She was being rude to her mother but she was BULLYING the boy....

Yeah the moment she told me no I would have taken her home after publicly telling everyone there why you were going home and announcing that she was going to live without her phone until she decided she could respect people and their culture right in front of the daughter. There isn’t a mean girl phase the kid has just learned to be mean because she has learned she can get away with things with minimal consequences.

The better punishment is not just taking her cell, but to buy her a $15 flip phone from Walmart! She'll have to explain to her friends as to why she has to call grandmother to pick her up.

Phone taken away, along with other nice things, and earning them back would be a verbal essay regarding the culture she kept insulting, and the effects of bullying.

I want to know how Granny Dearest would have punished them way back when.

Don’t give a time limit on how long the phone is taken away for. You will get your phone back when you prove that you can show respect to others and that includes telling your parents no.!. also tell the grandmother you’re not the parent.

NTA, if the parents would not intervene now, they would be in a world of hurt in a few years. Good job!!

The ghost tried to throw flags lol

I was waiting for the forced apology too, and was surprised when it never happened. It seems like the daughter needs to learn more about the culture she was insulting, and maybe include other cultures too. In the old days of having to write lines when you made mistakes in school, being forced to learn about the subject you are ignorant about was always a go to.

My kids would never do this, let alone tell me No!! That’s consequences of some not great parenting right there. I would’ve taken her home after she said no….not go back inside!

One summer when my boys were 9 and 15, they couldn't walk by each other without fighting. I got in their faces and told them to pick a card game and I would set a timer for one hour. If I heard fighting words or saw fighting I would up the timer to one hour. If they could not behave they could very well be sitting there all day. My oldest looked at me and said "I don't have too!" I looked at him and said he could go to his room and stay there until his father got home (it was still morning) and be prepared to explain to his father why he disrespected me. He decided to play the card game. They behaved during the game. What was funny was that they continued playing for another hour because they were enjoying themselves. They were also well behaved the rest of the day. FYI, my oldest was taller then me and my husband!

She told me no she would have been right in the car going home not back in to finish eating 😮😮

If I had said no my mom would’ve slapped me silly!! Oh goodness gracious and I would’ve been apologizing as well. Mom would’ve also grounded me for life with that behavior.

Lol the lone piece of confetti in your hair 😅😂🎉🎉

She would have gotten a spanking (discipline is not against the law ) and the phone taken away and grounded!!

Oooooooooo! I'm in my 70's. My parents would have blistered my bohunkus and then made me apologize in front of everyone. No cell phones to take away at that time.

So kid and Gma. It is a federal CRIME to bully. The loss of phone is now a full month and IF she dose it again I will record it and turn her over to the courts to decide a punishment worthy!

1 week no phone and she owes you a 5 page research project on that tribe and their traditions. She gets her phone back after whichever comes last.

Yeah...my grandmother was my primary care giver when I was growing up. There was a couple times I said no to her. First time it happened the cane got me in the knee. Second time it happened I was bleeding from my temple.

Maybe have the girl research that country old school in the library with BOOKS! She needs to share with OP after.

Best punishment is to take the chargers not the phone lol

Could anyone imagine if this was the 70's or 80's and we got mouthy at the table with our parents? We didn't get grounded, our punishment was handed out at the table.

We aren't going to talk about the fact that she named her kid "Dudley"?

This also felt racist considering the kid she was making fun of was Filipino and she had to have known that considering that Dudley was her little brother's best friend

Make her do a report on the tribe.

Mia needs to apologize to Duncan in front of his parents for being so disrespectful.

The daughter isn't going through a 'mean phase', she's mean. Plain and simple. She's also a bully and I would bet my house and my car that she treats other children at school similarly to the manner she treated this young boy; probably worse because her parents aren't around to see/hear her at school. Her mouth has no filter and until she finds one, she'd have zero privileges in my household until she learns to treat others with decency and respect. At 13, if this is the path she's on with her grandmother defending her, perhaps she should go live with the grandmother for the next year and see how long the grandmother tolerates her 'phase'. IMO, Mom did the right thing, except for allowing her to rejoin the family in that social setting. She got to enjoy a fancy restaurant, being served by others, feeling special and important when she did nothing to make her own mother and that young boy feel special or important even though they were there as well. She ruined her own mother's special day celebration and she certainly put a damper on that young boy's experience that day as well. Mother's Day or not, at 13, she knows better than to act like that and the fact that she did it, said it, and didn't give a fig who thought otherwise, she simply didn't care how her behavior and words affected others. Had I been the one to remove her from the restaurant and have a 'chat' with her outside, she would have spent the remainder of that special event in the car, with me, without her phone, without her meal, away from the family, and by the time the family exited the restaurant, fancy establishment or a simple burger place, she would have been highly educated on what was expected of her from that moment onward concerning her behavior, tone of voice, words that come out of her mouth, treatment of other people regardless of their age and she'd be crystal clear that there will be consequences if she doesn't meet those expectations and the moment she stepped one toe outside those parameters, the consequences would begin accumulating. Grandmother needs to butt out: she raised her kid(s) and he/she left the nest and are now raising their own which means disciplining and correcting their own without input or criticism (especially in front of those kids). Grandmother was wrong. OP NTA. OP should have shut the daughter down the moment she insulted the young boy; she shouldn't have waited until the daughter turned her 'phase' on her with her 'no' response. She was already being inappropriate and unruly in a social setting by baiting the boy and then baiting her parent. If she continues in this light, she's going to bait the wrong person one of these days and wonder why someone doesn't tolerate her nonsense.

