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An Ugly Yet Healing Truth About Narcissists
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Күн бұрынWhen you repeatedly push back against a narcissist, pleading your case or arguing or defending, you inadvertently illustrate your struggles to come to terms with the truth about a narcissist's dysfunction. Dr. Les Carter reminds you of a major ugly truth about narcissism, and while that might seem depressing, it can actually become the beginning point for your healthy adjustments.
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@chelleb3055 Жыл бұрын
What helped me the most was when I realized that it isn't personal. I wasn't being singled out for abuse; they treat EVERYONE the same, eventually. Even their flying monkeys who are the most loyal and obedient aren't exempt from abuse by the narcissist and will be treated with contempt if they stick around long enough. That alone helped me to begin the process of healing because I could stop wondering (or rather obsessing over) what the heck was wrong with ME and accept that I am not the problem - there is actually something very wrong with THEM. 🙂
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
In relationships they do end up the same, irl they do not treat everyone the same.
@AlwaysStampinVideos Жыл бұрын
💜💜💜
@chelleb3055 Жыл бұрын
@@RN-gx7wt In my personal experience they eventually turn on everyone, regardless of relationship type. The only ones they treat differently are strangers but even that is dependent on the situation. Once anyone "disrespects" them, the gloves (mask) come off.
@AlwaysStampinVideos Жыл бұрын
@@chelleb3055 your response to R N has been my exact same experience as well.
@siriastridkristensen4272 Жыл бұрын
🌿
@cailin5309 Жыл бұрын
This is what ultimately made me leave.. it wasn’t the abuse.. it wasn’t anything he was doing.. that stuff DID reach some pretty horrific places.. but what made me leave was that I did NOT like who I was becoming with him. I found myself starting to turn into a mirror of him & I just couldn’t live with that anymore. Hope this helps someone, save yourself, they are not going to change - they might actually end up changing YOU
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
So accurate!
@nikiarmstrong4082 Жыл бұрын
I really agree with you. It is the realization that you are becoming him that hits home. Absolutely awful.
@ChuckBassHere Жыл бұрын
Last line hits different. If you grow up with narc family members they do end up changing you. Affirming the negative traits and discrediting the positive traits.
@lynnharris5850 Жыл бұрын
Wow. I've never really thought about it that way, but it's so true! Thank you so much for shining a light on that aspect of the abuse.
@lilysleisure1918 Жыл бұрын
Same
@kathleenbotelho3307 Жыл бұрын
One ugly truth about the narcissist is that they never apologize for the things they've done crazy they just go on trying to get back in your life like nothing happened like it was all your fault.
@lovinhouse374 Жыл бұрын
Be done! Not mad, not bothered, just DONE! Protect yourself.
@wordswordswords8203 Жыл бұрын
Yes.
@Bianca-sw5id Жыл бұрын
Narcissistists bring out the worst in me , and then they weaponize it against me
@papi9114 Жыл бұрын
What a beautiful phrase. " You can stand in the better alternatives that the narcissist cannot join you in... love, decency, mercy, kindness, and peace and joy. And when you do, you can lay claim to the ingredients that give life meaning" A feeling of intense calm came over me as you said this.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Very pleased!
@Mistinguette287 Жыл бұрын
Totally those are places you’ll never meet them. That’s why you left gradually, and one by one those healthy places… You couldn’t meet him or her here!
@papi9114 Жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism 🧡
@papi9114 Жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism One of the things that has helped me the most, aside from the kind thoughts on channels like this, is a Buddhist way of thinking. To paraphrase: 'If someone offends you, and you don't accept it - who does it belong to?' It can be applied to anything...insults, rage, lies, mocking and more.
@onelife7247 Жыл бұрын
@Papi They are spiritually impoverished
@ak-47intelligence75 Жыл бұрын
After years of studying narcissism, I can confess , wholeheartedly and genuinely, the discard is the BIGGEST COMPLIMENT. It's SO miserable to remain in the presence of these people even for a little while. I am now at PEACE. I have strong boundaries. They see me, they run the other way ! Good. Get out of my way.
@braveheart977 7 ай бұрын
You are fortunate
@tinman8972 Жыл бұрын
One of the harshest realities to accept after an abusive relationship with a narcissist has ended is that "it was nothing personal." You loved this person and their abuse of you was nothing personal. It was just your turn.
@watchwomanokc5021 Жыл бұрын
Wow! Thanks for sharing. So true ....
@pamelav.5699 Жыл бұрын
Yes, and when you’re very young and naive sometimes it’s all the more easier for them to trap you, which could seem like a lifetime!
@kirsikka3752 Жыл бұрын
Yes, it is a relief and yet really insulting that you gave the other person love and trust and they were just going through their circle and you were just present there, but nobody to them.
@natalievitrano8251 Жыл бұрын
It was just my turn. That's a great way to put it. Well, I'm out of the game now and I don't care who takes my place.
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
Yep That is the ultimate Betrayal in my eyes. every time that I lighten up I find it gets rammed right down my soul that they have not even noticed the need to change something just to be part of the 'team' they imagine that we are on with them, work , family, same same. I still get my heart broken daily when my kids do one thing and say they will do something and then they just forget and are doing whatever leaving me hanging with the balance of the work. 3 Adult kids still living on the farm here. Chores are optional right??? Not so much....I am developing a separate life within my life that pleases me and does not always include anyone but the dog, cats and my goats... they are more reliable LOL.
@mystical_cupcake Жыл бұрын
"There are some things in life that can't be fixed." Thanks for this reminder and saying that it's normal to have loose ends or unresolved business at the end of one's life.
@nickcancelliere5638 Жыл бұрын
Word
@lindasmith9950 Жыл бұрын
Walking away makes it resolved, and saves the recipient of past trouble with a Narcissist future chaos. No matter the relationship, Nobody has aright of any kind to destroy another’s life and future. A relationship with them is a very exhaustive one, even for a very compassionate, patient soul.
@danilaroche1156 Жыл бұрын
Yes,.the man I thought I'd marry ( he asked!) turned out to be inhuman. His old bestie told me he does this crap to everyone. For the longest time, I was devastated. Now I'm at peace. It wasn't personal.
@lindac6919 Жыл бұрын
In all the words of tongue and pen, the saddest are "it might have been." I forget where I read that.
@goldilocks3593 Жыл бұрын
That is the truth you finally have to accept: there are bad people in the world. This runs so contrary to everything we are taught as children - that there are no bad people just bad choices, actions, etc. Turns out this just isn’t true and although actually bad people are a relatively small percentage of the population, they are real and do exist and they are narcissists and psychopaths - who should be avoided if at all humanly possible.
@taraarrington2285 Жыл бұрын
People tend to think these people are in jails but no.. They are CEOs and run the world.
@joanna0988 Жыл бұрын
@@taraarrington2285 Or they're your parents 😅
@bagels3050 Жыл бұрын
i don’t think toxic people make up a small number, i don’t know the number. i just know it’s enough that you have to realize people have different intentions, and not always good.
