5 BARRIERS to healing from narcissistic relationships

Рет қаралды 54,424

5 ай бұрын

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Пікірлер: 406

@Faye-Texan 5 ай бұрын

I’m 76 and alone for 5 years now since escaping decades with a narcissist. I relish my freedom.

@sunnydaye5942 5 ай бұрын

62 yrs old here and celebrating being free and single.

@demian8439 5 ай бұрын

I'm only at three months of freedom. Decades with a narc for me too. Like you, relishing every moment of it, even though the healing is slow and difficult.

@kitty.k1924 5 ай бұрын

Bravo! Good for ya all👍👍👍👍

@dianatenney7821 5 ай бұрын

I celebrated being free from those relationships and been alone for years too.

@rosemaryclarke2348 5 ай бұрын

OH SO DO I!❤❤😂

@beaucarbary5619 5 ай бұрын

Once I said to myself "I'd rather be alone than be treated like this" my life changed dramatically. It's one of the best things I ever did for myself.

@goboudou 5 ай бұрын

Well said😂

@dianaw451 5 ай бұрын

YES, I thought the same thing!

@erinward2983 5 ай бұрын

It's definitely the key to freedom. It's sad I stayed too close for too long trying to help him, not knowing. When I moved away I was happier than ever but ended up moving back home to help him. When he knew I'd seen his truth, his next moves were making sure loved ones thought I was the abuser. I didn't have much time to think. It wasn't safe to reach out then. I was afraid of what he might do and the damage to my reputation meant I wouldn't be believed. So sick. I won't be going back, and I hope I'm able to have sisters, nieces, nephews in my life again soon.

@jlcmsw 5 ай бұрын

Being alone I have felt like I’m getting “me” back. I lost myself in my narcissistic relationship.

@erinward2983 5 ай бұрын

@@jlcmsw To get out of that mess and know who we are again is something we know not to take for granted. Flying solo is beautiful and freeing. We know ourselves again and that’s beautiful.

@youngblood8540 5 ай бұрын

Being in a relationship won't heal you and being single won't kill you.

@thunderpooch 28 күн бұрын

being in a healthy relationship does in fact help you grow as a person but a relationship will never heal a narcissist relationships are to be valued and treasured and sought-after, but not with narcs

@kdogW-iw6oq 5 ай бұрын

After being raised in a narcissistic home, and abused by a narcissistic parent, then, marring a narcissist, being alone is amazing. It’s a gift to have peace and quiet.

@rosykatzCATS 5 ай бұрын

Same both here. Mother & a few narcs as husbands. Throw in a celebrity 🙄 adult kids turning into flying monkeys. I never ever want another partner! Just hate the ruminating.

@dyanberg6263 5 ай бұрын

I am 68 and have been living by myself ever since the children graduated. Divorced 31 years ago Silence , space and peace has no price I go wherever I want when I want or with whom I want . And hope I die alone no one should come with me for this trip. Alone is not lonely

@jlcmsw 5 ай бұрын

I totally agree. I’ve come to terms I’ll die alone and it doesn’t scare me.

@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын

Yes, I've come round to this way of thinking. I arrived alone, my loneliest years were growing up with a toxic family. My biggest regret is ever listening to them, especially my mother. I'd rather be alone. Dreading xmas, dread beery contact. I'd move if I could farther away!

@ella.bella1 5 ай бұрын

Truer words have not been spoken. Alone is not lonely.

@imans4919 3 ай бұрын

This is peaceful mind, hope I can achieve that

@TheDarkPlace00 5 ай бұрын

Many of us do fear being alone and loneliness is a terrible feeling but it’s even worse when you are in a narcissistic relationship because narcissists will make you feel even lonelier because they will strip you away from yourself. True loneliness comes from lack of self-love and the lack of self-identity because the realist love you will ever receive is the one you give to yourself.

@galadis123 5 ай бұрын

That's right. For me, I was stripped from myself but in the form of my livelihood at a young age. I was crippled financially and aperantly allot of loneliness and destitution happens from that.

@toniharris1982 5 ай бұрын

I need to "hear" more. I haven't looked you up nor Googled your name . You can share via a more private page if you'd prefer, but please do if you are comfortable. Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance. ~so happy for you in finding your truth!

@annemurphy8074 5 ай бұрын

So true. I was forced to flee myself over and over again, a totally fractured psyche, having developed D.I.D from all the abuse and trauma. The worst feeling of loneliness or "homesickness" is being away from ourselves, which we are forced to just to survive when in toxic environments with narcissists/abusers. We're working towards integration but it's been very difficult.

@BradEnquist 4 ай бұрын

That sure was my experience, and it was horrible. You couldn't have said it any better.

@1love847 3 ай бұрын

Yes. I don't feel lonely anymore. I like my own company and do what I want.

@sushmayen 5 ай бұрын

We're emotionally crippled due to being in narcissistic relationship. Now we need to work on only healing and living a fulfilling life away from them

@demian8439 5 ай бұрын

Yes. It can be done.

