... feeling trapped like in a chain of thoughts causing behavioral patterns is a kind of dependence ...unlike awareness of choices of behavior, flow of emotions, which are not necessarily equal to independence, but with a sort of personal autonomy, self-agency that does not exclude self- observation ...

Psychotherapy Always Fails. Breath work - Too !

Producing more stress hormones to fill the lack of energy. What an amazing revalation that was for me. Thanks Alex 👌

surrender

I think the best therapy happens in that crucible where difficult emotions and the memories linked to them are teased out by the therapist and emotion regulation techniques are taught and used to process them. Emotion regulation is absolutely necessary and so helpful when we are overwhelmed, but it doesn’t “work” by itself. The point of therapy for me is processing. I don’t want to just learn how to cope, and I don’t believe coping mechanisms alone are always particularly healthy. I want to grow and to move past the things which cause me to feel stuck. Sometimes we have to unpick something in the past to give us the perspective and awareness to move forward. That deconstruction and reconstruction, the “reprogramming”, is the most powerfully healing aspect of therapy for me. There is something about therapy that is refining, building, smithing. This creative aspect - “who might I grow into?” - is often neglected when coping mechanisms are the focus. Often coping mechanisms can become just another way to avoid dealing with our emotions and keep us trapped in a state of stagnation. However, I also think analysis and dependence on the therapist as a “fixer” is extremely damaging. That very dynamic teaches a client that they need to be “fixed”. Digging deep into the past and relying on the positive therapeutic relationship to fix everything is long drawn out and tortuous if there are no tools we can use for relief. And I totally agree that it’s far too long a process and we are not “broken” - and a therapist acting as a fixer can lead to unhealthy dependence. I like the old Jungian adage - “we do not cure the neurosis - the neurosis cures us". We don’t go to therapy because everything is great. Something IS wrong. But it’s less about fixing something that’s broken and more about creating space for healthy growth. And that healthy growth is spurred on by something from within us, not by the therapist or anyone else. The best therapy helps us to realise that.

go for a work and do some art read book

Really refreshingly honest and insightful take on the therapeutic space - avoiding the pitfall of assuming individuals are broken. Seeing others experiences of psychotherapy, glad Alex emphasises the importance of not creating dependency. Too many people feel such a loss when therapy comes to an end that it can undo the whole purpose of therapy! Left with the right tools, sharing your inner most thoughts with someone would feel truly empowering and worthwhile.

I haven't met a therapist yet, either professionally or personally, who isn't screwed up themselves. Sorry Alex but that is my own personal experience. I have absolutely nothing against you, I am very supportive of your work, I am just saying, that is what I have encountered. Hence the reason I stay well away from therapists.... I wouldn't trust them with my mind... Personally I have always preferred to do my own inner work, however that isn't always for everyone and many people find 'benefit' from therapy. That's if you can afford it...

I was always told by parents that they loved me…but my boundary needs and safety needs weren’t met or when they were met, then they weren’t respected. I knew I was loved by hearing it all the time…but never felt loved. I never felt respected & I never felt safe. I suffered with an Addiction in my 30s. Low Self worth throughout my teens and 20s.

The older I get the more I don't think going back to your past to figure out the why helps. But I'm probably just old. I know trauma exists, but I think it's a wrong approach for everyone to assume you have to heal it to move on. That can make people feel stuck. So, practical strategies for the present moment and future is what I would like to see therapists focus on and I think more and more do.

What put me off therarpy was that my therapist was speaking about where my behaviour came from, and what is healthier approach but it didn't helped me at all move into action. I was too afraid. I guess he didn't understand that even that I knew what is better to do, I wasn't able to because of my deadly fear of being judged. No amount of knowledge helped me. I knew everything he told me already.

not anymore... I feel beautiful cause I know who operates from within these people! We!are beautiful souls and the soul inside those people dont like it!

A psychiatrist recently told me I needed to fix my own anxiety and sensitivity. 😢😢 but he didn’t tell me how.

"independence - not dependence" that is also how I feel. You need to trust yourself 🌻

How to release trauma: take magic mushrooms, lay down in bed, put on some wholesome music like classical or religious affirming stuff….and boom❤🎉

This is the stage I’m in after several years of healing from npd abuse…. I’m able to be around a narc (briefly) & not lose myself…..this is a milestone to letting go of the old narrative 🎉

I've learned through self work that I caged my true self and stored her away so as to avoid my father being sexually attracted to me. I knew deep down that he kinda was. In fact a lot of dads, even men with integrity wrestle with even some latent sexual attraction to their daughters. I even had strange fantasies about my parents as a child.

the basic story: Client doing better, does not come to sessions for too long and crumbles back down. Therapist says 'remember those things you were doing to feel better that you stopped? yea, then do them" Someone feels better...with support to change, then they step away from that support and try new challenges (like relating to her parents). Of course you need support to succeed with that.

Very true Alex. Paralysis by analysis. There’s just way too much to work on (overwhelm). Also it can feel really demoralising and frustrating if you work hard on yourself and others still find fault with you even though you’re trying hard.

Thanks for talking about this! The same happens with feelings, more we understand about them, more we start to control.

Less control in general would improve my life significantly...

How exactly do we go about allowing the feelings and traumas to come out?

My older sister is a master at gaslighting.

I would say all 3. Struggled a lot throughout my life in every area of my life. Still figuring out how to get out of this or if my life is worthwhile.

