistic culture here in the states. We have no societal safety nets like universal healthcare, equal education funding, affordable childcare or affordable higher education. As a parent, you feel like if you don’t set your child up for success, you are condemning them to a life of instability. American education funding is heavily dependent on local property taxes which means the poorer your community the poorer the schools. Many families will choose where to live based on the highest value school district they can afford near their place of employment. It’s a fundamentally flawed system in many ways :(

Ah jealous! Sounds like a dream, I'd like to live in several places for a while.

I agree...we were always taking breaks.

@@redfishswimming That is just a load of bs, excuse the language. Net disposable income in The Netherlands is higher for most people then in the USA. You would have to earn a really high income before you would be better off in the states, like a "less then 10% of the people earn this" type of income. On top of that the dutch have one of the best pension systems in the world.

@@redfishswimming First of all; taxes are great! That's the whole reason why things are so much better organized in NL compared to USA. Secondly, I believe the inequality in NL has not been that big as it is right now... The rich become more rich and the poor become more poor... So as Hendman already said; your comment is a load of bs...

hey I totally agree. I just wanted to say that Im really sorry to hear about that. I hope you and your family can heal from that and recognize that you all went through it. It's really hard!

My daughter is three and I felt every word of your comment in my bones. Sending the best to your family...

@@nataliyapirumova3514 Thank you. I’m wishing you the best as well.

He's not a victim, he took advantage of the societal expectations to be less burdened and less responsible as a parent. Unfortunately, until men step up as nurturers, women will have lesser and lesser children. Not that anyone gives a damn l. I suppose it's for the best, with humans basically being v detrimental to the environment.

@@Ciel_Bleu4 I agree, my husband is an American and he is a very good (and hands-on) father. It's too easy to blame society.

it is not free health care, it is tax payer paid

@@chelseagirl278 which is great, and worth it. That's what it means to take care of each other in a society that values the health and wellbeing of all people.

@@chelseagirl278 It's free at the point of access.

@@chelseagirl278 and free gifts from companies are not really free, they are paid by companies. if you're strict about it, nothing except air is free.

@@chelseagirl278 That is what good governments do, redistribute wealth to create a better society for everybody.

Disaster for us. Profit for them.

Agreed. I have many friends who came from very large, right communities where the village raised the child with you. They married Americans and the Women, being migrants, had NO ONE to help them, to bond with, and their spouses worked long hours. It’s a tragedy that women face social death in many cases, but also financial and physical vulnerability. It’s a recipe for disaster and opens the door to all sorts of abusive environments.

me too

That's a really good plan, God bless your family!

I'm so sorry. This is an abusive thing to do to a mother, it should have never happened. All the best

@@luisa1473 💕💕

You did the best you could at the time mama give yourself some credit 💜❤️

What matters most is the PRESENT relationship that you have with her. She doesn’t remember those years, you do. She does remember how you treat and care for her on a daily basis. Focus on your current relationship with your daughter and those feelings of remorse that you didn’t spend time with her will soon fade away.

@@lvelfe3415 bless you. Thank you. You’re absolutely correct.

it's almost like everything is serious issue in the united states

And in Canada

@@melukosmik not as severe as the USA but Canada has a broken system

The ELDERLY people in the U.S drain the funds for the young people to progress because we have to care for those who are “sick” but majority of US elderly disease is self-imposed (cirrhosis, End stage renal disease, diabetes, stroke). Manage your health and eat well when you are YOUNG. Of course I acknowledge auto-immune diseases are outside of anyone’s control but majority of the people in Nursing homes are there because of stroke (AKA lack of health management while young. Do not be stressed out and manage your diet). This ties into the “Excel culture” that was mentioned in the documentary. In the US, “Bigger, better, faster” ALWAYS comes at the expense of the individual’s health but we also live in a culture that promotes “Do what makes you happy.” So it is definitely a double-edge sword living in the US. But please do a documentary on who will care for the elderly in the US because more young people are getting educated, leaving the elderly on the sidelines.

This sounds like a dream! -American mother of an almost one year old

That sounds awesome. I can't even imagine those benefits in the USA. Corporations run our country and seem to have more rights than the people who work for them. When I had my twins and went on maternity leave I only got 6 weeks and then I had to pay for the extra time myself. The company I worked for also had a policy that you had to pay back the money for employee medical contribution while not working. In other words lets say you have have 100 a month deducted for your share of paying medical insurance and you were on maternity leave for 4 months.....you would have to pay that to the company. How ridiculous is that?

