The 4 Main Attachment Styles in Relationships (+ The Attachment Theory)
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Жыл бұрынToday I'm talking about the four attachment styles and how they play out in relationships. My name is Kati Morton, I'm a licensed therapist sharing how attachment styles affect our relationships, and how you can learn to recognize them and adjust your behavior accordingly. We'll be covering relationship attachment issues, styles and the attachment theory model. We will also talk about anxious attachment, avoidant behavior, and much more.
Also, if you're struggling with attachment and boundaries, I have a LIVE boundaries workshop that will be in January. You can find more details here: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/hea...
If you're looking to understand your relationship better, be sure to watch this video! It'll help you to understand how your attachment style affects your relationships, and how you can change it to improve your relationships.
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If you're wondering if you're overly attached in your relationship, this video is for you! I will tell you about the four attachment styles and how they can affect your relationship. After watching this video, you'll be able to understand why you and your partner behave the way you do and how to best manage your attachments!
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@Katimorton Жыл бұрын
I have an attachment workshop to help anyone struggling with attachment issues. For more information & to sign up, visit here: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/attachment-workshop-a26y6
@kenrickbautista6141 Жыл бұрын
I guess I've always been looking for attachment. Everywhere I go, I just want to feel good enough for people; and to feel loved, accepted and understood. I really can't stand the feeling of loneliness and insecurity.
@brookels66 Жыл бұрын
You are not alone, friend🤍
@DaRyteJuan Жыл бұрын
You apparently didn’t understand what this video said … lol.
@hsavage2899 8 ай бұрын
@@DaRyteJuanyour just mean.
@christophermiller4969 8 ай бұрын
Kind of feels good to know I'm not the only one feeling this ...
@ssbarchive_ 6 ай бұрын
@@christophermiller4969 Have you tried getting help or found someone to speak with about this?
@josefineheyn4970 Жыл бұрын
I’ve struggled with attachment for a very long time. I’m extremely self sufficient, to the point where I’ve refused any kind of dependency on others. I’m in therapy now and starting to work through it. It’s scary, but I’m hopeful, as I’ve already become better at opening up to others and started being a bit more vulnerable around my close friends. I have a lot of work to do, but I think I might actually get better :)
@CRFSUIGENERIS 8 ай бұрын
Same ❤! Good luck and rooting for us!
@ZBatt1 17 күн бұрын
How did you get close friends? Are these life long friends or new friends?
@abebber2008 Жыл бұрын
Life is often an abusive relationship because the worst part of being a human is the fact that we have needs which we cannot meet ourselves and must be met through other people. So much love lost, and nothing but hate found. All I want for Christmas, is my experience of life to end.
@mattdonna9677 Жыл бұрын
Austin, don't go yet. Millions of us suffer, as you are. The pain of being lonely is difficult, the pain of being in abusive relationship is far worse. I will not assume to know what you are struggling with, just know there is much beauty in this world and good people are out there . Yes, other people do hurt us and can be cruel, I share a house with a narcissist. Please don't give up yet , there is someone in this world who needs you. Find them.
@indridcold8433 Жыл бұрын
I found I really can meet all my own needs. After trying to assimilate the customs and protocols of being social in order to obtain the supossed, "healthy relationship," I was abused painfully when I thought I made a connection. What is healthy about that? This, I returned to what I know. Independence, self-reliance, resourcefulness is what I regained when I returned to social isolation. I function so much better without humans in my life. Others just want to dominate me, and disregard all of my thoughts. I find nothing healthy about that nor of importance. Self-reliance and avoidance of others has never let me down. I am not going to try to accomplish an amicable, nor amorous, relationship again.
@dawns4641 Жыл бұрын
I am #3 and #4, abusive, unattached and inaccessible parents. I finally got a wonderful, smart therapist who finally diagnosed me with CPTSD and had great insight to my past. After 5 years of therapy, she had to cut me off and it was SO hard for me, I kept putting it off. I was confused and thought I did something wrong, it was hard for me to trust her at the start. I am struggling without her insight and knowing I can count on her. I know intelligently, I have to count on myself and it’s unhealthy to be so attached, but emotionally I struggle.
@IssaRaeOf10S Жыл бұрын
So sorry to hear this. That's really hard. Hope you're doing better and able to use the great tools you've acquired from the process
@pickyourbattlescollecting 3 ай бұрын
How have you been doing since this post?
