Yesss

Totally. I love Chels 💛

Agreed a 100% I admire Chelsea even more now 😊

To quote one of my favorite commercials, “porque no los dos” (why not both 🤷🏽‍♀️😁) But yeah… love love love the dark humor 🤌🏽🖤

i definitely feel like chelsea is talking clearly about dismantling the wedding-industrial complex (i.e. shifting away from engaging in overpriced, excessive cultural "norms") as opposed to like, simply planning a budget-friendly wedding

I like your spicy attitude, but don't care a bit for the real housewives. Mostly I watch for different perspectives, I don't want to be stagnant in my thinking. Positive vibes from New Hampshire and remember to be kind to each other and yourself

Same here, I love the fact that Chelsea is a real person, goes off on rants and makes mistakes. Maybe it's my own insecurity speaking as for me, it's less intimidating and easier to relate to than perfection.

I couldn’t agree more! I love sassy Chelsea commentary. I’ve also seen lots of other KZfaqrs water themselves down, and it makes the content much less interesting.

I so agree, I've never loved the reaction videos and of course Chelsea managed to turn it around into something productive!

@@howtoadultschool Leave it up to Chelsea, a well seasoned KZfaq content creator to turn things around. This is the content we were missing.👏🏼

@@shari1222 Agreed, I love her even more now!

I agree that in this situation it was a really good choice to have an open conversation but there are situations where the person being called out does not deserve a platform.

@@kalpic11 Oh I totally have seen those kind of situations. But it's so satisfying to finally watch a civil conversation.

that's way more of a US culture and corporate/super capitalist issue more than anything. as they eloquently stated in this video, large corps love to make us feel like we want that in order to make us pay more money. i highly recommend jamie's channel as she takes a lot of that pressure off and encourages brides to do only what they want for their wedding. is that pressure to have a perfect day still there at the end of the day? yea sure bc we have internalized it bc of strong marketing but as long as we are aware and acting purely on our own desires rather than societal pressure there's no need to shame other people on how theydecide to celebrate their day, that's none of our business.

100% I hope Chelsea doesn’t censor herself because of this. She keeps it so real especially as it relates to finances which is SO necessary especially for women.

Things are what you make them. Sure, lots of people have big expensive weddings. Others don't. We all have free will to make our own choices.

@@iluvzurara2 Have you never seen an Indian or African-based wedding before? It's not just the US. Our country may be the founders of capitalism, but when it comes to showing out extravagantly for weddings, nahhh, that crown needs to be shared.

@@MsBloo i mean i was just responding to the OP who i guess should not have just assumed was american but as both the content creators are american, and specifically alluded to the american wedding industry, i was only speaking in regards to the american wedding culture. Also bc the current american wedding culture isn't based on any religion or deep rooted culture and i am american i felt i could criticize and defend where appropriate. im very well aware of the extravagance of indian and african weddings but as im neither indian nor african im not going to criticize wedding industries abroad if i dont know much about them.

leena - chelsea collab when

God, I can't believe Leena commenting here ❤️ Just invite Contrapoints to the party already

100% agree with leena! As per usual. Check her channel out, people, it's gold!

Leena, I initially thought you were the youtuber Chelsea was talking about in her intro lol

It takes Gumption to be so mature & understanding!

That video wasn't humorous. Chelsea was belittling the wedding industry end and the wedding vendors. Watch the video and you will see

@@thatgirl_Devi Clearly you are one of the haters I’m referring to then who don’t get her sense of humour. Chelsea shouldn’t have to tone down her opinions and delivery style because some people don’t like it. If you don’t like it, don’t watch.

@@iknowright140 Clearly you can't see how arrogant she can be. I stopped watching her videos years ago because she can be condescending and I was only here because of Jamie Wolfer's reaction video. Saying that she and her friends "we got class" just because the bride and groom has a cash bar And telling viewers to lie to vendors about hosting a wedding sounds ethical to you?

@@iknowright140 no honey. I'm not a hater because there's NOTHING to hate about 🤣🤣 I just can't stand arrogant people telling others to be unethical.

@@thatgirl_Devi then don’t watch her videos or leave comments. No one cares about your opinion. Leaving a comment on a comment not directed at you and telling someone to watch the video again won’t make them suddenly agree with you… and you thinks she’s arrogant, look at you thinking your option is the only correct one 😂

Considering there are people like me who plan to say the cake and such are for a birthday and not a wedding to try and avoid the wedding markup, I'd say it's predatory.

I very much agree with this, also of course she would defend her business and industry because she pays her rent that way and she loves her work in her mind.

