A Narcissist will not let you go if they don't have other supply. 🍒

Because they see you as their property, something they should be able to put away in storage when not in use, and should still be there waiting for when it’s wanted again.

I ended my relationship with him when he was still in love bomb phase but some cracks in the mask were beginning to show and one day he flew into the most horrific rage. Too good to be true was revealed to be exactly that. I shut the door six weeks ago and he has been relentless in trying to get me back. Over a hundred emails, texts, phone calls. Not engaging with him is the hardest act of self control I’ve ever had to endure. He drives by my house, calls my family members and vacillates between loving words and verbal abuse. Cognitive Dissonance and the strong trauma bond are at war with my soul. I know this man’s wounds - if only he understood them. That switch from normal to rage is terrifying- they leave and someone else comes in. It’s like a blackout of some sort for them. When things were good between us he once told me he would never leave my life, even if I asked him to. I was in such a state of euphoria with the love bombing that I swept that comment under the carpet. He knew what was going to happen. Never ignore red flags! If it’s too good to be true, it isn’t good!

This is the most miserable thing i went through almost 7 yrs with her i would leave her and block her.. but there she goes after a few days she come looking for me apologizing and i would fall again and again ! Narcissistic people drain the heck out of you ! Until u burst please if u block a narcissist dont unblock them because theyre just waiting for a optirnity to wiggle their way in ...and the miserable cycle starts all over again and just gets worse and worse !!!

We have to learn to let them go too once we go no contact and stay no contact.

Childrem families and even vulnerable adults must be physically protected from these demons..

4 years of spying stalking and harassing. 2.5 years of rejecting her and staying away. And all they ever do is follow you like some damn Bigfoot on crack

My narc ex is as big a believer in no contact as I am. Shit sucked, but it ended quickly, and she didn't wreck my life. Best thing that ever happened to me. A quick but intense burst of narcissistic abuse that put my principles into proper alignment.

It's like damn your married,let me gooooo

I attempted a short 1 month separation, space for us both to think about our actions. He spent no time working on him!! He would not stop texting and calling EVERYDAY. Told me he loved me, missed me and he knows now how to make me happy. So I came back. Few months later I learned about narcissists. Wow!! A vail was lifted. Suddenly so much made since. I plan to be out of here in a few months. He will NEVER change, I accept that now.

omg this was so englightening. After 7 years of this and being pushed away, he told me "Im losing you", I broke it off, blocked him for the last of many times and he passed away October 2022 from an overdose. There were times throughout the relationship that he would threaten his life if I left him and when I would break up with him he would show up at my house. One of the times, I wasnt home and came home to him on my bed (he came into my house through my bedroom window), His mom thinks he overdosed accidentally. Now that Ive had time to think and think and think, I think he took his life to spite and hurt me. Deep down. I also think his mom knows what he did but wont admit it. Hes threatened to take his life "if i blocked him again" Alot of mental abuse. Im not the same person and I wont ever be ever again. So damaged and broken. Somehow I still feel guilt and regret. If I didnt block him, he would be here. Ive been married and in long term stable relationships. This relationship by far was the worse experience of my life. So much of my experiences puzzle into this disturbing this order. Ive learned I was the empath. Naive to think these people didnt exist. At 40 years old, I never knew what narcissism was until the last few years. THAT was when it all made sense and made it easier to subconsiously push away and fall out of love. So much damage and trauma he caused me Thank You for sharing.

Great discussion as always Ben Don’t ever stop teaching us Lots of us need you greatly!!

Happens in friendships too unfortunately😑

My narc ex just won’t go away when I though he would after I discarded. Constant hoovers and ongoing battle for him to leave me alone. Ignored him so much he just constantly keeps on and on.

My ex narcissist is scared that he won’t be able to handle life alone. He has girlfriend and I am trying to move on with my life. We share children so I see him at least once a week when he visits. Whenever something happens in his life that causes emotional deregulation. He is at my doorstep or on the phone. He cannot self soothe. I am pulling away slowly but I’m tired. I don’t owe him kindness but I am not him. This is what he said the last time I pulled away. “Don’t close the door so fast. Can you do it slowly please? Don’t you understand that I need you in my life even if it’s just friends.” He wants control over our children and me. He would be happy to have a secret romantic relationship even if he has a girlfriend or a wife. He has told me as much. I don’t fully understand how someone can have skewed values but he calls them exception’s. They are self serving. So I pull away slowly so that he doesn’t lose it. Ben, could you please talk about the suicide rates of narcissist. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate topic but it’s something he always brings up when faced with fears of being alone or in dealing with the shame and self loathing.

