Knowing now that standing near the ledge gives the conductors anxiety, I will never wait near the ledge again

I was on the J line one night and someone jumped on the track and the operator went bonkers because that’s the second person he hit and was back on the job for about 3 months after taking some time off for therapy, he was heartbroken and said that he can’t do that job anymore, I really felt for the guy.

PLATFORM. SCREEN. DOORS. Save the lives of riders and our subway operators' wellbeing.

The camera person saying “if you want me to stop filming let me know” while she was crying made me cry, that’s real compassion for another person instead of just trying to get the story

ridership is down 90% and theres still the same amount of suicides... thats horrifying

Logically there's no way, even if the operators put the breaks on, the momentum of the train would not stop in time. Those people are goners, it's very sad..... It is NOT the operator's fault at all not even a smidge.

A friend of mine trained to be a train driver here in the UK, he was told during training not to make eye contact with anyone who is about to jump as they very often are looking at the driver and often mouth the words “sorry” before jumping. This information still haunts me every time I think of it 💔

Bruh anyone who doesn’t live in the city knows how scary that ledge is

Years ago a saw a documentary on homeless people. They interviewed one man, and he was a motorman who hit somebody with the train. Apparently he couldn't cope. He ended up homeless. That was the first time I even thought about what the would be like, and how traumatizing it could be.

I have taken the subway since middle school to get to school and not once have I gave much thought about the kind of lives these operators live. My respect goes to these essential workers, and a big thank you for always getting me to where I need to be.

This sucks these people living our worst nightmares, taking a life with no fault of your own yet you still live with that guilt. I hope that they all get better but I know that's a simple wish that we could all do and it would really go away.

That operator saying “I can’t wait until I retire in 2 years” just broke me

My dad walked in front of a train. I've thought about the operator since, wanted to reach out but don't want to cross a line. Now I have more certainty of the traumatic consequences, and am so sorry.

Imagine hitting a person on the first day... That would suck for life...

The other day I saw the aftermath of someone getting hit by a train. The part that has haunted me ever since wasn't even the gruesome scene, it was the operator's face as he stepped out of the train. The second he got on the platform, his legs gave out and the officers guiding him were the only things holding him up. I can't even imagine what that was like for him. Sometimes it is an accident, a fall, but sometimes it is more. If you're ever feeling so overwhelmed or depressed or anything that you view jumping in front of a train as a viable option, please get help. There's so much more waiting for you, and whatever you are feeling currently is only temporary, even if that is impossible to believe in the moment. There's only one way to find out for sure.

EVERYONE PLS TAKE THIS ADVICE *DO NOT STAND NEAR THAT PLATFORM PLS*

It really is a fascinating topic. There is absolutely nothing the train operator could do to prevent the death. They didn't cause it, and they had no way to stop the train in time. Yet they bear the guilt for it, because they feel responsible for a human life. Even if it was a suicide, they feel like they should have done something, even though there was nothing they could have done. Whatever they are paid, it probably isn't enough for the mental anguish they must endure. You also have to wonder if this job will even exist in the future. After all, if self driving cars and trucks are in the works, can self driving trains be far behind?

So sad and they look like they’re in real turmoil. But it’s NOT their fault.

As a truck driver I've hit alot of animals over the years and in 2 million miles driving a semi I've seen alot of horrific accidents that I cant unsee and it really puts it into perspective how fragile we human beings truly are!

I am a MTA train operator on the A line and it is very scary to see how close people are to the tracks. One simple mistake can turn into a tragedy. I almost encountered one but i'm glad I didn't

A year ago in NYC I was minding my business on the platform at Union Square. The train came into the station fast and a woman immediately screamed super loud and the train stopped soon after that 3/4 into the station. You can imagine the commotion and confusion. I rolled up my sleeves ready to help, I thought this was my calling, I thought I was strong. I went near the epicenter of the panic and this woman frantically screamed and pointed at the gap between the train and the platform. I ran and told the train operator to stop and that someone was down there and I will never forget his face, which showed that this for him was just another day of routine, he was tired and sighed in frustration as he put the brakes on his train. I looked for this “thing” under the train and thats when I saw a human unable to decipher whether a man or a woman, fighting for his life. Imagine a fish out of water. His/hers legs were gone after the knees downwards. No legs, I could see the insides, just like in the movies. I thought i could help and immediately went into my first panic attack. That day changed me forever. Everything was put into perspective. Never complain about another train delay. Never take your life for granted.

