Imagine taking them out of the ditch makes you end up in the DITCH of all Ditches.

Variation. They toss themselves into the ditch and blame you for not stopping them. As if you could...

You fill the ditch up with dirt and fix the ditch and the narc complains that you left them in the bottom of the ditch that they dug for you.

Yes he nailed it. Even made me laugh on that one because it is so true.

Nailed it!

Thank you, Steve! It is important for us to be aware of this.

After 17 years of working/saving/investment into a business dreamt up by the person, left with less money than 17 years ago (that will need to be divided in half). Due to the aftereffects of covid the business and assets are basically worthless. "Love" is blind.

Steve I'm going through all of those problems right now.my husband is a covert narc. I'm married to him for 15 yrs.he fired from his job 10 yrs ago,on disability for 5yrs now.Its really hard to get out. I pray all the time for wisdom to get out,but not sure where to start.

@@kathleenbristol6747 Kathleen, my best wishes to you. Start by just getting out. It never gets better. Get out, get your life back. All I can say. It's not easy. It's hard work and trauma. But you can make it.

Any time you want to talk I will listen. It's hard. God knows. But you can do it.

Discovery leads to recovery. Through many tears and gradual healing of all the places in oneself that were burned and shocked by the intentional words & actions of

It's also is proof of their delusions that they are "God's or goddesses". When reality is theydisplay no love in any way,shape, or form. So the fact is they are even less than human, they are sub human. We all know to that when they see this statement they will say something like "see he is calling me names and shaming me, I'm justified in hurting him". No, no you pathetic narcs you are below us humans and Godly people. You have no right to do anything negative to any of us and hurt our lives. Just like the name of this 4 legged friend sitting next to me, he is what we call a dog. Therefor what YOU sub humans are, we call narcs. Be good to others and you can then be called what WE are, humans. Pretty simple and not complicated at all. As you all can tell, if I didn't have such a strong and good heart and soul the narcs in my life would have taken me out of this world already

The Narc brother ridiculed my education because I went further than him.

Same here Beverly!!! He let me know how he felt about me making more money than him! He was not happy I got promoted. He insulted me a lot but I knew it was all false so I mostly Ignored his idiocy and told him he was a idiot who barely graduated HS and has zero common sense, while I have a masters degree, so he had no path to insulting my intelligence! I wasn’t going to let him walk on me at times. Some other things were harder to fight back on! Gaslighting is a tough one.

@@davidJohnsonguitarguy So did mine. He showed up at my University graduation just to stand beside me and say "Yeah but you know what kind of person you are." According to his wife he was angry that he got married young and didn't have the chance to go to University. That's my fault how??????🤔

That makes them dangerous, tbh. Bringing everyone down as well, which they know I'm sure.

We focus a lot on the emotional damage but the financial harm is what will leave you devastated and set back in life. Do not engage with these people at all. Know the signs and make yourself scarce.

That's dewp and true

Agreed, yes : )

I am so sorry you suffered & so proud of the strength you had to beat cancer, (in your head, oh my god..) you are a warrior, I admire you & I am so glad you no longer have someone who does not pay attention or listen while gaslighting you along the way as the worse cancer eating at your soul any more. Keep those boundaries strong & keep having a zero tolerance for anyone who is unstable & grandiose who does not pay attention or listen while dismissively gaslighting you, these are dangerous people that no one should experience & that we should protect others from, it is true. I hope you are flourishing & healthy & able to enjoy formal communications with healthy people where mutual appreciation is expressed easily & often.

oh wow. i believe it, i’m glad u survived both ❤

I feel the same way after a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. It was easy compared to the pain and trauma I went through during the devalue and discard phase.

