Exactly, narcissists thrive on creating conflict & crazy making.. And as hard as it is, I went no contact with one grandiose narc. I love this person, but can’t be around him, since the disrespect, love bombing, then discarding me, etc… & efforts to control me got worse & worse. I should have put an end to the narc abuse years ago.

@@janetpattison8474 It is interesting that you love them. After being married to one for 20 lonely years, I have learned this sort of love is a real chore. As Dr Carter says, there is one supreme opinion in the house, there is little room for individuality. It is hard. Credits to you.

What I cannot understand is why all of the narcissists on any side expect all of the rest of us to get on board with them 'willingly' or else. Or else be constant interrupted during our day and while our lives are being intruded upon any time they want to do so while insisting that only us should be held accountable but never themselves with all of their authoritarian devices. Authoritarian devices including the instruments being used to perform so called only therapeutic abortions on some of their wives and daughters too who are being coerced into that 'choice'.

@@francesbernard2445 I don't know how abortions (of which I am no fan) got into this, but Dr Carter has mentioned this. Think of them as something of a 3 year old mind set stuck in an adult body. It occurred to me that some large %age of COVID deniers exhibited what was fundamentally a "you're not the boss of me!" attitude. Not saying they are all narcs (tho I'm sure some climbed into the role of flying monkey for a certain über-narc.) Their decisions are all emotional and existential. Let me just suggest you keep watching Dr Carter's videos. I'll also recommend Darren Magee.

I am just learning this now, involved with my sis every day since our brother died. Wow. I had no idea, and I wish I still had no idea.

Yet he calls me evil! He admits he believes in punishment, although I've told him it is superior and counter-productive and injures bonds. It is out-of-date thinking!

@@bonnies.d.1121 I feel that minor punishment can at times be healthy especially on disciplining kids but that doesnt change that some people are really sadistic.

Yep they are definitely evil I believe especially after being with my narcissistic husband for 37 yrs. A wolf in sheeps clothing!

@@mouradsaleh2477 Without understanding where you think punishment of a child could be healthy, I'll go ahead and say I think it always means that the adult 1) is not understanding what developmental need the child is engaged in and so is missing an opportunity and 2) is going for expedience, satisfaction of the adult's own interests rather than the good of the child. The exercise of "power over" is always going to create resentment and bad feelings which a child will have to bury, and that is not good for the child or for the relationship. Aletha Solter's books are brilliant on this subject. She's had a lot of experience and has fabulous anecdotes.

@@bonnies.d.1121 you seem more well read on this topic so hate off to you I Guess I just meant that sometimes a negativa reaction is in place for a negativa action. For instance some people need to directly feel the consequence of their action them to behave better I am like this. Sometimes you need to punch the bully in the dave, set strict Boundaries and at times be a bit hard to your kid. I am Aware that my culturak programming provval deeply effects my beliefs

Thank you for writing them down like this l am autistic and l have a hard time consentraiting on what the person is saying or what they mean by it .

I’ve never heard anyone lay this out so clearly this is my husband and his family they are rotten fake Christian’s

I was hoping for a comment like this thank you

Are there more games? I was thinking of some more… 8. Play the victim 9. Distort facts 10. Control the narrative 11. Rage 12. Comparison trap 13. Narasistic amnesia 14. Act like things never happened-toxic positivity.

@@aleciawimer8506 ah I see you have met my siblings family

Oh the look, the lip smack and sneer that tells you everything you need to know about them.

And if you do stay silent, "why aren't you saying anything?!"😄

They want you breathing.. but ONLY to bow and please them...beg and plead for a tiny scrap of human decency....build a shrine and statue of them....dedicate every second of your life to please them.....what they want is a robot or puppet....

Last time mine said I don't love him enough.. I looked him in the eye and said....I don't love you at all anymore and THAT is on you.. Then he says..." you need to pack your shit and leave " I LAUGHED and reminded him it's MY house....and if anyone leaves its him...I did offer to pack HIS shit... I got the blissful silent treatment for some days...PEACE and quiet.... I play music loud and sing and dance....shows him how irrelevant his punishment is in my life....

