3 Types of Breadcrumbing with Examples and Tips for Handling a Narcissist's Breadcrumbing

Рет қаралды 95,591

3 жыл бұрын

Breadcrumbing is a tool narcissists use to string people along, and you'll find it in various stages of a relationship with a narcissist. Ghosting is another common behavior that goes hand-in-hand with breadcrumbing. Other terms for breadcrumbing are leading you on or stringing you along. It's a highly narcissistic thing to do and we break down how it works, why it works and what to do about it.
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist

Пікірлер: 310

@iraidushka 3 жыл бұрын

Beeadcrumbing comes with intermittent reinforcement. A narcissist will give a little bit of attention and then pull away, making you confused, left alone, desperate for attention. If you “misbehave”, you will pay a dear price for that and won’t see narcissist for prolonged periods of times. Any perceived by them criticism towards them, failure on your part, any of your weaknesses, displayed emotions, worries, issues will be punished with silent treatment, verbal backlash, criticism, abrasiveness, meanness, followed by prolonged periods of narcissist’s absence from your life. This cruel sadistic game of push and pull, hot and cold, passive aggressive behavior leaves a person hurt, confused, demeaned, undermined, neglected. It becomes a battle for a narcissist’s partner to prove their worth to a narcissist. To prove their goodness and wholesomeness to a narcissist, who in turn will never appreciate you. Frankly, They don’t even give a hoot about you. Meanwhile, narcissist basks in their specialness and glory and grandiosity, while enjoying hurting and punishing their unsuspected victim. Know your worth people. Work on your self esteem and confidence. Understand, that everyone deserves healthy honest loving kind reciprocal relationships. Dumb the narcissist immediately and start healing your wounds. Never look back. N O CONTACT FOREVER! You deserve pure genuine love. Learn to Love yourselves! Learn to be by yourselves. Prayerfully, in time, Heavenly Father will make a provision to y’all’s for a deserving mate 🙏 Much love to everyone!

@sheilaprice1942 3 жыл бұрын

Irisha you wrote about with I experienced for 25 years 😏 The person I’m Married for 36 years played the silent treatment, breadcrumb me and withhold information from me at all times. I couldn’t tell anyone that he is a liar… he just made it a point NOT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING. He would NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR ANYTHING. If he did apologize it’s because you told him you wanted an apology and when he did the apologies they were FAKE🙄 To shut you up!! This person is a manipulator and they thrive on it. This person has WE know are psychotic but they play a game that can fool the best of us. I dealt with a neglectful Covert Narc. They are MASTER AT THE GAME. Blessings to you 🙏🏼💕

@herringandsc3523 3 жыл бұрын

Yes...

@Abstract.Serenity 3 жыл бұрын

So well said!

@kimtraa6307 2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Exactly this with Johan Koolstra from Amersfoort.

@SanctifiedLady 2 жыл бұрын

What a horrible illness to have. You comment was definitely better then the last 10 minutes of the video

@katewithat 3 жыл бұрын

Then once they know you've figured them out, they tell everyone how crazy you are....

@bumblebee803 2 жыл бұрын

And they keep acting like nothing is wrong.

@sgtmuffinbadger6147 2 жыл бұрын

This. Yes

@valb9963 2 жыл бұрын

Calling you crazy is projection, and you will lose yourself but will find out who your people are and who are frenamies

@Smalltummywonderful 2 ай бұрын

That actually sounds very familiar

@spaceheadlin888 Жыл бұрын

If a guy leaves you confused, throw the whole man away 🗑️🧑🏻‍🦱

@damiancitobarbanis7575 2 ай бұрын

Exactly! Same for a girl

@antoinetteb.3869 3 жыл бұрын

My former friend whom I believe is a covert narcissist would not be available to hang out with me, but would make sure to tell me that she had hung out with another friend. When I noticed this pattern of hers; I promptly reclassified her as a tier two friend and now I am very low contact with her. Life is way too short to put up with those games. Thanks for your always informative videos.

@hashh2019 2 жыл бұрын

Wow and similarly if i ever brought that up i was scolded with “i am allowed to be with other friends, arent I? Why dont you have a life or other friends- you cant expect to be with me all the time or i cant be with you all the time, ita unhealthy “ and i would be dumb- founded, lost for words and would feel like a clingy toxic person that has no life, isolating others from their friends.

@cherylthompson2731 2 жыл бұрын

It's called triangulation

@geraldfriend256 2 жыл бұрын

@@alegriart Exactly. Do not play second string for any team who would trade you off in a heartbeat

@dancinginthepurplereign4126 8 ай бұрын

I had a friend who did that too.

@Ang36914 7 ай бұрын

Although my friend is available whenever we make plans, she also never fails to tell me about her past or upcoming plans with other friends (one of whom used to be a mutual friend). When I told my friend that I felt left out of their plans and that it probably wasn't intentional on their part, she said it was these two friends that invited her. But this doesn't change the fact that she and this former mutual friend of mine could have at least considered inviting me at some point, especially seeing as the mutual friend and other friend of theirs ask about me. She consistently takes at least two weeks to text me back and yet I've seen her pull out her phone to look at text messages from others when we hang out. Actions definitely speak louder than words for me. Returning the same effort (not being as responsive or interested) has helped me take back control.

@brendakauffman2222 3 жыл бұрын

Sometimes their excuses really seem plausible, especially in the beginning. Bingo with the musical instruments. They really see us as something they own and can do with as they desire. They have a right to treat us the way they do when we don't do what they think we should because they see us as an appliance or possession.

@Ang36914 7 ай бұрын

Yes, like an appliance or possession without feelings. These types of people never consider our feelings and how we're impacted by their actions.