💜

Be careful. No contact. Mine has been trying to kill me by heat exhaustion since April 2022. I asked him to move, or if not I would move. He moved bc he is too immature to maintain a home. Then I found out last night that I have missed nearly 6 months of work or more. I was hit by a truck- which had to do with him. He also turned the heater up to level 7-8 behind the armoire in my room. He have me the armoire, but it was only bc he was only too happy to start meeting people or women when we moved in. She gave it to him. I tried to call her and thank her. She did not want to talk to me. It is an IKEA armoire. I came home last night and I finally have the answer to my chronic illness. I was so weak it took me over 30 minutes to inch it away from the wall. I had found a clue when I found a panel cover under the armoire. I tried to use a mirror and flashlight when I smelled a funny smoky smell. I got it away from the wall. What I saw was terrifying. He had been slowly roasting me to death. He had a cycle of coming back every 21 days and leaving 21 days. It was always my fault. When I saw why swear was dripping down my body every night, plus I would wake up 4 x per night with less than 4 to 5 hours of sleep, and I was in the hospital with sepsis I cried. I literally broke down. He was maybe trying to kill me? He kept making comments about "why are you so sweaty and hot?" a lot it got me focused. I was like yeah? Why am I so sweaty and hot? My body was hot all the time. I thought it was maybe early menopause? I literally was tested for everything. My WBC count was up. Every doctor asked me about food or drinks in the home. If I had replaced them. I did not think he was capable of this but now everybody is watching and they are pretty pissed. Especially my family. He lost only 2 days of work in 3 yrs due to my illness. He left me alone to die several times. Well. I have my answer now. He wanted me dead rather than free. My neighbors are watching. The police cannot file a report. There is no proof. I have no camera footage. All I know is that when I wanted to break it off, within 30 days the sweating started. I had my new AC going with a super powerful fan. Honestly. I thought I had Parkinson's disease or some other illness. My hands were shaking. I was walking sideways. I was tired and sick. My job hung in there with me. They can do a lot of damage. If they leave please check for anything toxic. A spider. A snake. The CO 2 system. Throw out all of your food. Check every window and door for security. They can be very vindictive meaning if you are not in sight not in mind. They can wreak havoc on your life. Mine seemed to want revenge for a relationship where I was basically a slave. He drove me to work and home sometimes. That was it. He threatened my coworkers and myself. An analogy looking back is that he didn't want to leave behind anything that belonged to him including myself. He also didn't want a live witness. If he comes here I am ready for him. I have considered moving to another state. He finally said bye for the last time and I blocked his email. I looked 10 years older yesterday than I do today. My energy and shine in my eyes and skin are returning. When they leave it might not be over. They want to mess with your life over a failed relationship? Where most of the failing might have been on them? I do not understand, but I never was with a covert narcissist before. They are capable of so much. Please be safe people. I do not want him hurt, and I told others to just leave it be. I never want to see him again. This is 2022 and we have a new developing menace to society. It has nothing to do with money, race, or any social status . It is partially hereditary. I saw if firsthand. Beware of anyone who crosses one boundary. They will take it further and further and might try to end you when you want to end the relationship.

@@debbyn4647 Yes I read your entire post. You have been put through a lot. Sepsis is not an insignificant infection. You sound like you are aware you need to protect yourself from these threats make sure you do. Take good care you deserve so much better. 😉

Um, after at least the first one, why would you put up with that garbage? 8 times with proof and you stayed?

Great Respect for you to stay with him! I think I would getting crazy dealing with his narc abuse for 1 month! What’s your secret? The way I see it you are far much greater and awesome than he is! But don’t tell him ok! Otherwise he will try to steal your shine! 🤗

Yup it’s definitely a monthly predictable cycle. Same here. I’ve stopped caring and go on and leave him in the dust when he kicks it up!! His dust not mine. I’m outta there like the roadrunner in WB cartoons.

@@iTammy Stay out of the drama and don’t get sucked in. Remember these are all lies the narc says to make him/her feel better about themself. The degree of their anger is the measure of their own self-disgust. Rise above, be happy, remain solid and keep on following Dr. C and his good advice for team healthy🙏

@@kimberlys.7097 Right on! Leave um in the dust and do not lose yourself in their drama. Peace to you and me🙏

I dealt with my narc for 34years. When I learned of his problem, I stopped being his flying monkey. He was so hard to live with! But after three years of crap, he left. He went ghost. I was not only abused psychologically, I was abused sexually, emotionally, and financially. I never saw it coming. All I say is be careful. Be very careful.❤

Absolutely, still digging out & recovering from.

Yes

Can confirm.

Can confirm

Definitely can confirm

Amen.

Yes, this has been one of the most painful things for me to come to terms with. I finished “People of the Lie” recently and it helped. Praying God can help me become more wise and less naive.