@saladgirl2062 5 ай бұрын

There is no feeling more alone than being neglected by your partner.

@juliekswanson 5 ай бұрын

So true.

@sjohan7835 4 ай бұрын

Wow yes

@michelleflynn7485 4 ай бұрын

💯

@Froggifrog 4 күн бұрын

That was personal 😭 /j

@mpras684 5 ай бұрын

I felt alone sitting right next to my narc…being FREE to be alone is far less isolating.

@donnas.1576 5 ай бұрын

I felt I was alone in my relationship for many years. I stayed because I lived with the hope that things would get better.

@demian8439 5 ай бұрын

Same for me. I kept thinking, "If I could only get a sincere apology, I would be willing to stay and keep trying to make it work." At some point I realized that things would never improve.

@standardfelipe 5 ай бұрын

Same here. I loved a man for almost 8 years and he broke up with me and found another guy in less than 2 mo. I'm broken into pieces. I was cheated several times and always hoped for the return of the kind man once I knew. Bullshit

@user-ck4ht6oc2d 5 ай бұрын

Me too. Empty promises that it will get better.

@AAXS-op1vo 5 ай бұрын

You are not alone. I live with hope for 28 years. Of course it never came

@surayalalloo8667 5 ай бұрын

Yes lonely in a relationship. No one understands this

@hodamawlawi512 5 ай бұрын

5 Barriers to Healing from Narssistic Abuse 0:35 Fear (of being alone) 11:03 Guilt 24:58 Hope 32:19 Lack of Knowledge 37:14 Lack of Resources

@cherylm5002 5 ай бұрын

Thanks🌹

@ricardajames5769 5 ай бұрын

My parents divorced when I was 13, and I lived with the Narc Mom, unfortunately. I wanted to live with my Dad. I would have had a better life growing up with Dad. Mom went into therapy after divorce for one year and decided she no longer needed it. I should have left then. Living with her was HELL!! I'm the scapegoat, and now, at 58, I'm alone, happy, working on my true self and healing. I love myself. I know I will be okay. I trust myself ❤❤❤. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Life is better with you in it.

@Kathleen5429 5 ай бұрын

After a 28-year marriage, I divorced, and a friend asked me how I felt now that I was alone. I told her that I was more alone in my marriage than I am now. I'm alone but never lonely. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

@kathleenferguson3296 5 ай бұрын

I was terrified at first. Nobody to tell me what to do, and I no longer knew how to make decisions. I am quite happy being alone at age 70, there's nobody telling me what to do, how to do it, and that I did it wrong anyway!

@mapleleaf902 5 ай бұрын

I keep reminding myself how terrible living with the narc and his adult kids are. It helps me think I do not want to live this way for the rest of my life. And those that say turn the other cheek, I started thinking where I turn my cheek is the direction I need to go.. Away.

@RenaUnicorn 5 ай бұрын

I felt more alone with my ex partner than I am now. Being alone going where I want nobody's controlling belittling me or telling me how badly I dress . Or putting me down infornt of people.

@AndresHernandez2 5 ай бұрын

Right? How crazy is that, we were cool and they were the losers the whole time. It's crazy how much your life turns around. It's litterally incredible how my life changed after understanding who that person was and their intentions. So welcome to the freedom sis, now you are aware of the red flags and double guess your relationships because that is so important! God bless!

@gee09877 3 ай бұрын

😢That’s exactly what I went through

@gee09877 3 ай бұрын

The belittling in front of her family members but wouldn’t act that way in front of mine go does that make sense

@Jasmine_breeze 5 ай бұрын

I was in a relationship with a narcissistic man (diagnosed), for whom I ran his own company (yes!), raised a daughter and a dog, and also did all the house making (cooking, washing, cleaning after him and for him). He was literally lying down! And he told me that I couldn't do it without him, that no one would want me etc. Generally that I was old, hopeless and useless. And what? Now my life is like a vacation. I feel happy and free all day. Finally my time is mine and I live my own way. When I compare it to what a nightmare that relationship was, also in terms of physical condition and health, I can't believe I was stuck in it. I literally worked like a miner because there are only 24/7 for a constantly dissatisfied guy.

@klp63 5 ай бұрын

Same here. I’m 50, married 22 years and now divorcing (horrible process involving all Dr. Ramani warns about and more), and it was an epiphany to me when one day I said to my father “I don’t know how I’m going to do all of this all by myself” and he said “Yes you do! You’ve been doing it for 20 years!” It hit me like a ton of bricks. Other than working his day job and admittedly being the main breadwinner in that regard, my Dark Triad husband did nothing else.

@jokendrick2124 5 ай бұрын

Embrace the freedom and contentment.

