My third place saved my life in middle school. I was severely bullied in school and after school, I would go to the library for 3 hours to wait for my parents to get out of work. There I made amazing friends my age, I was cool and accepted. Whenever I had a bad day in school, I knew I had friends waiting for me at the library who loved and wanted to spend time with me. It was completely essential for me and I will always remember how it saved me.

I remember feeling jealous when i watch cartoons and shows where the kids would just walk to the mall. I would think "wow, i wish i could just walk somewhere and not ask my mom to go there with a car"

For me, third places are inherently noncommercial: a place where a person could, in theory, spend time without spending money. I know the official definition does include places like bars or coffee shops, but to me, third places mostly include e.g. libraries, parks and study spaces at a university, like (in my very personal experience) a student organization’s break room.

Our generation definitely needs a 3rd place but we have to work so much 😩

Growing up in a very “the mall is your third place” capitalist culture made me hate the idea of third places that you have to pay for. It felt like you have to purchase friends. I was raised poor, but all around me socializing could only be bought with money. Shopping, the movies, restaurants, cafes or bars. If you didn’t have extra cash, you couldn’t come, and if you stopped coming, after a while you lost all your friends. Hanging out at each others homes would have helped, but somehow that was never okay. You couldn’t because their families were there. Later, cause their roommates were there. Even later, because their significant other is there. Basically everyone lived with someone because nobody could afford to live alone. And because they were always around whomever they lived with, they always want to go “out” and get a break. And that included you. So finally as an adult in Los Angeles I took control of my own narrative and established a routine of outdoor third places. Both by myself and whenever I hung out with friends. Hiking in the park or walking/ swimming/ biking along the beach. Sometimes food might be included but it didn’t have to be. It was a chance to talk, get fresh air, be outside, be friendly to strangers, and even exercise. After a few years everyone thought of hiking when they thought of me and I couldn’t have been happier about that. Now, no matter what city I’m living in, I establish similar routines right away. It might not work for everyone or every season depending but I like it.

I think one of the arguments for 3rd spaces is that there should be more *free* 3rd spaces, like local libraries and such. I can always afford a coffee shop, but I do still want a public place like this to relax, connect with friends, etc. that being said, I do miss places like Borders cause you could literally just explore the books and I didn’t feel a need to buy anything. I wasn’t a mall person, but it was a place you could do the same thing, hang out with friends and not have to actually buy anything; and our parents would drop us off and let us wander for a few hours

I very much appreciate this video, but I'm incredibly disappointed that it was never once mentioned WHY there are no more third places. It's not an accident or a coincidence that they've all disappeared. That article showing Mayor Eric Adams shutting down libraries in NYC at the beginning of the video is just the latest instance of a trend that goes back to the Reagan administration. Third places were super important to the spread of the civil rights movement as well as the anti-war/anti-capitalist counterculture. Our government has been very intentionally defunding and systematically destroying third places for decades. It's the same reason why loitering is considered a crime, the very act of existing without spending money can land you in jail. Corporations don't want you hanging out anywhere they can't make a profit off you, and the government doesn't want you spending time anywhere you could potentially be organizing for more civil rights. If we want more third places we need to fight back against the powers that are working to get rid of them.

"There is no charm in my hometown" goes hard as a midwest emo lyric.

Research shows that third places are linked to preventing children from ending up with substance abuse issues or in trouble with the law, in prison etc. if a child / teen has somewhere to go where they feel accepted, safe and welcome, they don't seek that validation from some punks in the streets or online trolls. This is so important to have these places.

"Introvert but not a homebody." I love this!!! I feel like you've put into words something I've been trying to pin down about myself for a long time.

Commenting to say that if you have a local library in your town/city, check out what kind of programs and events they offer! Librarians typically work really hard to try to provide engaging and enjoyable resources, events, and clubs to the community and they’ll welcome you with open arms. I’m a library worker and I wish more people knew just how much libraries have to offer. AND ITS FREE!!!

What's hard for me is that so many "third places" require you to buy something. I have such a small income so I often pass on going somewhere else, though I want to. I know I'm also more likely to cave and buy something it's around me. It's actually a miracle libraries don't sell anything, not even tea, and I'm so grateful for that. But I find I don't go there a lot as a third place.