@@dnk4559 I have a read that book. Peck was definitely seeing then, what we are all seeing now, at time when no one was really looking. Evil has been around forever and all it wants to do is steal, kill and destroy.

@@StillAwakeAwareDiscerning sadly so true.

@@dnk4559 I read that a few months back, I also read the road less travelled many years back. Now the books make sense to me. What truly stuck out for me in the people of the lie was the telling of the two parents and the boy their son who they kept changing his schls and blaming him for all their own pathology. They took no responsibility and taking their son to see Dr. Peck was all a show and to make through son 'normal'. Reminiscent of my now elderly parents especially my mom. My father is toxic but I woke up to who she really is. The basic theme with all narcissistic people I've ever known is they never look at themselves. This I took to mean the people of the lie ✌

Absolutely correct. But you know what I've learned? The ones most hurt when a narcissist labels you as the bad one, these are the people who own the love in their heart that a narcissist cannot seem to have.

I'm learning guilty narcissists go on the offense behind your back before you even know what's going on. They will put you through so much and then be mad that can see it all.

@@danielkaiser8971 Yea but how does loyalty work against abuse. You can have a big heart but against a void, you have to mind your steps.

Im in that place now 23 years in a relationship. I have nothing, hes taken my money and everything is in his name ! If i walk away i have nowhere to go and no money. I retire next year and the thought of starting again at this time in my life has destroyed me. Im totally broken, i invested money from the sale of my house when we first got together, so we could buy a property together. He has never protected my interest and the house is in his name. These people are pure evil and they get worse as they get older. Iv never known anyone so controlling and psychologically abusive in my whole life. 😢

Good for you Your story very much like mine But she discarded me. Took the kids dogs and assets and left then got a heavy duty lawyer. I have rebuilt and very happy. My advice-do not remarry. You can get wiped out once and rebuilds, but not twice. Get a LAT relationship- Living apart together

It’s great that you were able to stand up for yourself! Better then than never! I bet the family was shocked because you changed all of a sudden. Go you!

@@fenixrise1272 Thanks! My female relative tried to suck me back in by acting cutesy but I didn't respond. Two years of her craziness had been exhausting enough for me. Now she has fallen out with most everyone else in the family.

Yes, not wanting to be the bad guy had me so resentful that I had to gracefully bow out only to be treated like crap

@@Libbertyone Sometimes being treated like crap by a narc is a high honor! Sooner or later once you are no longer their "source", they will move on. I know my narcissist female relative and her son talked bad about me. But I didn't care! Eventually she was found out by all the rest of the family and her neighbors after she moved back here. And people realized how unpleasant she was. Now she's on the outs with everyone.

I spent decades being manipulated, controlled and bullied by a parent narcissist. Went no contact four years ago and what a relief. Like you, I regret all those wasted years. But I’m glad for where I am at.

You're already unstable if you're with a person like that

@@chayo4537 I was born out of one (or both), and left, I had 3 relationships with some and left, no children were harmed during these UNSTABLE encounters (no marriages no kids), a conman isn't going to say they are lying to you, that’s what you find out in hindsight. But your free to detect any Psychopath out of 100 people, my bet is you do not recognise them. (Source dr. Hare) Another thing I had normal relationships that seems unstable at times but stabilised, what Narcissist mimic is exactly the same thing, but the difference is it doesn't stabilise over time it will start to TILT. NEXT.

At least he said "we". My version is " you always hide behind me, never take any responsibility, you only takes the credit. I can't rely on you for anything".

Mine would never make a decision on anything. Would defer all decisions to me, then if there was any issue or problem, he would says "I KNEW this wouldn't work out, I just didn't want to say anything and get "yelled at by you" LOL. I was way too busy walking on eggshells to "yell" at him. When things worked out well, of course he bragged to people about how "we" did this and "we" did that.

Good food for thought.

Narcissists know no boundaries. At least not ones normal people respect. I remember coming home from work and my ex pointing out a birthday card that had come in the mail that day for me from my father in law. She explained that it contained a check but she had already deposited it. I fought with her continuously about not opening mail addressed to me.