So you had over 4 years

@@Yeewen88 almost 4,5 years altogether. 2 years per kid, but because my maternity leave overlapped with my parental leave that I still had for my first child, those month were added to the 2 years from my second child.

Yeah but only 50% or 30% of wages. If it were full pay it would be perfect.

That’s so sad 😞

@@vp2618 it might be sad if I actually wanted kids but I just... don't. But if circumstances were different, it'd be much easier to go with the typical life script.

That is very sad. :/ There is the option to opt out of your career and instead marry a man who will support you as you do the very important and fulfilling work of motherhood at home. ☺️ I can say from personal experience that this makes for excellent balance! Everyone has the joy of fulfilling their unique and crucial roles in the family unit. No one is redundant. Team work!

@@juliakinzel285 I'm married and we cannot survive on my husband's income, let alone a kid

@@juliakinzel285 where are all of these rich men everyone thinks women should marry? The average American income does not comfortably support a family, even in dual income households. Some women want to work. Some people don’t want kids. Life can be fulfilling beyond wiping your child and husbands mouths.

wow, a year? it's awesome! may I know which country do you live? (sorry I'm not being creepy, just curious)

@@desireedella I live in Serbia and here you can get 12 months off work for your first and second child, a 24 months for third and every child that comes next and it's all paid (it depends on your pervious salaries but working mothers are never left without some income) :)

@@milica7835 wow!!

In Italy it's up to a year, but you have full pay only for a month before and 3 after giving birth, then you get pay cuts. And after those 4 inizial months dad can take those months instead of the mom if they want to. Still great imo. In Germany it's even better, I know of German moms who were able to keep their jobs for up to 3 years (without pay after a bit). The US is terrible for families...

@@silmuffin86 honestly that sounds pretty good too! I'm glad Europe is still respectful towards women US system is obviously so cruel and harsh, I feel really sorry for women there 😥

The Musks and Zucks will definitely take care of parenting and work culture in the US, and eventually in the whole world. India is also heading towards a very similar work culture like in the US. Corporates are gaining more n more power over society.

But it is our culture. Our society is set up like this. We may hate it. But it's still our culture.

A great book to read on this subject is "The Nordic Theory of Everything" by Anu Partenen. I think when someone says 'culture', they are not referring to people, but rather how our government allocates resources. In Nordic countries, resources go to support families, health care and education to a much higher degree than the U.S.

Eeeeeh. I'll disagree. I hear so many people call Europeans "lazy" because they choose to do other things than work themselves to death. Hence why so many Americans are against socialist policies

@@jackb1969 I will never understand the American tendency to make socialism the bogeyman

For a start, in order to achieve this, you need a small and tight community of people who have settled into one area, possibly homogenous, and all trust each other, as opposed to a metropolitan densely populated urban city environment where people from all walks of life come and go and leave no investment in the broader community, otherwise, the people who choose to live in these environments should expect what they get. Second, women being the primary carers of the child isn't a simple cultural social construct, women are biologically hardwired to be temperamentally maternally oriented for children, whereas men are not. This maternal temperament evolved in women so that they feel instinctively compelled to nurture children to ensure their survival and development, as well as ensure that they have the patience to manage and tolerate children when they do things that make you want to throw them out the window. So it's not just culture that's responsible for women taking on this role, it's the fact that women are naturally better equipped for it than men. However, it's not like men don't play an evolutionary role in child development, they teach the child to be strong, independent, self-sufficient, and fend for themselves, or at least they used to until modern cultures ceased to value that male role, and now encourage children to remain children up until they reach adulthood, which has obviously not operated in the favour of individuals in society as a whole.

It is MOTHERHOOD. We grow the baby and ideally should breastfeed them…it’s the Mother Nature way. We have become so desensitized to our bodies that that is why modern women have such bad postpartum depression. We are not raised to be nurturing enough and then we go off and excel in our jobs and suddenly at 30 we have this baby yet have no instincts on how to suddenly be unselfish and nurturing. I went through this. Ideally I do think it’s the woman that should get the year off to feed baby skin on skin (not pump!) and bond with the baby however society doesn’t encourage nor give support for that.

@@gunnikr The unfortunate truth about it is modern society teaches women from a young age that their purpose in life or the most important thing they'll ever do or achieve is having a career rather than having a family. It's a shame, and they do it to men to by insisting that men need to abandon their traditional roles or lifestyles and start adopting more feminine roles, lifestyles or ways of being. These roles emerged from what our biology demands of us, and when we break them we get hurt.

