Nobody is entitled to an inheritance. If you go no contact and say awful things about a person, why should they give you money? I don’t understand this. I never had parents (foster kid) and I simply don’t understand this concept. Everyone wants free money, but why do you fell entitled to it?

Me too I left and choose poverty over abominable abuse. They passed and everyone who counts knows the horrors they committed , they cannot decieve any longer : )

I started by estranging from one sister 17 years ago. Continued navigating the extremely difficult relationships with my other sister and my parents. My mom passed away in 2022. It was then that over about a year trying to navigate a relationship with my father and a lot of therapy that I realized my family of origin is toxic and my father is a narcissist (my oldest sister likely is as well) and I am the scapegoat. I am working on no contact with all of them but it is so very hard as many of you know because he is my father. But the further away I get the stronger I become and the more I grow as a person. I am 50 years old and thank God for the family I have created and the mother and wife I am.

Very, very accurate. Also, all narc families are essentially alike. It's the same damn story with all of them. There's no real love in these families. In the end, they'll just gouge each other's eyes out over the will, or some such deal. Rest assured they hate each other, and that the family is completely fractured. I was the scapegoat for my generation. But it's been decades since I had anything to do with my family, so new scapegoats have been slotted into place. I'm now part of family mythology, and tales about me are occasionally told to people I've never met. I'm a legend.😊

SO glad I kept these in my favourites folder as I am revisiting your wonderful, healing, inspiring series as I continue with my therapy following decades of abuse by my narc mother. Thank you so much for making these vlogs and sharing, they are helpful beyond words in validating what so many of us experience but struggle to come to terms with and heal from.

Gosh theres alot of toxic evil souls on this planet

I've literally had dreams, or rather nightmares where I was living in my mother's house. I woke up with the deepest feeling of sadness & shame. The feeling was soul crushing as I lay there in my bed until I realized that I was secure in my own bed 1500 miles away! I live right by the ocean now & I have never been happier since going NC from the entire lot of them! Still can't seem to shake the anger I have at my mother (and the monkeys) for the decades of cruelty & trickery. suggestions???

I have been enlightened that family and friends could see that I was the scapegoat. So the smear campaigns actually made my mother the narc look worse in my grey rock. People understood completely why I was not around. Hope that helps ❤️ Great content!

I spoke up for a scapegoat working as a home health aid. Of course they fired me, don’t go against the narc,

In and out of rehabs and told I was bipolar but I really had CPTSD. I don’t hve much hope of ever being normal.

I was molested by my uncle and didn’t feel safe to go to my own family for help. I just learned to keep my mouth shut. I also never fought back either. My sister started to physically hit me. She was so cruel and i remember her making fun of my body and her and my mother laughing. When my mother realized what she was doing she told my sister to stop it.

I remember being so low in my life and using strong drugs when I went to hug a co-worker when she pushed me away. I’m more aware now but we are so emotionally starved for love.

Such a wonderful video! I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m so happy for your success and personal growth. This video was very validating to me.

My sister is the narc the golden child who abused me and sent the flying monkeys

I finally found a channel that speaks to my sad life. I was raised by toddlers too! I’m just realizing that they made me believe the fucking worst about myself. And I’m 46 ! Thank you for this channel 🙏

These people are authentic monsters.

It seems the only way to be free is not to care what others think of us and just let them be.

One narcissist talking about another narcissist. Nonsense video

Holy crap. You are just like me! I knew I wasn’t getting shit, but I’ll be alright

You know what you get when you play country music backwards? Your wife, your truck, your farm etc….

