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i really hate being told i'm selfish when i'm always considering other people's opinions, likes and dislikes lol

Worst thing to say to an INFJ: Omg you’re still thinking about that?! 🥺

As someone who have got INFJ almost everytime I've taken mbti test, I've understood that we infjs care for our loved ones so much that we even are brave enough to stand for them but when we need such a support, no one stands for us. Life as INFJ is very lonely and we get misunderstood and judged for everything we do.

“I don’t think I know who you really are” Neither do I.

The worst thing you could say to an INFJ: “You’re too sensitive.”

I'm an infj and I don't like being blamed for something I did not do.

“Don’t be so sensitive it’s not that deep.” Yeah to INFJ it’s all deep.

You INFJ's are so pure and precious. Literal gold in my opinion. Never stop being kind my loves. You all have my heart. Even tho we might seem a bit insensitive and heartless at times just know we INTJ's appreciate you ❤

"you always look angry" - "I'm not, it's just my face". Story of my life...

I hate when I get ignored when I try to talk about something that is bothering me or just when someone acts uninterested in general when I share something about my personal life. I never talk to them about myself again.

It’s very hard for me to open my mouth so when I feel like people don’t care about what I say by not paying attention to the conversation, trying to stop me half way, not listening to me until I finish the sentence etc., I will just stop talking immediately and automatically shift my head to somewhere else. I’d rather talk to myself than talking to someone who doesn’t truly care about me.

I’m an INFJ who grew up with a very critical and shaming father. He used to refer to my younger brother and I as Danny and Dora dumb shit. This has plagued me my entire life. I did very well in college and went on to obtain a Masters degree in Oceanography, but never believed I was worthy or smart enough. I am 60 years old and still hear my fathers voice in my head sometimes.

Never tell an INFJ anything negative. Because if you do that they will remember that dreadful moment for the rest of their lives........help me

Let me just add: When people lie in front of INFJs and they think they're getting away with it. NO. We know you lied. We're just not pointing it out because you've just lost any and all respect and effort from us.

This is a great list for sure. I would also add: Don’t tell an INFJ that you are disappointed in them. We take all kinds of measures to prevent people from being disappointed in us. This statement would be truly hurtful to us.

Ive been in a relationship where gaslighting was used on me, and it used to work really well on my personality type until I happened across a gaslighting infographic online and realized I was a victim. I think INFJ’s are very susceptible to being told theyre wrong, theyre misremembering or missing details or their judgement isn’t solid or theyre too emotional. When I finally woke up to the gaslighting I was forced to re-learn how to trust myself, my judgement, my logic, and my thought processes.

"You should be ashamed of yourself" Infj: Dies of shame and thinking about it for the rest of their life.

I feel like INFJs are both the most popular and least popular at the same time in school lol

"You're just weird" is one thing that you shouldn't say to an INFJ. We know we process information and experiences a little differently so we already know we're "weird." Saying that to a young INFJ is pretty mean. Even adult INFJs don't like to be reminded about being different. There is simply no reason to say it unless you're trying to hurt their feelings. You shouldn't say it to anyone. Saying it to an INFJ can trigger a shame spiral because it reinforces the idea that we really don't belong anywhere. We spend our entire lives trying to exist in a world that doesn't understand us so we don't need you to share your heartless rude analysis of us. I was always the weird kid growing up and even in my 20s.

For the INFJs here, I have a question about when you were a child. Did you used to get bullied in school? Also, did you always stand up for your friends when someone tried to bully them, but find that no one stood up for you when you were the one getting bullied? (And you didn't stand up for yourself either, thus taking the bully's words to heart?) Just wondering if that's a common experience we INFJs share.

As an INFJ I literally panic and hate it when someone says, "Why don't you decide?" or "You make the decision." I don't want to do that. First of all I'm happier when you decide because I can adapt. Secondly I have no idea if what I decide will make you happy or make you uncomfortable lol.

I think one of the worst things to hear as an INFJ is "you're fake" because we are so concerned with making everyone feel good and be happy that when they say that not only are they attacking your whole cognitive process but it's also like throwing it in your face that you are failing at that, you are not making people happy, they don't like you

Never ask a question and then don't listen to the answer or just walk away. That kills me every time! As an INFJ, that forces me to lose respect for the person almost instantly.

