Appreciate the kind words! Have you seen this video pertaining to no contact? It will show you what you need to do in order to regain and KEEP contact :) kzfaq.info/get/bejne/kL-BZ8ublbmraWQ.html Also, check out John's story in regards to no contact (both parts are below): kzfaq.info/get/bejne/qZaHnaV3192xmKs.html kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ZtVhh5erla26gYE.html

@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you!!

If you cannot join my program's community, then why not engage more in the KZfaq community here? I can answer some questions right here :) With this video, what resonated the most for you? Seeing connections between your situation and Bart's situation?

Little bit of a background. I majorly fucked up in the relationship in several ways and after the break up we were keeping contact until she said a day before she went to the trip in another country - let’s stop and get over, I don’t feel alright with myself when I talk to you and it feels bad that I am trusting you again, it feels like I am doing something wrong. After hearing that, I felt angry and overwhelmed but what I felt more was loosing control over the situation and loosing her. With the hope to keep at least minimum contact I begged her and said exactly the same things that you said - I will do anything in the world to fix the situation. She got mad for that and resisted saying - it feels like you can’t get over me while you claiming to be okay. My reply was exactly as you described as well - Then I’m not sure if I will be interested in talking to you after your trip. It blows my mind with every video that I watch - what I am in is not unique 😂. So I will keep watching your videos and my only question was, could you give me some examples of frameworks ?

@@TimmyAlaz Yup, no situation is unique :) As part of my Internal Shifts series, I will be producing a video discussing the Frameworks. So, stay tuned for that! In the meantime, feel free to check out the rest of the series: kzfaq.info/sun/PLQ8tvyhQlPzve8y0JwtzHhTGFGBjjwbbk

Appreciate the kind words, my man! What did you find to be the MOST earth-shattering part of today's video?

Awesome! Love to hear that. Tell him I said "Hi" and to not stop growing! :)

Definitely for another series in the future!

Make sure you check out the latest playlist on internal shifts and watch the videos closely. To me, someone saying "I’ve done my best to stay calm and I don’t react no matter what she’s saying….hard as hell btw" is a hallmark "surviving" and "tethered" approach.

@@GeoffreySetiawan for sure I know I’ve been tethered to the outcome while trying to detach from it…I’m starting a new job here in The Woodlands and once I have the money I am going to join the program if I can. I need it for me regardless of what’s happening in my marriage because I need to figure out how to really fall in love with the process and get real and lasting internal shifts

I do play in a high performance field myself. Here's what I have learned about untethering from Geoff. 1. Exceptions do not disprove the rule. Sure, you can come up with all kinds of exceptions for what I am about to say, but exceptions do not disprove the rule. Eg. The wealth you make in life depends on the value you are able to create. Eg. No one can learn a skill hard enough, for long enough, and at world-class levels if they are tethered. E.g. Take a look at how any of the world-class performers perform, and you'll see how untethered they are in their language. I am sure you can come up with exceptions for each of those arguments above, but exceptions do not disprove the rule. 2. Saying what you said above is like saying "My little league friend is really good at baseball, and he doesn't need to do what the MLB players do, so what the MLB player do must not be NEEDED" My friend, there is a whole wide world you may not be seeing. You do not need to play at "world-class" levels at $400K/yr :) When I held my corporate job making $400K+ per year, showed up tethered as hell everyday, and I did not have to operate at peak levels. Now, I run a 9 figure per annum business, and you bet, I need to be untethered at all times. 3. Untetheredness is domain-specific. There are MANY people who are untethered in their careers, but very tethered in their personal lives and romantic relationships. For me personally, while I was able to untether in my career, I was not able to translate that to my personal life. Two major reasons I have found: Untethering in relationships in a falling outcome. And relationships itself is a falling outcome. I can argue that I can still get by with more tetheredness when it comes to my career, because some part of it isn't emotions-based and some outcomes can be had with striving outcomes. But in romantic relationships, almost all outcomes are falling outcomes. As G says, there are different levels of success. Failure's success (success you cannot replicate) and successful success (success you can replicate). My ability to untether was failure's success. G's program has taught me to untether as a falling outcome, and replicate that success in all areas of my life. 4. Untethering has no tangible benchmarks. You cannot look at a person and determine how untethered they are. That said, this is why people say, at world-class levels, the difference between the average and the best is very miniscule and "mysterious". But if you really observe world-class players closely, this difference is not that mysterious, it is how untethered they are. Their untetheredness changes the way they practice. Their untetheredness changes their mindset during practice and performance. And so on. If you listen closely to the way top NBA/NFL/Musicians/Singers/Business leaders talk, you will see signs of their advanced level of untetheredness very very clearly.

