A few things so I don't keep getting the same comments from men whining: 1. This is not a character analysis. As has been already stated in the description this whole time. This is, just like the title says, a video explaining why women love Astarion. And, obviously, women are not a monolith, so not every woman will feel the same. This is explaining why a lot of the women that like Astarion like him in the first place. 2. The reason why women can like Astarion for these reasons even though there was that scene in the beginning, when he can end up killing you or drinking from you nonconsensually, is because a lot of them can separate that part of the fictional world from reality. I always talk about how fiction affects reality, yes. But sometimes, you can, say, see a vampire character who feeds from you because he is starving after 200 years of little to no food, and separate it from reality where it would feel sexual and like a violation, because it's not happening in reality, he's a vampire, and sometimes you just wanna have fun and not think too deeply about a fantasy game. But since his assault is a gigantic part of him and isn't the same as the biting scene which CAN be seen as sexual but isn't inherently, it's impossible to ignore, especially when you relate. 3. This is about WOMEN specifically because I wanted to talk about WOMEN. This is part of a series where I'll be delving a lot more into fantasy affecting reality in all different demographics. This one is about women. 4. Yeah, obviously, beauty standards have a role to play in this, and they like him cause he fits the eurocentric beauty standards. Thought that was a given since it literally plays a part in any attraction to anyone, even as you work to remove it from yourself. Lastly, I'm so deeply glad that I could help all of you who have let me know the impact my video has had on you. And all of those who didn't. You guys are the sweetest, and you make my day a little easier to get through. Be kind to yourselves and don't settle or put up with anyone who treats you with anything less than respect and the kindness you deserve. See you guys next time ❤

The compilation of women making inhuman sounds over him is the most relatable thing I’ve ever witnessed 😂

Because it is easy to relate to him...and you want to help him heal because you want to heal. Like therapy.

Can we talk about how he’s also the only (maybe besides Karlach?) that is like totally cool with just being friends? Like any other character when you reject their advances get a bit bitter about it while Astarion is so happy to have someone as a friend even

I never understand why sharing each other’s traumas, feelings, problems etc. is considered “feminine” or why even this has to be something to be ashamed. I love it when fictional men do this, I want to hug them, I care for them. Real men just trying to be cool while they’re crying inside really saddens me.

Another thing to note is that female characters don't often get to experience fully fleshed trauma arcs like this. It's often played up to be a trope of "HIGHLY PROMISCUOUS FLIRT" rather than a nuanced unfolding onion of a character with layers and sympathetic motivations. I personally think it's because of the bias against women and that female characters are already viewed in a lesser light. I'm very glad Astarion is male, if only to protect him from the fandom, but also it's the best sex to deliver a storyline in a way that the audience will give him a chance to see his story the whole way through. Additionally, female characters don't often get the same amount of violent catharsis Astarion has at the end of his quest. So for now, I will live vicariously through his resolution towards his abuser.

I would also like to clarify, as a cis man, ASTARION IS PRECIOUS AND MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

i’m an ace lesbian but i’m OBSESSED with this man. he’s got me kicking my feet and giggling and i couldn’t place why but honestly i think you put it into words

I had not thought about why we are so emotionally involved with Astarion. It makes so much sense. And I guess it also explain why it is so cathartic to get to slay his abuser. Not like we can slay ours irl.

Breaks my heart that some players hate him for the same reason so many women love him. Killing astarion means losing out on such an interesting character and his story, and I can't believe so many people brag about killing him when he tries to bite you. You don't have to romance him to appreciate him.

I have spent some time trying to figure out Astarion's appeal. And you really pull out some really interesting tidbits. I think the one that really resonated with me was because Astarion acts flamboyant and effeminate, he is not threatening like a "traditional" cis man. And later you mention how though he gets angry, he does not threaten you (and I'll add, not even with his body language -- Neil Newbon is perfection).

Honestly, one of the major draws for Astarion for me is actually his voice actor. Neil Newbon, his va, is so completely wholesome and just seems like a wonderful person. He does twitch streams all the time live signing pictures for people with voice lines or plays Baldur's gate on stream. I did find the character first but Neil is also just so wonderful to watch on streams and stuff. Every stream has a little section where he states how his streams are a safe space and how everyone is welcome. Of course, just seeing someone streaming or whatever doesn't mean you truly know the person but that doesn't make the streams any less of a comfortable space.

Our needs, desires, wants, boundaries, and bodily autonomy are not cared for, mocked, and downright ignored on purpose. We are objects not people, it's exhausting. I'm absolutely in love with Astarion

Before I did the work to heal from my trauma / cPTSD, I did exactly what Astarion did: used seduction for safety. I always wore a mask, like he does through Act 1. 😢 His journey touched me on every level - I’ve laughed, cried & I’ve felt more healed inside giving him what I understand now I deserved myself: gentleness, kindness & understanding.