I cried while I was watching the last part.... I'm Japanese and INFJ, and I was really stressed in Japanese society. I think this is because Japanese culture is 'Culture of shame'. We sometimes need to think about the feeling of others too much. And I always felt guilty about something, and always thought 'I'm not enough.' Thank you for letting me realise about this idea!!!

The worst feeling is when you don't think anyone understands you

As an INFJ, one sentence that gives me heart palpitations at work is “let me give you some feedback”. Code for “let me tell you everything that is wrong with you”

Practical INFJ male here. Maybe it's a result of growing up without much money, but I've always been quite practical and efficient in most things. That said, if anyone tells me I HAVE TO do something, I'm going to every length to prove I don't have to do that, no matter how practical and positive that thing might be. Anytime my supervisor tells me to do something a different way, it feels like micro-management, especially when I'm getting the desired results doing it my way. And there's no need to shame me - if I messed something up, I'm already beating myself up worse than anyone else can. Spot on, Frank.

"tell me what you're all about" Good god, man. Neither of us will live long enough to hear that story.

“You’re so quiet” “Speak up” “Get involved” “Come on, socialise” “Consider coming out of your shell more” “Why are you so quiet” “You’re so fussy” “You’re so picky” “ Put yourself out there more” “You need to be more confident” “How are you going to have kids if you’re so anxious” “Don’t be awkward” “You’re a quiet achiever but we need to focus on your brand”

When an INFJ makes the effort to tell/show you something do NOT brush them off. When we make the effort to find you and interact with you, it means we value you . You brush us off we don't value you so much any more. (edit for typo)

Lately, a collegue of mine told me "You don't understand me" and "You betrayed me", after I told her that I have been currently more a psychologist than a friend. I passed so many times listening to her talking about her childhood/life, giving advices, encouraging her, being honest as possible, and facilitating her socialization. I feel hurt and sad, especially misunderstood by her, who has done almost nothing for me. To be my friend, I really need a good psychological, emotional and intellectual connection. PS : Sorry for my english, I am not an english native speaker.

As an INFJ who grew up in a household where shame was used a lot, I can say I absolutely still struggle with shame a lot. If I'm shamed for something, even unintentionally, I will never do that thing again. Even if the other person isn't aware that what they said resulted in that. I realize this is my issue to overcome (rather than place blame somewhere else), but it's probably my #1, lifelong challenge.

One thing to never DO to an INFJ: Choose someone else. They will be done with you. They may still love you, but they will not want you back. They do not play second best after they have revealed themselves to you, and you chose to reveal yourself to someone else. They are done.

For me, it’s “Shut up.” People have no idea how much energy it takes for me (such as trying to gather confidence or planning what I’m about to say) when I choose to say something. When I give my input on a situation, it means that it’s important to me. When someone instantly tries to shut me down by saying that, without even trying to understand why I’m saying what I’m saying, it REALLY gets to me.

As an INFJ it is extremely difficult for me to tell a lie. I do not like to hurt anyone, so I may soften the truth. But an outright lie is very hard for me and I always regret not being 100% truthful. P.S. As hard as it is being like we are I would never ever change who I am. Be you, be proud and be strong. Love to you all.

I'm an INFJ, and coincidentally, I have been through some serious trauma lately. I had severe scoliosis, and I spent many years trapped at home behind four walls because my condition was very unstable. For me, there was no hope, I became so pessimistic and self-destructive, and my INFJ personality hyped up everything. I can't describe the emotional torture I went through because of my own brain. I had surgery last year, and now, finally, things have started to settle down. I've always been told how sensitive I am. It was only last year that I found out about my MBTI, and now I realise how my personality type enhanced my sensitivity in that stressful situation. If I had known it before, maybe I would have dealt with things much better. I'm now attending therapy, and my therapist tells me how much of an ambitious personality I have. Finally, I feel at least some peace. Now I can start being healthier mentally too; I'm really trying to stabilise all these extremes of my personality. I'm so happy I found your channel; it made me laugh and helped me embrace and understand my personality.

