Hello. I can't over my perfectionsim and create my KZfaq blog. Can you help me please

My daughters, 18 and 20, have been estranged for four years. I am in counseling over this and PTSD. Yes, it's very important.

My DIL has removed everyone in my family from my son and grandchildren’s life, we were a very small family to start. I am now the target, and after a “chaperoned” but fun shopping spree for the grandkids birthday, she stood in a public parking lot and in front of my grandkids said my son (their father) does not want to hear from me, that I am neurotic, passive aggressive, and manipulating, along with all kinds of other complaints and accusations that were off the wall. I see these kids only if she is around and it’s been that way from the start. My granddaughter and I are very close and lately she has seemed fearful around me and her mother whispers to her upon seeing me. I have always respected their boundaries and have never questioned their parenting. My grandkids are 8 boy and 10 girl. The first thing she said to me when my granddaughter was born was “She’s not yours, you know” how bizarre is that? I have been silent without any requests to speak to or see them for 2 months and it has been crickets from their end. My heart is broken as I am very close to my grandkids and have never missed a first day of school, holiday, birthday, etc.. I fear my son has been sucked into all this with lies as well and I have no idea how to go forward other than to leave them alone. She can be vicious and disrespectful, and I am fearful of reaching out to my son because she monitors his calls and emails. Please advise any thoughts or help you might have.

Move on parents, I did and am really enjoying life with my husband. It’s our time!

How to help my son recover from growing up with his abusive father who brainwashed him and kidnapped him for 6 years, tried to erase his mother and constantly manipulated and lies and Emeshment. Help

Great discussion. Much thanks.

If your kid walked away... YOU screwed up.

Will my mother admit fault to anything? Or just post a positive staged photo to her Facebook?

I wonder when researchers are ever going to do a long term study to find the underlying causes of this stuff and correlations that lead up to it, so that they could someday come up with screening test that can predict when family relationships are going to go bad, years before it happens. Remember the Framingham study? It's a famous, ongoing study that started in the late 50's, where they track a bunch of people in Framingham Massachusetts, to find the causes of heart disease. It's how we know about the connection between heart disease and cholesterol and the connection between smoking and lung cancer. I wish they'd do a similar 50 or even 100+ year study where they follow a ton of families and look at every behavioral and environmental factor under the sun, that the researchers could possibly think of, in order to see what ultimately leads up to divorce, estrangement, personality disorders, and mental illnesses. Once they collect enough data, they can make screening tests they could give to people, either before they decide to get married, or when their kids or young to catch these issues while there's still time to prevent them from happening. Are there any studies like this currently happening anywhere? This really needs to be looked at as a public health issue for kids, just like things like vision screenings or having access to clean water are.

A divorce from there dad. He could have girlfriend s but if i had a man friend that was a no no. He convinced them i cheated the whole marriage. No he cheated on me but i told the truth. I said he cheated and I regret I did that.

What efforts can you suggest as far with the child ?

Hi i've been no contact with my parent for about 4 years now, I've come to talk to them at year 2, it went good for months then, after a while it became toxic again, this time I'm willing to do longer, they never showed care for me and they are always thinking about themselves. Narcissistic, selfish and self absorbed, I am more happy now and I feel free. They were never self aware always thinking about themselves. I feel good knowing that I never get to see them anymore

My mum is married to the man who molestered me as a child. Never apologised. I’ve always been kind and loving to my mum. But now I’m 40 I just can’t live in such denial.

According to God’s Word, some children are just rebellious and or stubborn. Sometimes the parents don’t have to do anything wrong. Parents are NOT children’s only influence in this world. So, when they enter the school system and or affiliate with other children, a lot of the people they come in contact with have now become influential to children, whether good or bad and they develop learned behavior from other adults and or peers. Moreover, some children may just be genetically hard-headed and will become estranged from parents, because they never liked rules and laws noway. Truth is we have to keep praying for our children and leave them in God’s hands. God gave us our own minds and sometimes people are going to “choose” to do what they want to do, regardless of whether they were raised correctly or not.

Very informative information thanks for sharing.

Unfortunately, my son became influenced by the woke movement. He cut off all contact and I have not heard from him in over 4 years. It is possible that he might never reach out to me. All I know is that he is in the state of New York.

Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy

What of they d9nt say anything?

Look inward and see why you drove your adult child away in the first place.

Excuse me while I project: So your child forgave the nightmarish childhood, filled with neglect, psychological and sometimes physical abuse, an adult life riddled with anxiety and depression, difficulty forming healthy relationships, agonizing rumination and everything else that comes from never feeling safe… only to endure a present day relationship with you that continues to include constant gaslighting, devaluing comparisons to your more successful cousins or childhood friends (whose parents actually invested in their upbringing BTW), triangulation, scapegoating, button pushing for sport, smear campaigns etc etc… to finally go no or limited contact for survival and you want an international pity party? Good luck

There is a reason kids don't speak to parents.

