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Confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”, it’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.

Summary: 1) Body language (stand tall and proud, moderate eye contact) 2) Look the part (dress for success, an outfit speaks volumes, grooming habits) 3) Be decisive and direct (this gives you a sense of control and minimizes feelings of doubt) 4) Change your internal monologue (be self-aware, and be constructive of your self-criticism) 5) Practice (how else can you become better? Experience allows you to learn and process) 6) Improve other areas on your life (focus on hobbies, skills, and career; this will make you feel positive and happy when goals are met) Here's one that could be added to the list: be mindful of your tone when talking to others. Avoid sounding sarcastic, negative, blunt, etc. Instead, focus on sounding polite, welcoming, and include a moderate amount of humor.

The biggest things I'm trying to work on are making eye contact in public, and conquering the lie that says, "You have nothing to offer." Thank you, Courtney, for all you do to help men who strive to be better.

Whenever I'm feeling down and hopeless I often have this internal and powerful roar that comes from a place of being fed up with my own inadequacy and knowledge of the fact that I can be so much better than I am. Instant goosebumps and inspiration to keep fighting the darkness within

The biggest game changer for me was taking the time to look at my past traumas and heal the wounds that they caused. Doing this helped me achieve a level of maturity, confidence, resilience and emotional intelligence that no dating coach could have ever taught me. Whatever form of therapy or emotional healing you choose, showing yourself that you love and value yourself enough to do the work will do wonders for your self esteem and self image. I'm still a work in progress, and my energy has already changed enough that people who barely gave me the time of day are reaching out to me to start interactions. And yeah, the healing process sucks. It hurts, it can feel punishing, and it can be so hard to even want to go on some days. But if you value yourself enough to keep taking the next step, the transformation will be SO worth it. And, it's like any other skill. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It still sucks and hurts, but you can keep at it because you'll have seen yourself succeed before. You've survived literally 100% of everything the world has thrown at you thus far. Don't let this be the thing that defeats you.

This is why you're one of my favorite KZfaqrs: your humility and humanity and the fact that you reveal your struggles as ell gives us something to connect to, and yeah, we struggle, too. Thanks Courtney.

I fully agree with the "Be Positive" statement. Lessons learned early in life for me and it makes a world of difference. I grew up playing baseball but I had a period when baseball was getting more advanced, pitches were becoming real, I couldn't hit water if I fell from a boat. It was bad. 1st half of the season I was bating a cool .000 (no joke) My Father at this point, made me 4 signs that I hung up on my wall and that I repeated in my head in the On Deck Circle 1. You are a great hitter. 2. I never strike out! 3. I always get a hit. 4. I am a superior hitter! I finished that season hitting .310 average. That means that 2nd 1/2 of the season, I held true to the statements. The next 3 years after that, I made the All Star team every year and my average was always north of .500 average. It was fantastic. It was always my proof of "If you think it, you will be it" . Stay positive fellas and believe that you can do it and you will.

I figured out my own way. I just don't care. I really don't. Therefore I'm not nervous, I'm being myself and I treat meetings with women as a reason to have an interesting conversation, not to impress them at all costs and absolutely "score" with them. Not being desperate for anything works wonders.

The ability to know that you will be okay after a rejection, after a loss, or things not going the way you had hoped is confidence.

Actually these 6 tips for confidence building with women are pretty awesome, because they nail it on the head on accuracy. And grateful to Courtney for giving them out to us, because their helpful.

Courtney, your body language exudes genuineness and shows you really care about your profession and your viewers -- very refreshing -- good for you. As a result, your viewers are more engaged and (hopefully) take your "tips" to heart.

I'm almost 31yrs old, 6'1", athletic, fit, awesome career making high 6-figures, got my own apartment, got my own car and I'm totally done with dating and besides a bunch of meaningless flings - I've been single my whole life and absolutely nothing will change. I'm painfully lonely, like - PAINFULLY. I'd love nothing more than to take care of a good woman in every way - which I totally can. Good women don't exist anymore in the US. It's so gut wrenching being my age and not having a romantic partner. People who are in successful romantic relationship, like Courtney, ALWAYS say "oh you need to love yourself first". I DO love myself. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in today in terms of my finances, career and health. Most women are career oriented feminists which’s a massive turn off for me. Where are the normal women out there? I'm so over it. How can I help not being bitter at this point in life?