@raisedbytoddlerssurvivingn8578 Dear friend, could you do another video about the doubts one can feel after going no contact? My mother never said those horrible discouraging things to me concerning my career like yours did, she was supportive of everything school etc. Her digs weren’t open like your mother’s but covert. She would shame me for singing “too professionally” because others “might feel not good enough” or for being slim “I’m so worried you’re anorexic again” after 30 years of being healthy and back then having gotten out of it in spite of (!) her. She tells half truths with added exaggerations or added stories where I appear irresponsible, financially unstable, a lightskirt. She tried to take away my third of their house and give it to my sister and up to this day both her and my sister tell everybody who is willing to listen that I’m jealous of her having inherited the house and make me out as a villain because my sister had to give my brother and me (not the full but still nearly) our third by taking up a loan. He isn’t a villain, I am. “Your poor sister has to pay off a big loan because of you!” It sounds as if I had inherited not less but more than the third, just to satisfy my greed. My mother tried to emotionally blackmail me and she told me lies in order to make me give up most of it, then she denied having done it to my siblings and told them something about her feeling so down because I was burdening her and my 87year old ailing father with my recurring depression. She made me out as a depressed wreck who was hanging out with them and pulling them down whereas I had always tried to hide it as much as I could and had only mentioned it when my mother claimed that I didn’t need to buy myself a flat. I told her that if they wanted to give us sth indeed I would really appreciate my third, just like my sister, because I wasn’t able to work full time after a lifelong health struggle. She not only disregarded that but claimed that I didn’t want to support my poor sister who is the housewife of a well earning guy. But she does it ALWAYS in a sweet, well bred tone and the attitude of a caring mother who just wants the best and who was so hard working, just like my dad, for me, and makes me out as uncaring etc. You find yourself doubting all the time. Especially as the whole environment thinks her a saint. She talks well about me but mixes in caring worries about my being carless or irresponsible (thus having an excuse for interfering, overstepping boundaries etc) or downright instable. All in a super caring suffering tone. She’s active in every charity event etc. I get so upset when she doesn’t listen to my blaming her. She denies, deflects - kindly! She turns the tables on me - kindly. She uses tears when she lacks arguments. And then the whole family gangs up against me and all facts are completely not regarded but downplayed. It’s a fog of confusion. I have been looking for a therapist but places are scarce and not one knows about this kind of family structure. Those that I had when I was younger and didn’t know what I was in didn’t recognize it as a narcissistic family system. And today they all want me to be “above things”. It’s maddening. I need sb who understands what I’m talking about. I feel so alone with this. I haven’t gone back but I feel so guilty because of my ailing flying monkey father who supports her. He’s weak but he has a bit of heart at least and when we were alone I caught a glimpse of what could be. But now I live far away, so I don’t see when he is alone and you may be sure that my mother never leaves him alone when I’m there

I'm in that situation rn. I was teaching my younger sister to apologize when she did something wrong. As usual my mom told the whole world that it's my fault my sister is so rude. I started having a mental breakdown. Crying and screaming why she's doing that to me again. My mom was laughing and pointing her finger at me. Making kissy faces mocking as I was crying my heart out. So I told her. "The only blessing to this, is that when you die someday, I'm not gonna be sad." Now she's giving me the silent treatment. A few days ago. I went to her room to apologize for what I said. Cuz maybe it was a little too much. But was I wrong people? Was I wrong though? Why miss a toxic mother when they're in the grave?

Thank you so much for this video, you just described my actual situation, i am the scapegoat, my narc parent died last year, my mother wants me to renounce my part to give it to her, so she in exchange (said) will make a big will in my favour if i take care of her, so in a nutshell she wants me to get older, sick, poor and betrayed. yes thats the pure love of a narc mother.

Been no contact with brother for 18 years

Wow, you just described my family so perfectly! 👌

I dont feel the tables have turned. they don't need me in person. They can still slag me off, maybe more now. But yeh, they are waiting for me to have learnt my lesson. There is no scenario where they learn that we could have communicated. It's been FOUR YEARS now..

They don't need me back. They can still disguise their lack of empathy by labelling me sensitive whether i'm in their midst or not. They can still disguise their refusal to communicate by labellling me ''aggressive'' for trying to be heard. They can still label me ''angry'' for what's being done to me.

I never wanted to give up trying. I thought estrangement was crazy, but four years after I asked to be heard, I am only finally accepting that it makes no difference whether i'm there or not, they will still label me (first) paranoid and sensitive (which I objected to and asked that it stop) and then, labelled aggressive for asking them to stop, and then feeling unheard when I persisted in my requests that they stop labelling me, they labelled me angry and when I gave up and wouldn't come back to heel, I've been labelled ''detached from reality'' and ''insane'' and they're sorry I'm so unhappy. I can just never be heard. That's not how this family works

Even though I have texts from my mother saying ''we're sorry you're so unhappy, don't bother to reply'' (because I tried to communicate something important to her) she denies completely that she gave me the cold shoulder or stonewalled me. Apparently that was merely my perception! Funny that. She ignored everything I ever said to her. Even a really honest letter telling her how her labelling me sensitive and paranoid was unjust and should stop. NO RESPONSE. My Dad reprimanded me for hurting her. It's impossible to get through to her because her number one priority is to protect her ego.