INFJ’s are amazing thinkers and have some of the best ideas but often have trouble finding the words to say it. People also like to to talk over them and assume an INFJ’s silence equals stupidity 🙂

INFJs also can't stand seeing rudeness or oblivious people, that annoys me so much Oh yeah, thanks for all the likes :3

My very recent ex literally said everyone of these things to me. Daily. Every single day. I quit my 9-5 job, isolated myself from all of my friends and family, quit my side-hustle business that paid my bills, depleted my $8k savings, I started sleeping all day, started antidepressants, started therapy, quit therapy, I lost hope in every single ability, self-esteem dropped to -30, my hair started falling out, I then started forgetting/not wanting to take care of myself. I kicked him out yesterday. I am broke af and 3 days late on my rent, a month behind on my car note, my phone is suspended, I have zero groceries, no gas money, not a single penny, not a single person I could call to talk to. I don’t start my new job for another 5 days. And with all of this going wrong, sitting on the coldest rock bottom, this is the most peace I’ve had in 2 years. Please be careful who you let into your heart and mind. I believe as INFJs we are quick to accept blame, believe criticisms, and we take it hard.

I was always different, but only discovered a few years ago that I am an INFJ. I was so relieved. I actually like the person I am because I am very kind, helpful, and give great advice. I always say that I’m an outgoing Introvert because I can talk to anyone; however, it can drain me if the conversation goes on too long. I then need to recharge by being alone. Overall, INFJs are good people and make great friends.

T types to INFJs: "You're too emotional." Other F types to INFJs: "You're cold."

"INFJs always just have this anxiety of, I'm missing something. There's something i'm not seeing. I don't have all the information." That's so very true :)

Here is a big one: "You're overthinking". This drives me NUTS. I have heard this so many times. Pretty much always from guys I'm with. It's especially upsetting because it feels like a dismissive way to stop me from being myself, or stop the conversation because they are uncomfortable, but then they can blame it on me. Especially because I'm probably sharing or bringing them into something vulnerable (rare) in order to connect with them!! It's such a turn off and also feels like I'm being shamed. My friend and I were out last week and I was really getting overstimualted socially and triggered by something happening. I was hiding it but started to tell him I was feeling off and asking him for reassurance. He said "...I think you're overthinking it" like it was all so easy to just turn off my processes. I was going to do what I normally do (say "oh...ya, you're right, I probably am") and then fade into the background and act fine, feeling misunderstood and confused. But I tried something new and said "...I know I'm overthinking! That's the point! That's why I'm asking for help!".... then I felt bad about that and he didn't seem to know what to say and it solved nothing. It was terrible. 😂

When anyone tells me “It’s a conversation that needs to be had.” I am likely to say “No”. This is because I’ve already thought it through and made my decision based on every possible scenario and frankly I refuse to engage in an argument with anyone whose goal is simply to win at any cost.

I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.

Me, an INFJ: I'm spontaneous! How dare you! Also me: *has a Google Doc with a list of possible activities to do with friends, what to talk about, who to invite, and what movies to watch based on who's there*

As an INFJ myself This video is really hurtful but at the same time brutally true.😓

Being an infj is extremely tough having severe anxiety. Especially being told growing up that you're inadequate or a failure.

Does anyone feel like they’re going through an existential crisis all the time?

When I announce a decision (move, divorce, whatever), and they say, “That’s so fast! Have you given this any thought?!” * yeah. For the last 3 years. I just didn’t run it by you or anyone else.

I agree with this so much. I'm a manager and I love organising, improving things, discussing ideas with staff and making things better. I hate getting questioned on my final plan, especially when it's from people who haven't seen the bigger picture or who haven't bothered themselves. I've done each thing for a reason. I also hate how I make things detailed enough to log information we need and balanced it with time we have to keep it up daily. Then someone comes in trying to add too many small details that don't matter so much. I'm like we have so much to do in so little time I need it clear, functionable and simple to keep on top of daily for the staff. Rant over but this video spot on. Going through this right now. 😫

It’s the first time I’m hearing about INFJ personality and it gave me goosebumps. All these years I have always felt different and don’t really know why and hearing these traits rings a lot of bells. I live with someone who never plans and it’s stressing me a lot, I like knowing what’s ahead so I can make plans and play a scenario in my head. I’m highly intuitive and most of the time it’s right so I am more anxious when my intuition kicks in. I always see patterns in any situation, people, places and it’s driving me nuts when I confirm that my intuition is right and I didn’t follow it. I put a lot of effort in everything I do, my husband always tells me not to sweat and it upsets me because I believe that even small things deserve more time. In my mind, I’m already making the effort so I should make it worthwhile. It’s quite tiring, thank you for your advise about managing my thoughts and actions better.

Here's one never to say to an INFJ: "Don't you ever think about other people's feelings?"