Thanks, Alex for saying important things that others won’t.

i like vidos about emotions and stress

keep go for 7day vidos

You cut through the "static" all the way to the essence of healing. Thanks for your clarity and persistence in sharing your insights. My stuckness is like an energetic rock in my heart. I release tiny bits of it each day meditating, but my patience is running out. Any suggestions? (The trapped energy is trauma.. mostly terror, rage and grief). Thanks

Please can you do a follow up to this video Alex as it's raised an important issue around communication. I don't think you are saying that people should simply "let go" of their trauma, but not get wed to all the self-help info out there nor let mental health labels dictate who we are. Certainly, I am stuck down the rabbit hole of knowledge seeking and yet valuing that knowledge can be empowering. I have a CFS but there's no cure, no matter how much I research it! What exactly is "doing the work" and being driven to action in the trauma context? You can have CPTSD and be a highly functioning individual or actually inadvertent being a workaholic avoiding the last, so how do you know when someone is healed?! Perhaps overthinking is the creating 'stuckness' and people shaming or the isolation that can bring? This would be great for you to explore further. Also I'm stuck on certainty in healing vs acceptance, isn't that accepting defeat by whatever hardship is the issue? I'm stuck between understanding whether a tough love approach to yank people out of so-called victimhood reverie helps? This is a narrative I'm seeing a lot in self-help that seems unwittingly reinforce the genuine pain and suffering, many are seeking to escape. Think Robyn raised an important perspective that highlights the big stumbling block between some psychology perspectives and human empathy.

Those super conferences where a heap of people present live over days. Crazy information overload and legit are a hellish thought these days. We are in an age of information warfare. More crucial than ever to be very discerning with what content and how much. Even themtube is too much for me now.

Watched a ton of Ur videos and found this one really touched a nerve with me. Been labelled by doctors with Anxiety (rightly so too) for 20 yrs and most recently with that and depression. Found my latest way of getting thru is to help others when I know I should be doing daily PMR, bit o yoga, mediation. Drinking every night again (managed 6 months sober last yr) and I can feel this self destruct ahhh I need to break free feeling perched on my shoulder. I'm an artist when I need and try to let go (songwriting and randomly I paint circles!) and I have great friends I can release too and visa versa. But yeah...I still feel stuck somehow. A bit like I'm surrendering to the reality of others around me (mum, dad and the dog) and imagining that we should all just have a good last innings and float away together in like 10 yrs. We all share similar pain over family loss and we all have battled with our mental health and addictions... I'm goin round in circles here now I think!! I would love love love to be considered for therapy with you Alex. I live in North Wales and happy to drive anytime anywhere for it. Thankyou for all you have shared on KZfaq so far. You quite literally save lives and improve lives and I'll be following you for as long as I'm alive and your sharing. [email protected]... If U are doing anymore of the face to face recorded sessions . Pls reach out to me and consider me

Analysis Paralysis So True Yes The Cage is unlocked but I’m still sitting here Just need to take that Leap of Faith ❤ Thank You for Sharing This needed to hear it 🙏

It is true. But it is very difficult to let go. The old trauma becomes part of the present context, and the choices already made. Very difficult to reinvent oneself....

It's a big job, but it is so worth the effort. Meditation helped me bunches.

This idea has dawned on me ever since I found Neville Goddards' work. There's something to be said about the classic self-help books like "The Magic of Believing," and "Psycho-Cybernetics." Just start with the belief that you're completely healed and you are. I don't hate my past, I'm just not obligated to remember it, and thus live it in the present.

Love your gentleness, Alex. Gentle, but strong. ❤

Great work, Alex 👌

Yes... But hell no. Yes, all the self help info in the world won't create change if I have complex trauma. But no, just being told to 'let go' is stuffed. Complex trauma is a relational wound that heals in relationships. That's why self help alone is unlikely to work Telling a survivor is all about just letting go is like telling a Titanic passenger to let go of their need to find a life raft. Survivors need support. Not heaped on shame from not being able to just 'let it go'.

That's hard stuff to listen to as it's a bit close to home for me. Love the way you tackle this issues Alex. ❤

Taking the cognitive and making it behavioral is so hard for me!

💯 Indeed. I've hit the point where I've gathered what I needed to know and learn. Now time to let go.

this is absolutely true, there are many resources speaking the same truth, identifying issues and behaviors . how do you know if you've made any progress? you can identify but have you been able to overcome?

There's a very fine line, and it's hard to know just where that line starts and stops.

Analysis Paralysis. I can absolutely relate to that.. 💯

Alex, this really resonates with me, I feel you really have a finger on the pulse of recovery. Totally get the analysis paralysis and the unwitting re-triggering, feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. I remember years ago a friend took a book away from me because she felt instead of it being self-help, it was actually making me feel worse, and that was the truth. Thanks for reminding me to stop the data gathering in my headspace, instead working on letting go and being with the feelings and building self awareness, trust and compassion.

Thank you and your Aunty so much for posting this discussion. I've only recently (this year) looked into ADHD as I just always felt i didn't fit in anywhere. By chance Chloe Hayden's Different Not Less was free on Audible and connected to so many things she said. I spoke to my Doctor who sent me a survey which I scored highly for ADHD so since March I've been researching and learning from so many people with ADHD. I feel so much better about SO much and its thanks to the honesty and braveness of ladies like yourselves in sharing your stories. Thanks so much.

This hits spot on. Especially when I was recovering from CFS, it was letting go of comfort of having a diagnosis that needed to happen. It's tough. Really tough.

In my opinion, your information, and the information from other sources, provides insight that I may have not come up with on my own and I find it very helpful. But it's not a substitute for the work itself that effectuates real change. So I think we need both. As you've said, "If you can see it, you don't have to be it." 😊

I'm curious, what are some of the places you feel trapped? Let me know in the comments 👇

i don’t really have addiction to substances because my childhood trauma is partly caused by my parents’ addiction. (but when i’m depressed, i tend to start eating a lot to satisfy my emotional needs