@itsbreezybxntch Ай бұрын
i would love to know how you found her, and even her contact info if it isn't a huge ask? it has been terribly difficult for me to find a counselor who understands narcissistic abuse
@ShazWag Жыл бұрын
Attachment theory has never been proven. It's still just that, a theory. People's attachment styles changes with life experiences, cultural influences and life stages - which is also highlighted in psychology.
@Janet1975 2 ай бұрын
Thank you.
@shayaltshue1791 Ай бұрын
Gravity is a also "just a theory". Do you treat the theory of gravity in the same way?
@spellcop Ай бұрын
Yes, the style changes as you grow and develop. My early caregivers treatment, and culture are not the only influence that shaped the eventual attachment style as an adult. Friends, education and other cultures, including one's personality and ability to counter early childhood trauma, shapes the final person one becomes. So the styles do exist as a guide, but the theory that emphasises childhood alone is the result of your style is overrated.
@demofobia Жыл бұрын
i always heard of the first three categories and could never relate to any of those.. the fourth one honestly opened a world to me and i feel like a lot more things make sense now. thank you
@Katimorton Жыл бұрын
Of course!! I am so glad the video was helpful :) xoxo
@Fittrus Жыл бұрын
@@Katimorton it was great!!
@DaRyteJuan Жыл бұрын
Well, just remember it’s called *“Attachment THEORY.”* It’s just a theoretical framework to explain what can be objectively observed (if it’s even possible for one human mind to _objectively_ observe another human mind).
@Bnoopy Жыл бұрын
Attachment Theory is such a powerful tool. It helped me put my most recent break-up into perspective and to get a better understanding of both myself and my ex-girlfriend. I strongly recommend checking it out to anyone who's been through a break-up that just didn't make sense or who finds themselves pushing away people that they love. It cannot replace therapy, but it's still very useful.
@muhammadabdul-karim2706 8 ай бұрын
I isolate and distance myself when I find myself being possessive. I don't want my possessiveness to put a strain on my relationships, so I distance myself to give others time to breathe. I keep myself occupied by working on myself and other areas of my life like health/ fitness, finances, and so on. I focus on these areas while I give others space. I want to build healthy relationships, but when I find myself become possessive I can't help but Isolate to avoid being labeled as "clingy" or "jealous"
@myrandac 5 ай бұрын
This! Also me! I would like to be in stable and secure relationships, but once I feel as if ‘i’m doing too much’, or like you mentioned, possessiveness, i’ll isolate myself to avoid the awkwardness.
@_maia_m Жыл бұрын
This was so helpful! I've heard/ read about attachment styles a lot, but usually, it's just about the parent-child dynamic, and that is hard to relate to because I don't remember what it was like back then. But when you relate attachment styles to these clear descriptions of adults, it's much easier to recognize where I fit in the most. So thank you!
@leeroyjankins853 4 ай бұрын
I’m here because I keep running into the same issue in relationships where the moment I feel the other person likes me, I begin to value them less. Something is wrong with me and I want to fix it
@itsbreezybxntch Ай бұрын
ooo chile i struggle with thisss
@raywood8187 Жыл бұрын
Thank you Kati, I found this very intriguing and it made me think about my life. It seemed that I spent half my life in the Disorganized Attachment stage, having learned not to trust from a very young age into adulthood, having nowhere to turn, not even to myself for security, then drinking too much to avoid having to think about it. And the latter half in the Insecure Avoidant stage, where quit I drinking because I knew I had to, to even have a chance for continued existence. Then once my mind was not so clouded, I took a really big leap of faith and got a College degree, a decent job, even bought a house. So I have learned to rely on myself but still very tenuously allow myself to rely on others. The walls aren't as thick as they were and have some cracks but they still stand between me and trust. I have prided myself on my independence. It might be toxic independence but after all this time, it just feels like who I am and maybe not malleable enough to be changed. But where would be my motivation to change anyway? It's like the old saying, I can't miss what I never had. Anyway that's just my view of myself, I'm not saying this is best for anyone else or even the best version of me that I could be. It's just how I see me.
@MsGuitars666 Жыл бұрын
Hey Ray, your comment is wonderful and you are so self aware. Also super strong how you were able to go from disorganisation to building your own life with a house and job. You did fantastic, in my opinion at least :) I was also disorganised for the majority of my life, so even though I have not lived your life, I think I at least understand this part. I don’t think you should have to change, or have anyone tell you that. The only thing I can say, from coming from that place myself, is that life feels richer, more fulfilling, safer and happier now. I am still not super close with loads of people, but I think that is okay. I just feel happier, and also with connection to other also comes healed connection to myself. When my wounds aren’t as triggered any more I feel like I can feel more free. But that is just my perspective, not trying to push anything at all. Wishing you all the best!
