wow

If it's unacceptable behavior, but we accept it as normal, we're feeding the abuse we're receiving. So actually making our abuser an abuser. Even if they don't want to be...

How goes it?

I love this comment I can relate to the feeling you’re talking about. A sense of peace that the torment is about to dissipate due to understanding it for what it is.

Update: I just rewatched this video. I took the advice 3 years ago and I’m in a better place than I was. I’m single, plugged into a healthy community and in a flow of abundance and compassion for myself on a level I’ve never known. It’s a beautiful time right now. This video was part of a greater journey to recognize where I was at the time, disconnect from it and reconnect to God and myself. It’s been years of good work and it doesn’t stop but the choices in the more beneficial direction have compounded and I’m grateful to see how far I’ve come.

​@@monetpetals86 I am so happy for you ❤ you are inspirational and I wish I could relate to you. This video as well feels like a relief, but so painful as well. I hope I will be happier like you are in the future. Thank you for sharing 🙏❤️🌹

​@@monetpetals86awesome. Thank you

Sagenerd FACTS

Exactly mee too

She is the universe

Exactly!! Because you finally get in touch with your real emotions and your true self 🙏

Agreed. I feel like Neo flying away at the end of the Matrix (1) 😂

I was a scientist, and when I realized that I wanted to end it. And now I feel like a rat

its like I know Im the toxic one, and I ended it. but she fought for me next 1 month. idk I want out of this hell I put my self in

@Ben O. Verbich I dont know how to love her. Her last text was dont message me again. And 2 days later through music I heared I was her wish. And next 1 month I would get sings that she wants me back. But I dont have motivation to go after her. I need something else now. There was also some triangulation where I heared she has a husband. Honestly I dont have the heart in me to try and connect to her again. She felt like home to me, but this house doesnt feel like home anymore. And idk how to aproach her. And honestly Ill never change. She kept persuing carrear and was always bussy. I wanna find someone that I can go out with at least once in 2 months. In 2 months while we were in heaven together she was always bussy never went out once. Idk I dont know what she needs from me. A long distance relationship where we dont see each other? And then she complains how I dont give her attention. But I know somewhere deep down inside me I do want her. I just dont know how to get on the same page with her. Does she want me to hug a ghost of her and that way she would feel my ghost hugging her? Im tired of communicating to her through dreams only, Ive dreamed so long I cannot dream anymore

@Ben O. Verbich I also keep meeting couples who are in same situation as Im with her. I see how fragmented the world became xd and her in other people does want for me in other people to commit. But then me in other people wants to be alone. One part of me knew that we couldnt hold on. One part of her says that liying is easyer then hurting me, I heared she has a husband. I just wanna start a new story with someone else. But somehow I still feel like she has my heart. When I let her go she did come back and idk. This could all be much simpler if I can see her in real life and talk for like 10 min, to find what the truth is. But insted I deleted her number when she said dont text me. But I still feel connected to her arghh. I felt foreverness with her at one point. I told her while I had her number still that I heared she had husband so I stonewalled her. I tried moving on, she told me that husband thing was a lie.... I still see signs to go back to her... idk, I just wish I can see her eyes again. Iv hid in the darkness for too long I dont see her light any longer. And I know trust needs time to be rebuilt. I dont even know if I want her anymore after all that happened. Well part of me wants her

@Ben O. Verbich I guess xd. Ive beein living in my head for too long. Im so dumb man. While in separation from the one I fell in love with. Another showed up and told me she loves me, and I fell for her too. And then I had emotions for 2. And I kept going left and right and idk. I think the first one was the one I should have stayed. Idk what Im doing. Its like I take a step in one direction, it doesnt feel good and then I go run the other way. But I know that good things take time. And I gotta go through that unconfortable feelings I guess. I say I want a relationship but Im distracting nyself with hobbys idk

AmberPlaster hey, so there is hope :) going through it right now...bf left 3 weeks ago for his hometown without any warning and i ve been all alone ever since. getting an occasional phone call or text. i am in bad withdrawal and the dynamic is exactly as described in the video...any small sign from him gives me relieve even though it s barely anything. trying to find the courage to tell that i can t go on like this...even though i am not even sure he wants to be with me. how long did it take you to feel good again? the pain from the withdrawal is almost unbearable

What helped you? I’m not winning this battle after one 13 months.