@@svaujin OH GEEZ. After a longtime friend of mine got married, and her new husband BLOCKED me on FB, I sent her a greeting card with my phone number in it, saying, "If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, don't hesitate to call." But I have a strong suspicion she NEVER EVEN SAW the card. It would not surprise me if he didn't just tear it up and toss it out before she even knew it was there. That guy is the one another friend first pointed out to me, "He sounds like a NARCISIST." I worry about her (we'd been friends since 1996!) but there's not much more I can do (especially as we're on opposite ends of the country).

My boundaries in the past appear to be a blur 🙃 I'm stronger now and still learning 💪 🙏

The way I see it is that a boundary is as simple as you having a favourite flavour of icecream and if another person feels they have the right to be negative about that e.g. that's disgusting or no try another flavour etc. Your boundary is being violated. As much as they are entitled to their favourite, you are just as entitled to yours. I know this example sounds trivial, but any aspect of your relationship with the person will be the same when I comes to boundaries. They don't want you to be you, they need you to be an extension of their own body and soul.

My personal guideline for empaths: (1) Know yourself (2) Be kind and loving to yourself (3) ...so you know when to say "NO!!!" (4) Good people respect your "no". (5) Be the parent to your younger self now that you didn't have. (6) Empaths are the most wonderful people in the world.

I hope things get better for you, dear lady. I know it's hard, but life can be joyful in spite of toxicity, AND even if that toxic person is your husband. I don't even bother arguing with my husband anymore. I chalk it up to a mental health issue (I'd never say that to him). I'm definitely more at peace. I've really come to appreciate the verse, "Cast your cares..." I picture a fisherman using his whole body to throw that net upon the waters. So, that's what I've been doing: "Here ya go, Lord! Catch this one." One day at a time. I wish you so much peace and happiness. ❤️🌹

I hear you. Prayers for strength. Remember, you are not alone.

That is me 100% . and walking away angers them too. They enjoy a fight. It's a no win situation except for the narcissist they always win. Thank you Dr. You nailed it 100%.

If it’s about winning I’d rather not even try I simply want to respond rightly and grow up as need be 🧐

Lol, I say give him the silent treatment. Watch him squirm. Than smile.

That last sentence says so much! Be free, Aaron!

Ah men 🙏🙏

Stay true to our selves being # 1 first and foremost forever ⭕️🙏🙏

Hindsight eh!

You can go get your divorce now no need to be married to her anymore, after 7 years apart it should be easy,go find a lady more suited to you.

Thanks, Kay...glad the videos resonate!

Getting worn out is pretty much what the narcissist wants. The weaker you are, the more the narcissist can control your misery. The answer to your question is that you are going to continue getting worn out. One day, when you leave the abuse, you will not get worn out anymore. In the meantime you must manage the situation as best you can, putting yourself first, your own mental health first, all of that what ever it takes, because if you are indeed with a narcissist, the situation will NOT -- I repeat not -- improve. it will continue, and it will leave you managing the situation, continuously getting worn out.

You described my supervisor. 😔

@@danielkaiser8971 thank you Daniel. It helps so much to hear it even though it’s bad news. I keep looking for a better way to manage it and it’s not easy

@@rachelm2041 sorry to hear that. Exhausting!!!

@@danielkaiser8971 aka burned out.

Fauxpologies are famouse

Yes you are right. My mom is getting nurses coming to her home although she doesn't need it it's a control thing and a pity me thing. Her new game is faking memory loss. Its basically Paying to have people come to visit and that is pathetic but that's where she's at. She can afford it so power to her but I wish I could tell the nurses the truth but either they already know or they won't believe me because she's been very convincing so I'm not going to bother. She loves to RAGE so they might get some of that or she gossips about how bad her kids and grandkids are and late husband was!!! She's dug her own hole. She just might be thrown in it.