@ulrichhille5241 18 күн бұрын
Hello Ray, what you write is really touching my heart. I guess, If you tell people right from the start who you are and what you feel and what might be a challenge in a relationship and friendship, they can work with it and like you back a lot :) I think, I'm more of a secure type when it comes to friendships and with romantic love I'm a often lost and over-react in all directions when I feel challenged. It's hard for me to express my needs at the right time and set boundaries. So when there is an emotional challenge and I feel not seen, I just hold a grudge and quit with writing a letter explaining why. I also don't see that some guys are simple not compatible with me because when I'm in love, I stick very much to the picture of a perfect love without perceiving the guy in a realistic way. When a guy says, he's not ready or will see how things are turning out, nothing you do will change that. I had to learn that the hard way which I take a lesson in life ;) Still, it hurts.
@Wabbajank Жыл бұрын
Kati, you are one of (if not the) best therapist I’ve found on KZfaq. You have really helped me sort out some really difficult things and I just want to express how much I appreciate you and all the work you do on these videos. They are so informative, articulate, and well-done. Thank you for all you do! Looking forward to the boundaries workshop.
@user-lx4uk5un7s Жыл бұрын
This is an excellent video! Informative, concise, and direct about attachment. I really enjoyed it. Thanks Katie, keep up the good work!!
@DugEphresh Жыл бұрын
Bless you for dealing with this. I can't wait to find out more!
@ouchpaw3518 Жыл бұрын
Kati - you might not ever read this but you help me fight my way through the enigma of my life and the way my brain works and I can never thank you enough. Especially your videos on attachment styles and emotional neglect have helped me understand that there is a _reason_ I have trouble trusting. Why I long for connection, for safe attachment to a point where it's the first ressource I will look for in a new environment/ group of people. That all the strong emotions surrounging being abandoned/ having your trust hurt have the "right" to be there. To be seen. This hurts like hell, but I want to get better. I want to be brave and trust one day, and I want to allow myself to not feel guilty and ashamed for being so distant and mistrusting, for craving this deep bond, this emotional security with someone. Kati, I wish I could express how grateful I am for you, for everything you're doing for your community, and for me. I've only what feels like started my journey, but I can see the path now. Thank you, for being here, it matters so much. Take care, the way you take care of us xx
@dianafromcanada516 11 ай бұрын
Thank you so much, Kati. With a few words you have given me clarity concerning a challenging relationship with someone who I deeply care for. I feel like I have been given a lens through which I can finally begin to comprehend what I've been seeing. I have a sense of direction but now I have work to do! 😅
@user-he9ic3uf9q Жыл бұрын
I just realised that I used to have the avoidant attachment , but these last years my sense of self has also been somehow distorted and low so , I might have started having Disorganized attachnment style . I might need to talk about it with my therapist.
@kylasanchez Жыл бұрын
watching your videos helps soothe me. thanks for being kind
@micheletweedy8409 9 ай бұрын
Best explanation of attachment I've found!
@KWatsonMUSIC Жыл бұрын
Super helpful video, thank you Kati x
@kreasiw Жыл бұрын
This was an excellent video. It explains it very well. Thanks so much.
@bjolly8924 Ай бұрын
I totally agree. This was a great and very informative video. I tried to watch another one before this one and I was 4 1/2 minutes into the video and they hadn't even mentioned one style of attachment it's so annoying when people do that.
@maxim3witch Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this ❤️
@wyocoloexperience7025 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Kati!
@wanderfulescape773 8 ай бұрын
My partner prioritized chatting with his online VR chat friends more than me. He'd come home from his full time job and spend hours holed up in his office in our house talking and talking. He said he was trying to build a platform and get views for money. Ignoring me. It got to the point where I had a meltdown after trying to communicate with him how much that bothered me. We never had sex anymore. I threw my engagement ring at him. And the next day he packed up and left. He said he needed to spend a month at his parents. At this point I'm burnt out. . As an Anxious-Attached person who sacrificed and invested a lot of time, it hurts so so much. I WILL NEVER DATE AN AVOIDENT EVER AGAIN.
