After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!

Funny how they want those around them to shut down their emotions and feel they’re unjustified for having and showing them whilst they show all the emotions in the world and even rage when they dont get things their way. 😵‍💫😔

“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything, but to be okay.” *- Kahlil Gibran* †

I feel like I have healed because I trust myself never to trust them again.

Hi Dr Ramani ....I have endured 30 years of narcissistic marriage.Its a text book case of covert narcissism.Your videos gave me extensive clarity , validation and a feeling of being alive. Thanks for being you.

when you feel good, the narcissist feels bad and they have to take you down to rip that smile off your face. sad, so sad.

I took the bait today, I pushed back and called her on her lies. Everything exploded I ended up feeling like crap and crying and I know there’s more punishment coming later. I’m just leaving this comment here because I know there’s a bunch of people on here who understand. Thank you for bringing us all together Dr R.

She really gets this You can hear it in her voice . Bless you Dr.Ramani ❤️

This might be my favorite of all your videos. Not permitted to express feelings describes my entire childhood. I have learned over the years that having and emoting feelings is a human thing. Even animals express feelings. We aren’t machines.

Sadly, as children, we were cursed at by our nar mom for any show of emotion. So we would stuff them down or cry in silence, even if you were hurt. Well, I'm empathic, so as the oldest, I provided comfort to my siblings and stood up to my mom, although it didn't always save us from beatings with an extension cord. I stood up to the bullies at school as well. My mother would tell people I was too emotional bc I did show emotion and speak up. Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Hope everyone continues to heal. 🙏

I shed way too many tears after I was discarded! Now I can chuckle at my behavior and how I'm FREE AT LAST!!

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

Well, thanks, Dr. R now I’m having a good cry! I left the narcissist three years ago and thank God I was only in the relationship for four years. But that four years did a lot of damage. One of the good things that came out of it is, I finally was able to come to terms with the fact that my mother is also a narcissist and narcissism has been a lifelong thing I’ve endured. Thank you for making the healing path a safe one. .

Yes. I turn on music that makes me cry and dance. What a release.

It feels like deep grief and bereavement to leave these types of loved ones, but they are still alive, abusing others. I'm reveling in well-deserved safety, peace and quiet. Thank you for helping me heal. Now I've learned discernment.

It's funny, not funny, how I answered anger in my head before you mentioned it, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for this space you share with us. I walked away from my narcissistic relationship nearly 10 years ago, I feel joy sometimes when I get to cry, crying was not permissible in my family. This always angered my dad. If saw a movie that made me sad he got angry, if I saw a person in need and I felt empathy for them he got angry, if I shared something with someone in need and I gave away my time, my money, or anything he would get angry. I am finally free to feel and do what I want without getting caught in the narcissistic tornado of rage.

I've found "living well is the best revenge". Living well in this instance is - not engaging and instead focusing on your own self preservation and well being whatever is required to achieve same. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They are just feelings. But important as they relate to each of us.

Dear Dr. Ramani, make sure you take good care of yourself. You work very hard for all of us. Thank you!

"Just because you are angry, it doesn't make you an angry person." THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. My entire family has me framed as "the angry one." The angry person's anger is never valid. The angry one's anger frightens everyone and therefore the angry one's anger is bad and the angry one is a bad person for getting angry. NO. Sometimes, I get angry. And you know what? I'm angry that I'm not allowed to be angry, and my family is going to have to DEAL WITH IT. I have no intention of throwing tantrums, because I'm perfectly capable of handling anger when I'm not being baited or abused, but I'm not going to pretend I'm not angry and I'm not going to put up with shame. I'm not going to grovel and promise to be "safe" either.

All roads lead to anger (or rage in my family of origin)

I started to feel, once I started to feel safe.

"Find other ways to express feelings that may end up harming yourself." Yes. My body is full of scars because of narcissistic abuse. Self harm I believe runs rampant in abuse victims. Fortunately, it can be overcome.

