3 Qualities of Lasting Friendships (Making and Keeping Autistic Friends)

Рет қаралды 15,389

Күн бұрын

Autistic friends can be some of the best you'll ever have. It turns out there are some qualities of lasting friendships. Autistic friendships very important and that means autistic people can especially benefit from these since maintaining relationships is one of the things we struggle with the most.
Free Resource: Finding and Keeping Close Friends In The Modern World
kitestring.org/
Emotional Intelligence Courses (Inc. Free Intro Webinar)
emotionsexplained.com.au/
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul

Пікірлер: 62

@mikailusmaximus8504 4 жыл бұрын

A minor public announcement to all the Aspies out there: not every misunderstanding or misinterpretation is your fault. Just because you misunderstood something someone says or does, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Just because someone else, especially an NT, misunderstood something you say or do, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

@IMeMineWho 23 күн бұрын

My friend has autism and thinks that she is right in everything. She does not think that she misunderstands. She even says she will not listen to my side and that I do not understand. She always thinks she is right. Most of the time so do I. But we have known each other for years.

@k.alvarado6237 4 жыл бұрын

This is why I don’t have many friends. My “containers” are limited. You actually have to join and do things after working 40 hours a week to build up friendship.

@SueLyons1 2 жыл бұрын

Not sure about that...

@USS_Grey_Ghost 4 жыл бұрын

I’ve had Asperger’s for years I’ve always knew I was different I always knew I was weird I’ve never cared I’ve always embraced it and that is the best thing you can do my book.

@heedmydemands Жыл бұрын

You are a wise person

@Leena79 4 жыл бұрын

I suck at being a friend. I'm pretty ok masking my quirks for short while, like on hobby courses I take, but that exhausts me. The few people who I considered friends have slowly disappeared from my life, which is not a surprise since I thought connecting once a year or so was enough to maintain these friendships. It was enough for me, but deep down I know it wasn'g enough for them. I also find it really hard to initiate a get-to-gether, like ask them to go to movies, and just hanging out without an activity is awkward. Currently, I don't even know for sure if I have friends anymore.

@andrewnoel5545 4 жыл бұрын

Feel the same way, can totally relate. Sounded exhausting just hearing what's required to maintain friendships. I'm like if we were friends before, haven't had an arguement or spoken an ill word, then what has changed aside from time, and why does that matter?

@ruthiemay4799 4 жыл бұрын

I don't consider co-workers as friends. They're simply acquaintances. Friends are people you do life with outside of work. Same with neighbors. They're not friends unless you're participating in life together otherwise they're just someone down the block or down the hall.

@modbopbeatrewind3283 4 жыл бұрын

Agree 101%.

@oBluePandaO Жыл бұрын

I agree, in my life there is only one person that was a coworker that after litterally became a friend to me

@sushi_donut 4 жыл бұрын

Dang. Even as a neurotypical person, I got a whole lot out of this mini lecture. 🤔😄 I needed this today. Thank you!

@nestrior7733 4 жыл бұрын

The container analogy definitely holds true. I just don't keep up with friends once they/I/we leave the container. Even when there are more things in common. But my most valued and closest friends and myself have found ways to bridge the distances and keep in contact through various containers and interests. And we have all invested so much time and energy in building the friendship. Most others just kind of exist and I do not really manage to keep in touch a lot of the times. Also because I just don't have the energy after a day with them a lot of the time. Which makes chatrooms and apps so wonderful for me and I can even somewhat recharge by chatting. About something I enjoy, anyway.

@vk3jed 4 жыл бұрын

That's really great advice. You've explained why I actually have had a lot of success with making friends over the years - I learned to do pretty much what you're saying, through much trial and error. And yes, I am autistic. Now I can use your explanations to help others, or simply say "watch this video for an explanation". :)

@loserspud4504 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video. I don't have autism, but my best friend does, and watching your videos helps me glimpse into his world. The three points mentioned here are things I observe both in my relationship with him, and in every other close friendship I have, it's just not something I've ever seen put into words. Thank you again!

@autumn.redhawke 3 жыл бұрын

I needed this today. I'm having a hard day with friends and emotions.

