I don't want kids and I let a man know after the first couple dates. It's not up for discussion or compromise, so they can make an informed decision if they want to continue dating me.
@KatrinaDancer Жыл бұрын
Amen! I'm so serious I told them before we ever dated. That's 1 thing I won't compromise on.
@florindagonzalez5700 Жыл бұрын
I'm glad you informed them. That's fair, and cannot resent you when you don't change your mind. You were honest, and I respect that, wishing more people would be up front like you.
@lizetflorentino391111 ай бұрын
That's fair, but In my case is not fair when the other person who doesn't want kids wants to spend the rest of their life with me but avoids talking about having kids I fee like I'll always live with regret not getting what I wanted and making the other person happy after being together for 10years 😮💨
@g.michael376010 ай бұрын
@@lizetflorentino3911I am in the same boat.
@keracancook9 ай бұрын
Love this, there are certain things I’m not budging on
@clairenoire31769 ай бұрын
I never wanted kids, I've zero maternal instinct, zero desire to take over this role and I'm consciously childfree. I met someone and the attraction was instant. I thought we'd just have fun and that'd be it, but it started turning into something serious. I knew from the first date that he wanted kids and he knew I didn't. Soon we both started catching feelings for one another and I told him I'd think about it. I actually did, I researched, tried to picture myself with a family and even the thought of it would make me sick. So i just ended it today after two months saying I didn't want him to get hurt as we don't share the same values. No matter how much it hurts, that's a deal breaker and it's better to do it soon rather than later when the relationship has progressed and feelings have grown
@isabelitaruizVO6 ай бұрын
Same situation but for us took 5 years for his paternal instinct to "kick in" and I even tried (or brainwashed myself) and said we could start a family but my anxiety went through the roof and we decided to end it. While still loving each other. Breakups suck 😢
@clairenoire31766 ай бұрын
@@isabelitaruizVO some men want kids to satisfy their male ego, not because they actually want to raise them. How many single moms are out there struggling? Most families/ relationships fall apart after kids are born. And if someone comes from a poor /low socioeconomic background and has a history of addiction and/or mental health issues (like myself) I don't see any reason why they want to pass it on to someone else. Why would one procreate if one barely makes ends meet. I feel for you, but you did what felt right 👍🏿
@isabelitaruizVO6 ай бұрын
@@clairenoire3176 💯 Thank you!
@Captain_Commenter2 ай бұрын
Better to have a broken heart for a bit, then to have a broken home entertainment system from a screaming little kid squirting chocolate syrup into it.
@keylimeyogurt_ Жыл бұрын
I genuinely believe there isnt such a thing as a compromise when it comes to having kids. Either you want them of you don't and both are valid. I feel that this is an issue both need to agree on whole heartedly. I don't want kids and I will not change my mind. I'm having a permanent procedure to confirm that. Trying to convince your partner to have a child with you is not a compromise. I saw someone online say they'd "compromise" and just have one kid instead the two their partner wants after them pestering her. She didn't want kids at all. That's not really a compromise. Be upfront about your thoughts on kids always. If having kids is important to you, that's cool, but don't date people who don't want kids expecting them to "compromise" later.
@jeaninekane653 Жыл бұрын
Text him on WhatsApp for help 👆👆👆
@KatrinaDancer Жыл бұрын
Exactly!!! 🙌🙌🙌
@livingwithdrdenisej6 ай бұрын
The partner should know this clearly before marriage. Having children is not an individual thing only but is about one’s legacy. So this should not be guess work.
@Captain_Commenter2 ай бұрын
Preach
@Nesrine_Latiri14 күн бұрын
@@livingwithdrdenisejthat's part true except that people change views, feelings and perspectives after some years of life ; not everything someone is certain of or wishes for in their younger days stays the same ! Some very harsh circumstances can happen and bring brutal setbacks ! Like two years post marriage, I became permanently disabled overnight because a reckless driver paralyzed me waist down ; after dealing with the incredibly difficult and adjusting first years of the injury, I feel like I wouldn't mind having one child despite carrying and raising them from the wheelchair but our finances are very tight, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment and my husband isn't excited or ready to be more broke or not have time left for himself ! Yes in my situation I truly wish I can be a financially comfortable stay at home mom but it's not the case !