@taraarrington2285 Жыл бұрын
@@joanna0988 yes
@joanna0988 Жыл бұрын
@@bagels3050 I agree. There is so much trauma and damage here on earth that most people will have some toxic traits. For me my trauma shows up as overdoing and self sacrifice so I may not really hurt others as much as an abuser but I hurt myself and enable bad behavior in others. I'm in therapy for that and I'm now aware of it but part of my issue is what allowed to me be abused by narcissists.
@natalievitrano8251 Жыл бұрын
Dr. C, it's really hard not to mourn the years spent loving and caring for an individual who used you from the start. I think about all of the positive things I could have been doing instead of catering to a lunatic. I did get the shaft - over and over and over again and saw the red flags but was utterly manipulated. Well, I've left the narcissist and created a wonderful, peaceful life for myself. Now at least I can say that if I died tomorrow, I went out with peace in my soul instead of torment. Thank you for all you do for us.
@sandratraversy9048 Жыл бұрын
Good for you Natalie - your words have brought me joy ❤ for your sake. Congratulations on finding your wings!
@suejohnson3972 Жыл бұрын
Amen Natalie ❤️
@wendychavez5348 Жыл бұрын
It's absolutely worth grieving over! You invested a lot into that relationship, and followed your instinct to try and fix the problems before giving up on it. It's not your fault that things didn't work out. Could you have done it differently? Probably, and it's good to be aware of that, though nothing you could have done would have helped enough, because YOU were not creating or sustaining the conflict. Much love to you!
@kathyhartman6586 Жыл бұрын
Congrats! It’s awesome isn’t it!?
@susandawnentwistle6933 Жыл бұрын
❤❤❤
@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын
Dr. C recently replied to a comment of mine, where I was wondering if I had caused this in her somehow. His response actually brought me a great deal of healing. In essence, he noted that her path would have been the same, whether I was involved or not. The ugly truth was simply that she was who she was, and would be who she would be. It wasn’t about me at all. Edited to clarify that I was the one wondering, not him.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
You are so on target, Aaron!
@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism {grin} You’re the one on target. I just try to listen and understand. I’m ready for more, looking forward to next stream already.
@mariadiez7165 Жыл бұрын
I am happy that you found,thanks to him the thuth.Is is nothing to do with you,is them and is sick,not you,but they have to project themselves into you and that also confuse you and is what they want,for YOU to carry THEIR shame!😡 0 contact,if you can love.💪😘
@sll110 Жыл бұрын
@@mariadiez7165 YES
@skinnyway Жыл бұрын
Aaron its true. She was going to walk that path whether you were there or not. they all chose that path a long time ago - before we ever met them.
@jozette-pierce 10 ай бұрын
The sad thing is these pathetic people latch on to the best , most unsuspecting people they can find to marry, thus putting a stranglehold on and ruining their lives , too.
@jolesliewhitten6545 Жыл бұрын
Plan quietly and run from the narcissist! Give no warning. They are dangerous.
@papi9114 Жыл бұрын
I came to the realisation that I had to do this after my brother moved into the family home full time. It was the hardest thing to do, but the right thing. I made no drama....just said I'd be living elsewhere. He was trying to destroy me, slowly, insipidly, and I realised the extent of it when I overheard the way he speaks to my mother about me. Wow. So shocking....but I woke up!
@jolesliewhitten6545 Жыл бұрын
@@papi9114 , stay safe. These people are very angry and DANGEROUS.
@Datb2 Жыл бұрын
Yes!!! Had to ghost them no warning
@papi9114 Жыл бұрын
@@jolesliewhitten6545 🧡 Thankyou x
@jolesliewhitten6545 Жыл бұрын
@@papi9114 , blessings!
@aineaine5453 Жыл бұрын
Ugly AND Healing truth: It’s UGLY that you have to distance yourself from your mother and family but HEALING to avoid ongoing Manipulations of You.
@sll110 Жыл бұрын
me too
@Missy_561 Жыл бұрын
I wish my bf would get this through his head his mamm is a narcissistic so are his two brothers my own father is one and my aunt who was more like a bad older sister to me butnacjn the I just loved her so much I accepted all the abuse I went completely NC with her 15 years ago and she stilntried todestroy me but God has carried. Me away and blessed me with Miracles his whole family is jealous and envious of us it's 🤮 I pray yku understand and choose yourself and your healing inundsrstand it's your mom UT absolutely breaks my heart my dad is a nrc but they are nevr goin to change I also had to go NC with gim he was. Grooming my daughter exactly as he did me and I felt torn about thaybchoice and it hurt get but I only did it to protect her and Even myself but really her felt guilty because he spoiled her but he was grooming hr to take his abuse and possibly she would turn to unhealthy ways of living like I did to push down all the pain indidnt even realize it at the time I have to break the generational curse I pray we choose ourselves and children and put our peace and tolerate absolut5 no abuse and establish boundaries and enforce them and practice Grey rock or impose jut go completely MC if possible it's really the best way but sometimes if you have children or other circumstances where total NC isn't possible you have to establish boundaries and enforce them
@lambchop6278 Жыл бұрын
I am and was in the same place. It was a WONDERFUL achievement when I at last was able to give up on my father. And I don't ever want to go back on it, because he still manages to sneak in being a prick towards me, during moments when I am a bit unguarded and forget and actually make some connection with him, as opposed to the psychological distance that I have since maintained with him (and that has been so utterly fantastic). During these moments ...where I have forgotten my self and reverted to the past where there existed some semblance of a healthy relationship with him... he has still had to power to hurt me. And, as a result, it just serves as a little reminder that I am not only completely doing what I am supposed to do, by shutting him out (other than being basically polite towards him) ...but that also he truly is a prick. Plain and simple. And for years and years, I never wanted to acknowledge it.
@krs1602 Жыл бұрын
As sobering & uncomfortable as this truth may be, it's also liberating. Acknowledging that this person/people cannot be helped or healed (no matter how much you give or try) can be a pathway to tranquility.
@janeydoe1403 Жыл бұрын
Yup. The truth sets us free. Doesn't preclude the fact that our love and intent were not sincere or real. They're just fabulous actors playing a part (in the movie, 'life') and we are the props! Wife. Check. Kid. Check. Dog. Check. House. Check. Divorce. Check (read makes them appear normal!) It's all about blending in. Important for us to go very slowly when dating after recovering from this sort of relationship. Like months slowly. Don't ignore the red flags no matter how disappointed it makes us.
@richardhowe3951 Жыл бұрын
The words soberingand uncomfortable, are what I feel about this. There are timeswhenI thinkitwas my faultfor not seeing this coming. I go through upsanddowns with this feelingof having failed. Hearing others like yourself express it gives mehope that I am not alone and remindsmeof the goodness I have in my heart. Thank you for your post!