@@andrewmcfarlane3274 self-care. An almost embarrassing amount of "selfish" behavior. MAssages, walks, getting my nails done, doing things that raise my confidence. It felt weird at first...

thank you so much for this

Thank you for saying even baby steps. I've been taking them but this dam economy is killing me.

Vegan Lunatic me too

I agree...if you fall in love when you are not stable,i feel like it will totally shatter us..

or get extremely damaged and LEARN

@Tobi Gibbons cowardice is never the answer. Being broken and rebuilding yourself is a serious act of bravery and self-love , confidence and adventure. Embrace hardship , failure and futility and raise from the goddamn ashes. My philosophy is non-avoidance , rawness , facing everything , dying million times and raising from ashes million times. I am a motherfucking Phoenix and by the way a Gemini. I am not scared of inconsistent attachment because with the power of Shadow Work and with the power of self-love , boundaries and compassion to your enemies YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING : meth addiction , relationship addiction , ANYTHING.

That's exactly what I've done for whole my twenties haha still in my progress

This is where I am at. It’s a painful realisation 😰

SanchaBella yes it is.. and it’s even harder to walk away but you can’t let yourself be subjected to living a half life... the same way you love him is the same love u need in return.. so keep ur heart open and keep looking.. there’s no reason to cut off anyone else if he’s not stepping up to be the man you need so let him step aside❤️

Your statement literally spoke to my soul.

Your words are literally a transcript of what I have experienced! If someone actually presented it to me as "here, I have a record of the conversations", I would believe them. I am so sorry you have had to go through this and at the same time there is a sigh of relief that it does not happen to just me. Thank you, hope you're doing better!

You couldn't have said it better. It's painful and really emotionally overwhelming to have to let go, especially since they've made up their minds and my own people pleasing won't let me let them walk away. But it has to happen. I just care about them so much

Interesting. Never knew they taught it. Will look into that for my own good

"how to make someone fall in love with you..." Ew. ​@@MsChantae

Me, too.

I try to watch it several times each day 🥰

It helps me remember that what I’m feeling was manufactured. I’m not angry at the one doing it though. Is that normal? I think they do it subconsciously and not maliciously. It’s good to know however. It helps me keep an even keel and not lose my head and be consistent.

🙈🙋‍♀️Me too watched it like 10 times over 2 months before sending it to the latest scientest unconsiously keeping me in a cage. Then cutting the cord. Its as hell of a hard process coming to this realization but necessary. I was literally dying.. My soul.. My whole being.. Dying inside.. Like I had enough. But after feeling the emotions that cutting off triggers.. and sitting with those feelimgs not suppressing them them like Teal suggests.. After a few weeks you get a strange feeling like a huge weight was lifted from you.

Same. I keep coming back to it so I don't forget this lesson

i feel you so much

💗🎊🎉 Vibrant. Sounds so lovely and exactly what it is! Don't dim the light.

​@@bbdn5123✨️ getting your SPARKLE back ✨️ 💖

​@@bbdn5123✨️sparkle✨️

Acontecendo comigo agora :(

Esse vídeo foi muito bom ❤

Wanting to cuddle and compliment all the time seems like a lot though. I can see why he would withdraw.. We don't want too much of a good thing because then it gets overwhelming

@@MuseSunflower She was doing something that would drive him to withdraw, but he is abusive. She isn't ready to see that they both abused each other, in differing, but interconnected ways. Each forming a part of the whole relationship, each playing their role, in their previous learnt dance steps.

@@parrotshootist3004 Well yeah. I was for a few years in the receiving end of that kinda relationship, but I allowed it. I gave my resources I could have used to more fulfilling life, to the kind of person who'd make me feel miserable most of the time by being absent and coming whenever it suited her. But she had her reasons, like me, and I was well aware of what it was doing to me but kept going. The most genuine and consistent person in my life who took me as the real me, was my pet rat. Every day when I came home from work, he'd be waiting at the front door and when I kneeled, the happiness in his eyes was there for everyone to see and he gave me kisses and never failed there. Why can't we humans do that?