@elizakowalska9811 Жыл бұрын
Everyone always says to say if you want kids or not as soon as possible. But knowing from a young age is not always the case. When we met, when we moved in together and when when we got married I still did not know for sure. I still do not know. We talk about it sometimes and I know my husband is getting scared of missing out on something while I am almost sure I can't do it. Nobody had any malicious intent. Nobody hid anything from the other person. Hell, both of us could have changed our minds ten times over the 12 years we are together. People change minds. You can't always plan everything and "end things early if you are not on the same page", life is not this simple.
@Jaylinares8889 ай бұрын
It’s definitely very very hard. In this situation I feel like someone is always going to miss out on something. It’s really sad. I’ve been with my high school sweetheart for 9 years and I always thought I wanted a big family but things definitely change, I know for sure that I don’t want kids. I still don’t know what to do. I think letting him go is the best thing I can do for both of us but I’m not sure
@sylvaingeny13593 ай бұрын
@@Jaylinares888 let it go. push him away if you love him
@our.secret1130Ай бұрын
Don’t be afraid of having kids. Just have them! And be happy
@Mscookie313114 күн бұрын
So true.
@patriciamckay9611 Жыл бұрын
I have always been upfront about not wanting children. First husband knew it. He told my mother that he was going to change my mind. Lol. Divorce.
@yeti028 Жыл бұрын
My friend is in a similar situation where she told her soon to be husband that she doesnt want children, but he doesn't take her seriously. They are 28 years old now and they got together when they were 20. Any insight on this situation? Thanks in advance.
@patriciamckay9611 Жыл бұрын
@@yeti028 Its a deal breaker. There is no compromise possible. My first husband didn't take me seriously either. I didn't take it seriously either as I didn't realise what a big problem it would be. I just said no and thought that would be the end of it. I never wavered. If you friend really doesn't want children they don't have a future.
@catspawgardner321311 ай бұрын
If your partner wants a kid & you don't? Why not just end the relationship before the relationship gets too serious & and progresses to marriage.
@patriciamckay961111 ай бұрын
@@catspawgardner3213 I was young and dumb. I didn't realise then that it was a deal breaker. It meant nothing to me so I couldn't understand that it was a big deal to him.
@minaso8130710 ай бұрын
Stooopid effing men. I'm on my 3rd relationship at 33 and my man of 4 years just pulled this same bullshit on Friday. Now I'm scared he'll leave me and it's SO not fair because I have Lupus and Spinal Stenosis and if he really loved me he wouldn't be asking me to risk my life in a C section for a dumb little brat 😢
@Phillyfan9411 ай бұрын
This is a question that should be discussed before you marry. Before you get married find out if you guys share the same values. That’s more important than having good sex
@DiaryErnesstaDiAustralia Жыл бұрын
2 years after my divorce I met my partner. I was in my late 20's back then. From the very beginning before we committed this relationship I brought up the kids ideas. Both him and I agreed that we wanted to have kids together (more kids for him as he has 2 kids from his previous relationship). 6 years i've been patiently waiting for him to come and be ready to have kids. Last month I gave him a 10 day tropical holiday as a birthday gift and that's when I mentioned about what if we start to plan to have kids this upcoming year. To my surprise he said that he changes his mind about having kids. Until today I am still lost. I really don't know what to do. We loved each other so much. And after 6 years it's becoming more complicated. I am so numb. 😌
@annakarina8417 Жыл бұрын
I would never forget that and left him immidetely. He would never compromise his desire for kids for any woman. Think about that. Leave his ass for good and find better and richer guy than him. He will regret his choice forever. NEVER WAIT FOR ANY MAN. He would never wait for you. I'm 33 and in similar situation but we are only 1 year in marriage. And my patience is gone. If my husband will not agree to start trying for kids in upcoming months, I'm getting divorce. You are still young, you deserve to have your own chdren and family. You will regret it if you will wait longer or stay with him without your own kids.
@holmescrystal20 Жыл бұрын
I'm in a similar situation. Been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we both wanted kids in the beginning but then he changed his mind. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like it's damned if I do damned if I don't I have a good man right now who treats me like a queen almost everything in man I've always wanted. But if I choose to leave who's to say I won't end up like most people, a single mom.
@DiaryErnesstaDiAustralia Жыл бұрын
@@annakarina8417 thanks. I keep bringing up the babies subject here and then. He hasn't said directly but he seem to slowly open again for the ideas... I wish the best of luck for both of us...