@dianaverano7878 4 ай бұрын
Trust. If you learn to trust yourself that you are a lovable person. Then you could trust other people like a romantic partner, to see you that way. We demand because we feel our partner doesnt love us back the way we want them too. Your feelings are valid. But trust yourself as well. So you wont demand so much on people to fill your heart like a " love rank" to feel valuable and lovable. You are a lovable person. Trust that. Also engage in activities that remind you, you are a lovable person. Go to places where you receive love. Like spending time with good people, family and friends who are loving. If you have religion, spend in quietness with God. And feel his love. Feel his safety. When we feel that love, we feel safe. Then we feel we can trust ourselves. It will be easier to trust people.
@shootfordstars Ай бұрын
@@dianaverano7878 This is beautiful.
@nikkimckay860 Жыл бұрын
Kati Morton. Very good and important video so informative and very helpful iv had attachment issues a lot in the past and with boundaries so I know what having attachment issues and setting boundaries however lately i have a issue with feeling and getting attached to my friend who s a guy because I don't have any other real friends for comfort and support and advice iv been isolated lately so haven't been dealing with any other attachment issues or problems with boundaries ❤️
@calmastorm5144 Жыл бұрын
I'm having a hard time just going to my mental health appointments 😢.. I love your Content.. thanks for all you do!
@rubysutton8960 6 ай бұрын
My mum has an inconsistent persona. One minute she loves me and wants to take me out but the next she yells and critsizes me so much. Because of this I've grown up always craving a stable relationship to people and have become attached to other middle aged females. This is usually teachers for me. It's been a pattern for years now. Previously I've just been hurt even more by these people because of my lack of boundaries and awareness of my emotions, but at the moment my attachment is really tying to understand me. Always making sure to check in on my home life, reassure me that I'm doing okay and help me organise my schedule and revision without it becoming overwhelming. My overthinking about it can make it really damaging but honestly it's really helped me start to find out more about how Im feeling and why it's been happening. (I have a school councilor who is also great, so Ive got multiple people making me feel heard and reassured) This video has really helped me think about how I'm really feeling and just tell me that it's all for a reason and not just because I'm simply not good enough.
@e-rock7853 8 ай бұрын
Thank you!!
@ConnyWeirdWorld Жыл бұрын
Welcome to my old exam topic 😅 (I studied Early Childhood Education.) I always found this very interesting.
@ems.master Жыл бұрын
Kati, please, talk about Lise Bourbeau's book "Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self: Finally A Book That Explains Why It's So Hard Being Yourself". This book can help a lot of people. Not only it tells what we are, it also tells us why we are like this and how to heal.
@mackfam9798 Жыл бұрын
this was good thanks for sharing
@Broseph1981 Ай бұрын
My wife and I ar e appreciating your clear and concise presentation. We are interested in understanding the interplay in the formation of these attachment styles with the expression of neurodivergent conditions, like ADHD and ASD, in childhood development and how the influence of these psychological conditions express themselves in adult relationships. If this is something you could speak to or if you might have a referral on the subject, we'd love to hear from you.
@Steve13C Жыл бұрын
Thank you Kati, really interesting (as your videos always are).
@Average_Cashier_Worker 8 ай бұрын
I have disorganized attachment and it came from having autism as a kid and being very needy and having no idea if i should trust or fear my parents, so i rarely to never communicated my actual needs, I just asked for physical attention because I had no idea what I needed nor how to convey it. So now in my relationships im always looking for red flags in myself and others to see if its safe to be in relationships. I’m fortunate to be able to see when my emotions are irrational so I tend to not show my anxious side as much but I do truly deep down crave intimacy and i do love my closer partners but sometimes ill feel like im losing myself or they dont care about me and ill feel like cutting them off or asking them to give me space. Sometimes I logically know they care, but my nervous system doesn’t. The way to help this is by building a stable sense of self which I was never really able to do. I have limited interests and can’t connect to stuff for fear or judgement or being suddenly disinterested. When I leave my house is really when i’ll start healing because nobody else is extra important and a direct cause of stress atm. If I live with someone later that could be a problem, I may feel limited.
@lizdestefano4905 Жыл бұрын
I'm the disorganized/ avoidant attachments!
@boohrah 5 ай бұрын
Similar to, I am Ok/you are OK, formulated by Thomas harris, nicely explained for the relationships.
@SpeakerGregoryDwyer Жыл бұрын
Very helpful.