The people that commit suicide unfortunately don’t see another way out of their pain. Sad. Feel sorry for these train operators

My grandpa operated freight trains for his whole life and once didnt have time to stop when there was a car on the tracks with the people still in it, and that was 15 years ago and it still bothers him to this day.. But in this case, if your gonna kill yourself dont do it like this... then your taking your own life but also scaring the operators life and making them live with the guilt forever even though there wasn't nothing they could do.

i feel deeply sorry for the drivers when they hit someone through no fault of their own and have to live with it.

Idc what people say, living in New York & actually running the city has to be the hardest job ever. I always had respect for them especially seeing what they deal with on a daily bases it’s crazy! The city should pay for counseling for individuals who had to deal with the trauma of death while on the the job.

MTA please continue supporting the operators traumatized in this way.

The term shouldn’t be “hit someone” It should be “someone was on the tracks”

I paused at 6:47...that is the face of a strong woman right there, working through her trauma. Courageous.

LITERALLY EVERYTIME A FAMILY MEMBER OF MINES LEAVES THE APARTMENT (WE LIVE IN THE HEART OF NYC) I TELL THEM, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET AND *DON'T STAND TOO CLOSE TO THE PLATFORM* !!!!!! FRIENDLY REMINDER EVERYONE! Personally, In the height of my addiction I tried to partake in a 12-9 and someone got me out. I can't imagine the pain I would have caused if it happened. I'm better now, I want everyone to be okay too. Stay safe out here.

What a compassionate and intimate piece of film making. Beautifully edited. The operators we see are so generous and open in explaining their experience - it must have taken a long time to build that level of trust between them and the interviewer. I would love to know more about how the project came about and how long it took to make. Kudos to all, operators and documentarians both. An act of generosity in difficult times.

They should have put up barriers to prevent suicides decades ago. The fact that the difference between life and death on a platform is a step is ridiculous.

3 days ago I witnessed someone climb down onto the tracks on the london underground. He was calm, he just stood there looking at us. 2 seconds later the train hit him. I will never forget his face or the noise it made when the train hit him. I will never stand on the underground platform ever again.

I’ve had a fatality as a train operator in Philadelphia. It’s not a easy process to get some normalcy

I had 5 suicides with my train as a Motorman in 12 years. Been to over 4 dozen as a Supervisor in 25 years. i am retired and now i am numb to death. I feel nothing now.

I'm a subway driver in The Netherlands, and drive the trains with much passion. But a situation like this is always stuck in my head. It's sad. you want to feel ready for it to happen, but you can't be ready. Never. When I enter a busy station, I'll just drive really slow. So slow that I can stop at any moment. That helps

Can’t believe my friend, Pablo went through this. Literally one of the friendliest people on this very Earth. I give it to all who deal with this. Also thankful he’s doing well these days.

I briefly worked in an MTA medical office. I remember at the time being astonished by the sheer volume of MTA workers who needed help after witnessing suicides or being attacked by irate passengers. Whenever you see or interact with MTA workers, please please please be kind because you never know what they've been through on the job. They deserve a massive amount of respect and are truly the backbone of NYC.

Thank you for opening up about the mental aspect of a 12-9. I retired after 30 yrs of service as a bus operator for NYC Transit. Unless someone has walked in your shoes they will never understand what we go through, mentally, to do our jobs. I have a great deal of pride in knowing I did my best for 30 years, but things happen that you may relive every day, even after you’ve left the job the job may not leave you.

If you’re reading this just know that people love you.

I never stand near the edge at the BART station. Some nut could push you in front of the train. It happens.

My family friend took his life this way and left behind two young children.. the ripple effects are unimaginable.

*hugs to my co workers * A lot of people don't give this any thought, they're just concerned about getting where they need to go. The public doesn't think about us

i've always wondered how the operators feel. it's like people forget that there's somebody operating the trains and that they saw that person jump/on the tracks and tried their best to stop it before it hit them. that has to be incredibly traumatizing. thank you for this documentary

We should get the glass doors like in Japan and other countries.

I’ve seen people act like they going to jump in front of the train... dummies

Feel horrible for the people that has to endure that.

My cousin ended this way. Very soon after I found out my thoughts went to the train driver and my heart broke even more. So sad, we gotta keep pushing mental health to the fore and continue to find ways to help/deal with it.

I had 5 12-9s as a Motorman in 12 years. I was a Train Service Supervisor for 25 years and I responded to 37 Suicides. I once went to 3 on Thanksgiving day 1998. After time passes, I feel numb. I feel nothing. I just wanted to get Service restored for our customers, that's all my intentions were. I am glad i am retired, but I would still have had my entire career spent in New York City Transit Authority.