@DiaryErnesstaDiAustralia Жыл бұрын
@@holmescrystal20 I totally feel you. I keep bringing up the subject when the time is right. He seems to open up with the babies idea again. I suggest you to give one last try. Give couple months deadline for example before making any major desicision. Wish the best for both of us.
@melmel7011 Жыл бұрын
Im so sorry
@LifewithKrystle Жыл бұрын
Maybe my sister is a rare case but she never wanted to have kids and her boyfriend did. My sister loved him so much that she agreed to having kids for him. They have 2 children now who are 12 and 15 years old and my sister and her husband are happily married.
@12weekrelationships Жыл бұрын
We're happy to hear that!
@dominictafoya2205 Жыл бұрын
This is more the exception than the rule
@kajalshekhawat436 Жыл бұрын
Or that’s what she tells everyone because coming to terms with the fact that she is miserable because of the choices made, choices that CANNOT be taken back, may send her in a downward spiral
@LifewithKrystle Жыл бұрын
@@kajalshekhawat436 Doubt that. My sister is incredibly happy and is an amazing mother too!
@KatrinaDancer Жыл бұрын
People often forget to think about the kids. Are the kids happy to have been born? I had amazing parents and they wanted children but I still wish they hadn't had me.
@jathibaye4 ай бұрын
I don't want kids. I make it very clear from the very first date that this is not debatable and not a thing I can compromise on. That is one of the the things people need to talk about early in the relationship.
@lordofwarcrag3 ай бұрын
Me and my husband agreed to kids prior to marriage and 2 years in he "changed his mind". Turns out he only said it so I'd stay with him and never actually meant it. And we talked about it from our 2nd date up until recently when he admitted he absolutely does not want to be a father.
@user-cc5od3zk4p8 ай бұрын
There is no compromise in this situation. Go your separate ways. I’ve worked with a couple of people who went the compromise route. Both relationships ended in divorce (post kids).
@whocanitbenow13 Жыл бұрын
The partner that does not want children should be valued over the partner that does. The regret of not having children isn’t severe as the regret of having children.
@kurikuchi Жыл бұрын
interesting thought, thank you!
@celsomonteiro6541 Жыл бұрын
Very good. How do you know that?
@KatrinaDancer Жыл бұрын
Also it's children who are unwanted that suffer. Children that never exist can't suffer at all.
@whocanitbenow13 Жыл бұрын
@@celsomonteiro6541 I learned this from experience. 😞
@whocanitbenow13 Жыл бұрын
@@kurikuchi You’re welcome and thank you!
@frls502 ай бұрын
Glad I found this episode... Ultimately, children aren't really something you can compromise on. Both partners need to be on the same page about wanting children or not. I recently ended a "pseudo- relationship" over this and it prompted me to look further into the subject, but this episode almost confirmed every point I made to her. I'd made it clear that I didn't want kids maybe 2-3 dates in, she said the opposite. I tried to end it there and we didn't talk for weeks. I thought that was the end of it, but then she reached out, we started hanging/bonding ( I do take accountability for continuing to hang out, knowing our individual positions), and developed feelings, which is something I was trying to prevent from the beginning. Every time it came up and I continued expressing the same sentiment, she would get upset, every time. She got to a point where she said "Fine, I don't have to have a kid. I just want to be with you...", but that's when I began to explain to her that her "compromise" wasn't really a compromise. That her dismissive disposition on something obviously important to her made me not believe her. That conceding, on either end of it, would only end up in resentment. It felt like she was just telling me what she thought I needed to hear so that we could continue. I no longer trusted the situation and felt a need to end it - not only so that I didn't get trapped, but so that she could actually be free to find someone to have children with. I realize my mistake was continuing to see her when we knew we had differing thoughts, but IN THE MOMENT, it just happened. Definitely won't happen again...
@andreste1989 Жыл бұрын
Glad I found this. So many of these "having kids" videos focus on the dynamic of women combating the cultural expectation that they should have kids and while that is of course important its not very helpful for men who are in a difficult situation regarding kids. I broke up with my gf who 100% wanted kids and I was unsure about it and that was ultimately the main thing we broke up over out of an otherwise healthy relationship.
@jeaninekane653 Жыл бұрын
Text him on WhatsApp for help 👆👆👆
@KatrinaDancer Жыл бұрын
Good for you! If there's anything in this world you shouldn't do without being 100% sure it's bringing another sentient being into this world.