@@mikkovaan8636 You really want an answer? It's somewhere between, and the resultant implications of, before and after you read consider this if there are three kinds of people in this world, sheep, sheepdogs and wolves where are the shepherds?; archive.org/details/addressestothege00fichuoft/page/18 archive.org/details/LionniTheLeipzigConnectionSystematicDestructionOfAmericanEducation1993/page/n3 "classesses in population" archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.46333/page/n37 archive.org/details/TheLimitsToGrowth archive.org/details/organizeddemocra00stic/page/n11

Daphne Wessel I don’t think wanting to cuddle all the time is bad, I would actually love that. I think the key is finding a partner who loves cuddles just as much as you.

Well done

Awesome well done 🎉🎉🎉🎉

"Some people fear intimacy. They fear the closeness that comes with relationships. They suffer from insecure attachments, especially people who are avoidant or who experience the avoid and detachment." "If we put up with intermittent reinforcement in our adult relationships it is a guarantee we experienced intermittent reinforcement in our earliest relationships. Think back to mom and dad, especially the most influential adult figures in your childhood. Lets just pretend we lived in a world where Law of Attraction didn't exist. Lets pretend that you could have consistency in your relationships as a child and line up somehow as an adult with inconsistency in your relationships. You wouldn't put up with it for 3-1/2 seconds, you would end up getting frustrated with the Intermittent Reinforcement, you'd be like 'Screw this dude, I know what it's like to be on the other side of Consistent Reinforcement, peace out.' So why do we put up with it? Because based on our earlier relationships we learned this is how love should feel. "Take a look at the people in your early life. Did any of them meet your needs, especially your emotional needs, Only inconsistently, unpredictably and occasionally? I'm going to tip you off to a really covert pattern. Often the parent we feel the closest to and the most affection for, that we always want desperately in love is the one who in fact practiced Intermittent Reinforcement with us. "If you are in an Intermittent Reinforcement relationship there is absolutely no middle ground. Consistency is the only answer. It's the only way to live a healthy life within the context of this relationship. To live in a healthy relationship you have to have consistency. You have to have consistency to develop emotional security within a relationship. And so either you develop security or you remain miserable for the rest of your life or you cut that person loose. "So I'm going to be really super blunt with you. Either you have a partner who is willing to work towards consistency with you and to create it in the relationship or you're with a partner who has absolutely no intention of this and whose intention is in fact to control you completely. They have no intention of changing this pattern because it serves them to stay in control and keep you the rat in the cage with its paw obsessively on the lever so they can ensure that their needs are met. If you're with this kind of partner you have reason to be afraid, you cannot trust them because they in fact intend, either consciously or subconsciously, to betray your best interest for their own aim which is to control you. This desire to control you also has its roots in trauma, but before you fall into the co-dependent pattern of thinking you can heal them, it must be known that it is highly unlikely that anyone, least of all you, will be able to do this because controlling you benefits them. It's how they avoid their own shadows. "The only person who can decide to face their own shadows is the person themselves. You're never going to get somebody to do this."

"You spend your life lining up with inconsistent partners trying desperately to do "You spend your life lining up with inconsistent partners trying desperately to do anything you can to make them consistent because this is in fact what you needed from your parents. You're trying to solve these old wounds. You're trying to make your inconsistently loving partner into the loving and consistent partner you always wanted. "They have to be willing of consistently granting of your needs within the relationship, they have to respond, regardless of the fact they don't feel like responding. For example, I may not FEEL like getting close to you even though I know its what you need me to do and what the health of the relationship requires me of me. I have to do it anyways. on top of that I have to look at the aspect of me that is causing me to not want to respond in that way knowing that I have to get close and closeness is the key to making this relationship healthy. Lets address the aspect of me that is saying don't get close, pull away."

"Stop nagging and begging your partner. If they are not giving you what you need even after you have told them what you need go get it elsewhere." -- Teal Swan

So insightful, thank you.