They don' t Let us Until they don' t take every atom of Energy AND hope. Especialy hope to Make sure that you can' t get up.

Your Friday night 🔥sessions have helped me in more ways than imaginable

I was a heavy drug user but this is a WAY DIFFERENT thing

Listening to this makes me think I’m the Narcissist 😞

You speak very intellectually, your a smart person.

The second I start to feel like I'm moving on he resurfaces. It's like he has a sixth sense for when I'm getting stronger and can't have it! And I was so incredibly happy when we were together, right up to the moment I walked in on another woman that had spent the night with him, right after he made love to me that afternoon he spent the night with a female that showed up out of the blue and basically spread her legs for him, no prior connection other than they grew up in the same small town we live in. When I asked him why? Because we were happy and getting along great, he said there really was no reason. When I asked what I did wrong he said I didnt do anything wrong that there was no reason. He could have said just about anything else and it would have been better than that!! And now he says he misses me but just doesnt want us to be together. But like I said he knows when I'm starting to feel stronger and hits me up. And me being the weak stupid little girl ( not really I'm 58 but I act like a child when it. Comes to him) and invite him over! I've told him I'm to weak and I need him to do me a favor and just leave me alone. He laughed and says things like " well you know that psychic told me there is a blonde woman close to me that will always be a part of my life" implying that I'm that woman and hes not going away and so I should just get used to that fact that I belong to him even though we are not together. (He pretty much said those very words) The really sick thing is on some level that gives me comfort! Comfort in watching him give commitment after commitment to other women! I wish I knew what was wrong with me! I've never had a problem moving on but even after all the horrible things hes done to me and there have been a few. I would still give anything to hear him say he wants me to be with him and be "his woman". What twisted thing is wrong with me that I cant stop crying myself to sleep over him? We saw each other casually for 8 years then lived together very happily for another year and this game of his has been going on for another year plus. How do I stop this cycle of pain when I cant even refuse his calls? I'm not afraid to be alone as a matter of fact I enjoy being on my own after a 30 year marriage (yes there was some overlap, I'm not proud of it but I'm also not perfect) I wish there was a magic pill I could take that would erase the past couple of years and take me back to when I just cared for him as a friend. Or one that just ends the pain so you could breath again. I feel doomed to live this out for the rest of my days. Why wont he leave me alone if he doesnt want to be in a relationship? He says it's the best sex hes ever had! and I agree but that's not enough for me. I feel like he has feelings for me but chooses women he has no feelings or respect for on purpose cause they cant hurt him and doesnt want me cause I can hurt him. But I'm sure this is just a delusion on my part to give myself hope. But the hope is what's killing me slowly.

That happened to me so much. I am still trauma bonded. One of my parents is a narcissist so it was clear i would feel attracted to become the people pleaser friend to other narcissists in my life. I even became narcissistic myself for some period of time.

Thanks for all you do Ben!

💯. All FACTS!

Very informative video. Thank you for your content. A side note: narcissts tend to leave finally once they have new supply in line. And the new supply doesnt have to be a new girl/guy. It can be work, career, or anything else, that helps them get distracted from feelings the "negative" feelings, and serves as a source of validation, admiration etc. For example, a new group of friends which doesnt know him yet, where he/she can put up his/her mask up or he/she is focusing even more time on work, getting money, and other stuff.