@paferrodriguez Жыл бұрын
I would like to know what will be the point of you guys, when one of the parners wants a biological kid and the other one just wants to adopt, more likely the women because all this changes the woman is going through, postpartum depression, changes on her body, doesn’t want to go through the new born baby stage either, wants to adopt a little bit older kid of 4 years old, what does the couple can do
@familyjewelz41139 ай бұрын
I have been with my boyfriend for 19.5 years, we are high school sweethearts. We bought a home together about 5 years ago. I love his family like my own. We both have okay jobs. I’ve wanted him to propose to me for a while now and I don’t think that will ever happen at this point. When we were in our twenties he talked about marriage and children. Now I’m 37 and he is 36. Still not married and he does not want children. He knows it upsets me that we are not married/no children. I love this man so much. He truly is a good person and I connect with him on such a deep level. I find myself being bitter towards him when our friends and family members get pregnant or married because for so long he said he wanted that and now he doesn’t. He is also a home body which is fine but I feel like I want to explore the world a little more if he doesn’t want the thing (child) that would anchor us for a while. This is all very emotional for me because we go around this world once and I want to make it count.
@brandih48829 ай бұрын
No don't stay with him! If he wanted to marry you already he would have. He's just running out your clock, hoping you stay with him without children. Run away while you still have a few years left. Also you don't want to have children when somebody who doesn't want them, because they're not going to care and you're going to get frustrated and you're going to end up leaving anyways and then you'll be a single parent. If he valued you he would show you that he values you. It's painfully obvious that he doesn't like you the way you think he does. Please find courage to leave, quickly like within the next month, Do it because you respect yourself even if he doesn't
@Lighthouse61047 ай бұрын
Man I’m sorry that seems like such a tough situation 💔
@sneha8695 ай бұрын
Marriage is not everything, I know it's a commitment but love is beyond marriage
@antinatalistwitch1114 ай бұрын
Travel and go on adventures by yourself or with friends. Maybe that will get him to join u. And if u make a baby with someone who does not want children, please don't be surprised when u become a single mother!
@erickkisreal93984 ай бұрын
its sort of a play your cards right thing. If you don't give up the bedroom unless he marries you, its likely you would have been married by now
@salty76026 ай бұрын
If more folks considered why they want kids, what they are truly able to provide for those kids, whether or not they’re truly willing to allow their kids to pursue their own paths in life and whether or not they can handle being “disappointed” with potential negative outcomes of parenthood… I think fewer people would actually want them. I think often times people want them because they’re told they do. I think they also use kids as a means for control over their spouse or some sort of weird social kudos card. Regardless, children should be non negotiable. If you KNOW you want them, you find someone who wants them as well. If you KNOW you do not, you either stay single or partner up with someone who shares that lack of desire for kids. It’s really that simple. You can deeply love someone at a distance if you both value different things and let them find someone who can provide what they want
@AlissaChapman-ch5zq10 ай бұрын
This made me feel a lot better. My husband wants kids suddenly after 2 years of being married. I am high risk for pregnancy and I think it's starting to put strain on us. I am only 23 years old and I have time. He is 25. I never wanted kids and I've tried to be around my cousins little kids/babies and I don't want one. The idea of a baby makes me feel ick?
@Lighthouse61047 ай бұрын
Same here, I would be a very high risk pregnancy and I don’t want to bring a kid into this screwed up world.
@danikeebler1662 Жыл бұрын
That is why I never married. I was afraid he would change his mind or pressure me or deceive me into conception . There is no meeting in the middle on this one.
@pastelmoon91189 ай бұрын
if they try to pressure... then they never cared about your wants and needs. Not good partner
@marks.759310 ай бұрын
On the subject of having children, the partner saying no has the deciding vote, because children can't be returned. If it means the relationship breaks up, that is what is means. Better to break up and go your separate ways than to raise an unwanted child within a troubled marriage.
@goodwill5756 Жыл бұрын
You guys are really good at role playing haha 😂 enjoyed this
@12weekrelationships Жыл бұрын
Haha, thank you! Glad you enjoyed
@tiphainer71434 ай бұрын
Thank you for this episode gentlemen. I needed a non-biased perspective on this subject.
@tlc938 Жыл бұрын
One is optimistic and one is pessimistic
@DrineThePoet Жыл бұрын
Having kids especially these days is hard...and the world is dangerous and reckless now more then ever so I understand people not wanting kids.
@Lighthouse61047 ай бұрын
Thank you! This world is so nasty and scary. I just can’t have kids, I will not.