Oh she would've felt some pain in the car.

Children that young dont need a cell phone anyway!

My Mom used to stand on a chair so she was as tall or taller then my brothers (I have 4) but no matter what only one of my siblings (my eldest sister) ever had the nerve to say no to my Mom and she still regrets it to this day and she is now in her 60's.

The daughter says no she wasn't going to stop, but when they got back into the restaurant did she stop?

NTA. Daughter HAS to learn there are consequences for her actions. If I had told me mom no it would have been one of the last things I ever said. It's not up to grandma to have a say in how OP punished HER kid. I say keep the phone away longer than a week.

Someone else came up with the idea of making Mia research other cultures (especially the culture Dudley's friend is from),which I really like. As a non American, I see so much ignorance from Americans about other cultures and countries, so expanding Mia's horizons is a good idea.

OP did this the nice way. My mom woulda chewed me out in the middle of the restaurant if I did what Mia did.

I took my son out of a restaurant around the age of 3, he totally straightened up that day.

If daughter does end up apologizing don’t give back the phone . Gives wrong idea

Its racism too

NTA! Taking her phone away is one of the few punishments you can give her that will actually get her attention. Use it sparingly but apply when necessary. I feel in this case it was needed.

OP is for sure NTA here for taking daughter's phone. This 12 year old girl's behaviour was harassment, and quite frankly racist and Gramma shouldn't feel okay with advocating for the return of the phone. Red freaking flag. I agree, Dusty, that kiddo should have been whisked out of there without anyone finishing their meals after she she sassed a parent like that. This isn't a Mean Girl Phase - that's not really something that exists if a child is raised around empathy and compassion. It doesn't get to grow legs if it is addressed quickly. At this age, at 12, this behaviour is mirroring someone else and I would question if it was someone else at the table. She was obviously trying to get someone to laugh at her cutting remarks. Who was it? And why is 12 year old so comfortable behaving in such an appalling way in front of her parent(s)?

Totally agree with the top commenter. Tell Mom to mhob.

If taking her phone away is too harsh, I have no idea how myself and the kiddos around my age and older who grew up when having a word processor in the house impressed people survived to become adults.

Oh, the way I would have opened a god dang can if my kid said no to me like that. Absolutely not! My response if my son ever said that to me? Eff the meal, we're going home right now and I'm gonna be laughing aaaaaall the way cuz its hilarious my kid ever had the balls to talk to me like that. I grew you sweet cheeks, and you about to learn they don't call me momma BEAR for nothin

That was exactly right consequence for her behavior. I see the need for tweens and teens need a phone but you can buy them a dumb phone without internet/social media connection.

I mean.. I assume we’re close in age.. If I displayed a complete disregard for a guests culture, and then when told to stop all I said was “No”. The he phone would be the least of my concerns. I know parents don’t utilize corporal punishment anymore… But I would have gotten my butt tanned, and lost my most prized possession (books) until I gave a written, heartfelt apology.

I kind of agree with the grandmother, but hear me out. For her to bully her own family and say "no" like that, I don't think taking her phone will do much. It makes me wonder if the parents kept letting her get away from this for too long or if she's been bullying other people (ie her peers). ESH imo, but only because I wish OP and her husband did worse than take her phone.

If the behavior continues, no new clothes, shoes, etc. Everything from thrift stores, etc. Personally, I love thrifting, but I have a feeling this girl is used to "keeping up with the Jones'" and so feels like she is better than other people, so thrifting, to her, would cause necessary pain.

Maybe with all that time freed up by not having a phone, she can research the clothes she was making fun of, where it comes from, similarities/differences etc etc. then have to tell her parents what she learned. Maybe she’ll learn a little acceptance of other cultures.

Nta. You are the parent, not her. Take the computer And laptop too!!!!! Take no shit now!!!

💚

Taking her back into the restaraunt was the wrong move. She told you no. Dusty is right. I would never tell my mother no. Nta there is a more serious issue here.

Im of the mind set that the punishment should fit the crime. She'll get the phone back after the gives a presentation to the family about the traditional clothing and the culture that she sat there and made fun of relentlessly. If she does it within 3-5 with satisfactory results that research period she's allowed to use the internet. After that we're going to the library. Checking out books and you know i want mla format lol

I couldn't listen to the story with the piece of paper on your head. I had to move it forward to know if you kept it on your head the whole time to be able to listen to the story again concentrated.😃

The daughter did nothing wrong. If anything she should be rewarded for trying to get this kid to dress normally. Maybe Her tact and it needs a little work but she is only thirteen.

NTA, why do some parents become soft as baby shit as soon as they become grandparents.