For me.its the opposite. Im the child and I screamed and yelled for an apology. Instead I got a closed door and my mom blocked me on everything.. She has her favorite daughter on her side anyway...

I look at it this way. My kids know I love them and they’ll come around eventually. I guess mature up so to speak.

7:30 👏👏👏👏Say it again for the people in the back! 😆

Or maybe they should figure out what they did to their children. People don't cut their parents off entirely for no reason, if your adult child has decided to go no contact, you have seriously fucked up and there's no way you wouldn't know about it. They also need to accept that their child may very well never talk to them again, their children are under no obligstion to heal a relationship that their parents fucked up

Your hair is absolutely gorgeous!!

My 60 year old sister ghosted out 80 year old parents for no known reason. She always has some mental issues and also turned her kids against them too. The only thing we can think of is that my parents arrived a few minutes late to a family event. I will never forgive her for this.

It is truly astounding how many grown adults cant fathom that they may have done harm to their own children and cant figure out how to take responsibility for it. Its a bunch of whiny cry baby b.s.

Send them a nice big fat text , let them know since you don't hear from them, you don't have children that care about you. You have decided to leave the inheritance to the church Or to your favorite charity.

Thank you that's a beautiful advice I have a 22 year old daughter that hasn't talked to me since she was 16 and it's killing me I pray for her everyday 🙏 I beg her constantly for her forgiveness to I know I was a shity dad I'm not the same person anymore I've tried to explain to her that people can change and she just doesn't get it I guess😢

I graduated college in Dec. 2009, right in the middle of the great recession. There were NO JOBS. My parents harassed me every day for weeks. Multiple phone calls, rude voice mails and e-mails, asking why don't you have a job? Why are you so lazy? You are not even trying. You have a job yet? I finally cut off all communication for 2 straight months. Then I would answer an e-mail once a week just to let them know I'm alive. I eventually started talking to them again. I guess they learned not to harass me, because they never did anything like that again. I normally do not believe in giving people the silent treatment, but in that case I had to for my own sanity.

I’m definitely experiencing complicated grief at this time. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this. I can’t afford a competent therapist that understands this type of situation. It’s definitely not for an intern who is on a steep learning curve. What worries me is that due to decades of abuse by my parents I’ve already exhausted all psychiatric treatments as I was diagnosed treatment resistant/refractory back in 2014. It took nearly 18 months to get into 85% remission. Only one medication in the entire arsenal of what Psychiatry has to offer by way of treatments and therapies works for me and this whole experience is now leaving me in partial remission with no alternatives left to improve or help my condition. I feel from day to day I’m sinking

Mine th7nk hes the boss but my s9n is not 😮

I tried for years. He told me he would never try to contact me again. I told him he was telling me I was not his son. He denied. Then admitted. 1996. I called him in 2000. He was angry. He blamed me for hurting his feelings. I just called him out, in 1996. It's 2024. I forgive him, but I'm resigned that he hates me. Actions speak louder than words, snd he is loud.

Four years now. Both kids. I'm still paying that child support though. I am beginning to understand why the psychiatrist warned me against getting to the point where you won't have them back. 😢

TY!

It’s ssooo painful

My dad didn't want me married, so he broke windows out of my car and house. Found a marble in my sons crib. He beat all his wives and kids. He killed neighbors and relatives dogs. I left Ca, and was the best for me. I've been a neurological mess my entire life. I found it's better to isolate myself because my youth still haunts me.

Thank you 🙏

The culture is encouraging to weaponize seeing babies on the bases of germs/vaccinations. It is heartbreaking.

Nail it!

It’s absolutely horrible, especially when the grandchildren are involved. They’ve gone from being with me at least 3 times a week to 0. No FaceTime, phone calls or anything. It’s like a sword in my heart 💔😢

🙌

This therapist is part of the problem. This parent needing to change is a misconception. We are all imperfect. We all can hope and strive to be better. The idea that these kids don’t feel safe is ridiculous. Such a cop out. There is a misconception that they are not safe and I’m not feeding into that lie.

Whatever-how do you just assume the parent is supposed to change?

I have, multiple times. I’m met with insults, ridicule and nothing kind. No attempts to have a conversation or even let me know what I did. Everything was awesome until one day… it wasn’t. 💔

Im a divorced dad and my wife cheated on me in 2014 with a wealthy man 20 yrs her senior when my twin girls were 9 and we got divorced. I had what a thought was an excellent relationship my daughters until this past year when one of them moved to her moms and then a couple of months ago the other did. They seem to want nothing to do with me and left for college without even saying goodbye. Is tough on me no doubt because I truly have no clue why but life has to go on. Maybe we can rekindle a relationship one day, maybe not. Sad of course but weird. They probably have their reasons but I was blindsided. Oh well.