@@StevoSparta-tt5vu You might want to watch that video again and refresh your knowledge on what untetheredness actually means. Untetheredness is not about pretending you don’t care about an outcome or not wanting anything at all. It is effort and surrender to the process, learning to focus on the process and loving the process intrinsically, because the outcome is something you want All the examples of gave above are all examples of untetheredness. Eg. I bet their motivation to practice and grow the skills their sport does not depend on their outcome. They practice their hardest no matter the weather. Eg. If during important moments, they start tethering themselves to the outcome, you bet they will choke. This is why the spirit of being fully present in the process, and not thinking about the win or trophy until that buzzer beats, is a such a big philosophy in any performance.

1. Sorry for the short response so I was driving. Okay first off, exceptions in quantity do disprove a rule. What are you on about? That is the very core how theory works. His rule is a theory and if you have abundant exceptions to that theory is is disproved. I know you like analogies so what you’re saying is like a child claiming they are right in their answer, despite there being concrete evidence it is wrong. 2. I think my response on some of the most successful players disproves your number two correct? I thought as much. Again, multiple exceptions are no longer exceptions it then means the theory needs to be reworked. 3. This was well said, no argument there good job. 4. Again my response to you disproves this. Listen to some of the top NBA and NFL players. They were totally tethered to winning the playoffs, to making that certain team, the Super Bowl, and whatever else it may be. They went out and trained because they WANTED that outcome and not because they needed it. But they didn’t just go out to train because they loved training. There are multiple documentaries on this for multiple athletes, and ultimately their strong desire to win and be the best led them to spend 8 hours shooting hoops (curry).

@@StevoSparta-tt5vu You might want to refresh yourself on the definition on untetheredness. It is not about not caring or pretending like you don’t look at or want an outcome. It is about effort and surrender to the process because you want the outcome. It is about focusing on and loving the processes intrinsically because you want the outcome, and this effort and surrender is completely untethered to the outcome/weather. The examples of the people above, to me, are all evidence of how untetheredness helps them to become world class. Eg. Think about the level of focus and intrinsic love for the process they need to have to get that good in the first place. To show up and practice hard no matter the good or bad weather happening, for decades. (The Steph Curry example you gave, you think pure willpower can last decades, or do you think they have learned to love the process of putting themselves in uncomfortable places?) Eg. Think about how untetheredness allows them to be clutch under pesssure. Why do you think the concept of being present on the process of the game, and not focusing on the win or the trophy before the game ends, is so crucial? Eg. Why do you think some athletes choke, and why do you think people say that what differentiates the world class from the average is mostly mindset? Is a major part of it tetheredness/untetheredness? Anyway, as much as i would love to debate about the value of untetheredness, i have to focus on my own process and my own life. If you really do not believe in the value of this, then up to you! You can live your life however you want. But for me, untethering has allowed me to get rid of my anxiety, insomnia, perform so much better for my wife, kids and business, it has allowed me to unlock such a high level of success in so many areas in more ways than I can imagine. And I did not think I was that tethered, until I was shown just how tethered I actually was and how I was limiting myself so much. Like Geoff said, you cannot see what is in your blind spot. All the best to you my friend.

Where did I state anything about that they shouldn’t care about the outcome??? Even though they state themselves that they were focused on that trophy and that win, or focused on that million dollar contract, you still say they were untethered? Their words say they are tethered to the outcome and regard that the hard work put into the process is to gain what they want. Not because of pure love of practice. I would argue that if they had an easier way to get to their goal they would take it but we can never know.