I tried rehab. I tried clinics. I tried jail. I tried giving up my phone for a month. I tried/trying suboxon. I tried moving in with my grandma for a all natural vitamin rehab. I tried kratom. I tried antidepressants. I tried social drinking. I tried smoking just weed. I’ve tried it all and the one thing I can say I KNOW that works is JESUS. 🙏🏽

What about when they show humility and self awareness because they know that’s what you want to hear?

This is an amazingly helpful, encouraging video. Thank you Amber! I've been addicted to alcohol for 30 years. I've been an every day drinker "functioning alcoholic"'. I'm on my third year of trying to get it under control. My first year I had 77 days sober, 2nd year 101 days, this year thus far I have 117. At one point I never believed that would even be possible. At least now I have hope

Almost a mont with no drugs alcohol/weed and have I relapse again yesterday but had the courage to ask for help

Once my daughter found out how emotionally she was hurting her children, it was like a urika moment. It was and still is hard, but when she started looking at how she was hurting people, she started making progress

I stayed with my sister and had an addiction... my sister threw me out of the house ....best thing she could ever do......i had no place to go and had to face reality very quickly. She had to be cruel to be kind.

I am watching on replay. I have been dealing with my sin and his opiate addiction for about 15+ years. He has been to 4 to 5 rehabs, lived homeless, 2 psychotic breaks, and been diagnosed as bipolar. He has lived with me and my husband often and we have had to ask him to leave many times. Son did get clean recently for almost 2 1/2 years. But his dad / my husband died this year and he relapsed to using fentanyl and has went to detox twice in last 6 months. I dont feel its good for him to live with me in same town where his contacts are but he is trying and had nowhere to go. He is 40. He has the steps to get clean you talk about. His weakest link is humility but not wholly absent . Your knowledge has really been helpful. Sheryl

I lost it yesterday. Told him I'm done with this bs. Tired of hearing he loves me but he needs to figure it out.

One huge step for me was to give up a very stress filled career in Law Enforcement. I was already an alcoholic before becoming LEO, but to realize and act on the understanding that I did not have the ability to do that job and also be sober was, well yes Amber, humbling.

Amber, you have been GOD's blessing. You encouraged me a lot along with people who are dealing with an addicted love one just like I do. I'm in a roller coaster ride but been trying to show empathy, love, and kindness to my husband. I just hope I do not end up in a mental hospital from too much stress and emotional torture I am in. 😭

I tried controlled drinking, switching to spritzers, only after 5 pm and only in certain days. Abstinence is the only thing that works for me now

Unfortunately, I didn’t see much humility in my ex. Lots of excuses, justifications, and denial, but that doesn’t move it forward.

Amber...you KNOW YOUR STUFF! I have been implementing changes based on your videos. I was getting sick of being an outright NAG!

My boyfriend is two weeks sober and hits all these marks... I'm cautiously optimistic. Appreciate your great content!

I was with a addict for almost 20 year's. I got so depressed 3 year's ago that I started drinking beer almost every night until I was drunk. I have finally left him and I am down to 2 to 3 beer's at one setting, once a week. I'm trying so hard to do better, because I realize what it's doing to myself and my family. I just don't want to be this way anymore. I think I've come a long way, but I can't wait till I can let it go all the way. I learned that I couldn't help him, I tried for almost 20 year's. I let myself go, trying to save him. Just can't do it anymore. My dad was a alcoholic and I said I would never be that way, but I was drinking a lot for way to long. I just gotta keep trying.

Apology and being genuine are two very different things. Saying sorry rolls of my addict’s tongue - yet he never is sorry. he says sorry for everything all the time - but no remorse.

Thank you Amber. I have watched you from the start. I have learned so much! Thank you!

This was very encouraging, thank you, Amber 🙏🏼

Excellent video and Absolutely Agreed Amber, well said!! Humility, Gratitude, Self-Behavior Honesty and Acceptance is the key to their Success!👍👍

This is what I needed to hear at this moment.