What I like to do to be straightforward with myself (and yeah I overthink a lot!) is to ask myself why at least 3 times trying to go deeper with the answers I give. Definitely love where you said change your internal monologue Courtney (you want balance in your end choice and remember to stay positive not only NEGATIVE!)🙃

Confidence is also something that’s built from doing hard things. Complete difficult projects at work, take long breaks from social media and entertainment, STOP watching porn, take care of your body and your mind, pay attention to what you put into your mouth, and your headspace will be SO much better when you talk to girls. If you prove to yourself that you can do hard things, talking to girls will feel like a walk in the park.

Reframing my perspective definitely helped me. The challenge was not feeling like I was lying to myself Reframe your opinion of yourself, but be sure to remain grounded (positively and negatively) when forming your new opinion

Hi Courtney, Very useful and valuable advices again. Especially in my case, what you said about indecisiveness and passiveness. Thank you for helping in regathering our focusmana and further strengthening us. Have a nice day and next week! 🙋‍♂️

With the body language thing, I'd always just put my hands in my pockets and crossed my arms just because it's comfortable. Had nothing to do with the psychological implications. Now, I just put my hands on my hips. Same amount of comfort, but it makes you look bigger and implies confidence.

You only get comfortable to rejection to a certain level. It still hurts regardless of how much rejection you’ve gone through. It just hurts less. I’ve been rejected at least 1000 times and it still sucks (well only if it’s a girl i got to know well then caught feelings). If I immediately ask out a girl and she rejects me then it feels like nothing.

Your last point has become a true statement in my life recently. I’m figuring out the kind of personality I want to have, fully committed myself to playing lead guitar, and I have the confidence that I haven’t had in years. I can’t wait to have another chance with a girl and see how far I’ve come after almost two years since my last date.

Great video Courtney. Youve made a difference in my life. I listened to you extensively at work today.

I'm so glad i found your channel Courtney. Many many thanks and love from Sweden! ❤🙌

Courtney. Thank you for being a generous lighthouse for those of us hoping to find the shore with a meaningful catch.

Sense of humor and self confidence and being a little fearless works well for me. I'm not interested in a lot of dates just finding that one person.

just loving this channel!! helping man to improve themself in a right way

Body language is something that needs to be learned and if you're a socially awkward person, you might have to consciously think about how you behave around others. But it can also be a catch-22 since thinking about yourself in a social situation does also make you more socially anxious. For those of us who are chronic overthinkers, it can be really difficult to make swift decisions since we're battling with our own mind about whether we made the most optimal choice. I think one way to alleviate the burden is by limiting your options since it forces you to narrow your decision-making. As for rejection, it's something that you need to try to desensitize and not take personally because it will happen in all facets of life, not just dating. Don't blame yourself for a girl rejecting you because there are other variables at play that may have led her to that decision that may not necessarily be because of your own doing.

As an older guy, I genuinely wish I had someone like Courtney when I was young. I would emphasize to change the way you think about rejection. Instead of thinking that you don't measure up, guys need to start thinking in terms of "I gave the woman an opportunity and she blew it". Often rejection comes from something that has nothing to do with you, some event or experience in her life caused her to reject you.

I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head. It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women. A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice "It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first" I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken. I thought that was bang-on right there. and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex. It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys. He said: "Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving." That pissed me off more when I read that. Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman. If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems. Another reason why i feel the world would be a better place if social-skills, or people skills, how to successfully socialize and interact with people, social intelligence and understanding social cues, social boundaries, were taught in school in our teenage years, and i feel those classes should be for men only in our teenage years, is that way, women would feel much safer world-wide, it would completely eliminate the risk or almost eliminate, the risk of guys, men, being perceived as creepy or weird in interactions, social situations around women.