That poor girl she’s strong asf 😭

I heard a train operator once say that everyone who works this job will hit a person at least once in their career.. and they can’t do anything about it.

I never stand close to the edge of the platform for fear of falling. I'm very glad they did this doc.

We’re so preoccupied getting a spot in the car that we crowd too close to the platform and forget about the very real hazard of falling. Having to wait for the next train will always be preferable to losing your life, horrific injuries, and traumatizing the train operators (and bystanders) for life. I feel so bad for these train drivers and the guilt they feel. It’s not their fault at all but that level of trauma and ptsd... man.

I once witnessed someone pacing back & forth on a subway platform muttering to themselves, & I got the feeling that this wasn't going to end well. When they sat down w/their legs hanging over the platform, I knew then what they were planning to do...but thank God there was a supervisor that happened to be monitoring the cameras - she shut off the power to the tracks, & came down to the platform w/emergency personnel. She was able to get the person to go to the ambulance, & I hope that person was able to get the counseling & care that they needed. There was a tragedy avoided that day. I hope these operators never have to go through another 12-9 again.

I was sitting in a first car once, when this guy at the end of the platform jumped onto the track. He was killed. The evil part was that he tried to take a woman with him (a stranger standing near him on the platform). People should stand with their backs to the wall.

This was one of the major problematic situation in Seoul. Now we have a screen protector everywhere in order to prevent people to jump. Will help NYC too.

"There's no wrong emotion"? I would be worried if someone responded positively

Last year in the Bronx kings bridge stop ,the father with his young child jump unto the tracks. , the child miraculously survived..

I don’t understand why the city doesn’t install transparent walls with automatic doors that only open when the train comes. Would that be so impossible?

Sometimes when I was visiting NYC and was waiting for the subway I thought about jumping. I'm so sorry to the operators for even having the thought.

Warning ⚠️ s#%cide This brings a painful memory. I almost jumped in front of a train last year. I was hanging out with my cousins in NY getting ready to go to an exhibition about the kpop group BTS. I was at that point in a deep and scary part of depression. I just remembered just feeling so utterly numb that whole day. I wanted to be happy to hangout with the two people I love the most but my suicidal thoughts and emotions were off the charts. I remember just us waiting and waiting. I would stare at the tracks, my mind went foggy. I heard the train coming and my blood started flowing up my arms and legs as if they were ready to just leap. The train was already 60 feet away and my body was ready to just leap. It wasn’t until my cousin voice broke my state with her voice on how excited she was for us to be so close to seeing that exhibition together. Just that word _together_ broke me free. I don’t know why or how to explain it but it felt like I was actually wanted, just by that word. Its so hard just to explain fully that horrifying experience in words really. Overall, im glad i didn’t do it, now after watching this, i cannot believe how selfish I was thinking of about to jump. To those struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please get help. I know its hard. I have recently came out to my mother about these emotions this halloween. I thought she would brush it under the rug and that mindset has been haunting and holding me back for years but she did not. She understood my pain. There will be someone out there tha is ready to hold you and hear you. It is our part to take that step and together, you and that person(s) will figure it out. I believe in you. You are not alone :)

I prevented a 12-9 recently, i feel sorry anyone who have to witness one and the crews.

I just wanna give these train operators a hug right now :,,(

i witnessed a suicide, in a different way than them. but i deal with terrible PTSD and i carry so much guilt. like i could have done something to stop it. i was crying watching this because i relate so much. the night terrors, not wanting to leave your house, flashbacks all of it. it’s terrible. i pray for all of these people. it’s a terrible weight to carry. ❤️

Don't bring another human being into your suicide.

ive been suicidal since i was a child. theres a trolley station by my house and many times ive thought about stepping on the tracks when a trolley comes. this made me realize just how much my death can effect people even if i didnt know them. thank you so much for this, i know it mustve been hard

I am an MTA (CTA) worker I clean stations. IT'S A REALLY SERIOUS thing TO SEE A 12-9, it's sad scary experience I witnessed it one time, Queens Plaza Station , I turned around heard the Screech of the wheels of the train then all the screens of all the passengers waiting on the station. three cars were in the station after the emergency brakes were applied I will never forget it. as I write this it gives me the chills remembering it ..

I never even thought about something like this. Profound, yet an everyday job, moving thousands and thousands of citizens around the city. One operator at a time. Wow.

