I am 51 years old and I've struggled with anxiety and depression my entire life. The turning point for me was when my daughter's father passed away with no warning. We were not together but still close and I couldn't stop thinking about death from then on. I lasted until my daughter left home then I slowly sank more into my feelings with nothing to force me out of it. I used to talk to him and get angry at him and blame him but it only made it worse so I started talking to him about his daughter as though he could hear me. Much has happened in the meantime, including my daughter transitioning from her birth sex of male to the beautiful woman she is now. It has been 10 years and I still talk to him most weeks and tell him about things his daughter has done and how proud he would be. I no longer miss him and cry when I think about him, I believe he knows everything that she's doing and that helps to comfort me. I no longer think about dying all the time although it has never completely left me but isn't the nightmare it once was. Brian is right, only you know how you feel and no one can say how long it should last. It takes a conscious effort to understand when you're heading the wrong way and purposely change your thinking. I'm glad you're feeling better after talking about it and thinking clearly. It does get easier but never goes away, you don't need to worry about losing those feelings. You'll just feel them in a healthier way. Take care.

Dear Liz, I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of your mum. Please accept my heartfelt condolences during this incredibly difficult time. Your mum was an amazing person, and her memory will always be cherished by those who knew her. May you find comfort and strength in the love and support of your family and friends.

All immigrants should pack up and go home!!!

OK, is it wrong, now we want to hear the wake story?🤔 It's great that you do show us that it's important to keep talking, sharing. Keeping things inside , to yourself, is when you focus on the wrong emotions. When I think of my dad and want to feel closer I raise a glass of Sauvignon blanc (his favorite wine he liked making). As I also raise a glass to the two of you for everything you do! ♥🍷

Just time does help. Peel from inside to out with your heart and feelings.No one will judge other than yourself

Condolences to you and your family. My husband passed away in August last year of Cancer which he suffered from for 12years. I was his carer for this whole time as he was never the same. I still break out in tears and sometimes just a song or something that sets me off. Their is no time frame for grief, some people take years it never goes away but will get easier in time. Please Liz, don't be hard on yourself. Take one day at a time, take care.. ❤

Hi Liz grief is such an individual journey and there is no right or wrong. I feel my mother’s passing to this day. What has changed over time is it becomes part of you, neither positive nor negative just a part of your identity. You know what to do for you. Weave your magic in stories, communicate with all that love you. Seek peace in your maunga and moana they too are there for you. We are all here for you. Kia Kaha. Arohanui Tracy

Liz, your mum is with you in your grief. And, your mum is with you in your joy. She is with you in all of it. Embrace what feels good, hold on tightly to it, and melt into your Bri and other loved ones when the grief spills out again. And do keep on shining your dazzling light. What a joy you really are to many of us! Clearly you are a real credit to your mother's love. And what a pleasure to listen to Bri and the wisdom he shared, and to also witness you move through your own emotions. This is real life, unrehearsed, and it's beautiful!! Big hugs x

I find it difficult that we don't talk about what it is like to lose a parent. So many of us have to face this, a natural order of life, yet we don't seem able to prepare ourselves for how it is. Of course it can be a very different experince depending on our relationship with the person and way in which we lose them. I had kind of assumed at some point I would lose my mum, I had no idea how hard it would be. It's been nearly 3 years and I recently started having nice dreams with my mum in them. I can now think of her and my first thoughts are not always about her dying, but more often recalling a precious memory. How can we know what it will be like for us? I am not sure we can, its something we have to navigate when it happens. <3. p.s, I'm a counsellor.

Beautifully written, beautifully read - sending lots and lots of love, Liz. Thank you for generously sharing your beautiful heart.