Nevillution great comparison. I wish i wouldnt have read the comments before i watched the entire video, bc now i know the message before it is over

Well said!!

Definitely the rat Rat for adecade

And this is what you deliberately put me through? Without me knowing about this why i am in constant withdrawal not functioning my mind is a mess and unable to function in society? This is the way you treat me?

They made me a puppy puppet And then they are annoyed and bored that the guy is boring and sissy like

+dannypbass very true that our past and up bringing have influence on our views and issues glad you got out!

As soon as u feel like its prison, u know the truth

That explains perhaps the feelings of wanting to "be free". That prison etiquette... Children deserve to be free and loved unconditionally. Now it's up to us ☝🏽🌌💖💫

how did you leave ?

I knew how I was being treated wasn't right. I was tired and enough was enough. I did it for my kids. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Therapy and lots of inner work. KZfaq self help videos. Regaining my self esteem and realizing he prayed on my insecurities so I worked in those. I'm still working on myself everyday but I an stronger everyday too. He is already on to his next victim so he's leaving me be for now. They never leave you alone so you have to go no contact!

Yes, this is what I got through the last 5 years of my relationship. It took 2 years to finally cut the chords and I did this 3 weeks ago and it was a immediate relieve.

+Sandra Heilemann remember it is just like an addiction so you can relapse if he tries to get a hold of you again. I thank God I can't stand him But I'm still working on my mind running. some days are better than others.

+Jerano Gooden it won't get better. I thought they could change but they can't and won't. agood luck

This is very simple in words and was mentioned in video: personal boundaries. Write on paper what you can accept, what you cannot. In the first period when you don't feel confident enough, treat them as a law. No exception to any rule you have written. When you'll start FEEL what boundaries are, then you may make them more elastic. Another concept is stop being rescuer all the time. Before you do something ask yourself if you feel like doing it, you got resources to do it. If you feel like it's enforced obligation, then it's red flag. Watch videos about codependency (how to help yourself), cluster B personality disorders (with who you dealing with). It took me 8 years to withdraw from that kind of relationship. When I said I know what my issue is and I'm not getting back to codependent pattern anymore (over one year of therapy and self education on the topic), she just change source of supply on another guy, whom she keep around about one year.

Man, I feel that too! When someone seems upset around me I feel the pull to try to win back their love. I have become more conscious of it over the past several years and stop myself when I am aware of it. But I go into extreme fight or flight feelings in an argument with someone I love, every time in deep fear of them leaving and that I need to be good/better and win their love back. It hurts so much to realize and release this... I only hope to see people who truly love me still with me as I let go of the need to be a good compliant little girl for them.

CupNoodleKitty raise your standards of the men you date. If you notice things about them that make you feel really uncomfortable to be with them, then stop dating them. Maybe stop dating people altogether until you are sure of what you want and what you don't want. Maybe on an unconscious level you are attracted to people who are inconsistent for unknown reasons. Maybe a safe, secure, and stable relationship might feel boring to you at this point in your life. Ask yourself why are you dating these people anyways? What's so important about dating these guys that makes you feel like you have to sacrifice your own sense of comfort and happiness? Someone is going to add to your life, or take away from it. Ultimately you are the one who will allow people to do that. Don't be afraid to be alone if you say no to someone who isn't quite right for you. Keep saying no to the wrong ones so that the universe knows you will only accept the right one, and nothing less. And when you spend enough time away from the wrong people, then you will know with certainty in your heart when you are with the right person.

Greedy Rick Thank you so much for the helpful reply! That's what I'm doing :)

Medina Lake, if they don't still love you, when you do what is good for you, then they never truly loved you. I think you know this. Don't worry about what they think or feel. Honor yourself first or you will be stuck in these downward pulling type of relationships.

Whitney Wilder RUN!!

Mattis 😂😂😂

No don't. Give him a chance!

Yeah. Because next week's video may be: Why You Can't Stay In The Relationship (The Sequel) -

GreatestPotential Not a fan of sarcasm but well spoken in this case. People these days do a little reaseach and/or watch a video and they are convinced to have all the wisdom they need to make life(s)changing events happen. Treat these video's as an additive to your knowledge, not as a replacement!