Great comment all true The silent treatment it's like pouting because you may have not agreed or possibly said no The pouting kills me

Just....EVIL...PERIOD...

It took me way too long to realize the happiness my pain brought to her. Over 2 years no contact now and I'm still confused on how the world works.

I always said he was "ping-ponging" my brain

Yes. Moving goalposts.

Exactly! It's a one-sided relationship. A relationship based on their needs and wants. You get nothing.

I'd be ok with that.

Spot on.

I was thinking the same thing. My sister had to leave the workforce in her late 20s. I think it was her know-it-all personality. It got back to our mom that co-workers referred to her as a "Itch". So she has spent the last 30 years doing art work in the basement of her house (paid for by her smart and reasonable but beta husband). But here is what is fascinating: At thanksgiving dinner she always did the same intro: "I have a Master from XYZ University" but women are not treated fairly in Architecture". That was 30 years after she got her degree. One of her favorite phrases is "The *right way* to do things is X"; she fails to recognize that there can be several solutions based on level of requirement, resources, skills, economics. Net/Net: a lot of her behavior is based on her insecurity.

Well ... these, people narcissists and dark triad, it's best remembered have a habitual timer mechanism where you're 'love bombed' or 'idealized' then they switch into the devaluation phase. Now there's a ratchet on the switch so that we cannot turn it back into the idealization phase, without breaking the knob off, so this is where the 'shut up' has to enter into Dr.Carter's 'second game'. If your friend shows this trait of devaluation, they then need to be discarded. As Dr. Carter says, just 'shut up' after that, don't try to fix the relationship because uh ... you're not in a relationship with that type of individual. Another thing is that the dark triad only have a set of negative assumptions about your behavior. You intend well but ... they don't see that in the devaluation phase, they put a negative value on your actions to make you the loser and they you know, appear to be the winner. These are not intended or designed to be maneuvers (manoeuvre UK & Canada) that you can ever be an equal. Also don't trust in God to make things okay for you in these relationships. Understand you're in a game with someone that wants you to lose and if you tell them what you want, you'll NEVER get it. Don't tell them or make it easy for them to identify what you want out of the time you're spending with them.

Yes! Toxic cousin W. has a 'best Friend" - pamperedCousin "A" and they alternate as Each other's Flying Monkeys (BOTH ARE WICKED, Evil!)

@Bird Dawg Yeah we know you've been studying it for a long time, but you plum deserved what you got, and probably will never realize just what an irritating little pest you were.

Agreed. Only took me half my life to figure it out though!

Yes exactly! I read somewhere that if you must engage, have a clear goal on your end going into it, say/do only enough to reach your objective (ie; making a plan to pick up kids on the weekend, etc)

Been there a million times with my narc. Thought that if I could make her see how her behavior affected other people she'd be willing to make a change before losing all the people who loved her. Futile effort! She made it clear that she liked who she was and that she would not listen to anybody - they might put something on her that didn't belong there. So what can you do? My suggestion, leave them alone. Nothing will open their eyes like the experiences they'll have to face when justice catches up to them....

Exactly. Any kind of engagement is all they want. In their world of winners and losers, you lost because you engaged and they can tell you how wrong you are.

I can't get away from my sister, I just talk neutral topics to her and she still finds ways to make me mad. She never gets the picture as she has no fucking boundaries and thinks the world revolves around her. Continues to try to give me advice about me when I never asked and its often BAD advice

Inflated or inflamed egos which narcissists have from moment to moment while the rest of us are trying to figure out what might get interpreted as being more rejection next when no rejection of them was intended? Something that we healthy people are in the worst cases encountered are never going to figure out well enough to live out our full potential length of years possible if continuing to live in the same country as they live in. And if it is a flaming determined to be on their one way street headed into the depths of hell while they cannot see it coming at all after duping enough people to moving out of the nation they live in is no guarantee that for example you might get poisoned by one of their flying monkey types under the same delusion that some day they might get to be that kind of emperor wearing no clothes some day next too.

I thought I had found my soulmate in my husband but it was a mask for a monster

Always knowing something seems off and yet not being able to find the pattern until a forced quarantine. I can’t unsee a lot of things now..about people around me and myself. It’s a lot to process and I am so grateful for the doctors like Dr. C who help me see what has been happening within these dynamics for the first time.