@louisegarner8888 3 жыл бұрын

Bread-crumbing is much like the silent treatment in many ways. Both offer inconsistent, random responses, gaslight, are non-reciprocal forms of insidious abuse that destroy trust and lead to cognitive dissonance and eventual self sabotage to your own detriment if you're unaware and buy into it. They've done studies on mice using a feeder device where mice happily played and ate from consistent feeds, got on with play with no feeds coming from that feeder but... with INCONSISTENT feeds the mice became hyper-focussed on the feeder stopped playing, mating, self neglected and got sick yet they stayed, fixated on the feeder. CONSISTENCY and RECIPROCITY are key to healthy relationships. It can hook you into believing there may actually be something in that gap between expectation and reality when there's nothing there. 🕳🦄🤺

@Isabelmaryj 3 жыл бұрын

This is a great comment thanks. Doesn't the dopamine spike when the rewards are inconsistent. We become addicts. So hard to break free..

@louisegarner8888 3 жыл бұрын

@@Isabelmaryj Thanks for your reply, I appreciate you saying that. Yes, I think is relates to activation of our sympathetic (alarm) CNS through ongoing stress, anxiety, etc., it can become stuck ON which causes abnormal regulation of catecholamine, serotonin, amino acid, peptide, and opioid neurotransmitters (which I'm guessing might relate to dopamine in the opioid one?), each of which is found in brain circuits that regulate/integrate stress and fear responses. You need to reactivate your parasympathetic (calm down) CNS, hopefully after removing yourself from the source of the trauma. I just know it's not fun to experience it and can take a long time to recover from as well. It pays to know our bodies do this to protect us so we need heed our intuition and gut reactions to guide us. God bless, I hope all's well with you and yours? xox 🙏💪💕🤗 🇦🇺✌️👋✨ ✨ ✨

@Isabelmaryj 3 жыл бұрын

@@louisegarner8888 Thanks I'm not an expert on the neurotransmitters so don't quote me on dopamine but I think it's to do with that keeping us on "go" as you say. Really interesting what you said there about needing to activate the calming CNS. I have experienced this in "real life" lately! I have a boss I work closely with in a care setting in his home - so it is like he is a family member in a way. Anyway he is very complimentary and gives intermittent praise and meaningful statements of connection but then is also very distant and abrupt. I have noticed my attraction to him even though I am angry at him and also consciously noting I don't like things about him! Our brains are so funny the way we can hold on to people we actively know are bad for us! Anyway I have found that when I go for a walk in nature and really let myself feel all the hurt that is activated when this person blanks me, I find that I can sink into the grief of other relationships hurting in that way too and I find I can let go of the person a bit more. So I notice using my own CNS helps me when I seemingly am stuck in these people-based addictions....

@louisegarner8888 3 жыл бұрын

@@Isabelmaryj Well you taught me something there as well, I was thinking it was more to do with noradrenaline and cortisol and thst dopamine and serotonin were more pleasure and calm types chemicals! "Dopamine is implicated in the regulation of fear conditioning and anxiety. In individuals with PTSD, there is a genetic component associated with dopamine metabolism that governs whether an individual develops PTSD as well as what symptoms they may display." ~ Psych Hub. At least we know now what's at play keeping us hooked into inconsistent people, situations and things. I think having good routines we're consistent with, getting out in nature, exercise, massage, chewing slowly as it relates to digestion as well, meditation, massages and breathing may be the top one. If you breathe in slow for 4 secs then hold 4 secs, breathe out slow for 4 secs then hold for 4 secs it helps reset your system and brain. I'm feeling dejavu in you saying that about the man you work with as I'm seeing patterns with others and have felt this myself at times so know exactly what you mean, it's like you see beneath and feel like there's something "off" as they're not holding true to form yet you're drawn to them at the same time. Veeery interesting indeed!! God bless, sending love, light and deep consistent peace your way xx 🙏💞

@Isabelmaryj 3 жыл бұрын

@@louisegarner8888 love and light to you too, very good advice about the routines and yes eating slowly thanks x

@annesherrod6009 3 жыл бұрын

I just got out of a relationship, I was dumped, but a blessing... he was a professional at bread crumbing. Always throwing out vacation plans , etc.. to only never ever follow through.. wow, he was a narc... I thought I knew Narcs, but there are many types. The bomb was the epic discard .

@dclarke1896 Жыл бұрын

Thank you! This was so helpful! I was dating a guy who was breadcrumbing me for 2 years! Before that, I was in a situationship with a covert narcissist who was extremely emotionally abusive and triangulated me constantly! My self-esteem was destroyed. The breadcrumb guy would act sympathetic and understanding and would express that he wanted to spend time with me. We would make arrangements he would even confirm and then would not show up. When I talked to him about it, he would gaslight me and then do it again. He had me in tears, wondering why he was doing this. Fast forward to the present day. I'm not angry. I am just done with people who think it's OK to treat me this way . My healing journey has allowed me to detach from thoughts, feelings, and situations that do not serve me. Doing this has made me feel a lot happier. 😊 Thank you for your amazing videos! ❤

@reneehyslip4549 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience. 😢❤

@claudiawaid5532 3 жыл бұрын

I heard someone say “The one who loves their partner LESS has the MOST power in the relationship” 😳

@oompaloompa9139 3 жыл бұрын

Healthy relationships aren't about power

@travis6694 3 жыл бұрын

@@oompaloompa9139 amen to that

@warriorwoman5422 3 жыл бұрын

I had a lady tell me a long time ago to always marry a man that loves me more than I love him. I’m 52 now and married once and separated from a narc. It made my soul hurt when she told me that but now I understand it’s about not being left or controlled. Not the way I want to love personally but I get it.

@margaritales9972 2 жыл бұрын

@@oompaloompa9139 yes, 100% this.