Anyone else been in a situation where you witnessed in real life men's reaction towards women expressing attraction towards these characteristics, like the girls in the streams? How viscerally angry, insecure, uncomfortable, disgusted some of them get? And they're always ready to debate you why your own emotions of attraction are wrong lmao, and convince you how you should be attracted to whatever characteristics they tend to have. How unstable and insecure they get, and how they show the exact behavior of everything they project onto women as being "feminine bad qualities" of jelaousy, competitiveness, being overly sensitive, hysterical etc. Whatever the worst woman that acts like this is like, your average dude that never acts like this can be 10 times worse when he's faced with a sliver of the type of behavior they do all the time (talking crudely about other women's boobs, ass, commenting who they would fuck in front of their own gf's sometimes), but if you dare show attraction to this in front of them, even if they're just some random dude you barely know, they combust on the inside.

im a woman who's always had a feeling deep in my heart that men have only ever valued me for sex and that was the only loveable quality i was kept around for. i've also been in an abusive relationship. seeing astarion reflect these insecurities, experiences, and trauma as well as his active want to avoid sex (at least in my romance with him) makes me feel really seen, safe, and validated. the dialog where he says something along the lines of "oh yes, sex that's all i'm good for. i know." just makes me want to cry because i have had that same feeling. i've even getting internally upset with how sexualized he is by people who haven't gone through it all with him (friends joking that i just want astarion to "eat" me irl). i'm refusing to put him in "slutty" outfits in game because i know i've felt like i've had to do the same to have value.. just really see so much of my own pain in him and it's comforting.

2 Words: Seductive Safety Astarion allows you to be vulnerable, share secrets, and even make choices he wouldn’t agree with without so much as a judgmental glance. Sure he’ll joke and express sincere hurt if it gets that far, but he allows you to be yourself while also reading your body and tempting you into fun. Modern men don’t do this. It’s all about expectations, all women are the same, what do you bring to the table nonsense, and non-poetic courtship. We girls are just tired of the redundancy, the danger, and the hurt. Characters like Astarion ignite a passion that women weren’t allowed to feel a century ago. Indulge ladies! Have fun with these lovely characters and let your sexuality be expressive. Astarion would approve.

My own father was my abuser. in THAT way. My grandfather too, and my whole paternal side of the family. So it was very therapeutic to see Astarion finally hurt his abuser. My mother neglected me, left me to raise myself when my abuser died, she turned abusive verbally and emotionally and manipulative. I was controlled, I didn't have freedom over how I dressed, what I ate, how I ate, how I talked or my emotions. I had to be a perfect doll for her. Half my teachers as a child were abusive. And so was the maternal side of the family in the ways my mother was. I had no actual family. When I made friends most of them were abusive too just like my parents were and every male friend I had was either overly violent and aggressive and made me feel unsafe over things like video games punching holes in walls raging. Or other male friends the other side we're only after one thing and pretended to be my friends or pressured and tried to force me into things making me unsafe. I have not had positive male experiences in my life except for from my current S.O who acts very much like Astarion. I cope in the same ways he does, I use flirting and joking as a defense mechanism. I appeal to people and shape myself to try to charm them. I wear a mask to try to get everyone on my side so they won't hurt me so I'll be safe. I relate to Astarion in a way that his story feels like a fantasy mirror of my life. I personally wish we could romance him without the first s* scene. I wish we could hug him more often. And reassure him more often. I've played both routes with him. I'm not going to get into my thoughts on Ascended vs Spawn Astarion because thats a whole internet debate. He feels like home. Safe. Comfort. Warmth. Love. I care about him hes such a well written man.

I'm going to watch this again AND TAKE NOTES. I feel like most of us have some kind of trauma or bad experience with men, so when I got to know what astarion was like, I just fell so hard for his character. it's relatable, and YES I love men that are in touch with their feminine traits like he is. *he's masculine, but in a peacock way.*

I love Astarion. My spouse got frustrated because he found Astarion hard to romance and I can do it almost without meaning to, I had to explain that to truly get close to Astarion you first have to give him what he asks and let him feel powerful before you start giving him what he needs. Larian did an excellent job with Astarion's body language and micro expressions. It wasn't until the second or third playthrough when I focused more on him and noticed them.

Exactly this. I don't love Astarion because I want to "fix him", I love him because I want to fix me!

Anyone who loves Astarion should check out the iOS Android visual novel game The Arcana and it's most popular character Julian Devorak. He's like Astarion, if Astarion were a renegade doctor blamed for the death of the local tyrant during a plague.

what kills me is how considerate he is. One of the best things about the dark urge break up dialogue is going back and watching the scene where the dark urge takes over. in the moment, he plays off the whole thing like a joke. "no worries. you cant kill me even if you tried. im a big strong hunky vampire man who's going to take care of you all night" and from the player's perceptive he has it all handled. hes completely calm and it almost seems like hes been doing this for years. you feel so safe knowing he has everything under control and you believe him when he says that dark urge couldnt kill him even if they tried. the next few mornings hes like "hahaha remember that time you tried to kill me lol" and if you say the right thing he admits he was worried but for the most part he seems fine. but when you try to break up with him over your dark urges he reveals he was TERRIFIED in a way that he had rarely ever been which is saying something considering the awful torturous life he has had under cazador. So he spends the durge incident and the following days laughing it off and generally downplaying how scared he was because he wants to reassure you that everything would be fine and you have enough doubts about your mental health in your head without him adding to it. i love this man.

he's out there living our power fantasy. Power fantasy for (most) women isn't mowing down hoards of mobs. It's behaving how we want no matter how we might be perceived by others. It's opening up slowly about our pain to someone who won't hurt us. It's confronting those who hurt and used us with someone Safe by our side.