Thank you.

I went no contact through my mother’s silent treatment too. Seemed like the best time to do it.

Please do a video about the abusers telling the abused that if they tell people, they will sue them in court for slander. UK law please.

Hi! RBT! Thank you for the helpful videos you do here for us who are this. That is exactly what my narcs say "We gave you everything you ever wanted." My story is just like yours! This description of yours is accurate, very very accurate. I was left on my own to bring myself up and I did! I am glad that my .... took delight in not giving me money and material help. It taught me to be strong and cope and prevent myself from being homeless. I had to be happy and silent and smiling otherwise I was in big trouble. I am NC now. It IS like a horror film isn't it? Yes...I was cut-out of my relatives ..... all my life too. I have never had an I love you too. I was not taught anything until I went to school aged 5. Yes, that film is a brilliant description -your description- is what my narcs would say too! It actually makes me laugh it is so bad! The whole thing is so bad it makes me laugh...I can't help it! My education was something that to my narcs was the most uninteresting thing. My narc says they will sue me if I tell people. Most people have no idea that FSA Family Scapegoating Abuse exists. I am embarrassed to tell my new friends as it is utterly horrid! Bess in England Love to you, RBT.

Thank you for the talk. It was very helpful especially when you mentioned about financial dependence. I trusted by mother brother and sister and they betrayed me with all the money and properties my father had left me when he died. They pretended to look after all my properties and lands and made me financially dependent on them. They abused me every time they deposited money in my bank. When I left my narc family, they stopped giving me money and I survived a year with low income while they were swimming in millions. But I never asked for a penny and went for legal advice. I am now fighting to get my properties and lands which have been occupied by their tenants for 13 years and I had lost income which they had used to have a lavish life and to have their love, I lived like a beggar and tolerated mental abuse. Game over for them, my lawyers are very close to get my stuff and hopefully all the gift my father had left me for my financial worry free life, I will get them very soon.

“Something is profoundly wrong with my family” all my mother’s doing.

The living trust that I'm on as a beneficiary from my narc mom says that I get 25 % . Does that mean I will get nothing

I'm in anger right now

Its important to talk of this in terms of being scapegoat with marriage family also.. its all family. You see, I left my marriage family at 42, two children .. all part of the whole family. I was scapegoat in that part of 'family'. And then realized i was then scapegoat with whole family.. and gradually, over time, went no contact. By the time I was 54, I was completely no contact with them all. The marriage part of the family is part of all this. And your children get turned against you, and view you in scapegoat ways. I was golden child much of my time with my mum .. but didn't internalise it and it wasn't consistent .. it was a very hard and destructive place to be. The whole time, I knew who I was and was innocently individual. But I didnt know the full extent of who was doing what. It took years and massive awareness and analysis to put the whole picture in place

I was in a narc relationship while being the scapegoat in a narc family and I was put in a 5150 for trying to kill myself. My GC sister's boyfriend knew a counselor and he vouched for me to get me out. So I was only there overnight. I thought they did me a great favor, but maybe if I could have talked to someone I could have gotten some perspective. After I got out my father discouraged therapy which I thought was odd, but now it makes sense. They didn't want me to get better.