@bumblebee803 2 жыл бұрын

@Claudia Waid - Amen sister!

@dawnemile4974 3 жыл бұрын

Always craving a relationship is a weakness that most women have to overcome. Only have relationships with people you know you can trust not someone you just met. So many people are like fish that get hooked on the bait when they hardly know the person. They are not a relative.

@sarahvministry 2 жыл бұрын

True

@salmac.7622 2 жыл бұрын

That was me. I'm trying to change

@pointsbeingmade7996 2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@jellybean6778 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, very important. So much heartache from getting too close, too soon before you can know them a better. Narcs keep it superficial, but they will go deep fast to hook you. Don't fall for it.

@veronikisart 2 жыл бұрын

I agree miss Dawn

@pearlsbeforeswine60 2 жыл бұрын

Gambling, especially slots, is built on this premise. Intermittent rewards are very addicting and seductive.

@angelamwatts 9 ай бұрын

I had a friend who hung out with me until someone else came into the picture. We would always reconnect at some point but the breadcrumbing happened all of time. I finally got the message and simply stopped communicating with her. I'm not angry at her, I just don't want to waste my time on someone who behaves that way. I've moved on.

@MsChantae 7 ай бұрын

I never knew breadcrumbing occurred in friendships. Always related them to romantic relationships

@angelamwatts 7 ай бұрын

@MsChantae Breadcrumbing absolutely occurs in friendships. Surely you know the "friend" who only calls you when they need you for something. Suddenly, they've become attentive to the non-existent friendship that you two share. They want to get together, catch up, and hang out. So you two get together and then they vanish for a few months or a year and only appear when it's time to invite you to a wedding, baby shower, etc or they need a favor from you. They're definitely out there.

@MsChantae 7 ай бұрын

@@angelamwatts thank you for replying

@SnowLeopardForever Ай бұрын

I had a friend who did that to me also.

@angelamwatts Ай бұрын

@SnowLeopardForever These people are not really friends. Some of these type of people mean well but just have a lot going on and others are just plain users. I would advise to ditch the users. As for the well-meaning acquaintances, I would just consider them to be just that; acquaintances. If the acquaintance invites you to a wedding, baby shower, graduation, or whatever requires a gift, I would be polite and spend the appropriate bare minimal amount for a gift but no more. Don't go out of your way to show that you care for people who basically treat you indifferent. This is a very hard lesson that I learned later on in life. There have been so many times that I over gave and it simply led to rejection. 😔

@kconnolly6763 3 жыл бұрын

“You don’t know who the real person is…You don’t know which version to trust.” Oh my, I have said these things. Wow.

@bumblebee803 2 жыл бұрын

To be honest, I didn't know who I was either. Healing is revealing!

@bettymahoney2692 2 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@ebonypierce5976 2 жыл бұрын

My mom's a narc and I've been displaying the same behaviors towards my husband. This information is helping me grow into a better woman and out of the bullshit. Thank you 💕

@patriciadl3979 2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!!! Keep it up!! You WILL succeed, just be patient. Learning to love without fear or shame is AWESOME 🌻💚🙌

@Ssssssmmmmmmmmm Жыл бұрын

Great on you for recognizing your behavior and wanting to grow from that. All the best at being a better person and spouse. ♥️

@PeaceDayCortez 2 жыл бұрын

I would like to point out that the word “narcissist” always denotes a person who we think is “mean” per say. However, some are very “nice” and “charming”. They will maintain this nice charming demeanor indefinitely thus confusing you longer. It leads the victims to think no one that nice and charming could possibly be a narcissist. To me these types are extremely dangerous to your mental health and emotions. Our mind is built to find the danger, these types slid under your radar making it very difficult to know you’re in their snare until you’re too deeply involved and it’s way too late. I dated a guy like this for 4 years. It wasn’t until I understood I was being breadcrumb and got away that I realized he was a “nice” type narcissist. Be vigilant. If it’s not adding up but they’re “so nice”, that’s your instincts telling you this person is still dangerous to you regardless of their temperament. This is not to confuse an overt narcissist with a covert narcissist. The “nice” narcissist can be either overt or covert. The “nice narcissist” is just another level to a narcissist. Be wise and stay safe.

@tylerpace6517 Жыл бұрын

If he was nice, what was the problem?

@manapeace Жыл бұрын

The problem with nice narcs is they are incapable of perceiving others as equals. They MUST remain superior or it causes a narcissistic injury. They see other humans more like toys that get put back on the shelf once they get bored.

@ladybird491 11 ай бұрын

Narcissist are never mean until they can't abuse you and you stand up to them. No one is saying they straight up mean.

@beo4854 2 жыл бұрын

(18:30) I will simply say, "sorry I am not available today," even if I have no plans. It is an honest response that doesn't require that I have a plan.

@sarahvministry 2 жыл бұрын

I have so many "friends" at work like this. They only reach out when they need something from me.

@gloriastroedecke2717 3 жыл бұрын

Your guitar metaphor was very eerie for me. A musician "friend" did this to me about seven years ago. I couldn't tell if we were friends or something more. It drove me nuts. Obviously, now I know I meant nothing to him. Didn't realize this "thing" that he did had a name. I felt stupid, but realized shortly afterwards that other people have had these weird semi-courtship/seductions that go nowhere and amount to nothing. I started hearing stories all over the place from people that this had happened to them!!!

@Isabelmaryj 3 жыл бұрын

I hate the way we end up feeling stupid or ashamed as you say, but this is our brains' chemistry and we are not really in control of our reactions to people. But as we wise up as you say, and see the bigger picture, we can hopefully give ourselves a break and actively choose to go towards the consistent people..