Oh my! I can relate to the overly sorry for little things and no sorry for huge things! My mother does the same. It also makes you feel like you are a villain because it’s all kind of makes you feel that you are SO hard to be around that she has to apologise

It is a con. Narcissists will always say “I'm sorry” but they never actually mean it. They treat it like it's a great big eraser and rewrites history to eliminate all of their past atrocities as well as selfish behavior. I'll give you an example. A former friend of mine, I'll call her Molly, (a married mother of two and on her second marriage with her youngest’s father), had the nerve to call me up the day my father died to try to dump all of her petty drama on me. This was mere hours after he passed away from stage 4 lung cancer. Naturally, I was not in the mood to listen to her complain and moan about her money problems, her kids, the fights she had with her husband about her not keeping a job, her dissatisfaction with life in general or any combination thereof. Of course, when a patriarch member of a family dies, it's going to lead to a series of phone calls and communications from friends as well as relatives. The phone was ringing off the hook. I kid you not, Molly called a dozen times to complain about something so inconsequential or mundane. I had already told her not to call because of the death of my father. I was busy changing the voicemail message on my mom's phone when it rang again. It was Molly. I yelled at her and cussed her out asking her what she thought was so important to keep repeatedly bugging me on the day my father had passed away. She said and I quote: “well you two never got along anyway.” Aghast, I hung up and I gave her a taste of her favorite passive aggressive petty revenge: the silent treatment. After several days which turned into weeks of her writing me trying to apologize while slipping in justifications for her horrible behavior, I answered without looking to see who it was. It was Molly. She started out very conversational and then segued into asking for a favor. Typical behavior of her as she treated everyone around her like they were a transactional business card in her mental Rolodex of people who were obviously put on this Earth to serve her every waking need. The perpetually unemployed Molly needed money. I told her I didn't have it and even if I did I wouldn't give it to her. She was shocked. She persisted and when I repeated myself, she not so subtly suggested that I asked my widow mother to loan her the money that she got from my father's life insurance policy. I was stunned into silence. I cussed her out and told her not to call me up again asking something so despicable like that. Of course, she saw nothing wrong with what she said to me. I posted about it on social media but I didn't call her out by name. The horrified reactions of all of the people on my friends list was enough to shame her. She had the nerve to write me later on saying she “didn't appreciate being called out” like that. I told her to go diddle herself. This was the beginning of the end for us. I stopped letting her invade my life and when I went no-contact with her, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. A mutual friend, whom I was fortunate enough to wake him up to her toxicity, said that Molly threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed her toddler grandson when she discovered that I blocked her on everything and changed my cell phone number. Mind you, by this point Molly was about 52 years old. People like her need help but they will never admit it.

@@iononcantomascrivo yep that sounds a lot like my ex fake friend I'll call SHAMMY. I was Walmart, bank, Google, lawyer, therapist..you name it all rolled into one. All the while most of her other friends didn't even know I existed!! She lived right next door but never came to visit just to visit!!! That's not a real friend. And rarely answer a question when I was testing her the last few years . Evasion and lies or totally change the subject. Always after what she could get out of me. They think they are entitled to whatever they WANT OR NEED!!! THANK GOD It's finally OVER!! AND LIFE IS GOOD!! I never realized how stressful she was until I had total silence from her. Wow! Peace!!

Yep, I was so hopeful for so long that the ex and I could find more common ground---that there would be some simple heartfelt reciprocity, with no strings attached. It was just not happening. When I finally saw the light, I walked out. Relationships that are so one-sided don't work

So true and it's heartbreaking every time. I wish I could get away but it involves family members that that I cannot walk away from.

YoYo effect. I’m learning boundaries, grieved, not hoping in change, and moving beyond the YoYo which has made me sick!

@Rodleen McDuffie thank you and all the best to you too!

Went through the whole estate stuff with a crazy family. Barely came out of it with my sanity!

@@marieldavison5121 I have considered just walking away and letting them have my portion of my Dad’s house. My sanity is too valuable.

Gussy Team Healthy Ambassador 🙂❤🧡💙🐶

@@marieldavison5121 Yes, without a doubt!! : )

👍💯

Hi Joanna. Self care is so necessary!

Truth

Yep. Agree 100%.

I wish you all the healing in the world. The more you heal, the more intolerable it is to be around toxic behaviors and situations and people, and the better the people are for you in your life. I wish you the absolute best.

That's amazingly common. Ugh. Glad she's in your rearview mirror.

@@SurvivingNarcissism me to man I'm losing g weight because I'm not stressed to the max when she cheated it gave me the excuse I needed to escape and I've never been happier

Truth

Stay strong, Laura.