@krs1602 Жыл бұрын
@@richardhowe3951 And thank you. I can understand the feeling of failure. It took me several years to understand that some matters like these 'simply are,' even in spite of us. The situation can be sad to think about, but we can be thankful that given wisdom and awareness, we don't have to suffer or exist in the world of Narcissism.
@krs1602 Жыл бұрын
@@janeydoe1403 Agreed. I don't think Narcissists and their abuse can dilute the facts of pure love & compassion (despite their inability to comprehend or appreciate it). They're 'actors' indeed, not to mention very perplexing individuals. Our gained knowledge and experience can help guide us through, and on to healthier futures.
@Indy__isnt_it Жыл бұрын
@@krs1602 I'm sorry I ever had to look up the word in the first place, 5 years ago, after a interest post from a child had a page full of narcissitic relationships with mother, father, siblings, in laws you name a close family relationship, she was gathering info. As an empath, how is all this hate possible from my child? I know we did not raise them under optimum conditions, but once aware, I stopped looking back, only forward. He's still fighting this break up, thinking I'll give in and give up. Not gonna happen, the more alone time I create now with no contact, except through an email, he can't fudge with an email exchange. Be safe. My next move is to stop talking about "it" our situation, his continued abilities to infiltrate my life, no accountability required by him according to the law. It's all because a marriage certificate turns all matters into civil, not criminal. The ignorance of so many around this is crazy. I wouldn't even recommend calling a hotline. First call is okay, downhill from there. Sorry so long!
@MARLA116 Жыл бұрын
I showed mercy to the narcissist for 30 years. I was a faithful and devoted wife. He repaid me by discarding me on FB with a Filippino female, 35 years younger than him and our children's age. He used the phone I was paying for to declare his love and adoration for her. Something he NEVER did for me. THAT is what I got for my mercy. So, just as some are not redeemable, some are not deserving of mercy.
@fionaschiffl8065 Жыл бұрын
Physical boundaries are also important. My husband took over every space in the house and had made me feel like I don’t deserve space. He wanted a new large shed and told me half of it would be a woodwork shop we both use. This was a lie and he didn’t even give me the one shelf I asked for. We’re selling the house and he’s cleaned out 99.9% of his stuff from the other shed and still refused to give me the space I need to move my stuff out there so I can deep clean an emptier house. He’d throw my bedding off the bed occasionally if it went on his side of the bed. Over the last few years I’ve carved out some areas for myself and he raises it when he needs something to add to an argument, I’m talking a kitchen cupboard where he has 3 to himself already. I’m getting excited about my future home and my space being mine and feeling like I belong there.
@themoontoonshines923 Жыл бұрын
Oh My! This is something I experienced too and that became worse when I started pulling away before finally breaking free. I will come back and share more about this because it was psychopathic behavior!
@fionaschiffl8065 Жыл бұрын
@@themoontoonshines923 I had no idea as it’s so subtle. I’ve done a lot of research on decluttering and found out about clutter thresholds and everyone’s threshold for it (how much clutter can you handle and manage in your life) is different. However this goes beyond that and pushes you out of living a healthy life in your own space. I learnt not to say anything about it. Enjoy your new life and place of your own!
@Rolhgty Жыл бұрын
Wow! you've just cracked it for me.I had never given it a thought till now.My Narc hubby has 90% of the closet to himself, filled with stuff,some which he barely uses.It's ridiculous 😀
@fionaschiffl8065 Жыл бұрын
@@Rolhgty So glad I could help you with it. You feel suffocated without being able to put a reason to it. My husband is a hoarder so it was impossible to get space. I hope you can put a boundary in for half the space but be prepared for it to be used against you even though it’s reasonable. I asked and asked for space to no avail. In the end I said because you have taken over this space, I’ll need space in this room and he still did nothing. I had to make the space myself and move his stuff as well as I could. I say his areas have 3D carpet or floors. It’s an Olympic hurdling event to get anywhere in a room and I celebrate if I haven’t hurt myself or tripped over something. If you want a great decluttering channel, Dana K White is brilliant. A narc won’t want to declutter but it will bring you sanity with your areas.
@mumcmillfields Жыл бұрын
Oh well done. I pray you will really enjoy your new space. Bless you
@ruckerbrady8342 Жыл бұрын
To my brothers and sisters who grew up with a narrsistic parent. We will heal, we will grow, we will find meaningful relationships, we will find peace, dignity, strength, purpose, love, acceptance, salvation in heaven with God!!
@jennyanderson4796 Жыл бұрын
My siblings are going to be devastated if they ever connect the dots.
@chambanachik1 Жыл бұрын
I have been intensely grieving this morning about how wasted all the effort I put into a relationship that was so easily discarded by my father. This was a very timely video. Thank you for all you do.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Thanks, Erika. You're why I do these videos!
@dm3144 Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry, you will feel better after that gut cry…😢 It is very cleansing and helps you to move on. Be strong sister!🦋🦋🦋
@rebekahransom415 Жыл бұрын
They can't really be your father if they never bothered to really know and value you, for you. You are more valued here by "strangers on the internet" than by the animal called "Dad".
@rubymcclain5078 Жыл бұрын
You are absolutely right about wasting time and energy on a narcissist. I wish I could go back and reclaim those days plus reclaim my sanity. 😔
@mrb4761 Жыл бұрын
It's a stunning feeling -- when a parent (sometimes a parent whom YOU have taken large chunks out of your life doing elder care for) just ... tosses your entire relationship aside like it never even existed. It's really, really hard 😪
@franciecrist991 Жыл бұрын
I'm continuing to live with DIGNITY RESPECT and CIVILITY and I'm embracing my peace of mind
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
#TeamHealthy
@jefffunk863 Жыл бұрын
💐🙏🎯
@wendybesett5748 Жыл бұрын
" Love, decency, mercy, kindness...and Peace and Joy. You can stand in that ..." That's exactly what I ( try to) do. Very validating statement. Thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Stand with me, Wendy!
@yvonnemariehorvatr.h.n.nut3315 Жыл бұрын
OMG. Dr. Carter. What a wonderful genuine loving man you are. Almost all of us here needed a dad like you or husband!!!!. What a treasure you are. Thank you ❤️
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Thanks for your kind regards.
@evezazzle5974 Жыл бұрын
Agreed lovely ❤️💐agreed☀️🙏
@CB-hi7mf Жыл бұрын
Check out his dog. Dog is super calm.
@wendychavez5348 Жыл бұрын
I have a dad comparable to Dr C, who I appreciate more every day. My current partner also has this level of integrity and compassion. Even so, it's utterly comforting to know that Dr C existsx and that he's one more person who's made himself available to us!
@echogl Жыл бұрын
Yes - Dr. Carter is amazing and just what we needed.
@skinnyway Жыл бұрын
what he said toward the end - you have to accept that some people are unredeemable and let it go. thats really hard. and its not personal. they treat everyone the same way - actually its a backhanded compliment. you are so much stronger than they are that you need to be taken out and sunk like a battleship. but they'll never tell you that. they'll never let on how much they actually admire you because it comes out with so much vitriol and venom. they are visceral in the damage they hand out because thats how deeply they hate themselves.