What is so lovely about Astarion is, unascended, he was written and performed by two real men who get it. A beautiful man written by a beautiful men and performed by another beautiful man. ❤ Reminds us that there are real men. Beautiful men.

You know it's a problem when we show online our ways of defending ourselves and men that are insecure will come out of the wood work to tell them about how they would get past the defense easily and how we aren't really that safe.

Though he went cruel and harsh reality for 200 years he never was broken in spirit. He stays him. And that is his strength. Astarion is a strong person. Also I love the details like that he can do embroidery, he mend his own clothes. He wants to be understood but not to be pitied. He doesn’t like to be considered weak or yearned to be saved. He has this dignity that Cazador can never take from him.

I was a compulsive romance and erotica reader and writer on ao3. It was basically all I did day in and out for years. Even when I was dating people, I still longed for the romance of these stories. And then I met my fiance. From day one he's been the most amazing person, he's been open, vulnerable, supportive, caring. It's amazing, even years into our relationship, I can't help but wonder how the hell did I get so lucky. Receiving the unconditional honest and open love I read so much about about completely dissipated my interest in reading fanfics. I really don't even open ao3 anymore. It's wild how I just simply got to live an amazing love story, and all the ones I could read were simply worse than reality. I didn't even know I was trying to fill a romance void in me until I got it filled elsewhere and better

It was very easy for me to fall in love with his character. At first, I simply loved him because he was so funny and a menace, lol. But as the story progressed, I genuinely started to enjoy him as a character. When you finally confront Cazador, that's when you truly see Astarion's pain. Nothing pained me more than seeing his conversation with Sebastian and how he broke down crying after killing Cazador (if he doesn't ascend, that is).

You know what's funny? Being a loving, caring and open about your feelings person is not fenimine - it's just how we, humans, are. I personally think, that masculinity and femininity is the way you present and act - what's your preference in clothes, how you carry yourself, mannerism and etc. But it has nothing to do with how we show affection. People have different love languages (mostly multiple) and that's the only difference. So we should stop accociating violence and unhealthy assertivness as a masculine trait. It's not masculine - it's abusive.

As a man, I love Astarion too. He's such a good character, and his growth as a person somehow feels very real and organic. He's basically always in my party. Neil Newbon did such an amazing job voice acting him and his love for the character really comes through. He mentioned how much he connected to Astarion as a survivor of abuse himself.

I have noticed that all of my guy friends that play BG3 kill Astarion when he tries to drink their blood. The only one I know who hasn't is my actual boyfriend who was raised by his mom and nanny. He is considered feminine natured here in the Bible belt because he let's himself get genuinely excited by me and hates confrontation. We work on showing all the love we feel because he struggles with that. After my mom divorced I was scolded for being a tender hearted female and not emotionally dismissive as my bitter mom. Being with him and Astarion in the game has been healing for me.

I'm not even a woman but you definitely made me cry in the end there! He's an icon in ace community for that one part about not wanting sex in his life. One thing I've noticed is that my straight male friends are drawn to him as well, I discussed this character with them and I was just curious what women find so appealing in him. I was so surprised to hear basically the same arguments (even though though you know, context changes them a bit) they used being said in this video.

As a guy, this had been something I've been wondering about since game release. I think there is an interesting parallel between attraction in Astarion's feminine qualities and a traumatic sexual experience predominantly shared by women to attraction in Lae'zel's masculine qualities and a shared experience of dealing with the expectation to be physically aggressive and violent while also not knowing how to be emotionally vulnerable. I'd wager this was a very deliberate choice by Larian's writers

Astarion reminds me very much my male friend, who is very alieneted by our community (Polish larp scene), because he's against casual s*x and very relationship-oriented while extremly good-looking. You almost can read the "if i cannot f*ck you, then f*ck you" on peoples foreheads around him.

Astarion's story is so interesting and relateable to me because he's a male character given the specific kind of backstory trauma only female characters tend to be given. It's not at all uncommon for women to agree to or even initiate sex they don't want with someone they don't trust or feel safe with as sort of self-defense ("if i do this, then I won't get yelled at or worse") and experience feelings of shame and disgust and even dissociate to cope with it. Hells, I've been there. I've been in a healthy relationship for 10 years now and it still all came back to me, playing this game and learning more as Astarion's backstory is revealed. I haven't had flashbacks for years, but it was oddly cathartic to have the pretty vampire elf dredge up those memories and then give me a chance to confront them now that I'm older and wiser and in a safe place. In a way, helping him is a sort of wish-fulfilment fantasy of wanting to help younger me. He's charming and beautiful and funny and written in a way that also makes me want to help him heal.