I don’t think they meant to promote gender inequity in raising children. Rather, the video demonstrated how parents, but particularly women who become physically and financially vulnerable especially during pregnancy and early childhood years are impacted. Unhealthy gender roles worsen the effects and they always stack against women…

You mean silence?

16 weeks is very little, compared to most of EU. It's rather 1+ year in Europe.

Actually in Australia you can get up to 20 weeks paid maternity leave; the father can get 2 weeks of 'dad and partner pay'. But yeah it is generally 18 weeks maternity leave for the mother. But still we should get more time off, it's really not enough.

@@lucybird8679 it is definitely 18 weeks. As I just had it. The partner pay is at the same time as the primary carer. Designed to be used when the baby arrives home.

Agree. I also cant’t understand that. Why Netherlands?:) very similar conditions or as said even better are almost in every EU country. I’m a foreigner living in the Czech Republic and it’s just a great country for raising kids.

Being Dutch myself I do agree, a lot of other countries have much longer maternity and paternity leave. I feel Scandinavian countries are much better when it comes to this. However i do want to set some things straight. Dads get 6 weeks paternity leave now and by Augustus 2022 you get an additional leave off 9 weeks which is 70% paid if you take it in the first year of your babies life. I looked it up and a lot of countries do offer longer leave but it’s much less paid so not everyone can afford it. Also a lot women chose to work parttime just because they want to and it gives better work-private life balance.

Because does other countries don’t have as strong economies as the Dutch

I think the one thing that's better in the Netherlands, is that you can work part time quite easily compared to other countries.

@@madamelicorne581 That is absolutely true.

Is it all paid? Because in Estonia my workplace is obligated to keep my job for me for 3 years but paid maternity leave is for 18 months (but if I'd decide to stay home for more than 3 years, I'd have medical insurance until my child is 5).

@@rrrents the cool part is that in Estonia you get 100% of your salary all these 1.5 years :) and you are also allowed to work while on the maternity leave, without losing the compensation - it only gets a little smaller if you work. My wife does that right now :)

@@rrrents 18 months is AMAZING!!!! In the USA we get 0.

Lots of people don't have an army of people willing and able to take care of their kid. Also your kid could just be ahead because they are genetically gifted. Why would a mother be a nervous wreck if she's ignoring her kid all day? Doesn't add up.

@@luisa1473 This is very true - a lot of people don't have a village. A lot of people also choose to not make use of the people available to them (even of the father). I am very lucky that we live near both pairs of grandparents, uncles, aunts and their kids, but I also choose to let them have their one-on-one time with my kid - not many do that, I have noticed. And our son goes to kindergarten (or maybe the equivalent of daycare) from 15 months of age - very early for our standards. He adores his friends there, the caregivers and especially the art teacher. A lot of parents choose not to let the kids go to daycare (it's free here) and I have seen nothing but benefits. Finally, I have not mentioned moms ignoring their children. Still, I think it's the other way around. Moms (or dads) tipically become burnt out (hence depressed, nerve-wracked or yes, distant or ignoring) when they give too much time and attention to the detriment of their basic needs. Beyond the first few months of endless feedings and hectic sleep schedule, there is no need for mom to forego a shower, some hours of undesturbed sleep and some time for her rest or interests alone. Some specific life situations apart, there is always a way, but you have to be willing to let or ask for help to happen.

@@afrodita543 Count yourself lucky. These people around you that may seem to not make use of their extenededs near them.... most of the time there is a reason you are blind to. Assumptions don't help anybody.

I could make the same argument for me. I was raised by my parents only, but I was calm and confident with my grandparents and I was way ahead of other children in most developmental areas.

I am a single mother and have worked in construction. Fortunately, I wasn't ever pregnant while working on a jobsite, but if I am more than capable of working in construction, then you are more than capable of being a complete parent. As long as you're doing your best for your child, you're a good parent. End of discussion.

this is interesting. I wondered about some of the things you mention-careers for women, childcare cost. I do wish the US had a nurse for newborns and guaranteed leave

Exactly !!!

I agree with some of the arguments. However, even with my youngest being born extremely premature and all stress and sickdays that came with that, I was still hired at another company with a large increase in salary and with more responsibilities. I work 32 hours a week. My husband also works part time. We share the responsibilities for our children. I do think you are able to make a career, even if you already have children.

This isn't about "women having careers". This is about parenting styles. We aren't a marxist country with fake careers for women in the name of fake equality. Go away.

@@ozzieenglelewis They are talking out of their fat behind.