If you're planning a wedding, run from anyone who tells you it's "the culmination of your love story." It's the start of an official life together, a pageant, a party, a commitment made in public. But your love is your love whether you have a huge elaborate event or a tiny dinner at your fave restaurant after going to City Hall. A wedding is not marriage. My DH and I, when wedding planning 19 years ago, had to fight snickering or rolling eyes anytime someone used the phrase, "your special day." Keep perspective, fight the hype. IG is not real life. Thanks for coming to my WED talk.

The whole thing about small businesses was weird too. I get supporting small businesses and I do as often as I can, but I don’t understand why the cost of a service or item would change because it’s a wedding. If I order a cake, the cost should be calculated based on size, ingredients, intricacy, and if it is being delivered. A simple wedding cake should cost as much as a simple birthday cake. If you want a super fancy complicated birthday cake, then you should pay more and that shouldn’t be any different than a wedding cake. Not knowing what the event is for shouldn’t matter as long as you’re being honest about the size of the event and your expectations. The assumption that everybody is going to be this high maintenance bridezilla worthy of an up charge is bullshit and sexist.

@@JessieBanana exactly, I'm all for paying people the value of their labor for their honest work, but honestly the type of event doesn't add to that whatsoever

I C O N I C ^^

I love that little language change, clever!

@@howtoadultschool I wish I was the clever person to coin it but I am not lol

What a terrific way to put that! That really needs to catch on. It could inspire more productive conversations

The job I just left used this during the updated diversity training after the summer of 2020. They decided that it was time to train all the employees on how to address behavior and comments that may be problematic or hurtful in a respectful manner. "Calling in" is something everyone should learn.

The funny part to me is, they agree on so much! Both Chelsea and Jamie are trying to bring awareness to the cultural issues/expectations that can make weddings expensive and how people need to be openminded and flexible and considerate of everyone involved. Chelseas video was very snarky and funny and moreso bringing attention to the financial burdens/expectations you may not realize that you are putting on others or unnecessarily putting on yourself. It wasnt meant as a how to guide to do a cost effective wedding just an eye opener of, some costs may be inflated keep an eye out, dont assume everyone can bear bridesmaid costs ect. Really loved the productive discussion. But Jamie was also very valid to point out that the financial choices involved still are our own choices and not some evil force.

THANK YOU! There are so many people here hating on Jamie. It's so obvious that she comes in good faith, and I believe Chelsea does too. People who disagree with Jamie when she says that a wedding is the culmination of their love story, are not really being honest, imo. As someone who doesn't like pictures, and who feels extremely nervous about hosting parties because of anxiety, I don't think I could get away with telling my fiancé I don't want any of that at our wedding. If I could, I'd get married with just my fiancé, no parties, no guests, only witnesses, no nothing, just to save a ton of money. I sure that I would hurt my mom and my fiancé if I pushed for that. I am also sure that I would end up regret that decision. When you don't have a lot of pictures, or celebrations of small and big moments in your life, it can feel really empty. So to some degrees, parties are important.

@@macyburachio5831In Jamie’s initial reaction video, she agreed with several of Chelsea’s points, and in the conversation on her channel they very much agree. I think one point Jamie made in her initial reaction video was correct. For certain wedding vendors, the markup for a wedding vs another event can make sense like in the photographer example she mentioned, so it’s important to be transparent about the nature of the event your hosting. And wedding photographers have confirmed that there is a difference between shooting weddings and other events where they have to shoot more and bring additional equipment. Our photographer was incredible. Not only do I think she undercharged us, but she stayed past her allotted agreed hours to get final footage. Also Jamie brought up that you absolutely do not have to use a specific vendor if their price doesn’t match your budget. She advises to choose a vendor within budget.

They have one on their channel from last year I think!

Just search “financial diet Caitlin” and it’s the first one that pops up 😁

Caitlin Doughty is awesome!!!

Thank you!

Yes, talk about scams. When I had to bury my parents I paid for things and fees I would never have dreamed existed. I had real culture shock. They take advantage of you at the worst possible time in your life.

Yeah... Chelsea shouldn't have apologized. Specially for things that she was 100% right but just needed more context. The other woman on the other hand, was very rude in her video and she did NOT apologize so...

Excellent comment followed by another great comment!

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@@cutelatina00508 How was she rude?

@@cutelatina00508 how was Jamie rude????? Also Jamie recognizes how expensive weddings are and frequently talks against feeling obligated to spend money??? Literally don't know what you guys are talking about

Agreed!!!

I couldn’t agree more. If more people would be this way the world would have less conflict. Weddings are not on my agenda but I was very interested in how they walked through the conversation. Bravo.