All I did was comment on an article on Facebook about how much Baldurs Gate deserves Game of the Year and how I believe Astarions voice actor deserved it as well for being very vulnerable and helping so many people…. Then I got a few replies from men proceeding to say “wow you guys are dog riding this game so much I can’t imagine what it’s doing to the birth rate”…. Like that. THAT SIR. IS WHY WE ARE OBSESSING OVER THIS MAN! Because a lot of “real men” are like you (with some other choice words). We aren’t even allowed to love our fantasy men anymore. I’m tired of it.

Astarion's story mirrors my own in many ways. My parents, while well-meaning, didn't really allow me much in terms of making my own choices. They were the very definition of helicopter parents. I have no doubt that they wanted what's best for me, but they often didn't know what was best for me. And by not allowing me to stumble and make mistakes while I was young, they've simply delayed that stumbling stage until now, where I don't have anything to fall back on if I miscalculate the pros and cons. I don't think I'd be in nearly as big of a hole as I am now if they'd allowed me the opportunity to stumble when I was young. I wish that was the only way I could relate to Astarion, but it's not. My first boyfriend was...not great. He never respected the boundaries I tried to set, and his apologies were always fake af. It got to the point where I was afraid to say no. Afraid to call him out. And as soon as I worked up the courage to break up with him, I still had to do it over text because I was afraid of what he'd do to me if I did it in person. I spent the next three years, almost, looking over my shoulder. Whenever I went to church I'd have to find out exactly where he was sitting so that I could ensure I was sitting as far away from him as possible. If I was anywhere besides my own home, I was constantly looking around to make sure he wasn't following me. Every job I applied for I first had to make sure he didn't work there. And, of course, he'd haunt my nightmares. I've been lucky enough to have had another boyfriend since then who treated me right. The only reason why we broke up is because we both realized our lives were going in different directions. He loved me too much to expect me to give up my dreams, I loved him too much to expect that of him as well. But literally, he was everything you could ever want in a boyfriend. If I asked to slow down, he'd slow down. If I said I wasn't ready for something yet, he'd respect that. If I was having a panic attack, he'd literally drop everything to help me through it. I hope I'll be able to find another out there who will treat me with that same level of kindness. But even more than that, I hope he finds someone else who will treat him right, and whose goals are more compatible with his. Men like him are few and far between where I live, and I hope whoever he ends up with will recognize that, and will treat him with respect and kindness.

Honestly the men you’re able to romance in BG3 have all been healing to me in a sense. Gale’s sweet awkward pining for you, him being devoted and unafraid to tell you he loves you. Wyll’s slow burn romance where you don’t need to rush anything, you can just _be_ and take it one day at a time (something I really appreciate as an ace). Halsin’s openness about his past relationships and the way he prioritizes consent of all parties if you wish to enter into a poly relationship♥️ And of course Astarion, who I’ve come to care for even when he has his mean streak XD

For me, a dude, Astarion appeal is his willingness to fight for his freedom, his right as living being back, i also feel his pain, there isn’t anything that you can do to undone the 200 years old pure suffering under Cazador, but you can help freeing him from his binding, he isn’t a slave anymore, but he need your help to realize that and he’s funny tho

I think people love Astarion because he is well written character with a difficult fate. He is not just evil or good, he is pure chaos, very charismatic and it’s easy to sympathize with him. Character development is huge from Act 1 to Act 3, which is even more plays with players emotions. You can see how Astarion can handle with his terrible past and tries to take his destiny in HIS hands. He wants to destroy the chains and as Tav you just want to help him with it. Astarion’s writer made deep character that players should support him with all their heart, because it’s impossible to refuse such sweet bun. I want him to be free and happy with my Tav until they find a cure. I want Astarion to walk at sun with his beloved🥲 Sorry for bad English, I tried my best.

I've always been very communicating about my trauma's and feelings as a guy. Raised by a single mother and only learning how to talk about stuff through mom and therapy and friends. I get mocked and sidestepped regularly for not being manly enough and being open about my feelings. "men should be stoic and cool". So guess what happened when i told the ex why i loved her, wrote her poems, sang her songs? I got laughed at for it, told i wasn't manly enough, that men aren't supposed to talk about their issues. Getting told by a video that what i did is desireable in theory but having experienced being shunned in experience... It hurts me.

It's difficult to articulate but I feel like another aspect of his appeal to women specifically is that he is totally lacking (as a Spawn) entitlement towards the player character that is so frequently thrown at women IRL. If you manage to get into a love triangle with other members of the party and him, Astarion assumes by default that he is the losing leg of the triangle and seems genuinely surprised and confused if you tell him that you're choosing him over them. As a Spawn, he never assumes he is owed the Player's affections, never takes them for granted, nor demands them. To him, the very act of BEING LOVED is a gift and a miracle in of itself, and because of that, he lacks that frightening, violent entitlement that so many women have faced from some of the men in their lives. It's comforting that he not only does not demand the player's love, but is so incredibly grateful that they ever decided to love him at all, because it means he fundamentally respects their autonomy and their personhood. (This is why I refuse to Ascend him; he loses this aspect [among others] of his character and it's a terrible loss imo. I've seen many say they ascended him to make him feel safe and let him walk in the sun and then hated the changes in his personality, and I just can't do it. I'd feel like I'd killed him along with those 7000 other people.)

