Seriously… Not spoiling a child doesn’t require lying… And paying your child’s student loans is also not spoiling him, seriously… There are plenty of ways to teach a child about the value of their work, lying to them is nowhere on the list.

YTA, this lady is so delusional. She had the audacity to say that she doesn't think she is in the wrong wow! Good luck wondering why doesn't your son talk to you anymore .

YTA and a HUGE one! You could have taught your son to be humble and the value of money so many other ways. Forcing him to work and take student loans at today's rates? Did you think it was still like when you and your husband were young? Vacation home? Astounding. You coulda-woulda-shoulda found better ways to teach him than to LIE while making him go without. He may never talk to you again.

I wish I could find the original because I hope she understood that she was dead wrong. Her son may never talk to her again because of the foolish decision she decided to make. My husband and I are not wealthy, but we teach our kids about finances and how money works. She could've done the same with her son. There's many wealthy children who aren't brats.

YTA, their son only speaks to his dad because he had the decency to confess once confronted with the truth and actually feels guilt for what they did. She still wanted to lie to him even after the family friend let the cat out of the bag. Did she really think they would be able to keep up the lie all the way to their deathbed and the son finds out when he sees all the money left to him, or were they going to quietly donate it all to charity and only leave just enough for their funeral expenses and take the lie to their grave?

Yeah, definitely the a hole. There's other ways to teach the value of a dollar that don't include lying and making someone's life more difficult.

I'm so confused on why you wouldn't help your son with tuition? If this is real you're greedy. I only doubt it's real bc it's hard to get student loans when your parents are wealthy. I know you don't owe anyone your money but why work so hard in life and deny your children? Most ppl work to offer their family the best life possible.

Looks like your wealth was more important than your son. It all worked out as you wanted.

Yta... just sounds like op wanted to keep it all to herself ngl

Yta, you don’t need pay for the entire college but you could have paid for a big portion and Leave the rest to the son. Also you can raise unspoiled child and not lie about money, you don’t need tell them how much you actually have because that is not a kids business.

YTA due to the fact that while you have the best interests at hand, lying wasn't the way to go and paying for his education plus teaching him the art of hard work would have been the better approach down the line instead.

OP ITA, refusing to help under the guise that you aren't able to help is 100% wrong and cowardly.

Yes. You both are. Why would you saddle your son with potentially decades worth of loan payments when you could have easily paid for it. Your thought process could have been ‘well I had to do it that way so he can too’ if your parents couldn’t afford to help. If that’s the case you decided that your son’s college experience wouldn’t be better than yours. If your parents helped you through college in any way, shape or form (and I suspect they did, to some extent at least, as you don’t mention that you had to do it all alone and that would be your first line of defence) you really are despicable. Your income and savings would have made him ineligible for many grants and sponsorships so in fact your decision is even worse because you ham strung him and prevented him from accessing many income streams that would have been available if you were less affluent. The college experience is meant to be the transition from childhood to adulthood and you chose to make his as difficult and challenging as possible. Who knows what grades he would have achieved if he hadn’t had to do everything he did. Who knows what job opportunities he could have landed. Who knows what networking opportunities he had to turn down that, again, could have provided him with a far better life that he will have. You actually may have ruined his life by not allowing him to reach his full potential. That’s what loving and supportive parents should do. Provide the best for their children. You chose to provide nothing. Shame on you. Are you afraid he would do better than you in life and you wanted to keep him down to make yourselves feel better? Because that’s what it sounds like. It actually borders on abuse - it’s akin to saying I beat him up to teach him a lesson to prevent him from doing something when he hadn’t done ANYTHING wrong. You are truly horrible parents. It’s one thing teaching him about the value of money and another punishing him for something he had never done. You are both exceptionally selfish with a massive superiority complex that borders on narcissistic. I truly would not blame him if he never wanted to see or speak to you again.

One of the few times im gonna say YTA, there was so many different ways of you teaching him the value of money instead of sacrificing his childhood and happiness, this is something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life and terrible social life bc you cant see how you are still not in the wrong on this one, glad your son is not talking to you, never thought this through and decided to lie.

While lying wasn’t a great option and may result in their relationship suffering, I know a bunch of kids who’s parents told them, and even bragged, about their wealth which led to fits and fights when they said no because the child knew they could afford it. Rich kids don’t usually tend to turn out hard working if they don’t have the drive for it.

My parents were also wealthy but never lied to me. Instead they told me it wasn’t “my money” and that I had to work for what I wanted, and they would only help if I showed I was responsible. Not paying for their son’s college tuition is a really low blow too, on top of the lying

In fact, yta you denied your son happiness for all those years, and so you know, money comes and goes, and bones between family do not.

ESH imo. OP is obviously a big AH, but husband is also a minor one for throwing her under the bus when it was a decision they both made (he just got guilty earlier); and the son is somewhat of an idiot to still bond with his dad who only got him some things behind OP‘s back when it „takes 2 to tango“ The son has to reasonably hazard a guess that his dad was still on board with all of this for some time, so why not cut the dad off as well? I guess it’s because dad is still giving him money

SECONDDD!!! WAOOWOO

At what point was your lie going to end ? When you died and his life was almost over too ?

First