I agree, it’s helpful to watch the videos & understand what’s going on.

Help me unpack this, its so simple , yea i tell myself, i liked was normal, im talking just regular caring, having a sister, like this , for some reason she would always talk to her family, with animosity, resentment, always some kind of meanness, one time my dad was in the rehab hospital, my dad had started living in her town,i dont know either with her or, in the old folks home, always to much mishaps its a little hard to remember, but one day, they put dad in rehab to get his strength back, there was nothing wrong with him, with his health, they just needed to strength ed his body, cause before, that him and mom were at my house, yea my mom and dad went to her town, but the way it went down, cause when you put a parent in rehab, they get the caretaker my big sister, to sign paper work incase,something happens ,the paper work was for, hey incase your dad gets in trouble with his heart, do you need the Doctors to work on him, incase the heart stops, they would have it for everyone, cause i would do the same thing when dad lived with me, it came natural to me, i promise you, dad was not on his death bed, they would just put old folks in rehab to get them better, i said hey sister, did they make you sign paper work, for dad she said yea, i said how did you sign it, she said i sign no, that means if his heart stop, the Doctor was allowed to do, CPR, she sign no ,like i said dad was not on the verge of death period, i ask her ,why she did that, simple CPR, she says cause he smokes cigarettes, i said thats the reason to sign the paper yes, incase his heart got bad, he was just weak not dying, man i was upset, on and on with her nonsense, i never said nothing, i just hope and pray he would be alright he only stayed 2 weeks, your not supposed to sign his death warrant, especially if he is not that bad off, just there to get his strength back, anyhow i would put up ,with her nonsense just to what keep the peace, yea i never cuss her put her down or nothing, always was a fair loving sister, years later, the stupid nonsense, went on and on, this time it was my heart she was tearing in to peices, so i blew up, man i scolded her like a dog , keep in mind i never really told her any cruel words, and when i did ,i lost it, my words my text to her, me taking drugs couldnt stop, thinking about her nonsense she did towards her family, man Doctor, i lost control, my cussing my madness, yea these people can be way out there with madness, so i form madness in my heart, tears nonstop, hec Doctor her husband for 12 years, he hung himself in the garage, Doctor she was always out of control, to me it was her actions that killed him, his depression took him, and what did she do, made it worse he loved her, but she never loved him, her cold heart like almost made it impossible for real caring, yea she would tell him give her sex if not he will pay ,he was a good person, yea she killed him,it was like no honor for him no love , just her always saying im going to do what i want, now listen, im fed up with her control her madness, so i flipped out finally, her dead husband had been dead for a while already, Doctor i watch this cramp 4 ever, never went off on her, sometimes what was the use anyway, in her mind she will do what she wants, yea i seen her do bad ,sex is her drug, ask the lord to help you sister, man Doctor i watch every character on this mental person, yea Doctor, these people can pull some whoppers, cause of no empathy, i experience the whole 9 yards, and than me something im not supposed to be cable of ,i turn on her, i hated your cramp, i dealt with it 4 ever, i tell ya Doctor its bad watching someone like this ,and always wondering why why, i heard that word narcissist on that murder show ,cause they would say, the murder was, a narcissist, but the person on the TV, described the character, i said o my god, that, character thing fits my sister to a Teague, 0 yea Doctor people are troubled, im troubled in ways, but im not like that, i was the sister that was the rock of the family, that character stuff is sick ,your ways or sick, im sick cause of the damage, yea i was a victim of her abuse, yea ,have someone in your life that thinks this way, yea it screwed up my mind, i got my own mistakes, but im adult, i watch her do this do that a lost child i was watching, it tore me up Doctor you be against my sister, i didn't want to look at her, her lies, her ways, a person can inly take so much, later Doctor Carter thanks

Yep

Hurts like hell, doesn’t it? I felt instant relief when I got rid of all the toxic people in my life, mostly female, friends, and family members. It was like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but I was left with the grief of getting over the betrayal.

Yea. Their terms.

