This is where I am at a 60 yo. I got diagnosed with 'Autism with no intellectual disability' 4 years ago. With several physical medical issues it put me on the Disability Pension which was effectively early retirement. I had been put on antidepressants for 10 years plus. The thing is I wish I was diagnosed with ASD in my late teens/early 20s because I'd've been more confidant to get rid of toxic people, not people please and try and fix relationships, and get out of toxic workplaces much earlier. And do it without guilt. I have started to do this in the past 4 years and it is refreshing. I have moved to a town and live next door to a National Park. I've told my sister and mother it's best we never talk again after they continually trampled boundaries I'd set...... Surprise! Surprise! Remove a bad environment and you do not need anti-depressants

Hi Paul. I really enjoy your channel. Thank you for doing it. As I know it isn't easy. I am a 56-year-old male who is self-diagnosed with high functioning autism. I have an overwhelming amount of evidence and now it looks as though I may have passed this on to my son who is 18 years old. He exhibits all the classic behaviors such as lack of friends, obsession with certain activities, sensory issues with textures, foods and fabrics and he rattles off facts and figures constantly that no one cares about. If this is an ASD, I don't know what it is but no one, including those closest to me. Believe me. It's so frustrating that I'm going to find an adult testing center for myself so that I can prove that I have it. This way I may be able to talk to my son. But without that piece of paper saying that I have it. Absolutely no one will listen to me. It's very frustrating and I appreciate having you as a resource. Thanks again!

I can relate to the part about friends or family not having my best interests, Difficult to face

hi Paul so good to see you back !!! thank you for covering this topic so well.

Hi Paul, Part of my ASD makes me a complete time freak, I would rather be 2 hours early than 2 minutes late, I think that the reason for this is that it gives me time to settle in to whatever the given situation maybe, I think that if I did not do this I would have a lot of overwhelming sensory issues, I know I get on my work colleagues nerves as if they want a lift to work, they know that they are going to be there 40 minutes early to start their shift. I have tried to explain to them the reason that I’m like this, and I think that they kind of get it. I also annoy them by talking about my Casio watch collection, but I guess that this goes hand in hand with my version of Autism, it’s great to see you making a new video, and as always they are very much appreciated.

I think the most important thing about youtube videos is resonating with them. And it's very useful to resonate with the things that you are getting wrong in your life. We don't need to hear so much the typical top 10 traits of austism, or what masking or shutdowns are. We just (or at least I just) want to feel a connection with someone who is getting the same things wrong as me, or along similar lines that I can resonate with. In regards to your opening quote, I feel if anything, more alone in a room with a thousand people.

Thank you for your perspective! I definitely relate to needing to feel my feelings rather than taking meds for the depression.

thank you for your videos, Paul. they've helped me a lot in the past months since discovering my autism

20 yrs ago i started taking psychiatric medications. Only now in my early 40s am I free of pharmaceuticals, and I can FINALLY start my life. What you said - these meds all "block" something, feels exactly right - they try to "fix" you through subtraction of mental traits alone. Maybe that works for some, but many of us need to do the slow and painful work of figuring out how our neurodivergent brains work - mostly alone - in some cases when we're way too f-ing old :)

Autism strengths and positives.

Hello Paul. I am 26 Male, USMC veteran and recently diagnosed with autism due to your videos. I have struggled so much through life and felt like such a burden to everyone around me, and now I finally know why. I still feel pretty shite but have a reason for it now, which makes life somewhat tolerable. Lol Thank you very much for that, and “crack on” as you folks say across the pond.

Thank you for your amazing videos - learning so much!

Hi Paul, thanks for this video! It hit me hard, in a good way. To me personally it is the best I’ve seen from you. I am a 53 year old Belgian woman who was recently diagnosed with autism. It felt like a relief: I am not crazy, I’m just differently wired. The pieces of the puzzle finally fell into their places. Anyway, I love your channel. You speak wise words and you are a wise, honest and good man. Really appreciate you doing this work! Very grateful 🙏🏻❤

I feel like I've had a personal chat with you and enjoyed every second. The stuff about toxic people is just 100 percent true. Thank you.

Adult Autism and Rage. What's the connection, how to deal with it, what's the feelings - how can carers (myself) help? Also, big up Graham 🙌🏻 Sounds like a great individual.

Thanks for nuggets of experience. So true 😊

Thanks Paul. I'm not a fan of medication either for very similar reasons.

Thanks Paul, its great to see a new video from you again.