Very informative. Thanks

he's saying he will commit suicide.. and that he loves me so much he cant let go of me

On point. I want people to know this is not just when a "relationship" ends. It's also when an affair ends. If you ever saw the video by Lise LeBlanc about how the female covert narc baits a married man ... Lise gives a different perspective as to why an affair may happen. We like to think the cheater is a narcissist. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? But that's not true at all. Sometimes, affairs happen when the cheater did not seek an affair, had no history of cheating, but fostered a friendship that he (or she) should not have (great book: "not just friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass). This will be a friend of a friend, a coworker, something like that. No affair was on his radar. Heck, she's probably not even cute (we know we have all seen people who cheated and thought to ourselves "WTF?!" when we saw with who they cheated with). He senses no danger. He's had friends of the opposite gender his whole life, and nothing ever happened. But what life was like when you were single, having newness all the time ... cannot compare to how life is now, married many years, newness is gone and real life becomes heavy. The brand new friend is the narcissist preying on that heavy and her attention will be over inflated. No matter what, infidelity should never happen ... no justifications. I don't care who started it. I don't want to hear that one made the vows, the other didn't. Grow up! If I never married, do I get to screw over whoever I want, just because I didn't vow not to? NO! We are to treat others as we want to be treated. Period. It's called: Basic human decency. Narcissists don't have it. So, I recently started working with couples who survived infidelity (I'm a volunteer, not a therapist) ... and I can tell you one thing: Even when the formerly wayward spouse gave the AP closure, made it clear he loves his wife, she won't go away. She might fake apologize for all the hurt and act like this is closure ...she's lying. A year or more could go by, she could be living with a guy now, engaged even ... she will still try to text the married man. In her mind, she's checking in to see how he's doing and she's not doing anything wrong (but this is so very wrong, it's not even funny). I've known couples who blocked the AP's number, changed their own numbers, blocked the AP on social media, ended friendships with flying monkeys. They did anything and everything to disconnect ... Somehow, some way ... she pops up again like a bad hemorrhoid that just won't go away. There is no such thing as closure to a narcissist. Sad, but true. So folks, remember this if you even think about cheating ... that charming person pretending to care about you, that new friend at work who claims to care about your spouse and your struggles ... she's so sweet that she wants to listen to you, you can call her anytime ... What is really happening, he or she is collecting data on you and grooming you ... this is a wolf in sheep's clothing or a pig in a dress. If she really loved you ... she would not be okay with either of you destroying your integrity or being scum. She wouldn't ever agree to being a cockroach, calling at certain times. Real love is patient. Lust is not. Usually when an affair is over for at least a year (this would negate any affair fog still lingering) ... that's when you can clearly see who the narcissist was. One apologizes, heartily, and works hard to fix what broke or to change for a future relationship ... the narc just keeps smearing, hoovering, deflecting, gas lighting, rewriting history, blaming, playing victim ... and whatever else narcs do. I can't believe so many affairs have happened throughout history and we never saw narcissism in the AP? Dude ... watch the 8 part series: "Unmasking Nicol Kessinger." You won't unsee, what I've seen.

Awesome job Ben! KEEP it up!

Really excellent depiction of how it goes

Not sure how to think about my STBX's demands for support in our divorce process. Is this an aspect of wanting me to remain her "supply"? I hope the system can see how unfair it is for me to make payments to support her given she made much more money than I ever did. Yet she expected me to pay to support her.

Control Freakery

A year and still calls or texts everyday if not every other day. (Blocked)

Sent my cousins to check on me smh

My ex narc won't leave me alone. The moment I moved on in 2020, she went straight to social services and told them a fabricated story and had me arrested. Now I have been dealing with this custody battle that I'm not even fighting! I told her let's just agree to her terms so that I can move on. She won't even agree to her terms!! She just keeps dragging this on and on and I don't understand! What the fuck went she let me go? She left me twice in 8 years. Why can't she just move on

What does it mean if the narcissist doesn't try to come back? They can't possibly obsess over every relationship they have right? And how long after the physical discard do they usually come back? How long does it take for them to go through all the cycles ?

I'm a fan and this video was dead on in my opinion. But if I can offer constructive criticism. The video is less than 12 minutes. The self promotion is almost 5 minutes. I get you are running a business, but so is everyone else on here. I feel people are going to miss your message in the mess. Maybe consider only promoting one aspect per video and rotate. Or promote in the comments. There has to be a better way.

I'm pretty sure my two have let me go.

I cant say for sure if he is or i am. The only way i can think to figure it out is to break up and see whats what because honestly im very confused. Is it him or is it me.

What if a therapist does not understand or is on the side of the narc

Sighs.

Can you just stop being a narcissist and simply provide awareness? Thanks.