One cure for a narcissist - run, run fast, and run far away and DON'T LOOK BACK - EVER.

Pathological envy is what defines them

Once you fully comprehend that these people ARE toddlers, it all clicks into place. It's really *all* you need to know.

They literally cannot handle the truth.

They also start freaking out when they’ve gotten away their entire lives without any accountability and suddenly are seeing justice might start being served to them FINALLY.

A lot of people in the comments are confusing narcissistic rage and a Narcissistic collapse. Narcissistic collapse is something quite specific - it's almost an existential thing for the Narcissist in which their Narcissist self image is damaged and reality intervenes in a truly profound way that cuts through their armour. It usually looks like quite serious depression and is often mistakenly treated as such - their whole world view has been wrecked and they are left unsure who they are, leaving them very debilitated. It can certainly be mixed in with periods of narcissistic rage as they thrash about, but they are distinct things. It very often comes with ageing when they just can't get away with what they used to do when young, or when they finally get seriously caught and can see no way out of it. The dream they have lived in all their lives suddenly starts to appear to them as ridiculous and they are left scared, anxious and lost.

It's like watching a giant child have a temper tantrum! It's scary that a grown adult can behave this way, but then you learn all about Narcissism, you realize that they aren't mature adults, but adults with arrested development and they are VERY emotionally immature people. The problem is, they like to lash out and hurt others in the middle of their "collapse" or temper tantrum and they are actual adults and can do much damage, even almost kill someone, which was my case. They can be scary people!

I appreciate your efforts to bring this problem to the public's attention. I think you failed to mention, however, that in the midst of a crisis, the narcissist may very well lash out, using anything available to them to strike at those around them they perceive as having betrayed them. When I finally left an abusive narcissist, I became the victim of false criminal allegations by my ex-partner and had to appear in court to defend myself against these accusations. Fortunately for me, the judge was clear-headed and quickly ascertained what was going on. Nevertheless, it made for several weeks of extreme anxiety for me, homeless at the time, which was pretty anxiety-provoking in itself. Can't emphasize enough: if you recognize a partner in these videos, run, don't walk, as far and as fast as you can. Sure, maybe they can get help and become healthy, but you don't want to wait around for that to happen. (Five years of counseling and things only got worse in my case.) Live in your car if you have to, give up your possessions, your dog, what physical comforts you might receive from this abuser and flee for your life. You don't want to get old with a narcissist as your caregiver!

I am astounded at how accurately you describe Narcissism. Your insight is amazing. Always spot on. Thank you.

"Narcissistic collapse" or decompensation refers to a significant and sudden breakdown in the functioning and self-image of an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or a person with narcissistic traits. It occurs when their inflated sense of self-worth is severely challenged or when they experience a major failure or loss that threatens their ego and self-esteem. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with NPD often have fragile self-esteem that is maintained through the constant validation and admiration of others. They may display a sense of entitlement and react strongly to any perceived criticism or threat to their self-image. Narcissistic collapse can occur when the individual encounters a significant life event or a series of failures that expose their vulnerabilities and challenge their idealized self-image. This can include professional failures, relationship difficulties, loss of status or power, or public humiliation. During a narcissistic collapse, individuals may experience intense emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, shame, or rage. They may become hypersensitive to criticism or rejection and struggle to maintain their previous façade of superiority. They may withdraw socially, exhibit self-destructive behaviors, or engage in impulsive actions to protect their fragile ego. It's important to note that narcissistic collapse does not imply that the individual will seek therapy or change their narcissistic traits. In some cases, it may lead to a temporary reduction in overt narcissistic behaviors as the person retreats or isolates themselves. However, they may eventually reestablish their defensive mechanisms or seek new sources of validation to regain their sense of superiority.

Take your typical spoiled toddler having a meltdown because they didn't get what they want. Now scale that up to the adult level.

