When you give birth to a child and the child develops severe disabilities - you talked about rolling with the punches. That's because you roll with the punches as the punches come - 1 at a time (even if it sits you back on your heels or knocks you out for a few minutes). When you take on a child with a few years of trauma under the belt along with the disability - you've got 3-4-5- 10 years of trauma/developmental punches coming at one in one fell swoop.

We have a disabled biological child and have had to “roll with the punches” as you say. Even when it’s” your own” child it’s extremmmmmy trying. But, we know we can handle more children with similar disabilities. That being said I know there are other things that would be things I am not willing to try and handle.

I have so much respect for parents of special needs kids! I can only imagine how flexible you need to be in that type of situation. It’s cool that your experience has helped you know what you can’t and CAN handle! 😊

It definitely can be! I’m glad the video was helpful 😊

I’m sorry to hear that! It can be really overwhelming. That’s exactly why I offer adoption consultations because I have been able to connect families with resources that make it easier for them to adopt. What were the hardest parts for you? I could make some videos to hopefully cover some of those topics!

@@adoptinformed I think the hardest part is the home study. Medical physicals...not sure if "obesity" has been a deal breaker for some[but this makes me want to hit the peloton more before starting the process]. It's probably more intrusive than anything that I have dealt with, shy of the NSA. lol We have a special needs child and wanted to adopt a little boy slightly younger than him. so there are things we do in our home that may seem unconventional but are for the safety of our bio child that likes to elope. Just seems like a lot of pressure; understandably so, but I can see how this may seem very daunting to many people. Maybe you covered this already bt do you cover just wanting to do foster care adoption? Can agencies "hold" a child? Saw a child and just felt an instant connection but was wondering how case wrokers factor if there is a family that super interested in a child.

It’s not impossible, but it is somewhat rare. Agencies don’t want to get your hopes up that it would happen and then have you be upset it’s taking so long. I would ask if they would be willing to work with you if you were okay with waiting until you found the right match. You could possibly do respite care in the meantime (helping watch foster kids for a short period of time).

I also live in florida. And I have a home study too through my county and currently looking at children to adopt for about a year. I think the biggest flaws is this social workers don't work together. Each county is on their own. There is no support after you get your homestudy. I haven't heard from the social worker who supposed to assist me to find a child to adopt. Even when I messaged her I never got a response. The only person who ever responded is the social worker who worked on my homestudy but she couldn't help me due to her role in the agency. They never update their website, if they do, it's not often. They make it extremely hard to contact too. And they will say you're being considered for a the child you inquire then ghost you. I was 'considered' as a potential family for three kids. They finally informed me after 7 months that I am no longer being considered and that's only after I've been e.ailing them to get a response. They are overloaded with cases. This is why I'm very collected when I speak to them because even when I'm mad I try to understand them but you do run into social workers that lost their pride in their work because they have so much cases at once and can't help you let alone the actual children. Adopting toddlers are rare. One thing my social workers told me from the beginning is do foster to adopt if you want a child under 8. I said no because that isn't the goal of foster care. I made that clear. Agency pushes teenagers and children with severe disabilities if your home study states you have experience. I own my business in the medical field and specialize in care for severely disabled children. They used that against me and tried very hard to corner me by showing me children who were severely disabled even though I said no due to my work and knowing exactly that I couldn't handle that 24/7 for the rest of my life because it is a life long comittment. I feel very... disappointed in the system. I try not to. And sometimes I do debate whether I want to continue not because of the children but because they make it harder than it needs to be. I am able to have bio children, but after my son we always said we wanted to adopt but we never wanted a baby. We want from age of 4 to 10 max. And we lean more towards 10year olds. We are no considering out of state adoptions due to our experience. Sorry for the long reply. I wanted to give you my first hand experience and I hope it helps anyone understand that adopting through foster care is definitely not a walk in the park.

Straight adopt…yes. Foster toddlers and one happens to turn into an adoption…yes! So I’m not in Florida, but I’ve been a licensed foster parent in Idaho and Colorado. In Idaho I was asked if I would be interested in adopting a 1 year old and 2 year old. Both has mild to moderate special needs and TPR was scheduled because they had been in care for over a year. Due to my life circumstances, I said no. In Colorado I am now being asked if I want to adopt my 4 year old foster son. He has fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and was originally a short-term placement. So much depends on chance. A referral was just sent out for anyone in my area able/willing to take 5 kids under 5. There is such need for older children, special needs children and sibling groups.

