I noticed the covert can be very passive aggressive - abusive - but only with one or two people they know well. They don't show it to others.

I hate it when people name-drop, whether it's a celebrity or a CEO. They don't know how SMALL it makes them seem.

I walk in egg shells not out of fear it’s more of a sense of hopelessness because my feelings and boundaries get dismissed every time. The blame shifting isn’t worth it.

Thank you for this. My Dad passed away when I was 4. It has just been me and Mum since then. The lack of self-esteem and protection led to me looking for love in the wrong places and having no boundaries. That then swung to hyper-indepence. I have really been coming back into balance in my 30s and I'm also grateful for the silver lining of self-reliance and freedom the situation gave me. Really looking forward to your course, as I feel ready to welcome in a healthy concious relationship 🙂

Hi Terri, I’m on a mission to watch ALL your videos, your messages have been life changing for me 🥰

Both my parents were unavailable and distant and I chose parents that were not healthy for me. It toke me growing in my 50s to realize I deserved better for myself. My mother now calls me selfish because I set boundaries on how I allow someone to treat me and who I choose to be in my circle....she'll get over it.

This is why traditionally I would be attracted to the “nice guy” who would gaslight me and never had my back. Sounds about right.🙁😔🥺

These questions and answers are amazing, love it ❤❤😊

Hahaha! At a ripe old age of 61 I just realized that I did not only have a mother wound [I knew that all of my life] - but that I clearly have a father wound too. How did I find out - during dating! I recently started talking with a man that is considerably older than I am, and I am not physically attracted whatsoever, don't even like him all that much [cranky and grumbling most of the time, LOL] but I crave the interaction and conversation with him to the point of it becoming a bit of an obsession. When I realized that I craved his approval and a pat on the head [he is very accomplished in a number of professions, intelligent and clearly well educated] - that's when I realized that I obviously had some unresolved "not good enough" daddy issues, LOL. This is actually funny to figure out at this age, but also very annoying! Just when I thought I had worked through all of my childhood neglect and relationship issues - this comes up! Downright ridiculous but also so sad...

It is so sad that so many of we adults are still struggling with emotional trauma but our upbringing’s. I am sorry you had similar emotionally absent parent. Awful!

It is very helpful, thanks ❤❤😊

Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES! Only took me around 50yrs to figure it out. Thanks for your candidness on this topic too. Love what you’re doing 💜

Timestamps for the video: 0:00 - Introduction 1:30 - A warning 2:25 - Support & encouragement 3:10 - Admitting there's abuse 4:54 - Safety first 5:50 - Reach out for help 7:02 - Why are you drawn to an abuser? 9:15 - Gathering evidence 10:55 - Your escape bag 13:13 - Protection order + leaving 14:08 - Figuring out where to go 15:38 - Don't minimize your situation 10 signs of an abusive relationship: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/fbOWrK2nnp6yZXU.html

Dear Terri, I grew up in a middleclass family. Mama had to watch her money and encouraged me, as soon as I started working, to save money for my future so I would never end up having money issues ( like she probably had ). I am very wise with money. I never would spend money that I would not have. Being single most of my life ( I had a short marriage, then a divorce ) I kept on watching my money carefullly. I do travel long distances, I buy good food at whole food stores. Apart from this all, I keep a simple life. There is one thing which upsets me in life : my brother always felt inferior to me money wise and up to now he still makes jokes. In the future he told me he assumed I had more money on my saving account then him. Euh ??? Where does this come from ? Now he’s married and we both got our share of selling the family house, he told me recently that I act funny towards money. He believes he should know how much money I have. WHY ?? Can you please explain his behaviour ? I am spiritual, not into material things ( but bro sure is and he is entitled ). Money is importand to me as I need support myself financially in life, no one else will. I believe my bro behaves stupid and rude. Again he and I share completely different values in life. Looking forward to hear your point of view 🙏

Jeez 8 minutes in and she still hasn't explained how to leave this situation!!!