Having been witness to someone who most likely was in Narcissist collapse, it is an amazing experience to literally feel the intensity of rage, shame, guilt and blame that they have inside of them. It’s like watching a man drowning, thrashing around for dear life begging for help, but willing to drown you if you jump in with a laugh and sneer. Your empathy and kindness will be spit back in your face. As you said, they have maladaptive coping skills that end with the exact opposite of what they ‘say’ they want. It is a heartbreaking thing really. Although I have learned to walk away from these desperate life-negating energies and just say a small prayer for their healing.

Narcissism is so common in society today I think we lose our ability to recognize it a lot of the time. We overlook the narcissism of family and friends to protect them and our relationships we have with them. Nobody wants to break down all the narcissists in their life for fear of having nobody left. I've had to remove all narcissists from my life. It was painful and left me with virtually no friends but it was worth it. Loneliness was always there now I don't have to deal with narcissists and be lonely too. I got really sick of the mind games and the compromise we have to make to maintain toxic relationships with toxic people. They expect it of us and it just gets worse and worse over time until we just can't take it anymore. We try to rationalise we say to ourselves maybe if I'm extra nice and forgiving they will change or maybe they will finally realise how sick they are and just stop being that way. The #1 rule with narcissists is they will never change short of absolute catastrophe. I would rather be alone than suffer the toxic poison you have to drink to have narcissistic friends and family. Enforcing boundaries is about making sacrifices.

I've seen this happen, it is kind of sad but effectively we cannot help them, nothing can help them. We can only help ourselves by distancing ourselves from them.

You totally nailed this, Darren. My mother has been having a meltdown for the last 3 months because, now in my mid-60s, I finally told her of 2 recent events where she'd stomped all over my boundaries. Setting the boundary in the first place had taken all my courage!!!!! She's gone through several stages, trying to convince my husband that she's done nothing wrong and is terribly confused (because she's sooo sweet she could never do anything wrong), and now she's trying to convince hubby that I'm in need of psychiatric help and am crumbling because we don't have a dog any more. I'm actually shocked at how fully she can not concieve that she could have had the least thing to do with the behaviour that caused me to speak with her. I was firm with her, but there was no anger, no blaming, nothing I wouldn't repeat in front in anyone on the planet. In fact I was (and still am) incredibly impressed with how beautifully, patiently and calmly I handled her. She can do whatever she likes, she is never taking that away from me. And after 47 years, she has finally shown my hubby who she truly is. The flying monkey, that he has been all this time, has completely awoken from the spell and the validation to me is like a miracle.

I just hope I live long enough to see my narc ex collapse

No supply. May throw biggest tantrum, stop eating so those around them have to watch their implosion. That gives them supply.

Trying to recover after years of heartbreak and abuse with a narcissistic husband. Left debt, heartbreak and a lot more. While he’s living his best life with his new mistress, I’m left sorting out the mess and unfinished business he left behind😢

Well, I personally know one reason: when you get up and leave them!

My nex had various mild to moderate episodes of collapse during our relationship but the complete decompensating and full blown delusions at the end topped everything I could possibly imagine.

Hi Dr Darren. Thanks for addressing this topic. I've witnessed a narcissist collapse, and what ensued afterwards was nothing less than terrifying. What I learned was to never threaten to expose a malignant type of person. Because the moment he knew what proof I had to expose him, I ended up fighting for my life w 3 Machiavelli attempts to my life. And... 4 and a half years of stalking and harassment in levels only Life Time TV movies could explain. I am lucky to be alive, but today I also have learned better and safer ways to help survivors w the proper direction in maintaining their rights to safety, protection from law enforcement, the way to file paperwork properly in order to enforce RO's and PFAs better, and... Helping the survivor navigate through the legal system much smarter. Something good came out of something heinous.

100% great post! I’ve dealt with 3 in my life (that I know of)….head on. They’re damaged people….keep them out of your life. It doesn’t get better….ever. Show them you know who they are….and walk away. Any “air” you give them will prolong the pain. Family member, coworker….anyone. Walk away!