This is why I don't bother with my narc dad!

Lol me too!

finding a patch of ground to pull weeds out of the ground by hand is akin to pulling people's heads off and taking the spine with it!! I may have said that before! but its a proven therapy LOL

Hell yeah!! Me too! Peace

@@skinnyway I actually feel guilt pulling weeds. I feel they have as much right to live as I do. They are also important for all sorts of pollinators. I do pull weeds but only certain ones. I have some massive and old dandelions. I'm fond of, "What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know your story😍feelt i read about me..oh..i feel for you..i just desided to stay away..and get strong mental health😍..

I understand 😊

I believe Flaming Robin, that you can heal by yourself. Therapy often helps but you have to make sure that you have a therapist who doesn’t understand narcissism. It’s only just recently being talked about so much. That information is readily available. I did my healing by reading a lot of books on narcissism and on grief, because grief is what you end up with when you realize you lost yourself along the way a long time ago. Those books, and things that I read online, helped me. I got rid of so many people in my life, at the age of 70 I now have no friends and the reading I did showed me that this is what happens to many people when you get rid of toxic people - you find yourself alone and embittered and feeling as if you’ve been destroyed. But immersing myself in books, and what they had to teach, helped me see that what I felt and experienced was real . I am a social person and would like to be with other people, but I have accepted that for the moment or for the near future, or perhaps forever, it will be me and my two cats. I do go out and do things and I get my companionship just by being around strangers.

My dad said everything is black/white, on/off, good/bad. I said what about a traffic light? He got so mad he almost dropped his baggie of cocaine!

@@dakoderii4221 😆

I try to explain that the narcissist in my life will argue the color of the sky.

😂😂😂🤣I know right

Peace.

Oh, how I can relate! My older narcissistic sister is quite an actress.... crocodile tears, etc. She could give Katharine Hepburn a run for her money. And some people still buy into it.

Yeah and a lot of them in my experience don't even bother with the 'playing the victim' stage and just go straight to abusing you and making you feel like you somehow are getting what you deserve, because .... 'reasons'.

Poor performance acting. If you look 20 years later at them they still perform the same old fuss.

Irony is our daughter became an actress. She is her father's daughter...but worse because she was not just "trained" in drama by her Dad...but NYC sure made her into something else. I can't even talk to her at all anymore. Gaslighting is surreal like nothing else; I am such a problem to her...& she says I'm the only one in the world she has issues with.

Oh yeah! Lol...so pathetic it's funny!

Exactly....they demand I do things that they should know are impossible, and make up rules for me to obey that are illegal, and put on their Arrogant voice, and make arrogant decisions for themselves. All the Red Flags. They are too ignorant to know Duality in life....you pretend Above others is self sabotaging themselves (unless they manage to Scapegoat you and hand their evil side to you to deal with) Acting Arrogant is trying to be a Gold Shiney side of a coin....the other side is rusty and degraded evil side. They are Evil, hiding their evil and that is ALL THEY HAVE TO GIVE. The Head Narc/Sociopath would say "I'm a positive person"...lol. Right after telling a boat load of lies... lol. The Best thing to do with them, is walk away....don't play the games, and know that is all they have....Games. And get over the nonsense they stick on your life....and then LAUGH AT THEM. Laughing at their nonsense is healing.

Yes! In their head…they are the ‘king/queen’ of their imaginary kingdom, and everyone else is there to serve them and conform to their every whim/demand. And when you have had as much as you can possibly endure at the hands of a narcissist, and decide to leave…they DO threaten…and will use whatever scare tactics they can dream up, in attempt to keep you quivering in your cage. In divorce, the narcissist will find the most unscrupulous lawyer possible, to act as their heavy-handed, high-paid, flying monkey…in attempt to intimate you into settling for the pittance the narcissist is WILLING to give you, which will never be even close to the amount you are actually entitled to. And those nasty lawyers are the ones who will push the opposition to the very edge of a court room doorway, pretending to have a solid case, but…will back out in the 11th hour, wanting to ‘settle out of court’ - because those lawyers NEVER want a judge to discover the slimy games they are willing to torment the opposition with, in exchange for fistfuls of cash from their vengeful clients. After all, ‘Abuse by Proxy’ (of the legal system) is illegal, and would very likely end with that unscrupulous lawyer’s licence being revoked. Those kinds of lawyers are well aware of how far they can push the law…to accommodate their bank accounts, while entertaining their nasty and vengeful client’s requests. A vengeful narcissist is the unscrupulous lawyers most favourite, easily manipulated, easily provoked, suggestible (for game playing), malice driven…fee-inducing fool that can possible saunter through their fee-driven Law Office’s doorway.