@howtosober Жыл бұрын
Actuarial data estimates it to cost between $250,000-$300,000 *per child* to raise a kid to the age of 18. That does *not include college* or forecast for the inevitable economic support they will need into adulthood because capitalism means nobody lives fully on their own at 18. Even if one accepts these realities, the best of planning still cannot predict whether your intent to create ONE child will result in multiples- even larger multiples than twins. So one's quest to give their daughter a little brother could suddenly mean going from a family of three to a family of seven. It also *does not include chronic health conditions, disabilities, or catastrophic injuries and illnesses.* For people that have children with severe mental and physical conditions like autism, Down's Syndrome, lung and heart defects, etc. this cost-per-child can be in the millions. Most of these things aren't even known until a woman is in her third trimester, which is when legal options to terminate are mostly nonexistent. Goodbye to saving for retirement- or ever having a life of your own again, EVER. In the United States, a country without a healthcare system, reproductive rights, paid maternity leave and childcare, or any form of social safety net, having children seems absolutely insane to me. That doesn't even account for the impending climate catastrophe, increasing potential for nuclear war, and the inevitable collapse of the U.S. dollar.
@adamromero9 ай бұрын
This comment should be pinned. 👍
@JetJamez3 ай бұрын
That’s only about 17k/year over 18 years. Part of that cost is going towards you as well because it includes food and shelter-which is a shared expense.
@labeenausmani9696 Жыл бұрын
It's my first date discussion 😅 do you want to have kida bcs I don't want. End up having break up on the first date itself 😢
@randomuploadsism10 ай бұрын
better than on the wedding night my dude!
@josecontreras29977 ай бұрын
First questions do you want kids and do you want marriage if yes bale.
@jasonbrown725810 ай бұрын
I been married for 10 years now have a 20 year old daughter from a previous marriage got myself fixed shortly after she was born. Now my current wife wants a kid. Think I might have to let this one go.
@Thristed Жыл бұрын
This was very good! Am at a crossroad in my relationschip off 5 year (shes 30/am 38). We have a very healthy releationship, financial stable, we love each other, etc. She wants a kid and am just not sure. Honestly 99.99% of me says no, i mean i love kids but taking them home and having to take care someone for the next 25 ish years seems like a lot of work on top of the work we have already. These days couples don't stay together forever neither so i start thin,ing, what iff shes sick of me in X years. Then i said yes to something without having her, what would be the main reason to do it ... its killing me!
@Thristed Жыл бұрын
Update! It's over, I ended it ... 💔💔
@stheno4783 Жыл бұрын
@@Thristed Wow that must be so painful. Seems like you know it's right for you. How are you doing?
@Thristed Жыл бұрын
@@stheno4783 feels very bad 👎 😰. Miss her alot and that feeling makes me dought my decision. 😪
@flyboy9319 Жыл бұрын
@@Thristed I'm in a similar boat man. My fiance and I love each other. She's absolutely great and we love each other, it's a healthy relationship, we're financially stable, etc. Just like you said. The thing is that we're young. I'm 24 and she's 22. I want kids at some point way in the future and she just absolutely no. She did eventually agree to maybe adopting in the future but that if I'm entering the marriage it has to with the notion that we'll never have kids. I just don't know what to do man. How did you make that choice?
@jpgiles1725 Жыл бұрын
I dated a woman who also wanted kids, I'm on the fence about it and leaning towards no. Some of the reasons are what you described and I have more reasons on top of that. Its been a year since we broke up, however we've hung out a few times since we broke up. In a lot of ways it gets better with time. However In a lot of ways its still hard. Just know that there are other people going through the same circumstances you're going through. She's also having a hard time with this.
@marcelawestberry6071 Жыл бұрын
My husband change his mind about kids after 12 yrs together and i had finished in vitro treatments 😢 he said he is too Old
@jeaninekane653 Жыл бұрын
Text him on WhatsApp for help 👆👆👆
@scarletsletter4466 Жыл бұрын
God this must be crushing. I went through a similar situation. Did you leave? Has he come around?
@manalimorjeАй бұрын
My bf wants kids n I don't How to find a solution to it Should we move apart Only one year has passed since we have started dating
@SprinklesNStuff Жыл бұрын
Ouch😔 together for 13 years 5 years married Brady bunch 2 kids each but he decided no children together
@celsomonteiro6541 Жыл бұрын
Be happy with what you have, lots would love to have it
@goodcatfilms42763 ай бұрын
I don’t want kids because I care about kids too much. Feels ironic.