16 weeks is 4 months? So same as you when you work privately.

Do you just feel completely ok about yourjob like enjoying wise?

Yes! And we definitely have mental health epidemic here…

this world deserve kardashians regardless nationality. - alexander hamilton

It's toxic. To the point that anyone who is different is bullied and abused.

@@e.g.4483 such bullshit. She just said you can be who you are

@@SD-ko4tz Dutch culture doesn't allow that. That's my point. They don't allow for anyone to be different. What she said was "we don't HAVE to excel" which is fine. Dutch culture is "You better not excel!" or "You're very dumb compared to the rest, you also don't belong!".

Cool

I think quality of life matters and the wealth of the nation and how well it’s spread out.

My son was born right before the pandemic and I was lucky enough to still be living with my family at the time. My partner and I had to live with them for 2 years after my son was born and I will forever be grateful to my family for that although it was very stressful at times, not only did they get to bond closely with their grandchild but I also got to be a stay at home mum for 18 months. I received money from the government and my partner worked part time + studied. So we saved up a lot of money and eventually moved out. Now we have a beautiful apartment, I work three days a week and my son goes to daycare twice a week which at this age is perfect for him. I think there needs to be more support for mothers and fathers who choose to spend the first few years raising their babies into toddlers, once toddlers reach an age where they would like to explore more independently that is usually a good time to start daycare in my opinion, for the child and the parents.

@@Charelhuisman I totally agree with you 👏🏼♥️ I am happy you have such a great family and that you were able to spending enough time with your son ☺️

I am also dutch and totally agree with you! I lived in Ghana for the last year and could combine my work really well with raising my daughter so I only had to leave her once a week with my husband. We are almost going back to the Netherlands and I already feel stressed about getting back to work there again. I am now trying to just work for maximum 20 hours so 1,5 year old daughter can stay with my husband 1,5 day and 1 day with my parents/inlaws.. We love to have a second child but I already feel sad because I might not be able to stay with that child as much as I did with my daughter. I hope I can maybe take a longer leave or even quit my job again when we are getting a second child.

Exactly! And the discussion about Paternity leave...

Where I live (Estonia), the first leave (3 months) is only for mothers as it's meant for giving birth and physically recovering from it (officially a special kind of sick leave). The actual paternity leave (next 33 months, 15 of them paid) can be taken out by either parent (and it can be switched around, so that dad is home first and then a few months later mum takes over or vice versa). There's also one month that's just for dads.

I agree, im dutch and hate this saying

Agreed!!

This meaning of this saying changed the last decades. Now it’s about being yourself and not to have showing off. Expats in the Netherlands mention this very often. No need to buy expensive designer clothes or drive fancy cars. That kind of things.

that not at all what it means suzan, it means there no need to act out to stand out there no need to buy expensive clotrhes or cars to impress someone, and most of all it means be yourself don't try act out and try be someone else.

@@basvanderwerff2725 I really like your version better.. But I generally got told to be less myself and more boring. don't be expressive, don't stand out. blend in, camouflage, behave. And I know for a fact that many other people who stand out by being themselves were told repeatedly to act normal. That we are already too weird when we tried to blend in, no reason to go fully be yourself, you are already acting crazy.. I guess it depends on the context.. you already say it means 'no need to stand out' but for many it meant 'not allowed to stand out'

Excellent point.

@@maryanneevans8812 I mean maybe it has some benefits, but as a sociologist I would expect a more deep understanding why in the Western European countries, parents are more care free and they are more educated in parenting. They really have smaller parental leave than other European countries. I would have expected of a more bigger picture. Is very unidimensional this view, and is just compared with the USA.

Did you know the USSR had a similar policy? I worked with a woman who lived in Soviet Russia and I think she said maternity leave was three years. 🤯 (Of course everyone was somewhat poor and they had completely different problems but...) How embarrassing that the best country on earth can't do better than it does for mothers than freaking Soviet Russia. Lol

@@missloretta Thats because the USA isnt the best country on earth.

@@missloretta Maybe it's because in order be the best country on earth, ie. have the largest economy, companies must actually expect their employees to earn their salaries? Remember, nothing is really free. Would you rather have three years maternity leave but no groceries at the local market bc the grocer also decided to take the month off. Government hand outs put you at the mercy of the government. Stay free. Stay capitalist.

It’s the ideology of extreme individualism by which many Americans pride themselves “pulling yourself by your bootstraps” and hence why socialism, or communities working together, is frowned upon. At the end of the day it’s large corporations pushing such ideologies to benefit from exhausted people but we as Americans consume these types of ideologies as ABSOLUTE TRUTHS….