Hey, I've never commented before but really wanted to in this instance, I lost my sister who was everything to me and it is only time, the pain never goes you just slowly learn to deal with it by filing yourself up with other things. I couldn't work for 3 years and the tears still come just further apart. I feel all the same things... it's so fresh for you... sending much love xx

Such wonderful loving comments. I can't add anything. They all resonate with me so much.Well done.xxx

So nice to hear the Lizzy laugh again. Love to you both ❤❤

Oooh Liz, we are so, so sorry that you are feeling all these emotions. Grief and depression can be very similar emotional responses to traumatic experiences. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You need time to process all those feelings, and there is no right amount of time for this-it simply doesn’t exist. Brian is 100% right that everyone will feel, react, and process everything differently. That’s life. Mum hasn't truly gone anywhere; she is still with you in your heart, and she always will be. Take your time to *feel*. Lots of love from both of us here❤️

Hi, Liz & Brian, condolences on your loss of Liz's mum. I would suggest reading Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book 'On Death and Dying' outlining the 5 stages of grief: 1. denial 2. anger 3. bargaining 4. depression 5. acceptance. Please be kind to yourself & give yourself time; I lost both my parents @ age 26 (am now 68), & I recollect grappling with feelings of emptiness for 2 years; everyone processes the loss of a loved one differently; continue to honor the memory of your mum (your recent KZfaq eulogy of your mum was phenomenal, I know she is smiling down on you lovingly from heaven!), & allow your feelings of grief, anger & loss to flow; & then revel in the love & support of both family & friends that continues to surround you - you are so very blessed. Be well. ❤

When my dad died, I had about a year of things triggering my grief and making me cry. Grief is a long process. Much love to you. ❤

My dad died in November from a brain tumour. ( 3wks after we found out he was sick). I cry every day & can cry at any minute without notice. .... it's so sad & i realise i took everything he did for me, for granted 😢

This living business is complex. Coming to terms with our own mortality is huge for most people.I volunteer at a hospice. & it's easy to become consumed by death, but it's important not to be watching the clock on our own life, rather, as Brian says, balance it out with all the good stuff (and your wonderful humour Liz❤)

Mourning is Brian's key word. There is a time to mourn.... it's normal. But at the same time remember to stay in the present and live. I take a grief course. Someone suggested having a special time to mourn, look at photos etc, feel the grief, say half an hour after dinner. Then pack it up and get back into the present. At the beginning when grief is overwhelming, it just takes over. Sounds like you've been scared of that part. Then slowly get the emotional part under your discipline if you can and feel it, cry and then put it away and get on with it. Sometimes it will just be a mum day. Most people find 1 to 3 years and the memories become historic rather than emotional. Best wishes. Lots of us have been there. From a widow of 14 years, taken HRT, survived cancer and successfully on non emotional suppressing antidepressants. Can't take HRT because of the cancer. Listen to Brian, he's a wise man.❤

From my own loss experience I can tell you that you will be on an emotional rollercoaster for awhile. Cry when you need to and laugh when you can, it's all part of the process. Give yourself Grace. Don't put a timeline on grief because it won't go away it will just get softer with time.

I am saying this i hope for you in a kind way. Naturally you are an actress, when you express something you can be dramatic. You are going through something deep and super sad. You can't act grief. Its something you have to control and let it out. Have you though of seeing a therapist. I was told depression is suppressed anger. What are you angry about. Let it out. Take the dog for a walk. Tramp, tramp tramp. Tangi are so good. There are people there to lift you up, to talk and laugh and cry with. I dont know if I told you I lost my Mum and Dad while I was in UK so I couldnt go to their funerals. Friends took me out, we sat,talked, cried, ate,cried, and walked. It comes and goes. Now im back here. My sister died, she didnt want a funeral, she was cremated, wanted to be scattered. I was deverstated. Im use to tangi, and now i have to go through no ceremony, no family to cry, laugh, talk with, but friends took me to the butterfly park. Trouble with Brits, my Dad was one. You dont let your kids get involved with the facts that when someone gets sick to think of the possibility of death. When someone dies you can cry and theres no limit on how long we ache and mourn. We learn from these experiences and feel the depth, then share, release in tears & hugs.❤ 🙏 🙌 🙏 ❤ Ps I still morn for my pet chicken our family ate nearly 70 years ago