Really needed this Amber! Thanks soooo much for doing these videos!! 💕

Hi Amber, thanks so much for the amazing content that you put out there for us. My husband relapsed a year ago and his addiction has gotten much worse in the past 2 months. Our finances are terrible right now and he makes risks that could cost him his life to get his substance of choice when we have no money. I don't want to give him access to money, but I'm so worried about his crazy life outside the house right now. He almost quit in April after slowly cutting down but couldn't do it when it came to the crunch and now has no willingness to try even though it is making his life a living hell (for him more so than me). When looking at the 12 step program he said he has actually done all steps other than praying, which he can't do while intoxicated. He is a God fearing Muslim. I literally have no idea what to say anymore. I think he feels powerless to stop even though he quit for 2 years and then 1 year. He knows he can do it, he just doesn't seem to have the strength right now. He would rather escape his problems than face them head on. Do you have any advice? PS. He won't speak to professionals. Never has never will.

Always love hearing your thoughts and knowledge. You really are helpful!

Thank you this gives me tremendous hope!

your videos have really been helping me grieve, cope, and understand. thank you.

I found your video and discovered powerful Words of revelation. Humility is the key that I have looked for!

Just found you recently… I’m growing in understanding of these matters and you are a real joy and inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing your insight and gentle spirit. You are So refreshing and encouraging… My loved one is going to make it!! 🕊️

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. It gives me hope.

Miss Amber, you are AMAZING! You and Dr. Trish Leigh would be teamed together would be WOW!

This was very encouraging, thank you ❤

I know this is an old video, but someone I love has all of these signs. However, I have been on a roller coaster ride with him for 8 years, with about the last 4 years really bad, off and on. He is 63 years old and the affects are more severe, and longer to get over. I have separated from him, but I truly want him healthy and I don't know if it's ever going to end with him healthy. It's heartbreaking

Outstanding! Grateful I found you. Thank YOU I quit cigarettes & you're right, the farther you are away from your quit date the easier it gets😇🤸‍♀️

Thank you for this video. I feel a lot less frustrated now. ❤

I'm 6 years sober and started seeing a guy I'd known for 27 years. Now I find out he's using ice. I'm so disappointed BUT with me being a recovering addict I don't want to leave him completely. I won't let him in my home when my kids are here and he's high. I protect myself by continuing meetings and NOT letting him do the stuff around me. Even former addicts can get ticked at current addicts when you just want them to get better. I definitely have to keep him at arms length right now.

Hi amber my son just left rehab he was in there for about 2 months.I asked him are you ready he told me I have to.The way I understood he has a place to stay through sober living and has been staying with someone until he got his place.He has relapsed and connecting with people who are questionable to his sobriety.He ended up at the hospital got sick and now wants me to pick him up and said he messed up.I told him I cant help him.He has resources and has been through this already.I dont want to make his life comfortable by rescuing him when his life is unmanageable and causing alot of pain and hurt.

It’s so hard to tell when they’re serious about quitting their addiction. And the fact that you care about them so much and simply just want the best for them makes it so hard to not be there for them 😔 I’m just trusting my instinct and hopefully I will know when it’s time to walk away .. it’s been six years already and so many ups and downs…

Amber you are a very special person ty for all the effort and love that you put into your vids. I would love it if you only put one recommended next vid to watch because once I click on one I lose the other one and can’t easily get back to find the other one you recommend. Much love❤️

My head is literally all over the place right now- I’ve seen these in my boyfriend/my sons father. But, at the end of the day, I still got lied to, manipulated, gaslight and made to feel like the bad guy… I’m so tired of getting hurt bc of his choices. All the deceit, all the lies, all the “promises” tht I was ridiculous enough to believe- what do they mean now? I literally have a thread of hope that it will ever get better…and that thread is wearing thin, if it even still exists at all.