@Jasmine_breeze 5 ай бұрын

@@klp63A relationship with a narcissistic person is like being in a cult. As long as you stick with it, everything seems logical. Only after I left was I shocked at what I was in for. Literally like brainwashed! It took me a long time to break free from him, not just because he tried to suck me back in. It was because of my grief over love and sacrifices and investments in this relationship that I made. I put years and all of my money in our "bright future" so I was completely broke and had no where to go. Fortunately, I had my anchor. After he told me he fell out of love with the news that I had cancer, it left an indelible impression in my memory. I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't forget about it and I talked about it. This is what triggers the rage in such people. Each fit of rage confirmed to me how good a decision it was because he was revealing himself once and once again. In general, I find that providing feedback effectively exposes narcissistic people. they literally lose control of themselves in a second. It took me about 4-5 years, but I finally freed myself not only from my ex, but from all my friends who supported him and even my friends who had narcissistic traits. I don't know what happened to me that was a breakthrough, but at some point these types of personalities became anti-attractive to me. It's literally like I have an allergy and I sneeze at the slightest allergen. Now I have a completely different environment and I can finally be myself. Living under the dictation of someone who only thinks about himself was a nightmare. Fortunately, every nightmare has an end. I keep my fingers crossed for all the people who are stuck in this or who have come out so that they have the strength to say to themselves: the king is naked. This partner is a nightmare and all his good qualities were fake or... made up to be there by yourself. You have the right to separate yourself from such a person. If you can't physically, at least do it mentally. Please seek support where they understand you. If someone doesn't get it and says "how is it possible to be manipulated because it wouldn't happen to me", it means that they don't know much about life yet.

@Jasmine_breeze 5 ай бұрын

@@jokendrick2124Yes! I feel like I was weightless despite my level of life dropped. But, frankly? It's a small price for freedom and self realization. Better to laugh on a bicycle than cry in Rolls Royce 😊

@maatthecat3966 5 ай бұрын

Being alone is absolutely wonderful compared to living with a narcissist.

@user-dv8xb4ve8v 5 ай бұрын

The moment the hope died was one of the best moments of my life. They aren't going to change. They don't want to change. I got it.

@lt827 5 ай бұрын

The longer I am alone after a narcissistic relationship, the less I worry about being alone. It's not a bad as society makes it out to be.

@beverlyadams7205 5 ай бұрын

I love it! It’s 75 I live in a senior apartment building by myself. I’m in good shape physically so I don’t need a caregiver. I’ve had one year of peace since I went no contact with my narcissist daughter. I hope that you’re able to remove yourself from your narcissist at some point. I was lucky. I am lucky to have the support of this group and the support of Dr.Ramani ❤️

@rwoodyk5112 5 ай бұрын

Absolutely! Being single is so underrated!

@user-ij1nv8be3i 5 ай бұрын

I follow my nose like a todler playing in a sandbox . Turned my old van into the simplest camper, my very own space. I follow what interests me, what I like to eat, the tv program I like to watch, paint a table black, visit a museum. I make small talk everywhere I go, knit a sweater, read a book and make my selection of what I want to see of this world.There's calmness in my head and feel better than ever. @@rwoodyk5112

@mikeymayhem5403 5 ай бұрын

Oh my goodness, this is exactly what I've experienced my whole life with my family as the scapegoat. Threatened with eviction if I set a healthy boundary, and have been emotionally/psychologically abandoned while living with them during the last 3 years of covid. So subtly abusive. I can't find a therapist who will take this seriously in my search for a therapist these last 3 years. These videos are such a relief, to be validated in my experience. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani.

@user-uq5qs5uh9k 5 ай бұрын

I never knew there was more like me out there

@emmadahlkvist-gt7ji 4 ай бұрын

You are not alone❤. I'm sorry you too had those painful experiences. Few people understand the meaning of being emotionally and psychology abandoned. It's subtle but yet so acutely painful.

@user-ck4ht6oc2d 5 ай бұрын

Living alone is a gift that I didn't know I needed. Since, he left to live with his mistress. I have not only lived but, thrived! Lost 55 lbs., volunteer for a service dog organization and hospice. People tell me I am " glowing". I feel younger than I have in years.

@AAXS-op1vo 5 ай бұрын

This is great!

@liseraphina2421 Ай бұрын

Congratulations on living your life so well. I am happy you were able to get free and THRIVE🌟❤️

@maatthecat3966 5 ай бұрын

they endlessly tell you you're the worst person in the world. When you say "I'm going to take my horrible self away and spare you the misery", then they complain about being abandoned. You feel a tremendous sense of relief, they're miserable. It wasn't you. They bring the misery to every occasion, to every relationship. That's how you know it's not you, it's them. And their rotten shrivelled heart is why they can't maintain better behaviour for long, if you're hopium enough to forgive them. When you walk away, like everybody who has done likewise, you'll be saying "I wish I'd left years ago". Staying with a narcissist is throwing your youth into a sewer and you'll never get that time back again. Run far, run fast, towards a better sneer-free life.

@AllOutBible 5 ай бұрын

If I'd had resources, I would have been able to leave my abuser years earlier. Probably cut my time in half. 10 years down to 5. Chronic health issues, long wait times for low income housing, and being isolated from resources was horrible. I had to leave a lot behind and become okay with being homeless in order to leave for good.