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
I let go of their reality, is less hard. But works the same.
@skinnyway Жыл бұрын
@@RN-gx7wt 😆😆😆😆its hard if you actually care about that person. if you are a narc who never allows things to affect your heart, its very easy to walk away. no one matters in a narc's reality. I knew it was gonna be you who responded to that comment. strong people attract narcs like moths to a flame. my Light shines thru my words. evidently my points have struck home with you and you think my comments are directed torward you. guilty conscience perhaps? maybe you should talk to the doc about that. 🤷
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
@@skinnyway Nobody says you shouldn't care. It's going to be me anyways, what else? My neighbour? I know how to respond to the most extreme cases. For me things are over 30years in the past, I moved on from childhood into relationships, from good to an estimated 3 who scratch these topics, no kids where involved, I do not create damage for a lifetime, I resolve things. I remember you from live chat, you're free to call me out, although I doubt you have any solid reason for it. It's where people pick you up, you have to acknowledge something you said otherwise it doesn't go anywhere. It’s called moving forwards. Abuse isn’t love. Keep things at arms length is where we are.
@notagain779 Жыл бұрын
When finally, I stopped hoping things could be better, and just disengaged emotionally, my sense of humor and ability to get excited by new projects returned. An interest in learning new things, meeting new people, etc., also returned, but it took several years to work through it all.
@Datb2 Жыл бұрын
Omg same 😢
@reddawn8230 Жыл бұрын
This needles them the most! A narc hates it when people around them are happy/content without them.
@vettevegas8549 Жыл бұрын
Thank you Doctor. I'll never forget how in my developmental "pre-teens" (12yrs old, and beyond) my Dad (when he was around) was so strangly "competitive" with me that he would put me down and belittle me in front of strangers and friends. Put me down and make himself look "big" by minimizing me. He's 94 and I'm 61, and I still can't trust him to not try to "sabatage" and belittle me (and family). Up until I found these videos, I STILL thought my job was to "please" him. You've changed my life, and just in time for my last 20yrs (I hope) to be about my own life and somewhat "normal". I grieve for all the years I wasted being his "tool". Always being the family "goat". What a wasted amount of life spent chasing his unattainable approval. That "approval" was always reserved for my younger "brother" his "real son" the selfish tyrant. I can't remember a single time he showed up for any of my baseball games, or any positive words of any of my successes. Just an abusive bully who ruled the family by "fear". Now, finally, I understand the abuse. Best of all I'm able to identify it in others now and protect myself. Wish we had this info 50yrs ago.
@hannahrosa5485 Жыл бұрын
I learned that if I expected nothing I wouldn't be disappointed. But I gave that up when I left and began to expect good things, good people, good situations, good opportunities to learn and to better myself. That was a much better strategy.
@goldenlass9488 Жыл бұрын
Supposedly, this mindset is why the Danes are consistently the happiest people in the world! They are not disappointed, but happily surprised.
@justanothertuesday9664 Жыл бұрын
My narcissistic wife is recently addicted to therapy. I don’t find it’s doing a thing. In fact, she seems to be the victim more than ever. I feel she uses her addiction as a pedestal of some sort, almost to say “look at me, I’m better than you because I do group therapy…. on a zoom call.” She has also told me she actually doesn’t participate, just listens in. It breaks my heart to know that soon, our son will be growing up in separate households. But I can’t take this abuse anymore. I want to live a life of love and respect. Not lies, threats and intimidation.
@kimberlylynch3852 Жыл бұрын
She is probably lying, rewriting history, and getting lots of fake victim sympathy from new strangers that don’t know her at all. The real litmus test is what her relationships are like with people that have known her for long periods of time. I feel ya!!!
@HankFabulous Жыл бұрын
Have you watched of any Dr. Ramani's videos? She's the other expert in narcissism that I trust fully.
@helenflouch Жыл бұрын
@@HankFabulous she's good too. I like them both.
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
The fact is that you will be a better person away from the turmoil and the kid will find you again if they have any huts pa what so ever. My nephews found their dad again and it will come around for you. The kid will KNOW why you had to go and probably already does even if they are only 6 or so. I knew things at 4 years old but I am a watcher by nature. She will turn the attention onto the kid and they will know, you can be the refuge and rock they need so be it.
@LaniBanani Жыл бұрын
Therapy is supply to a narcissist.
@mireadossantos4610 Жыл бұрын
" I deserve better " I like that , makes me feel good. Thank you Dr. Carter.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
And it's true!!
@reddawn8230 Жыл бұрын
It isn’t my responsibility to control his temper.
@Rebel6832 Жыл бұрын
What is still difficult for me is that my narc guilts me into feeling as though I am selfish for trying to make myself most important.
@judysangregorio2787 Жыл бұрын
Yes! “Healthy pessimism”, so to speak, can save all of us a lot of aggravation and disappointment! At this point in my life with all I’ve been through, I think it’s incredibly constructive to recall some experiences with some people so you don’t get burned a second time. Thanks Dr C! Hi to Gus
@skinnyway Жыл бұрын
absolutely. you dont go thru training to not do what you've learned when you're in the field. 😉 every experience is a learning experience. or it should be.
@masterdaveedwards Жыл бұрын
@gemma........ yep makes perfect sense...I love the part about not sharing all the finer details of your life...being excited about accomplishing some of your future goals is important. And Narcs in general could two craps about your accomplishments unless of course they can one upmenship you. Shalom.
@lambchop6278 Жыл бұрын
I think you're right. ...I prefer a 'split personality' analogy, perhaps; whereby I can be an optimist about people being basically good, but still then switch when I need to, when I encounter a toxic person, who is deliberately out to be an a hole.
@rauxieswisdom3102 Жыл бұрын
Thing is, in time you forget what you went through. That and the lies these people will tell you, They gaslight you and so on and so forth. In the spirit of love, you want to say the past needs to stay in the past. They just won’t let it. I have made the mistake of thinking we are past the bad times, when in fact, they never were. I have learned, you can never trust them again….. took me 40 years. I know you cannot fix this. I have had to place it in Gods hands. It’s beyond my skill set. The emotional toll has been devastating. If I’m going to live in peace, that’s part of the equation I have to let go of.
@wendychavez5348 Жыл бұрын
I keep thinking of the Bizzarro World episode of Seinfeld. Of course that won't mean anything to some people in this community, but most of that show's characters have a decent degree of narcissism. In the Bizzarro World episode, everything is opposite--sometimes by choice, sometimes by chance--and the world shifts in surprising ways. With narcissists, Bizzarro World can be a useful method of coping. "Healthy pessimism" is a concept that fits quite well.
@rosieE121 Жыл бұрын
I started to make progress when I realized it was arrogant of me to think I could change my relationship with a narcissist. Like Dr. Carter said, some things just are what they are, and we are too what we are.