@haobinlu12 күн бұрын
You care about not having accountability for failure. If you would care, you would deliver results.
@Lepetitvache7 ай бұрын
Considering the average cost to raise a child in America from ages 1-17 is around 350k..and that’s just the cost of basic needs. Foregoing education,healthcare,etc.
@ChristieLynnnn3 ай бұрын
That’s not a reason to not though. Where I live in Canada the government gives $1300 a month to people in my tax bracket for a kid. That’s almost $300k for having a kid -definitely enough to cover the costs. And if you are rich you only get about $520 a month but if the Partner who wants a kid wants to pay if it they should not be deprived of that option. That is if this is the only reason to not.
@tripplethreat1414 Жыл бұрын
Wow pye''s voice is amazing 💫
@OliverOrange4 ай бұрын
There is a woman who married a man who lied to her, telling her he was open to having kids. Then when she married him, he said he really didn't want kids and says he only said that because he loved her and didn't want to lose her. What are your thoughts?
@serenity12553 ай бұрын
She should leave.
@moakylin40613 ай бұрын
Sometime it’s not clear. Perhaps non of you knew. But i don’t think is fair once you get pregnant and the man told you just before that he want’s children. And then bail and have no contact. Telling you over and over that you have to make an abortion. That is just surreal and heartbreaking
@dpcomedys Жыл бұрын
My partner and I had planned on having at least 2 children with each other. (Together 6 years) We now have one child and she says that does not want anymore children anymore. Is it better to keep the family together and compromise not having more children?
@HomeschoolVouchers Жыл бұрын
That's up to you to decide. For some people, it would absolutely be more important to have more children. To others, maybe they'd LIKE a second child but don't NEED a second child.
@antinatalistwitch1114 ай бұрын
@HomeschoolVouchers nobody NEEDS children. Most people are trying to fill voids
@InformedWorldCitizen11 ай бұрын
Great conversation!
@bizkidz32606 ай бұрын
I told my partner at the start I wanted children but he said he didn't know and now he doesn't.
@prudenceheki26 Жыл бұрын
I am glad to find this. Well for me knowing that i had two c sections i have decided that i dont want to experience the same pain the third time its just horrible however that doesnt mean i cant help raising someone else's child. Its not about carrying a baby but growing my family through adopting ahter peoples children. I was a raised by a foster parent and she did everything she could to raise me she was amazing, i guess thats where i got a desire to do the same. I talked to my now spouse about this and he was on board to adoption now after 6 years of marriage he just changed his mind. Its not like i want to adopt right now but the fact that he changed his mind and its not guaranteed that he will change to agree with me. So what now? Do i forget it?
@Chosen30211 ай бұрын
Another thing I think people for get is that if you have a kid at 40 plus, you’ll be raising kids until 60 ish. Let that one sink in. Also, if you think your relationship will grow in love bc of kids, you’re absolutely wrong. Kids add tremendous stress. And who’s to say your kid is going to be an angel?
@randomuploadsism10 ай бұрын
Never mind that, most woman are infertile at 40+. You can consider the door closing at 30 and closed by 38. Of course there are exceptions, some women are infertile by 30.
@Kima898 ай бұрын
@@randomuploadsismstop spreading misinformation. Fertility doesn't drop off til after 35 and most women can conceive thru their 30s . Research before you post and potentially hurt people
@Nesrine_Latiri21 күн бұрын
That's true but he could be 40 and she's 25 and there are lots of couples with that age difference all over the human world including myself@@randomuploadsism
@danielahinder75474 ай бұрын
The discussion is very interesting and I like the fact, that it's not so fix and changing the mind is possible. But I missed the part about the age. For a man has the age of having children another meaning than for women. In a women's life it's a really important question, especially in the age from 30 to 40. For men it's different because they still could have a child with 50 or 60 but women not.
@bleeka3256 ай бұрын
You have this conversation in the front end. Idk what the other option is
@LunaDaSavage5 ай бұрын
Half way through and the guy on the right keeps cutting off the guy on the left. Let him talk. He makes great points.
@mandaalexiou4927 Жыл бұрын
What to do if he wants it way earlier than 30 and I want it after 30 both love each other very much ? He won’t make any further compromises he said he can wait but not until 30. What should we do?
