Preview 20 Most Common Mistakes by Betrayed Spouse

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8 жыл бұрын

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Пікірлер: 60

@jayell8145 2 жыл бұрын

The only reason my ex husband pretended to want the marriage to continue was to avoid a 2nd divorce for him, with all the financial implications. He continued to lie about not seeing his girlfriend for another 4 years after the affair was first revealed, so I wasted another 4 years of my life, including more financial and emotional abuse for trying to keep the marriage together. My advice would be ‘don’t get fooled again’.

@reshanner 4 жыл бұрын

It's really hard not to do a lot of these things because it feels so counterintuitive not to try and make your spouse wake up to reality, or show them more love and plead with them save your marriage and family if you have a child or children, but it's even harder on you when you make these mistakes and they don't work and even make it worse. I wish I would have trusted this advice and took care of myself instead of just obsessing over my wife and her ongoing affair, and trying to win her back. I finally started listening to the advice and putting it into practice but I may have wasted too much time getting myself together, and it might be too late for my marriage to be saved, but if you'll put this to practice asap you might be able to save yours. Whatever happens I will be okay, and so will all of you, even though it may not feel like it, but it's okay to hurt and be sad - just don't make that your address.

@Bumbledora Жыл бұрын

Well, my husband paid for everything on a trip with the AP, behind my back. I'm sorry to say this: If you pay for absolutely everything? What does that make her? Besides, she KNEW he was married. She had a choice. She could have said no to him not going into a "relationship" with him. So, I'm finding it difficult to not trash the AP. That's the only thing I disagree in the list. I'm trying to mend our marriage because I love him, but it hurts so freakin bad.

@kquestvision7248 10 ай бұрын

HE knew he was married and HE took vows!!! Trust, I can’t stand my SO’s AP, but HE is at fault!

@samanthagladders9993 4 жыл бұрын

1. Believing once your spouse says they will end the affair . Don’t trust that at first. 2. Demanding pledge 100% commitment to the marriage when you discover Infidelity, 3. Pushing guilt on your spouse. 4. Drawing too much security from changed phone numbers and email addresses. 5. Believing you can keep your mate from temptation . 6. Trying to compete with the affair partner or pornography. 7. Trashing the affair partner. 8. Trying to convince your spuds no one will ever love them as much as you do . 9. Using children or grandchildren as pawns . 10. Being up the unfaithful mate with guilt shame and the opinions of Everyone who thinks they’re terrible.

@ImaCatMaia 2 жыл бұрын

I've done everything single one of these

@kevin_conley 3 жыл бұрын

This sounds extremely difficult to overcome. I should just probably leave her and start over. Hard to deal with her affair

@cmsmith1220 2 жыл бұрын

I found my husband of 19 yrs having am affair 2 months ago. He started to change and I noticed it almost right away but not quick enough. I found out after they hooked up but they had only done it once since she lives in Calofornia and we are in Ohio, of course they didn't get chances to be together other than the one time she was in town. We're in marriage counseling but I have to be honest, I don't feel the same anymore. I am so hurt and so betrayed that I just don't know if I'll ever feel the same about him and about us. I'm trying. I do still love him so much, that didn't change. My trust and faith in him did. To the lowest point.

@ryanlamon3247 2 жыл бұрын

@@cmsmith1220 I'm in a similar position. Do you still feel the same now?

@landbarron1420 7 ай бұрын

@@ryanlamon3247 I found out my wife of 33 years is having a 3 year affair. I don't think we can repair this.....My life is over

@tyronebixby 4 жыл бұрын

How can you push your spouse away after they had an affair? It appears that they already made their decision. 🤷🏾‍♂️

@ericarice4588 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve been betrayed beyond words, but I will NEVER understand ever, people bringing their children in on it. It’s abuse.

@robertabrown4123 4 жыл бұрын

It's all very hard and complicated. Especially when there is so much invested...family and finances. I feel like even if we can ever get better, the fantasy that I'm special in his life is over...and I don't know that I can believe I would find that if I left either. We live like roommates.

@awetnasa 4 жыл бұрын

So sorry.

@Mxtraveler 2 жыл бұрын

Your comment about trashing the AP is correct. Him explaining that it was also his decision also made me feel like he was defending her. It took him a while to realize that he couldn’t do that.

@saintejeannedarc9460 2 жыл бұрын

Trashing his little sweetie backfired on me initially. Then I'd have to hear him defend her, minimize and deny her actions. It was an emotional affair w/ a girl half our age. We'd been estranged for a few years, he was working for a few years, just some book dealing from home, too much time, not enough self esteem, less and less responsible and me not knowing how to make it worse. So this girl he meets eventually gets introduced like the daughter we never had, lets help her out and have her to dinner because her dad died, etc. A few months later, I've had one too many of her little seduction games right in front of me and I pitched her out for good. Then commenced another 3 months of him stealing time w/ her, me catching it and him rationalizing that it was harmless. Eventually, he did admit that I was right about a lot of what pointed out about her. They do point out that the AP is really a fantasy and illusion. As they clear their head, they start to see how someone sneaking and lying w/ them is not in any way a worthwhile replacement for you. I still have no idea what will happen and still hear waffling sometimes. I guess that's par for the course.

@dailyambientandsoothingmus687 Жыл бұрын

I am in the same! The other lady is almost the same age as my girl! He’s 50! She’s 18 years younger. He calls her LITTLE SMALL BEAUTIFUL GIRL! Wtf! Is he her dad! How sick! She knows he’s married with 2 kids! Yet she defends and protects her! He’s still seeing and calling her! Caught them in the car driving at 11:30 to F!