@@glendaw5221 Exactly !

yes! I think it comes down to what they were saying about knowing what is important to you. In my mind drinking alcohol is always optional. I don't particularly value having alcoholic drinks at parties in general, it does not make sense to me to spend thousands of dollars to finance an open bar because my guests might value alcohol more highly than I do.

Absolutely! We had a cash bar but had two drink tickets per guest as the favour, so everyone got to have a drink or two on us, and anyone who wanted to drink more could pay for it. Only exception being my sister who put in a massive amount of work helping with the wedding, so I paid her tab that she used to get loaded and let loose after all her hard work and oh boy did she use it 😅

Great happy medium!

If you’re concerned about this, one other option is to have free beer and wine but limited liquor

I also think an option is just to not invite these people to your wedding. So much money is wasted on relatives you don't want to leave out or other things that are considered "polite". The alcoholics can stay at home.

So True! After the wedding, you have your whole entire life.

They both agree in the other video that if your wedding day is the best day of your life, that’s super sad for the rest of your marriage. I think she is just saying that people view it as the “culmination of your love story” and that’s one reason it’s so much pressure to make it perfect.

you should really watch the other video

Yes! Call me when you’ve made it to 20 years and I’ll put on a new dress, buy you a gift and be ready to celebrate!

Depends on when you get married too. I don't plan on having a wedding but we're getting married after 9 years for some people it could mean something. (For us it doesn't (it's more of an administrative thing))

Agreed. I did not hear a convincing argument about informing vendors if it's a wedding.

I completely agree. And I think that backing down from the viewpoint of the wedding industry as a whole being way too overpriced only serves the message that they should continue their rip-off behavior. I wish Chelsea hadn’t back-pedaled on this. Someone needs to publicly state what many people already know to be true.

You're right that she didn't really back up her argument but I think the point she was trying to make was that these are small independent businesses not big corporations looking for a cash grab. Incidentally from my own experience of working in the wedding industry and planning my own wedding in the UK and Canada (so realise it may be very different for the US) I've never even seen an independent vendor that charges extra just because it's a wedding. Even for venues, if you want to book a Saturday for the whole day and evening in June it doesn't matter what type of event you're doing, it will have the same fee. But that's just my own experience, not exactly scientific sampling!

@@feriellej that's kind of what I mean though. If they don't plan to mark up just because it's a wedding, then why does it matter if you tell them it's a wedding? I feel like there's a step missing that would explain why withholding that information is supposedly deceptive to a small business. If I'm having a dinner party for 10 people and hire a caterer, what about their job changes if those people are gathered to celebrate my wedding? Same for menus or a cake? If the labour involved (and therefore the price) is the same, then why does it matter?

@@roxanewalker5142 Ah I see what you mean. I think my argument came from seeing how people often seem to think that if they don't tell the vendor that it's a wedding then it will save them money. In terms of if it doesn't effect the price then why does it matter my thoughts are it kinda depends on the vendor. For some, you're right it really won't matter (menus, rentals etc.) you won't gain or lose anything. For others it can just help set the tone for what to expect when working with a client. Typically a wedding client will need a lot more support in the planning process than say a corporate client (though not always) so it might influence how many clients the vendor takes on during a certain period. It can also just help with general expectations, the vendor might have specific questions that through experience they know to ask which saves on time, reduces misunderstandings and generally delivers higher customer service. I think for the more involved vendors (venue, caterer, florist, photog) a big part of the client/supplier experience is the relationship that gets built, so if one half of that relationship is actively hiding the nature of the event it could create a weird dynamic. Just a guess though, it's not something I've experienced first hand. I'm imagining a person telling a florist that they're having "just a party" but they want a flower arch, bouquet, table arrangements, additional smaller bouquets and buttonholes and the florist instantly knowing it's a wedding but that the client thinks they'll be scammed if they say the word "wedding"! :D To your point though, a small, relatively hands-off event likely won't make any difference either way.

I agree, the more productive conversation with both content creators really takes away the gossip/drama some 'getting called out' videos have.

I agree that in this situation it was a really good choice to have an open conversation but there are situations where the person being called out does not deserve a platform.

When I got married I literally only had a maid of honor. I showed her my dress, I said wear anything you like as long as it looks nice next to my dress. That way she could buy something cool, in her own budget and wear again.

@@Forceprincess that’s actually very reasonable

I think if you want a specific dress over a certain price point, yes the bride should pay. But if it’s flexible, I think it’s okay for them to get their own. When I got married the only rule I gave my three bridesmaids was “wear a blue dress”. Any shade, any kind.

Yeah we need to normalize letting people re-wear bridesmaid dresses and embracing “non matchy” dresses. Letting people pick their own dresses works, but i think it should be expected for the bride to offer at least a rent the runway gift card, etc, for new dresses even if bride is only picking color.