@scarletsletter4466 Жыл бұрын
Move on. Find someone who wants the same things as you. A man who wants to be a father in his 20s & you don’t, doesn’t want the same thing as you. ❤
@sdsdsdsdsdsd53056 ай бұрын
Im in a relationship for over 7 years, my boyfriend doesnt wanna marry me and he doesnt want children with me. The issue is he doesnt want to talk about it. He is ignoring me and doesnt want to talk about our future. Im planning to leave him.. 😢
@melaneytraficante7973 Жыл бұрын
Financial strain is understandable, however, our grandparents/ great grandparents worked hard and often times in those days didn’t have it all together. My grandparents came from Puerto Rico and already had 4 or 5 children when they came to the states and went on to having 11 all together and raised a few of their grandchildren. I agree you should have a healthy relationship but back in the day our grandparents were in it through the struggles and people today give up so easily. My mom is the youngest of the 11 children and my grandparents home was the place to be during holidays, the love was felt within that home and being with them, so in the end having children is worth it. Have to be willing to invest in building a family, a relationship is give and take and forms best through love and compromise. Just my opinion. My struggle at the moment is that I went through a divorce, we have three beautiful children together and I’m struggling with the fact that I was not done building my family and my now husband loves the children I already have but does not want one of his own, it’s heartbreaking. I’ve always wanted a big family, five kids.
@Tammy8823 Жыл бұрын
Beyond your desire to have a big family to replicate what your grandparents had, why else do you want a big family? Can you afford 5 kids? By affirms I mean can you put together a trust fund for all of them? Do you have a big enough house so that they can have their own rooms? Sharing when you’re little is ok, but eventually they need their privacy. If you think about how hard the current economic and social situation is right now, what do you think it will be like when they are adults? Do you have enough money for retirement so that you don’t become a burden on them? Love is great, but it’s not enough.
@Nesrine_Latiri21 күн бұрын
@@Tammy8823Absolutely that 👌
@StephanieJones-zx2hv4 ай бұрын
Looking for somw advice. Me and boyfriend have beem together 4 years, both 19. I love kids and am pretty sure I want them but not an absolute yes. Boyfriend is totally on the fence but leaning towards nor wanting kids. Not interested in breaking up and we are in committed relationship, at same college, met the famil, etc. I don't know what to do if he decides in a few years that he doesn't want kids after all.
@1800Prez Жыл бұрын
Thankyou for this
@pelindali10 ай бұрын
I've always wanted to be a young mother. Because I didn't have any siblings and I was so alone, I wanted 2 or 3 kids. I got married when I was 24 and in my opinion it was still ok, I could still be a young mother. Then Surprise! My husband doesn't want to have kids. I didn't think there would be such a person. I didn't know what to do. I tried to change his mind, but it didn't work. I thought, there will be some mistake and I'll get pregnant, but it didn't happen. I was in a big big depression for about 2 years! Waking up in the middle of the night and cutting my own hair. So many times I found myself with a knife at my hand thinking about killing myself but I didn't have the power to bear the pain and I didn't want to fail. In the same time I loved him so much and I couldn't leave him. Even if I left him I was running out of time for being a young mother. So I stayed. It took me another two years to get recovered, get out of the depression and leave slowly all the pills my psychiatrist gave me. During that time he washed my brain about how bad having kids is. So for a period of my life I was so against having kids. When I was 29, I got pregnant. He said it's totally your decision, I'll be there whatever you choose. My mother was 30 years old when she gave birth and she worked a lot really a lot. At school other children's mothers were all young or if they were around my mother's age, they had other children , which are older than me. The other moms didn't work, they were mostly housewives or they had some light work, so they could come and pick up the child or make food or be there and spend enough time with the kid. I was envying them a lot. So if I was going to be a mother I had to be younger than 30 and actually my age limit was 27 for the first kid. And I had to be a housewife. So when I found out I'm pregnant at my late 29, which means I'll be 30 when I give birth and I was so brain washed by my husband and I was so against having kids, I was so sure about the abortion. Now I regret that decision every once in a while. We were living in the middle east at that time. Now we live in Europe and it's really nice here. I really want to be a kid myself and grow up here or never grow up😅 now my husband is ok if I want to have kids. He says it's a nice country, a nice city for having kids. He still doesn't want to have kids but he is ok with it. The reason behind it is that he doesn't want to be blamed later , because of him we didn't have kids. I'm now 35!!! I don't have that energy. We don't have space in our apartment, we don't have money for children. With a lot of sacrifice we can have 1. I'm really angry at him for bringing this so sensitive topic up again. It's totally what I was against: having an only child and at 35 years old! I don't think I can bear the noise he/she is going to make, the dirt, I don't have the energy it requires. I'm a cigarette addict and I don't want to smoke until I can't breathe when I'm 7 months pregnant, like my mother did. My husband won't quit smoking and it will be hard real hard to quit alone. I have high blood pressure and I'm taking medication. I mean in this situation why do you bring up this topic again!?! It's really so not fair!!!
