A powerful thing i like to remember is "It is not my fault (that i act this way) but it is my responsibility to change."

This is a nice change from everyone constantly focusing on everyone else being toxic or a narcissist. Not nearly enough focus on self!

Thanks. I'm toxic. I'm trying to find that healthy balance between being toxic and being a door mat. Your videos are helping me heal.

Violating boundaries Controlling Jealousy Frequent lying Self Centeredness Poor communication Blaming/victimhood Superiority/judgemental ❤🙏 thank you this was excellent✨

First steps to healing yourself is realizing your toxic and getting help 😊

love this! often narcissist or toxic people are made out to be monsters when most of us have some of these traits to one degree or another. Really balanced, healthy video, thank you.

I needed this. I just lost a very important 5 year relationship. It was mutual in the sense we both knew deep down it was toxic but I was the toxic bond that did the final push to make her feel the need to walk away. I’m not proud of this but I’m determined to spot and work through my toxic patterns that I learned through observation & to cope from a dysfunctional family. I love her but I know I have to let her go and work on me to become the person I feel I am deep down inside. I watched this whole video, and will return several times. Thanks Doc Snipes!

As a society, we NEED more of this. _I thank you greatly!!!_ 🙂

Ugh, when I think back on it I was Chernobyl level toxic when I was in high school. Trying to do better as an adult, it's not easy!

I have toxic relationship and its mostly me, because of abandonment and past relationship hurts...not to mention toxic parents growing up.

Been in recovery for many years. I struggle with codependency and self center behaviors. This so very good. Thanks.

I was never afraid to look at my toxic traits and be honest about them, the downside to that is as a healing codependent people who don’t want to look at themselves try to fix you when they should look at themselves.

Thank you Dr Snipes for doing this video I have thought for a while that I might be the toxic one but I'm living in denial of it. One way that I am toxic is that I don't trust that I won't be hurt. I'm afraid of setting boundaries because when I do and they get broke I become very angry. One suggestion that you gave here is to honestly take a look at what our boundaries are and write them down and share it I don't trust that my wife loves me. I'm threatened by my wife having a close relationship with our son. Lying is a big defect of mine because again I'm afraid of being hurt. My lying is trivial over small matters. Passive aggressive communication and behavior is something that I need to overcome. I place myself in both the place of being blamed and blaming others. Your suggestion to take a look at my pattern of the way I communicate Mindfully and non-judgmentally taking a look at the relationships I'm in and my part in them is the beginning of change. Writing things down helps me to see things clearly. Thank you Dr Snipes for your in depth video on our relationships and how we might be toxic.

At first I was not toxic, but at the end of my last relationship I become a toxic person. I’m scared, because I have a soar behavior!!

It happens in small layers and is often my Inner Child being poorly parented.

This was uncomfortable like i knew it would...you confirmed some things I had a hunch about, I just needed to get a second perspective such as this. I have corrected some of these behaviors after reflection, but I still hv work to do. Thanks for confirming these are learned behaviors so there is nothing to be ashamed about or to shame others bc they learned these behaviors too. Also, i recognize how i have been in some toxic relationships, and I've sustained them bc of my own toxic patterns. Thank you!

I may be able to tell my father (he is 95), that he has toxic behaviors that I have not been able to live and grow with and I have been very angry at him for this. This video is very timely for ME! Boundaries were something I was never even allowed to maintain with him! I could not be around him without him demanding certain behaviors from me followed with pouting or threats. Now I am later in my life and have spent most of my time alone to try to get rid of demanding people. But now I am learning that this means I want to use my own behaviors for things that work toward my own expression and happiness, NOT HIS. Any kind of bonding for me, or even "collaboration" for me has always wound up in me giving way too much so I would not be abandoned by someone, (and take away my physical survival upkeep), I wanted to be independent from ANYWAY! Thank you, Doc S. I will contact you sometime in the future to interact with you, but your content right now is sooo good that my brain is spinning with so much growth that my head is spinning like a top! I am eating it up like a ravenous wolf. Thank you sooo much. Your stuff is really working for me. 🐺

I dated a guy for two months when I caught him going through my phone, reading old and personal messages between me and my grown children, and any other old message from the previous 5 years. I was so creeped out I couldn’t dump him fast enough!