@@nidiashalabi2036 I think you said it perfectly. And this sense of individualism leads to selfish behavior. Not only coveting more than your fare share, but also taking weird pride it taking the whole world on your shoulders and suffering for it. I am not Christian, but follow a humanism ideology as much as I can and I have come across a lot of distrust when you offer something free and clear. Also, our family is better off than a lot of our friends' so when we want to go out on the town we have to beg our friends to let us buy all the movie tickets or pay the bowling game fees.

It’s free.

Because the US is run by corporations not people, and the dollar is valued higher than human life in all cases.

Don't tell Emma Louise. She'll throw a hissy fit in her room in the parents' attic.

Yes but they pay quite a bit more tax which is distributed to ALL - which as a Brit, I would welcome, but the vast amount of Americans I debate with in the comments, would hate this system.

Can only answer for Sweden, yes we pay taxes to have free school and lunches for our kids, to not pay that much for hospitals visits (depends on why/what help you need) and we have the possibilty to be home for a total of 480 days, parental leave. I do look forward to this, this summer when my baby is due.

Hope you are not thinking tge Netherlands are a Scandinavian country because we are not.

@@ankavoskuilen1725 I have only just spotted that 🤔. Perhaps the original poster is not European and the groups of regions are very confusing - like the balkans etc.

@@ankavoskuilen1725 The OP is clearly not, that’s why they wrote “isn’t”

So true! I live here now with a 8 months old baby and I am not happy that I have to work. Luckily we can share the care. We have tried the daycare but I stopped it because it felt awful. I wish this could change here.

@@monikaklempirova2535 i heard that the government is planning to change this and make daycare free. because people are moving away with their kids or simply can't afford it. hope they do it asap. if taxes are so ridiculously high, they could at least offer some support

@@ladianaify that is true. I think it could happen quite soon. At least some support for those that have to work much.

I dont know who you asked but my husband and I both work 32 hours. Both our girls go to daycare (we use a 'gastouder' / 'host parent') and yes we pay more than 1000 euro per month they go 3 days a week), but we get a lot of childcare benefits. I believe when you deduct benefits, we pay around 100 euro per month, which is nothing! And we do not make minimum wages btw.

Lmao

I think the music was mainly Vivaldi.

I would advise a little bit more research, as many countries in europe have even better conditions. Most have more affordable childcare, some even free. Dutch schools are definitely not at the top of europe, partly due to a mayor teacher shortage that was problematic 3 decades ago and only got worse instead of better. The ' system' for kids with any kind of special needs has been on it's ass for over a decade and does not show any improvement but is still sliding backwards. It is easy to look great compared to the madness of the USA. But compared to our neighbours we are no way the top of the class. We are sliding backwards in many respects. We just have a lot of rich people that can compensate for government failing and make things look better than they are.

Lol/

I like that about the UK.

but it's not all paid.

And many times if your spouse does work and you stay home, your spouse works long hours and barely gets to make a connection with the children. Either way the odds are stacked against non-wealthy (most) American families

This documentary was not about your mother. It was about society's laws to make parents have more time for their children. Sorry to hear that your mother was damaged somehow and in turn damaged you. That should never happen. But it happens.

I'm so sorry to hear that.. I know how traumatizing it is. I was forced by the social to go to therapy since 8 years old, until I was 18. Did it for free, that's Sweden's system, but hell I'm still scarred

@@sarak7855 It helps if you really learn to trust someone, I have noticed in others (fortunately my parents were good parents).

@@ronaldderooij1774 if you don't have first hand experience you dont have a word on it

@@ronaldderooij1774 never said it dosent help, it just isnt enough

Who tf has a nanny in the Netherlands?

@@AS-js9gi America expats

I am a 58 year old Dutch man, and I never, ever in my whole life heard of a kid taken care of by a nanny. How???

We still need an explanation for all the Shanuiqua's though.

Reagan is the explanation for that. He gutted the last strand of federal help for childcare to “stick it to the Welfare Queens” when it reality - it was just already underpaid working moms and laboring families that took the biggest hit.

@@AS-js9gi slavery, that’s what brought most of the black folk to America

Dutch women are the original Karens. Just wear clothing that they disapprove of in public and wait 5 minutes lol.