Reading through the comments I'd just like to say if you are with a Narc and don't have children or pets, please don't.Get away as safely and as fast as you can.Also,don't eat or drink anything they make.They are not to be trusted and WILL abuse anything you love.

I think narcissists collapse when they are exposed for who they truly are. They differ from normal people who collapse because they are adversely impacted by external conditions. It’s scary to watch the implosion though.

I’ve witnessed a sibling have a narcissist rage twice. I think she is undergoing/has undergone at least one collapse. She is alone in her life and it is all her doing - that is the piece that is critical for her to understand. But instead, she goes onto social media and posts how awful her family is for not checking in on her. And has begun to engage in character assassination (mine in particular). I do not believe in the commonly held platitude: “blood is thicker than water”. No toxic person is worth ruining your self just to “keep the peace.”

Wow! I was praying to the Lord and talking to him last night about my soon to be ex-husband, and going over in my mind the 18 years of exquisite lies, deception, manipulation and selfishness, I was just floored. How someone can come up with such extraordinary lies and make up people, places and happenings!

They know the truth and the truth knows them in their eyes and hearts.

When I cut contact with my covert narcissist mother I did it over a 5 month period. She had given me the silent treatment (yet again) and I was going through therapy to deal with it. I’d had enough. When the silent treatment stopped I never responded. I just continued my treatment and self care. You could see the behaviour change from abuser to attempted manipulator, she would message my wife about mundane things and my wife never responded, same with my mother in law. Golden Child flying monkey calls were ignored. Even the family accountant called only to be instantly fired. It was mental, literally. At the end of my treatment and in my own time I eventually messaged her saying she could contact my wife only about issues relating to certain obligations, nothing more. I was blocking her and she was no longer able to contact me, that was all. The messages to my wife became few and far between as she finally realised she had zero control. She mostly certainly had a collapse during and after that.

"find it hard just to get out of bed"- towards the end he said that wished that he could go to sleep and never wake up. I could tell that his guilt and regret were eating him alive. What you're saying is completely accurate. I saw it firsthand.

Thanks for addressing this topic. After going no contact and then COVID quarantine, my ex went through a collapse. It's not pleasant to watch from the sidelines. He tried to suck his children into the obyss. There was no one willing to stroke his ego or join the fruitless game. It all ended, sadly. Posts like yours bring light to the darkness.

When I refused to let my narcissist cousin order me around anymore she began hyperventilating through her teeth! I was completely shocked and chuckle in amazement when remembering the sounds she made on the phone that day.

Glad I left. Seen enough, don’t need to see my narc mother implode. My best to the flying monkeys, good luck! 😊

narc collapse.......when a narc has no supply and sits at home gnawing on its own leg

its good to understand narcissist, now i could predict the narc's next move, and their 'moves' doesn't hurt me as much anymore because I understand them.

"We Overlook the narcissism of family and friends to protect them and our relationships with them." Wow. Life is tough.

You keep describing my older siblings!!!

Seen this 2 days ago. It's cathartic for a victim.Even when they self reflect, it's too much. They resort to projection to ward off the pain.

This is the greatest thing that could happen to a narcissist, they deserve to feel all the pain they have caused, never feel sorry for them they always try to play the victim!

Now that I understand what the collapse is, that's what the narcissist I was married to for 24 years did. Through the years, he would do this childish silent treatment insisted nothing was wrong. He would stop talking, and so did I. I grew up with 5 sisters that would do the same thing. Stop talking stomp around the house, slam doors, and other annoying things. When I didn't respond, he literally lost his mind and drank himself to death! It's still amazing to me how I survived, but I'm so grateful now for the experience cause now I know what kind of creatures they're are in the world.

There is genuine understanding and nuanced insight into a host of… narcissistic dynamics here, impressively condensed and articulated. It’s hard to figure why they behave as they do and lie so much, often so ridiculously, as they do. How the past can be rewritten, and rewritten anew. This video is helpful in trying to get and maintain one’s head around it. I’m sure it helps a lot of people.