Their world is a stage, their audience kneeling, Blind to the wisdom that feeling is healing.

Feeling is "forbidden"... yes. Highly inconvenient for narcissistic families. Thanks for another really insightful and helpful video.

... So, I'm healing. I'm holding on to this piece of logic because of all the gaslighting I've experienced in my attempt to share the fact that I'm growing, healing. You're my Harriet Tubman- coming back to free others after your own escape. Thanks Dr.Ramani and company- I'm tracking!

As an Empath, feeling is absolutely necessary for anything, including healing. When my narcissistic boyfriend was like a plain wall when I showed emotions and feelings, it struck me as odd. When I look back, it all makes sense why. Never change yourself and hold back feelings since that's your power and control. Never give control away. FEEL AND HEAL AWAY!!! ❤🎉❤

‘Feelings are little messengers’ Tysm

Sometimes I feel conceited in thinking my greatest achievement was overcoming narcissism. Whether I was born this way or it was my conscious effort to learn empathy, I’m more proud of my emotions than any “accomplishments” that my parents praised.

Sometimes I feel like you're on my journey with me Dr Ramini. As I'm traveling through these days of tears and sadness I needed to hear this today- to know that on the other side, there is always, life.

"Feeling is a risky space" Yes indeed

Healthy living beings grow and their emotional energy flows. Just like there's pain in our limbs when thawing out from frostbite, there's pain in our souls when we start to thaw out emotionally.

It is so true dr Ramani. Once you start feeling you can be sure you are healing and although those feelings might be scary and uncomfortable to say the least, it’s a sign of life and going in the right direction. We have to feel it, to heal it. So true. Thank you 🙏 God bless you ❤

Accepting myself- everything about myself… my emotions, my opinions, my personal interests- makes me feel like I’m some sort of punk/hardcore REBEL after a LIFETIME of narcissistic abuse. Learning to accept myself was the most uncomfortable feeling I ever felt in my life; I even had severe panic attacks!!! My self-loathing was through the roof and so grossly entrenched in my head since birth. Therapy has saved my life and helped me to overcome the severe anxiety and discomfort- but I still have a long way to go. I still feel a lot of discomfort. I’m still in therapy. I don’t know how long I will need to be in therapy to totally overcome the discomfort, but I’ve come a long way.

This video is truly right on time. My soon to be ex literally just moved out

Count your blessings, not your problems and stay away from narcissists they have a problem for every solution.

Thank you Dr. Ramani. Yes, FEELING is HEALING. Since ten years i am writing and i am painting. So i became an artist. Seriously. When i was 60 years, i had my first own exhibition. It feels great❤

Everything you say here is true. …the sense of safety in our own emotions… what we feel is so closely aligned with our intuition, that still small voice, that feeling in your gut , that says go this way, leave the party now, stop here for a moment, call your friend today. Our emotions are designed to guide us safely through life. I remember lying on Mom’s couch, after I was safely away from the malignant narcissist I had chosen to love. I was sick and felt miserable, but as I lay there, sick as I was, I was happy to feel so bad, because it was more than I had been allowed to feel for a long time. Healing is feeling- that’s a good thing to remember

Thank you for your videos. It has been very helpful for me. I have lived through a 30 plus nassistic marrage and always believed it was 100% my fault.

Very important video thanks very much. My feelings were all bottled up and shamed. At the peak of my stress as I was realizing how bad things really are, my emotions were all jumbled. I just felt like I was drowning in quick sand.

“Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit." *- Gibran Khalil Gibran* †

that is true, when you finally let go of the narcissist... you get your feelings and emotions back... like a doll that came to life (Pinocchio anyone?) you truly gain your humanity back.