I feel like one of the reasons why the transition from college to working life is hard is because you go from being in a “3-in-1” environment with friends always in close vicinity to going back and forth between your first and second place. Or simply just being stuck in your first place due to the pandemic.

“It feels like a waste to go to Starbucks when you could be supporting a small business” 📢📢📢 “I am an introvert but I am not a homebody” oh you’re preaching in this one Your friends writers group sounds kinda like the meetup group I started hosting. Each month we meet somewhere different but the group has regulars and some new faces each time. It’s refreshing.

sadly a lot of places don't allow them to be used as "third places." the only chairs at our library are in a cafe and there's signs on the table saying the tables are for paying cafe patrons only. i bought a tea one time to sit and wait for my mom and it cost me $4 and some change. a lot of coffee shops don't allow you to sit for long periods of time anymore either. i remember in high school we had a small bible study group of girls meet at a local coffee shop every wednesday night. we'd all buy coffee and go sit and talk for maybe an hour at the most. there were five of us tops and we wouldn't take up much room but were told we couldn't "loiter" anymore.

It would help if everything wasn't so expensive even a coffee shop can cost someone $10. Plus things close so early

Walkable streets covered in trees and large awnings, heated bus stops, skyways, underground subways, vintage gas lamps, large malls, libraries, parks, coffee shops, ymca gyms, community gardens, vintage night time diners, places open 24/7......this is what makes places like NYC, philly and chicago and other bigger cities so amazing and appealing to suburbanites.....

A third place that doesn’t require a membership…. Nowhere to be found Edit: a good 3rd place is finding a volunteering group that relates to ur interests! It’s usually free and there’s something for everyone. If you are more introverted you can just do your tasks alongside everyone else, if you are extroverted you can chat up w everyone there ❤

My third place is the library, cafe, and bookstores. Usually I'm there with my sister and a book. I'm also an introvert but not a homebody.

Third places are so necessary, as someone who has only lived in rural/semi-rural areas, there's not much I can really do here. No places I can walk to and no sidewalk to even walk on lol (barely any proper public transportation either). I'm planning on moving to the city/a busier town so I can have more third places to go to. :))

i started going to the climbing gym and it helps a little bit with my sad feelings. the community is really great. having a place like this is so important!

realizing now how i never really had a genuine third space as a kid, my mom or my grandparents took me everywhere and i wasn’t ever able to leave their sight for a moment. my grandma has the tendency to watch a lot of crime shows which gave her and my mom the idea that it’s not safe for me to be on my own (we live in one of the most safe and well off areas in our state by the way so that’s just bullshit lmaoo). now at college, i’m slowly gaining autonomy and realizing it’s ok to go to the library or sit in the park and nothing is going to happen to me. my dad always lamented about how he and the other neighborhood kids would just roam the streets all day and it always sounded unreal to me, id only ever seen that kind of thing in cartoons before.

Growing up, the skatepark was our third place, a sketchy one but it kept me out of the most prevalent third place for boys: gaming. Now I’m in my mid twennies it’s working the community garden, pull-up bars and basketball courts. All are free and encourage chat and interaction which is crucial here in London where people tend to be closed off by default.

I never had third places as a kid and going out to chill on my own or overall wasn't really a thing for me. It's always been home to school back to home and occasionally, church. Now I'm 21, lying in my room all day, every day.

Not being a homebody while being introverted really resonated with me, I’ve always felt like I should be a homebody but I get wildly stir crazy. And all I need is a walk to the library, thankfully now I’ve found an apartment, and can drain my social battery just by being present and near others. Wonderfully affirming, thank you, I think I’ll take a walk looking for a third place now, great video!