@jlcmsw 5 ай бұрын

After getting away from my narcissistic ex, I was afraid of being around people. I loved being at home by myself, but the thought of even going to the grocery store frightened me. I’ve been in therapy and my therapist has given me homework to go to events alone. I went to a concert alone, have a ticket to go to another one alone next year and I go swim at my city’s public pool a couple days a week. However, overall, I still much rather be alone. It brings me comfort and I have no desire whatsoever for another relationship.

@sunnydaye5942 5 ай бұрын

I like being alone now. It took a while. I can find the remote and the toilet seat stays down. Less messes to clean, less bills to pay, oh the things I am so grateful for.

@erinward2983 5 ай бұрын

I feel alone after going no-contact with my parent. My sisters are 2 years younger than I and identical twins. Our experience of childhood was entirely different. Our father singled me out, the easier target, to brainwash/gaslight/indoctrinate. They protected each other without knowing, maintained their innocence, and were oblivious (as was I) about what my parent was up to. He spent hours talking to me. I thought we were close, and he good. His family reinforced his entitled, self-righteous ways.

@janeloraine6231 5 ай бұрын

When hope died for me, I fell into an abyss so deep, light didn't reach me. My hands were too heavy to lift... depression squeezed me harder than his strangling hands. I am free of him, though he still smears and attacks through enablers. They never change. Freedom is sweet. Thanks for validating insights, Dr Ramani. ❤

@beverlyadams7205 5 ай бұрын

I stopped seeing my overt narcissist daughter, one year ago this month. I live by myself, and now that I am not at her beck and call for everything she wants me to do. I have control over my own time. Even though I’m mourn the loss of my daughter, I am more peaceful than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m 75 years old. Thank you Dr. Ramani for everything.❤

@rosemaryclarke2348 5 ай бұрын

I had my first Christmas dinner since 2016 yesterday; I went with friends and no one moaned at the waitress being late, no one criticised anything and no one blamed anyone for anything, it was brilliant!👍👍🥳🥳

@beverlyadams7205 5 ай бұрын

Isn’t it wonderful to be in the company of people who care about other people, who, listen to you, who, take an interest in your life? What a revelation to realize what I have done without my entire life.

@sunnydaye5942 5 ай бұрын

My fear of being alone kept me in the cycle of picking Narc types I got with. Took forever to figure out WHY. Now I enjoy life alone.

@aaronharbert746 5 ай бұрын

There doesn't seem to be any programs or support for men anywhere. I went to a hospital and told the Social worker what was happening. The social worker called my abuser! Then my abuser showed up at the hospital to tell me that they were blamed for everything! What can men do? Helping male Domestic violence sufferers only exists in one facility in the USA. Why in my state alone are there more than 100 for Women??

@user-jo7xh4pk2z 5 ай бұрын

Been out 2 years after 32 yr marriage. I am thankful that he taught me how to be alone. Fully enjoying being alone without him!

@Buster-im5so 5 ай бұрын

OMG. I attended a 24-day retreat and came home vertigo free and migraine free. Now, the headaches start creeping in along with confusion and heaviness. Again. You're reading my life, Dr. Ramani. Fear of being alone, not able to supply my needs, what will my two daughters think... I feel like trash swept into a corner in this house! I worry about health insurance, however, stress from this relationship ties into all my illnesses!!! She's been detrimental to my physical and psychological health care needs. Thanks to these talks from Dr. Ramani, I will begin the process of moving out to save my own life. Wow, I said it. I'll begin by writing down a description of my new home. Not leaving is self sabotage. My retreat felt so liberating and I want to live like that forever. My life really does depend on it. Thanks for being a constant in my life.

@SheilaChung-rt5iy 5 ай бұрын

I’m literally being alone right now. The positive is getting more peace and clarity with everything I do. I hope it’s not going to mean I’ll be a loner forever

@merianne 5 ай бұрын

I’m grateful for this channel. Just todays episode gave me relief. I use to get therapy and he abruptly cut the credit card without notice,, so I wasn’t even able to say bye to my therapist because it was an online program that cut off once the credit didn’t go through. It’s a nightmare but I’m grateful for the free resources like this channel. I know its a process and I’m optimistic. Thank you Dr. R.

@jokendrick2124 5 ай бұрын

I feel blessed to have married at 32 after having lived alone with just my dog. I was fine. I gave marraige a chance, but married a narcissist. So when he died the universe did me a favor and I have come full circle. I love living alone. I consult no one about anything. If I want something special to eat and a friend cannot go, I go alone. Have eaten out, alone since my 20s. I was lucky. I go on road trips with my dog but have done so forever. I was married 29 years, and he died 11 years ago. I couldn't be more content. But I maintained a semblance of myself throughout. I fought back, never gave up and so I guess I didn't completely lose myself during the narcissistic abuse. I have a number of friends in the same age group who are content alone. We support each other emotionally. Do the math. I'm 71. (I've always been painfully independent...)