Speaking of feelings, sometimes admitting to whatever your feeling really helps. It doesn’t matter if it’s anger, or fear, or sadness, or whatever. It helps just to let it out, then you’re able to move on and go about your day. Thank you 🌟

Here I am, crying again while you speak. This is beautiful! A lot of times I'm trying to numb the pain and the crying, but I know it is only suppressing everything inside me, and I need to wash it out and let the tears come out and clean my heart and soul. It's not easy, but I think ot gets easier with time. Thank you Dr Ramani! ❤

Blessings to your mom on her continued healing ❤️‍🩹

*"Feelings don’t define us. You may feel angry; that doesn’t mean you’re an angry person."* ❤ THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani! ❤ 5:38 "If you are a survivor of narcissistic relationships and you are feeling, then as miserable as it may be, it’s a good thing. You’re alive, you’re human, things happened to you. And if you are feeling them, that means you are connecting back to yourself."

Thank you for this video. This rings so true to me. I was taught that showing emotion in public is attention seeking (like crying at funerals) and to this day, I have difficulty crying when sad. Since I have been working on healing, my other emotions have been more accessible, but I haven't been able to access sadness yet. Instead of crying, I get exhausted. I slept so much after my mom and dad died. I think that when I can cry and fully experience the sadness, I will lose this exhaustion. When I had physical therapy, I was so used to not complaining about pain, that I could voice when I was in pain, and my therapist said she had to watch my face to know how far to push. I also almost died in pregnancy because of this. The last time they measured the baby, it caused severe pain (because my liver was inflamed), but I didn't say anything, because I couldn't trust myself that what I was feeling was more than "some discomfort". 2 days later, I was in liver failure, with almost no platelets, having an emergency c-section (fortunately, my son and I are fine, but my doctor said I was the closest his practice ever came to losing a mother during childbirth). Ironically, my son and I survived because when I called the hospital because I thought I was in labor (really liver pain), the nurse said to try drinking water first in case I was dehydrated. I said, "OK" and had a glass of water, but then told my husband, "I know she said to drink water and wait an hour to see if the pains subside, but I just feel like we she go to the hospital." He immediately took me and later, when the lab results came back, the nurse thanked me for ignoring her advice, she said that if I had stayed home, I would have died because I had no platelets left. I am so glad I listened to my instincts the 2nd time.

This is both powerful and lovely, Dr. R

The only one who doesn't have any feelings or has any emotions is the one lying in the casket ⚰️.. Period..

Beautifully expressed, Dr. R. Feeling is healing, fully human and alive.

Dr. Ramani, Thanks again! Our feelings are important! After months of listening to Dr. Ramani, I realize I "Smiling on the outside; Crying on the inside!". Dr. Ramani is the closest thing on earth; God is always there to hear my problems, but I must do the work without allowing my feelings to interfere with my healing. First thing is to stop beating myself up and sabotage when the feelings come up. I acknowledge feelings and tell feelings 😮when I am heal I will make my feelings my best friend. God bless you for helping us survive ❤️ 🙏

Thank you SO much for this! Staying away from those people is key, for me.

Tender hugs to your mom.

Yeah, feelings ding you to notify and keep you up to date, It's information for you to use to help navigate through life. They are definitely meant to be felt. Going to be 36 in May...been trying to heal since 7. Get and have gotten punished for feeling it's hell. Still do it's just dangerous so don't get to voice them. So time, lack of energy, that heaviness of never ending grief, and the consequences piled up through the years. Still trapped currently with narcissistic abusers, but regardless been speaking up, crying, processing more and more. It's not ideal, because so much still gets smashed down by them, but feeling the full force of it has made it easier mentally and emotionally. Each thing you can do to lighten the load helps. Hoping that it's enough physically for me to keep holding on and trying. I have multiple autoimmune illnesses and cptsd and other issues due to the stress and grief of it all. Isolation isn't great and it's scary, but at least with myself I've found peace. Issue is I'm still traumatized as hell so trying to meet new people while having almost no energy to even verbally speak or move presents it's own horrors to face. I might already have learned this lesson, but after the morning I had it was a nice reminder. And I know I can't change or help the narcissists in my life no matter how hard I've tried. I feel and speak up even when it is dangerous, because I get punished for existing anyways. I might as well be myself and that means being as healthy and healed. You can't really do those without putting the theories into practice. Been trying my entire life to get or create the opportunity to leave. Until then I do my best to fight with kindness and as much knowledge as I can. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for being here and making these videos for the us fireflies in the abyss.

