It feels like I can’t control my nervous system no matter how much insight I have. And it affects the ability to connect and grow in situations with people. So many lost opportunities. Leads to a spiral of depression and feeling trapped. Feel like my life has been hijacked by this problem. It’s a state of suffering.

Thanks 🥺 S.A.D. is the biggest problem of my life I'm dying inside

This is a literal checklist for my life

Iam dying from social anxiety 😢.

I think its time for me to go to the doctor and get the meds. 1- Heredity predisposing genetics. My mother has social anxiety. She is not diagnosed officially but I listen to her stories. When she was 5-6, she used to hide in the backdoors, when some guests came to her house. And remembers that she was always extremely shy and depressed. 2- Insecure attachment style We have an insecure attachment style with my mother. I actually don't feel like I like my mother even though right now we have a good time. When I was born my brother was 2 years old and we were out of our homeland Turkey. We were living in the UK and my father was working in 3 jobs at the same time so my mother was trying to deal with me and my brother at the same time while dealing with her own depression as well. I am pretty sure that she neglected me and she was very depressed while looking after me. I never felt a warmth toward her. Interesting. And I have problems with girlfriends. I have had lots of gf and normal gf in my life but I am still struggling with the "loving" concept. I am not good at making real connections. I always feel unconnected - not attached to the most important people in my life. 3- parental shortcomings I grew up in Turkish culture and my parents were hard Islamic and nationalist. So I was basically educated to fear the parental figures and boss-like people. Also, they were extremely controlling about our lives. I never felt (and still rarely felt) that my parents listen to me. They are always right and it is a shame to talk back to them. They know everything and we have no chance to outbreak in any case. 4- traumatic social experiences I don't want to get into details but I have been beaten and bullied since I remember myself. Mostly by my older brother and later on by my parents and later on outside (school, students, teacher). So I have been bullied a lot and I think this had a huge effect on me. 5- observational learning Yes since I live in this kind of environment I sometimes see things done worse to me. 6- challenging experiences in childhood I am not sure if I got sexually abused or if I was willing to but I got sex when I was 12 and the other person was 13-14. 7- poor social skills I have very good social skills and I am very good about reading to people and I have quite a high IQ and I am pretty funny. But I am struggling very hard to show them because of SAD. 8- cognitive biases I probably have 9- biological vulnerabilities I do not know if I have a biological difference but I assume I have 10- cultural values & attitudes yeah already mentioned that one. our parents were very conservative and people-pleasing. My mother's most used argument is "What if others say/think X? ". Here is my one story. One day I got back from school and entered the house. I understand that there is a special event today. (it's like Turkish mother home part called "gün", they cook some dolma sarma kısır, bread, desserts, pastry, and çay) I was damn hungry and went to the kitchen. My mother only gave me 2 pieces of something I don't remember while the "guests" were taking double tables full of pastry and dessert. I said "Can I get more" but she said "Misafirler gitsin sonra yapcam ben sana" which translates to "after guests, I ll make you something".

Your information is accurate. I was plagued with the worst case of social anxiety as a kid. My father didn’t love me, but my mother did. They fought constantly. My father had an undiagnosed BPD and I was embarrassed whenever with him in public. He was overly strict, controlling, abusive, and self centered. He was referred to as the king of the house, meaning that whatever he wanted, he got.. while everyone else suffered. I was horribly embarrassed by a teacher in kindergarten or first grade, which I think happened when I was trying to be more outgoing and funny with my peers. She chased me around the classroom and then had the principal paddle me outside the classroom. I was horribly embarrassed. I don’t remember ever not being shy, but I think that early incident at school might have been the one that made school the worst place for my social anxiety. I was very hyper sensitive too, thinking that everyone was talking about me and laughing at me. My condition I would say was social paranoia. It would be so bad sometimes that when I was walking down the hallway at school, my legs would slowly become frozen and if I didn’t stop, I would trip over my own two feet. I tripped so often, I had chronic weak ankles. Fast forward to 14 years old, when my best friend offered to help me overcome my shyness. I laughed but accepted his help. Long story short, it worked. The next year I became one of the most popular kids in my school. I wasn’t fully healed, but my anxiety was under control and people no longer noticed it. I even landed the lead role in my school play. What really pushed me into a full recovery though was mirror therapy, which I talk about on my channel in How To Love Yourself. I was in my early 20s when I did that. I believe using mirror therapy to start loving myself was the solid foundation for making a full recovery. I went on to become a social butterfly, much like my best friend who helped me when we were 14 years old. I no longer have any social anxiety whatsoever. No fear of public speaking or stage fright either. My personality is now ENFP.

I sank into SAD quite a while back. Parents separated when I was 11, we had also moved countries multiple times. I held conflicts with my mother's new partner. I moved out of main house and into small cottage in the garden and literally avoided saying a single word to him for next 7 years, after which he left. Then after graduating from school all my few friends migrated to other countries. My mother also migrated to another country. I just moved to a different city to live alone. To make matters worse I then developed temporal lobe epilepsy due to benign brain tumour and started suffering seizures. My seizures were triggered by talking to others while nervous... and simply being aware of nervous being a trigger itself made me more nervous and further avoid interaction. Seizures eventually became bad enough after many humiliating events with people calling ambulances in public. The only option was to have brain surgery which I did and they removed the tumour as well as my damaged left hippocampus and amygdala. The operation improved things but didn't fully resolve epilepsy. I had another attempt at brain surgery 3 years after that to try fully resolve but that achieved nothing as they canceled just after operation started due to risks detected. Then my father died 2 days after my failed operation unexpectedly. Now is 4 years later and have not met any family since. I have also only met up socially with someone for lunch twice in last 3 years, and have lived alone working from home ever since the pandemic started. I turned 40 a few months ago and no friends left and no experience of a romantic relationship. I don't like photos of myself so there aren't any of those for last few years either. Things are going badly with my online team from work as I'm communicating very little resulting in worse results and have had very offensive things said about me in the team meetings, one where the team manager requested they don't assign important project work to me, with words implying I had no capability rather than I have the capability but struggling with more barriers than the rest currently. Been having online meetings with therapist for last year. Pleasant to have someone to express my thoughts to but it has not resolved anything yet.

Fantastic information thank you…it’s a wicked way to be in thinking….. I suffer since childhood…..mine trends to be in “ebb and flow” constantly….all depends on environment…. Thanks 🙏

This explains a lot - and the diagnosis I got recently makes even more sence after watching this. But I feel hope - now I know how to work on (with) my struggles.

So funny that things like increased amygdala and stress hormone response is being considered as a cause, when it's so obviously the other way around. People with SAD detect threats in neutral expressions? Almost like they have anxiety first off and then that anxiety makes them wary of potential threats. Same for the cognitive biases, the self criticality is caused by wariness and not the other way around, the anxiety is the root of these things. And CBT tries to fix the thoughts which wouldn't be there in the first place were it not for the anxiety.

Great content 👍🏻

😢