@satinsheree 3 жыл бұрын

It's making a big difference to be able to put a name to these behaviors. I think now, I don't havebto struggle so much trying to make sense of it since it is now named. I can just call it what it is and move on to the next thing. I don't know if it's just me or what. Naming this "thing" was right on time for me. I'm so thankful

@tylerpace6517 Жыл бұрын

Maybe he was going slow and decided you were not for him? As far as others, maybe he is picky

@michaelmcmurray5016 10 ай бұрын

I have been dating a woman that I am deeply in love with for 2 1/2 years. She's broken up with me three times. Over the years I wanted to travel with her take on vacations. It was always maybe or in a month but it never happened. She complains frequently about narcissistic men. She goes far to say 25% of all men are narcissistic. Maybe she's a narcissist. I don't want her to be. I asked her breadcrumbing. She said she wasn't aware of that. I'm bringing this up because I've taught myself a lesson no matter how I love. I may think I am. I need to pay attention to negative signals. Thank you for your presentation.

@nryane 3 жыл бұрын

The toxic ex would periodically come up to me and compliment, saying “I don’t always acknowledge how much you do.” My first instinct was to think “What do you want now?” When I look back on these incidents, I realize that they were “breadcrumbing” of the greatest measure!!! It wasn’t too long after the latest breadcrumb incident that I left!!! Thanks for this video.

@monicaperez2843 3 жыл бұрын

Growing up, both my parents "breadcrumbed" me. Bent over backwards to make them happy. And they still said I always did what I wanted to do. Grew up a very confused child to adult.

@margaritales9972 2 жыл бұрын

My narc ex told me this, when I had fallen out with my narc sister: "Don't worry, she'll come back to you when she needs something." Of course, he was a master of that too.

@bumblebee803 2 жыл бұрын

It's when they hoover you back is when the biggest BS starts, and they think they're so smug when they do it. Not falling for it ever again, from anyone!

@weruleyoudrool Жыл бұрын

My ex wanted me to thank him for doing the bare minimum of being a man. Lmao.

@nryane Жыл бұрын

@@weruleyoudrool Yep. “Minimum” is the correct word! When he wanted something, he would go all out to impress someone. Once he got what he wanted, there was no appropriate follow up, regarding promises made. My experience, exactly.

@JesusIsTheWay.Truth.Life. 3 жыл бұрын

I just happen to know the king of breadcrumbing. He loves to string me along. Now I have no contact after almost 4 years of this chaos and head games.

@CommonEgo 3 жыл бұрын

No contact is a good way put an end to breadcrumbing ❤🙏

@rp1645 3 жыл бұрын

Dreene, just asking why did it take 4 years. I will listen if you want to say something to me. Just asking why did you put up with it. Was it security, no where else to go. Ect Just asking again just want to hear your story. Thank you. Only open up to me if you feel safe.

@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers 3 жыл бұрын

@@rp1645 I stayed for 8 years. Afraid to go it alone with little kids and .... breadcrumbing.

@rp1645 3 жыл бұрын

@@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers You are a strong person. I don't think I could have done what you did, staying that is. Your bond to your children is STRONGER than your own self health. Don't ever forget that. My boy get him in Sylvan Learning center. Three students to one teacher. They work manly on child skill development problems. My boy turned very successful, at least that's what I think. Keep your bond tight with your kids, even after you had straight to Leave a power tripper, control freak.

@Missmurderxx69 2 жыл бұрын

Don’t be like me I’m 9 years in and just regret it all.

@LeBronJames-yr8ku 3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you continue making content. This topic you could spend years speaking about, and when you were finished you'd still need 1,000 years to tell the rest of the story.

@livinggood6876 2 жыл бұрын

In my experience this behavior is often coupled with financial abuse. Beware ladies.

@sgtmuffinbadger6147 2 жыл бұрын

My GF does this

@dinab7852 10 ай бұрын

AMEN

@jeffward24 Жыл бұрын

Great video, thank you. Breadcrumbing by a Covert Narcissist wife is a real thing as well. And extremely painful, especially when the Discard comes.

@rheasavin3722 Жыл бұрын

Enjoyed your video. I've been involved with a narcissist who lovebombed me, loved to play games by pushing my buttons and breadcrumbing me. I've been discarded by this individual. I'm in the process of trying to regain my morals and self respect back. It's a hard road because I think about this person pretty nonstop and feel powerless against him. He still has control.

@reneehyslip4549 9 ай бұрын

Exact same happened to me.. i was love bombed then after he got me the head games started.. he would then start to make plans but the ones on the weekends would always fall thru. But anytime during the week worked out .. after going mia the last weekend i never returned his call or text… it’s not us they just need lots of supply.. they can’t love.

@margaritales9972 2 жыл бұрын

At work bosses can also indirectly breadcrumb you and play hard to please. Then you go beyond your call of duty to please them. I had a boss once who made me believe that if I accepted doing managerial tasks more and more, then I'd get promoted. Guess what, I wasn't. Then one day, when they asked me to do yet another managerial task, I told them, "oh I'd love to do that, but it's not in my line of responsibility, that's a managerial responsibility". I got the promotion shortly after. I don't know if this would work in all circumstances, but it worked for me that time.

@sarahvministry 2 жыл бұрын

I used to say yes to everything thinking it would get me promoted. It didn't and it just burned me out and sucked all the joy and peace out of me. I've been setting boundaries at work. Haven't been promoted yet but I'm happier.

@Jaxxon123 3 жыл бұрын

The most disrespectful thing is when a narcissist borrows money and breadcrumb you paying it back.

@mystickarma5548 2 жыл бұрын

Or NEVER pay back cuz your back together and their debt is wiped clean in their eyes

@weruleyoudrool Жыл бұрын

@@mystickarma5548 Or they only reach out to you when they need something. Like they can’t just have friends, just supply they need something from! I talk to ppl because I like my friends and want to know their opinions and hear their laughter! Like wtf!

