WELCOME TO THE COMMENT SECTION. I encourage you to talk about yourself here and avoid the temptation to tear others' perspectives down. There's a poll if you click the "i" in the right hand corner of the video and if you haven't done the quiz, here's the link thegameofdesire.com/commitment

I love the idea of modern monogamy, cause I’m not going to hold on to something that’s not working for me. I want to be able to move on to someone else of it’s truly not working.

Monogamous Asexual sounds like a dream come true. I basically just need an emotional support human 🤷🏾‍♀️

I've taken the quiz several times and kept getting free relationship, but throughout the video, I was like "oh that could work for me" and "hmm that sounds nice" for every style. Then I realized that wanting a free relationship is just that--- wanting to have that flexibility to assess what's working and what's not as my partner(s) and I grow and change and fitting our style to our current needs. Thanks for helping me realize that Shan!

I found out I am a DTF (Down To Figure it out) Relationship. Meaning that my relationship style can change and I am adaptable as long as that's what is best for me and my partner or partners

I believe in monogamy. Even though I've always tried to be open to the idea of polygamy I don't think it is for me. Being exclusive to someone is what really make a relationship truly meaningful.

This is random, but I appreciate square space...they always sponsor my favorite content creators. Oh and I believe in monogamy.

I am a Christian that believes in biblical principles and my results came out to Free Relationship. I believe it came out to free relationships because I believe that communication is important in a relationship. I also understand that one person is not made to fulfill all our needs, so demanding that from a person is unrealistic. Communication is key. I believe commitment is important but in order for commitment to work, free communication is important.

My phone: new KZfaq notification from Shan Boody Me: drops everything I’m doing.

Watch out to not conflate asexual and aromatic there is some overlap but not all asexuals are disinclined to relationships. I’m asexual and free relationship prone.

I'm a polyamorous woman, currently in a non-commitment situation. I Love the fact that when we're together, it's like seeing your long-distance partner, but I'm not ready, right now, to do anything more than just enjoy time and space with them. I was in a poly marriage for 6 years, up until 2 years ago, and I just need company and fun on occasion: no responsibilities, no sex, no romantic investments. I love everything about relationships and would love to engage in one, again, but I've got repair work to do before inviting anyone into my space, in that way. I just want to smile again

I really appreciate you laying out this information Shan. 💕 I’m from the American south, so here the societal narrative is really that of “if you love someone, you commit to them fully, and if not you’re a cheater.” So when I took your quiz a few months ago I realized that having an open relationship is something that is a valid form of relationship. I was in a strictly monogamous relationship with a traditional monogamist for over 3 years, and I felt so trapped and almost suffocated but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. When I was single, I became so depressed because of the lack of human connection, but regardless of how much I liked the person I was hesitant to catch feelings because I didn’t want to feel trapped again and hurt them. Now I’m in a relationship with a person I’ve been friends with since 6th grade. We’ve since discovered that we both are pansexual and prefer open relationships. Knowing that what I want is okay and that I don’t have to limit my feelings to just one person is so freeing. I feel like I have more time to focus on loving my partner because I don’t spend any mental energy feeling trapped or like I’m holding in a big secret about what I actually want. I could cry I’m so happy with my life right now, and it never occurred to me before that open relationships were okay and valid. THANK YOU SHAN!! I’m sending you a big hug through the computer screen. 😆💕

Modern monogamy, I believe in choosing one person to love and grow with while experiencing “everything” together. But if the relationship develops into a toxic situation. I’ll say my peace and wish them the best.

Crazy how relationships have changed in 2019-2020. I find it so hard to date around. A lot of men I find think it's okay to be casual. I am open minded but I find so many people don't close previous relationships and therefore it gets complicated when they try to come onto me. And I'm just left. A lot of people need to learn balance and committment.

I'd call the relationship I'm in right now open.. Open to see where our current connection is taking us or rather, where we take it. As well as both having freedom to meet with others with honest communication. I can honestly say that I haven't desired to be with anyone else since meeting him tho. 💕 Love & Appreciate your content Shannon 🙌🏾🌷

Free Relationship ✨ very accurate result for the relationship I have with my husband. Great video Shan!