Several places where I worked were toxic and I responded in kind, not good. After getting a new job it took some time to reorient so I understand.

idk why but Doc Snipes seems like someone that would be killer at the chessboard. The intelectual vibe is strong in this one. God Bless this chanell.

Doc Snipes, This and all your resources have become invaluable to me over these past six months to supplement my work from Therapy. The spectrum of these behaviors and addressing my ingrained black/white thinking towards their potential to exist inside us with compassion instead of shame makes it easier to accept that we can all exhibit toxic behaviors... without being a toxic or ill intentioned person. It helps develop awareness and desire towards showing up more authentically as much as possible. Your presentation style offers a great way of helping to shine a light on where we can grow in relationship with ourselves and others without hiding in shame from historically acting in ways we weren't aware of yet. Willingness and personal accountability are the cobblestones which the road of personal growth and acceptance is built upon. Thank you for all of this information and fostering a community that also helps us to realize these are human nature and shared areas of opportunity once identified... not simply a personal scarlet letter. Whatever its worth to anyone reading this from a stranger on the Internet, I am so proud of us all taking these intentional steps to see how we show up in the world around us. Best of luck to you all in whichever steps your journey takes you on, though we can only walk our own path may we all remember we are never alone!

Thank you Doc Snipes. My parents were codependent in their relationship. Both of my marriages consisted of two codependents. I do not want to make the same mistake a third time. Have been single over five years now. Trying to learn and know better, be better and do better. You are so much help in my recovery program. God bless you and yours.

Jealousy, defo. I am not afraid of being alone, in fact I enjoy my peace but I am extremely possessive and have collosal trust issues. Honestly it's so bad I'd rather stay single cos I feel like if I collide with someone else, we will just both be miserable.

Is it a boundary break to look in your partner's phone to find evidence of an affair, also she was deeply involved with a cult like organisation? I felt in needed answers after her personality and actions changed after 8 years of marriage with 2 young children She was effectively living a double life, I felt bad for doing it but I had answers finally after years of non communication and devaluation of me as a person. We are now divorced.

Love this detailed course in boundaries. I am sensitive to any toxic people, and would never feel right about controlling or smothering someone.

Dawn, this video was enlightening and refreshing whilst simultaneously making me feel very depressed. No-one is ever completely innocent.

Thank you for the education,I have recognized some ares I am Toxic,now I can consider change ,to be more pleasant to others

I have a problem. I obsess over my relationship. I know I exhibit some of these behaviors. My partner exhibits some of these behaviors. I’m trying to work on myself. I have a trauma coach that has helped me tremendously. My partner sees zero need for therapy. He doesn’t recognize his behaviors as toxic. I’m sad about this because I feel like it will be the end of us if something doesn’t change. And I don’t know how to reach him. I keep thinking that modeling better behaviors and working on my communication will help. But I’m not sure.

I’m excited for this! Because the only one we can control on any relationship is ourselves. I’d rather learn more about how to change my own behavior that creates negative results than learn about how or why others express their own. Because so can’t co tell them. But I can take responsibility for me.

Thank you , i really appreciate this information. I’ve been very toxic .

I hope that many truly toxic folks will find this video. Instead, they are staring at a TV show of some insanity.

If you truly love people you don't let them violate your boundaries. That's akin to letting someone walk off a cliff because one day they'll violate the wrong person's boundaries and may end up dead.

Super helpful and edifying. Gonna revisit this video again & again. Thank you Dr. Snipes

Isn’t jealousy ultimately anger (as you said) combined with shame? Another very illustrative video.

Interesting information that can create "a better me." Thanks, we can all use this kind of information...I subscribed!

This is very good thing to know and making me realise, but this has also because due to many bad experiences that toxic leadership has tried implicate their perspectives into mine. Is this called boundary violation. I do admit I hate it.

Excellent lesson for life! I wish I had come across this vídeo while in my last relationship which was highly toxic. Ex is a Narc, but now I can see it was also toxic from my side. I will save this video and refer back to It over and over again. Thank you!