@BashayG7175 3 ай бұрын

I'm still waiting on my $160 😂😂

@livfreeali1481 3 жыл бұрын

The ones who disliked the video must be guilty of this. As if life revolves around them

@athaisdubaie852 2 жыл бұрын

My sister breadcrumbed me in an email saying, "I've made a lot of changes, but you wouldn't see those changes because you never call me". I laughed. Hard. Because, at this point, I knew she was a narcissist and would never change. And I loved the way she requested for me to call her. I didn't fall for either of these things. What you may not see as breadcrumbing, like this, may actually be breadcrumbing.

@heiseili9279 Жыл бұрын

To be fair, some people do and can change and thats a pretty plausible statement to make.. doesnt strike me as breadcrumbing

@jessicacoleman9509 Жыл бұрын

Wow so grateful for this comment. I am actually going through this type frequently. Almost verbatim. I didn't see it for what it was

@FirehorseG 11 ай бұрын

I see it more as baiting.

@sarahford5532 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your informative videos! I am struggling so hard…been hoovered over and over. And have been no contact for a few days now. He has his out of town supply over this weekend. One of his many. The psychological abuse is outstanding! These individuals stop at nothing. He has bought me jewelry, told this other women he bought her a ring (turns out it was his best friend’s ring and he never gave her anything), he future fakes, etc. I am done. I hate this situation and I know I am trauma bonded but I can break this. Your videos keep me sane.

@---nj7hl 3 жыл бұрын

Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of self-help, self-care, grounding helps and God has Always been there for me. I do walks, hikes, running, gym, and am Good as New!!! Don't isolate yourself. Get out there and do You. May God continue to give you Strength & Protection.

@gailfelice-cassas8136 3 жыл бұрын

I just started a new relationship and he would only see me on the weekdays and he disappeared on the weekends. He would again re-emerge on Tuesday and asked me out on the weekdays. I just plainly said weekends work better for me what do you think and as I guessed he was doing projects or some thing else on the weekend and just couldn’t get together. I said oh well we’ll try another weekend. I cornered him and stopped his narcissistic behavior in its tracks. Thank you

@catlady6938 3 жыл бұрын

He’s probably married.

@gailfelice-cassas8136 3 жыл бұрын

Or living with someone for sure I agree

@carineii6747 2 жыл бұрын

Weekends are for the wife. Maybe even for the wife AND the kids! Good riddance. You dodged a bullet!

@damiancitobarbanis7575 2 ай бұрын

Well done!

@LuvBritTV 3 жыл бұрын

Perception is everything!

@mickadatwist1620 3 жыл бұрын

Narcissisms is a highly sophisticated method of managing people.....and your inner childhood hurt.

@alexandrapuerie810 3 жыл бұрын

True because the narc I let go of always talked about how he was treated as a child and how he would never let go of that hurt and how he would never forgive even after his mother passed away he said he still can't forget her for how she treated him and he said he definitely can't forgive his dad for how he treated him so he's walking around you know taking it out on everybody with a chip on his shoulder and he's highly sophisticated art that think he knows how to manage everything in his life when he's so full of pain

@mickadatwist1620 3 жыл бұрын

@@alexandrapuerie810 how can you forgive someone who has no insight let alone able to say sorry?

@alexandrapuerie810 3 жыл бұрын

@@mickadatwist1620 forgiveness takes a lot of courage it's not easy to forgive but forgiving a narcissist puts them at the bottom they hate for you to say I forgive you they really want you dead inside and totally depending on him or her while him or her walks all over you taking care of yourself and living right is the biggest weapon against narcissist you don't have to forgive but you better not forget

@bumblebee803 2 жыл бұрын

It's also the healing to get healthy that hurts. A crappy hurtful life from dysfunction. Urghh!

@goodtimesbadtimes5273 2 жыл бұрын

@@alexandrapuerie810 it’s partly true, but it that kinda family dynamic you explained could also lead to codependency as a child look a Will Smith wanting to kill his dad, he’s not a narcissist, his wife is a total narcissist. NPD is partially genetic pre-disposition, then the hostile situations lead to narcissistic personality disorder on the other hand a child doesn’t have genetic predisposition those kids with hostile family dynamic they grow up with codependency or other self esteem issues etc

@rosettesionne9139 3 жыл бұрын

Some people with avoidant attachement style may also behave this way and it makes it really more confusing... they really want to be in a relationship but they are afraid of commitment and when the other partner want to advance further in the relationship their social anxiety reappear and they will back up in the last minute through ghosting or cancellation of plans not because they want to control or manipulate but because they are just scared of intimate relationship

@CommonEgo 3 жыл бұрын

Good point. Other things may make it seem like breadcrumbing, and that's why talking it out is a good first step. 🙏❤

@nonamejenkins3293 3 жыл бұрын

I think I'm in a situation with someone like that too. He says he doesn't want a relationship and I respect this, but he wants to spend a lot of time with me and be close to me, and he works on himself a lot too. He's a genuinely nice person. But as soon as it gets too close for his comfort, he establishes some distance again. I was wondering if he's breadcrumbing me, but my gut tells me he isn't, and I can usually listen well to my gut. I'm not sure if I should get some distance to him for my own emotional protection or if I stay in this situation and wait until he gets more comfortable with me, because this has already happened, but very slowly. Also, I think I'm not good with intimacy either, otherwise I don't think I would put in the effort with someone who's not completely available. It's confusing. (Thanks for letting my hijack your comment, it just fit so well with my situation)

@monicaperez2843 3 жыл бұрын

@@nonamejenkins3293 Please see a therapist for *yourself* not both of you. Try to take a deep breath and take a step back for one or two weeks so that your head can clear.