I swear these videos are made just for me 💕

I am 2 years sober now and my biggest thing that helped me trendously was setting boundaries within the home, parents just everyone who was coming into my space being negative and not positive influence. And, YES you are so right the more you throw it up in my face will make and it did make me want to prove you wrong. Now, you would think a person would get some credit or a little trust but as soon as something happens bad towards you or at you the first thing they go to is the addiction. Like for REal! but when they find out it wasnt that and it was something out the blue no one would have guessed everyone mouths and face are in shock! I also even before all of this always kept a day to day to do schedule. but, this time around I kept one but it just became more focused around me getting better and what is good for me NOT what other people think is good for me! That was another thing I had to tell myself and think and say to myself daaahhh l know what works for me not you!

I’ve stopped “nagging” my partner about his drinking this past week. As a result his attempts to start fights when he’s drunk have stopped, so that’s been nice. However, I’m sick and tired of feeling like a single mum to our kids, while he’s outside drinking almost every afternoon and night.

Thank you so much for this video!!! I wish I could get people around me to watch this. My fiance is in recovery, and he has all these signs! I got so tired of people telling me that I should break up with him. It was easy for them to tell me that because they weren't in the situation, and it wasn't helpful. I felt like the judgement was there when I'd tell them he was trying, even if they didn't say anything. It's still a bumpy road because he's dealing with the fallout from a DUI, but I feel like he really does want to stop drinking for good. Sometimes he feels like it doesn't matter if he's sober or not. Is there a way I can encourage him at those times besides telling him that it does matter? That always feels pretty flimsy, but it's all I know to say.

Well that really hit home at 34:00. When I got help for myself and some for my alcoholic, our relationship got better for a Time, a short time. The drinking didn't move to less as significantly. And I think that was hard. Because it did seem to give him reasons to think drinking was acceptable, or not as big of an issue. Unfortunately, progress completely stopped and backslid. And I cannot continue on this literal path of insanity at this point.

Mine never makes it longer than 2 weeks. It is an awful roller coaster. But it is nice to see he has the signs of the possibility of changing his, and therefore our, lives.

Thank you for all the videos. They are so helpful. I don't know if I could get through all of the pain and heart aches of dealing with an addicted loved one without all the practical guidance you provide in your videos. I would give anything to just have my daughter back. Do you do individual counseling via video calls?

Thank you!

Thanks!

Thank you again. 😊

My sister tried so hard years ago she went a whole year without a drink I was always proud of her for that more recently before she passed away she convinced us she went six months at a time without drink I don’t think I believed it last week the coroner told us it was highly unlikely my sister stopped at all based on the damage to her organs my sister used to cry and get really sad sometimes it breaks my heart thinking back to when she cried and opened up to me she said once nobody knows how I feel I told her I was always their for her any time she needed me and I was now I’m having to try to live without her I hate it I’m missing her so bad.

Thank you Amber

Good Stuff 👍

Where is your office located and how do I schedule an appointment with you? I admire your work and dedication. I appreciate people like you, truly. My husband is an high functioning alcoholic and is now in that stage you spoke about trying ways to cut back.

you are so right... I was clean and sober for 3 months and after a relapse on a vacantion I didn.t have one drop of cravings for alcohol or cigaretes. I went straight to my routine, good sleep, healthy diet, fitness etc... I wish I knew how to deal with vacantion and stay sober. It.s second time this year it happened the relapse. At least the second time I was sober first 2 days... hope next time I.ll do it all sober. it was purgatory not vacantion, I hated it, myself and my friends too. do you have any advice? thanq you!

What do you say to a drug addict who says they want to get sober but also says life is too boring without drugs? I just don't know how to be encouraging when he says that.

Thank you Amber. My boyfriend is alcoholic and all his family is 💔🖤

Sadly, when my son was sober, he was bored and didn't find joy in anything which pushed him to use again.