Only if you’re deliberately picking expensive dresses. If your bridal party are your close family and friends, you could easily ask what budget won’t break their bank. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyone who isn’t mature enough for a simple conversation like that, how are you going to handle difficult marital topics?

Couldn't agree more. We A/B'd quotes for our wedding with, "Say it's a wedding, or don't" and there's a tax. There's also flexibility and assistance for different kinds of events. But nobody cancels a corporate event and expects not to pay. Weddings... not so much.

@@metrazol "But nobody cancels a corporate event and expects not to pay. Weddings... not so much." I get it, if a wedding gets cancelled, you want your money back, but if a client for another type of event isn't getting a refund, neither should a wedding.

Work 6 months in the wedding industry and then tell me if you feel the same way.

@@rebeccadanger9214 I get where this comes from, but this isn't the only service industry that deals with extremely tough customers.

I just recently heard about a friend who approached florists with a specific budget and then asked "what can we do with that?" So the florists weren't able to make arrangements/bouquets for her, but were able to say: "We can provide this many seasonal flowers, and we'll give you recipe cards for how to arrange them." It was such a creative solution, and I think content like Jamie's is helpful for people to know what their options are! I mean, I would agree that if your local pizza place (I live in Chicago, this is a real thing) is delivering pizzas and salad for the wedding, they likely wouldn't have different prices for weddings vs. other events. For a caterer like that, you can usually look up their catering prices in advance, vs. something full service, where you don't know their prices before you talk through the full scope of the project.

that is honestly so reasonable. i was a bridesmaid for a bride that (because the dress was knee-length), we also had to buy the same shoes... i love her... but white, peep-toe, patent, platform stilettos?! i always prayed afterwards for full-length dresses so i could wear whatever shoes i already had.

When I was in high school on a visit to family I didn't get along w (we're all in the US) I picked up a book written in ~1952 called _Sister of the Bride,_ about a high school girl whose college age sister is getting married. There were vivid descriptions of the marathon sewing sessions among the bridal party, as the bride's family rushed to make three or four "seafoam organza" bridesmaid dresses. I grew up uninterested in weddings, but assuming that brides provided the dresses for their party. I discovered later that as some point since 1952 this is no longer an American norm. My point is, I _think_ it used to be. I remember this book much better than I remember my relatives from that visit, but I admit it wasn't that great.

I think we need to stop making it ASSUMED that bridesmaids have to pay for a new dress. It should be the exception. Mismatched dresses are cute 🤷🏽‍♀️ stipends/rent the runway gift cards are a great idea if you want matchy dresses. Normalize re-wearing bridesmaid dresses.

When I was a bridesmaid for my friend (in Finland) we had complete freedom to choose our dresses, and even though I haven't attended many other weddings, I feel like that is the norm here. There were three bridesmaids, and we happened to choose navy blue, forest green and burgundy dresses which made us look a bit like the fairy godmothers in sleeping beauty 😄 the look worked so well with the autumnal decor as well ❤️ Edit: my forest green dress was originally bought to be my graduation dress, another bridesmaid's dress was her prom dress I think, and I think the the third bridesmaid was wearing a dress she bought for something else too.

@@VL-rh5tu I was about to come in and comment this! I’m so happy that in Finland people are usually more relaxed, and bridesmaids can wear what they want just like the guests can. I’ve seen a lot of things come in from the USA wedding culture into the Finnish one, even the fact that there are many bridesmaids and not just one maid of honor (’kaaso’) is kind of a newer developement, and I’m worried that in some years brides will want to coordinate their dresses as well…

Agree. Unfortunately there are often very real social consequences to saying no to a bride.

Good riddance. A "friend" who will cut you off their life for not attending a wedding is not a friend, definitely not one worth keeping.

@@AllTheArtsy I 100% agree, but like Chelsea mentions in the video, a lot of people are conflict-averse and will either a) back down and spend more than they can afford or b) not speak up at all out of fear of even potential conflict or out of guilt.

It's so sad. And on the flip side, friendships can be severely damaged and even end when someone isn't made a bridesmaid who thinks they should've been. It's honestly a big reason why I don't want bridesmaids or groomsmen at my wedding. I don't want the inevitable drama. I know I could just pick some bridesmaids "and not give a crap what anyone thinks because it's my special day" but I KNOW it'll bother my peace.

@@therobotdevil2284I did not have a matron of honor/ man of honor for this reason. It would have been a decision between two best friends and two brothers. People’s feelings have gotten hurt by elevating someone over others. I just had a bridal party and that was it.