Astarion's one of the most emotionally engaging characters I've seen in any game, even in a completely platonic playthrough. What did it for me was when he thanks you at camp if you don't pressure him to drink the Drow's blood in moonrise. Larian could have left what I thought was a one off moment with an "Astarion approves" but they followed through with an incredibly sincere scene that still sticks with me. The amount of care this game has for the characters is so refreshing

Because he's not only a well written character, not only a well written pretty character, not only a well written abuse victim (which is about as rare as fidning an actual needle in some random haystack), not only still fun to be around, no, to top it all off he also has god tier voice acting.

Really depends on what type of woman and her personal tastes. I'm a 33 y.o male Astarion fan. At least here in Bible Belt USA, it's not uncommon for a woman to become disinterested in you when you open up emotionally or show vulnerability. Since it detracts from your masculinity in their eyes. It's been refreshing to be able to be in relationships where this is not the case, but it's an unfortunate reality in other cases. It's not surprising to me either that Astarion is my favorite romance partner in this game!

Yes omg!! My guy friends who also played this game were making fun of me for getting so obsessed with Astarion, especially given that he’s not my usual “type” at all. I realised pretty quickly that they all had a pretty surface level understanding of him as a character. Tbh he’s quickly become one of my top two all time favourite video game romances alongside Garrus from Mass Effect

I’m literally crying while you’re explaining this… I couldn’t put my finger as to why I love this man so much. I just did. But I played this around my boyfriend and he kept judging me and making jokes saying I only like him because he’s a “bad boy” and I liked twilight as a teenager and how ALL the woman that faun over Astarion are “choosing wrong” because we “always” go for the bad boy. And then when we got to the root of Astarions character and backstory and I was crying at the sweet moments you can have with him… my boyfriend just basically rolled his eyes. I felt guilty for loving this fictional man. But you just put into words everything I was attracted to and didn’t even realize it. It’s like it clicked. I am a victim of SA and narcissistic and abusive exes… and I couldn’t figure out why I felt so safe with this attractive box of pixels. Honestly, thank you for making this. ❤

this is so well said. I knew there was something special about him. I just couldn’t put my finger on what drew him to me so deeply. He’s truly a beautiful beautiful character. I’m so glad Neil was able to make him feel so real

Astarion - Star ⭐ We love him❤ I will not lie, he's what made me get Baldur's Gate 3. And I will never regret that ever. This fictional man has made me feel everything and I wear my Astarion fangirl badge with honor! Thank you for this video! I loved it 😍

This was absolutely interesting. I grew up on romance novels when I was child because those were the books that my mother had in her library. Danielle Steele in particular. Its interesting to note that the men portrayed in these books and the male characters women find appealing share some of the same traits with Astarion. Would you say that the Lucifer character in the TV show or Russell Brand ( keeping in mind the recent sexual scandals) are good examples? Great work.

Great video! Really encapsulates why women and queer people are so drawn to him. I think another angle on why Astarion is so beloved by people is the lack of sexual pressure/aggression. Yes in the beginning when he is trying to seduce you he needs you to fall for it and have the two of you have sex. But once he falls in love with you and comes clean, he will ask to put a pause on intimacy. While he figures out how to have a relationship without sex. For a lot of women, I feel we constantly feel the pressure of performing and offering sex to male partners all the time. Even when we don't want to/feel like it. I think a lot of people sick of sexual pressure, are low sex-drive or asexual appreciate Astarion's romance a lot for that reason. To have a relationship were there isn't a massive amount of pressure on sex all the time. To have sex be a special intimate thing instead of just pure lust or a performance/exchange(Which in Astarion's cause is something he had to deal with). Does anyone else get what I mean and feel this way?

Only a few mins in but honestly hearing you explain this, as a bisexual i think even if Astarion identified as female or was afab i would still be atrracted to him. Im not attracted to him because hes a man with all these traits, with all this relatability, its just that it is a breath of fresh air to see a man like this; comfortable with his feminine and masculine attributes, emotionally inconsistent but not in a way that feels physically threatening, being cagey and sarcastic as a defense mechanism from years of veing objectified, behaving in self destructive yet survivalist ways women have for centuries - using their bodies to attain protection, performing interest, even engaging in sex simply so that they can say they werent forced. He really does represent a lot of typically female experiences but with his maleness not discarded. Sort of offtopic but I think this is what some afab people and women mean when they say they feel safer around trans people, particularly trans men - it can come across weird, but what they mean is that trans people have experienced a wide range of gendered interactions, theres probably no one who understands mysogny and objectification better.

Never thought I'd be so into a flamboyant man in that kind of way, but somehow Astarion does it for me. I've been fangirling over him for weeks now because of KZfaq, and now I'm fangirling over Neil Newbon, too. 🥰

I tried to have a romance with him. I've had relationships with men in the past who abused me mentally and Astarion had the same vibe from the start. Seduction, lovebombing, manipulation,distrust and my mind was screaming - walking red flag. I understand that he is traumatized and I went through his personal quest with him and finally understood his behavior. He became my friend, but nothing more. Like, Astarion, you don't need a relationship, you need a therapist and healing.