This is spot on. Thank you

When I cut contact from my toxic family of origin, my narc golden child brother texted me out of nowhere & I knew intuitively he was acting as flying monkey because he didnt normally bother with me, unless it was to take shots at me in an effort to provoke reactions (which hasnt worked since I was a teen, incidentally). He, like my parents, always only saw me as the child my parents created in his mind, just as they always did). None of them know my interests, dreams, personality, because my individuality was perpetually ignored, which was why I kept myself small around them for decades - didnt want to ruffle feathers. After much distancing from my abusers, I stayed in contact with my narc sister purely due to my adoration for her child (my niece), but ultimately, once she appeared to start behaving like a decent mother to my niece, I felt it was safe for that child for me to finally free myself of my sister’s ongoing abuse toward me & cut contact. I did not bother to explain to my abusers as Im all too aware of their proclivity to dismiss and deflect accountability, so I merely blocked their electronic access to me. My husband started a group email w me and my narc parents in order to remove their ability to distort my words & theirs. This email thread has been key to my conviction to go no-contact and my husband will never again fall prey to their manipulation tactics. My sister texted my teen daughter in an effort to gain a sense of narcissistic control, but my very intelligent child knew immediately it was nothing more than manipulation as she has witnessed my sister’s bullying & my sister’s similarities to my narc mother. My daughter is intuitive & strong, unlike her (aunt, uncle & grandparents). No contact and trauma therapy has breathed new life into me and my husband and daughters. We are now stronger and happier as a family than ever before and I forgive myself for not cutting contact with my toxic family of origin decades ago as I now understand I was conditioned from birth to put their comfort before that of my own.

Thank you so much! I've gone no contact three weeks ago at age 51. This question was on my mind the past few days and your videos help me a lot. I'm actually doing quite good and spent Christmas and New Year alone treating me to wonderful self-made dinners. I was lucky in finding a therapist who really gets my situation and I'm hopeful of maybe becoming happy one day. I hope you had calm days as well and wish you all the best :)

2 years after I went NC, my GC enabler brother messaged me BC the narc mother was scapegoating him, he said he saw another side of her he never knew existed and he couldn't handle it. He wanted to be friends with me, I told him to never contact me again BC he did all her dirty work for the narc and in his message he never apologised to me...he is also a narc and I don't do Narc's. Shortly after I got a letter from the narc herself, there was no mention of me in said letter either just a poor me, . I didn't reply.

Don’t count on dementia happening. Mine are both in their 80’s and sharp as a tack. They may outlive me at this point…

Both my parents were Narcs & I moved out their Home in my late 20’s? When my father got a new job outta St. Upon their moving, they tried repeatedly to get me to move back. An after they couldn’t get me to move back & I consequently got married & had a child. That’s where they turned on ea. other? Sister was a flyin monkey & got divorced an moved back Home w/her child. An she was thrown out shortly after. Father an Martyr Narc cheated on Mother a Covert Narc w/nxt dr neighbor’s wife. Mother tried to commit Suicide 2X. An was Hospitalized. Upon this revelation, I had to guilt mother into leaving my Father by exposing their affairs to extended Family! Mother was awarded the House in the Divorce. She immediately imported my Sister an her child back? To fill the empty void in the house. Sister was thrown out 6Mo.s later taking the lil’ bit of furn. That my Father didn’t sell off in yard sales or take w/himself? When he moved out. Mother met a druggie/ alcoholic on a dating site. A she moved him into her Home after only dating for a few Months??? They got engaged and 6Months later his drug probs were exposed at their Wedd. Before her Entire family. An she called it off! It took another Yr. to get rid of him… An he took everything w/him. When he moved out! Sister had moved back in w/Father during this Time. An he eventually threw her Out. As my Father turned his attention to the neighbors children. Destroying them, also. Bc, his own immediate family had greyrocked him. My Sister’s kid moved back to his 2X convicted a sentenced Father that did Jail for 2terms-3Yrs ea. An went on permanent disability afterwards! The Son has grad HS & stopped his education. An will most likely continue the line of Failure. It was like watching Savage dogs turn on ea. other! Feasting an ravaging on ea. other? As my Life flourished w/o them. I bought a Home completely unassisted. An my daughter is on Honor roll. An getting ready to start HS. All this having happened after a terrible auto accident. That lft me permanently disabled w/multi head injuries & Brain Damage. That lead to me losing early childhood - trauma memories. That have eventually returned. An was provin w/physical evidence & yet my parents still cling to their Lies… The only Ans. Is to cut these Savages out of your Life! An live it for yourself. That was God’s intention.