@isamarks7773 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video. I'm neurotypical, but your videos help me understand my autistic friends better, so hopefully now I can contribute more to keeping our relationships strong. 🙂 It's great to be able to learn from an Aspie point of view. Thank you!

@harikrishnanchandramohan4209 3 жыл бұрын

@Aspergers from the Inside. You have invested so much of your time and effort to aid our community. Your resources have been extremely beneficial to me on decoding many of our social norms. My respects.😀

@EricMeatlikeaking 4 жыл бұрын

I was always curious why people liked me so much. I was not very good at recognizing people genuinely trying to be my friend. I have so many great You Tube friends now :)

@hisnewlife3543 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Paul. Thank you for these friends videos. I need one! I am going to sign up for your video! Thank you,

@aradieschen4880 2 жыл бұрын

Wow thank you, this was really helpful. Your channel is awesome, I learned so much about things where I didn’t even know that there’s something to analyse and explain about.

@neon3690 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Paul for sharing that resource.

@sherrym5556 Жыл бұрын

Cool analogy, it's like getting a plant 🪴 connecting with certain people, after you have more things in common and history, the plant grows and needs a bigger pot. But also needs water n tending to make it grow and be rewarding for both. But sometimes it's only 1 person doing all the tending, after a while it either dies or you meet a new friend who absolutely loves your pot, your pot and loves gardening!... lmao 😆😉🙃👩‍🌾👨‍🌾🧑‍🌾👨‍🌾🫂🪴🌳🌱🌳🌲🌱🍄

@Marontyne 4 жыл бұрын

There's no such thing as a "work" friend or a "church" friend for me. A friend is a friend. It has taken me a long time to accept others don't believe the same thing and learn how to preserve relationships outside these circles. Appreciate the tips!

@peterwynn2169 3 жыл бұрын

I had the misfortune of dealing with a stupid doctor, who now claims to be a mental health specialist (fortunately, a number of other people are equally unimpressed with him) who proposed eight ridiculous ideas for friendship. Eye contact is not a necessity for friendship, and is particularly uncomfortable for us. What this organisation has said makes far more sense. Lasting friendships need more than just one thing in common for them to deepen and last. You give the analogy of the lunch room, and I say, I don't have any long-lasting friends from school, as yes, we went to the same school, but we weren't even friends at school. If I had a group of friends and we went our separate ways, but we reunited, even once a year, for a catch-up, that would be one thing.

@ameena6485 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this Paul

@zazenbo 2 жыл бұрын

helpful as always. Thank you so much!

@modbopbeatrewind3283 4 жыл бұрын

Really bad at making friends. Really good at being a freak.

@ruthiemay4799 4 жыл бұрын

ModBop Best That's OK. I'm 71 and just learned I'm an Aspiegirl! It answers all the questions I've had my whole life. I embrace it. I love it. I've always known I was different. That's OK with me. However I've been single for 50 years and Never had a loving nurturing relationship. I would like to have one of those. Just one.

@modbopbeatrewind3283 4 жыл бұрын

@@ruthiemay4799 The flipside is often only attracting abusers. I'm really good at it. These days I'm lonelier than ever. But I'll share this piece of a song with you: "Right in the palm of your hand is the soul of a man who can love you much better than anyone can."

@tigolbittys4997 Жыл бұрын

This explains why there’s a guy I somewhat dislike but we both have our favorite activity in common and keep bonding haha

@bumblebeebazaar4018 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@jasminemackinnon6941 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you This is helpful

@divinemercyisforall6984 3 жыл бұрын

thank you for your instructionsl videos. i have ocd-perfectionism mental issue amd i notice with myself many times there are certain things i just need instructions.

@rhian2033 4 жыл бұрын

I have one friend, that relationship is unfortunately fading.

@salvadoran_uwu 3 жыл бұрын

As all of the other ones.

@charlysjourney 4 жыл бұрын

Merci , in french , bonjour , i just discovered your Channel few days ago and i recognize myself so many Times , frenchy asperger hère

@BHndThBAR 4 жыл бұрын

Excited to hear your incite on this! I look forward to your videos, I recently have come to the self realization that I am on the spectrum and am having a hard time getting started pursuing an official diagnosis. (Really poor executive task management) I don’t have insurance and don’t know what to do, any input on how I should proceed? *I’m located in the U.S.