Oh my goodness, you hit the nail on the head with this one. I didn't even realize some of this - the poeticism! The flattery. The peak flirtation. But also his vulnerability. He sets me on FIRE, y'all.

I couldn't put my finger on why I liked him so much and you completely nailed it! He just gets what it's like to be hurt and he's so nice to my character. Also do you have the sources for the videos you showed? I feel like I might enjoy watching some of those live streams but can't find it on my own.

Girl.. This man just has me floored. He is perfect. I have never been this genuinely sad that a fictional is well.. fictional lol

I so desperately relate to the feeling of being tainted. My girlfriend and I both have deep running sexual trauma, and despite now both being safe and loved and wanting to show that love for each other through desire and sex, our bodies are almost entirely unable to, no matter how much mentally you may want to express it. Astarion has literally done more for my healing journey than some counsellors ever did. I'll love and protect this boy til the end ❤

The thing about Astarion, for me, is that I'm not the kind of person who subscribes to the idea that I can change anyone IRL. That sounds ridiculous and self-important tbh. But the more I get to know Astarion's character, see all of his flaws and shining points, I can't help but think, "Oh. Oh, you're so broken. I want to fix you. I want to make you happy. Your happiness is now more important to me than this game's main story." I hate myself for even thinking that because who the eff am I to have such an influence over another person? But I did feel that. For a fictional character in a video game. Damn Larian for their writings and also Neil Newbon for that fricking voice!

A man, Adam Smith, was the lead writer on Baldur's Gate3, while a man, Swen Vincke, directed the actors, and a man, Neil Newbon, breathed life into Astraion.

This is going to insult so many people: I feel like those who journey through his romance, who hear everything he's gone through, about his feelings regarding Cazador and the means his former master hurt him- If these players let him ascend because "it's what he deserves", the player themselves are admitting that their intention was to always objectify him to fulfill their personal fantasies. I came to this conclusion after observing the many rebuttals from players who compare Ascended Astarion to a BDSM romance, or that they themselves enjoy being degraded. At the end of the day, his Ascension wasn't entirely for Astarion's benefit, it was for the player to resume some sexual fantasy: "A possessive and obsessed power hungry, controlling full and all powerful Vampire who wants to bend the player at will, and is willing to turn them into a Spawn to forever be enslaved by him", which is literally everything he's TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM. It's why Larian, Stephen, and Neil, have made it very clear that Ascending him is the purely evil route. It's not evil because he ascends, it's not evil because he becomes Cazador 2.0, it's not only evil because he loses his soul- it's evil because it only goes to prove that the player themselves never truly acknowledged his trauma, they only called him sexually, to fulfill their own Vampire RP kink. The point of Astarion is to lead players through a very intimate journey of healing from sexual and physical abuse. It's meant to be educational for some and therapeutic to others. Only those who can't relate or don't care to aid someone's journey through this would choose to ascend him because A) They don't entirely care B) They don't personally understand and assume the abused becoming the abuser is the better outcome and C) Do understand but assume that having a soulless narcissistic possessive abuser is far more attractive than who Asterion shows himself to truly be. Astarion has many layers to his personality. Once he familiarizes himself with Tav, he starts to show his true (dare I say) goofy self. Behind the layers of trauma and seduction, he has a humorous, jovial side to him. No longer is he hiding behind an armor constructed of alluring charm, he's him. I sometimes think that the only reason those who ascend him didn't choose the "it could be enjoyable with me" line when he confesses his feelings in Act2, is because he drags them for being inconsiderate and immediately drops their romance line (as he should). I'm not saying all who ascend him think along these lines, because there are some who do ascend him only to see that playthrough. I'm only referring to the majority who ascend him to get their own desires from his storyline by objectifying him as the "sexy scary possessive Vampire Lord", which is, yuck. Before I wrap this up, I also want to add that Ascended Astarion IS NOT a true representation of BDSM, as those who openly shit on 50 Shades of Gray have made it very clear when it comes to true depictions vs the bullshit written by someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. In this case, those who objectify and ascend him for their own sexual pleasures are the latter. When you see it this way, we can all understand why Neil rolled his eyes and deadpanned at the viewer who called themselves an Ascended Apologist during one of his streams. I'll probably make a vid on this now 😂 . Your video has helped me see things in this regard, as my videos in TikTok usually approach this from Astarion's perspective regarding his personality because of his experiences, vs the nature of his person and why he's so liked based on what he presents to others. Well done video!

the worst he can say is no... him: "its not you, its me. i have standards"

Thank you for this video, I feel like it's hard for me to explain why I love him so much and why I was so attached to him the first time I played the game years ago. I feel like you put a lot of what I was feeling into words, it was all so well put.