Not being a true, authentic person. Not owning their maladaptive behaviours.

Brilliant,I thought it was me who was losing the plot,an excellent review I'm living with.

I love hearing that there's a spectrum even within narcissism where some of them can actually go work on themselves if it isn't as engrained. It gives me hope that maybe it can dwindle generationally like trauma.

When I finally absolutely said I was done, he committed suicide.

Sorry I pressed the wrong button. And then this morning, I checked my phone and there is your teaching and when a narcissist implodes! I have listened to quite a number of your teachings on this subject and as the others have said, it is spot on. I am kind of waiting and I don't mean in a cruel way whatsoever but I am waiting for that to happen or something like that to happen with my husband who is in an adulterous relationship. When he was served the divorce papers he had to sign, I found out from the lawyers office that he never turned them in after 20 days. I told her I didn't think he would. So it goes into default and I know him, he probably didn't quite understand what he read, even though it was a uncontested, simple divorce. He also skims over reading papers and I'm sure he did not show his girlfriend as he told me he really doesn't want to marry her. He found out the hard way that she is not going to let him get away with all the garbage he did to me and he finds it hard to compete with her for manipulation. She told me herself she has mental issues and is on medication. Great! They can have each other - I don't want to be married to that kind of man anymore! I never wanted bad things for him, but he's done this all to himself and he's paying the consequences. Thank you for your very very helpful information and I know as I read some of the comments - we are all very grateful! 😊😊😊

Narcissists breed more narcissists..if you are not careful, we are all a little..but the good people keep it under control

My ex Narc. was so slick ! He pulls the wool over everyone's eyes time and time again then slowly people figure him out and disappear out of his life. I had kids with him before i knew what he was. I finally got away after twenty four years. I left him twenty years ago Jan. 3, 2003. I have two kids that still live on the property we had bought together and for the last twenty years i would talk to him so he didn't take it out on our kids. Now my youngest is 33 years old and i can't do it anymore. I have just recently gone no contact and i am afraid what he might do to them because i won't talk to him. I hope they are able to hold their own but i am still being controlled by him because i worry about my boys. He has terrified me for 43 years. Don't ever have kids with a narcissist people because he or she will use them to try and control you 😔

Every single characteristic mentioned is what THEY accuse you of... There's no way to discuss it They just turn it back It's actually amazing to observe But the destruction of my character is well underway with threats of continuing to every person I love I'm content that anyone who takes his crap seriously is not my friend and I'll hold my head high Thanks for all the insight... Now I have a name for what has been happening..

As a child I was very confused by the immature and inconsistent nature of family members with these traits! What I came to realize is they were collapsing inside sometimes on a min. by min. bases. Yet barely keeping it together on the outside. Once I got a handle on the motivation and lack of a core it was a hard pass!

Loving the geek memorabilia in the background.

One of my brothers is clearly a narcissist but I didn’t realise until recent years. I’m an empath (probably too much sometimes) so he found it easy to manipulate me . I always dreaded his phone calls because within minutes he would re hash the same perceived grievances he had against the rest of the family that I had heard many many times. No acknowledgement of what part he may have played, just pure victim speak. After years of this I realised that he never asked how I was or how my husband and kids were doing, just always blathered on about himself. I pointed this out a few years ago and haven’t heard from him since. I guess the truth hurts.

Thank You, Sir, for sharing your knowledge. It makes a huge difference in a lot of people's lives. To heal is to understand.

I saw this when i spoke up to a narc friend about her behaviour towards me.She cried for 2 whole days, then wouldn't speak to me for 2 years. At the time,i didn't know about narcissism and was really surprised by the extreme nature of her reaction as what i had said was pretty mild.

Long story short, you are reminding me of a former, emphasis on former, romantic relationships. I saw her peripherally staring at me from distance while at the grocery store. I never acknowledged that I saw her. She there easily 1-2 minutes before finally walking away. What you are saying about them no longer feeling certain things, the manipulation and the skimming failing, and sense of failure is absolutely correct. The regret was simply sipping from her.

