The Mom isn't the manipulative one here, it's the MIL you need to uninvite

And OP will spend the rest of her life catering to MIL’s manipulative ways

I'm trying to figure out exactly where/how OP's mom is bad in any way. How does OP NOT see what future MIL is doing?

If OP doesn’t see that MIL is the problem and not her mother she will spend the rest of her life as her puppet.

Uh excuse me, Jake’s dad is who embarrassed future MiL. NOT OPs MOM!!!

OP is a massive people pleaser. Uninvite your mil. She’s trouble and Jake doesn’t see the problem that is his mom. Ergo, she’s going to control your life if OP does not set boundaries, FIRM BOUNDARIES! Good luck!

Op is a little naive and so is OPs boyfriend. Mil is highly manipulative.

MIL shouldn't be there. She's the issue

What has op’s mom done to deserve such an awful daughter like op 😭. You pocket moms money and only offer the dress shopping experience then take that away and send a bill, siding and choosing mil every step of the way. You didn’t even stand up for her with the fb post, dil did. Op yta. Your mom should take her money back and go nc with you

MIL was a weddingplaner, she knew da**well, what she was doing, steeling a important moment from the Mom. MIL is tah. OP is worse, she is not very smart and has no sence of loyalty. Very dissapointing

MIL and the daughter are the AH here. Poor mom.

OP and the MIL are huge AHs! How does the OP not see this?! She’s going to ruin so many relationships if she tells her mom not to come. She’s going to have a heck of a time if/when they have kids. 😬

100% the AH! And if you conform to this request, you are opening yourself up to having to conform to any and everything else she may be uncomfortable with within your marriage. Lay down the law or walk away.

Noooo! I need the update! What happened?!?!? It sounds like OP comes from a nice, normal family. She's never been exposed to toxic people who will purposely and willingly manipulate people to suit their whims and desires. She needs to learn to draw boundaries, AND FAST, and she DEFINITELY owes her mama a MASSIVE apology!!!!!

MIL is a manipulative narcissist. Jake is under control- probably taking the place of a husband- you need to snap out of it. She will ruin the wedding and your marriage- this a red flag. This isn’t going to stop once you’re married- what about kids? This is going to keep going unless you put a stop to it.

OPs mom deserves better! I'm happy the ex is responsible enough to see how is ex was wronged and speak up. Major while flags for all the dads.

The future MIL should be the one not invited to the wedding.

Dad is fire 🔥

The whole family to one person. You are showing you is important in your life.

Ugh, this mother-in-law is next level manipulative.

“My mom paid for the wedding venue AND my dress and has always loved and supported me. My MIL manipulated me into dress shopping without my mom, launched a smear campaign against her on Facebook, blamed her own mental breakdown on her, and promised to make a HUGE scene complete with EMS on site at my wedding if she even SEES my mom. Her ex husband (who she cheated on) AND my entire family say she’s manipulating me. I’m torn because my mom’s love is unconditional, while MIL’s is fully conditional on being allowed to replace my mom. WIBTA if I cater to this terrorist and treat my mom like she’s expendable? I mean, she’s already been robbed of wedding dress shopping and planning with me, at this point is it that much to take my entire wedding from her too on account of her NOT making my wedding all about her?”

This couple needs to step back and figure some things out before this wedding. OP and fiancé both need to be able to see what MIL is and get on the same page about how they will interact with her moving forward. The wedding is just the beginning of a nightmare future if they give in to MIL now

She’s demonizing her mom and is wrong. She basically doesn’t want to admit that MIL was taking that moment from her mom bc she was complicit in it.

I like OP's mom and the dads. They should all go on a tropical vacation and lay on a beach during the wedding.

OP, take this as the rather bold warning sign that it is that FMIL plans on running not just the wedding, but your married life as well. Right up until you went dress shopping everything was fine, but this is a serious red flag that FMIL intends to involve herself in every aspect of your married life and your family be damned. UPDATE: OP, your FMIL's "panic attack" is nothing more than another control tactic to get her way. If you cater to her now, she will use this repeatedly in the future. Do you want to name your future children or do you want FMIL to name them? Do you want to decide where you live or do you want FMIL to decide for you? Every aspect of your married life will be under her control if you do this. So YES, you will be the a**hole if you uninvite your mother to your wedding!!! You can request both of them to simply stay away from each other. If FMIL chooses to cause a scene, that's on her and no one else.

my son went to a different state and married his high school sweetheart and didn't tell me until their first anniversary. talk about being hurt !!!! op don't take this away from your family. if mil has a problem with your mom then its her problem and not for you to solve. your fiance needs to go a pair and stand up to his mom and tell her to duck it up or don't go to the wedding. like they say...pain creates change. let her feel the pain she caused your mom.

MIL used to be a wedding planner she knew exactly what she was doing. MIL is the problem.

I'm hoping that there's another future update, because it feels like this saga is not quite over yet.