Thanks for your insightful precepts and for helping me see a little clearer about my caregivers, how their childhoods affected me, my Brothers and later, my interactions with Supervisors/Bosses. Communication and self help books like yours saved me from much more trauma, as I went threw it, threw every chapter of my life. Excellent on communication, capacities and style...highly recommended you to everyone I chat with.

I wouldn't mind listening to an audio podcast format of your videos as it more accessible when at work.

I am too stressed out & exhausted to keep going. My job & marriage have me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My husband is on disability for a work injury. I am both depressed & angry at the same time so I lash out. I am too tired to change.

I wonder how many of us have a few toxic traits...I feel like most people have at least one.

Your videos are phenomenal!! So much self reflection & learning.

I just realized today that i am toxic and i need to change before I lose a lot f my relationships be it romantic or family.

Dr. Snipes, I so appreciate your content (and I am especially enjoying this teaching on examining when we are actually the toxic ones), thank you!

Fantastic video. I’m going to save and rewatch.

My dad was very bad tempered and use to break things when he was very angry . My mother suffered from anxiety. Their relationship was toxic . So what did I do ? I got married to a man who was bad tempered too !I now suffer from anxiety.

Wow you hit the nail on the head.

I’m a parent of a 13 year old who is very shy. He’s a great kid… but I’m trying to help him build confidence. Is that being toxic that I’m trying to help my son to feel more confident around people and his environment?? He’s naturally shy snd quiet. I just want him to be able to fend gif himself as he gets older. I don’t want other people to take Advantage of him. I’m not trying to change him at his core… I support all his interests and activities. I let him make choices gif himself but I just want him to be able implement confidence in whatever situation he finds himself in?? Love your videos thank you!!

Sometimes I would get baited by people into getting angry. It's difficult to deciper when it's you or them because ultimately they are trying to do it to care about you, but you have to look at the signs to step back and not engage in their behavior by setting up behavioral shields. This often means you have to change your own behavior and let what they do slide without it effecting you.

Thank you for letting me know to realize something how this really relates to my own personal behavior now I know I’m toxic😊

I'd like to hear you talk more about how to be less self-centered. Re: Poor Communication - I grew up knowing that the only way to communicate with my father was through my mother. She was my window into what he was thinking, but usually it was the same: first couple shots, almost fun, playful in his cynicism, few more shots, maudlin, weepy, few more shots the nightmare screaming yelling slamming and crying began. Conversely, I was Mom's comfort for morning-after bruises and crying jags before I went to Third Grade. I assumed everybody grew up like that, so my communication skills were really messed up for a long time. Still working on it fifty years later LOL

I don't have any desire to control anyone as it's just not in my nature. But I realised in the last few years that most of my family are dealing with past trauma and insecure attachment and that it's been getting passed down through the generations. One relative in particular has been abusing alcohol since he was about 10 and he often gets into the most foul moods even in the middle of a banal conversation it can just creep up on him and he recalls a former fight or argument, or will get overly judgemental about something recent which involved him a lot, a little, and sometimes not at all, and he can sound literally violent and monstrous through words alone. Further more he has a tendency to interpret people's behaviour as rude or offensive and try to hold them to account over something as minor as being a few minutes late visiting for lunch, not observing some random etiquette such as using cutlery the "right" way. He'll make assumptions about things happening in other peoples lives and interactions they have with others. He's always insisting that certain people are bullies, or that his relatives behave in ways he doesn't agree with out of spite or lack of respect, or because they too are bullies. His father it seems was very harsh on him and his sister when growing up, which I believe since I witnessed some of it. However he blames his older sister who had run away to get married in secret, for his dad's abusive behaviour, rather than blaming his dad. I don't know if I am now being toxic for telling him that his views and interpretations are toxic and wrong. I've become self aware and woken the f*&k up in a big way, and now I can see things for how they really are. My relative has suffered abuse and bullying and this is why he seeks the escape alcohol offers, and I believe it is why he is so very confrontational and always interpreting peoples actions as deliberate acts of aggression. I've told him that his older sister is not responsible for they way his father treated him and his other sister, but he will not hear of it and would rather blame his sister (who's alive) rather than accept that his father (not alive) acted out his grief (inflicted by eldest daughter and golden child) on the remaining children. I have always been very observant and reflective and am certain I'm right about this, but he doesn't take the time to introspect and consider the possible psychological reasons for his and other people's behaviour. He doesn't give credit to how learning disabilities can affect people's actions, doesn't believe things like ADHD exist, and prefers to believe that everything people do is a premeditated selfish choice. His viewpoint makes no sense and I now tell him this, but am I violating his boundaries by making a stand and pushing him in the direction of self awareness and growth mindset change?