I love this video, because it describes everything so beautifully. I went through emotional abuse for almost 7years

I started playing the game because of him. My coworker told me “You can romance a vampire” and I was like “Alright I’m in”

I love Astarion, truly one of the best fictional charactersI ever had the pleasure of going through a journey with. He's so fully realized and well.. real, Larian and Neil did such an amazing job with him. I do think it's intriguing how many women relate to Astarion, but as explained it makes so much sense. Unfortunately, it seems for many men the type of fictional characters they seem to adore are on the more toxic-side, Walter White, The Joker, Patrick Bateman. The type that just snap and do unspeakable things, perhaps its more realistic depicition (sadly) of how many men may choose to deal with their rage and trauma. Even though Astarion could easily be written as toxicly as those characters (and to an extent he is when he becomes an ascended vampire) there is that glimmer of hope, they desire to change that makes his journey so beautiful. In spite of the darkness,brutality and ugliness of his life, to come out the otherside to (literally) see the light and choose for himself is just incredible.

Came to understand a character's appeal, left with a better understanding of romance as a genre. Good work

Yes - thank you. I couldn't put my finger on it but I really love his character for all the reasons you put out there. I keep trying to type out something more profound than this, but I keep erasing it because I'm embarrassed or crying about it. No notes. Thank you.

This makes so much sense, like I was talking to my brother in law about bg3 and when I told him I was romanticizing Astarion he was so confused in why I would like him and I had a hard time explaining exactly why but this is it. Granted he went with laezel’s route so really he cant judge my choices lol

I love how baldur's gate 3 has become "astarion dating sim"

Im a guy, well Im bi and Astarion has melted my heart, body and mind in all 2 of my playthroughs. I've both cried and loved him with the best of my Tav could offer. One is giving in through his whims and the other is fixing him and curing him of his traumas by "doing a certain thing" *I dont wanna spoil for those who haven't seen it* but yeah, I've fallen head over heels for him with his words, actions and overall character.

I made a durge drow sorcerer with the express intention of romancing Gale. It was an accident to get Astarion’s approval up as high as I did, but oh my word I am struggling with this man. I am trying to stay focused on my Wizard goal but every time I go to camp it’s another Astarion scene and I am falling in love 😩

Some of his comments also made me realize how I should change how I look at things. Paraphrasing one of them, Astarion makes a comment on something along the lines of why he should be nice/care when the strong never saved him when he was in a horrific situation. I thought of that way for so long, thinking why I should help others in those similar when no one dared to even bat an eye when I was going through ab*se. Recent years I have been changing that way of thinking, and hearing him say that just gave me an 'oh crap' moment. Even now I can't seem to escape from the 'not so great' living situations. But I'd rather do whatever I can to help others and not have them go through what I went through. Even if it means making matters worse in my situation.

I have very similar trauma as him. I thought I didn’t deserve love because of what happened to me and because of the thoughts that were put into me by other people. Proving to Astarion that he is worthy of love was actually very healing to me, and my boyfriend helped me romance him hahahah

“Astarion disapproves. I’m reloading”ME LITERALLY ME EVERY TIME

He, his story and with game plot story are so well-written, and also VA performance made a perfect combination and result.

I've been thinking about this for a while. Thank you for putting together such an eloquent summary of why so many people (including myself) love Astarion so much. The writers and Neil did an amazing job creating him. I hope to see many more impactful and relatable characters in the future.

A wonderful overview of Astarion's romance and why so many people have fallen in love with it. I find I often feel embarrassed or ashamed escaping into fantasy romances, so it is reassuring to see someone so clearly explain why we do. Life is difficult, and sometimes imagination is our only comfort.

The first thing that I noticed about myself because of Astarion was how I behave, the jokes, and the joy in seeing misery in others, the body behavior (the grand gestures and all that), overall his entire personality, I am A LOT like that, but then when I got deeper into his trauma, I realised that I, how should I put this, "put aside" my trauma and just moved on, like it was normal, while having all the sh*t buried deep inside. And believe or not, Astarion brought all of that to the surface and it fucked with me for a while, but then I talked about my crap to a friend and it was so liberating? But also not really?? But seeing Astarion healing from everything it's so cathartic to me, brings me SUCH JOY. I will protect him always, Cazador is dying, he doesn't stand a chance

"meeting" Astarion literally made me go through therapy cause I suddenly understood that I see myself in him, see my own trauma which i denyed for years. This game, this character have done for my mental health more than people i actually know. So yes he's still hot and sexy vampire but i totally get why so many people so into him - he's alive and he makes us better

You got it absolutely right! My husband shares a lot of the same traits because he was sexually abused when he was younger and in a very toxic relationship. I had a very manipulative and abusive ex myself, and my husband is amazing when it comes to working with my traumas.

Holy sht. I was talking to my friends yesterday and was completly stuck on WHY do most woman ( me myself) go for fantasies. Now I found ya video and ya set my mind at ease now. Thank you for making a great explaintion aswell showing parts of when Astarion talks.

2:17 YO WAIT THATS ME! I didn’t expect my thirst to be put on full blast- 😭 This is the coolest thing ever omg. It’s surreal to see yourself in a random KZfaq video. 😅

This is probably the best video on the Internet wow thank you for making this video

I just realized how safe all the men are in this game. Astarion is flamboyant. Gale is nerdy. Wyll's a theatre kid, and Halsin loves ducks. None of them are hypermasculine and are very emotionally open and communicative.