This! We wouldn't like a 30% upcharge from a company, "but it's a small business 🥺" shouldn't matter...I like to direct people to small businesses for legit offerings and great services, of course!

Yeah, I was like... This isn't an adequate defense. If these small business owners are charging more for the same product because of labeling. It is fraudulent. Being a small business doesn't inherently make you a nonexploitive entity. Heck so many of those people are the ones crying about how they can't survive unless they can pay their workers pennies on the dollar. So unless there is something actually different about the service you are giving people because it is a wedding. Keep it. Don't tell them vendors it's a wedding. I am not gonna feel sorry for people that want to exploit more money out of me under the guise of 'struggling small business owner.' Don't care that you have student loans to pay, it doesn't give them the right to upcharge.

@@TheOldiie I could possibly understand the photographer, but for the cake, it seems pretty straight forward. You make the cake I commissioned. Whether or not it is for a wedding doesn't really mean much to the cake people. If certain aspects of the cake design requires exceptional skills and more labor, than charge for it. But I fail to see where knowing it is for a wedding changes the cake your customers asked for. I mean if I asked for a spongebob cake, and you said you can make the cake I asked for, but you delivered a cake that looks more like doodlebob. The problem isn't the fact that you didn't know it was for a wedding.

@@TheOldiie you must have forgot where I said if they have to use more skills and labor they should charge for it. If I ask for something just provide it. Knowing what the event is has no real impact on the delivering the product that you were commissioned into doing. Like boohoo, you showed up to the event to deliver a cake and its a wedding. What does it matter? I can't imagine caring about it unless I was upset I couldn't add a wedding tax on it. You seem to confuse me saying it doesn't matter what the event is for wanting services that I didn't pay for so I can be cheap. I mean if I walk in and say hey I need to super fancy cake then of course you should charge me for it. I am not gonna order a basic cake and expect it to be intricate. Charge people for what it is. Being obsessed with what the event is seems shady to me. Listen, I have never needed the services of a cake decorator on a large scale level like a wedding cake or any cake for a large event. But the regular ass bakers don't ask me what the cake is for. I tell them what I want. They make it. They charge me for what I asked for. Where is the lying in that? Besides this whole problem is due to the fact that folks do be scamming people out their money because it's a wedding. They deliver the same exact product, but since it is labeled as a wedding it costs more and there really isn't a reasonable explanation as to why. Saying the icing could melt isn't reasonable. So if having a certain type of icing that doesn't melt cost more, communicate that to your costumers across the board. Don't just make assumptions based on the event they are planning. You don't know how long a party will last. Been to plenty of parties that last just as long as a wedding if not longer to the point were I left before the cake was cut. But the reality is a lot of people want their customers to buy the pricier items and getting to pay for things they don't really need like long lasting icing.

You know, you are right. Catering is catering, for instance. What? Is the chicken marsala magically more delicious because it is for a wedding? I think not. This IS a pink tax!

How are you guys not verified?!?!

Calior, I came to write the same thing! Two Cents, you deserve to be verified! ❤️ your content!

text him on WhatsApp

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Exactly!! This is the MAIN reason i want a big wedding.

Good point, although I wish people would have more family reunions instead of weddings. They are just more relaxed and fun.

The low-key weddings are the fun ones!

Chelsea also changed her attitude as well I think it’s bc in a discussion you can have nuance

@@lauraerwin471 I think Chelsea changed her attitude in the sense that she tried to be sensitive torwards the people who felt offended by her video, while Jamie full on contradicted herself

@@cah94pa I watch both channels and she has points about how for a wedding their are different expectations and tools services need, as well as that a relationship built off lies will not lead to a happy day

@@lauraerwin471 I'm sure that's true :) that's beyond the point, my comment was only about how I still think that Chelsea has the right perspective on the subject. But since you mentioned it, I do remember that in her original video, Chelsea mentions the example of a cake being more expensive only because it was for a wedding, which as a professional cook I know for sure that that's bullshit. In the case of a photographer, I'm sure it's more complex and Jamie's approach might be the right way.

In an Indian wedding, that doesn't work unfortunately ☹ weddings are seen as such a huge deal that parents literally start saving from when you're a kid and actually expect to pay for your wedding, even poorer families that are intact. So, unless you're poor or have huge medical expenses or come from a more disjointed family, chances are, this line won't work... even if you are principally against have a huge wedding, the most you can achieve is maybe scaling it down 50% by not engaging in the more extravagant practices, like photoshoots, and extended buffets, and airconditioned venues etc. So things that would be considered more 'personal' to the bride and groom.. since weddings are considered community events in India.