@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын
What helped me was me. Once I resigned myself to the fact that I was not put on this earth to win a popularity contest, I freed myself.....
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Great perspective, Amanda!
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
That's wisdom.
@dm3144 Жыл бұрын
That was a good comment, thank you🎉
@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын
@@dm3144 Just being honest. I got fed up of trying to please others although I do bend over backwards to help people. Plus, I now don't give recognition to those who actively seek it but always give praise where it is due. Take care 🙂
@duromusabc Жыл бұрын
God ALWAYS creates a greater good from all evil - including narcissists and narcissism That’s where this podcast comes in
@thesehandsart Жыл бұрын
The best thing that has happened to me has been learning about narcissism and having to accept those who have the traits. It has made my life so much better as I can finally choose to get off their ride and stop trying to fix myself to improve those relationships as that was never going to work! Now I can truly work on myself, not as the problem but to learn the things I was never taught about how to truly live MY life and shed the lessons they taught me that had me living for THEM! I'm so thankful, despite the pain, anger and confusion that I still am working through, but now I'm experiencing those as part of my authentic life❤️❤️❤️
@skinnyway Жыл бұрын
get off their ride. yes. that. perfectly said. ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥 I'm gonna remember that one because I usually just focus on how its MY ride and I get to live how I want. but we have to get off their ride first. 💛
@pennylane9354 Жыл бұрын
This is so well said. 🙌🏼 Thanks for sharing!! 😊
@luzenidcabrerarivera4821 Жыл бұрын
I have spent almost all of my marriage trying to figure out how to solve the twisted relationship I've been living with my husband. And like you say, it came down to realizing that it's just something that cannot be fixed. I have put so much into the relationship that nothing that I did or say ever helped to improve it. I finally realized that I had abandoned myself as a person. Now I realize that the most important thing in my life is me. I'm in the process of healing at this moment, thank you for such valuable advice. By the way, I love your 🐶.
@donnasalter9137 Жыл бұрын
Stay strong, on team healthy!
@thecustodian1023 Жыл бұрын
Yes, I do like the person I am becoming. Smarter, more resourced, more strategic and more capable of keeping narcissists in their place so that others don't have to suffer what I did because I refused to walk away as most do. How many inches are you going to give up before you realize that in giving them what they want and walking away will lead to you losing everything? Draw the line where you will stand your ground to the death at the first inch, not your last.
@Buster-im5so Жыл бұрын
"Some people are beyond redemption, but that does not have to include... you". Dr. Carter's push-pull scenario of trying to get them to change. I confess I've done this for 33 years. Now, I'm drawing back and this talk confirms my decision to do so. I really loved her to a fault because of my lack of knowledge. This talk is priceless. Thanks Dr. Carter. P.S... And yes, I've suffered spiritually, mentally, and physiologically (migraines).
@karendewaele6855 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video. I became a much better, happier person and found out how many lovely, nice people there are in the world, since I’m on my own.❤ Getting out of their very distorted world was an eyeopener.
@ThisIsMe155 Жыл бұрын
💔❤️❤️❤️🙏😊
@marmaladesunrise Жыл бұрын
"Some people are beyond redemption." Well said Dr. C.
@marmaladesunrise Жыл бұрын
@Tracy Smith There is though a point of no return. A person must feel truly sorry for their behavior for that. Scripturarily speaking. Many narcs have gone so far into cheating, lying, stealing, murdering that they no longer have a concience which places themselves in a place of no return. These people are extremely dangerous at that point. Stay away from them. God will definitely sort them out.
@marmaladesunrise Жыл бұрын
@Tracy Smith Tracy, All you've said is true, however Dr. C. and I were merely sharing a fact that some are past the point of redemption. Of course only God knows which those are, BUT it is a fact that there are those whoes FREE WILL choose to be detructive. In the past, I greatly pulled for those who screwed up having the promised of forgiveness. My insight is now on those whose FREE WILL is literally choosing destruction of others as a past time. Psychopaths are real. I've read many times of good hearted, innocent people being stabbed to death or killed in other ways by those they were helping. The Bible also speaks of using DISCERNMENT. So we are directed to use sober thinking along with forgiveness, otherwise we would be sheep instead of a shepherd.
@marmaladesunrise Жыл бұрын
@Tracy Smith We are all given free will. The choice we make determines our outcome. Christ of course is the GREAT SHEPHERD, but we are instructed to use discernment. So, as Dr. C. & I concurred, some are beyond redemption. That's what they chose. It's all on them. No one but themselves to blame. All he did was make a factual statement and I agreed. Keep up your goodness in Christ & don't be fooled.
@bekf2240 Жыл бұрын
Some people are so broken in the soul that they cannot act as a human being.
@mariadiez7165 Жыл бұрын
I am on that journey and letting my family go and I like it.Also makes me feel free and able to move forwards for MYSELF and now, I am making plans for ME and the rest of MY life. Thank you so much Dr Carter 😊 Look after the most important person in your life,yourself! 💪😘
@everymomentisagift Жыл бұрын
Good for you Maria! 👍 You are No.1!
@annettemoorshead7019 Жыл бұрын
Good luck, Maria, this is EXACTLY what I am going through right now too!!
@mariadiez7165 Жыл бұрын
Thank you very much and good lick to your all. 😘😘😘😘💪
@rebekahransom415 Жыл бұрын
Exactly! Me too! It's WORTH IT.
@sundown777 Жыл бұрын
I'm on the same path Maria Instead of hoping to survive I'm looking to the future mindfully protecting my heart, mind and soul. Not giving them the control... Best of future blessings to you...
@colbertwatcher706 Жыл бұрын
It gives me comfort to know i am part of 'team healthy'. :) after all the negative stuff from the narcissist- this positive 'team' or 'family' helps me immensely. Thank you Dr. C 🙂
@msmacmac1000 Жыл бұрын
Thanks, as ever, Dr C. I am inspired by your kindness. It is a key to cracking the code of my soul.🙏🏼
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Yes!
@reddawn8230 Жыл бұрын
Give them up to God. No more begging for basic decency and maturity from someone hell bent on cruelty. It’s not my job to “fix” another grown adult, or to make their choices for them. It’s in God’s hands. Always was.
@judyhogarth80 Жыл бұрын
You have done it again! Wow the phrase ‘some people are beyond redemption’ was most helpful. It’s changed my life.thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
You are quite welcome.
@snowy4282 Жыл бұрын
Brilliant, Dr. C ! I have understood for many years that I am not an optimist. I am not a pessimist. I am a realist. All the phony role-playing and lies caused me to love the truth. No matter how difficult and unpleasant the truth may be, it is real. I can and will face the facts. Even when it is hard, Truth is a beautiful thing.
@snowy4282 Жыл бұрын
@@Chris-dw7gq Way To Be. :) For me, doing what I can to deal with my circumstances makes a lot more sense than burying my head in the sand. Reality is that I am not a defenseless little child anymore, I survived that crap, and I am determined that muddy water under the bridge will not ruin or rule me. Dr. C and this community are a great comfort. Proof that Good exists, despite all the Bad.