One other thing about body language, make a concerted effort to keep your head up as much as possible, and I mean that literally. Keeping your head constantly hunched forward will put stress on your spine, your neck, and your shoulders, causing upper body pain which makes people feel uncomfortable and unconsciously makes you feel less confident. I know it can be difficult these days since most of us are hunched over looking at a computer screen or our cell phones, but we need to stay aware of this.

Thanks so much Courtney for this ! getting a partner is one of my goals in life, really appreciate it ❤ 👍

Thank you, things are getting better.

I am tired of being not confident, I am learning that, I finally need to accomplish goals, so I can feel better. I am not even going to look for women right now, alone time right now is needed to study, lift weights, etc. In the meantime watch as many videos as I can

Really sound advice actually applicable to anyone in any setting personal or professional

👍 Personally my motto is being *genuine* and *open* if/where possible. Everything you have said *will* naturally follow.

Courtney, I am grateful for you. BTW you are perfect!!

Hi Courtney. Thank you so much for this video with your advice. I really want to work on my interactions with women. I like always be positive and eye contact to feel confident. Also, you're so beautiful❤

improving urself is huge i think learning from failure is essential too

Always present the best version of yourself, not a fake version but the best version of the real you, it will make you feel good and boost confidence.

confidence only works if you have something to be confident about in the first place

Thinking about all the steps and hoops to jump through to "be confident" makes me more nervous and unconfident than I was to begin with.

I’ve had two dates cancelled on me this week, one of them rescheduled for an odd day, I still went with it only because it’s the last week for my school district. Anyways, going into these dates, I want to see what stories they are about and see if I want to be part of it. It’s easier to do this when you have put yourself out there doing things that interests you. Trust me, at times you’ll catch yourself saying in the middle of a date, “I don’t think this is it”.

#5 is such an underrated component. So many people don’t realize that confidence is a learned skill that can strengthen over time. Getting out and interacting with people on a regular basis will help not only with your romantic appeal, but also your appeal in other social circles as well.

Hi, Courtney! Your videos are great! I'm not on Instagram -- I spend entirely too much time on social media already.

I feel this can also go for women aswell. Great video. You've boosted my confidence! Lol

Courtney, I absolutely love this video. I really enjoy all of your videos, to be honest, and I hope you can make time to read these comments because you need to know how great you really are. I hope one day I find a really great woman like you because you and I have so much in common. And I appreciate that you are married to a great man. He is very blessed. Keep up the great inspirational videos about relationships. They are very important to God. Blessings as always, Courtney 🙂

Hi Courtney, this is Patrick ; I just listened to this video back to back ! Courtney I had a dad instead of a Father !!! He was a very mean n inconsiderate , we ran to bed when we heard his car pull in, n from that moment tried to not make a noise, not even the bathroom !!! My Dr. said I had PTSD which my major inflection is High Anxiety , about almost everything, until I get out the door n in my car , I’m fine n can talk to anyone , pleasant to most people ! I even been to head Dr.’s , n personalized cd’s to meditate to !! Courtney if you have any ideas I’d love to hear them 🙏 thank you for all the good you do ❣️ Best Wishes , Patrick 🤔

In a world where lowering the bar is all too common, there are still some people like Courtney shining a light in a dark room cheering us on to become better men. Hats off to you Courtney!

Important for men to remember that none of this works if you aren’t “conventionally attractive” first.

Always have a smiling face and read an inspirational motivational quotes.

Hi Courtney, I’m glad I found you and I just have to improve eye contact.

The number one way to build confidence is to build competence. Develop your quality. And you will "be" quality. She's not telling you how to "Be" confident, just how to "Look" confident.

My great indecisiveness I didn't know was from a lack of confidence. Thank you. The stoics believe change your perspective. Self monologue

Courtney you are amazing AMAZING!