@lt827 5 ай бұрын

The penny dropped! With a sibling who became narcissistic as a middle-aged adult, I need to let go of the person they used to be. They are no longer a happy caring person but rather a vindictive, manipulative person who cannot be trusted.

@sparkygump 5 ай бұрын

It's not being alone that hurts after she discarded me. It's the fact I became disabled THEN she discarded me and left me destitute. Having to deal with not only loneliness but the constant physical pain and poverty make it so hard.

@elizabethadams59 5 ай бұрын

I stayed alone for 8 years and I LOVED IT! Now that I know and learned about Narcissist Abuse, I’ve grown tremendously and met the love of my life. I feel SAFE with this man and we genuinely can tell each other what it is that we love about each other! Thanks to you Dr Ramani, I’ve got a life now that I once only could halfway dream of. God is the biggest part of it and I know he directed my path to finding you .

@theyellowshoe 5 ай бұрын

I can't leave cause I don't have the money is the reason I have to stay. I cope with this as seeing my narcissistic husband as an annoying roommate.

@shruthiananth3715 5 ай бұрын

Recently i got to know my parents are narcisits and my yiunger sister is mini version and i am a scape goat. Thank you for al ur videos. I was so confused as to whats happening. My parenta enabling my sister. This was a whole pattern of my child hood and is continuing. I want to break out of this mental abuse

@yukio_saito 5 ай бұрын

Actually, it's better to be alone than fear being alone. I enjoy solitude after I got rid of toxic people. 😊

@jacquelinegiordano432 5 ай бұрын

I was SO happy to finally be alone. To be able to watch the shows I wanted to watch, to listen to the music I wanted to listen to, to play the video games I wanted to play, to be able to chill out and read my novels on the couch without having to hide in the bathroom, to pick up my crochet hooks and start to love my craft again. Such a relief.

@user-dz7pi5wi6t 5 ай бұрын

Dealing with narcissistic abuse is difficult and life changing...but I've learned quite a bit from it. I used to be a people-pleaser and cared too much about others' feelings and making them happy. I used to wish that people would realize the truth about the narcissists and stop treating me badly. Now, I've learned to stay clear of anyone who believed or sided with the narcissists. I try not to people-please anymore and respect myself first. I am learning to trust my own intuition, thoughts, and feelings. I refuse to be easily swayed or influenced by others. Once someone gives me bad vibes, attitude, or disrespect, I take note and remember to avoid or distance myself from them in the future. They are likely friends or family of the narcissists. You need to be proactive and vigilant in protecting yourself and well-being. I only trust those who can see the narcissists for who they really are and have experienced the abuse first-hand.

@user-dd3ny4xb3w 5 ай бұрын

I had the loss of constant companionship while with him. But never alone. In fact my children and grandchildren and friends I was isolated from are now back in my life. Do I still dream of a healthy, loving, relationship or marriage? Of course I do. But I will tread carefully on the romantic side of things going forward

@demian8439 5 ай бұрын

You give me hope. I want my kids back in my life.

@user-dd3ny4xb3w 5 ай бұрын

@@demian8439 don't give up hope, God always has a purpose in the pain.

@JanGroh 5 ай бұрын

I am trapped in a relationship by finances now. It is daunting. TY for recognizing what we still can do.

@p.w.352 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for the insight on "guilty"thoughts. I struggle with this concerning a parent. It actually causes me such guilt, that I experience extreme anxiety about calling them on the phone.

@rosemaryclarke2348 5 ай бұрын

Sounds hard but think of YOU first, I didn't unfortunately.

@swl9270 5 ай бұрын

I’m struggling tonight with walking away from a narcissistic situation just this week. I’ll be 62 yo next week and finally have had the courage with supports of spouse/friends to walk. I’m dealing with the guilty/don’t care stage right now. One minute I’m liberated and next I think did I do the right thing, could I have done more, if I’d only…yet I know the truth I couldn’t fix anything for this person. Been a rough life and especially this week…thanks Doctor for these helpful videos! I’ve been watching or listening to many, many of them and they are most helpful!

@bereal6590 5 ай бұрын

It's bad enough we have insight and our own guilt but they are only too happy to pile on more guilt! That's my experience. I really resent it, I'm already very ill and they make me more ill. Toxic people just don't care how they affect you. They're right you are wrong and it's all about them. My mother conned me with her ways but she is bitter resentful and self centred. All the while appearing the sweet mom

@costelloandlizzievolk2233 5 ай бұрын

This is 💯 the dynamic with the narcissist in my family. Can’t win no matter what you do or say. I don’t engage, stay neutral, am friendly but keep boundaries, don’t express opinions because they rage if you disagree, yet they still attack me and are so negative abusive and mean. I have had enough. Prioritizing my life and my well being, knowing I am a good loving capable person. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

@stephenpaul3289 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr Ramini, I was away from my Narc Mother for 28 years and found myself back with her in her ageing years as shes now diagnosed with early Dementia. I miss so much those 28 years on my own lol sounds heartless but only a person living with a Narc knows what Im talking about. God Bless you and all survivors

@christinadennis1223 5 ай бұрын

I can relate a little. My Mil has a terminal illness. It's like waiting for the snowball to get big and bigger. I've managed to grey rock and only make contact, twice a year for the last few. I don't have a plan just back here listening and trying to stay strong. Wishing you strength and love this Christmas 🎄

@Jesteena.Codwell 5 ай бұрын

I thought I was going crazy but these videos outlines everything I was going through. It’s not yet a month since I gain confidence to leave after realizing that this would never change but now I’m stuck with thinking I should have never left but this video came at the right time

@seireiokami 5 ай бұрын

My parents literally put me out on the streets when I was younger, and now is like "Oh I will love you forever, why you don't talk to us. You are so unfair..." It's f@@ heavy.