Love that more people are bringing awareness to this. I always wonder how many people who may suffer from loneliness/depression find comfort in learning that it might not be them but possibly a side effect of their built environment.

for me personally, my third place is being in a discord call and playing games with my online friends. when i'm in a call with them i dont feel lonely and it's fun and engaging

List of third places (please comment with more suggestions below!!): -dog park -library -book, knitting club -running groups -recreational sports league -trivia nights/groups -climbing gym or fitness classes -working a side job (I teach art classes, there's also babysitting, or working somewhere with fun interactions) -civic centers/rec department events

I found out recently that this is what they're called now. We always called them "hangouts". I feel blessed to live in a tiny rural New Hampshire town where I hang out with friends every weekend. We do girls night out every weekend, except it's girls early evening out and people who see us might think we're a bunch of goofy hillbillies, but we're a bunch of HAPPY goofy hillbillies who have friendship and enjoy hanging out with each other. That's also why after graduating from Dartmouth I moved back home, I love my town and the fact we have community. My house sometimes is a "third place" when I invite people over for a dinner I cooked (family and friends) because I want to integrate both groups of very important to me people.

i just wanna have a place i can go to that is not my family´s house or school 😭

yes! there are differences between being an introvert, homebody, shyness, anxiety, antisocial, and asocial but people keep grouping them together. like there are shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. the verts are about how often you engage or disengage to 'rest'

Next you’re gonna tell me I need “friends”

This is why Britain and Ireland have pubs. It devastates a small village to lose its pub because it means everyone in the whole village has lost their third place.

Really love the framing of a friend's place as a third place

not this being delivered exactly when i needed it

I'm trying to make a third place by hosting a jam session in my home town. Jam sessions and drum circles are so fun! Folk music is a beautiful tradition and it's often free to attend.

I go to the library not my local one because few people go there but the biggest and closest one near me. Just putting that there if anyone wants ideas

my town has this cute little building they split in two, one side is a tea lounge & the other is a crystal shoppe. before that, all we had were cramped coffeehouses where you couldn't necessarily let your hair down

My local coffee shop is a 3rd place cottage core dream! Fairy lights, velvet sofas, boardgames, and monthly trivia nights. I'm a regular and have conversations with the baristas! I adore them! And the coffee always hits!

There’s 2 parks down the street from me - the daily walks & being able to talk with other locals makes me happy🥹

Some of the worst years of my life were when my day consisted of being bullied at school and going home to my mother at a time when anything would set her off. My third place was the walk between the two and it was never long enough

This is what "kids on bikes" used to do in the eighties. You would go to the mall, the park, the forest, the beach, the arcade...

My 3rd places in childhood: the beach, Church, and local library and parks My 3rd place in adulthood: my partner's and his family's homes, church ( virtually, of course), restaurants, and local parks. We do need a 3rd place, the moments where I was low mood wise, my 3rd space was unavailable to me for quite some time

I barely even have a 2nd place. I recently lost my job, and I don’t have my license so I constantly have to ask my mother to take me anywhere, on top of that I could walk (I love walking) but we live many km away from anything even remotely resembling a 2nd/3rd place. When I did have a job and I was able to go out more, my 3rd place often looked like the park beside the library, or the waterfall 20min drive away. I can relate to you how you grew up with next to zero freedom. Unfortunately I got so comfortable in that sense of security that I got stuck there. I’m currently digging myself out to freedom.

"I am an introvert but I am not a homebody" honestly, same. Though lately I became a bit more of a homebody 😅😩🙈 Another problem (a very crucial one IMO) is when the amount of "free" third spaces (parks, library, etc.) diminishes and the amount of "paid" third spaces (cafés, bars, etc.) increases, and along with that increase the "fee" (the price of the drinks, etc.) to those "paid" third places _increases_ as well 😒🙄🤦🏾 SMH late stage capitalism 🤦🏾🙈💀

In lockdown, the local skatepark became my third place. I met so many likeminded creative cool people, from all ages. It was amazing because we genuinely felt like a little community of peers, even with the age gaps. Obviously everyone's gone back to work and school now, so things changed, but I'll never forget how nice it was to be around a new group of friends during the most isolated time in our recent history.

Third places? Under capitalism? Shouldn't you be grinding to make someone ELSE rich? /bitter sarcasm

This video is blowing my mind. Truly. I never thought about this. Ever since college, having a third place (a regular go-to at least) slowly went away. I’m now reflecting, what would my third place be? I love coffee shops, especially at night. I’m in NYC now and there aren’t really any cozy coffee shops that stay open late. It’s sad!!