Xalted De Thank you. Good advice. I can tell you're intelligent and thoughtful enough to know when someone means well.

+Xalted De both of you have no clue of why I made that decision so don't judge unless you have full information. Take care

Ms. Esq so so true! 😏

Resonating with this

It's tough dealing with a Mother who does this. I hope you were able to fully break free.

Very true. Have you done any research on personality disorders? Your mom might be suffering from BPD or NPD. Im asking because if you’re anything like me, there was some severe trauma that came from the abuse. There are very little resources out there for recovery, but I have managed to find support groups online. There are very few differences between BPD and NPD, but I’ve found those differences to be very important with determining how to go about the healing process.

Yes

No. It's because you want something from him.

@@Misslotusification agreed

Do a cord cutting spell

@@chichichiugo8532 how?

@@chichichiugo8532 its dangerous to cut cords. I tryed it, they just grow back up like weeds, you gotta pull the roots of the cord out. I was able to feel the cords a year ago, when I was super intuitive. But this addictive relationship drained me of my extra sensory powers

why?? :O

she explains this in the video

Thecomplete dynamic is fucked up. And thus my minds the same so indeed everybody flees me. I get withdrawal and then i get sick needy scary to people and the cycle reboooots

i know that terrible, howling place. persevere. howl back at the void. fight for yourself. and listen to your heart first and always. people often dismiss our emotional pain and needs. only you truly understand where you come from and what you need. only you know what you need in every moment. i am trying my best to get over him and i know the future reward is not only equal to the pain i now feel, it will surpass it. even if nobody else in the world will love me again, i will love myself. and i will know i overcame this. i will know my strength. my heart goes out to you. stay on the path. even if it feels like you're crawling through mud and barely making it through the day, it's progress. it's saying to the universe: i matter. i won't go down without a fight. one day you'll turn back and you'll see miles and miles of agony behind you. and freedom ahead. and you'll BE free. as you are now. from freedom to freedom, from love to love.

Hang in there. We are many going through this. The pain is excruciating, but take just one day at a time. Like quitting a drug addiction. One day you'll look back and will be proud of yourself for overcoming this and feeling free

Take it easy sister. One good thing you can do is replace that void with something genuine. Self-introspection and walks in nature are something I highly recommend, but you need other people too, no way around it. Just better accept that most of them might ghost you when you discover more of who you truly are and when you start to live your kinda life. That's what's been happening to me I think at least, might also be because I was acting somehow wrong to them, but not sure that's it.

Did u escape ?? Omg girl u need counseling seek helpp

Krista Cabana I'm in the process of watching the video again and just read your comment. I really hope you've managed to get away from your "partner" by now. 🤔

me too, 9 years of hell.. :(

@pizza berry Huh? What are you talking about and what does any of it have to do with my comment? *scratches head. Maybe you meant to comment on the video and you accidentally replied to my comment instead? Can you please delete your comment and post your comment on the video instead? Because your comment really has nothing to do with my comment and is completely unrelated. But you replied directly to my comment as if it was somehow related.

😭 I am so shocked... It's like everything you said, is/was my exact predicament.... I just removed myself from the relationship and I just don't know how to feel.... But the proof is right here, in these videos, with these testaments

@@saben47 Let me assure you it only gets better!! Looking back I realize all of it HAD to happen. And it was happening FOR me. Sometimes the best gifts in life have the ugliest wrapping. And hindsight is a beautiful thing. I would have never believed myself when I was going through it and now I have only gratitude for the relationship and even more for the ending because that’s where all the gold was! So much growth came from it, and the real healing happened when I took full accountability and stopped placing any blame. Sending you love ❤️

I thought to share with mine, no won’t, cause I think of him what you think of yours, it will mess the whole agenda 😂

RamZi - the Human SoundSystem this explains my situation with a family member

Henya, are u supporting animal testing again? Well, I'm vegan and I did not like whatching rats treated as an experiment on this video. 😧

+Voga Madrid grow up and learn about visual metaphores. to be honest im upset by your comments.

Voga Madrid it’s an analogy for the subject matter. Has nothing to do with animal abuse.