Thanks for watching. I hope you're taking care of yourself during these crazy times. If you want to learn more about that Connect and Commit course, here's a link: modernlove.life/connect-and-commit

My ex is so full of regret and guilt she won't even talk to me.

Had lunch with my ex the other day at her job while she was on break. As I left I drove past her and said subtlety ,"I love you." She said "I know you do." I looked in the mirror and she had the best smile on her face. Biggest smile I have seen from her in a while. Felt good! We have "going out" quite a bit. I have focused on building our emotional connection. Everything seems to be getting better. Slowly but better.

#1 - 1:10 - They find reasons to keep you in their life that are not practical. #2 - 2:15 - They tried to get an emotional response from you. #3 - 3:59 - They turn toward you for help or emotional support in challenging times. #4 - 5:55 - They flirt with you or interact with you in a manner a regular friend would not. (Other test: imagine if either or both of you had new partners and they'd see you interact and would they object?) #5 - 7:12 - They probe about your dating life. Or they make it clear they are available.

I love how all these videos of an “ex” just popped on my feed for no apparent reason

This video has got me feeling pretty positive! I know things between me and my ex have been going pretty good, but sometimes I need to watch videos to remind myself what to look for. Working on yourself and working on the emotional connection really does wonders. This guy knows what he's talking about.

Thanks for your videos. They're very positive, realistic and are encouraging. I like that you don't encourage mind games and all that. Especially no contact. So many people push for that but it only benefits you if you want to get over them. Not to get them back yet so many force it on you practically lol

This video brought up alot of good points that I've been noticing the past year we have been split up

Thank you, Clay. I see these signs and I'm praying that you are right. (So far you have been 100% right).

This is really positive

I’m first again! Can you please do a new video on rebounds? Preferably long term ones.

How do you tell the difference between your ex wanting to keep you around to get back together or to use you as a back up plan?

My ex feels definite regret right now. I did no contact and she randomly sent me a text sending me a new song from our favorite artist. Like she was really happy to share it with me. She acted like nothing happened. Also she posted on Twitter something to make me angry/get a reaction. I didn’t even look or want to look at her social media but a friend showed me. It honestly didn’t bother me bc it was obvious that she was trying to do it. She sees me having fun with my life and I think she wants to bring me down because I’m happy without her. She’s trying to use little mind games on me now without telling me she wants me back. I can see it for what it is though and it honestly just makes me happy every time I notice it. If she wants to be with me she’s gonna have to try to be a part of my life. She obviously wants me to reach out and I know it’s just gonna give her an ego boost and show that I’m here if she needs me and she can go date around while I wait. Nah. Screw that! Like I said, she’s gonna have to try to be a part of my life. Good to know she’s starting to see my value now 🤷🏻‍♂️ I’m sure I’ll get another text in a week from now with even more emotion to wanting me back instead of sending me a song. I did reply to her text bc the reason we broke up was bc I lost attraction and she saw it and broke up with me. I’m texting her very reserved messages. All I said was “Oh hey. Haven’t seen it yet. Been busy. Thanks!” Oh and I waited awhile to text her back to show that I’m not needy.

Hi Clay, thanks for the detailed video. Given sign 2 where they try to get an emotional response from me, be it jealousy, or nostalgia from shared memories posted on instagram stories, how should one respond? Or should one even respond?

Oh this is soo true. He is holding onto my stuff so that I call him asking he give them back to me. He tries to pick fights with me bt I always remain calm nd it frustrates him. 😂😂😂 He wants me to believe his lies, whn I don't he gets angry and desperate. He regrets leaving and wants me bt his pride is standing in his way.

He’s not initiating contact, but he’s conversational. He made sure to tell me he’s single. I even thought I’d seen him out somewhere. When I asked if he was out he sent me a picture saying this is what I look like now. I’m confused and don’t want to come on too strong.

I’ve been building up the emotional connection and it’s gotten pretty strong. We spend great time together in person and talk everyday. However, my ex still doesn’t want to admit that there is something between us. Pulls away at any mention or action that’s overtly romantic. However occasionally slips up and has “moments of weakness”. Our connection is strong but it’s like the elephant in the room. We’ve also had a same team convo and we communicate pretty well. How do i move them from crisis point to new beginnings and assist them to navigate their indecision (their in a rebound) if we can’t actually speak about what’s between us?