Hi Paul, thank you very much for your channel & videos, especially this one ...so glad you have a dog-companion, & that you have booked a holiday together, knowing what you like & need. I love deserted beaches/outdoor places in winter too, fresh & peaceful, & I miss beloved dog a lot. I was diagnosed asd & adhd & cptsd, aged 48 (6years ago). I've never taken medication, instinctive but also some experience of others incl my mother being 'numbed' / "zombified" as you describe, so I'm grateful for your affirmation of that. Also as a still-trying-to-recover- people-pleaser I really appreciate hearing your experiences & your three points of get rid of toxic people, leave toxic environments, & don't care about things one can't control. I enjoy your calm presentation & steady voice. Glad to read the comments here too: Autistics do seem to be generally more sensitive & honest than average. I agree, I also find it insane that anyone cares about the colour of another person's skin.. absolutely being a decent person is what matters. Best wishes from West Sussex, Judith

Relationships with other autistic people and the hardships. My marriage and past has been quite the challenge

Four years ago I was diagnosed as mildly autistic, high functioning etc. Prior to that I was on antidepressants; SSRIs. Autistic burnout, and crushing anxiety causing depression. This one was all from work; I was working with a Linux orchestration system that, well, felt like juggling hand grenades with the pin half out. So I was crapping myself trying to keep this horror on the road, and frankly the sane option was to walk away and find another job either in the same organisation or elsewhere. Things changed, systems changed, managers changed and the anxiety went away. The key to understanding the neurotypical humans is actually fairly simple: they're hardwired to try to work out where they are in the local social hierarchy. Humans only have brain space to truly know about 150 other humans in a group, but there are (apart from some very unusual and enlightened groups) more humans than that in the average person's social circle. Basically, the average neurotypical is buggered by hardwired instinct. They HAVE to work out where they stand socially, but they have too many other people to keep track of. So, they turn to proxies of status. Cars, for instance. A car is a box with a wheel at each corner that gets you to places. A box is a box is a box. Some have slightly different attributes like cheaper to run, do special stuff and so on but mostly it's a box on wheels. Some are more fashionable than others. Some of the really fashionable ones are basically so unreliable you pretty much want the tow truck people on speed dial, but they are more fashionable and so more desired and so people think if you use one of these you're higher social status than others. Barking mad, makes no sense at all; that's neurotypicals for you. Fashion in clothes. This is a similar thing, with added mimicry. I joke that it is best explained by a group of fashion designers in a pub, betting each other on what ridiculous thing they can make fashionable in the world. Thus far "Tea cosy hat" is winning, with "ripped to shreds trousers" mounting a stern challenge and the rest nowhere. I look at this, and the people who do it and they all call me mad. I can but laugh.

Hi Paul, I enjoy your videos. I appreciate your honesty. It would be nice if you could talk about dealing with ableism, and also about the positive side of autism. Thanks

Hi Paul, another great, thought-provoking video, thank you 🙂 I need to have a look through your back catalogue and see if you've already discussed pain perception and autism. How being autistic affects pain perception and how it also makes it difficult to communicate effectively with health professionals who perhaps don't believe the person who says they're in pain or don't believe the pain can be as serious or impactful as the person says it is. How that affects the person's mind and trust and confidence in the health system - to feel you're not believed or should feel ashamed for taking up their time because they don't seem to attach any importance to how you feel or how the situation is affecting your life. Anyway, that's my topic request for Paul's Pearls of Wisdom, but as I say, perhaps you've already done one on that, I haven't looked yet. Hope you're doing alright yourself just now. Matthew

always a good chat from you with every video.

I eould love if you could do a video on why other people with ASD get annoyed with me when I see so many similar signs of my ASD in them. It mak3s no sense.

Another nice video Paul ! I don't take painkillers for the same reason : if something's wrong, I want to know it and know that I won't make it worse juste because de pill is hiding the pain from me. When I met my husband, I was incredibly miserable, in a toxic relationship and on medications for depression. I decided he was my last chance and threw the pills (and the toxic guy) away. 17 years later, really happy and with 3 children, we discovered we were both autistic, and we learn together how to deal with it 🙂

Hi paul, im scottish, and i can tell you the culture is so different up here. We tend to be quite thick skinned and our banter can be a bit brutal. Im still in Scotland but i work for an office in England. One thing i like about in scotland tho is you offend others less. I unknowingly upset some of my English colleagues more often than i have with Scots but thats autism for you - we offend people accidentally. Anyway, glad you are happier now and back where you are comfortable. Thanks for your videos you have helped me not feel so alone

I also don't take any medication directly for Autism. I am on testosterone due to having Klinefelter Syndrome and majorly for the fact that I was randomly passing out due to low energy. I was recently on anti-depressants for which I believe I was going through Autistic burnout, I'm now off it because now I realise that was not depression. It was a result of being overwhelmed with life at that point in time, and now I've discovered ways to minimise things that I find overwhelming (such as LED lights, soft sounds, trying to limit stims). By minimising these overwhelming situations, I can gather more (I can't find the word) ... range? to deal with other overwhelming situations.

