Want to date? 😂 ❤ Half joking. 🙃 I hear you though. When we give too much of ourselves away to fix others it is depleting. Ultimately it’s just us repeating childhood patterns- if I do better, if I fix them, if I make them happier they might love me finally… maybe mirroring our relationship with a parent? For me it is anyways. Give give give and choosing partners that take take take and nothing is good enough. Very imbalanced and unhealthy until we realize this unresolved patterns root cause

This clip doesn't address this well but I would say a boundary doesn't actually have consequences, whereas an ultimatum does. Ultimatum is: 'if you don't do x, i will do y' Boundaries: 'I'm going to do x, regardless of your y' What she listed was an ultimatum, and I agree it can be problematic. I can sense you still have some resentment here, but do consider that even opinions we don't like may hold some validity hidden among anger.

An ultimatum is a form of setting a boundary, but not all boundaries are ultimatums. Its also not a boundary if you set an ultimatum but don’t follow through on it.

@@jeffbrownstain I’m not mad. I’m just confused. Like. When you’re trying to communicate with someone about your needs and you want to keep them around. It’s giving them a chance to do right. Like say they are teasing you about something that you don’t like, you say , that really hurt my feelings, can you not tease me like that anymore. And then they are yeah yeah but do it again then you just don’t say anything? Okay but say you’re married and have kids and are financially intertwined with another person. (My example) and the issue is don’t talk to this one girl you kissed behind my back 5 years ago, but they were friends since kids. So you catch him talking to her. Not sexual. And you say if you talk to her again we are going to have to take steps back? And I did. He went crazy but I left the relationship. Like I feel like the conversation is important. And I feel like it’s okay to tell the person like this is hurting me, and if it continues, I can’t be around anymore. I feel like if that is a ultimatum then so be it? Lol like it would be different if the thing was like if you choose to follow your career path we can’t be together. Because that is controlling. Idk. I think people get too wrapped up in words. For me personally, I really just try and look at the intent and reason why someone is saying something. Someone help me lol

@justmeliving teasing someone about an insecurity is mean and abusive. It's perfectly normal to tell the person to stop or else. Why would you let someone keep being hurtful? That's not fair to you. Good for you for putting your foot down and demanding what you want from your partner. He obviously didn't care enough about your feelings to correct the behaviour you stated was causing you pain and creating problems in the relationship. He didn't clean up the mess he created and even kept interacting with the person. Good riddance. He seems like he wasn't as invested as you were and wanted him to be. You sound like a balanced, emotionally healthy person. Don't second guess yourself, keep doing what feels right to you. One tip I've found helpful is, whether it's self talk or the way someone is treating you, ask yourself would I want this treatment for my child? What would I tell them if they came to me with this issue? We tend to be hardasses on ourselves so it's good to frame it this way to gain more compassion and care for ourselves. All the best!

You can put subtitles on the shorts, just click the 3 bullets on the right top and then you should be able to click on subtitles and choose a language (sorry for any errors, English is not my first language)