You can do everything right, have a great attitude, and be extremely physically fit & attractive. Yet, still you will get rejected endlessly by most women with a beautiful face or a curvy (thick) body. As a guy (with a fake avatar), beautiful women are the worst when it comes to them being good people. They are the most unempathetic people on earth and the ones with the blackest heart since nothing bad has really happen to any of them... And they don't want to hear what bad is because they believe its unattractive to "complain" about it... I say this because physically beautiful women are terrible listeners and supporting partners... Instead, they make fun of you and start trying to label you (and some don't even respect you). They have most men at their feet (especially the ones with the "simp" mentality showering them with gifts and compliments). They will tell you this and demand you give them money and gifts if you want to be with them... These women seem to be in love with themselves; therefore, don't care about your great physical appearance (if you are a man). I don't know what the hell most of them are looking for in a partner (a millionaire, a celebrity, a politician, etc.)? They all think they deserve the best because they are beautiful, so their standards become impossibly high for most of us men to reach. It is so bad, that even rich men don't like them. I know this because they told me this themselves. The saddest part is that this is an indirect prostitute mentality that these type of women are not fully aware of.

Shes 💯 on this. Confidence means conviction which is the highest belief its knowing. So if you lack confidence you need to pratice and in this case pratice going up go women and talk just talk then ask them out ask them for numbers i recommend daytime on this or non alchol fueled areas at first. Great opener is hi , or make situational joke or comment , asking for advice. This should give you enough confidence to approach.

It’s extremely hard to have confidence at this point. I feel like I’ve been beat down. Growing up the main group of people extremely critical of my looks/height have been women. I’ve been demeaned for it. And that’s when I actually was confident.

Listening too you speak soothes my soul. Listen too Courtney not that old time rock n roll

Very wise. Thanks.

Confidence comes before money and should be something you have whether you have money or not confidence is a mentality of ability and skill if you lack confidence it’s because you feel you have no ability or skill or missing something that you feel will give you it, which should be knowledge of learning about yourself and improving yourself you should never place your confidence in your money you should place it in the things you are secure you can do, and in the things you can’t do you are confident, you can learn and grow and to keep yourself from growing out of control you stay humble and take time to self reflect. negativity is a part of yourself, but neglecting it is a weakness, crying is a part of overcoming, but sitting in your tears in self-pity is a weakness that will eat you alive. Learn, overcome, grow, learn to lift those emotional weights not just the physical ones and you will become confident.

I agree with everything you say. However, there's only so much confidence you can have when you're frequently ghosted, abandoned and can't even get a first date. I know I deserve someone special. I have worked hard to improve my appearance, financial situation and interpersonal skills. I am stable in every way and try to incrementally improve myself. And...NOBODY is remotely interested.

Stellar advice!

Great video!

@CourtneyRyan, I have a friend who is a girl who says that she’s bad at responding back to her messages, and part of me began to doubt that until a couple of her friends have confirmed this. So my question is, what is the best way to deal with this behavior?

Thanks!

Another lovely video!

Man this honestly is just good advice for life

Thanks

Watching your videos, Courtney all the way from East Europe. Its just sooo different here than in US of A.

Great one -

Also don't forget to be tall, handsome, muscular, with the appearance of wealth and status. Knowing you are these things will give you a huge confidence booster.

They say there’s nothing women like more than confidence. Why can’t she just like me for me? - my bad joke. Seriously, if you’re not sure where to start, look at self help, a dating coach, or a therapist. We can all improve and sometimes reframing “I have to” to “I get to” and someone helping with that framing is all you need to find someone. The struggle is real but the struggle is worth it when you find the right someone.

Occasional or even relatively consistent rejection builds character and resilience. Sustained and unceasing rejection does not. They are not the same.

Very good information :)

I like this video, thank you

My job required me to make quick correct decisions and I did that for 20yrs in the usaf, I still act that way but a little less stressful, now that I'm older I'm more dismissive of women who raise red flags no matter how pretty they are, new york

comfort and confidence in your SELF, knowing your self, and then being true to your self everything healthy is contained within this ^ know your desires prioritized, pursue

Do you know what happens to me , ive been working on self improvement for a long long time , thats my hobby , thats why i enjoy courtneys videos , anyway i find now when i go to a diffferent city or on holiday i get a really good reaction from people, but its the product of 1000 mistakes and learning from other people who know more or can give me a different perspective. if you keeping making small improvements eventually it makes a big difference.