I feel like one of the reasons I'm such a homebody as an adult is because I wasn't really allowed to have a third place growing up. Most of my life was school and home. I would very rarely hang out with friends outside of those two places. I actually would get reprimanded if I tried to! It was like "oh, I asked to hang out with so-and-so last week, so I can't ask to hang out with friends this week." Which looking back was so strange! So my third place for freedom, like so many others in my generation, was the internet. MMO games, social media, online forums, etc! But since the internet world has also evolved as I grew up, my third places on the internet became less and less. I definitely feel the desire for more connectivity in my adulthood. Especially since my work life is not all that social. I also grew up with the idea of "we have that at home," "we can do that at home," "going out is a waste of money." So even as I was watching this video that idea came to mind. Like it would be such a waste of money to spend $6-$10 on a cup of coffee or tea on the daily at a coffee shop. So I thought of maybe going to a local park as a third place. But even then I'm sure I would hardly interact with anyone else at the park. I feel like I struggle a lot to interact with new people or with strangers without being connected to something...

I'm very much an introvert and have never had a "third place" of my own. I tend to not stay living in a place for very long so becoming a "regular" isn't easy for me. I'm usually broke so I can't afford to go out to any places that aren't free. I don't have any friends and don't know how to make any. I feel extremely uncomfortable going to these kinds of places alone. I hate it when random people I don't know talk to me and I can't make/allow myself to initiate conversations with strangers. I absolutely despise alcohol (so bars and clubs are out) and I'm not a big fan of coffee (so no coffee shops). I also don't like reading books so I'm not interested in libraries and bookstores. Also, some places are just too loud to be able to socialize well (such as bars and clubs) or most of the people there aren't interested in socializing (libraries and bookstores). So, what am I left with? Nothing that I can think of! Which sucks because I do get lonely sometimes.

“introvert but not a homebody” this!!! you explained it so well. it’s like a switch got flipped in my head.

My third place became the skate rink

I'm desperate to find a third place, don't add fire to my desperation. Oh God, I feel so hopeless I feel like my third place will never happen.

Glad I ran into your video! Felt like I was missing something since stopping to go to regular salsa class, and I now realize it was going to a 3rd place with people I appreciated. Kudos for raising awareness about it!

The sad thing about third places is that it's really hard to find more than a couple third places that don't involve spending a lot of money. Gyms need memberships, lattes cost ALOT some places. Local coffee shops and stuff like that are few and far between. Also like, existing alone going to a third place is dangerous, and like you mentioned in the video, lack of agency/autonomy.

This was gentle, informative and didn't feel like watching an extended tiktok video (which so many video essays now feel like, constantly 'needing' to keep me engaged). Plus it really made me think. Favourite bit of content I've viewed in a while.

I feel loneliest at night, on weekends when I have no plans. Sometimes I just want to be around other people, but I don't want to go to a restaurant or a pub. It'd be nice to have more third spaces during the evening.

Yes, at the moment my third place is nursing school. Sounds crazy, but it's where I get to socialize the most and I really enjoy my classmates ❤

Thanks for talking about this! It’s such an important topic. Especially your commentary on the bland commercialized coffee shops 😭 Some other aspects of Oldenburg’s definition of a third places that I think are important to highlight (I know you briefly mentioned being a regular at a place later in the video but not in the initial def) are no/low barrier of cost (cheap or free), a neutral ground to meet where status is not important, and place to run into ‘familiar strangers.’ Yes, third places are a place to hang out and exchange ideas, it’s also somewhere you run into the same people but have not actually met or talked to- similar to your comment for being an introvert but not a homebody!

I'm not your most loyal viewer but every now and than you pop up on my feed and your video essays are always a breath of fresh air. keep it up amanda

I really needed this video, ive been isolating myself from third spaces lately out of feeling socially anxious but it's been taking a toll on me. think im going to start going to the library and a local open mic again! thank you for this!