@@sindhusanthanakrishnan5465 it’s ok I feel you I’m Persian and I’ve been experiencing the same degree of pushback 😅 at some point we have to just stand our ground and being as independent (financially) as possible helps

I feel like a lot of Jamie's rebuttals kind of come down to "no one is /forcing/ anyone to do anything" - which, okay, sure, i guess. But there are tons of pressures and expectations and it isn't always as simple as "just say no"

@@supernova622 Exactly. And even a small wedding is insanely expensive, too.

All it costs to get married is $100 and a trip to the courth house. That being said, anything additional you do is completely your choice. You have to decide what's worth it and what isnt. Some would rather travel the world for 6 months than spend $30k on their wedding. I am not one of those people, but to each her own.

@@supernova622 If you don't respect your own budget then that's a personal matter. The wedding my brother and sister in law wanted would've cost upwards of $100k. Their budget was $50k, so guess what they did? They respected their budget and said no to things that didnt fit in it. This isnt just for weddings it's for life. If you can afford that Gucci belt, treat yo self. If not, go to Walmart and buy the cutest $10 belt you can find.

I agree that in this situation it was a really good choice to have an open conversation but there are situations where the person being called out does not deserve a platform.

The prevailing definition of "be respectful" is "Do not say or think anything that offends me." So you've unintentionally gotten to the bottom of the matter - people believe they have a right not to be offended, and you don't. Until people accept that others have different, sometimes offensive opinions and perspectives and can gain the ability to listen to and engage with things that directly offend them without attempting to control their opposition (You can't say that! You can't use that word! etc), there will be nothing but growing division and zero room for reconciliation or learning.

@@etaaramin9361 I disagree, a lot of people are offensive for clicks and attention because attention can monetized on KZfaq, Facebook, and other social media platforms. Furthermore offensive stereotypes, opinions, or words produce harmful attitudes and behaviors towards groups of people(minorities) especially when shared widely. Also the argument that “people think they have a right to not be offended” is strawman. Nobody thinks they are not going to be offended, but people will correct, combat, or argue with you when you have crossed the line with them. If you want to get spicy with someone please don’t expect for a gentle, kind response in return.

@@jamesbaxter222 It's one thing to stand your ground and entirely another to try to shut down a conversation. It isn't "spicy" to do so, it's generally a sign that the person is incapable of effectively arguing their points and so relies on evasions or fallacies (usually Genetic Fallacies like ad hominems) to "win" an argument.

I wholeheartedly agree. I just watched Jamie's video for context and there were several commenters who previously watched TFD and no longer do for that exact reason. Chelsea might not be for everyone but she is definitely for me lol

Thats my biggest gripe about weddings too. If someone has the money and wants to go all out, then do you sis BUT 90% of the weddings i have gone too/know about are people in their late 20s/early 30s who had to take a loan or 'request a gift from their parent/godparent" (my partner's father had to put out $60kTTD for his brother's wedding and the bride's family did the same). After the big shindig they go back to renting. To me i rather take that 120k and use to towards buying some land or paying for a mortgage. Something more productive.

@@tamiwithani This is really making me think but I can't help but lean towards feeling like a certain kind of wedding is important to me and something I'm jealous of others being able to have and i want to have it too. And what does that mean in my head when I say certain kind? Idk. I'm not sure the cheapest way to get the elements i most want. I think I want atmosphere and an enjoyable big many hours long gathering and... Well. Maybe it would be less important to me if more people in my circles invited me to weddings but like i would've gone to two second cousins' weddings but then COVID happened so that didn't happen. One had a smaller wedding without guests like me instead. The other might still have the big wedding one day but had a tiny wedding of just them for now. But I'm 31. Back when I was 23/24 two of my friends from high school got married a few months apart and when I was 6 my aunt got married. Those are the only weddings I've been to in my life. But I have also been to Bat Mitzvahs I've been jealous of from those same second cousins back when I was like 13 years old and ever since then dreamed of being able to invite everyone I would want to to be dressed up at a fun party with me with delicious amazing free food for them and just all sorts of memories they'll never forget. It was... Really something to witness and I want it badly enough I'd be willing to rent for where i live for longer to make that happen sooner, because it's less important to family members to come if they know you're already married vs if it's the real big actual right timing for the celebration. I was so frustrated and hurt and disappointed that even the memorial gathering for my mom wasn't enough of a reason to convince some of her siblings to come to support and talk to me. I think i long for deeper connections and conversations with some of them and someone being at your wedding i think makes them feel closer to you and like they know you more. My own wedding day might not be a time to be able to talk to most people who come but the day before or after is likely to be something where i can and do make it happen. Things like that wish are complicated sets of messy feelings. But i want to be in a pretty dress and feel like a princess. And it's been so long since I've been able to experience the joy of being a guest at one of these things. And i want to provide an experience for others and create a memorable experience for myself.

but like, that's fine isn't it? You got to have your wedding your way, some other people would be happy to spend that much on a wedding - I'd agree that the wedding industry often pushes people to go all out for their wedding, when oftentimes they don't need or want to - but when it's just personal preference, I wouldn't judge someone for spending money they had on a wedding. Someone I know did put their entire 30K wedding on a credit card they couldn't afford to pay off though and that, I think, is crazy.