@snowy4282 Жыл бұрын
@@Chris-dw7gq Or connection, with someone who would have given him love, affirmation, security, and all the things that make life worth living. So tragic that they throw away diamonds while reaching for bits of plastic because they can’t tell the difference. I can feel a tiny shred of sympathy for them . . . . . From a long distance. 🙂
@andrewschultz6608 Жыл бұрын
I remember narcissists who claim "some people can't be fixed." Yet they still try! It took so long to occur to me that some of the targets might, in fact, not be broken.
@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын
When I was at university many years ago there was a 'friend' who made my life hell. But the only reason she could do that was because my family laid the groundwork by killing my self-esteem. I always wondered what was wrong with me. Eventually I moved out of her orbit. She ended up burning down the college we lived in and went to jail.
@fragrenscat9468 Жыл бұрын
what an incredible outcome!. But many times iv met these types and then something happens which ends up validating that it never was you. still it took actually learning about NPD for the light to truly go on.
@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын
@@fragrenscat9468 After burning down the university college and serving one and a half years" jail, she asked me if she could stay with me before returning to England (from Australia). My self-esteem was so poor back then I obliged. She returned to England, married and had two children. Her husband never knew about the fires or that she had spent time in jail.
@fragrenscat9468 Жыл бұрын
@@snowbear1877 hes probably suffering your fate with her as are her children i suspect..
@DMRoper1 Жыл бұрын
@@snowbear1877 (gasp!) You allowed a known arsonist into your home?
@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын
@@DMRoper1 Yes. My self-esteem was very low. Even though she made my years at university hell. She had nowhere to go after coming out of jail and being deported back to England. I am a fool I know. I was married at the time. After my marriage broke up some years later, my husband even accused me of not being able to get along with anyone, including the arsonist! After I had been so kind to her. I just said that she was a convicted criminal. He had no answer to that. Nowadays I walk away from people who mistreat me. I am getting better at that but it's taken a lifetime and lots of therapy.
@justsewit_tk5477 Жыл бұрын
I needed this today Dr C. Had a distant relative bale me up at church today to tell me to "go and see your mother". She then proceeded to belittle, telling me that mother apparently was "crying on her shoulder, saying "I just want to see her!" and replying to that with "well I'm her cousin and I'll tell her." She told me "she knew I had things going on with my mother but I SHOULD go and see her." and "God will tell you" to which I replied with "He already has!" - she probably thought I was agreeing with her. The trouble is that people like her don't have a clue and there is no point in explaining because they just won't listen. I'm tired of having to justify my actions of walking away and going no contact with my mother. I HAVE ALWAYS wanted a close relationship with my mum but it never was that way. I cannot change that and going back and being in contact with her will not change that. I would rather walk forward with my head held high with confidence in my decision making than go back to being the meek and mild and silently angry person I used to be. LOVE, DECENCY, MERCY, KINDNESS, PEACE AND JOY are all the attributes I strive to have in my daily life. I was lacking so much of that before.
@annadonahue4119 Жыл бұрын
Yes!
@jessicamartin1728 Жыл бұрын
The best thing I ever did was stop trying to push back and just neutrally say "okay" when my parental narcissist is trying to drag me into the crazy. They don't know how to respond to it and I protect my peace. I wish things were different, but I cannot change them and I need to be truthful to myself.
@janedoe2119 Жыл бұрын
I always tell myself: it is what it is
@joanna0988 Жыл бұрын
That's the way to go! Don't argue with reality 🙌👏
@susannay.3437 Жыл бұрын
I don't think it's as pessimistic as it is just plain realistic...a realistic understanding of evil but also of the potential for goodness in those of us who truly strive for that. Thanks for keeping a lot of us above water, Dr. C. ❤️
@patriciamacnichol5061 Жыл бұрын
Dear Dr. Carter, I want to thank you, once again, for sharing your wisdom, empathy, and gifts that the Lord bestowed on you. I'm in the process of a divorce, of a 4 decades long marriage. I have 4 adult children and 8 grandchildren, that I love more than I can say. I sit here with tears running down my face, and a heavy heart, from the fallout and dysfunction. The ongoing attempts to alienate the children I raised, almost singlehandedly. The pain knowing how they were affected, and still are. The knowledge I contributed to it as well. The strength needed to extricate yourself from all of it. Overwhelming. Your videos and podcasts always validate and encourage me to continue on the path to health. I find psychology and spirituality closely connected. I've come back to my faith, and when I read scriptures and proverbs, for example, the messages are very similar, if one wishes to go through life a certain way. Obviously you are a psychologist, but I also see and feel so much spirituality within you. What a combination; what a gift. God Bless you for sharing it with us. I pray for everyone in this community and I just want to say, may God Bless all of you.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Thank you for these pensive words. And yes, my spiritual grounding is important to me.
@lucyt-c8092 Жыл бұрын
God Bless you too Patricia! Stay strong and keep fighting back ! Especially regarding truth telling to children and grandchildren- don’t let the narc paint you ugly when you are NOT ! Best of luck and keep praying !
@cathyleeziemba3508 Жыл бұрын
I have been in your shoes, Patricia. I believe you will make it, and life will get better. You will sort through the confusion and will grow and become stronger. I wish I had known earlier in my similar journey that I must never express criticism of the narcissist to the children or grandchildren- it just hurts them because that is their other parent and grandparent. I try to build up the others affected by the narcissism as I would have liked to be supported, and just have patience that they will eventually see the truth for themselves.
@danmcdonald8522 Жыл бұрын
@@cathyleeziemba3508 excellent comment. The narc relationship is damaging to the whole family. The situation is complicated. Every body has to accept that something is broken but not because of you. Live your best life and you will be fine. God bless.
@cathyleeziemba3508 Жыл бұрын
@@danmcdonald8522 , Thank you! Doing my best to move on, but it is hard to not have regrets or ponder the past and mistakes made after devoting 26 years to a marriage, when you believed in 'forever after' but had to throw in the towel eventually. The best we can do is walk away from the toxic relationship, and work on our own growth, kindness, wisdom and forgiveness- forgiveness of the other party and for ourselves and our mistakes.
@michaelgoldberg7403 Жыл бұрын
Sobering truth: some people are beyond redemption. There are bad people in the world and their numbers are not small. Many times they're ignorant of their own behavior
@irenemcnamara9699 Жыл бұрын
What I do is cave in to their demands, even though they are crushing me!
@collinr811 Жыл бұрын
Watching these videos help me, it's an ongoing battle.
@thescapegoatclub Жыл бұрын
I see it as I have to accept the unacceptable.
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
I wouldn't have been alive. Survival isn't about walking into a minefield, it's knowing you can take another route.