@sw-nk6sf 6 ай бұрын
"Toxic independence" dayuummmmm never heard it put that way before
@ebonih7138 Жыл бұрын
Stabilizing my life currently and learn into scary things and practicing being my full self in those spaces. Particularly when visiting home/parents. That’s when attachment really shows up, even as an adult. I think it can differ with each parent? For me it does.
@lucianogiudice8569 4 ай бұрын
Hi thank you very insightful and for me revelling. Finally I think I have identified my insecure type of attachment style and unfortunately is the disorganised one. Was not easy to understand my attachment style because lots of my past relationships showed different dynamics and patterns and inconsistency with any of the other 3 kind of attachment style, definitely none with the secure attachment type. I think in early childhood I developed initially an avoidant attachment style, then when growing up I was enmeshed by my mother and also physically beaten up which possibly changed my attachment style in to a disorganised one. I am not psychologist but I know my life better than anyone else. Good thing I have got rid of all addictions, first and upmost staring point for mental health. Next is mindfulness on relationships....but I need to find a girlfriend😂 first
@mrcoffee70 Жыл бұрын
Since loosing my wife at age 27, 25 years ago, I no longer form attachments. I'm very introverted which makes it easier, but there times a close friend would be nice.
@languageandmana9255 Ай бұрын
Wow! Thank you❤ So how can I change my unhealthy attachment style and turn it into secure attachment style? What can I do? Could you please make more videos on this??
@DaRyteJuan Жыл бұрын
0:55 The way this video is structured, it makes a bit of a leap of logic which goes straight from discussing *Attachment Theory* as a “belief” into presuming this theory is valid and applicable. Also at this time stamp, the slide reads “UNDERSTAND & IDENTIFY Your Adult Relationship Patterns.” I venture to guess this would cause most viewers to then leap into self-diagnosis without applying the filter of critical thinking. Other than that, the video is well put together.
@abe2935 Жыл бұрын
I could be a mixture of some of them so don’t know. I just got out of a relationship where it seemed like I was constantly being judged or told that I wasn’t good enough in some way (I know I am good enough) which is definitely a pattern with some of my past relationships too.
@mamadoom9724 6 ай бұрын
Interesting 🤔 thank you
@coffeeandhorses7991 Жыл бұрын
Unfortunately I was adopted. In hospital for first 5 months. Just nurses taking care of me. Then foster care for 2 months. By the time I was adopted I didn't like being held. This has caused permanent harm to me as an adult.
@Lindaoo Жыл бұрын
Can you have multiple of these attachments styles? For example if your one parent was super giving and u felt secure and the other was ignoring you in someways and wasnt there as much as he "should" ...
@_maia_m Жыл бұрын
I'm not a therapist, but I think you can. Just like with diagnoses, or any category in life really, you're rarely all one thing and nothing of another. You can be a little bit of both/several, or in between. I personally feel like I'm a little in between some of the attachment styles, not all just one.
@Lindaoo Жыл бұрын
@@_maia_m Ye what you are saying makes sense to me as well, i feel like i have 2 or even 3 of these that she mentioned, thank you for your reply anyways :)
@benlechner6352 Жыл бұрын
I don't know if I have the disorganized attachment style, but I do feel like a mix of both the anxious and the avoidant ones. I was never in a romantic relationship and I feel like I really want to be in one but I'm also afraid of it, this is why I don't do anything about it. I had 4 long term crushes and the longest of them was for 3 years(I'm 18) and every one of those crushes ended with me finally confessing my love for them and by them rejecting me.I feel like I'm in some sort of cycle that will never end, or at least won't end for a very long time. I know I can just join a dating site and get into a relationship but I'm afraid of it, I'm afraid of actually getting into a relationship so that makes me think why do I want to be in a relationship that much but I don't have an answer. Can anyone else relate to this?
@tetti-do Жыл бұрын
Yes, I do. For me it’s very hard to fall in love with somebody. But when I do, it frightens me and I’m so damn scared that I won’t be able to control my feelings and person will be overwhelmed by me 😢and will leave me alone. And then I think that I need to avoid the relationship because in the end I will be in the same position but heartbroken and in depression 😔
@benlechner6352 Жыл бұрын
@@tetti-do Same with me. I'm glad someone can relate to what I said
@DaRyteJuan Жыл бұрын
Well, it’s just a THEORY like _“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”_ The conundrum we face as humans is that we can make a theory fit facts either by including or excluding various factors. If you find this THEORY helpful in working on your relationships, that’s great. But you also might want to take it with a pinch of salt.