I can relate , except mine was also many other unsavoury things. Thank you. Suffice to say my lady ex at almost 60, now almost 64. WX identically abusive ad my father. I learned how to love myself by identifying the similarities as I worked through my maladaptive tendencies to heal my wounds enough for me to finally heal that incessant suffering and wounds of childhood trauma. Thank you Teri

Dear Terri, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Since my father passed away 5 years ago, my mum wants to depend on me and my bro much more. We need to be around whenever she feels the need. Truth is, she is gonna be 80 this year. Funny, my bro ( age 57 ) got married yesterday for the very first time. There has been SO much drama between my bro, mum and I on the people my bro invited for his wedding. My mum had such high expectations and she still feels very much disappointed. I have done some work on myself and part of me realizes,my bro does not need to explain himself. His wedding, his money, etc. SOOOOOOO exhausting being HSP,myself. I feel SO relieved the wedding is over. Time to move on. Love to explain my mum ( again 🙁 ) that my bro is entitled to live his life as he wants to. My bro and I both are adults ( I keep on telling her yet she does NOT listen ), she treats us like children. Any advice is more than welcome. Love to continue to listen to your video as it is SO valuable. I listened to the aging parents video too. Huge thanks for your work / effort 🙏❤️🌷

Sounds like you know my mother. To being tortured as a child, told I was worth nothing, to making sure people said that she looked younger than me. The first time I spoke back to my mother, I shoke as I waited for her to hit me. She said I deserved the beatings and being made to kneel on olive stones so long I had to pluck then out and try to straighten my legs. Very painful.

Thank you so much

“ You have to look pretty on the outside because you are ugly on the inside”. I still can’t get over this and I’m 65 years old.

And a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive one will also cause that with a mother who never believed you and still doesnt

Thank you Terri❤. This is so true and I identity in all you revealed in your personal story. I started a healing journey and thank God I had already identified the issue stemming in my heart. I pray that God helps me to fully heal so that I am whole emotionally, mentally and otherwise. God bless you❤

I was youngest of seven. Very quiet autistic mother (I was recently diagnosed at age 68 with autism and ADHD myself). He was a huge liar even when not necessary. He beat and choked my mother often, beat my older siblings with a leather razor strap. We were always running and trying to hide from him. He was incestuous with my two much older sisters and later with me from age 2 to 9; stopping when he was hurt at his job and was disabled after that, thank God. His enormous outbursts of anger were intense. Now I believe he was possibly bipolar.

Hog wash..... There are No Godly that will find warmth in hugging a demon.

Great stuff. The relationship of a child with a facade of a father/figure leaves an intelligent female child in a way misguided. That leads to insecurity because while the father has projected a lie (about his devotion to his family, adulterous affairs, etc.), the volatility and other toxic emotions he’s displayed haven’t correlated with the child’s behavior. When a child misbehaves they know they will be reprimanded. When they’re reprimanded without justification the scars of the injustice are lifelong. My husband was very healing for me too. His death opened me to the loveless reality of my childhood.

There is no reason to give other people empathy and sympathy when you have never received any of your own it's kind of like respect it's earned

💕💕💕

🥰🥰🥰

I’ve been the child. I’ve been the parent. We are all wounded because we’re imperfect. No one sets out to purposefully wound except for a very few evil people who are the most wounded of all. The rest of us “see through a glass darkly in this life” which causes us to misinterpret so much from birth to death. We live by perspectives, assumptions, and boxes we create for everyone and everything. So much of these three are distortions at best…erroneous at worst, and once in a blue moon are actually spot on. I’ve learned there are parent wounds…spouse wounds…sibling wounds…peer wounds…and one other no one ever talks about, but is very real-child wound. Kids grow up wounded, but never once consider how they wound parents. We are all broken to one degree or another. Most people have a genuine desire to be and do their best, but all fall short. Leaning, growing, forgiving, healing-these are the best things in life. They free us and bring us peace and healing joy. But we all have varying levels of awareness, understanding, willingness, energy, and consistency. We have varying levels of patience and grace. Because we are walking wounded, and all are broken.

🙏💪🏻💕

Your father wound sessions led me here and I’m crying and feel like vomiting, my throat feels strangled 💡💡💡 thank you for this and all that you share. Much love and gratitude 🥰

Yeah something huge way off!

I last saw my Dad at 4. He was murdered at age 32 when I was 9. Mom had said he died in a car accident! Bout time someone talks about it!

🙏💕

My father is a narcissist. I went no contact with him in 2016. He tries to hoover me sometimes because he knows where I live. I usually don't answer the door. A few weeks ago I accidently opened the door. I used Grey Rock Method on him and he left in about 5 minutes. He went from insulting me to love bombing me in 5 minutes.

Lovely. Yes, I'm certainly working on breaking those awful strongholds this lack of true self worth has on me. I love your presentation style Terri Cole.😊