@tabitas.2719 4 жыл бұрын

Yo Samdy Sam just did a video on that exact question; just go to her channel, it's the most recent upload. All the best to you and your loved ones!

@BHndThBAR 4 жыл бұрын

Tabita S. Thank you!

@Mrs.Silversmith 4 жыл бұрын

You may want to see if any local churches might help you with the expenses. Many churches have a benevolence fund to help people in their community.

@BHndThBAR 4 жыл бұрын

Carole Smith thank you!

@mariuszwisla3230 2 жыл бұрын

A treasure hunt - I was doing it, only calling it ''probing''. It seems that is a small talk, and I abhor small talk, but apparently not that form of it.

@alex96licata 4 жыл бұрын

r there some exercises to improve social skills? i never know what to say

@SueLyons1 2 жыл бұрын

What sbout mental connections? They can be extremely diverse and extensive but do not necessarily call for anything beyond listening to one another; reflecting on and responding to the person's expressed thoughts... It is possible that an 'introvert' or quietly reflective person might have very different views to those you summarise from the book

@eveillanderson 4 жыл бұрын

a beginning

@Skoogmusic 4 жыл бұрын

We use music to connect people :)

@Keith_Mikell 3 жыл бұрын

That’s how I make friends. I have a few close ones and many acquaintances but I’m not that bad at making friends. I do prefer to be alone though. And I don’t date sexually. A partner yes, a lover, no.

@shoshanafox727 Жыл бұрын

So if you want to hang out and the "friend" says they will get back to you and then doesn't, what does that mean? What if they do that more than once? But they still act "friendly" over the internet? Baffed.

@featherpuke 4 жыл бұрын

39 hours :7((( :7)))))) this is okay

@sokawai5 Жыл бұрын

I used to have 6 friends but i wanted to just keep 1 So now i have 1. The rest werent the same as me no more. What they talked about was lame💩

@mateicaciula6958 2 жыл бұрын

i like the shape of your face

@Lichtkristall 4 жыл бұрын

My son (28) is Asperger. He studied Theology and History and is very smart and critical. I love to talk to him to get insights. However since Corona crises worldwide I am very concerned, because our governments worldwide ( I am from Germany) take away our human rights. There is no more danger, and propably never has been and our country continues to stay in Lock Down. Many people die because of the regulations, they do not get operations, they get ruined and kill themselves, children experience more violence etc......however my son feels the Government is doing the right thing, although I tell him all the facts. He wants to show solidarity, however I feel it is missplaced. I am very sad about this. In your view could this be because of his Asperger? Does he see things completely different and cannot believe that the Government is conciencesly taking away our human rights? Can you comment on that?

@jvance6 4 жыл бұрын

I don't have Autism and I agree with your son right now. This has nothing to do with Autism. Maybe you should talk to a counselor.

@tabitas.2719 4 жыл бұрын

I saw a lady on the tram wear a mask with "Diktatur" (dictatorship) written across it, but the point is, in a dictatorship she would not be able to do that! Also, no basic human rights are taken away; restricted, sure; to me these complaints show the luxury most of us usually live in. I loved Paul's (mostly humorous) video on the benefits of the Corona situation - I believe it was in March. I recommend that to any neurotypical ("normal person"); maybe it helps you see how difficult the world usually is for autistics. All the best and enjoy the discussions!

@modbopbeatrewind3283 4 жыл бұрын

@Things I LikeThey were suggesting help from a third party or maybe that they're a bit traumatized. It's only an insult if you take it that way.

@jvance6 4 жыл бұрын

@Things I Like I personally don't see how a global epidemic is or should be political. Believing that the only reason you adult child could have different reasoning than you, is because of his Asperger's. Is kind of demeaning to him. To me she sound like she has a lot of anxiety. I genuinely think she could benefit from having someone to talk to.

@christianknuchel 4 жыл бұрын

@Things I Like You mean, some people value *their* freedom more than *other* people's safety. It's correct that that has something to do with individual freedom, but it has very little in common with a free society. That strikes right at the core of the confused understanding of freedom that underpins right wing libertarianism.