@theantt21 6 ай бұрын

I have an avoidant attachment style I don’t like how I am sometimes but when you been emotionally neglected, abandoned and ghosted many times in life it gets tough to get too close to people.

@emilynorris371 2 жыл бұрын

This is such an accurate description of what happens. I had someone do this to me... EXACTLY as described. Such an awful thing to do to a person.

@michellegirau8136 8 ай бұрын

The wrost is when breadcrumbing comes after a year of feeling love and warmth then that feeling happens here and there. It can cause so much confusion.

@angelm6497 Жыл бұрын

I've had many bosses that dangled the non existent promotion carrot. It's sad when being good at your job is a barrier to promotion. I've had several colleagues who have also taken credit for my hard work. One of the reasons I left corporate and became self employed or financially independent.

@Jade.prxncess 3 жыл бұрын

Just realized I’ve been being breadcrumbed for over 2 years now 💀

@sheilaprice1942 3 жыл бұрын

You are awesome!! Just a blessing to ALL of who hear your wisdom. Your voice and demeanor tells me you know what you’re talking about and you are healing yourself along with the community. You are LIGHT🙏🏼💕 Continued success in all you do. Blessings 🥰

@thewaywardtrio 3 жыл бұрын

Christina yikes you are an oracle! Wisdom is a lady! Thanks

@positivemindset4004 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video and it really shed some light on past and current situations that are going on in my relationships with friends and work.

@ianclickner390 3 жыл бұрын

Glad this video showed up in my feed today

@carolinanoriega3813 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the great info!

@emmagibson9476 3 жыл бұрын

I really enjoy your content. Your insight is inspiring and amazing. Thanks!

@akalocinski 3 жыл бұрын

Very good stuff. Thank you, you are literally an answered prayer. I posted this too see above next post- wanted to share- yes this is right in-line with gaslighting. So perfect. I can check each one off.

@psb12121 3 жыл бұрын

Relatively new subscriber. Thank you for these videos.

@herringandsc3523 3 жыл бұрын

Intermittent reenforcement...

@DatDyme980 2 жыл бұрын

Very well spoken, informative and clear video.

@demontrader1222 Жыл бұрын

This is one of the best presentations on breadcrumbing. Saved.

@rebeccafelscia 3 ай бұрын

Christeena I really all your content and inputs over these topics. It’s truly helpful. You are so different and insightful. I have been following you regularly for more than a year now. Love your solutions. It’s so doable and workable. Thanks for showing us the path.

@mjh7609 3 ай бұрын

Excellent, absolutely excellent. You affirmed this to be a common, non-commital tactic with narcissists and other highly manipulative people and how to concisely deal with it. Many thanks for this video.

@charliedassaro5351 2 жыл бұрын

Love this.....Thank you.

@roxypena8028 2 жыл бұрын

Please 🙏 make us more videos I love how you clearly explain everything in so much detail ! Blessings

@christopheralexander2485 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent articulation ma'am

@vincentruffo5948 2 жыл бұрын

Really enjoyed this video, searching for videos on the topic overwhelming its when “he” is bread-crumbing you. Nice to find a more neutral video. After all, women bread crumb to.

@conniefroeber3806 2 жыл бұрын

Your videos are always so great, easy to understand. They Validate the feelings that I've had but didn't know how to put into words. They Validate that what I've been feeling isn't just in my head! It's taken me almost 10 yrs to finally break off this 'relationship'. The bread crumbing got my hopes up over and over! This teaching is So right on target. I guess first of all the need for 'love' was so strong I was willing to put up with it. Second, I had been in a 36 yr marriage so I really had no idea there were men like this who used women with no thought to how how it affected or hurt them. Third, I really had NO clue, I was so naive to the ways of the real world that it never entered my mind that there was someone else. In fact at one time there were FIVE someone else's. But even then I went back after a year apart. But of course it was never good again, but it still took me a long time to say there's NOTHING here. Move On! It took me even longer to 'fall out of love' with him & not feel that twinge in my heart at the thought of him. Thank you for helping me on my journey to Freedom and for helping me to realize that what I was feeling and suspecting wasn't 'all in my head'. God Bless you and prosper you.

@alexismello8735 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent information and advice.

@reneehyslip4549 9 ай бұрын

Your Videos are saving lives!!!!!

@diannerussell9653 2 жыл бұрын

It’s appalling to think that people use people as a commodity as a thing.I would rather have somebody ghost me for eternity then to do this despicable act of bread crumbing

@2008LadyLaura 3 жыл бұрын

Know your worth and what's worth it to you!!! Who hoo thanks for this video❤

@abdulrashidyakub9622 3 жыл бұрын

*Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him**

@nina-ph4bd Жыл бұрын

Excellent video thank you so much

@spaceowl5957 5 ай бұрын

I just wanted to say thanks for these videos! I've developed a strong interest in watching KZfaq videos about narcissism and the ones by Common Ego are by far the best in my opinion. With many other videos on narcissism I feel like they promote an ugly, black and white view of the situation. They make me paranoid that everyone might be a narcissist and they promote hatred towards those with narcissism. I think in contrast to that, your videos offer a lot of real insight, nuance and wisdom, and an attitued that I feel is conducive to healing, understanding, and coming to terms with things.

@ethanadam5745 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so very much. Very insightful. I wish that I could talk to you briefly about my situation privately.

@dinab7852 10 ай бұрын

I watch a lot of your videos several times to keep sane and to lower my anxiety with your amazing insight and extremely soothing voice. All your videos describe my ex-husband who is hovering and breadcrumbing me after the discard.