My situation is really hard to gauge most of the time. Everything on paper makes me think I’m just pathetic and want someone who is toxic and clearly doesn’t want me... but I live with my ex, didn’t have anywhere to go after the break up and we were kind of just on a break when our lease ended so we both signed a new lease together. We’ve always been close and make each other laugh a lot, I’ve been there for her through some truly traumatic things and know about all of her childhood trauma which she hadn’t shared with anyone until we were together. I was her first mature adult relationship. But right when everything felt like it was going extremely well and it felt like we were both happy, she cheated on me with someone how we both work with, we work for a huge company so it was easy to not see each other for most of the day. And I asked her if she really wanted this person and she said no she was just scared of our seriousness. I was okay well you need to chose what you want. So she chose me but then proceeded to cheat several more times and we starting to be very cold towards me as well and then our roommate who was like a big sister to her bailed on us and we never saw or heard from her again, so I knew that was very painful for her, I know it was and still is for me too. But she just didn’t find comfort in being around me, I also had broken my ankle the last couple months we were together and she treated it like something easier and less painful than it was. She complained when I asked her to get things for me. I could get to the kitchen but obviously couldn’t carry back whatever food I made and by that point I was in a lot of pain with how badly my foot would swell while not elevated. She was just awful so I was you need time to work through whatever is going on with you because I feel like you hate me all the time and I didn’t do anything to deserve it. She agreed to the break. But it turned into a break up. She said she though she’d want to get back together after a week but the other person heard we were broken up and made her move. So they’re together now almost a year and our lease is coming to and end. But my ex hangs out in my room with me every night and wears my sweatshirts and we always say what the other is thinking for random things in movies. Like oh this scene reminded me of this movie. It just feels like how it used to be but she’s someone else’s. Just feel like she likes the companionship with me that she doesn’t get a lot with her gf but she says she still wants to be with her gf and marry her and have kids... I just don’t get it.

Never will I take her back. To much I’m trying to accomplish now. Time doesn’t rewind for no one move on there is better everything out there.

Thank you 🙏

My ex texts me to show me random stuff. He text me to tell me he’d put the artwork I made him was on a better wall in his house, and showed me pics several times. 👀

She still lives with me (been together 25 years) and I'm not seeing a lot of these signs. that's sad, other than wanting help or telling me things she doesn't need to.

My ex left all of her stuff, my family, sister specifically asked about her Social and etc. My ex stated she had all she needed. Around 2-3 weeks I'd gotten random calls figured it was her, then reach out. She was calm etc, asked questions about me. I made the mistake of reliving our breakup etc. However, not all reminiscing was bad. After, things got heavy for her, and I just backed off for 4-5days and reached out. She was silent, then I noticed her actions weren't as they were before. I deactivated my fb one night cause I just needed change, to disappear..I got a text around 1:22pm the next day asking if I had her social? Is this a Hoover or what? Why now? It's been an entire month. Reason for breakup (Didn't feel like she had a voice) was together for 2years.

She displayed all these signs some more than others, which made me wonder why she just didn't take me back but then I remembered that she was dating someone already the entire time, lying to me telling me she was single. Now I realize she probably blocked/removed me and was being very rude to me because she wanted to create distance but also because I did say some things that may have caught her off guard. I have a LOT of information I'm keeping out for the sake of keeping this comment short but if anyone is interested in hearing my story then sure.

I broke no contact after 7 weeks He called told me he misses me hes sorry for what he did and he said I love you I still have all the things you gave me. He asked me if Im dating anyone I said no i asked him the same he said I am single . I LOVE HIM with all my heart I know God wants us together

Hey Clay, I need a bit of advice please, my ex and me have been getting on great by text and over the phone too but I cannot seem to get him to meet up with me. He just keeps telling me we will in three weeks and that we will eventually meet up? What steps can I take that would help to get him to meet up with me? :)

Iv had all these signs and the extra sign she still won't get close

We have big fights last month and he broke up with me, first he told me he went me “just be a friend “, then few weeks later,My ex he told me he can’t move on and he wants love himself to open heart to other and he told me I’m still in his mind, and he miss the girl who he dated..how cool I am, and call me babe...etc, does he means he wants me back? ( I’m confused, We are long distance relationships and age gap and different countries) I need your help 😢

Thanks for your videos Clay! :) I really appreciate your approach with not playing mind games. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, I did 4 months active no contact and reached out casually few weeks ago. He was polite but guarded, and could sense he wanted to end the text conversations. I managed to get him to open up that he is worried about giving me false hope. Is this common? I went onto reassure him he doesn't need to worry about that, that I was reaching out in the hope we could catch up as friends and that I'm not here to add pressure on him. He then happily and straight away agreed to my suggestion of meeting up over coffee in few months time? Is this a good sign? :) (By complete chance I've been allocated to work in a hospital in a city near him for next few years. We went long distance before we split).