@lynnlewis9938 Жыл бұрын
"There are some things in life that cannot be fixed." Ugh. But it's true. I need to work on accepting this more. So weird to learn that one of my problems is a bit of an eternal optimist deep inside me, when my goal has always been realism.
@laurenpalmer4623 Жыл бұрын
Beautiful talk. “Be the change you wish to see in the world”
@lynnehaeberle5641 Жыл бұрын
Most disappointments and hurt come from unmet expectations……. I expected that my mother, my spouse, my child would treat me with respect. The fact that they didn’t, hurt and devastated me. I now have turned off those expectations. When I don’t expect the kindness, then there is no more shock that goes through my system. It is horrible that I have to do that and that I can’t just relax and enjoy their presence, but it has helped me to cope a little better.
@karenk2409 Жыл бұрын
no, no, no, Lynne! You absolutely should have high expectations that people you let near to you treat you with dignity and respect! It is not your expectations that are in error -- you are turning the blame for their behavior on yourself (which is exactly what they want you to think). It is THEIR horrible behavior and they CHOSE it, not you. 'Nuff of this kind of thinking, my friend!
@LordDeliverUs Жыл бұрын
To deal with the low self-esteem and shame I've experienced with a narc, after failing so many times to try to get that person to try empathy, I gave up. I'm restoring my soul by praying the 14 Stations of the Cross every day. That person can not take away the new found peace I've found as Jesus heals my heart, mind and soul.
@rozdoyle8872 Жыл бұрын
Thank you , if it wasn't for half a lifetime of horrific Narcs in my life I would never have found my own strengths and my individuality despite all the pain , if we all only knew that life doesn't happen automatically , Narcs wouldn't exist , being brought up as wrong and weak and being warned never to make a show of the family has in my opinion and experience created as many Narcs as there are people crucified by them. Just my take on my culture and our family dinamics.
@jandelong5063 Жыл бұрын
Like I saw somewhere on a post or meme online," Narcissists have a problem for every solution" 🙃😊
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Well stated!
@ginafarley6190 Жыл бұрын
I put a note on my refrigerator that says I can’t fix it. The ultimate letting go takes time but you can do it. You’ll need to grieve the death for awhile, but it’s worth it❤
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
You are so rich. BTW, I hope you saw the recent video about radical acceptance.
@anabellaparis1 Жыл бұрын
" It's not you, you are perfect, it's me the problem" my both exnarcs said this same phrase
@DonkThikkness Жыл бұрын
An ugly truth I have been ruminating about lately is “All I ever was to them is Narcissistic Supply.” I wasn’t a child, or a sibling: my purpose was validation, empathy, someone to endlessly rage on, and whatever else they needed to fill their supply. All I got in return was a lifetime of psychological abuse, trauma, and mental health issues.
@catherineofsweden905 Жыл бұрын
“That’s what we do here on team healthy.” (going to start walking like I have him and team healthy standing beside me.) Dr Carter is a blessing.
@cw-wj1vs Жыл бұрын
Absolutely! Through accepting the harsh reality that sometimes life can SUCK, took one heck of a weight off me.
@danilaroche1156 Жыл бұрын
Jesus did say we'd have tribulations in the world. In addition He said we could be of good cheer because He's overcome the world. So don't lose hope y'all!!
@cw-wj1vs Жыл бұрын
@@kaavishnaz417 being good with that will change your perception of the events
@cw-wj1vs Жыл бұрын
@@danilaroche1156 he wasn’t lying 😉
@DominionMovementDotOrg Жыл бұрын
i love that there’s a pupper peacefully sleeping there on the sofa
@themoontoonshines923 Жыл бұрын
His name is Gus and he is most precious!
@punam2151 Жыл бұрын
Beyond redemption. That sounds like the best synonym for narcissism.
@barbarashushack Ай бұрын
@@punam2151 toddlers
@allywolf9182 Жыл бұрын
Brutal stuff....was raised by one- you guys see the giant neon sign over my head that alerts them to my presence? I don't either but predators see it instantly
@twopurringcats Жыл бұрын
I look back on my life and dealing with my narcissistic parents and feel sad but at the same time thankful that I have worked hard not to be like them, and determined to work hard and build a good life/career (I have) and still feel like a work in progress as I go along. I better myself and learn, concentrating on having a better life now that I no longer have my parents in my life. I saved myself from their cruelty and hatred. It's been really hard for me but keeping my head down and focusing on moving forward seems to work for me. My parents never got better. A therapist told me when I was young that their lack of love is one of the hardest truths I need to process. She was right. But I am at peace with my decision to let go and move on. I'm building a better life without their drama so it's sort of a rebirth. And I'm ok with that.
@user-uh5tb9er4o Жыл бұрын
new mantra... "...sincerely, this cannot be fixed. Time to grieve and release." This allows for completion of unresolvable emotional distress from observing others suffering or inability to effect change in a situation. Maybe be "sincerely" will be the new trendy replacement for "literally" lol thanks so much, Dr. C!!
@Ahopek Жыл бұрын
"I just wish..." has been life! 🤯 Yes, trying actively to convince myself that it could potentially be fixable, if this one thing or another would just happen. I need to be done just wishing. I'm desperate to start living.
@bethbrown1393 Жыл бұрын
Heres a quote that I've found helpful: "A pessimist is a well informed optimist."
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Great quote!
@vickimerritt2832 Жыл бұрын
get out before they retire. they are now full time the boss of your every move
@marjoriekestner7936 Жыл бұрын
This summed up my last few months after the separation. All of those items I stand in. Thank you for assisting me in my journey. I do continue prayers for the separated persons.
@julianadelima6726 Жыл бұрын
How healing it is to hear that! Thanks so much Dr. Carter!
@caryokeeffe5664 Жыл бұрын
Team healthy: Love, joy, peace, kindness, mercy. God bless you.
@sage9836 Жыл бұрын
I felt a whoosh of relief. Ok - this is how it is. I spent decades dedicated to the idea that if I brought truth to a situation, then there would be harmony. I studied ethics, philosophy, critical thinking, speaking, journalism, research, and even some law. Decades later, it hit me that messed up situations see truth as a weapon and the bearer as an enemy. So, I learned to just go away. Though not religious myself, I do not rule out miracles. Some things - I say "That's a job for Jesus." They also say "Go in peace." And I like that one.
@notagain779 Жыл бұрын
@Sage, Yes, Sage, well put!
@freefornow2652 Жыл бұрын
When he says" You have to become pessimistic " I almost dropped my phone because after starting to watch Dr. Carter's videos about a month ago I came to the realization that I was wasting my time trying to have a relationship with the narcissis in my life. I became pessimistic and said " To hell with him" the narcissis in my life.😊
@annettemoorshead7019 Жыл бұрын
THIS video content was EXACTLY what I needed today, because this is EXACTLY what I am presently going through and moving through in EXACTLY the same manner you suggested and described here!! Very fitting and timely!! And, very reassuring that I am definitely moving through in just the right way for my healing and a much better quality of life!!!