Same reason

I live in the US and used to work before having my first child, then I had to quit my job because my child was born premature and the horrible maternity leave policy stated that I had to leave my child at a day care a month after she was born or I would lose my job. we're also alone and have no family to help with the kids. My husband is the only bread winner in our family and not a day goes by where I don't think of what will happen to us if something happens to my husband and he can't work anymore. I doubt that mothers here work because they want to, but because they have to.

@@dianasyam5742 Diana, this is my exact scenario too! my angel was born 2mo premature and stayed in the nicu. I used up my leave sitting in the hospital with her. when she came home I was expected to put this teeny child in a daycare, a child who was essentially only 5 weeks old (adjusted age). I said no and we've been struggling on one income ever since. I hate our society! I wish I could hug you. both of our families are hard-core antivax and have made it a point to cut us off until we stop "being so overprotective about the baby", because it's apparently insane to them that we want to shelter a premature infant from unnecessary exposure to germs, so we are alone in this crazy journey. Stay strong, Di! We will be okay in the end

I worked hard to become a nurse so no, i am not going to leave that to be a stay at home mom.

@@annaleishagrant5501 I wonder how people even do it financially without the security of two wroking adults in the home. And what would the point be to get an expensive education (it’s not paid by taxes as here in Sweden), only to give it up to be financially dependent on a spouse who might leave. To hand over your autonomy to another person in adulthood is dangerous. So many women have lost so much by doing this, putting all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. To count on someone else’s health, willingness to stay loyal, and if someone or a few family members got ill how do people pay for that because let’s get real there are only so far one adult’s salary will reach in terms of good private insurances which is a must in a country like the U.S. The mental health aspect of doing the job of several adults now placed on one is off tbh. Always cook, clean, and cater to the children and the view that the make partner ”helps” when it’s also his home and children that he should take responsibility for. To compare and say a man does the most or an equal amount is not true, because he gets to go out and close the door, interact with other adults, feel productive, discuss other things not regarding the home. Feel fullfilled by doing bigger things than cooking, cleaning and looking after the family/home. With a better system and a more updated view on gender roles, women would have more financial safety! There is a reason why so many stay at home moms develop depression and other mental health issues and addiction to alcohol and/or pills. It’s statistics that is in no way about shaming or jelousy. Also the idea that being a parent is the most important ”job” in life is not healthy considering life goes on even after the children move out. Which is a huge reason why many adult children have expressed their stay at home mom became more controlling and meddled in their lives even as adults. Which in a way can be understandable, when the life has surrounded raising the kid, but letting go and allowing the kid to make their own decisions is also important. Not healthy for a relationship either where there is no the home but instead one caters and the other one relaxes and let’s the female partner/wife run around and fix things because she is ”only” at home. I would never want to act like my life has no worth beyond children and s husband. I want a team and it’s the Scandinavian way. Stay at home parenting for women was a thing here til the early `60s when the childcare system was built, and women could as a norm educate themselves and get a job and safe up for their own retirement and buy their own home if the marriage fell apart. You should always be financially independent as a woman and to lean on a man to fend for you is not mature and in a way it’s like never fully growing up (you go from your childhood home and are taken care of finacially and then on to a man who takes care of you financially). One income with benefits is never as good as 2 (financially and safety wise). It sadness me to know girls are still growing up to believe this is suppose to be their main/only calling in life, to stay at home and cook, clean, homeschool ing in some cases, drive the kids around, and get an allowance from their husband. This is what managed to hold women from the work market and to start again after a huge gap after years being at home with dated skills is not a positive and many bosses will turn down these women so it’s another dsngerous aspect to stay at home (to get on track if you for whatever reason need to pay your own bills down the line). Majority of these families do not have a male that makes multi millions a year that will be beneficial longterm.

Love your comment! I grew up with a stay at home mom, and I used to criticize her because everyone else’s mom was a working mom. I recently had a baby and now I realize it’s the best decision my mom ever made! We had such good family dynamics with mom at home. I will now do the same for my child. I am a teacher and I will still be able to work part time if I choose to. But tbh, I would not have the energy to work full time and then come home and take care of my child and give him all of the attention and care he needs. Not realistic for me. I only plan to work full time once he’s in school full time. My job will always be there for me to return to so no stress there. And a lot of people don’t understand how we can financially live on one salary. It’s took YEARS of planning. Paying off debt, going to school, finding a higher paying job, and sacrificing on luxuries. It’s doable and we are not financially worried. It all depends on what you want for you and your own family. Now as a parents, i realize that you can’t judge people on what they want for their own family. I have friends who would never want to stay at home, they’d go nuts. And that’s okay! For me, im happy home. My job will be there when I decide to go back in the future.