How To Heal From Childhood Emotional Neglect

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How To Heal From Childhood Emotional Neglect

Рет қаралды 13,563

Күн бұрын

In this video, we explore how to heal from the impacts of childhood emotional neglect.
We all have 3 core emotional needs. As children, we depend on our primary caregivers to meet these needs. How well they do so teaches us how to meet them for ourselves as we become adults.
As a child, you have few options to deal with unpleasant events. You cannot physically get up and leave your home if your parents are emotionally abusing or neglecting you. So the only way to survive painful events is to withdraw- to disconnect emotionally.
This emotional disconnection often continues into adulthood and can look like using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb feelings. Or you may put all your energy and focus into your work to escape how you feel.
It’s easy to think negatively about how you learnt to cope when subjected to childhood trauma. But the first part of healing is understanding that those coping strategies helped you survive at the time. By understanding that they once served a necessary purpose, we can begin to let them go from a place of love.
The gift of being an adult is we’re not dependent upon others to meet our core emotional needs. We have within us what we need to heal, but to access this we need to slow down, make space and learn to connect to the love within us.
00:00 Introduction
00:15 What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
01:36 How To Heal CEN
01:48 Learn To Meet Your 3 Core Emotional Needs
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Website: www.alexhoward.com
Instagram: alexhowardtherapy
Facebook: alexhowardtherapy/
Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).

Пікірлер: 71

@AlexHowardTherapy 7 ай бұрын

Which of these core emotional needs were not met for you in childhood and what has helped you to effectively meet these needs for yourself? 👇

@lythomas79 Ай бұрын

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

@lythomas79 Ай бұрын

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

@Fotyuf345 10 күн бұрын

There is an issue that is very important to me. It has to do with school shootings. The question of what drives kids to pick up a gun and go kill other kids has long been unanswered for me. But just recently I came across a movie based on a real investigation : 'The Impact. Agroundbreaking documentary'. From it I learned about the puzzle piece coding method. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I am starting to look for information on this topic and came across a video message of an American intelligence agent, where he warns about the danger of this method of impact. But it is very necessary to know the opinion of experts exactly on child psychology. And most importantly, how to protect your children from this. I will be very grateful if you will tell about this method of influence. This topic is so important for all parents. And the recent events in England are proof of this, we need to protect our children

@TriciaBooth 20 күн бұрын

In my personal life, these needs were met, literally, by God from my childhood onwards. When I was young he showed me a verse that was then, and always has been, true for me, in a literal way, it says: Psalms 27:10 "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." The love, safety, comfort, guidance and help I needed was found in God - and I know many people will reject that but I hope some people here will realise how very real and true that is.

@anitathomas8208 7 ай бұрын

As the second oldest of five children and the only girl, I have no memory of my mom ever holding or hugging me. Don't recall ever holding her hand. I do remember my dad holding and calming me once when I narrowly escaped being hit by a car.

@kierlak 7 ай бұрын

All 3 of these were not met while I was growing up. Therapy saved my life. Vulnerability, Inner-child work, self-compassion. And lastly forgiveness which brought so much peace to my life. In one of the books (Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson) I read the following: trauma blocks love and love heals trauma. Took me a while to understand it fully. But through my own therapy, today I can say that I cannot agree more with the above statement.

@janetfedeles3964 3 ай бұрын

How did you find a good trauma therapist?

@faith3305 Ай бұрын

I'm also wondering how you found a good trauma therapist. Most therapists don't care about what I've been through and won't validate me so they hurt me further.

@JoshuaEdward12 6 ай бұрын

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb 6 ай бұрын

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back

@JoshuaEdward12 6 ай бұрын

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?

@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb 6 ай бұрын

Her name is *Shelly renee white* , and she is a great spiritual counsellor who can bring back your ex

@JoshuaEdward12 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

@luticia 4 ай бұрын

It‘s totally fine to vent and receiving some empathy and caring replies.

@user-mt9yf8tr6m 4 ай бұрын

I was one of 5 children so felt I had to compete for attention and always trying to please. I'm now 55 and married to someone who shows minimal affection, I have to ask for a hug. He's bit of a narcissist. I became ill with CFS 7 years ago and the first 4 years were all about him, all I got from him was anger and him saying daily What about me?!' I'm getting better now thanks to your wonderful clinic. I meditate, do yoga and keep reading inspirational books to get me through this. Things are better between us now but not sure I want to stay anymore.

@AdamNPDSurvivor Ай бұрын

I am sorry for your experience. I can totally relate. Narcissistic partners are not there for us when we need them most. It's because they are self absorbed and lack true empathy. A narcissist can fake empathy for a short while but not over a prolonged period. I eventually left my narcissistic wife because I had never been so unhappy with my life. Every year got worse. I was not growing as a person and we must always grow and continue to develop. We can never do this when we are with a narcissist who loves nothing more than to bring us down to their level yet claim that we are the problem.