Your explanation of emotions from a narc helps me. My dad was one and he was often furious. I have dated a few narcs and boy were they angry people often. I am terrified of the anger of other people now. And I keep mine locked up until it has to get out. Healing and caring for yourself during bigger emotions is key. And I need to do it more and more. I really do feel unsafe around the anger of others.

Yes! My therapist continuously talks to me about feeling my feelings. It was kind of hard at first, but I’m getting better at expressing my feelings. Thank you!

Yes. I let my daughter do this. It was therapeutic.

I use the phrase multiple times a day with clients! Claiming it

Really needed to hear this today 🙏🏼. Thank you 😊.

Your video is so true Dr. Ramani. I took me many years of struggle to bring back the contact with my own emotions with a technique called focussing. I was in and out of emotional numbness for years... It finally worked. It was the first step on a pathway to get to know myself: my needs, my desires, my feelings, my dreams and goals. It leads to meaning and purpose: the best narcissistic reppellant!

Thank you Dr. so love the phrase healing is feeling!❤️✨🙏🌹

I feel a great comfort in knowing this, and I do feel alive. Thank you Dr. Ramani

Good one! Thanks Doc. You are an angel.

This was the one for me today! Thanks for this one.❤

Thank you for kind words, dr Ramani. I like your video and your channel a lot.

I can see clearly now, the narcissist is gone -this song 🎵 I can see clearly now the rain 🌧️ is gone

Wow, so Brilliant. In suppressing difficult emotions to protect ourselves, we also suppress the joyful ones. We can't heal or create anything better when we're in Survival Mode; which is where the Narcissist wants to keep us. As always, express feelings away from the Narcissist, and Healing is Feeling. So powerful, thank you!

Right on Dr R!!!

My mom never ever comforted me. Didn't matter if I feel and skinned my knee (it was always my fault) or if she and my father had a screaming fight for 3 hours (that never even happened according to her and I was crying to embarrass her). By the time I ran away at 13 I couldn't cry ever. Took me years of therapy to cry. I made the terrible choice of letting her back into my life and she continued to walk away anytime I had any emotions except praising her.

Thank you for this video.. needed this!

I love your insights. Thank you for all the wisdom!

Repeat after me: it's okay to be you. It's okay to be you. I'm saying this to myself too. I don't always believe it yet, and today the pain physically hurts, but I'm a year out, and I'm getting there. I'm allowed to be me, and I'm allowed to feel. Thanks, Dr. Ramani. I really needed that this week. 🙏❤️

I so needed to hear this. Thank you so much. ❤

I am afraid that we may be raising a generation of young people who will grow up afraid to love, afraid to give themselves completely to another person, because they will have seen how much it hurts to take the risk of loving and have it not work out. I am afraid that they will grow up looking for intimacy without risk, for pleasure without significant emotional investment. They will be so fearful of the pain of disappointment that they will forgo the possibilities of love and joy…

Your feelings are your own and your not obligated to share them with anyone. It's ok to have them and people will try and use them against you. If you no longer care what others think, then they, no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to harm you. You can have all the thoughts and feelings you want, you don't have to act them out, especally if they're they are negative.

This is totally what I need to hear as I am process some feelings that get minimized shamed dismissed invalidated and ignored by the narcissists. Feeling to heal and being kind to myself. Thank you Dt Ramani ❤

Thank you very much, doctor

Thank you.

Thank you Dr Ramani

It is a good thing!