How come you got bold font?

Turn everyone against you game - no fun in that 💯

@David Skreiner *thankyou*

Such a kind compliment. Thank you.

@@SurvivingNarcissism you’re very welcome Dr C😄

That’s funny but it’s not really fun because I get it. I feel trapped and reeling from this Horror show of lies

@@laurieannJake Sounds like its time to LEAVE and make your life safe and peaceful.

Same here. Glad you are doing ok. Being the "dutiful daughter"....yep, yep. They are just awful people.

Be you!

Omg is she related to mil? That's exactly how she is with me serious

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 I wonder how you are navigating this type of MIL? Having been raised by a narcissist and having a malignant narcissistic sibling gave me little understanding of healthy adult boundaries. My MIL (thank G-d she's finally gone) almost destroyed my marriage. If I knew then, what I know now, either I'd have divorced, or my mate would have changed

@@itm4173 I don't talk to her at all I don't visit she's an hour away thank God and I don't have them over

Hi Honor. Yes, this resonates. The narcissist cannot share the spotlight. I hate to be pessimistic, but it is unlikely that any explanation on your part will get through to her. Time to move on. Thanks for posting this.

It's true after more than 15 years of narcissistic abuse, when I finally cut him off, I would never of dreamed that I could ever feel happy, loved, strong etc etc , it took me 5 years ( since no contact)I did the work & yes unbelievably my life is not perfect but everyday I smile & have reasons to be grateful & happy. Long short you can with effort stop viewing yourself as a victim & end up as strong survivor. Top tip all negative thoughts about yourself that repeat in your head are a lie, put there by very ininformed nasty fools. if you can just spot them ( the thoughts) & add that's a lie to the end of it, slowly you stop repeating them.

@@SurvivingNarcissism Believe me I have absolutely no interest ( or energy!) to explaining anything to my narc because we all know it would land on deaf ears/ego! 😆

My son in law uses religion. He wants me out of my daughters life. I am 82 & It’s so hard. I think he told her not to come to my home. She sees me when he’s not around, & that’s seldom. He will not let me go to her home Bible study. He is now turning my grand children against me. He knows I know who he is. 🙏🐒

Mine is "I can't have any of my friends over to the house because you've alienated them all." What that means is that I have been assertive in the presence of his friends. I have taken up for myself when he has acted in an asinine, inconsiderate way. In short, I've called him on his B. S. in front of his friends. That's me being me and taking up for myself. That's not cool because I have a "sharp tongue." - translate - I stand up for myself. I essence, he did not feel comfortable having his friends over to our house because he cannot act like an arrogant ass, "put me in my place" and get away with it. Well I'm gone now, living my peaceful best life. So I guess he can have all of his buddies over to the house. Thing is: there's no on left there to ridicule.

@@natalievitrano8251 sincere congratulations for moving on.

How did you get out?

Sometimes that kind of narcissist after duping enough people to ends up forcing more and more people into doing their dirty work right up until taking their last breath during a temper tantrum taking of their own lives when finally realizing that they are not going to be getting their way quite as they had envisioned on their way 'up' while being wise through their own eyes.

I hope you can find another support person and get out of his place. He cannot just toss you into the street, and police will do him no good at all. He must evict you to force you out, but you don't want to stay anyway. Please find another place to go until you can make permanent arrangements. Are you sure you cannot return to your prior living situation safely? Best luck to you.

Make a report to the police. If you can get out,

Totally! 👍 But finding the answer turns on the light bulb and a path to heal.

Melanie Strancner,You deserve better

Then after all that they do to insult/control you then turn around and say “I’m going to get me some tonight🤮I can’t stand the thought of it.