@ginnywalker184 7 ай бұрын

None of the core needs were met in my childhood or beyond. My mother was a narcissist and we all (there were 5 children) heard that we were no good, we were stupid, and there was constant turmoil in our daily lives. I learned to cope by doing what felt like survival to me and later I found staying away from my mother seemed to be best because every single time I was in her presence alone, with no other people to witness our encounter, she told lies about me that did not even resemble the truth. I will never understand how a mother can hate their own child or children so much. She was also diagnosed with mental health issues but I do not know that her narcissistic tendencies were ever realized by doctors or addressed. She passed several years ago and I hope she found peace in passing because she was an extremely unhappy and mean person during her life. Thank you, Alex Howard, for what you share and please know it is very helpful.

@jacintaphillips1439 7 ай бұрын

I have no memory of being held or loved by either parent. But I do have fond memories of being hugged, fed, and boundary settings with my grandparents. Sadly by aged 8 their love went away from my parents moving away from them. I think it's my grandparents love is what has saved me a little, I don't want to imagine what I would be like today without their love, but I'm sure my traumas would be worse. Thank you Alex for your videos, they help me loads to understand myself 😊

@alexandrapalma5623 5 ай бұрын

I also was mostly loved by my grandmother who died when I was 9. When she died i felt like a part of me was also gone with her. She was the only person I could hug and express love and affection

@FinnTheInfinncible 7 ай бұрын

Thanks Alex.none of these were met for me on Childhood. I've done a lot of work on myself, and had a lot of therapy, I'm now clean and sober 13 years. But, over last 5 years I've developed ME/CFS and I think a part of this is due to the chronic stres, anxiety and depression I've dealt with as a result of this childhood trauma. It's only now I'm realising that I've only really dealt with the surface and there is so much work to do. I need now to work on my self esteem, separating my love of myself and my worth from my productivity, which is so hard. I'm trying! Thank you for this very timely video.

@TomReacts117 5 ай бұрын

Yesterday I was at home and I did something, which was a behavior that I had developed as a child in response to my environment around me. And this behavior I didn’t realize until yesterday I had been doing for years. I want to learn how to undo this because I also realized that I have been putting myself in this survival mode for years and I’ve always had the choice to not be there as an adult. I’m a 32 year old man that has a lot going for me and I don’t want to be in this self imposed prison for the rest of my life. Thanks for the video, it was great.

@29aaronjones 3 ай бұрын

What was the behaviour? I am glad you discovered it to bring it to light.

@TomReacts117 3 ай бұрын

@@29aaronjones growing up wasn't a great experience in my household. there were times when i had to sneak into the kitchen or pantry and get food to hide in my room so that i could prepare for a day when i wasn't allowed to eat. and there were times that day would come. so there i would be. hiding in my room, popping corn kernels individually on a lamp to eat one by one in the winter. this type of behavior waned as i grew older but i noticed that when i was in a specific train of thought, i would revert to that cycle.

@MAG1235 Ай бұрын

All were met, kind of, sometimes. Not consistently. I never knew what I would get, support or ignored, or punishment. The suspense could make ya crazy...

@gabrielakarl3859 5 ай бұрын

My mom was physically abusive and emotionally neglected me. She never hugged me, reassured me or told me that she loved me. My dad traveled a lot and only felt safe with him. I grew up thinking she didn't love me and that she was jealous of my dads love for me(he was very attentive to me and not her when he was home).

@user-wu9de2cd9r 3 күн бұрын

Alex I have listened to many of your you tube videos and almost finished your three amazing RESET videos. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your knowledge, dedication, passion and care. As a child of emotional neglect ( loss of sibling who was 6 yrs to terminal leukaemia-I was 5yrs) my parents who definitely loved me hadn’t the resources to give me my three core emotional needs. I am 25yrs in alcoholic recovery through AA and dx with CFS/INS and every word you ve said resonates at the deepest level. So my everlasting gratitude to your overwhelming knowledge and passion

@streaming5332 7 ай бұрын

What I like about utube is when comments are acknowledged by the presenter but that doesn't happen on this channel. It makes it real.

@jeanniecampbell1374 7 ай бұрын

myself and siblings always lived in fear and this make me even to this day ...on guard .

@KC-50 14 күн бұрын

For me, Safety has always been an issue but understanding that safety is a state of being. Everyday it's a struggle to fit into my external environment where I fall back on that there's really no safe place to land.

@DJOHER111 4 күн бұрын

Magnificent how you touch the core of our selves and how you explain it and don,t forget the style of not just tel the words but writing it so as we listening we memorise the words as beautiful as hopefull❤❤❤

@trevor4092 16 күн бұрын

All 3 And Parents that didn't want me! I have never felt true love from Carers in my life. I had to fend for myself. Therefore I have no sense of who I am. I've drifted my whole life! And Being in The Care system around so many people that I failed to bond with left me Angry isolated and alone!!! My Parents did all the damage and it can't be reversed. I'm still a child at heart functioning as an adult. But the Neglect has had a profound long term impact on my Psyche I'm a a Survivor And I'm tired of that! I have no drive or ambition! And I was born by mistake! TRUTH!