@ssbarchive_ 6 ай бұрын
I appreciate you sharing this. Remember that we tend to date the familiar. Those who are familiar to our past hurt. However, if we are able to date someone who is secure but has patience and understanding. Once we are open, we can learn to trust and over time start becoming more secure
@benlechner6352 6 ай бұрын
@@ssbarchive_ I wish I find someone like this. I can't believe it's been a year and I'm still in the same situation. A few months ago I finally downloaded a dating app but gave up after a while because no one seems to like me there. I know dating apps can be rigged but it's still hard not to take it personally. My problem is that I don't meet new people anymore.
@Slaymayas 3 ай бұрын
Avoidant attachment here... I can honestly say I see so much of myself in this video and I can honestly say that just thinking about letting people in as far as friendships etc is terrifying literally 😮😂
@shortbuscaptain Жыл бұрын
I don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone due to the majority of people lie, deceive and would rather stay fake instead of being genuine, decent human being.
@aleciabernardoni1255 Жыл бұрын
Question, how could attachment style affect one’s choice to be in the helping profession? This was interesting and got me thinking thank you!
@zarico6157 8 ай бұрын
“if someone tries to care for us, it may feel inappropriate or threatening” literally had to pause the video and take a breath
@sarahpaty6108 10 ай бұрын
Could you make another video about this that dives into more depth?
@d.e.s4432 Жыл бұрын
If I'm relying on this for diagnosis I'd say I'm insecure avoidant. I am not in a relationship, nor have I ever been, nor do I want to be. I kind of wish there was some kind of discussion of the way attachment styles affect your life outside of romantic or intimate relationships.
@indridcold8433 Жыл бұрын
I am very avoidant. After trying twice to obtain social connections of both amicable and amorous relationships, I opted to not attempt them again. I was miserable, hurt, and felt used, when the friends and supposed girlfriend abused me and left me. In order to avoid the horrific, crippling, emotions associated with being used, betrayed, and painfully abandoned, again, I simply returned to what I know, social isolation. I need no friends nor a girlfriend in the manner that most of them exist today. As soon as I feel any vague connection with anybody, I simply avoid that person in the most elaborate of ways. I want nobody to try to know me again. I do not need their friendship that will last a year, or two, only to have them take all they can from me, use me, betray me, then abandon me in the worse possible way. I find no benefit to being social at all. Thus, I deleted that aspect of my life.
@mimialways22 Жыл бұрын
I’m definitely disorganized attachment. I was diagnosed with bpd so it makes sense now. But it’s a fucking nightmare. I can go from 0 to 100 when I’m with my partner and after we leave. Very emotionally unstable with my self and in my relationship. I don’t know how to define it nor did I know how to enforce the boundaries I needed to feel reassured and emotional secure.
@AdaraFukuchi Жыл бұрын
i honestly dont know what my attachment style is cause it used to be unhealthy but I'm not sure if its healed now.
@Katimorton Жыл бұрын
If you don't see it playing out in your life anymore, I would assume it's healed :) xoxo
@healerscreek Жыл бұрын
Insecure avoidant here. I have avoided relationships altogether for the past 15 years.
@magdalenagreta274 Жыл бұрын
A new video!
@JeanMarcCapaul Жыл бұрын
#4
@ryannesumbry4130 Жыл бұрын
I’ve gotten into therapy and I’m still working on having a secure attachment I think I fluctuate between anxious and disorganized… is it possible to have more than one attachment style?!?
@Steve13C Жыл бұрын
I suspect that fluctuation is a sign that your attachment style is disorganised? I know that I've had that feeling too, though.
@justanotherfan18 Жыл бұрын
Yes you can have more than one style with different people
@rianasledzinski5968 7 ай бұрын
insecure attachment. My parents were always busy and i was left to fend for myself. so, i tend to do things on my own. lol
@gracetanner4132 Жыл бұрын
I identify with the anxious attachment
@amazingjewell Жыл бұрын
I would say number 3 is me if worked really hard with therapist to heal that I used to be so hyper independent I didn't even let my own husband do any thing for me no longer am I like this but it definitely was hard started with little things and seeing that he is safe and he does want to help once that started working in been using that for others but with my parents it is still hard
@Smashachu Жыл бұрын
Thank you.. I've never heard anyone talk about disorganized attachment before and a lightbulb went off above my head.. I've never really identified with being either anxious or dismissive, more like in between depending on the person. If they're predictable then I'm bored and lose interest, if they push me away i'm interested until and cling but if they give me what i want then I'm dismissive. I need for there to be a constant tug of war between dismissive and clingy. How the hell do i even unpackage that to fix?