My man was trying, abstained from the drink, and did start feeling better. It was the drink that made him unsafe to be around so he was removed from the home for a few weeks with police support. Go forward a few months the bloody prescription meds he’s on has taken over instead. And I’m sure he’s drinking again because the rage and accusing me of being with other men is back. Right now, he breached bail conditions by threatening me again so again, the law has instructed him to leave. A very angry man despite showing all these signs, thinking he’s the victim with a number of factors now happening to him. I hate that he may hate me now. I hope he does realise it’s time for help so we can be together again.

Humility yes, stil causing caos and asking for financial resources. 2. Trying been sorber, thinking that with that is enough. 3. Long breaks and one failure, after 3 months. 9 months clean. Having conversations when wants to comeback. And still been clean. 4. He knows that is causing hard conversations in my life. But doesn’t see as much as I see.

5:20 spot on Amber, thanks..

Hi there I am so happy I came across your video. My son developed an opioid addiction years ago. That started him to have seizures. After years of struggle he has recovered from that but he smokes weed everyday and drinks alcohol occasionally. It really affects me financially, mentally and socially. What can I do to support him

Amber my 22yrs old is 76 days clean after doing inpatient treatment and is now in a sober living house. What are some ways I can help him, dos and don't? I'm am a big part of his support system from a different state.

My husband has been cutting back, has been 60 days sober last year, ( even 3 years several years ago). I think he realizes that he would feel better and things would be better he just can’t cope with anything at all. He’s been drinking since he was 14 and has used alcohol as his go to. (He’s also bipolar) He just doesn’t want to be an adult. He has a job but that’s it. I’m doing the positive reinforcement and staying out of the bad guy role but it’s frustrating. I’m learning to accept that he will be this way and try and keep. Boundaries

Do you have any videos on what to do if the addicted person changes substances or cuts back and they feel it is working for them? It is not working for the rest of the family because his emotions are all over the place, but that is the only real consequence and he seems to be ok with it. Also, do you have any videos for what to do when the addicted person was sober for months but didn't work on the psychological side of things and didn't actually feel better like you talked about in the video? Not only does he feel like he can't ever be happy sober but he feels like everyone around him is better off when he is drinking or using. I wish I had found your videos years ago!

After 12 years of trying to put it down I started swimming and realized it's common sense. If I want to be a good swimmer I can't drink and smoke. Presto like a miracle I put it all down and never looked back for 5 years now. Find something to replace the addiction that you want more than the addiction as mine was swimming.

When there minds don’t come back and psychological issues set in.

Your a beautiful person❤

Hi Amber, can I help my loved one with a process addiction who is in denial about their ability to recover (drowned in shame and negative self-talk) to find faith in themselves by reflective listening? Or what is the best way I can help them with their super low self-esteem and the feeling they have that they've tried everything but keep relapsing and will never get better? Thank you ❤️

My son plays false humility. It is apart of his passive aggressive behavior.

What do you do when there is no communication and just absolute anger and disgust in the addict.

Had a job and was in a drug rehab but relapsed after 2 months. Addicted to cocaine. When he is in the jungle he will not stay in contact with love ones. He does not know his triggers to relapse. I love him and he is amazing man. I keep my distance and just let him know that I am here if he choses to reach out. I pray that this addiction does not kill him. He is currently hanging out with other addicts. He will not see me because he states he does not want me to see him because he is so embarrassed. He has been fighting addiction for about 20 years now.

Love you hair

I tried cutting off my friends I completely isolated myself and tried to start a new life detox I have done well then ended up using by myself in isolation and defeated my purpose of that whole grieving process of learning how to live and not speak or be around anyone from my old lifestyle and it’s not easy because I found myself alone and I wasn’t accepted by anyone anymore the addiction stigma caused my family to shame me constantly even if I was doing it staying clean they still treated me like less then human like the system tends to do as well trying to get help a lot of medical professionals treat addicts the same way I had to fight continually to be heard not just seen as seeking medication or shoed off on a way but I eventually found a therapist and did detox multiple times we only have 5 day medical detox only in my province the government didn’t fund our rehabilitation programs long term programs are not available here so I go to therapy now to address my trauma and root cause and I started going to NA meetings I got a Sponcer and I’m learning the twelve steps Na has been very helpful for me it’s not like I have any other options but to try and make it work 😂 so here we are trying this ❤🙏

can you please link the video mentioned @10:48-11:21 & it's these four indicators? - humility / willingness - ability to id the problem, its effects - remedial efforts / trying to recover - clean time thank you, amber, for your vital work!