Infj: Let’s be more spontaneous and healthy! Other people: Hey let’s do this new unplanned thing. Infj: *N O*

I, throughout childhood, more or less was forced to adapt into behaviors that’s norm in other personality types. But over the course of years I realized I’m an INFJ who had to behave differently for others sake, but now as an independent adult strives to be an INTJ (because emotions usually are in the way for my internal thoughts).

I’m always clear with people, that if “they don’t know who I really am”, it’s because they haven’t invested in listening to what I’ve been saying about myself, over the experiences we’ve had together.

Someone: *calls my name in a not so happy tone* Me: Oh no. What did I do this time?

"We need to talk." I hear that and instantly try to come up with the worst possible reason why that was said.

"I don't know who you really are." Welcome to the club. I learn something new about myself all the time, and I've already been around for a while.

As an INFJ, the second one is really accurate, and this statement is because of my own experience. So when my Dad's new girlfriend decided to move in to our house, they began discussing about my future, specifically, my debut. His girlfriend told me that I should be practical and "perahin na lang" which means that I should choose money over experience. I didn't disagree, but I, without a doubt, didn't also agree. So I was disappointed when my father agreed to what she just said, but I can't blame them, they never really understood me, maybe they did, but they really didn't. I am so sure that I won't take their advice and just be practical, because a debut is a once in a lifetime experience, I can't let "being practical" take it away from me. It's been on my head for a couple of months, and an idea popped into my mind. I thought that if I earn the money that I will be using in my debut, I will not be worried about my debut from getting cancelled, my money, my plan.

I love how I’m an introvert and after I get close to someone I just can’t stop talking. Then when I say that I’m an introvert they don’t believe me 🤭🤦‍♀️

I hate it whenever people ask me why I'm shy. I just don't like to make meaningless conversation..

I have to say that the time I worked with law enforcement and prosecutors allowed me to learn how to explain my reasoning. Often I would "know" and then have to walk it back and create the explanation and justification. Over many years I now can do without a lot of stress.😊

I’m an INFJ, and I’m so thankful for your video. I’ve never seen something so accurately define who I am and why. Wow, what a blessing to know I’m not alone and reading everyone’s comments too is so encouraging.

For me, the worst is being told "Stop overreacting" or "Stop being so sensitive" it really triggers my fight or flight lol

Why do i see so many people that understand me here and i just feel slightly happier but also kind of sad because I've never meet anyone that understood me like this in real life

A lot of variation within the INFJ community. As none of those things bother me, being very self aware, empathic, analytical, and intuitive usually leads me through all those moments. And I often “play it by ear”, “wing it” and “go with the flow” because intuition leads me along while the analytical part keeps me grounded in facts and practical. We’re all different, even if we’re INFJs.

Intj here. I keep having little fits over where I line up with these embarrassing revelations. Soooo uncomfortable. Good thing I developed the ability to laugh at myself. Keep up the thought provoking videos. Loving you right now ❤❤❤

Me, slowly understanding what it means to be INFJ: oh that kinda explains why I'm NEVER missing out on reading comment sections and I'm always majorly disappointed when comments are turned off..

I would say that another thing that wounds me deeply is: “You’re slacking off. You’re not trying hard enough.”, when actually I’m on my last legs and try to move mountains.

As an IxxJ, I totally relate to a lot of this. I love how you go past the 'Don't hurt a _____ person's feelings' kind of video and give advice on how to get over being upset by these things. It's a very informative video while still being entertaining. Very good.

This is great! You described really accurately the way I feel sometimes and I wasn’t able to put it into words.

Im INFJ AND CAN'T STAND WHEN PEOPLE TALK IN CIRCLES GET TO THE POINT IM HERE TO LEARN SOMETHING ! TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE😥

“Tell me about yourself.” “...” *Spontaneous combustion*

As an INFJ, I really need to stop saying things to myself like "I ought to be ashamed," or "I don't really know who I am." I'm always criticizing myself, and this video just made me realize why I have low self-esteem, and also taught me to be more kind to myself.

thank you Frank, I can understand myself better thanks to you, and I feel so relieved that you are an INFJ too, and you describe your feelings so detailed and it makes me feel kind of more relevant...

You should never say to an infj “you owe me something”. They live their life not just trying to be fair, but extremely generous to other people. When someone then has the nerve to say we owe them something, it literally sounds like an insult.