I wish you the very best of finding yourself, getting to know yourself, and treating yourself as the very best parent and child at the same time, as only you know how to do for just yourself, and for all the beautiful reminders that those who know you can tell you how they see you. Finding yourself means you get to decide who you are, to reject all falsehoods, and when you want someone's opinion of who you are, you will give it to them before they can say a word!

apparently you are the only one who is fully qualified to rejoice in all you have ever done for the other person, and you are entitled to take credit for all the good you have done. You have shown forthright all that you can, and your goodness is a statement on your behalf whether it was recognized by someone else or not. I don't even know you or all the good you have done, and yet I know you have done good. Their reaction, or absence of reaction, is purely a statement on their behalf, because it is what they chose to do. They would have done the same thing with anyone.

@@danielkaiser8971 Thank you for your kind attention.

Hearing from them is anxiety-provoking. I think it’s created a kind of PTSD in me (I’m sure I’ll get past it). After going gray rock, they’ve stopped reaching out (as much), but I still diligently check for messages because I expect to be a punching bag again when they need to unload. Ugh! My counselor told me to “block” them - so validating.

Great words, Iza!

Logic, understanding patterns, you will find narcissism is not sophisticated at all. In fact it is quite boring. It is quite predictable. Narcissism is nothing near as complex or as sophisticated as healthy behaviors that make life worth experiencing.

friday - stay strong ! you can do it - go for walks, watch videos- pray hard ! I will pray for you too !

Thank you 🙏 "Dr. Les Carter", God bless you.

I agree it's the latter because I also have a narc mother who never wanted me to outshine her in any way. She viewed me as competition instead of her daughter. Narc parents want you to do them proud so they can boast to others "how well a job they did raising you." However, in their jealous eyes it's a case of "don't be too successful" because they don't want your success stealing their shallow limelight or making them feel insecure. I've cut contact with my whole dysfunctional family and the only regret I have is not leaving sooner

Now that you know how to recognize past abuse, I wish your all future years the very best with no repeats of the past. 67 is an awesome age. At least, I think it is. I am only 52. I'll yield to your opinion. 😃

@@danielkaiser8971 Thank You

You'll get there. Keep learning.

@@SurvivingNarcissism I have been married 37 years and and just have barely realized in the past month why my relationship has been so difficult. I have been watching anything I can get my hands on and learning this is really rough. I'm dealing with a vulnerable narcissist who has recently been disabled so things have gotten a lot tougher and I'm just really needing help. So I appreciate all your videos.

@@proverbs3530 oh been there. Do you really have poor boundaries or does he not care to respect you and is abusive?

@@Raven.13 hmmmm, I'll have to give that some thought. I know I hate that I'm a people pleaser and I feel this has come back to hurt me. I have felt used and emotionally abused

"No...it was you."

... gaslighting and chaos on steroids.

When the one sibling died the other said, "Why couldn't it be you".😳😲 I stay away from this "person" for my own health and safety.

That's just cold blooded.

@@SurvivingNarcissism I know, right? And I am a very nice person but she uses that against me too.

If it makes you feel any better, I began learning this as an adult too.

Good that you and your husband can learn together. Not everyone has that privilege.

Their inability is their ability except taking any responsibility. But the take is on Instability.

You're on it, Kelly!

@R N This is a very good explanation. You hit the nail. Thank you!

@@roxymovie3938 Take care.

They have no integrity or genuine character.

My mom is blaming her nastiness on old age. She been psychologically abusive since I was seven. I have recently began having ZERO TOLERANCE with her gossip and triangulation. She hung up on me because I refused to gossip about her Favorite golden child. She won't apologize but wants me to spend time with her.

@@bingethinker4713 they are just the most pathetic excuses for human beings. Their ability to ignore decades of their own behaviour and to be 'offended' by one small act of defiance and boundary setting on our part blows your mind. I'm hearing you. I empathise over what you've endured your whole life, and I applaud you for acting in your own truth ❤️

@@bingethinker4713 they are just the most pathetic excuses for human beings. Their ability to ignore decades of their own behaviour and to be 'offended' by one small act of defiance and boundary setting on our part blows your mind. I'm hearing you. I empathise over what you've endured your whole life, and I applaud you for acting in your own truth ❤️

You are very welcome

Gussy is stealth like that!

Thank you, Pia. I wish the best for you!