@robfreyer Жыл бұрын

I have lived this. And now exhibit these traits with her. I’m a fool for loving her-I know. She wants me as a third tier friend- I always tell her I care too strongly too share her. And she then bread crumbs me… I bread crumb her back. Ugh. She then has an intimate relationship with someone-for a week or longer. Then back to me. Ugh. Enter the spin cycle again. Hope has been a blind spot. And eventually I know I will quit her. (The memories are so good!) I simply need to accept it doesn’t work.

@kamillaerdos7636 Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@susieq2334 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you💖This is very helpful.

@abdulrashidyakub9622 3 жыл бұрын

*Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him*

@abdulrashidyakub9622 3 жыл бұрын

*+2*3*4*9*0*1*9*0*2*1*2*0*2*

@biba350 3 жыл бұрын

Breadcrumbing in a long term relationship when your partner avoids give you a straight yes or no answer is this Breadcrumbing

@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers 3 жыл бұрын

I think what you're describing is "stonewalling"?

@monicaperez2843 3 жыл бұрын

Breadcrumbing is intermittent mild reinforcement, to capture the person is willing to work for more.

@biba350 3 жыл бұрын

@@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneers and why do people do stonewalling

@MaileyMcAslan 3 жыл бұрын

@@biba350 because information is power.

@dancinginthepurplereign4126 8 ай бұрын

That's actually stonewalling.

@satinsheree 3 жыл бұрын

Honestly, I think you are one of my blessings. I know things are not right and have not been for a very long time. It is only until recently that the pieces have started coming together. And still, I will I sit and I beg to understand, then your videos pop up and I'm like duh🤦🏽‍♀️... that's what I been feeling, I knew it, just couldn't piece it myself. And it keeps happening. Thank you so much!!

@pointsbeingmade7996 3 жыл бұрын

Its so foreign to me to have a backup without caring for that person the least. Its so sick. My boss did this to me. My dad too. My ex.

@satinsheree 3 жыл бұрын

It's sad this type of thing happens

@monicaperez2843 3 жыл бұрын

My parents and older brothers did it to me.

@faithpatrickshiva8617 2 жыл бұрын

You are the best . I love u maam

@Itsraininben 3 жыл бұрын

Could you do a video about borderline personality disorder and narcissism?

@sannajohanna5579 2 жыл бұрын

Isn’t it amazing how much better the same wine tastes when drinking it with friends than alone? 😀😂

@craigmerkey8518 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent information! This sums up my "social" and a lot of professional experiences in Los Angeles. People's emotional maturity is approximately 12. Very very frustrating!

@CommonEgo 3 жыл бұрын

It is frustrating, especially when it's more than one person. I think as a society, we seem to be getting more shallow. But now we know the dangers of accepting this kind of behavior 🙏❤

@mikesmith6594 5 күн бұрын

This video resinates with my life thanks youtube my father acts like this very breadcrumby, plus gaslighting, manipulation, double standards, hypocritical behavior, bullying, neglect, silent treatment oh yes they only call or text when they want or need something.

@BigPete44 3 жыл бұрын

Hey Christina!! I hope you had a great 4th of July weekend! Looking quite gorgeous! 😂😉😍🙏❤️🇺🇸

@CommonEgo 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Pete! It was nice but a little rainy. Hope you had a good one ❤🙏

@amelittaberretta9109 2 ай бұрын

Years of stress due your cruel games, cannot be put into words.

@chilloften 2 жыл бұрын

Hi honey!! Have sweet day. Always enjoy learning. 🔥🌹

@mikesegovia6315 2 жыл бұрын

God you are definitely correct and as I have been blessed I have been patient with meeting anyone else and I pray that I will be available for your help today in God's name I pray for a better life and a solid women that wants to travel and grow old together in God's name Amen

@mikyl-fo8rh Жыл бұрын

A healthy relationship is easy. If your's is not, well then...

@nightmareoracle 3 жыл бұрын

Ty🌼

@angelm6497 Жыл бұрын

I've had a few friends that I've felt have kept me isolated from social groups for their own ends. I'm not a demanding friend and happy to meet up once in a while. When you have a family and a business it gets difficult to find space for much else. I've now realised that to my detriment there is a need to ensure you find space for this. My long term friend ditched me after her mother died. I felt she often used me for gifts and a place to put her head when she fe out with her mum and other bff. In terms of gifts she always got back much more than she and her mother gave out. I believe they both did this to many people. Then I also wondered if it was because I didn't drop everything and run to the hospital the night she told me her mother was dying. I had a young child I couldn't leave alone at 10pm, also due to disability I had taken medication, sedatives, that meant I not only couldn't drive but it wasn't really safe for me to leave home. I find people generally don't understand the restrictions of disability and would rather take offense. Anyway she chose to end a 20 year friendship and that was the first year in 20 years I didn't feel used or offended at Christmas. It was actually nice not to have my day spoilt by the gifts she'd given me. It's amazing how upsetting it is that someone you see as family doesn't care enough to give a gift that is something you like or would use. It was always 2nd hand car boot sale trash which most of the time had no relevance to me at all and went in the bin. The only reason it was bought was it was cheap and looked like a lot. Gift giving for her own gratification. I remember one year giving her a hand knotted pearl necklace. It was quite a trendy coloured pearl necklace. She gave me a plastic junk jewellery necklace. I'd also bought her a watch with sapphires and a leather strap, sapphire being her favourite gem stone. She dropped lead balloon hints that she wanted another one but I couldn't afford to replace it. I'd be lucky if the ratio of value of her gifts was 10% of what she gave. Happy to be offended if the value of the gifts fell and happy to note how upset she was should someone suggest that the gift she'd given was crap. I was brought up to show gratitude and the saying it's the thought that counts. I'd say now that the lack of thought also counts and can be quite hurtful and upsetting when it becomes clear someone just doesn't care.