My narcissistic husband attacked me in a Narcissistic collapse. His mother kicked us out of the family at his father‘s funeral for a lie she made up about me ! Total lies and that’s when I found out about all his gaslighting and what he’s been really doing to me for 31 years and I found out he was a narcissist, confronted him about it about the gaslighting and the verbal abuse, and he totally uploaded on me and start attacking me. Everything was my fault. They’re very horrible and cruel. Actually got psychotic there for a while. I was afraid of him I thought he was going to murder me you talking to little boy voice was very dangerous. Tried to destroy me destroy my property. Their always the victims !!! Everyone leaves him the poor baby it doesn’t matter they abuse everyone and that why no one wants to be abused by them anymore he traumatized my daughter by screaming at me lies for hours

I wasn't manipulating my ex spouse when I was suffering. He believed I was and severely neglected me to punish me to the point I almost died docs said. He refused me medical care. M arr

Unregulated emotional implosion.

"a shame-based depression"- yes, sir. The admiration that a little boy generally has for his father was destroyed within me as I grew older and there were other men who eventually received it. It is these men to whom I owe my accomplishments. One of these men he would bad-mouth in later years and, of course, I knew why😉 Coupled with this, I was the one child and son of his who no longer visited him. The admiration was gone, I saw what he was and wasn't, and I had to protect myself from his self-esteem attacks.

9yrs in family court, gone through all of this with my ex! Even faked a heart attack so he didn't have to attend court ! Our son has a terminal cardiac condition, it was like he was saying " it's me too" Adjournment, but, he had to provide hospital report. Guess what? Exposed! Normal obs, normal ECG, normal bloods! Pathetic! So court thankfully, won't allow him anywhere near our son! 3 emails per yr. He hasn't done the first 2! Just been focused on my sons physical & mental health. Had sessions with a consultant psychologist- really helped! I think it was because he was hearing the same affirmations & support but, from a professional! Made sure psychologist was a man, so he could talk to & have counselling from a healthy minded male, his support & know not all men are bad!

🔥🔥🔥 🙌 “They collapse when they cannot get their narcissistic supply no matter what they do.” I am watching this happen to two people right now and must admit it’s quite sad observing the desperation they go through. It’s interesting to see how both individuals have repeatedly said how sorry they are for their situation yet refuse to believe that they had anything to do with how they got into the situations they’re in. I appreciate Darren’s insight on what ‘sorry’ really means … “If they are the cause of their own misery, they might say they’re sorry… but they’re only sorry for the consequences they face as opposed to being sorry for their own actions.” So right on! My New Year’s wish for anyone in a relationship with an NP is to gain as much insight as you can right here on Darren’s channel and do everything in your power to sever ties with the NPs.

I was subject to this around 5 days ago. and a friendship I was having strong doubts about is over. she went too far. This friend really screamed and shouted and denegrated me in public and was under the false impression I would accept this. I walked away. She has upset me.. but bit by bit i feel better.

yes public humiliation is the ONLY WAY to get a narcissist cheater to pay attention to you and not ignore you.

Where have you been all my life? :-) I was raised by violently narcissistic mother. So I ran away in the early 90s to Ireland & married a violently narcissistic husband. Wish I knew you then.

You'd think at some point...like hitting rock bottom...that narcissists would not want to stay in their cycle of self destruction.

You are so spot on!! For me, the best for me was to go no contact. I wish nothing but the best for them. They are still trigger happy sometimes. Whether it be putting signes up petty stuff. It been over two years now. Little things are still on going with them. I hope for happiness for them.

Congratulations Darren! Ave. over 1600 views per day..... You help so many.....⚘And so kindly. I hope people catch on to thank you with the👍👍👍❤👍❤👍👍 you truly deserve. Peace and blessings to you!