Hi Liz it just shows how much love you have for your Mum. It does get easier. It took me 5 years. I felt sick all the time, had panic attacks. Thought nothing other than death when i lost my brother. Grief does get easier. I went once to grief therapy & came out laughing because the therapist kept yawning. Her little one had kept her up all night. Grief is not an easy road to go down. You will have bad days. Just be kind to yourself. Cancer is awful, watching your loved one on that journey is just so incredibly sad. Its good to laugh. It really is the best medicine. Dont feel guilty either. You are living, make the most of every day. It really is true time does heal. Take care both of you xx

It's great that you guys can talk about how you feel, and I know this podcast will help other people. I lost my dad when I was 18, and felt that I had to be tough and not talk about how I felt and I didn't want to be a problem for my mum. After almost a year of just trying to be tough, I got so run down our family dr suggested I take a few weeks off work. But it took a motorcycle, a broken ankle and a friends intervention before I opened up about how I was feeling. A cuppa, a chat and a good laugh can make so much difference. BTW I was working outside in Spotwood during that storm.

Dear Liz, when you need to talk, talk. When you need to cry, cry. When you need to hurl abuse at the world, do just that. And when you need to laugh, definitely do that. Your grief is YOUR grief, you will get through it (or learn to cope with it) in your own way. Much love, all will be well, and your mum and you are united for ever. xxxx

Tough times, just try to deal with it in your own way & give yourself and Brian as much time as you need. Loved the story of the Lady & her Princess

Dearest Liz, please give yourself so much more time. Brian is right to call it post traumatic stress, along with grief. The way in which your Mum died is hugely traumatic. She was relatively young, you had a very close and loving relationship and you have watched her fade from such a cruel disease. Your life has forever changed. You no longer have a Mother. Your life will never be the same again. You are thinking about people dying because you are next in line! Brian has a more analytical brain (just my opinion) and you are running on pure emotion. You know you have so much to be grateful for, but it doesn't change the fact that you are grieving. And you will be for months, even years, but the intensity will change. I still miss my parents, I don't think that will change but yes, I can smile at photos and remember funny things. We are all different, someone may read this and think "well what a misery guts she is" - and yes I am laughing. I am so glad you ended your podcast laughing, I don't think you are depressed, either, you will have lows though, no doubt about it. There is no time limit on grief. And all of this is just my thoughts, and how I feel ❤ Not an expert just a been through it person xx

What also helps me is talk about it,don't blame or worry about your feelings and think what would your Mum says if she sees you now

I will not be surprise if the grief started from when you knew that your mum will be leaving this earth. Griefing is a personal process and there is no right or wrong, long or short. Do take care

I agree with Brian. We are all individuals and our grief 😔 is different. For eg I lost a lot of my friends and family. And I lost my husband two + years ago. I was preparing for his 70th birthday and he died suddenly. I just tell you my own feelings. We were married 49years and I felt I lost my mind,cause there's certain things I couldn't remember. Unfortunately our lost one's never teaches us how to cope without them. The only thing I can advise you is:live one day at a time and don't think you are mad,have depression etc. Love you Liz.(I'm treated for years with depression) Keep it up Girly one day at a time ⏲️ 💗 💓

five weeks?. No way, it’ll take as long as it takes. One day I was talking to an old friend about my mum and she said to me, “that’s the first time you’ve talked about her”. It was five years later!. Grief is one of the two natural feelings, the other is fear, it’s uncontrollable and real. Be kind to yourself. You have a wonderful caring husband, take one day at a time . God bless you and hugs. It will get better.

We homeschooled too, trials for sure but no regrets 💕 Kia kaha koutou if you want to too

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family

Oh Liz........Our hearts are beating with yours, all our love.