@RobinSpeer 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. Ramani, I needed to hear this one today. Your teachings of "grey rock" and "DEEP" have help me immeasurably! When talking to people that think that "just leave" is the answer; it is very frustrating for me. It is not always that simple and there is no way that I would be able to afford to be on my own; never mind the mental toll of the "hoovering" and raging that would commence. With your videos and this great community, I have made small changes that have led to big strides on getting better and feeling less crazy; it may not be "healing" but at least some of the wounds have been stitched up!

@barryosullivan3428 5 ай бұрын

It may sound like a defeatist thing to say but when u have suffred narcissistic abuse for as long as I have-27 years by my family of origin-being alone is actually a blessing! After being shouted at and raged at for no reason, walking on egg shells constantly and being gaslighted and neglected and literally being forced into homelessness because of the constant abuse being alone is like finding an oasis in the sahara desert!

@swl9270 5 ай бұрын

Try 62 years of that stuff…hope for healing will NOT die for us!

@kimsummers2557 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your knowledge & wisdom, Dr. Ramani.❤🙏🏼

@bronwyntanner4501 5 ай бұрын

Love being alone. Six years happy joyous and free from the 14 years insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narc. My mind was totally screwed. I heal recover and grow daily Thank you Dr Ramani I listen to you daily😮

@marie-clairebarba-flores6249 5 ай бұрын

Dr. Ramani, your videos have been so helpful to me during 2023, my year of reckoning. After decades of tolerating abuse, I cut contact with a close relative. Did it cold turkey; however, fear and guilt remain (working on it). I finally understood the serenity prayer and accepted that this person will NOT change and that wisdom to know the difference means not me tolerating or changing my attitude toward the person, but focusing on ME, MY healing, and giving all my best to those that really deserve it. If healing means breaking with a close loved one, even a parent, so be it.

@mmmmarada 5 ай бұрын

I especially appreciated the part at the end about not having money, so not being able to leave. If you have a child with a narcissist who controls the family's money, it's so scary to leave. This is what trapped me and my child for years. Had I known the damage the narcissist was doing to my child in that time, I would have left in a heartbeat. This whole thing is so sad, being trapped by a crazy person who everyone tells you walks on water and can do no wrong.

@Gigiyoungerme 5 ай бұрын

I am 61 years old Yes I have been painted as a negative Nellie therefore believing my thoughts my value my trauma bonds repeated patterns was all my fault in cognitive dissonance You are so insightful I am on my way to my healing journey Many blessings to you for your work and your kindness ❤

@leannebridges258 5 ай бұрын

I'm so grateful you point out what people can do when they don't have financial means to leave. It's so pushed (in Western Society at least) that if you don't change your circumstances, you're choosing to be a victim, and that with hard work and gratitude you can magic your circumstances to something better, and an immense amount of shame and guilt arise from that. I appreciate you talking to the micro changes people can make if macro changes aren't possible. Thank you.

@emilysrokagrove 5 ай бұрын

The money part hit hard…paired with parental alienation. But I have beautiful friends and family.

@amelierosales1154 5 ай бұрын

Yes! Fan #1 doctor Ramani, your videos have helped me more than you can believe thank you❤

@amelierosales1154 5 ай бұрын

I left my narcisist (relationship) about a week ago or some after 14 years!!! It was a relief once I was out of the house. But I do ache, have been panicking, and crying sporadically. Nonetheless, it feels better to be away from them!

@stevie1861 5 ай бұрын

@@amelierosales1154keep going...

@pattyr8142 5 ай бұрын

I was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago. Didn't know at the time I was married to narc. He discarded me twice, all while having an affair with another person (new supply). I have now finally come to accept my inner peace and no longer being abused is a better quality of life 🎉 I can do this myself ❤

@Jerusalem_Warrior 5 ай бұрын

✔️✔️ 👍 Same here. They eat your brain and spinal cord! I was already at EDSS of 6.5 by the time I was diagnosed. I thought I was simply as screwed up as he said I was. Believe me - alone and with self care - you will thrive! Blessings from Jerusalem!

@annjohnson8437 5 ай бұрын

OMG ... I never even realized it, but I constantly judge my own thoughts. This video triggered a lightbulb moment for me. Thank you for posting this extremely helpful video! ❤

@PenninkJacob 5 ай бұрын

Giving up hope is like, "Welcome to reality"... ❤❤❤👍 Do you see a point where someone's situation is so desperate bc they have no money, etc, that suicide is actually valid?