WOW. What a great summary Darren. Thank you so much for putting this together! It's a keeper!!

Darren your insight into Narcistic behaviour is phenomenal! 👏 💯 Thank you so much. 🙌

Your channel is the best! Plus I love your accent :) Thank you for everything you do. You always shine a light on all the hard knock lessons I have learned. Thank you!

Thank you for adding that covert types can actually USE their collapse to try to gain sympathy. That's what seems to be happening (from what I can gather, at a distance) with my mother. She's using the collapse to manipulate my father and my children. Just exhausting.

Qualified and helpful insights that are very helpful. Great delivery and free therapy. This content is why I love KZfaq. Positive, authoratative content. Thank you sir.

I appreciate you’re nuanced explanations here

It's a description of the American culture and government

Very careful and inclusive analysis. Thank you.

Very thorough explanation of Narcissistic collapse & behaviors that come with the personality disorder.

This is very informative Darren, experience some of these narcissistic people before and it was never fun or easy! Thank you for sharing such information with us, we need to learn about those kind of people and what they really need! ❤

Very insightful. I appreciate your explaination and plain talking. 🙂

On an unrelated note: I love that paint color on the wall behind you Darren. 👍

I don't know if I'm a narcissist, but I do feel entitled to be happy. I've worked hard in my life.

Truly harmed traumatized people get misdiagnosed as narcissistic when they reach out due to the normal human need to be cared about when suffering. M arr

This was a brilliant video, thank you so much.

They can also 'get sick' to deflect and get more supply. In my first Narcs case laryngitis (which would get better with sympathy, sometimes within minutes), insomnia and other physical symptoms. And if that didn't work then self harm with a 'see what you made me do'.

For each narcissist colapsing, there are a few or a bunch who colapse by their life long abuse.

Thank you. You have described it extremely well Darren.

You're right on target. Excellent advice!

This was an excellent overview, it was succinct and covered a lot in eight minutes. I also think kudos are in order for your fun collection in the background. I see Dr. Who, several Star Wars pieces, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica and Space 1999. It makes me curious about the smaller items. Thanks again, i'll look over your other programs.

Looking Healthy & Glowing Darren, Great information very well articulated. Thank you 🙏 Happy New Year, All the best.💜👌✨ go no contact and save yourself.

My brother lost his job, supposedly he has a court date coming up. He has numerous addictions. Lots of money, so he hasn’t hit a bottom yet. I’m worried about my elderly mother and his ex girlfriend. He’s erratic. He’s gang stalked me, embezzled from me. When I got married, he stopped picking on me for a few years.

USE is the Key Word here. Somehow they find a way to use everything and everyone. Don't get caught in their deceptive web.

Thank you for your video and your explanation. I am on a local council where one member is an extreme narcissict and no-one really knows how to deal with them or their attitude. The situation has become destructive to the extent that the entire council may collapse or all members resign due to this one member who sees no wrong is his actions and blames everyone else. I am taking steps to try to understand how to deal with such an unruly person that, despite warnings, refuses to change his behaviour.

Great video! They deserve all the pain they get, at last they feel something... :)

Sooooo Accurate 😮! Thank you!

Wow this is so spot on to someone I just observed, and it just showed up first video

I think my ex had some kind of narcissistic collapse, we live in a small town she started a business it failed in a year. I think she was ashamed and understandably depressed, for a few years she never went out, Id do her shopping and run errands, get prescriptions groceries etc. Eventually she started venturing out again, and getting her confidence back, I was so pleased. Was she grateful for all I did to support her? No first opportunity she was off and finished with me.

This happens every time something isnt THEIR WAY

Vulnerable narcissists are more prone to rage and shame than grandiose narcissists.

Wonderful. Compassionate, practical mm

Great video, thanks

Seems like a symptom of our overly materialistic culture. I have compassion for souls who are trapped in this fate. Such confusion we have to grow up amidst these days and very little in the way of truly mature role models.

Narcissism needs to be added to the elementary school's curriculum.