Yes!! I'm sooo looking forward to more videos like this. You really hit the head about our love for Astarion. Thank you!!

I'll just say as a gay man myself, I don't think all gay men would love someone like Astarion. I would say it's 50/50.

I've seen someone saying that he is popular just because he is skinny and white 😑 Like, yeah, let's ignore all his story, complex feelings, wonderful performance of the VA and everything else great about him, surely it just because the gals like white dudes 🙄

Now see, having been SA'ed myself, I have had a railroad of feelings between sympathy and anger at Astarion. During my first playthrough, I was quite put off by him at first... being that after just two or three nights in camp he tries to violate your bodily autonomy while you're sleeping by biting you without permission. After learning his story more, I did start to feel sympathy for him (and especially once I found out WHY he tries to bite you through watching a scene from where you play AS him), but I definitely still don't have the obsession with him that some do. I empathize with him, but that one part did kinda sour him to me a little. I will say though that THAT scene in Act 3 (If you've played, I'm sure you know which one I mean) is so powerful, SO cathartic, and literally made me sob, after having been in an abusive relationship myself. It made me feel so much.

Trigger Warning Well i watched this because it showed up in my recommended section and i wanted to see others opinions about astarion. For the longest time i thought i only liked him because hes fruity and sarcastic, but after listening to this video i think i just viewed astarion as a mirror image of me. Except astarion was in the process of healing. Im MTF trans and i started my transitioning after SA and PTSD and ive been afraid of feeling emotion and getting attached to anyone for the last few years. I guess im just saying that you pointed out some good things and allowed me to have a good cry. Damn this video fucked me up.

The way I clicked on this and didn't expect the best explanation whatsoever- And not just that you are absolutely stunning! You look just like my Tav, its so ironic!! 🥰🥰

Most of the time when I see people hate Astarion, it's cishet men... And I just know it's insecurity, homophobia and misogyny behind it. The number of times I've seen "horny vampire gets the stake" comments is fucking baffling! If Shadowheart acted like Astarion I'm absolutely certain non of them would have a problem with it, because it's a woman acting that way towards them and not a man. If they actually got to know him they'd know he's literally not a horny vampire, he's just a vampire and he's uncomfortable with even being PERCEIVED as a sexual being which for me is so painfully relatable. The trauma of just having a body that seemingly isn't allowed to exist without being a sex object is fucking terrifying

As a man i would just like to say, a lot of us try and are horrified at the world women are put in. For men who arent idiots feminism is a fight we get behind! if you will have us :)

The way you worded this so beautifully and found me many more reasons to love him is incredible.

A good essay, but I gotta say, there's a huge amount of appeal for his darker aspects, too, I find. The fact that he's manipulative in the beginning, that he's brutal and unapologetic about it, and that he's a self-interested liar are all things that add to that appeal, genuinely. Specifically in the fact that his genuine emotions and his vulnerability being accessible to the player means he can serve the most illusive and dangerous of all women's fantasies: "I can fix him."

Not sure what it says about my psychology but I'm finding it really hard to romance Astarion. I've never liked having sexuality projected on to me. So all his "sexy" lines really made me feel gross. I've never been physically assaulted but people have often mentally assaulted me - often telling me what they thought I was feeling, describing what they think I looked like undressed, or telling me in great detail what they wanted to do to me. People would follow me home making comments on my body. Bedroom talk makes me want to crawl out of my skin now. I LOVE Astarion when he wasnt being romanced. Like, my Tav and him were platonic BFFs but going through his romance playthrough has been challenging. I was told his story with Durge is the best out of all the companions so I hope it gets better. Gale was a good play through for me. Everything about him just felt safe.

i was drawn to Astarion years ago when i saw clips of early access dialogue, and when i finally played it at release i did romance him. i have a longterm boyfriend that treats me well and yet i was still drawn to him and wanted to see where things went….and my boyfriend hates him. but i think he’s genuinely one of the best characters in RPG history. 😌

Astarion has been such a blessing. I first saw him long before BG3 was out, and liked his style, specifically his "old-timey manners", and the way he talks. I am a real sucker for that, and his voice is really pleasing. Then, after I played I got really into him because of all the SA that happened to him. It basically felt the same as my experiences, minus the vampire bits, obviously. This is why it really makes me sad as Hell when people say "he is just a hot guy" or basically treat him exactly how he doesn't want to be treated. I have struggled with the whole "Maybe I am only good for sex" thing he is going through and it's so absolutely destructive. You get to that point after seemingly the whole world treats you like a "thing" and sooner or later you act like it because "they've gotta be right". I have never really cared if somebody disrespected a fictional character before, but because Astarion is so tied in with my own situation (and that of many friends, sadly), people making poop remarks about him feels like they'd say the same kind of crap to my friends or me, and that's just not right, you know?

Wow, you really put words to what I've been feeling. This is so validating and empowering, thank you!