@user-uh5tb9er4o Жыл бұрын
a friend taught me to try to substitute the word "sincerely" instead of "my truth" this is a good practice for taking the universal truth of forgiveness and a some healthy pessimism. it would be inauthentic and ineffective for me to live in my truths of unconditional love and acceptance when in a relationship or situation with a narcissistic traits dominant individual (or organization)... i have to make myself act from seeing not only "the best in others" and see what keeps me from becoming injured, exploited or oppressed. it's my responsibility to maintain this protective and therefore lifegiving boundary... goes directly against my favorite truth "love everyone and see the best in them" but its the safer and more responsible (do less harm to self and others) way to relate...
@user-uh5tb9er4o Жыл бұрын
it would be inauthentic because i already know entering into a relationship or collaboration with a narc trait dominant person because i don't believe they are safe... so i would be pretending since i would really be trying to not become vulnerable and open to connecting
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
@@user-uh5tb9er4o Open to communicate is okay, without protection growth isn't possible, so that’s simply your right to exist there.
@user-uh5tb9er4o Жыл бұрын
@@RN-gx7wt so wild how we can comprehend these rights! i was thinking that the peacefulness in nature still includes plants releasing chemicals to dissuade pests and competitors... they maintain boundaries to attempt their just change at existing, so could we :) thanks for replying
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
@@user-uh5tb9er4o You're welcome, peace to your heart.
@freebirdy2821 Жыл бұрын
Another interesting truth I find out about narcissist women around me is: they usually have zero chance to meet good men:) no matter how hard they try to attract attention, their personal life is usually about dramas of breaking up relationships or endless divorce:) however, this could only enhance their narcissism.
@gdstudios-fineartcreations2295 Жыл бұрын
"Some people are beyond redemption". Yep.
@bethtaylor9773 Жыл бұрын
This is absolutely true. So why not act like it is? Not wasted time if I learned how to spot and deal better. Forgiveness is freeing, but in this situation with an NPD, it doesn't mean reconciliation...because reconciliation requires two people. Staying out of the line of fire is also freeing.
@katiepayne2479 Жыл бұрын
I saw the thumbnail and wondered what "anugly" was 😀 I get it now
@AlwaysStampinVideos Жыл бұрын
At least it gave a good chuckle 😂
@babbleswhencaffinated751 Жыл бұрын
I picture the serenity of a narc free life as being your doggo on the couch behind you
@chantalberube1246 Жыл бұрын
Love this expression: "...the sobbering truth"... as an optimistic and persevering one it does resonnate in me so much. Thank you for this powerful and calming video .
@thegodblogger3812 Жыл бұрын
Basically, narcs cannot be fixed. Period.
@Ivan-bf2jx Жыл бұрын
I appreciate these Dr.C's therapeutic videos the most. Yes, it's importaint to understand the nature of toxic people impacting my life, but the ultimate goal is to heal and move forward. So thank you Dr.C for these wise and healing thoughts❤
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
You're quite welcome, Ivan!
@floxendoodle942 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. Carter. I needed to hear this today. I’m in my late 50’s and just went no contact with my narc mother a week ago. I’m focusing on the radical acceptance stage right now and this video, I feel, totally aligns with that stance. Thank you again!
@daynapeterson9033 Жыл бұрын
Same here. Been gone 6 months. Be prepared for the hoovering phone calls! Mine would leave a message to call her. As time went on, the msgs were meaner and meaner.
@kamt6582 Жыл бұрын
I came back again knowing in my gut I didn't belong here. I continue to pray for forgiveness for me, forgiveness for my abusers, discernment, prosperity and peace! I remind myself everyday that I got out, I am free, this is a new day to live in God's continuous light! Amen!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
@lisamac8503 Жыл бұрын
Basically accept what you will never change because the change comes from you Accept and move on or if that is impossible then accept and have a plan for yourself for the future You are the only one that can be the change
@thescapegoatclub Жыл бұрын
I completely agree!
@moebanshee Жыл бұрын
I just erase him from my mind he doesn't exist for me of course that ramps him up and I just think how sad he waste so much energy trying to punish someone who wants nothing to do with him
@anne-marieshaffer6241 Жыл бұрын
Such good truths! I knew my ex was not redeemable. Everytime a pastor at church would talk about praying for "restorating marriages", I would pray "not mine, God. Even if he changes, I can never trust him again". I have found that it takes more courage to go against the beliefs that God will fix a bad marriage just because you suffer, endure, and pray than it does to endure the abuse. But expecting God to fix someone is just not realistic as it completely negates our free will. It's not necessarily pessimistic to understand that a narc won't be changed through force by God. It's reality. And it strikes me funny just now to recall how the same people who tell us that God is a gentlemen and will never force Himself on anyone are the same people who tell victims of abuse that God will change the abuser, if the victim just prays more, suffers more, loves more, etc.
@cherrybacon3319 10 ай бұрын
I would always reassure myself and ground myself by realising I still had my own home, my family, even though I was single, because that was far better than being with my Ex X.
@siriastridkristensen4272 Жыл бұрын
If Truth was a colour, I think it would be like granite and gold. If Truth was a room, the windows would be open for the air of reflections. If Truth was a space it would just be space. If truth was a mirror: don't lie to yourself about who you are.
@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын
I like that Siri. Original? I looked and found this one: “The truth was a mirror in the hands of God. It fell, and broke into pieces. Everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and thought they had the truth.” Quote by: Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi
@siriastridkristensen4272 Жыл бұрын
@@aaronkwolfe I wrote it yes. So it's by Siri A.Kristensen
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
I'm blue like a sky, room to invite, space to apply, and a mirror just to say hi.
@siriastridkristensen4272 Жыл бұрын
As everything else I write here. My words, my thoughts, my ideas, my reflections, my insights, my story, by Siri A.Kristensen
@RN-gx7wt Жыл бұрын
Compelling
@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын
Pushing back against the narcissist or in my own case trying to shorten my own healing time from a roll over car accident over the last 3 1/2 years by getting a lot of both rest and exercise while learning more about the world around us too. Just like everyone else does during periods of change which is happening in the world due to the actions of each and every one of us. A couple of days ago I was lucky enough in being able to visit a local antique mall and then visit a second hand store too after I had not slept well the night before and needing to visit the dentists office first in the morning without an appointment. To get a temporary crown which broke the second time reaplied. For sure that too was a sobering experience while I was feeling sleepy. Like when being stopped by a stranger being sober too who just so happened to need someone to talk to at the time. He shared with me about how much happier he is now that he no longer has to live with his daughter who maybe now has moved on to greater things after she got educated to her own satisaction. Then after our discussion he offered to help me and my friend refold 8 yards of what looked like brand new upholstery fabric which I purchased for only $15.00 which we had stretched out to discern how many yards in that bolt of fabric. I didn't fault him for his openness to strangers about his life. The man some would say looked only like a gardner working to heal himself too.
Navigating Narcissism
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