@kristinmeyer489 2 ай бұрын

I love how clear and concise yet emotionally intelligent this is. Appreciated!

@thim0 13 күн бұрын

Alex, I just found you and truly appreciate the way you speak, you pace and the confidence you project. Great content brother!

@Radhatter1 4 ай бұрын

I am an English boy who was sent to a boarding school in Africa aged 8 and remained in boarding schools until I was 19. I suffered from low self esteem, alcoholism and anxiety, fear of people in authority all my life. I’m always projecting and speculating worst case scenarios. This was probably due to being bullied and sexually abused by older boys.

@sundown2221 4 ай бұрын

So sorry for all you have been through.Did you hear Charles Spencer is coming out about his boarding school abuse too?I am sending prayers and healing.❤

@Hyu938 28 күн бұрын

Just like many of us I experienced the same but to add to that, we're not well off. Because my parents haven't got a decent job they weren't able to save money for themselves but they still made enough for us to be comfortable most days of our lives. And now I'm in my early adulthood looking for job looking to the future, I can't help but think how I'm gonna live while also shouldering my parents. And because of that, I'm lost, thinking that I might not be able to live my own life. I try my best to look for ways to atleast get us out of our situation but when I see them being so disconnected with each other it demotivates me thinking it might not even be enough. Nevermind the fact that I'd also want to have my own family in the future, smh.

@rosend3lo 2 ай бұрын

I feel like whatever i do i am never safe not even in my own body not even in my own brain no matter what i do no matter how much i try to provide that safety for me i never actually feel safe i just feel like a little kid left in an empty cold room and have to sleep on its own and deel with their own nightmares all alone and face those little monsters under the bed all alone too i feel scared really scared to the bone that deseappearing while not actually doing so is the solution, more like dissociation.

@sunlight6934 18 күн бұрын

These explanations are very helpful! Thanks from an adult🙏!

@jeanniecampbell1374 7 ай бұрын

well that is good news ..just need to learn how to keep updated for myself .

@atlast6530 Ай бұрын

I Am lack no 2 n 3. Now it make sense why I like meditation,yoga etc,to calm me. I chose to love my self n be happy.

@ritaebrahimi8588 2 ай бұрын

I am working on “self love” and I think it would be the main solution!

@DiamondMind630 3 ай бұрын

Hi Alex I don’t think any of them were met for me. Parents were there but not emotionally, bullied relentlessly, poor boundaries. Thanks for giving a strategy to follow

@esfuturestrading Ай бұрын

I really thank you for putting this video for us to see.

@littlemeow6729 Ай бұрын

My parents never taught me how to set boundaries around people, how to say "No" if something is happening wrong to me by others, absent when i needed them the most for emotional support. And they yet says " why you hate us?!" 😢

@deeplife9654 4 ай бұрын

Nothing was meet in my childhood 😢😢😢

@Mafiagirl777 2 ай бұрын

I would say all 3. Struggled a lot throughout my life in every area of my life. Still figuring out how to get out of this or if my life is worthwhile.

@eileenmcdonnell1821 28 күн бұрын

Safety, boundaries

@Star-dj1kw 2 ай бұрын

❤ excellent

@rafaelgongora1321 Ай бұрын

having to do all this extra work seriously pisses me the f off

@Ishita-ub8in 8 күн бұрын

i don't understand why all the videos are about showing us the symptoms but not one is about the steps we can take to meet these needs. I mean I'm aware that i lack love and safety from childhood but how do i start feeling that when i don't know what it even feels like at the first place.

@TrainerLiz1 6 ай бұрын

How?????

@crowkangi Ай бұрын

never bonded with my mom.

@janemwangi7016 Ай бұрын

Boundaries

@johnmaurer2035 Ай бұрын

Yeah, but if it was never there from the start, then you don't have anything to compare it with.

@tavaresofficial_ 4 ай бұрын

👏👏

@ezazkhan4233 Ай бұрын

ryt

@divinelypaved 4 ай бұрын

Bountries

@228BCH Ай бұрын

I am 1 of 12. I am not sure if I can 1:10

@bushrasew 8 күн бұрын

No ,our parents didn’t like us

@tatianaschneider6822 3 ай бұрын

oh my fucking god, thanks for nothing how the fuck do you heal it i already know what emotional neglect is

@olegkich5094 3 ай бұрын

Lol exactly

@spiritualbutterfly8709 29 күн бұрын

You can heal it by doing shadow work. That's how I'm healing on my journey. I also pray a lot with journaling my feelings. There are so many ways to heal just take whatever resonates with you. Make sure to work on your mental health as well. Sending you Loving and healing energy ❤️