Try living on Salt Spring Island! ;)

Kill the chicken to scare the monkey (traditional Chinese: 殺雞儆猴; simplified Chinese: 杀鸡儆猴; pinyin: Shājījǐnghóu; Wade-Giles: Sha-chi-ching-hou, lit. kill chicken scare monkey) is an old Chinese idiom. It refers to making an example out of someone in order to threaten others. Yeah but you know the 'passive aggressive' behavior is a red flag for covert narcissism or to give its other name: psychopathy. Other forms of this personality's 'killing' (as in a murderess), include blocking on KZfaq or social media. Banishment from buildings that they frequent. Understand, you're not dead but you're not in their company anymore. Another form is that with a sister for example, you as a person are excluded from their talk, they're talking about somebody they discarded but you too are excluded from any talk, when you perceive that their letters to you are all about them, with no interest in you, it's a red flag and take care that you cannot fix this type of person. This is a game that you're a loser in. So if you don't want to be seen as a loser by their friends, you know too bad, because they'll be casting you in their role as a loser you know. Not everybody values us in a way to want the best for us.

Great saying, and true, “kill the chicken to scare the monkey!” I moved near family. Wow, what an unbelievable, HUGE nightmare & mistake. I had no idea what I was in for.

​@Janet Pattison me too. BIG mistake we've got to correct. I'm making plans now. Bon chance!

Comments like that are the pinnacle of disrespect and dehumanizing someone.

Wow…..that’s harsh. I’m glad you knew what she was up to. Narcissists are some of the most miserable people I know. It takes a lot of energy to be that insecure and hateful.

I hate being ignored I feel for you I go through that with mil . It's like a constant eye roll and huff turn of the head whenever I speak

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 thank you, I am sorry for you as well.

@@graveyardghost2603 if you are able limit time with her not go out of your way and don't text her or call her. My gram died in feb and mil didn't even text me for a sorry for loss . I quit talking to her all together for many other reasons. It's too long to type

I wish my sisters would wake up.

You are so lucky - I have tried with every family member - and it failed

@@MJ-qb5ph your not alone mate. I have the same issue.

@@MJ-qb5ph me too mate. Me too.

Woof!

Exhausting energy vampires, you grow up with siblings and you are stuck in your role (in their eyes.) Toxic siblings never give you any adult autonomy. And I have never thought that there could be so many toxic sibling stories, thought I was alone.

Susan you are so right!! No going back, I had to call the cops to convince this fool that I had had enough. Sleep with my 38 now.... I sleep well.

@@cynthiafortier2540 Gosh, I am sorry it had to come down to having to keep a gun at your side. Sad what we had to go through to learn the reality of narcissism. But we won't be duped again by anyone. Heartbreaking there are so many in our club. God bless and may the angels watch over you and protect you always.

@@susanbarnyak7393 Awwww, thankyou Susan. Huge learning lesson. Not everyone thinks like me and wants the best for people. Love myself enough not to be someone's punching bag. Boundaries, had to learn it's ok to say no. And self protection, self love, and healed my childhood trauma. What a journey. Yes Susan, we are not alone, although it felt that way once. You sound so strong too, I am happy for your healing, take care dear one!!

@@cynthiafortier2540 We are living in crazy times. We all seem to be waking up and having similar stories about learning a life lesson about these narcs, healing our childhood wounds and having happy, loving lives and relationships. God is separating the wheat from the tares. Stay strong sister and glad your journey is a success too.😁😁😁

Pleased!

Yep I agree they are good actors

HR is worthless. I experienced the same thing at my last job. I quit because they let her get away with EVERYTHING. After I left I guess, the other coworkers banded together and management eventually fired her. I don't know the whole story and I don't care.

@@cathyp6788 That's what has just happened to me. Even the Union have let me down. They've put everything down to a matter of opinion and perspective because the bully and her flying monkey lied. But HR don't see lies, they believe everything anyone says, so all the bully has to ever do is lie and get one other person to lie for them and bullying will never be found to have been happening.

What mistakes they dont make mistakes they are perfect. Hm..

How?