Dark Side of Autism. We need more of that. I’m so sick and tired of all the ‘Autistic superpower’, glamourisation, it’s so quirky and cool approach that, like, EVERYone else takes. It’s not belong with acceptance, and it sure as shit isn’t helping with understanding. Stuff like that makes people think Autism is just this silly little pastime. It’s just Bob being Bob. And it bloody isn’t! So. More Dark Side of Autism

Something I'd like to see discussed: Post diagnosis treatment. What happens when you get the call?

Thank you for this! As someone who was diagnosed autistic at 44 and medicated for depression on & off since my teenage years, I can relate. For me personally (& it sounds like for you as well), accommodations were what was really needed.

Always a pleasure. Learning more about myself and other people on the spectrum.

It’s taken me forever to finally understand and allow myself to prioritize my contentment. It’s a little sad that it takes so long for those of us late diagnosed though. For that reason, I’m very open with my son. I want him to enjoy his life as much as possible in this NT world.

Paul, I have really felt comfortable watching your videos since last year, and appreciate your approach, as it's very relatable. You have covered SO many topics which is so helpful. Life feels very difficult, complicated, even painful, when it comes to "coping with difficult people". I STILL can't figure it out 😞 My usual way is to do whatever I have to do to put distance between myself and "those mean people". For me, I include "toxic people" in with "people who are not safe". I feel better without abusers. I just can't handle it. Too draining and causes me meltdowns, anxiety, depression, PTSD triggered, etc. and the fact that my system cannot tolerate taking "medications". BUT I saw with myself, over time, after I got ASD, neurodivergent clarification, and I "accepted" that about myself, the "depression changed" to less oppressive, because I then felt like "oh THAT'S why I did that", all the way back to when I was a child. This is a journey, and I really appreciate your videos Paul. Dealing with people is always a welcome topic. Also having "friends".. OMG that's is so hard for me to navigate. All the best to you 😊

🤷‍♂I want to watch what you put out. I get why you're asking but I subbed because you were just saying how you feel in a respectful way, even if I don't always agree with all of it Sorry to hear you went through that! I've had similar experiences with "friends" No shame in taking medication if it's helping but I feel you shouldn't take it blindly! Demand answers from your Doctor! I have multiple friends/family who couldn't function without their medication but I also have a few friends and family member who were misdiagnosed and given medication that made them not want to be around anymore, then they had trouble convincing their Dr that they needed to come off it 😔

As far as I know a lot of autistic people have weird reactions to prescribed medications for mental health conditions (bipolar disorders, bipolar depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder to name some common mental health conditions). It would be nice to do a series on comorbidities with autism including language processing disorders (LPD) also known as expressive language disorder, receptive language disorder or mixed receptive-expressive language disorder (MRELD) without intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders (APDs) with and without intellectual disabilities and oral language disorders (also known as spoken language disorders) in autistic people with and without intellectual disabilities for example. I am beyond tired of seeing KZfaq channels just dedicated to autistic people without intellectual disabilities who also have ADHD especially when I am autistic without any intellectual disabilities and no forms of ADHD at all, but has a generalized anxiety disorder, an auditory processing disorder (APD), a language processing disorder (also known as a mixed receptive expressive language disorder (MRELD)) and an oral language disorder (also known as a sound language disorder)).

Thank you for sharing. Communing with nature has the same restorative effect on me, and this video makes me feel understood for the first time in a while.

I’m on medication because life is too much to manage without it. I’ve done it all my life. I hate how it’s making me gain weight and the other side effects. I really want to just be me, but unfortunately the world is not accommodating.

Adult Autism and Rage. What's the connection, how to deal with it, what's the feelings - how can carers (myself) help?

My heart hurts to hear how your friend treated you. I am the same way and it's ruined my life.. and I feel like I can't ever get out now that I am also chronically ill.

I don't take medication for autism, which I believe to be caused by differences in brain structures. It's not a disease. I also have fibromyalgia (FMS), which is highly correlated with autism. (Meaning a lot of people have both.) I knew I had fms a long time before knew I was autistic. My doctor recommended an antidepressant and an anti-inflammatory taken together. Maybe it's the placebo effect, but it works for me. I'm not entirely pain free, but it allowed me to get on with my life. (Fibromyalgia is also not a disease -- it's a syndrome.) Some people may have sensitivity to any medication. I think people always have to work WITH their physicians to figure out what works for them. I wish blessings on everybody.

I'd love a video on Executive function

Can you make a video about alexithymia?

I take medication for my bipolar that not a good mix it also slowly damages the brain, or so I have been told. They tride me on an anxiety medication a few times I have massive adversefdects from them nasty. Most of my other problems are neurological, I would say that being Autisic is a minor thing compared to my agonising pain. I wake up every day. Bit that's life. You have to get on with things.

Also, it's not your fault, trauma therapy would teach you differently. Maybe your conditioning and way of being a massive big heart yet it's not your fault. They deserve to own that responsibility for their actions/inactions even if they don't ever own them and you can say yes, your responsibility to have changed and recognized all you tolerated but it's not your fault.