I went no contact with entire toxic family, for my Son's & my own protection from their control, manipulation, constant put-downs & abuse around 10 years ago. 2 narc parents. Overt dad & covert malignant mom. 3 older male siblings. Experienced whole aftermath results of No Contact: sneaky, unwanted cards addressed to my Son in mail, (disregarding of boundaries), narc mom started typing on envelope to hide hand writing with no return address on envelope...to try & get at my Son. Then she dispatched my gc eldest golden child brother (who normally had nothing to do with us) to contact us out of the blue to "see how we are"(appointed flying monkey spy. He & his wife started hijacking calander holidays to visit with money as The Carrot; knowing we're broke. I fired him from our lives. FFWD several years no contact with the lot of them. Both parents died. Same appointed will executor gc brother didn't inform us of Dad's passing but mentioned my Son & I in obit. Couple years later, mega narc Momster died. Again, nobody told us. We weren't mentioned in that obit. Watched parents house on Redfin up for sale then sold for just under a million. Nobody contacted us to say 1 way or the other. Disinherited for my 'crime' of not taking more abuse. Tried to contact that brother to at least get photos from my & my Son's life as well as possessions of mine left there (several of my paintings, things my Granny left to me, several of my modeling photos etc) & he passive aggressively ignores. Silence. *"Bad Denise"* for not sticking around to endure more abuse. I'm crippled (non weight-bearing) with MS ( wheelchair), a cancer Survivor with 1cm meningioma (brain tumor same type Mary Tyler Moore had) in rt cerebellum, living in abject poverty. They know this. Like many targets of narc abuse, the c-ptsd effected my autoimmune system. Narcs literally made me sick. At any rate, there's nothing I can do to legally obtain my birthright & compensation for decades of abuse thanks to the laws in Ontario, Canada. If this happened in British Columbia, Canada, there's laws against disinheriting the appointed family scapegoat. In Ontario, can't even force executor to show me the will. My POINT in telling you this is narc parents & anyone in the toxic family (& anyone who continues to consort with your abusers) will only PRETEND to care about & wanna help you as a PLOY to help the narcs to re-ensnare you & get their talons into your offspring to abuse you via your child...try to turn your child(ren) against you with promises of funds or gifts, or...they'll outright try to HARM your child to torment you by proxy. So, heads up Survivors!! Be prepared for narcs' fury, manipulative tactics, flying monkeys, SMEAR CAMPAIGN slew of LIES maligning your character to be told to everyone in entire radius ( EXAMPLE: Spreading lies to explain 'reason' for your No Contact because of some B.S. lie they tell everyone like *_"We, the poor parents couldn't give scapegoat our pension & scapegoat's on drugs and in a cult & XXX movies, and prison, lazy bum"_* and THAT'S why you're not around. And those people who were TOLD those lies? Well, F. them for swallowing that & not even asking YOU if it's true. Your toxic abusers will leave you 2 things: 1. Jack. 2. Squat...and they'll do it even if you DO stick around. Narcs wait their entire lives, champing at the bit for that glorious crescendo where they SHIV you from beyond the grave. Don't expect your siblings to share the will with you either. They're too busy enjoying themselves and feeling entitled over "Bad You" who "abandoned the Family cuz you thought you were too good for them." (THAT above is their internal dialogue and attitude about you, the abuse you sustained & the money. ("I'M fine! Better You than ME")

What happened to you? Were you hoovered?

I left and went NO CONTACT 7.5 years ago. I was 49!!! I wasted the best years of my life on these Toxic People. Don't make my mistake! They will NEVER change. NEVER grow out of it. They relish it!!! I honestly don't care what happened to them after I left. They tried everything to pull me back into their grasp. I ignored them. I went through a lot of grief and depression afterwards. It's tough to accept the fact the people I loved NEVER cared about me, much less loved me. I was a servant. A source of free labor. A bank that didn't have to be repaid. I haven't seen or spoken to them since Summer 2016. I don't care what they do! If they destroy each other, that's Justice!!! My life is not perfect. But I'm better off without them. I will NEVER again allow these rotten people back into my life. I'm done! No matter what happens to me next, I will remain NO CONTACT. They're in the past. I'm looking forward.

Thank you for this video. I’m currently really struggling with guilt towards my enabling father and this has bought me down a bit more to earth and the truth

It was the decline in my mental health that was holding me back from reaching my goals. I experienced frequent episodes (which I now understand were emotional triggers), particularly when a boss or professor would scold me. It was at that point that I realized that I can't continue on like this. It's just not healthy. That was the push I needed to go to therapy.