"Healing is feeling". 💯 Analyzing and processing our feelings is a HUGE part of identifying narcissistic abuse and healing from it. In the end, we realize that the abuse isn't only about what was done to us. It's about how it made us feel.

This is SO good...

'Inside Out' is a great movie. I had tears at something in the end of 'Home' recently. Some of these movies say so much.

Thank you for this

Thank you!

Thank you for all you do! ❤️

My sister tried to shut down my feelings at our Dad's funeral. She was also trying to draw out my anger at Dad's coffin. I turned and left without another word. She didn't get that justification for disparaging me in a public place. Feelings allow healing by washing out the toxicity, little by little. And gradually you can reason.

"feelings are forbidden in narc relationships" Yup! have an emotion? logical inquiries? or even reasonable reservations? - The cherry on top is when the narcissist uses/has financial abuse + alcohol addiction included into this equation. It's like being bullied daily until they break you down. (But, even during all their abuse, the narc is quick to remind you ,that they're the victim , and your just *insert whatever name-calling, belittling word here) - Thank you so much for your videos. I've learned so much about how to deal w this bc of your posts. 🙏

Well put. Thank you.

I was so mentally and emotionally damaged by a my narcissist ex partner that five years later I'm still crying and to be honest I am afraid that I will never recover.

When I show happiness and joy. My step mom hated it. When I showed sadness and hurts she was glad and pleased. You are right about what is said. I am know working on this issue. Also working on narcissistic avoident attachment on how to heal from this I received from my whole family my whole life to my healing journey. Thank you Dr Ramani 😊. For the 1st time I can pin pint this trauma I can begin to work on this. Healing takes time when you're hurting so much with self care. I lost all the unconditional love. I went into a an emotional prison. Know I'm working on being free one step at a time. ❤

Have a lot of healing to do after living with abuse for over 2 years of marriage and finding our my wife was cheating on me our entire relationship. Feel so empty, and have to let go of someone I thought loved me unconditionally. Just sucks feeling like I was thrown out like a piece of trash for someone that according to my soon to be ex said is more mature, more attractive, and more determined than me. While he's cheating on his wife with my wife, doesn't have a college education or career and is not more attractive than me, but I guess none of that really matters.

This video moved me… I haven’t had my own feelings for 25 years. My verbal and mentally emotionally abusive marriage conditioned me to suppress any feelings I had and literally walk-through Life numb. Being able to now have feelings of my own is scary and sometimes I feel like a child all over again. The damage that does is unreal thank you for this video. I will be listening to it over and over.

My 82yo mom recently had neck surgery. I feel like we have so much in common... Anyway, thank you. I'm sharing this video with my sister 🤗

Nothing wrong with a great rhyme!

I was constantly gaslighted by my sister and mom ,I was told the liar

As with some many videos by Dr. Ramani, I kept on nodding in front of the screen as I watched this. It’s such a relief there is someone who really understands what I’ve been through, and obviously a whole community of people with similar experiences. It’s so true that the life with a narcissist, anger(of them, not me) is the only feeling. I was observing exactly that. Somehow he seemed to see anger as the only manlike emotion to express.

The process has been a roller coaster, One day I’m angry the next minute I am crying it’s a lot❤respect to all of you

This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you, Dr. Ramani❣️Your reference to the wind reminded me of my most beloved poem: The Oak Tree A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the Oak Tree’s leaves away. Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark until the Oak was tired and stark. But still the Oak Tree held its ground while other trees fell all around. The weary wind gave up and spoke, How can you still be standing Oak?” The Oak Tree said, I know that you can break each branch of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my limbs and make me sway. But I have roots stretched in the earth, growing stronger since my birth. You’ll never touch them, for you see they are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn’t sure of just how much I could endure. But now I’ve found with thanks to you, I’m stronger than I ever knew.

It’s like you’re addressing me, personally. Thank you for THIS video. 🥰🥰🥰

I feel free since I went no contact and understood their behavior