Thanks Dee Snipes. A great discussion, good eye opener.🤩

Your work is really helpful, thank you. Continue at it. Can you make a video about how to develop social skills ? Communication skills etc when we are shy ?

Depends. In relationships, each person is responsible to the relationship, that includes knowing where the person is, knowing if they’re talking to people that either person in the relationship is uncomfortable with… Any “space” also at the same time has to be responsible to the relationship, not in spite of it.

Thank you for this! Great information presented with insight and sensitivity. ~Manfred Melcher, MSW, LCSW, LICSW

Great video, thank you Doc Snips!

What to do if YOU'RE the "Friend in Low Places" 🤔 😕 🙂

Thank you so much for this!

Loved this video. Thank You.

Stealing is toxic.

My ex did all that very toxic track my car take my phone did a search online for my email whole lot toxic stuff. I was shocked he act so toxic he was a narcissist so is his mother both toxic. I had to run he was trying to get physical with me. I hope he get help but narcissist don't normally get help

Please make a video about coercive control . 🙏

We need more of these topics. Too many of those narcissists topics made by those “ victims” who think themself are empath, they don’t get it that they are so blinded to not be able to see their one dysfunctions and toxicity. If they are that healthy and really good, they are not going to dancing with a narcissist. They are the same dysfunctional just as narcissistic people but is at opposite of the same coin. Once they ca. sit down really look at themselves this way, then the real heal will begin. Keeping telling people narcissist are evil, demonic, is not going to make these broken empath heal.

Five out of five stars for this one.

I tend to get totally absorbed and go completely "nose to the wind" when I'm doing something I really love. If I'm with someone else, it's a real challenge for me to divide my attention between the activity and them. I need to be more forthright in communicating that up front, and work on ways to stay grounded and aware of others around me. I also catch myself wishing people would "just know" some things, without me having to tell them. In my head, if I tell my significant others what I would really like from them, they might feel put out, or just say no. If I don't tell them - knowing that I then can't expect them to do it, but that's ok - at least I don't run the risk of being misunderstood or turned down. My coping strategy in my dysfunctional family was to work out how to meet my needs myself, hide my real feelings and "go with the flow", because opening up to my parents wasn't safe. In all of that I lost sight of my younger brother because I didn't know how to take care of him and deal with all the other stuff too. Anyway, thanks so much for this video, and for showing me ways to improve!

Good news is I'm not as toxic as I thought I was. Bad news is my parents are towards me.

So, other than someone coming into the bathroom when in the shower and dropping one, I dont care about email, dont care about my phone, etc. Yes I have been a control freak in the past, still working on it. I guess I need to figure out if I have any definite boundaries.

I'd like to add that you can also feel jealous because of systemic disadvantages, and that a way out of that jealousy might not be an individualistic approach but also political rage and organizing yourself with others to fight against systemic disadvantanges.

I really really need to send this to my ex... he had extreme malignant narcissist parents (overt and covert, but imo they tend to flip depending on how their life is going)... and also it's worth mentioning he was forced to only have them in his life growing up, no contact from other family allowed. Then he joined the marines for a year... So all he's ever been taught is toxic interpersonal violence, psychopathic loss of emotions, and manipulative competitiveness fueled by hate and anger. It's all he's ever known and I really wish I could help him break the generational curses... But I know he'll not even watch this at all if I were to send it. He never listened in the years of marriage so why would he listen now. He would also attack me so no thanks. Prayers for them y'all that's definitely what we must do. 🙏 ❤

Is it controlling if you control the narrative? My mother is so defensive, when I asked her if she would stop labelling me paranoid, she was the victim of me, so wounded, my Dad came over to reprimand me for hurting mum. She has been giving me the silent treatment now for 3 years. Their narrative is that I. Hurt. Them. and my behaviour was atrocious. Ungrateful and angry and entitled. My narrative is that I should be allowed to give a bit of feedback, and that my hurt is not a grudge (as I was told) while theirs is real and used to shame me. I see how it's not just one thing, or even a million one things. It's the ENTIRE NARRATIVE that they control. I can never win. Their pain is proof of my flaws, while my pain is also proof of my flaws. It's just impossible. Why am I trying to fix this?!