@ForeverSunnyy10 ай бұрын
Why would you have kids if you have such an unhealthy mentality? I don’t mean to offend. But kids shouldn’t be born with the purpose of making you less lonely. I’m an only child too, but I never felt lonely or in need of having kids to fill a void. Trust me, kids or no kids, you’ll still feel awful. What you need is therapy. Heal the wounds that haven’t stopped bleeding.
@pelindali10 ай бұрын
@@ForeverSunnyy thanks for your response, but I guess there are some misunderstandings. Kids won't fill any void. I just don't want him/her to have the void I had, because of being the only child. Because I won't be able to have more than one kid. I don't think anyone has a healthy mind. We are all in some ways unhealthy, we all have some problems in some subjects. I wish there would be somewhere issuing a certificate to be a parent, but there's no. So there are parents much worse than me. You have read one of my problems, so of course it will sound like I'm a problematic person. It's perfectly normal :) no offense taken
@johnnycalderon99514 ай бұрын
Shes 35 with 2 kids 9 and 10 im 42 with one daughter' 17. She wants to get married move and have a life together i want another child she doesnt. At some point she did now she doesnt. Idk what to do
@rhythmandblues_alibi4 күн бұрын
Covered everything? After 28 minutes? 😒
@AlexCab_49Ай бұрын
I want children and I wouldn't want to marry or date someone who doesn't share that value with me because the relationship would be doomed to fail. It may sound crude to say this but I think if you're talking to someone who clearly has made it clear they don't want kids then maybe just have them as a FWB
@our.secret1130 Жыл бұрын
Had talk with boyfriend tonight. He seems willing to compromise and have a kid for me, but he is 15 years older than me and I feel kinda bad for even asking
@annakarina8417 Жыл бұрын
Dump him. He should beg you to have kids with you. Find someone closer to your age who deeply desire to have family with you
@our.secret1130 Жыл бұрын
@@annakarina8417 thank you for taking the time to say this. It’s validating to hear this perspective. Thank you
@kajalshekhawat436 Жыл бұрын
Stop forcing people who don’t want kids to have em.! It’s not beneficial for anyone involved
@Mo-fl5bv Жыл бұрын
It shouldn’t be a compromise to choose to have kids. No one should start that kind of commitment half hearted. He is going to be miserable, possibly a bad parent. Don’t do this
@whocanitbenow13 Жыл бұрын
Please do not make him a father. His choice is far more crucial and he will grow to resent both you and your child. Please respect his wishes and leave him alone.
@JTown-tv1ix8 ай бұрын
My wife and I have 1 kid together and everyone is happy, we both tremendously enjoy being parents. However, I really really want to have another child and She is adamant that she does not. It's heartbreaking because she is taking something immeasurable from me, but I don't want to destroy my young kids happy home.
@JusDrawBraw7 ай бұрын
What is she taking from you? She has already sacrificed her entire body to bring one of your children to life...a very hard task. So is it so hard to believe that she might not want to endure that again and just enjoy your little loving family? If you had to give birth, you probably wouldn't want to do the shit twice.
@emmilyn3622 ай бұрын
Taking something from you… that’s a really tough phrasing! I very much understand that you feel resentment and that it hurts. But she doesn’t owe you a kid! That’s a decision she is free to make. And it’s a shitty situation to be in.
@malcolmarmstrong9065 ай бұрын
Interviewer; I wonder: Were you doing this work, audio video interviews, using your rich voice, prior to becoming involved with your, ex, your previous wife?
@deweyjudd51744 ай бұрын
Why do the people who do podcasts always try to make their voices sound like a narrator of a movie???
@Chong7606 ай бұрын
It’s very simple actually a person has no business getting into a marriage when there is no commitment to continue having children. That’s what marriage is all about… a commitment to one another to raise children
@randomuploadsism10 ай бұрын
A 30 minute podcast with no input from a mother or even a woman. Congrats on getting 50% of the story.