Never got recommended these videos before (Gf breaks up with me). All of my recommended videos LMAO

So me and my ex broke up earlier this month. I got dumped. Now a few weeks later/almost a month and I decided I should get back on the dating apps. Well what do you know joe there my ex was. I happen to find them on two different apps and it was a real blow to my ego. They told me to move on so I’m trying to. I’m still hurt though. We have a few more months to live together.

Hey Clay, March was great betw me and my ex. We broke up a year ago but we never *really* broke up as we would still hang out, and kiss and stuff she confessed she loved me again later last yr. But end of the yr ended it while being long distance as she had feelings for an old friend.. theyre now in a relationship but still LDR. We talk everyday, but it has gotten much less recently. Last week she told me im the only person who brings her comfort and she thinks of me when shes sad etc.. and acknowledged it might not be right to say since she has a bf... but she has really pulled back recently..? I dont know what to do :(

Hi clay ...Ok heres my thing. My ex and i had a good relationship when we were together. My ex broke up with me in july twice last year. We were engaged. The second break up was bad. I said somethings and asked if she was cheating and said yes to me. She said all we do is fight right now....also She called the pd on me over something bs. So i blocked her and her family bc of the bs of that..she still lives with her mom which is nothing bad about that .... But after that we would run into eachother from time to time. In nov. Of last year someone that knew us both talked to her said she was acting weird and she said she seeing someone else. Also during nov. She liked my fan page fb. She changed her profile pic a few times. As of right she still on my fan page and she still has a pic of just herself on both profile pics..and has try to see what im up too...she still has me blocked .. what do you think of it?

only the last sign :( and right after i told him i am single, he wanted me to visit him to hang out together but also added "please do not get your hopes up.I want to be good friends with you and because i dont want to hurt you..." --.--

Why did my ex block me from text and email and told me before he did it, “you’re my weakness and I thought you’d always be my best friend but now I know I can never accept you as just that. And my feelings for you are set in stone and will never change. I can’t talk to you anymore if I want to respect my healing and move on.” That’s a very bad sign, right?

Could u plz do a video about drunk texting.. Abusive, nice n kinda jealous ones? Like my ex dumped me after 3 months but wanted to keep me somehow in his life. Hooked up with a female friend 3 days after dumping me n they got together. But she yelled at him only 2 months later n called him names. N after one month of don't answering his short text messages he got aggressive n drunk texted n abused me verbaly. N told me how gud he feels now with tht other girl. N later he told me I am the crazy one but still he started all tht n told me he never wanna see me again. I ruined his chance of friendship with him (I never asked for.. He wanted it) he started telling me wht he disliked in me After 3 months of dumping.. N still I am a very gud woman. First time after dumping me he used to be extremely nice n calm.

Me and my ex fiancé broke up Aug 2019. I still miss him everyday. We saw each at a party on feb 14 2020 and we made out right in the middle of the party. He whispered in my ear “ we are never getting back together” your exact same words!! There’s been a few instances like you mentioned in the video but he immediately puts his guards back up. And goes back to being distant 😭

Can u do a video about if ur ex bought u a phone and he ask for it back

Got 1 out of 5 he stays in frequent contact with me we have no reason to be in each other's life no property business or kids bit contacts me on a frequent basis

My Ex wife has gone from bragging about her rebound, to saying to me, it is killing her every time we pass in town and ignore each other, never saw that coming Clay, what’s probably changed ?

How do you get to a point where they admit it? Rather then going back and forth saying sweet things one week, opening up, spending time together then next week being quieter and very guarded? I feel if she could just admit that she’s confused or torn between me and the rebound that there is something there between us that would be a big first step. Why however, it seems like admitting it is not something she has any interest in doing. Why is this? Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone?

My ex does ALL of these every few months! It's been years since they broke up with me though? What do I do to get them back ???

my ex says we should have the conversation about getting back but she keeps avoiding it and its weeks overdue. tells her friends that she thinks i'm too good for her??? anything here you can help me with? :(

What if he is trying to jailbreak into my phone by sending me spam emails?Is it to hurt me or does it mean he hates me?