Thanks so much for sharing! I was featured on here with @FaShonVega under polygamy or polyamory & it was actually a lot of fun to do this interview. I appreciate the different perspectives as well

so beautiful seeing all of these people with other people that perfectly match their commitment style😍😍 also loved seeing your parents! i got modern monogamist from the quiz

Shan love this. Next time can you add the relationship type in the topcorner of the interviews as they speak? Helps grasping the conversation even though the clips are entered at the relevant moments

My current relationship style is open. My partner and I have been in a free relationship since we got together, starting out as monogamish, but we have recently opened up to outside experiences. At first we had the boundary of no sex to ease ourselves into it and learn to communicate better, but we have recently taken that restriction off. I personally resonate most with a polyamorous relationship structure, because as I have started to see a new partner, I truly believe that I have the capacity to love them both fully. I don't think that they are equal, since their roles in my life as soulmates fit in my life differently. For example, one of my partners and I have a really beautiful history of friendship and business together, so our relationship is definitely different than my other relationship, but that doesn't mean I value it any less. And I haven't had many casual experiences that I have enjoyed, so I'd like to experiment more with that and see if that is something that I can incorporate into my life. In the past I have always needed romantic, emotional connection to open up sexually with someone, but I think as I grow into my sexuality more that might change. The best part about the relationships that I have is that everything is on the table, from monogamy, to open relationships, to polyamory, and even times of complete celibacy. I feel like I will personally go through stages of all kinds of relationships (except traditional monogamy lol). I really want to learn more about polyamory in practice though, because I don't feel like I want a triad, or any relationship where we are all seeing each other since I really value one on one intimacy, but I want to be able to develop multiple, deep relationships, maybe even multiple long term relationships.

This is such a healthy discourse you’re bringing to the table Shan! I feel like it’s also important to discuss the negative labels and connotations sometimes assigned to people who don’t necessarily subscribe to the more traditional type of relationships (with terms like “hoe” sidechick” “mistress” “homewrecker” etc often being thrown around) and how we can move pass those misconceptions and judgements.

Howdy Shan, i always been a monogamous type of guy. I always had this idea of just being with one girl whose nurturing, strong minded & assertive as in knowing what she wants & can communicate it. Even tho i always been a one woman kinda guy; i usually have met women who were the opposite. They are more airy or free in their views on love. Like it's never been normal. It's been difficult to find that person whose like me. Maybe I'm meant to learn from women who are different from me right? I appreciate your channel for making it safe to talk about our preferences for romance, how to express my needs & how you teach us healthy proper ways to express those feelings to the person we in a relationship with or we really like with no judgment. Blessings to you & your viewers ♥️🌟

this is super interesting. I feel like I’m somewhere in the monogamous boat leaning more toward modern. I’d love to hear more from your parents about how your work and studies have changed their relationship/love-life. It sounds like they are open to more possibilities.

I got serial non-committed dating. But I feel that I could fall into a lot of those categories, depending on how I feel in the moment. However, I am married, but I do enjoy a lifestyle of freedom with commitment and accountability, which I do have with my spouse. And I thoroughly enjoy our relationship and it’s monogamy.

I feel so informed, i loved the video & then Jared's music comes on at the very end and I'm just groovin💃🥳🧚‍♀️🌈🎶

This was perfect. I learned so much. And it feels good to have some resources and relatability

Hi shan....loving these vids watching from South America ...Guyana

This is great content! I learn so much from it! I've ditched TV for KZfaq. I enjoy seeing your growth as you live out your passion, say it like you mean it and expand your platform to increase representation on all levels. I don't know you, but I am SO proud of you and rooting for you! By the way, I took your quiz and it says that I have a "Free Relationship" commitment style. Wow!

Thank you so much for this! I’ve really struggled to understand and clarify my own thoughts and feelings towards relationships and the traditional monogamy model, which has led very recently to hurting two people I care very much about. I took the quiz and immediately identified the description as being of me so I can now start to understand my circumstances more clearly and learn the language of how best to describe this to potential future partners. Thank you x

I'm taking notes, cause when I'm ready to get back on the dating field, this will be useful information.❤️

I’m Down To Figure It Out! I feel this is accurate in that when I think about a relationship, the idea of committing myself completely to one person makes me wonder about all of the “What if...?” scenarios, including the same questions my potential partner might be having. Comfort is key in a healthy relationship, in my opinion, and the best way to achieve this seems to be through communication, honesty, and a level of understanding. At the same time, I also heavily enjoy being cherished by my primary partner!

this was so informative shan, i'm grateful for what you bring to my knowledge about relationships. free relationship matches me perfectly~

Took the test: I am a “Free relationship” kind of gal. I think that is a fair assessment for how I feel and what I want from a relationship at this time in my life

Vega and Trish are the dopest people ever!! Their energy and spirit are so genuine!!