@@tamiwithani That's their own fault tho. If they had a budget there are vendors and venues that can work for them. Rent a local community center, use fake flowers instead of real, buy a cake from the local grocer, go to David's Bridal for the dress or buy a used one etc but they didn't want to do that did they? They wanted luxury. They wanted one of a kind. Being in debt is their own fault then. They should have managed themselves better.

It costs more because people have higher demands on their wedding day. For example, most people don't need full-service catering for a regular party, but it's usually a good choice for your wedding day, unless the bride and groom don't mind spending hours cleaning up after the reception.

It costs so much because people get caught up in wanting EVERY aspect of the whole day and even weeks leading up to the wedding to be completely "perfect" in every way possible. This results in people demanding luxury goods and services for all kinds of tiny details instead of focusing on their top priorities and letting everything else be "good enough" or left out all together. No one is forcing anyone to pay for LUXURY products and sevices! The only thing a wedding truly requires is a marriage license and someone to sign it. Everything else is a voluntary choice, just like deciding if you want to get a purse at Target, Macys, or Louis Vuitton. People complaining about the wedding industry are the same as people who HAVE to have LV but think it should cost $50. 🙄

As a person who had to cancel their wedding and was looking at scheduling a reception six months after we legally got married. The prices were exactly the same. And I never use the word wedding or marriage or elopement. I said anniversary party. And all the prices were the exact same.

Nah I didn't tell anyone it was for my wedding and we spent about 5k in total. Afterwards I called the same people and said it was for a wedding the charges went up 10x as much. The whole industry is a scam. You shouldn't apologise for anything Chelsea

And the college industry.

Just wanted to point out that this is also what Jamie says in her video, so they agree on this. I think it's great that there's more focus on seeing weddings as a luxury or how to work around a budget.

this is very true, the whole societal pressure thing. i have no plans of getting married, but a friend does, and she's been stressing about the costs of the wedding party and the house she wants to buy, etc etc. another friend suggested (based on a local influencer's advices) to make use of the pandemic's quarantine rules and have a wedding without the party so she can afford the house, but the first friend was unsure bcs of pressure from both her parents and her bf's parents to have a grand, beautiful wedding. i'm all for supporting her and her decisions, but there are times when i feel like whacking the parents for all the expectations they're heaping on the couple since they're not exactly the richest people around.

Agree!

Agree too!!

Agreed...she doesn't need to walk back or apologize for anything from the original video. A lot of people don't realize the amount of mark up that occurs just because the label wedding gets added. Even if someone feels she was a bit snarky, I think it is valid to be snarky about predatory pricing practices and the pressure that people feel to spend way beyond what they can afford for a party. I applaud her for encouraging people to be more thoughtful about wedding planning and really considering how over spending will impact their future possibilities.

She's also racist and a grifter!

Ive been a viewer of both tfd and jamie wolfer for a while now and both seem fairly reasonable most of the time. I promise you Jamie gives so much helpful advice FOR FREE to help those who cant afford a wedding planner. Lets not tear down others to raise someone up without any specifics about why you feel that way

@@cacovie what happened!?

i came here to say this. I think it is crazy to require other people to pay to do you the favor of participating in your event. If it doesn't fit in your budget, don't do it!

I tried to be super chill about my bridesmaid dresses. Gave everyone swatches and asked them to get as close to that as possible. Didn’t care about the style, only the colour. My colors were purple and gold and I figured gold would be easiest to find. So, one of them goes and buys a dress from a wedding shop that was liquidating. Final sale. She didn’t have the swatch with her and bought the dress anyway. It was over $200, even on clearance. She got home and it wasn’t close. The dress was a mix of butter yellow and a pale olive green. 😩 She really hoped I would be okay with it. And I really, really wasn’t. I felt terrible even though it was nothing I did. So, I bought fabric and patterns for my attendants. The pattern was a really flexible one when you could change the sleeves and neckline, etc. I wish I had done that from the beginning. It was the best decision and ensured they got some choice while I got the colour I wanted!

We paid for everything except the shoes and alterations. Makeup, hair, and dress was on me!

this video is more indicative of jamie's style/poise! i've been subbed to both ladies for years.