So beautiful ❤ thank you for sharing. I have no words, but know I send all my love to you and yours xxxx Kia kaha

Liz and Brain…this is SO helpful. I’m in San Francisco, California and the vet bills 🤦🏻‍♀️ we pay about $800-$1200 a year for basic checks, vaccines, etc for two dogs. My previous dogs had health issues and 8-9000 dollars for surgery. Yeah. It’s so expensive that they have insurance and their premiums are more expensive than my own.

Luv curried mince on normal toast

That thing about swearing in England, it shocked me. The first day of a very prestigious Shakespeare theatre program I was attending , the director was saying his opening welcome to us-a short speech peppered with F-bombs. We Americans were shocked. Sweating is not part of the professional culture-you don’t say it to coworkers for you work in an office) and you don’t say it in academic situations (like professor to student or parent situations) of course, in healthcare, we swear like sailors.

I know this is 2 years old but bugger it, I'm commenting anyway. I'm a Kiwi who has worked professionally in the UK in the past for several years and who understands proper phone etiquette both in the UK and here in NZ. You guys are absolutely incorrect that we have it wrong. NOBODY IN THE UK KNOWS HOW TO END CALL!!! It's impossible to get a Brit off the phone. It's like everyone is completely and utterly oblivious to audio cues, the pair of you are still apparently flummoxed to this day lol. We don't just hang up, we've been giving you audio signals that the call is winding up and we've been doing that for a good 30 seconds now. You just haven't learnt those cues. "Okay, well..." if you hear a Kiwi say that or anything remotely similar, the call is over. Hang the phone up... please. Also, yes we are terrible losers, and tradies are looked up to in NZ. Great career choice.

To Liz, Although never formally introduced, my heart is with you & family. Thoughts & prayers from Tucson, sending warmth, & love. Kia Kaha, & Kiwi Kindness, Cheers Luke

So very sorry, thinking of you Liz and your family whilst you navigate through these hard days. I couldn't agree more about your thoughts on life carrying on as normal, how has the world not stopped when yours has? Your lovely Mum is no longer in pain xx

Our dearest Liz, thank you for letting us be part of this difficult journey for you and your family. We are truly saddened by your mom's passing and share in your grief. The story you wrote is a truly amazing tribute to your mom. It is even more beautiful and moving when we see you reading it. We wish you and your family courage and strength to get through this difficult time. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. With lots of love to you and your family.❤

❤❤❤❤ Liz, Brian and Family 🌠🌌

😂 love this one! No, potluck is not just a curry-we do these especially at work. Men who don’t cook can bring bags of crisps or plates and cups, or soft drinks. It’s a way to lower the cost for the host/hostess (when done at someone’s home) everyone has their favorite go-to recipes to bring things that go well) for years I had a scampi pasta dish I would bring, then I got into baking and would make cakes. To work functions I always made cupcakes. I did theatre and we did these for Sunday table reads-I made a loaded quiche and the director always brought a couple of huge boxes Peet’s coffee (like Starbucks but better)

She qualified in the highest calling in the world. Devoted Mother. She will be watching over you forever. Arohamai Liz to you and your Whanau. We feel and grieve for you at this time. Have Courage and Breath. You will meet again where there will be no more pain.

Dear Liz love and hugs for you and your family.

Aroha nui, kia kaha

💔❤

Thank you for sharing your heart Liz... ❤ Love you

Liz and Brian, our condolences to you and your whanau. Liz, this was so beautiful and sad at the same time but ALL of our kids in NZ should hear this to know how hard things were for some of our ancestors no matter the ethnicity. We are so quick to judge without knowing history. The beautiful lady you are now, I’d never think you had this type of upbringing. Your Mum must be so proud of you. ❤❤ Much love to you Egyptian princess.

In every moment, she will be remembered with love. Rest in peace to your Mumma <3