So detailed, nice.

I know i'm toxic because i'm looking for a compiled list in the comments

Thanks for your helpful information, I realize that I am a toxic person.

Growing up I never was allowed any space or privacy. I tried several times to have a secret diary but my mom was aways blatantly looking through it because she said it was God's will for her to know my every thought. That God appointed her as my "steward", so no private opinions allowed. I remember it aggravated her because I liked to draw pictures of fairies and those were "demonic". Or when I was secretly puzzling over how could Jesus BE the Son of God if He was supposed to be God Himself? Is He His own Son? Or how there was a boy in my class I MIGHT have liked but didn't want anyone to know because Dad said I was not allowed to like boys and I was scared he would find out and punish me for it. So I never really felt comfortable saying anything in the diary that would've been "wrong". So it wasn't really a proper diary. More like a public forum. Heck, my sister sometimes wrote in my diary. MY diary was oftentimes cluttered with HER notes/school stuff/thoughts. I got so mad when she used the page I would have used to continue a little comic strip I was drawing to scribble a bunch of her own stuff right in the middle. So I never thoughts twice about having a controlling partner. It was probably around the time my ex boyfriend got genuinely angry at me for making my own decisions about cutting my hair or changing my ringtone that it dawned on me: Why do I let everyone always boss me around and take my stuff away? When do I get to have my own space?? LOL I even let my ex depreciate the music I wrote: he insisted that anything with electronic instruments or that is not his style of choice (he liked folk music) is trash...Even when it was a love song I wrote for him 😅 He didn't like it because the musical producer added electronic music and a jazzy saxophone. He said it sounded like cheap elevator music💔❤️‍🩹

Very helpful information Thank you

It’s totally foolish to let your significant other have “friendships” with anyone you’re not comfortable with.

I tend to be on the receiving end of toxic people at times.....

Is it toxic after betrayal and complete breach of trust and a decision to continue to work on a repair to the damage and the trust in a romantic relationship and an agreement that phones are to be transparent and open at any time to either partner to show there is nothing to hide? After a few sessions in couples therapy it was suggested that everything be transparent and in the open, for all things.: whereabouts, timeframes of eta’s, who will be present and phone access If this is toxic, why was it suggested as a way to mend and heal and how does one rebuild the trust with the affected partner?

I love your content

already watched this through...got it..scanned it.

Reading tyhese comments. Men admitting our toxic behaviours, women, as ever, blaming men and ignoring their own poison.

Even as children we were kicked out of restaurants because of our behavior, most times neighbors invited us over once, never again. Just rowdy kids, 2 of the 4 with undiagnosed tourettes, my god how did my parents survive........

Wonderful thanks

Lots of people our toxic Gosh true

I have some of these but I think the reason I don’t have more is because I learned be an Asexual-loner made my life easier and stop, breaking other people 05:25

ii Need it Right Now, ion Wanna Lose My Relationship

Thank you.

I saw a kitty 🐈‍⬛ in the video ❤

The last time I let myself control my jealousy, my SO cheated on me with someone I knew on my heart that if they continued to be friends, I would be betrayed.

I need help 😕

Im so toxic on twitter

I find being toxic fun and funny that’s why I am toxic.

What if I know because she told me she’s having an affair?? are these behaviors just a natural need for safety or do you still consider these controlling behaviors and toxic???

Thank you

Preach

I know😌

Le hair es nice ! 🇨🇵

I'm as toxic as a puffer fish, who never learnt what is normal. What is normal and where I can find it? How do you detox as a puffer fish?😂

I live alone so it doesn't matter.🤣🤣