@jayalexander6798 6 жыл бұрын

This is SO good and true. Thank you.

@mariesavannah2369 6 жыл бұрын

Only the love of God in our heart can make us do the right things when a relationship break down...

@pinkbutterfly772 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you going through this now. This was very helpful.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching Pinkbutterfly. If you're looking for a good place to start, I suggest the free 7 day bootcamp found here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp

@gloriamoreno3225 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you, and even outside of an affair, this is helpful just for oneself.

@bboo8436 3 жыл бұрын

I wish my cheating husband cared about protecting the children. He brought her to the house and they spent time together like a little happy family. How is that not considered child abuse?

@vincenzodibenedetto2468 4 жыл бұрын

My goodness this is the most depressing video ever watch

@user-yz7hx3ty6s 2 жыл бұрын

Cheaters are always wrong it does not matter why they did it

@jacquelineperez7494 3 жыл бұрын

23 year relationship 4 kids and it’s not the first time. I don’t know what to do

@michaelwaxter3372 3 жыл бұрын

Look on their website and send them an email. They're responsive. Good luck.

@tirebecca9669 3 жыл бұрын

Follow your heart and make a good choice for yourself.

@Bumbledora Жыл бұрын

Same here. 3 kids, long relationship then marriage, not the first time he cheated on me. I'm giving our marriage one more chance. Right now though I'm hurting so bad I just wanna scream. Oh I forgot... I've already done that. I'm completely traumatised and it's like grieving. Grief for our marriage that feels like a lie. Behind my back. I'm sure you and other betrayed feels the same. You have to decide if you really want to stay or leave. I know, it's difficult. I wish you all the best and I also feel for you. 🌹

@ladynerfertitti1710 5 жыл бұрын

Another one is threatening to bring down the unfaithful spouse, scaring them to stay, blackmailing them with secrets about them, etc. My friend has kept his bf like this so far its working he ended the affair will see how long it lasts.

@blueprince2330 6 жыл бұрын

So don't tell her that no man will ever love her as much as I do? Whoops.... Anyway, great video, great series of videos. It's nice to get solid advice, in such a heart wrenching, time of emptiness and despair. Thank you.

@jessicow5635 5 жыл бұрын

In my case this actually helped us. He did express she understood him more. I didn't argue with that, but I had a handleful of evidence to prove my love being stronger, lasting, real, etc. It was actually convincing to him. Unfortunately it didn't last more than a couple years before he became convinced that I didn't care like I'd proven time and time again, but that was mental illness and bitterness leading that misconception, and was irrelevant to the affair.

@aprilmurray1080 4 жыл бұрын

The “relationship “ between US & AP was & is never love.

@stilldreaming1972 3 жыл бұрын

Please keep talking about all this stuff! I am in a betrayed trauma group on fb and the members are growing so much faster now than about 6mo ago. This is so big and education needs to grow as fast as porn

@mfawls9624 2 жыл бұрын

What group is that, if you can say?

@aleshakelly3913 5 жыл бұрын

This was right on!!!

@franciscarvalho2273 6 жыл бұрын

Is there any way we can hear from an unfaithful WOMAN who has successfully stayed in her marriage?

@AffairrecoveryLLC 6 жыл бұрын

We don't have an unfaithful woman vlogger but here is a link to a full mentor couple video on our site: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-mentor-videos.

@proudrosemom 5 жыл бұрын

I did ! You can message me

@valeriaramos7759 5 жыл бұрын

@Debbie R how can get get in touch with you?

@heidi8219 5 жыл бұрын

@debbie R how long has it been since D day?

@susietigger2280 5 жыл бұрын

I did as well! Feel free to message me

@gregstuart9783 4 ай бұрын

The biggest mistake is riding it out for 15years with multiple partners cos of the kids! Youngest is four is 18 this year, then I’m gone and she can explain WHY…

@paulap9958 10 ай бұрын

I made all of them! What do i do instead?! Please

@penjenta 5 жыл бұрын

Who are these speakers? Where are their practices?

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 жыл бұрын

Hi penjenta. The speakers in this video are Leslie Hardie, LCSW, and Dr. John Haney, PhD., LPC, they are married and you can find more about them on our Meet our Team page under our Clinical Professional Contributors section: www.affairrecovery.com/about-us/meet-our-team. The speakers, Leslie and John, are the co-authors of our online course for betrayed spouses, Harboring Hope: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope

@The_Stubborn_Christian 5 жыл бұрын

I only got 10..hwere's the other 10

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 жыл бұрын

Hi there. This is a preview. You can find the full version here: www.affairrecovery.com/20-most-common-mistakes-hurt-spouse

@holygroove2 6 жыл бұрын

Way harder when the woman is the infidel. WAY harder.

@jayalexander6798 6 жыл бұрын

How so?

@mission4him09 6 жыл бұрын

Why???

@BKP62 6 жыл бұрын

Why? I don't understand the difference.

@jaysmooth5207 4 жыл бұрын

@@mission4him09 because normally the women takes on the nurturing role rather than think they would want to hurt their loved ones by seeking another person.....

@mfawls9624 2 жыл бұрын

Women have never been socialized to try and make amends like men are. Boys are raised by mothers and mostly female teachers. We are conditioned by that to see them as somehow automatically worthy and to be pleased. Women don't tend to apologize or show remorse.