@yfa6244 Жыл бұрын
Go to a therapist who is educated on attachment styles.
@twinflameeleven Жыл бұрын
Ehhh Im still so confused about myself...Im anxious and avoidant but not like the way its described here? I feel very confident with myself. Way too overly confident. Im very independent. I do everything myself and I dont like others helping me. I have a huge lack of trust in others. I dont feel i can depend on anyone. Im very content on my own and ive been single for 4 years. I isolate myself. On the other hand, I cant have flings. Because when I do, all of a sudden I become anxious. All my self-confidence vanishes. Ill want so badly to be with the person and I need them. I become clingy and afraid that im not good enough. I dont want them to leave me...I get so...weird...My moods become so hot and cold and intense. I get anxiety. I dont know how to fully explain it...I tend to scare off people. There are plenty of men who want to be with me but the men I want to be with, dont want me. Probably because i like them TOO much and scare them away. So, id rather just completely isolate myself then to keep putting myself in those situations. and they are quite embarrassing and a hit to my ego. But by completely avoiding it, Im not giving myself the opportunity to learn and correct the behaviors. Ill figure it out...
@utewbd Жыл бұрын
I have this kind of problem too. I'm very confident, know there are a lot of good things about me, and am good on my own. I also can do well in a relationship, and if I like someone I will move things very fast (confident it will be reciprocated), and generally things go really well. But after the honeymoon phase in relationships, when/if there's a lack of openness and communication, I suddenly become anxious and dependent on reassurance, forgetting myself too easily and seeming clingy. Since people become attracted to me (besides my looks) for being smart, funny, positive and confident, when these moments happen I seem like a totally different person and with some people it really subconsciously pushes them away. I get ambivalent then on whether I should be open and talk about things, or just suppress them and try to resolve it alone - wavering between my confident/independent typical self and the confused codependent self in the relationship.
@hananhaji353 4 ай бұрын
I see myself in type 3, an avoident attachment It is so sad that i can't make romantic relationships. i always run away when someone is trying to get close to me
@kk70x7 3 ай бұрын
I keep hoping I will hear something that disproves my having disorganized attachment. Still looking...
@georgepalmer5497 9 ай бұрын
It seems like the only kind of relationship I can get in with others is the low key, amiable regard people who are marking time have for each other. Drinking buddies are the people I associate with most. Except for the hangovers, life isn't bad
@synkronized Жыл бұрын
is there a term for when they like you and actually want to go out you lose interest fast but once they also lose interest you want them like you never did before?
@user-eo2th2lf6f Жыл бұрын
I seem to have Disorganized Attachment style while my older sister seems to have Insecure Avoidant Attachment style
@Mifititi Жыл бұрын
I had a suspicion, but now I know certainly that my attachment style is insecure. Although I'm not sure why...
@gracecarpenter8938 Жыл бұрын
how do I know what attachment style is if I had one responsive parent and one avoidant parent? I always thought I was 'anxious' but neither of my parents were inconsistent- could it be because one parent was and one wasn't?
@jamesfrancis303 Жыл бұрын
I’m curious How Reactive attachment disorder fits into this school of thought
@EleonorS Жыл бұрын
It doesn't really, since RAD results from non-attachment. With RAD, it is the child's lack of a caregiver to attach to that causes the problem. RAD also likely has a genetic component.
@polachelliot91 Жыл бұрын
It seems there may be a connection between borderline personality disorder and disorganized attachment, is this true?
@gowtham7231 Ай бұрын
I long for attachment and cannot live without a relationship. But does that mean I have an anxious attachment style?? Every human needs a partner don't they?? What's the difference between them??
@ajigboyeelizabethadetutu2025 2 ай бұрын
Is there a way to deal with anxious attachment issues?
@yellowmoon4564 Жыл бұрын
I have problems with letting go of stuff. I loved my toys so much when i was little more then humans because they where bad to me.
@janellachavez8667 10 ай бұрын
Is it possible to have two attachment styles? I feel I fall into avoidance and disorganized styles.
