Everyone can vent here if needed

-TW vent- "I've had to grow up at a young age to take care of myself, because apparently my mom(A stay at home parent) was to busy trying to get help for me, my dad was working. My brother was doing 'Boy things/teen things.' i was r@ped in 4rth grade by two boys in class at the time, i fear men and guys scared of them. I freeze maybe even start shaking. No one was there for me. And now.. It's already 2024..i would have committed in 2020. But now I'm here. I still have constant pain and i cut last year. I cried at my grandfather's grave, 'Forgive me'. Manipulation, bullying.. It has to stop. I'm a parental figure at the age of 9 - 13, now I'm almost 14. I can't cope with any other things.. People say I'm a kid, sure.. But nobody stops to ask why, i want to commit. I want to die on my birthday, i want people i care about to find me covered in blood because they weren't there to stop me. on my grave, i want the letters of my own choice: "I was a kid. Not an adult, everyone always wants me to smile. Go ahead and smile at my funeral. Be in colors for all i care, i didn't forgive you. But i gave you a second chance i regret it." (For anyone else who are struggling. Let it out, it'll only get worse if you bottle it up like i did, listen to music if you can, ask for a bit help every now and then. Stay safe, never take Self harm to far, call the suicide hotline don't be afraid to call them it's they're job.) I have autism and ptsd, i might also have ocd, but that's okay at least I'll die smiling?., i Don't feel alive, i have constant pain everywhere...I'm done dude.., i didn't think i'd make it this far, so i never really thought of a future.., If your in trouble with yourself or need to let it out.. Let. It. Out. It's okay, even i cry and I'm sturdy with life, I'm a tough person but honestly.. I'm still a minor.." (small quotes:"If they hurt or hit you once, lose control. They'll do it again, leave and do sugarcoat it." / Him: I'm not weak it's okay../ other: It's okay, you can cry.. / Him: No, boys can't cry.. / other: Nonsense, you can cry whenever you want, i will always be here to wipe your tears, your not alone.) i hope i get brutally murdered in front my past school. And on the news.. Now they'll regret it.. Right?, I miss them all.. Sure i didn't know all of them but i still love them.. I think..? / 0:35 (i also relate to being called 'nice' or 'mannered'..ofc i am.. I'm afraid of being rude)

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