Here's where i stumble I can be at a 3rd space like central perk. But then not interact with anyone. I feel intrusive if i ask how someones day is. Or ask what book they are reading. Self doubt rushes in "why would anyone want to talk with me?". So i sit and read and leave not talking to anyone besides the barista. Yes i left my house but what good is it to change space for the same activity.

to me, you are radiating so much positivity, i just discovered your channel and i really enjoyed listening to what you had to say ✨🦋

I love the point about being an introvert without being a homebody. I can definitely relate to that. Great subject!

A good third place doesn't cost anything (or much) to hang out in and doesn't have a timer for how long you're welcome there. Most suggested third places either have a requirement to purchase one of their costly products or would have me kick out for loitering if i stayed too long.

Learned about this from Not Just Bikes, Realized anything around me I would have to drive too. So excited to be moving to an area with decent shoppes around it that are walking distance

Third places have always been very rare occurrences in my life. I don’t necessarily want to be a home body, but have never found a consistent place that I can just go to.

Home, work, school, gym that’s enough for me 😅

I live in a dead space. The most accessible third spaces are the local church school’s cemetery or the completely vacant and decrepit parks for children. There are no indoor third spaces (aside from bars) within a 3 mile radius. Walking or biking here is a death wish, as we’re surrounded by roads that people usually drive 55 mph on. There is no public transportation. And the infrastructure is so horrible I’d rather stay home and be lonely than have to drive on the scariest roads to a third space. It’s like the government is really trying to induce loneliness…

I can’t speak for everyone here, but doing improv is a great third place! If you’re up for some fun (and not too nervous) hit up an improv jam!

A little Internet cafe in my city has no phone signal and plays 2000s Indie music and lovely staff. It’s so nice

My childhood and current third place is the public library in my hometown. My town really values it, so there's always events, lots of clubs meet there, the top floor has a ton of games you can play, and its almost always open

i am an introvert and unfortunately quite the homebody. i was always sort of like this, but the pandemic exponentially amplified the "homebody" part. and now, four years after i began my descent into homebody olympics, i'm finding it really difficult to even leave my house enough to develop third spaces and integrate into my local communities. it sort of helps to think of myself as a zoo animal who requires deliberate enrichment - that at least makes me take the scenic route home and wander into new places a bit more. i take dirty dishes out of my room bc i think about how sims have their day ruined by a single dirty cup nearby. but i can't seem to find the right way to frame it to get me more invested in seeking out community. it may sound silly to some, but i really benefit from that sort of perspective. i need a way to think of Community and Leaving My Home as fundamental human needs, which i must prioritize over spending another few hours watching youtube videos in the comfort of my own bed. so, genuinely asking, does anyone here have advice for that?

In my early 20s, I would hang out at an internet cafe & order delicious oversized coffee. I loved that neighborhood pocket so much, I ended up moving into a lil studio nearby. The area had so much personality & lots of art galleries opened up. I had an awesome time living there. Life happened & a family became very sick & I moved away. But i fondly remember having my 3rd place. And even 4th, since I ended up meeting a dear friend who had a large living & we would hang all the time. I wish everyone finds sweet 3rd places. 🦋🌿

Thank you so much for your video. I feel like you've put into words a feeling I struggled so much to recognise

I’m honestly hard-pressed to find opinions, thoughts and perspectives that I haven’t considered at some point in my life in today’s world. This video was a breath of fresh air.

This is so real and If we had more 3rd places, places like target and McDonald’s wouldn’t be so constantly packed where I’m from, people would be able to spread out and hang out in comfortable places and not just opt to go to big brand stores “for fun”.

About Starbucks becoming less of a 3rd place - in NYC, no one wants you to spend time in a Starbucks. The bathrooms are locked, the tables heavily touched. You're better off at Jackson McNally anyway, even if there are fewer places to sit. Appreciate this video, as someone who grew up on the rural edge of encroaching suburbia whose third place was the woods until I was able to drive a car.

This is insightful. The immense difference there is to even think about what can be my possible third places already puts me in a good mood. I never even had an idea of this third place concept and to explore and contemplate who to visit those third places is so exciting as well as relaxing. Thank you for explaining this to the finest detail and I appreciate you sharing your own story.