I wonder if OP actually wrote "perchance" instead of "penchant" or if Dusty just read it that way. Either way it gave me a giggle

The Bride to be is the brat! Her mom, has every right to be upset and disappointed. Who gave the $10,000.00 to the wedding? Mother of the Bride! hmmmm, sorry bride to be is very thoughtless. Mom, was disrespected by both her own daughter and the MIL.

Your MIL lied and tried to slander your mom (who is paying for your wedding), so you want to uninvite your mom? YTA 100%.

You could have said no to the dress shopping. MIL is controlling as heck. Tell her to step back and know her place!!

Never cater to crazy or manipulation

Hey @DustyThunder, the link you posted in the description goes to a different post, thought you should know.

She knows her mom might still love her but she know her MIL doesn’t have to so she’s catering to her

OP you need to get some counseling to learn to how overcome your people pleasing needs. That MIL is very dangerous, and someone you need to be very careful around. This is not going to be the first time something like this is going to happen. Also, what is going to happen when OP has kids?

Total manipulation she would be uninvited!!!

The link is to a different BOR updates, FYI. Also a goodie, but just to let you know.

Aw hell naaaaah There is nothing in this life that could, 1, make me go even window shop for wedding attire without my mom, or 2, consider removing her from my wedding if she has been supportive and respectful towards my partner. MIL would be catching hands from trying to lie about my mom and make her look bad. OP and her MIL are both Class 1 AH

MIL is taking over and needs to know her boundaries. Someone should point out everything to op like her partner of MIL tries anything I'd uninvited her or have her assorted out of the place.

I think OP might be catering to MIL because MIL was made the wedding coordinator.

Her mother didn't humiliate the MIL. MIL's ex husband humiliated her.

Op is spineless. Shes gonna cater to the drama queen

I have to know how this one ends.

OP is Ascon 1 for me. Victim blamers are the worst to me.

OP YWBTA. If anything your future MIL needs to stay at home or the ward if she feels so fragile. And if your future husband cant understands what is acutely happening then ya need to rethink having to be with this family. Imagine having kids with him. And they are worse in the future you would be stuck with that family forever!

Hold up....... Future mother in law Is a wedding planner and doesn't know she shouldn't purchase a dress without her mom present .......... 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

MIL is a narcissist.

Elopement may be the only solution. Pi$$ everyone off and get the wedding over with. At the moment OP is the AH. .

OP mom did nothing wrong. I feel so bad for her

Was there an update? There's no way that should have been in best of redditors updates if there wasn't some closure on who if anybody wasn't invited or the fall out from it all 🤷

YTA, mil & your fiancé are TAs too. Your mother never humiliated her. You can’t be serious ….

MIL is absolutely a POS for this stunt. Totally stole the Moms experience with OP. OP should have said no knowing her Mom wanted to share this moment. And MIL sending Mom the bill after robbing her of that moment? Biggest slap in the face ever. FIL...great guy! Shut MIL down! OP needs to grow a backbone, she needs to tell MIL that she is invited if she chooses not to come that is on her. And hubby to be...SMH...he needs a therapist. OP might need to take off for a few days alone, turn off her phone and take a look at her potential future with hubby-to-be and his toxic ass mother.

ACCUSED her of stealing the experience. That is what MIL f-ing did. Grow a damn spine OP. Plan your own wedding or she will run your inter life

Oh lord you let your mil manipulate you and your mother was left out. As a mother I'd be hurt this happen. My daughter hurt me and got married with our me, in a different state, and so did my son. I missed both because they couldn't wait or take the time to plan it out. So many reservations on it but what I'm trying to say, op, get you a back bone or this will cost you your mother. You are so in the wrong.

Yes OP would be the AH if she doesn't that. MIL is the issue. Major manipulator. She's trying to take over OP from her mother. Mom had the right to buy the dress since that was the plan, and MIL DFINITELY stole that experience from Mom. OP is a bit of an AH though for going into the bridal shop with MIL when she'd planned to go with Mom. OP is encouraging that behavior. Mom had every right to blast MIL. I love Jake's dad! MIL needs to be the one to not be invited. If OP does that she's a POS and a terrible daughter.

Everyone in that story sucks....

🖤🤎💜

I’m looking forward to the update

OP needs ro stop brown-nosing. She's so focused on sucking up to MIL because she thinks that will make her life easier after she's married, and she is so wrong. OP isn't smart enough to play mainpulative games, otherwise she'd recognize MIL for what she is. OP doesn't understand a bad deal, in that potentially cutting ties with her own family to potentially win favor with MIL is far too high of a price to pay for the pittance she "might" get. She can't even be sure if she'd get what she wanted. No good deal involves a "maybe." I suspect OP's family has made life easier for her because they know she's a little slow. OP hasn't realized this and so honestly thinks she makes good choices in life. This undeserved self-confidence is about to implode her life. I don't think there is any way to get through to OP. She simply isn't smart enough to figure it out ahead of time. She may be doomed to always learn things the hard way. I feel sorry for OP's family. It must be like watching a train wreck after telling the conductor to switch tracks 10 miles back.

Op WHY are you siding with MIL on this?!? SHE'S the one who started the drama & lied online to make your mom look worse for reacting the way that she did. MIL should be uninvited.