Clay we are talking again, but when I ask when we can meet up , he won’t commit to anything… he just says let’s see how things go…. ☹️

She put a CPO on me but she is still contacting me & my family & stalking my Facebook... Why does this happen

2 out of 5 She still wants to be friends with me She makes me jealous Idk if it's a good look for me, Clay but I'm still hoping

How about talk about divorced w kids no contact silent treat ect

What if sign #1 is just doing it as friends?

Which Toxic are we talking about the one that ain't dead listen I'm not around any of my X'S There a X For a reason so how am I gonna examine there behavior see where I'm going with this thank you ♍👍 Have a nice Day !!

Hi Clay, ok my ex and I have been getting along in a positive way. It appears I have hit all 4 signs. He reached out to ask me about if the DMV was open. Another time was he wanted my help to fill out the an application for unemployment because if the "situation" and he has been calling me "bae" lately. And finally he wants me to partner with him on a business idea. What are your thoughts. On a side note not sure about the business as of yet.

My ex wife says she wants to start hanging out together. She hasn't led me to believe she wants to get back together. I need help. What do I do clay?

What if they're just turning to you to just use you for what support or convenience they want from you!!

What if all signs don’t exist but some do?

My ex love bombed me and then 5 months later she went from super hot to extremely cold in one day and just left. No explanation or what so ever. It took months before she would tell me that she felt confused and that she was triggered by something I did. Nothing serious but it was something her old narcissistic ex did at one point which lead to something negative... So she basically judged me for something her ex did to her. Anyway it’s been 4 month now since the breakup and she just reached out a few days ago. She told me she was looking each day at old pictures of me. Remembering all the fun we had. She missed me and many times she was in doubt if she did the right thing... So I felt it was time to respond, because she said something substantial. I told her that I would be open if we could have a talk about how to make things work. Well she went silent again. She’s a dismissive avoidant. But yeah if she doesn’t reach out after this then I’m done. I’m not gonna play narcissistic teenager mind games or waste my valuable time for someone who doesn’t even know what she wants. Because this is exhausting and damaging. If she wants to sit in her own self pity then that’s up to her. I wanna live and share my life with someone who wants to do the same.

What about being asked to watch their grandfather's funeral video together for the 3rd sign?

I'm in love with my ex... 🙈

Hi clay How do i ask you for advice on a situation?

My ex told a tall tales to all of her friends that I was this "terrible" person, so she just had to leave after 4 years together. The truth is, while the breakup was horrific and terrible and didn't end well on both sides, she left before after bored. I was consistent and wasn't shiny anymore. She she cheated and moved in with the neighbor 2 months after breaking up. That said, she doesn't contact me and I only have her blocked on FB but she can easily reach me on everything else and I intentionally left my social media open and public for her to see. I've noticed that she has changed her profile photos on her social media a lot faster than she ever did when I was with her. First it was her and the new bf. Then just her. Then back to the bf and 7 days later her and her child and then back to her. All within 4 months. Her Instagram photo never changed when I was with her for 4 years and it's changed 3 times since the breakup. Just her, then her and the bf and now back to her but an old photo of our old place together. Now maybe none of those things mean anything. Maybe I'm over reaching in my head and going down a rabbit hole of hope that her rebound is failing. She could be very happy but I don't notice things and get social media profile pics are constantly changing and from what I know of her, it's just a different trend. Now I say all that because my theory is she regrets breaking up with me but she told the tall tall tale of the terrible ex (me) that she doesn't have the ability to admit she made a mistake and I think she wants me back but the backlash she would get would be too great because of the social media world and how she left and how it ended. Oh well, her loss, not mine. My ex was 37 and I'm 36 and while she's doing the neighbor, I'm living life and having a great time with girls half my age.

Wow my ex does all of these things😂 everyone one she even talks about her sex life😂

area all these during or after no contact.

1. She blocked me on social media. Not on the fence. 2. She hasn't contacted me in almost 90 days. No emotional response. 3. She hasnt turned toward me for support. She is a VA nurse. Plenty of stress. 4. No flirting. No contact. No interaction. 5. I have no love life. Nothing to prove. But if she contacted me idk if it's her business. So I've had nothing, nada, zilch in the past 3 months... DO YOU THINK I HAVE A CHANCE??? BAHAHA! no thanks on the course.

If he flirts sexually with you? I'm confused with mixed messages. He says we're friends but he flirts sexually via texts while checking in on me. But only texts every 2 weeks or so.