I worked on the railways in England and it really does depend on the person. Some accept straight away that they have done all they could and for whatever reason that person decided to end their life. Some sadly never go back to driving and it changes them. Each fatality is truly a unique experience and there is no "one size fits all" way to deal with them.

Whenever I heard about a train hitting a person, I've never thought about how the train operators would feel... It's definitely traumatizing :(

Was on the 6 today and dude survived after jumping on 77st. A bit eerie that this pops up on my recommended videos.

10:41 My guy only has one more year left before he can happily retire

It's so sad how this is affecting them so much and it truly wasn't their fault. I understand their pain. I would probably react the same way if I hit someone.

woah, yeah ... that's not something people can just "get over" right away. wish them all the best.

This is tragic, and it takes a lot of bravery for these operators to talk about their emotional scars. A couple years, while I didn't see firsthand but was facing the other direction, someone jumped in front of the E train at Jamaica station. I distinctly remember seeing 2 things that will stick for a while, 1) the blood stains on the front of the first car, and 2) a man on the platform who witnessed the collision and was immediately distraught and buried his head in his hands.

I can't imagine experiencing that. But the courage, and letting us watch, your journey of healing is remarkable.

this breaks my heart. i grew up in appleton and unforgivably we only have freight trains. in high school someone i knew had lost his cousin because he jumped on the tracks at the last minute…. it was so hard to watch him suffer in school. we weren’t close but i wore a “free hugs” shirt that week.

Ever since I was a little kid my father always told me to NEVER stand near the edge of the platform...never.

Essential workers deserve so much more in life especially when these things seem to be commonplace

Having to pay this much in therapy sounds far more expensive that retrofitting platform doors to me, not to mention the human cost.

A big thank you to everyone and please be safe! I thank all of the essential workers out there.

There is too much suffering in the world...

When I was living in New York, it always stressed me out to see people standing right at the edge of the platform, sticking their heads really far in to check if the train is coming. It's completely unnecessary. I've even seen someone SIT at the edge of the platform with their legs hanging over the train tracks. Just why??

Magnificent reporting. THANK YOU New Yorker.

Great documentary. Thanks for making this, highlighting an issue, and sharing the stories of these individuals

Its not their fault, they shouldn't feel bad, even though its understandable why they would. This is a good example of how commiting suicide can effect others badly, whether they know you or not, even though when you're so depressed you are suicidal, you can't usually see that.

I remember in high school a Chinese girl was very distraught and she went up the elevated level of the Astoria Train at Queensboro Plaza. She went to the rear of the platform where the train would be coming in really fast. Soon as the train entered the station she jumped right in front of the speeding train. I was sick for a month. The train motorman had to be given a sedative and was taken to hospital in a very hysterical state. When people jump in front of a train they destroy the lives of the train crew and sometimes they destroy the lives of the EMERGENCY RESPONDERS who have to remove the dead body parts. Now you have idiots who are pushing people on to the train tracks. I'm so glad that I left New York City over twenty years ago.

Thank you for sharing their story

This is the exact reason why back in my country (China), every single subway station platform has automatic doors (most of the time going all the way to the ceiling) that open and close together with the train doors, and incidents like this almost never happened…

I never gave this any thought. God bless you all 💜🙏🏾💜

I dont live in New York, but this was a documentary that i needed.

Involving innocent bystanders in your suicide is an unbelievably selfish thing to do

Wow this is an eye opening, I couldn’t imagine being one of them and experiencing such a horrid thing

My 7 year old and I witnessed a jumper, who was killed. It took a long time to be ok with getting on again and we have so much sympathy for the driver as we could see he hit right in front of them. I don't know that we will ever truly get over it. My sympathies to the brave drivers.

This is why in japan and other Asian countries they installed barriers that open when train stops and opens its doors. It's sad that the workers have to deal with this fear ontop of the stress of their job

I wish I could personally thank all of them for sharing.

Is it that hard to install doors on subway stations? This is a public safety measure too.

Once I was in the metro (Montreal) and it stopped brutally. The driver kept silent. My first thought was a power cut. Then the driver said " il... Il a sauté" ( he... He jumped). That was so shocking he couldn't say anything else. But if I couldn't have any idea who jumped, I knew it was a man and it was already too much.

Trauma runs so deep. Heartbreaking all around.

Thank you for sharing your stories. May peace be with you. 🙏💔 Thank you for your service.

Someone got hit today. May 22, 2024 on the R line, station 53rd Street. And here I am watching this video once again for the second time.😢 Life is so precious ❤️