Me: thinks I've done something spontaneous also me: *realizes that it was part of my 10 year plan*

INFJ married to an INFJ here, amazed at what a spectrum this type can be. Thank you, Frank for all you share on your channel.

The last one is something I've been told many times before to the point where it was overwhelming, so now I try to be more "chill", not to let people get under my skin by making me feel ashamed. This video actually made me realize it, so thank you lol

Personally, I detest it when someone says “Oh, I don’t remember saying that.” What! Am I making it up? Nah. I listened to everything you told me because I care but you data dumped pertinent details of our conversation? Gah! 🙄

Never tell an INFJ to “calm down” Because we are obviously not calm because we have figured out something that has completely internally disrupted the way we planned for our selves to feel. Also, never tell an INFJ “you’re crazy” or “you’re too emotional “

This is too true for me When you said "don't sweat the small stuff!" I genuinely felt a shiver run through my back, and when you said "you should be ashamed." I wanted to cry, it was crazy

Thank you!! I have learned the "whys" of my personality by watching your videos but man this one is so spot on!!!🤜🏽💥🤛🏻

*Why do you think that’s a good idea?* Infj brain: *loading... please wait...*

I love being able to scroll through the comments and be able to relate to everything everyone's saying

My daughter is an INTJ!!!! And has been telling me since she was 14 months old how to do something!!!! I fought her for decades. And now I am in my 60’s finally genuinely learning how to be less sensitive more open and realistic! We now get on! So what my weak points are ( need a Week to write that out), main one is awareness of what frequent criticism’s do to my energy! We expend much on those in our Focus. When not appreciated it zaps desire to go on doing that. Lack consistency ( over long haul). What never to say to INFJ Just talk none stop and tell you to re-frame the 10 words you said in 2 hours. Tell you, “ your’e full of self pity .! I have no time for that” Never tell us you are a friend when really you are an acquaintance who cant be bothered getting to know us-

I feel called out 😂😂 But for real tho, everything is spot on to what I think almost daily and how I handle my own struggles. Great job and keep up the amazing work.

I REALLY don't like when people question my motives or character.

The most sad thing for me as an INFJ is that when I am talking about things I valued and sharing my findings with other people, especially with my friends, and they're like, "okay, good and have you guys heard about this story..." and start a whole new conversation about things that just don't really matter that much to me and I lost all my interest in participating in that conversation. For me, it is just the saddest moment as an INFJ and it happens many times in my life. And now I don't bother to share my real thoughts to people I don't really trust and earning my trust is really hard, if you do something wrong, I will just kick you out of my world in my mind.

I was frustrated with why I do things differently and your video helped me understand myself a bit, thank you so much!

I hate it when people tell me “it’s not that deep bro” constantly, especially when its important and I am trying to tell them something.

I also hate it when someone is being pretentious/fake. Like, the moment you see that person, you JUST instantly know how fake that person is & you just don't understand how everyone can stand talking to these people, while you slowly die from eye-rolling a million times in your own head.

As an INFJ-T I absolutely hate when someone tells be I’m lazy or I’m being lazy. It has to do with not liking being told what to do but I don’t like when people assume I haven’t been working on things I’m just in my head figuring things out. Calm down.

This is so helpful to reflect and put my behavior into perspective. Thank you so much!!

I'm an infj. It took me years to break out from that shell. Thousands of self help books, practise being confident and chatty, not be so sensitive, less judgmental on what's wrong and right etc. INFJ are very pure and kind, intelligent, inward looking, analytical. I see infj as past life monks or beings who have gotten over the human phase. Infj are like spiritual loving beings who come back to serve and help humanity. Infj need to learn how to take care of themselves, not try to be martyr or giver all the time, don't care what others say because others don't do much thinking anyways.... Don't always think in terms of black and white, right and wrong, many times it is a blurry cloud where people are motivated by different agendas and we should lessen our mental load by practising non judging and don't analyse everything.

my friend : wow u look so beautiful . what skincare did u use ? me : ahh thank you . i just- my friend : looks uninterested me : finish what im saying and never talk to them again

I hate when someone says "you overthink things, or think too deeply about things, or get over it, or you're too deep or too serious, or you over react" I hate when someone tells me that my feelings or the way I think or feel is wrong and not normal...!

“Our identity is something that doesn’t often concern us” - well pointed out. So when people say they don’t know us, in part they are referring to this. But sometimes it is rude in the sense it can come across as if we’re hiding something or fake or something.