@beverlyadams7205 5 ай бұрын

Radical acceptance. Facing reality is the only way forward. Thank you Dr Ramani❤

@JG-bs5xy 5 ай бұрын

It kept me stuck for a long time. I had relocated across the country for him and I had no supports locally. He totally had me doubting my decisions and perceptions. And he totally manipulated my dependence on him to where I felt I would not be able to be without him.

@AndresHernandez2 5 ай бұрын

I tried to be like my older cousin who was a narcisit and became a "wanna be narcisit" and thanks to your knowledge I am free from all that negative shit. I finally feel free and I am finding my self for the first time and I am a 29 year old male. I wasted all my time trying to be 'cool' like him but he only made me feel invalidated. Thanks to you Dr Ramani, I am now realizing that I was already cool and he was the loser this whole time. ❤ Now I have the best relationship with my wife THANK YOU DR. MUCH LOVE ❤️

@lms1068 5 ай бұрын

Looking back, abandonment was threatened constantly growing up. I followed it, grasping for it anyway i could. Now, the first one to abandon me - my mother, is alone and cannot work out why nobody wants her. She spent her life abusive and using everyone. She's got 2 flying monkeys left. Her family are leaving her behind.

@01toommenjr 5 ай бұрын

I am a woman 16 years suffering, and l lost my hope for my life. I am trying to get out from here and feeling no hope. Some time completely down

@01toommenjr 5 ай бұрын

I have no life in outside life. Mentally, I am down.I'm mentally and emotionally drained every day. l am wakes up. There is no hope

@TheTuni9 5 ай бұрын

There is hope in everything. i am thinking of you and praying for you. Do your best for yourself in your life.

@sherribauch5481 5 ай бұрын

Dr. Ramani, thank you for your videos. They have been so helpful in the journey to heal from a narcissistic relationship. Whenever I go into the fear of being alone the rest of my life, I hold up my hand, say STOP and remember how alone I felt in the relationship versus now that I have been out of the intense roller coaster and feel alone. And I remember how grateful I am for being alone and at peace now.

@DaniellesMicoMarley 5 ай бұрын

Everything, just every single thing you are saying is extremely validating. I needed to hear this. Thank you Dr Ramani

@helenewebster-sisk2407 5 ай бұрын

"Negative Nellie" Yes, Property Manager, Cherrie has done that to me with tenants against me. Narcissistic abuse of Gaslighted, devalued, invalidated, diminished, and attempted cast out.

@jessicaabbott10 5 ай бұрын

I grew up in a narcissistic family dynamic and was terribly shy growing up; but that desire to be with people was always strong, as long as I can remember. My therapist pointed out that I’m a shy extrovert, and explained how my shy nature was shaped in the first 5 years of my life due to early childhood trauma. So I get the fear of being alone. I crave REAL friendships, but felt still struggle at times with feeling of unworthiness after being chewed to pieces by the narcissist, especially after the shame that came from getting hoovered back in. My family had me convinced too that I’m alone without my family, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. It took stepping out from the dynamic completely to realize that I was far more alone being with them than without.

@alysiahite7086 5 ай бұрын

I made my escape happen. Money was an issue and still is but there are government resources out here that i do use. I am on a disability which helps and a little SSI. I have been away from him for 5 years now. Happy and free.🎉

@Petruss67 5 ай бұрын

I saw the fear in the eyes of my father on the moment he got dependend to the care of my mother... and became useless for her. He just wanted to die...

@everett552 5 ай бұрын

I WAS and FELT more alone in my marriage and last narc relationship after my divorce than I did before I met either one of them. Nearly 5 yrs single now and I LOVE IT! I love ME now more than ever. I will never compromise myself for another person ever again! I have no desire to enter into another relationship let alone another marriage. Single life IS the best life ❤

@empath7766 5 ай бұрын

I blamed myself for a long time. He had me convinced everything was my fault and I was the bad person. That's really their ultimate goal. It allows them to never take any accountability or responsibility for the things they say and do. In their eyes, they are perfect, and you are the deeply flawed human. They are the most despicable people on the planet.

@TallKulWmn1 5 ай бұрын

Dr Ramani thank you for validating the circumstances of some of us. Understanding how his mind (doesn’t ) work has relieved me of a lot of negative feelings about myself.

@spacegirl226 5 ай бұрын

I don't recall that I was afraid of being alone. Even after my marriage crumbled, I wasn't afraid of being divorced and leaving my ex husband. I was afraid that I'd have to go back "home" to my "family" who messed me up so much in the first place. I'd give ANYTHING right now to be alone and not stuck with these demons who drain the life out of me, who destroy any little bit of joy and hope because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. I'm pretty darn good at keeping myself occupied and busy because I was lonely even when I was married and in the same room with my spouse. I already was lonely. Growing up with my family, I was lonely. I've experienced that. It doesn't scare me. Being alone means I'll finally get some peace! Now all I want is to be left alone. I want solitude. I want to make decisions for myself about what I do and whether or not I choose to spend that time with someone else. Thanks, Dr. Ramani. Merry Christmas, survivors!