This was so wonderfully narrated that I must subscribe. You have an incredibly soothing vibe

I think that in order for a third space to occur the ideal environment would have not for profit spaces. I have a wine liquor store where i go to vibe. Even if i don't drink, i sometimes will go to read and talk to other regulars and the owner and workers there are all for it. Problem is the rent. Big cities have expensive real estate and i know those guys are barely making ends meet. Other places I've found a third space are illegal raves but u are still paying a fee to enter in that case. I feel like there needs ro be more libraries and parks that are open late or essentially some sort of club house, but donors to keep such a place open are thinning out in this day and age.

Literally was searching on KZfaq for an hour clicked on this so fast thank you for saving me

I like the way you organize your thoughts and deliver your point. Great job!

Thank you for this. Your closing remarks about attending writers groups and how even a friends house can be considered a third place really made me look up and realise how blessed I am in my own life as someone who (at least from what I've heard in this video) seems to have a very similar kind of situation to you. I'm gonna make an effort in the future to attend more "third place" type gatherings and to actively try to talk to new people. Thanks!

Your vocabulary is amazing! It's obvious you're well read.

im a christian so many of my 3rd places are around the fact that i am, and honestly, is very cool to meet ppl w my same beliefs but also just hanging out (not only church, i also have friends who i volunteer with, etc) but also just knowing that there rlly is not a ‘purpose’ or a profit by meeting but just being w eachother! if any of u are christian or just curious i would recommend looking up if your college has a RUF club (there’s bible studies, movie and book clubs, and just having lunch together)

Love this and I've sent this to so many of my friends because everyone believes that we need to move out to Suburbia for a better life - everyone just ends up reliant on cars and it makes me sad for kids being hostages until they have licenses

My third space is the nature park near my house, It helps me to remove all negativity in my mind, and has helped me a few times when I was going through some rough things in my life, I can always go there not feeling judged, and it just feels comfy to me knowing I can lay in a patch of grass and stare into the sky with a close friend, just talking about life and hanging out

I like how everyone is talking about the places now. Local coffee shops and public libraries where they know your name are it for me. Writer's Block Cafe in Anchorage, Alaska is awesome.

I normally go to my job, and the gym for third places, but this video really inspired me to go to more third places more often

My third place was the public library, where I spent countless hours browsing books, playing Yu-gi-oh cards with friends, and doing my homework. Looking back, the public library saved my life because it introduced me to many books that liberated my consciousness and made me aware that there are so many books on shelves, but nobody reads them.

Beautiful voice. Beautiful writing. subscribed!

Can we pls bring back the library!!!!

I love how illustrative you speak. Really paints the picture

Thanks so much for this. I've recently been feeling quite insecure about my social life or about going to my third/second place alone cause someone I know kept on asking me if I really had friends if I'm always going there alone. But I'm an outdoorsy introvert and I enjoy going out cause I know I'll meet people I know there and hang out or study (which makes it kind of a second place but I digress) and this really brings me comfort. I also didn't have that many friends growing up (albeit I was comfortable and content) and thanks for reminding me that there's nothing wrong with that. In short, Thanks for your content - it's really relatable + comforting :3

Let's make a list of third place ideas in the comments

the easiest way to make and find third spaces is to reclaim as much of your time as possible. a lot of gen z are adilts now, so we have some free time if we can find it. making use of that free time by prioritizing the ability to be and do things you enjoy in the real world. maybe you only have that one hour in one week, could you ask your friends for help to make easier for you to come the next week? If you can grocery shop with your friends or someone else can handle that run for you, thats time you save that can be spent just being in community. apply that to everything in your life. would it be easier for you next week if you had a ride? childcare? is there something during the week that could be done to free you for the time you could spend in a third place?

this video felt like an awakening i was looking for in social media for so long! this conversation is super important and i'm glad the need for human interactions is increasing and we're a bit less centered on productivity and capitalism ways

Thanks for an inspiring video! My head is buzzing with ideas to talk about coming from urban planning background and having experienced life in Helsinki, Wuhan and Nairobi, and the differences between third places in these three cities!

anywhere you're expected to buy something and it's not normal to talk to strangers is NOT a 3rd place.