You said it very well. I think for myself and maybe others the reason it takes so long to realize what's going on is we think this is normal and then come to a realization that it is not normal.

Just like my life 😌

Thanks, Lien!

What you're describing only says something about you. Not the person you're referring to.... just saying. You're using a one off instance that anybody could have and applying it to an actual disorder which isnt responsible at all.

Sounds like mil they are work qholics and only want information to use against you later

Everything is one sided, add manipulation, gas lighting, if you share they are pulling a180 on you. Invite to share but 180 you, they also address the empathy thing, they have empathy for anything except what you have to say ! Pretty pernicious, side note (that’s not how empathy works of course). Take care.

@@RN-gx7wt 💯 exactly

Yes, it's like we are being talked at, and not talked to. So happy to be free of my family of origin. I did not realize they were making me sick!! Two years sober, no need to numb anymore!!

Another response is, "Oh, here we go again". It's pointless to try and discuss anything with them because in their minds they know it all and they won't listen to you. The trick is to know it's them, and that it's not you who is the problem. The more you learn, the less you engage in their nonsense. I wish you the best, and remember, it's not you, it's them who are stuck in an alternative universe. :)

Rude little porker narcs are.🐷

@@shelley7975 I agree and since watching this channel i have learnt so much about narcissism. I didnt sign up for this kind of treatment and its taken me years to realise im not the problem...he is, and will never change.

@@Lou-Owen Dr. C is awesome. Lisa Romano is the one that started me down this path. She has a really great channel that helped me connect the dots with my childhood and parental influence. It's been a long road, but it's been very rewarding. Keep moving forward, and your world will change for the better. :)

@@shelley7975 Thank you 🧡 . I cant believe that i have been "drip fed" abuse by the narcissist over 23 years! No one would believe me if i told them. Everyone thinks hes such a lovely kind and generous person. I walk on eggshells every day having to assess his mood to see what kind of day im in for! Everything on his terms. He never follows through with promises. He wont deal with important matters for me. Always dangling the carrot. With other people he is agreeable and generous with his time. Whilst im kept in a state of confusion, anxiety and emotional pain. His own Mother told me years ago when we were first dating " stand up for yourself with him dont let him walk all over you" i never understood what she meant at the time because i saw a loving kind man ( love bombing) who i thought was my soul mate ! These people are parasites.

Very pleased...thank you.

Thanks for this update, Melanie. You can't put a price tag on peace of mind. I wish you well.

He probably can't even spell it.

@@sh6460 i appreciate that. Sorry for the time lost. I am scared. Has me feeling depressed and helpless. I already had a low network of support as far ad family goes. My mother is also a narcissist and my dad and brothers are there to support anything she says. Kinda scary. She seems to have a pronlem with women in particular. After i distanced myself from the 'scapegoat' role, guess my SIL became a scapegoat and she left my brother eventually. My support system is small. I know plenty of people, but like i said the abuse in the marriage has taken a toll + i left my HS friends behind..we moved around so much that there's not many. The ones i kept in touch with were from a poor crowd and unfortunately there is this feeling they are envious i guess.. Maybe they are into their own lives only or have it worse.

@@sh6460 thank you very much. God Bless ❤

I'm 4 months free (15 years) and wish I'd found the courage earlier! I made excuses for him all day long... Now I put myself and my kids first and we're SO much happier.. They won't take responsibility for the small stuff, they're never going to admit they have a personality disorder and be vulnerable with a therapist to change. Keep getting stronger and plan to leave, it's the only way you'll find happiness in this life.

@@louiseelizabeth9613 that's a good way to put it. Doesn't admit smaller, yet terrible things.

@@nmc1859 I hope you find a safe way out. If it helps, I was planning to leave, but my narc realised he couldn't control me anymore, exploded and left - I'm disabled, penniless, with 3 children (2 are ND and other has MH difficulties), 3 dogs (including one elderly and incontinent!) And 2 cats! Still figuring things out, but the kids and I are SO much happier. It is worth the struggle. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to leave. I have no family and only a couple friends locally I met recently, so it's lonely, but so much better than being terrified every minute of every day, miserable and unhappy