@lindsay3793 5 ай бұрын

12:28 and on, trying to manage the relationship is spot on.

@lindsay3793 5 ай бұрын

13:17 omg yes he did call me out for being boring. He said I have "no substance." How TF was I supposed to express substance when I'm constantly walking through a minefield?! This is so accurate. I feel seen.

@lindsay3793 5 ай бұрын

42:32 yes I moved back with my mom. She's currently giving me the silent treatment. It is all so humiliating. I need to get my own place but it is so expensive here. I need to move far away on my own and I am afraid. Afraid of changing jobs and being so far by myself.

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 5 ай бұрын

Thank you dr Ramani. Your wisdom, compassion and advice are invaluable for me. God bless you❤

@420lisia 5 ай бұрын

It is like your standing on the shoulders of the confident, self assured, happy part of yourself trying to be seen by the narcissist and feel the water getting higher creeping up your leg and you realize slowly the good healthy parts of yourself are drowing by the negativity and lies

@karencox8699 5 ай бұрын

Hope in God is completely different from hope in the difficult person! I retain hope in my God but NOT these other people changing- they can’t!

@SweepDailyWin 5 ай бұрын

Just reached 1 year no contact from cruel and demonic narc "Mother" & "sister" ...garbage people. Now my nervous system can start to heal and there is always peace in my home. Still getting hoovered because they're so jealous of me.

@Lola-mt1ne 5 ай бұрын

I've done this and it happened today. I found myself in a conversation just today with someone who had no interest in communicating. Enough.

@carolemullen7273 5 ай бұрын

What ended my marriage was deciding to not fight anymore-only a crazy person fights with themselves. He got really mad but I was done

@edgarcastillo2804 5 ай бұрын

He is sick: run, he is feeling bad. Need a lot of care. "How is him, send him my regards!" I am sick: time to take care of myself alone. Nobody gonna come. I have to save me with my own means. Sofie🐶 my personal nurse liking my 38.6 °C face.

@loisrogers9042 5 ай бұрын

I'm almost 70. My long-term relationships fail, & I've blamed myself saying to myself & others, I guess I'm just not cut out to be married, etc. I've suffered from depression since forever, and after I left home at 20 yrs old, I started going to therapy. I've been going on and off for most of my life, and been continuously on head meds for abt 30 yrs. I never found a therapist that really addressed the childhood roots. I find your site and one other much more helpful. Thank-you.

@sheilamartin1577 5 ай бұрын

Sometimes Dr. Ramani, the barrier to healing is the exhaustion from the insanity and abuse. You just need to set it all aside and focus on the beauty away from the chaos and wreakage.

@keariewashburn4680 5 ай бұрын

I would like to have my own place , finances, and a loveable new puppy.

@keariewashburn4680 5 ай бұрын

Better health and painting.

@jokendrick2124 5 ай бұрын

Sounds like a great plan. Hoping you achieve your goal. Its wonderful to be alone answering to no one.

@yaminiayachitam 5 ай бұрын

I am a south Indian too. It is very much prevalent in the traditional homes that husband is above god. The wife's life is to just serve the husband.

@Anonymous1-nh4gv 5 ай бұрын

I am a 61 year old woman, in a Narcissistic marriage of 40 years. I have no way of supporting myself, as I have fibromyalgia and diagnosed severe social anxiety. I have zero hope and zero motivation. I have no family to be able to go live with. Absolutely no money and zero control in this relationship.

@robinchilds7492 5 ай бұрын

I'd rather be alone than to spend one hour with a narcissist. My last relationship was with a Christian Covert Narcissist. Words can't explain what I went through.

@Etherealvioletco 5 ай бұрын

So helpful ❤ Especially during the holidays

@totonow6955 5 ай бұрын

I love Dr. Ramani. Hang in there special people. ❤

@agatakjoy 5 ай бұрын

We say "hope dies last", but we also say "hope is the mother of fools". I like to believe that I have a lot of hope, but I do not put it in the illusion of repairing a relationship with my narcissistic father. Rather, I have hope in my own healing, I trust I will be able to fulfill my potential and thrive in spite of how I was raised.

@user-nl7hj8jo3g 5 ай бұрын

What a blessing to hear on Christmas Day. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

@tonyp7651 5 ай бұрын

This video is exactly what I needed to listen to right now, today, and for where I am in my life. A year of cycling through grief after separation and fear of losing custody has left me severely diminished mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. You and your videos have really helped me identify issues I’ve been experiencing for years, and am now just able to really process what is/was going on with me. I don’t know how to thank you enough for what you have done for me and others.

@koeltefontein 5 ай бұрын

I kept in due to someone who told me that diabetis caused the rage and that he didnt know what he do. Thank you due to your videos I am free now. But I can still not deside about nothing.