The part about knowing the percent in alcohol is exactly how i would monitor my caffeine consumption. I would be able to tell people exactly how much caffeine was in anything from coffee to pop to which energy drinks had what. I was at about 700-900 milligrams a day of caffeine before. It’s always been a HUGE issue for me.

I'm an aba tech. I'm using my skills from that to stay on the outside, remain the bystander/good guy. Hard to do as mom. I reward, praise good behavior and present rewards carefully. Every day is choosing who I serve, God! Not my son. Better sleep when my son doesn't take up space in my head that doesn't belong to him. His free will will save him!

Alochic daughter in bad car accident 4 months ago, not related to alcohol use. Was in hospital x1 month and physical recovery x 3 months. So daughter & grandson moved in with us while recovering. So forced sobriety, now ready to go back her house. Worried about her starting to drink again. She has had alot of positive talk. Started trauma therapy and antidepressants due accident and as is will to continue therapy. In process of looking for new therapist. But easily defeated when she doesn’t get call back. I have tried to be positive and give suggestions to websites, videos or local resources. But it’s hard and terrifying to go through her alcohol use all over again since I suspect she has been drinking while she is at her house on weekends..Trying hard to let go and have her see how badly alcohol affects her. Help! Her addiction has really affected our whole family. She is moving back her own home and I worry she will start drinking again.

My husband is 2 weeks sober, after a few days in a psychiatric clinic. I am having a lot of trouble with trust. He always "promised he was sober", he didn't drink, he would make excuses to go to the store and slam a tall boy on the way home in the car. I had asked him to leave and give me space which he has yet to do. We have 3 kids and his drinking has caused trust issues, mental and verbal abuse from him to me, violence from him towards the house/stuff, etc. I am now struggling with giving grace and rebuilding. It has been years of ups and downs and with 3 kids, I feel like I owe it to them to try. I hear it all from outsiders: Why are you still with him, you could do better, they never change, etc. Is relationship recovery truly possible? Or do the resentments and mistrust make it too hard?

My AOL has the capacity of all of these 4 traits but he still can't get sober. He has use over 25 years

Do you have any experience with or an opinion about Ibogain treatment?

We have a wine Wednesday ladies group. One of our members is struggling with addiction. But all the other ladies still drink. Our friend O says why should I quit everybody else is drinking.

My husband asked me to ration him. I refused. I told him, he’d just buy an extra bottle to hide and I’m not his mother. 🤷‍♀️ He’s trying so hard but constantly fails which has put him in a depression. He did see a counselor and the person who referred him choked on his own vomit and died. So that what his excuse not to go. I asked him… do you think that man told him to drink to excess and kill himself? Well no! OKAY then!!! They lie to themselves so much.

I remember trying to get off of methadone and opiates with NyQuil and sleeping it off. I did three methadone detoxes. I tried doing meth and/or cocaine to sweat out the opiates. But the NyQuil was one of my greatest hits. Pro tip don't do that. It'll just make you sick.

So what are your thoughts if an alcoholic has all these. In therapy, working on emotional regulation which is a huge trigger, has gone to inperson treatment and detox another time. Been’trying with 2-6 weeks in between relapses for last 3 years. Realized he had an issue 7 years ago. Been ongoing since. Just seems so long. Ready to employ a physical separation because I’m tired of it all. Thoughts?

I’m just five minutes in but it sounds like it’s a grieving process.