@tarsheilamathews7697 5 ай бұрын

Gratitude

@SnowLeopardForever Ай бұрын

That study you mentioned about the more selective dating profiles being more attractive. ONLY INSECURE PEOPLE would be attracted to those profiles. As a secure person, I would INSTANTLY see those profiles as being closed minded people who are difficult. People who are not flexible nor open minded, and difficult, I would avoid them. INSECURE PEOPLE are looking for someone “special” to make them feel special also and in their insecure mind they think winning over a difficult (“selective” profile/person) person would make them special, boost their ego, quell their insecurity. No, not me, as soon as I realize someone is difficult, it turns me off; I want nothing to do with them. And the wine bottle/price test/study JUST REVEALED WHO IS SHALLOW. Those people who thought they were picking the most expensive wine were just caught up in the idea of consuming a better tasting wine because it’s more expensive. I have never been like that. I learned a long time (as a kid) ago NEVER judge a book by its cover.

@naseemm2930 3 жыл бұрын

My ex was in love with a lesbian the whole time we were together. He left me for her when she decided she wanted to get pregnant with his baby. By then, we already had one baby and I was pregnant with his 2nd baby. The red flags were always there, but I chose to ignore them for 7 years.

@satinsheree 3 жыл бұрын

So sorry for you going through that. Hopefully you can now be thankful for being out of that relationship and not still being unlovingly strung along. You deserve better than to be there

@pointsbeingmade7996 3 жыл бұрын

Just wow the 10 dollar thing so true.

@JaniceMC4 3 жыл бұрын

In my relationship with narc. He expects me to pay all the household expenses while he keeps all his money. Gets to point I explode. I shouldn't have to spend all that I earn while he keeps all his. So each time he gives just a tiny bit more. Little bread crumbs like he may one day pay an actual part of the Bill's. Like he tries to give as little as possible in an effort to keep my mouth shut about it.

@janetstonerook4552 3 жыл бұрын

Why do you stay if you know he is always going to treat you this way? It sounds exhausting trying to a weedle just a wee bit more from him. I speak from experience.

@dancinginthepurplereign4126 8 ай бұрын

That's financial abuse

@kathiewippel7551 2 жыл бұрын

My question is this. Does a narcissist ever become impatient when their backhanded bread crumbing and lovebombing is not working??

@bettymahoney2692 2 жыл бұрын

Good question

@cor3944 Жыл бұрын

No, they start looking for another victim.

@AnimosityIncarnate Жыл бұрын

If they have other personality disorders or problems yes, they definitely will. But not if it's pure Narcissism

@ladybird491 11 ай бұрын

Yes they do, when the new fuel is not done being really hooked.

@socalautisticman1975 2 жыл бұрын

BREAD CRUMBING !!!!!!!!! That's a new one to me ; by name that is !!!!!! They've done that to me. I was careful. One is tired of living in fantasy but they still live in illusion LMBO

@slimlittle2827 9 ай бұрын

By the time it started i prefered to have as little contact with the person as possible.😊

@renfourty 2 жыл бұрын

i didn’t even know i was doing this

@fleep9008 3 жыл бұрын

Temptation comes in MANY Forms. And in a spectrum of levels

@booradley0x0 9 ай бұрын

I told the baker and his breadcrumbs to leave me alone.

@YOURRAINBOWBRIDGE1111 2 жыл бұрын

DID TALK ABOUT IT MORE THAN ONCE AND EACH TIME GOT TOTAL DENIAL TOLD I A CRAZY -- BAD TREATMENT STAYED THE SAME WE BECAME BUSINESS PARTNERS BEFORE THE BREAKUP NOT ABLE TO LEAVE THE BUSINESS - IT WILL BE SUCCESSFUL AND WE BOTH KNOW IT HE IS LIVING IN ANOTHER STATE AND WE BOTH ACKNOWLEDGE WE FEEL THE SOUL LOVE I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT HIM - BUT I WILL NEVER BE STUPID ENOUGH TO ALLOW US TO GET BACK TOGETHER AND PUT UP WITH HIS EXTREME ABUSE EVER AGAIN I FEEL HE IS MENTALLY - EMOTIONALLY - AND SPIRITUALLY ILL WE CAN BE IN BUSINESS BUT IT WILL NEVER AGAIN BE MORE THAN THAT APPRECIATE YOUR PRESENTATIONS NAMASTE

@ladybird491 11 ай бұрын

Married narcs breadcrumb and family members who are narcs do as well.

@sannajohanna5579 2 жыл бұрын

I jad exactly this kind of a boss! Fortunately, I had learned about breadcrumbing and I knew at once what she is doing! Yak. Well, I am still in that job but my contract ends soon! I think she still thinks that I’ll stay after she had sent me some candy boxes. Oh, no!

@Katrica670 2 ай бұрын

@2:37 even a day is too much if you known the person for years

@marcwilson368 3 жыл бұрын

My narc father loves to Breadcrumb and Future Fake

@pammattern3128 2 жыл бұрын

What is future fake?

@stevenkovler5133 10 ай бұрын

I feel terrible, I feel like my Trauma Bond had me breadcrumb my estranged wife. I kept acting , and believing that I wanted to cancel the divorce and save the marriage . Now that the divorce is imminent and I am going through with it , I feel like I bread crumbed her. I am sick to my stomach. I ended up one year into the marriage ( 2 years ago) coming down with severe anxiety and depression. I was also financially broken by her. All My therapists agreed I need to move on. One kept telling me that I was lying to my wife, that I needed to be honest with her. I was to trauma bonded and I was so physically and sexually attracted to her. She was much younger then me and quite beautiful. She knew as did I that she could find a new man within a week of us divorcing. That kept me jealous and bonded .