Thing is though, it's hard to be confident when people talked down to you all your life.

women tend to be most decisive when it comes to attacking their man ... no matter how mutually contradictory the verbal assaults -- be decisive w/ your values and grateful for what he adds to your life

The cart was put before the horse here. These are all symptoms of low self esteem. Sure, do these things on a date and you might appear confident, but its not a switch that just gets flipped. There are many reasons people lack confidence but if they aren't addressed the symptoms will continue. If you want to change how you feel about yourself and improve your self talk, seek therapy. At that point, these symptoms will start to diminish. There is also a contradiction here. Guys are being told to behave in a confident manner even though that's not who they are. Then, they are told not to be a people pleaser because they aren't being genuine. Guys, if you go out and try to be someone you're not (confident), you won't have mid to long term success. This is another area where not listening to a professional could come back to bite you.

I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying. ~Michael Jordan

Words of wisdom from miss Courtney dress well guys appearance matters.

Dating seems so complicated and hard to do I don't know if I will ever be able to do it.

Hey, Courtney and everyone.

Please look at Will Cullen. He is a musician who does direct contact performance. His videos are a study in approaching people you have never met. Their body language is unmistakable.

So I have an issue where I can be super confident at work, or talking to people platonically. But if I see a girl I want to ask out, or if someone asks me about my non existent love life, all the insecurity comes up and I have no idea how to act

Great advice for girls

First of all, the biggest advice I would give to someone is to search for the nature of the soul and not define oneself by it's action or it's appearance, because it's limited. As for self-confidence, my two cents, is that self-confidence is a result and should not be a aim. I wouldn't date a women that is all about self-confidence even though I amassed a lot by going through hell and coming back. I do think that what is importance is the purpose. The difference we make, the orientation of the heart and the nature of the soul of the person. I saw too many self-confident twits that acted like shit, and I think self-doubt is important at some point to make wise decisions. I would value a deep thinking and honest individual over a self-confident one anytime. That's my values and I would prefer to stay alone than have a girlfriend that's not only looking for power, may it be good or bad, but for the ''look'' of power. That's clearly what I call superficial. Also, I don't like the aspect of choosing a person about how that person presents herself. I think life's too short for superficial stuff like that and life's not about self-fulfillment, but the input we make in the world surrounding us. That's what will be left when we die and that's what's giving energy for those bones to continue. Being concerned by appearances just add to possible useless self-doubt and it only works to add conviction to useless minds around us that don't know how to see farther than that.

It's one thing to be direct and decisive, but can you do a video about how to be flirtatious too?

Do you provide 1-1 consultation meetings for guidance to relationships

Don't forget about investing in yourself..To build confidence..

What are top conversation starters and how to keep the flow going if she’s interested?

My younger sister has a bumper sticker that reads “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” ... She usually just stops at green lights to get some confidence boosters ... - Moscow, Russia

The girl I've known for 4 years has rejected me several times but she still wants to see me every day, she doesn't even want to spend time or date other guys and she also told me that she feels more comfortable with me than with other guys. I'm so confused right now. 😵‍💫

The only problem I have is that it is very difficult to change my internal monologue and reframe the way I look at it when all I got is no or much, MUCH worse for 31 years. That's borderline impossible to do.

and dont be afraid to go to a dermatologist my guys, they put me on some stuff and my skin cleared right up, still take care of it with a routine however

Number - 7 Be selfless in all you do Number - 8 Give of yourself freely and effortlessly Number - 9 Open your heart and mind to everyone and all things Number - 10 Be fearless.

Hi! I enjoyed your vlogs. I have a question for you. Should I date a woman who travels very often?

Rejection… she doesn’t want to get to know me… that’s her loss. It’s also an escape as she’s likely judging me on shallow qualities & shows her values as being just as shallow. I’m sure there’s plenty of someones that’ll spend the time & money to look all exfoliated & pruned for her, but they’ll be doing it for plenty of other women too & are far more likely to cheat in my experience. Be who you are. Yes… work on improving yourself, but remain completely authentic in that, working to your goals & not that of a woman you may or may not attract.

With women having so many things a man used to "bring to the table", it's hard to project something a woman would think she needs or wants. Good luck out there, young men!