If you see Jamie's video she seem agreeable too, she said at some points that Chelsea was right in some things so I don't see her response right now disingenuous

She was a tiger from afar but a kitten up close, just like a lot of the internet lol but yeah Jamie was waaaay more dismissive of the societal issues surrounding weddings in her reaction vid. Almost like she was just looking for something to get offended by for clicks and views...

have you watched any recent wedding content? white and strapless is certainly not the trend now. white for sure is dominant but color is becoming much more acceptable. and a lot of this money could be used for a home? please tell me when was the last time you went house hunting bc last time i checked even a $2k..even a $10k dress wouldn't make a dent, homes are that expensive. who are you to shame others on how they decide to celebrate their day? im amazed at the amount of shame ppl are so comfortable expressing.

I see no shaming just someone sharing an opinion..

@@iluvzurara2 The wedding content I've seen seems to be overwhelmingly white and strapless. I meant that it could be used towards a home, such as helping save up a down payment. And, it's not just the dress, it's all the other stuff that money is spent on. I've had 2 friends who had very simple weddings without a lot of cost and they are just as married as if they had spent a whole bunch more money on a wedding.

@@kathrynsamuelson1983 congrats to them. however everybody can live how they please. im sure there are plenty of divorced couples who had simple low cost weddings and im sure there are plenty of couples still together after spending a lot of money. im sure there are even ppl who are together for decades and never even get married. what ppl decide to do for their weddings has nothing to do with the longevity of their marriage/relationship.

Hear hear! My husband introduced me to TFD and Chelsea’s snark is what kept me around.

nope she doesn't

@@cacovie the only thing I disagree with her on is - passing on the cost of a cash bar? Alcohol is an optional cost - I wouldn't be offended if I turned up to a wedding and there was a cash bar, as long as they let me know obviously so I wouldn't turn up with no cards or cash. Presumably they're already paying for my food and entertainment, if I didn't have to spend a lot to get there, I don't think they *need* to pay for my alcohol? In fact, that seems more like a weird wedding standard - most parties I go to are BYOB

@@abcdefgold yeah I found that part to be SUPER weird. Clearly she’s never been to an Irish wedding. They can go till 5am and have 300 guest. You’d be bankrupt doing an open bar. I feel like open bar weddings are an invite to a sloppy mess too.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

They aren’t milking you dry though. There are hundreds of thousands of businesses that do the same thing, you don’t have to pay for one that is too expensive for you

Small businesses that charge double or triple for "wedding" labeled items as compared to the same item not labeled as "wedding " is milking you dry and borderline scammy.

@@ChristosAlexakos I’m not saying it’s okay, I’m only pointing out that you should simply go with an alternative business instead of turning onto a liar and trying to deceive them

It might just be the difference between a small business and a big business. If you work for a big business, you are not directly responsible for all the administrative costs involved in running the business. You charge your fee and potentially a smaller portion of admin costs because there are more employees to spread it out over and that’s it, whereas small businesses with few employees will have to throw a higher percentage of admin costs into their fees.

Idt that really means that their weddings weren’t worth it. Maybe (hopefully) they had a good time dropping 3 stacks on a day. Just last week my family was longing for a wedding. I’d enjoy a party but I’m not as interested in marriage yet

the more modest the wedding the longer you stay together? Can you share the data on that?

Just an anecdote, but the most extravagant wedding I ever attended was for the shortest-lived marriage. The couple split up after less than a year.

Especially if they couldnt 'afford' it. Living in la la land then reality sets in. Breeds contempt

@@ziolp Yes, there was a study done that if the engagement ring was under $2,100 the marriages lasted longer. It also said people that spent more than 3000$ on their wedding didn’t stay together compared to couples who spent less.

Because you're being dishonest with people. People, who are frequently small business owners and have their wedding rates for a reason. If a photographer is hired for a birthday party or family reunion or 40th anniversary, it's very different expectations from someone getting married. You can be a grown-up and talk about your expectations and negotiate price without lying. If your vendor isn't working with your expectations or your price, don't hire them.

I think you shouldn't lie to a vendor who will be there on the day of. Like a photographer or a DJ. But if you are picking up the product and that's the end of the relationship you don't need to share that detail with them (like a printer, or rentals)

@@hollylockhart9423 I can agree with that, but I think it extends to caterers and cake people that drop off stuff to your venue as well. Or maybe you're including them as well... Idk

@@TheOldiie but catering should charge based on menu items and number of guests and cake delivery fee is something you’d have anyway on any occasion? What does that take away from them?

It saved YOU money, for the next person it may COST them money. If you lie to me about the type of event you're having (which I will more than likely find out), by contract, I have the right to forfeit my services/products WITHOUT refund.