Hi Mr clay. My ex boyfriend we are still contact each other but sometimes he cold and sometimes he hot. And we are planning to see each other for dinner and talk about us after Lock down.. hope you help me I need your advice.. I always watching you video. Thanks

What if they delete all your pics on fb

Clay...my boyfriend has got very bad negative impressions about me..he still thinks of our good times we spent together..but I m now just a known person to him nothing else...and..his mind is full of negativity about me..those positive vibes are not enough to make him skip those negative impacts upon me..how can I make him positive about me?please reply I need ur suggestion....few days ago he sent me our old chat screenshot...and said that our plans our goals our dreams that we had together can never become our reality.. because it's over...please help what should I do to change his negative mind ?

Hi, I can not afford these programs but still want help. Please help

He turned to warn my ex wife in my mother used to despise each other for the entire 12 years we were married. Almost is soon as she left my ex wife in my mother seemed to have become best friends overnight. Is this good or badd?

What about if he was rude to me and then blocked me of guilt and rage and then he friended me on socials/video games ☝️😃

My ex emailed me the other day and said Are you pregnant? Lol

Does visiting roaming in my orbit without any reason count??

If I’m a musician an she says we’re not friends but she wants to be apart of my music a example of this?

When an ex wants to plan for a baby and sees you in the future and the rest of his life. But gives you weird mix signals. Telling you they want a baby but can’t at the moment give you a title lmao

my ex broke up with me two months and after a month we started talking again but we had a tensed conversation recently.... don’t know what to do??

what do you do if if your in these situations? maybe a video stating what to do if your ex is giving these signs? how to handle them the best way to get them back?

So I had a dream about my ex. All that happened was that I grabbed her hand and she sat on my lap. This isn't the only dream I've had about her. It's not been a continuous thing but happens every so often like 2-3 times a week. What does that mean?

I'm a 38 year old male, just had a bad break up with a female who essentially moved on to another female(Stud) she works with. I was in no contact for going on 4 weeks. Just last night she texted me " How are you? And Why haven't you texted me to at least see how I'm doing" after this text I did everything wrong based on your videos. All your KZfaq coaching went out the window and my heart and instinct took over. One of Her last statements to me was "And I'm not saying we are Back Together" Our Relationship would be 3 years in June. Any help would be appreciated.

One ex I have a child with. But he is married to my cousin by blood. He is very toxic and abusive. And he and my cousin are stalking,harassing,and making on going threats. I have gone no contact with them. But their contacting me online still. I don't want any contact with them at all. They cause non stop drama and stress. I want to lose the emotional connection with them. Any ideas on how to?

So... We broke up a month ago (loss of attraction)... I did some no-contact (about 15 days), she wanted to go out, and we did, and she then sent me a text "thanks for going out with me, now it's confirmed that youre not man for me, not attractive anymore" etc. She also said she wants to be a friend. I blocked her then, and after few Days said ok, we can be friends. We had one or two really nice conversations - then she said "i don't want to talk anymore, i want to move on and forget you". And that happend. But after five minutes, she said "but i want to talk to you", and we are being frienldy since then (talking, small helps to each other, laughing, hanging out etc./she also sent me her picture of tshirt i gave her, and said "look what am i wearing", i said jokingly "glad its not in the garbage" and she said "how could i do that" ), but also there are some "negativities" (like "sorry i cant have you on Instagram"), currently were being friendly, i really DID improve as a person (and will even more), now what should i do next? And if she asks something about our relationship, should i be totally honest or should i avoid some things?

I went back to see my ex after 5yrs as I wanted to see if I was in love with him. Second time I saw him he had told his new gf I was coming and she kept calling. He said shes trying to keep us from being intimate. I felt he was using me to make her jealous but could he of been trying to make me jealous? We were once in love but found out he was in love with an ex also.

Hey really important question do these still apply if we’ve been “friends” for 4 months directly after the break up or is everything she is doing now just as friends.

What to do if ex wants to keep in touch with me? He said he wants to keep in touch with me a bit

Aye clay why would an ex want to meet up to talk

How do i get a hold of you

After 4 months of being broken up I have met up with my ex to get some of stuff that she wanted to give me back, she hugged me tightly and started crying, after some minutes she said that she never felt more loved than with me and kept holding on even tighter. I don't want to get my hopes up to high, but is this a good sign? BTW she broke up with me. Thanks for the videos, I've been following them for the last 4 months.

My ex does all of these. Should I be happy? •́ ‿ ,•̀

My ex obviously does all 5 off these things. No doubt. But you're saying that she won't admit it? So if I'll do nothing, nothing is going to happen?

😂😂😂