Currently in process. Would love someone with more experience to give advice

I would love to do that! I will just have to think of someone who fits that description, because I don’t know many people in my personal life who have done that.

I completely understand! No need for guilt :)

We had to do the same.

We said no to a couple of potential matches as well. It is so hard to say no sometimes, but I knew we weren't the right parents for them.

Different states have different lists, but here is the link to the Ohio one we used! :) I think it's so smart to fill it out separately so that you can see where the other person truly stands without influence! www.sojournerscare.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Child-Characteristics-Checklist-for-Foster-Care-and-Adoption.pdf

@@adoptinformed thank you so much! I've been watching your videos and they have been incredibly helpful.

Yes!!! I completely agree. Thanks for sharing your experience!

I will include this in my Q&A next week! I also have a video from pretty recently about attachment with adopted kids which might help :)

@@adoptinformed Thank you for this. I will be looking forward to it! 😌

Absolutely! I couldn't agree more.

I would definitely read "The Connected Child!" Also, I recommend the book "Telling the Truth to your Adopted or Foster Children." Others I have heard are good but have not read yet are "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Primal Wound."

Wow, I’m so sorry :( that is so difficult! I can’t imagine the stress of that situation with your 19 year old.

😂😂😂 I love it! I actually filmed tomorrows video in a different room to switch it up lol!

If they were the victim of domestic violence they should be okay, but if they were the perpetrator they should not be allowed to adopt.

Thanks for the clarification! I just based the wording off of what was on the form we originally had to fill out. It’s helpful to know better ways to say it!

@@adoptinformed I apologize if that sounded snippy, not been the greatest few days and yeah. But the terminology of “high functioning” vs “low functioning”, and “severe” vs “mild” originated in N@zi Germany to determine which kids should be g@ssed and which they could prophet off of. Basically gaging your worth as a human being/member of society and whether you deserved to live or not, which is why those labels specifically aren’t the best. It’s still not perfect by any means, but the best terminology I’m aware of is high/low masking, because it acknowledges the struggles faced across the spectrum, whether they’re good at hiding them or not. I’m tired so hopefully that’s comprehensible. (also I’m sorry for the censored words, KZfaq got mad)

@@reclusiveopossum3493 no problem at all! I appreciate the feedback. That was actually one of those terms I always felt weird about saying anyway (because something about it just didn’t feel right) so it’s nice to have an alternative.

Sorry, I do not have a synopsis. Maybe you should look for a blog to read instead? Or put the video on 2x speed? 😅

Were they still in touch with the bio family? During the adoption process

@@Lovewins79 yes. They wer 3& 4 years old at the time. We had a closed adoption. They both had contact with their natural mom after they were 18 by their own choice

What are some helpful things to tell a person adopting a family member child what would you change

Well if I was an adopted child and my adoptive parents were going around saying that bringing me into their home was a mistake I would be very hurt and it sounds like you don't even love them anymore. How cruel.

@@nataliekubus1041 they were cruel to us for several years. If we did not care we would not have spent well over $30k for therapy, residential treatment for one of them. We do love them. It’s just they refuse to stop fighting with us, & were so verbally & physically abusive towards us. My wife nearly lost her vision in on eye because he blew up at her about not having his phone for a couple of days. We have to love them from a distance at this time. Not everyone has the same situation when adopting children. This was the first time that I expressed my sadness online. I guess this wasn’t something I should have done by sharing our immense difficult situation here on this video. Maybe this is why people dealing with similar situations as us feel isolated & outcasted from everyone. We’ve had too many friends leave us because of the amount of times the police have come to our home on account of our rebellious young adult’s behavior. Too many people were gossiping about our family during that time, and were blaming us for their personal choices that we tried for several years to teach them a better way than they were choosing, but they decided to completely ignore anyone’s advice, including their councilors & therapists advice. Some of these councilors decided to not come by anymore because of how they were treated by our kids. They were diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, borderline personality disorder, & bipolar disorder. This wasn’t something we taught them to be. If residential treatment centers, proctor care, or any therapists couldn’t help them, then be my guest if anyone has the resources to help people with similar issues as our adopted youth!People won’t change until they hit rock bottom & want to change by their own choice.