@leilamagrath40 Жыл бұрын
Can you go from one side of the spectrum to the other? Because I feel there is truth to me in all of them so how can I tell what will help?
@Meepmoop369 Жыл бұрын
I always thought of myself as anxious attachment style, but after seeing your video, I think I may be unorganized..
@christinas7814 Жыл бұрын
Can a person be two of these? I fluctuate between 3 and 4?
@Dr_varsha464 5 ай бұрын
Can u please provide us with the recording
@emmaxo6951 Жыл бұрын
this is completely unrelated to this video topic, but i've noticed in your videos that instead of saying you/yours you say our or we and i was wondering why you say that. could it be that it helps to connect and understand more?
@mothercoyote351 Жыл бұрын
I'm in a toxic relationship & I know it but I also don't know how to get out of it in a healthy way.
@yfa6244 Жыл бұрын
Try going to a domestic violence center for education and maybe a group. They are free or small fee based.
@DarkfiendsAngel 3 ай бұрын
I am confused because three of the attachments fit my relationships, I'm in therapy working it. I have a great relationship with my husband but my mother I have anxiety attachment, and also chaos attachment
@Thomasmandobobafettcowboy 2 ай бұрын
I’m 15 and I struggle losing objects like a toy or a coat or anything really and idk how to move on because my mum got wid of some stuff and idk how to move on
@indridcold8433 Жыл бұрын
I guess I am avoidant. As soon as I feel the vaguest form of connection with anybody, I will avoid that person as much as possible. I trust nobody and never want to experience being used, betrayed, and painfully abandoned, again. I do not believe there is such a thing as, "toxic independence." The more independent someone is, the better. I am far mored self-reliant, indepdent, resourceful, and energetic, than any social person. I do not think I want to lose that. I depend on nobody for any assistance in anything. I do not even know anybody and nobody knows me. As far as love, I trust nobody to allow anybody to know me enough to love me. I do not need to have anybody act like they love me again, then abuse me again to abandon me at the end. With my method, it is impossible for me ever to be emotionally injure me again. I do not think there is such a thing as a, "healthy relationship," for people like me. What is healthy, for people like me, is to keep everyone at a very well defined distance. We will never be hurt again, this way.
@mumbels24 Жыл бұрын
Where’s the boundaries workshop link?
@Katimorton Жыл бұрын
Here you go! katimorton.com/the-shop/p/healthy-boundaries
@ajigboyeelizabethadetutu2025 2 ай бұрын
Hi, is this link still available?
@Jasonnewlook Жыл бұрын
Hi I'm a autistic man with sensory difcultuys is there anyone who understands low frequency and vibrashion, I'm having difficulty with both, iv made a you tube Ja play, to show the vibration and app picking up the noise, i hope it's ok to ask. Thank you Jason
@YanivGorali Жыл бұрын
Ya im beyond broken. No chance i could ever trust anyone after a lifetime of disappointments from parents, partners and friends.
@Sara_cy Жыл бұрын
I don't really believe that early attachment theory. I cannot stand my parents and as a child I was the same. never wanted to be close to them, they kept on hurting me and I pulled away more. Until today I don't have any feelings of attachment towards them BUT ...in my relationships I am the opposite and I cannot let go. I get attached very easily and takes me years to move on.
@salabb Жыл бұрын
So ideally an avoidant shouldn’t date an anxious as this is not going to work out, correct?
@terrenceharris-hughes4436 Жыл бұрын
I feel like I'm number 3
@jungwolf1987 9 ай бұрын
In the past I think I was clingy and wear my heart on my sleeve. I have been married but my husband passed away going on 3 years. I was a wreck and preyed upon. I longed for love my whole life but now it seems like a fantasy. Im afraid of being touched and getting used. I don't know what to do. I would like to have a healthy relationship another chance...
@laurasusannalisaharleysantera Ай бұрын
Yeah, i prefer short term flings and very long relationships with no commitment.
@daphne8228 Жыл бұрын
6:45
@RosheenQuynh Жыл бұрын
8:24 broke me...
@JohannaWayne-es1el 18 күн бұрын
Can insecure attachment issued people have Co dependency?
@scottshill1927 10 ай бұрын
The biggest thing I got from this is that I probably shouldn't even be in a relationship at all. I'm too messed up. Only 1 of these styles is healthy. Should everyone just wait to be in a relationship until we're all balanced?
@s0ngf0rx 8 ай бұрын
Even the securely attached have problems. Life is too short to put off finding love and connection
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