My daughter has been talking about relapsing. I encourage her to reach out to her sponsor or go to a meeting. I know she is drinking and smoking cigarettes and possibly weed and possibly already relapsed. Do I back off or do I stay supportive of her. She gets mad because I don't understand. I'm a normie as she calls it. 😰😫😓😤

My husband have take for two years crack kokaine everyday . He have the willing to go and take help and he is there but when he get outside of clinic he cannot manage life and then when he is in stress he take drugs again. He qas the first time in klinik Luxus klinik and he was there just 4 weeks and in the end he was wrost than the first time .

I fit all of your signs but I have a daughter in law that keeps throwing my past up in my face. Sometimes she makes me feel like I just don't want to live anymore.

Hi Amber - I must be blind - I can't find the place you refer to where you post questions or links to other videos. Can you help me??

Hi my son has a pattern every Friday fortnight , come Friday he gets paid by Monday he is talking so fast and talks so much rubbish. He starts moving stiff around and I find things in strange places. He doesn't know what he has done, we have had him in detox but not because he wanted it. He says he doesn't need it. He cannot think straight, he has drug driving fines, then fines for not paying the fines. Lost his licence for 18 months then and has to prove he is not reliant on drugs before he gets his licence back. He lives at home, but it's not easy. I have tried everything to no avail. Any advice please.

My husband has shown all 4 at different points in time, but my daughter shows none of them. Does that mean it is hopeless?

I don't go near hard liquor. Because it really causes problems. Beer during the week, and allow myself wine on weekends. :(

Could you please talk about what to do when children 4 and 6 are involved?

Okay, my daughter did 3 months of recovery .she did very well. She came back to the state we live in. She already relapsed. Is it far to tell her for her to stay here with us, she has to be on an IOP program.we are going on eleventh year! My husband and I are so tired. This is her 4th time doing rehab. In a month she'll not be on our insurance...

What about a person who is in jail? By the time he gets out it’ll be a bit over 3 months. But he talks about cravings rarely but he does, and at the same time he’s talked about how he can’t believe he was really out there on the street (homeless) living that way and doing all of that. But when he mentions cravings, he mentions “I just think about what if I went back to the street and that life?” But he says he’s willing to try. He mostly just “wonders” is what he says but going back to that lifestyle means going to prison pretty soon after because he would be on intense probation after getting out and is expected to complete a treatment program 30,60,90 days to a year. His choice, I tell him obviously a year would be the best help but to pick what he truly feels capable of completing because the court is expecting that completion for whatever he picks so choose wisely and after that he’s expected to live at a sober living house. Most days he seems positive but I know some days I can hear sadness in his voice and of course he shares negative thoughts. I know jail isn’t the most happy place at all and I want to help him realize that maybe jail isn’t where the good part to sobriety begins but it is his beginning currently, but the real good stuff comes after getting out of jail and having the freedom to grow in any way he desires. How can I help him? 😔 I worry and don’t want his suffering through withdrawals and effort to be positive to go to waste..

I tried it all..once I lost my two kids and fiance it all became worse.I went as far as accusing her of sleeping with her friends. My mind just shifted. It all became worse because she would become mad at me the minute I bring that topic up.i never had proof of it.all was in the mind.But the day I found JESUS everything became whole in my life again. I have peace and am 9months clean and sober through the Grace of our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. STOP trying to do it on your own. God is waiting for you to surrender. I bet you my life THAT YOU Will be healed from your addiction.Stay blessed ALL and remember there is no hopeless case

You should make an instagram and break down snippets in reels- it would be soooooo helpful.

I can't help my loved one bc he can't stand me, he doesn't like me, I trigger him and he has asked me to stay away from him.

My husband was addicted to cocaine but seemed good after quitting but then slowly got depressed. He is now on medication. When does the good come? He is a year and 2months sober. On meds for 6days for depression.

Kyle you all more about what to do rather than what not to do?

Hello. Do you believe that abstinence works for gambling addictions as well? Or can some people gamble in moderation? I’m not sure if it’s different than substance abuse or alcohol addiction.