Omg!!! I made it into the video!!! Thank you for this informative conversation ❤️❤️🥰🥰

Shan, I just realized that you use the addiction formula to us, the viewers!!! RESPECT GIRL! It works... You always post in bursts- non expected nor announced 😂 And it results into us not getting bored, I always open your videos when they come because i guess my brain doesn't know when the next time will be when you post another one 👍👍👍👍

Really enjoyed this video, love the conversation and everyone’s view and their experiences...side note Shan you are looking all types of beautiful ❤️❤️

Hey I’m in this! Thanks so much for letting Alex and I be a part of this ❤️ (I’m @priscillasunflower)

Free Relationship and Modern Monogamist besties here!! Took the quiz before watching the video, love u Shan x

I just love you, Shan

Thank you for this informative video on the various commitment styles! I also very much appreciated the quizzes. They allowed me a brand new perspective on how I approach relationships, and overall self-awareness. I believe it critical for everyone to have this basis of knowledge, so that they may be authentic in who they are, and clearly communicate their boundaries and desires to their romantic parner/s. I am securely attached & DTF. I strongly believe in the individuals coming together maintaining their authenticity, expressing and living exactly who they are and fully loving and experiencing life together. My free commitment style indicates how important, full, romantic, strong, beautiful & expansive that connection with your partner is, going with the flow of life together and accepting & embracing all that each other are. There is so much freedom & respect in true unconditional love for yourself and your partner/s.

I took the quiz twice but several months apart in between so it's not like I remember my answers. I got Free Relationship both times but I also see myself as Monogamish and I identify as asexual. Great video, Shan!

GRRRRRRREAT quiz!!! I didnt know where I was gonna end up since I'm single right now but have always been in monogamous relationship. And by definition "Free Relationship" TOTALLY describes me. Because I don't believe in one person forever, and although I've always been in monogamous relationships I am totally open for open, poly or moonlighting relationships as long as communication between myself and my partner is always there

I'm a Modern Monogamist (single right now though), I believe in being with one person at a time but I don't believe in staying with that same one person forever and ever.

Love this 🙌🏾

For my bday 2 weeks I asked my partner to buy me your book.cant wait to start reading it!

This is a very interesting video! When I took the quiz I got 'free relationship', which makes sense to me. I'm in all aspects of my life always open en free to whatever comes. I did start thinking about maybe wanting an open or poly relationship style, but my partner doesn't want this, which I can absolutely understand. We've now transitioned to 'monogamish', acknowledging that we both feel attracted to others and being able to share those experiences but setting clear boundaries instead of just assuming some sort of invisible monogamous default. I might in the future decide to want to explore a more open relationship style, but I'm honestly excited to see how this will go.

I actually needed this ! That’s a sign

I did the quiz and got ‘free relationship’ and when I was watching and you were talking about the serial non-committed dater, and I was like no I think that’s me, and I was convinced- but when you starting more deeply explains the free relationship it was 10000% like I’ve never been able to explain it myself

Bruh...you got your folks to converse on this topic!!.....Girl you wild!!! 😂🤣 EDIT: Damn Shan your quiz hit my persona on the head...... 🔥🔥🔥

I got monogamish, which after some time of being in a current long term relationship makes all the sense now lol thanks Shan again ✨

I got free relationship on the quiz, and that makes sense to me. Everything I do is very fluid and always changing. I can't imagine always wanting the same relationship style for the rest of my life. 1. I don't think I see myself being with one person forever and 2. I think relationships with different people can't always be the same style.

I love that you added in an older couple and also people from other countries bc that goes to show that the rejection of monogamy or practice of other methods of loving exists outside of our western context(and honestly always has). I think when I first took this quiz my results were more so what I could do ideally but after hearing you describe your definition of open relationship on "no chaser" and the other styles here I definitely don't fall into "open relationship" in praxis but I COULD with the right partner. I'm keen to only want one sexual partner at a time and foster a deep connection and frequent communication but I also like to leave room to have just as much time for friends and family or even fostering some level of intimacy with other people. It's also dawned on me that my dating style can change which I hadn't really thought of when I took the quiz before so I don't have to be married to "open" I can allow to shape based on what's going on in my life. I love your content on relationship styles, it keeps my approach to relationships sharp.

I’m a free relationship type. I read the description and it definitely described how I am in a relationship.

modern monogamous after the quiz! explains a lot lol thank you

As an asexual, I got polyamorus. I haven't been in many relationships to know if this is accurate for me or not. But I don't want to have sex and I don't want to limit a partner if they have that desire. So, I can see why I got that result. I do wonder what answers you'd have to give on that quiz to end up with asexuality. Loving the content around your book Shan!

I really enjoy your channel. This episode was very good because you get to hear people perspective on their relationship "choice." I put that is quotations becuase I am a modern monogamous person and ive met people who look at me sideways because i am not into polygynous types of relationships. I found that offensive because i believe people should be able to choose what works for them without being judged for it. I am very open minded to people's choices. And i respect them but dont try to convince me of why i should be something other than what i am. Thanks lady this was a good one.

I have learned so much in this video! 😊 food for thought! I'm scared of everything that's not monogamous to be honest. Open relationships scare the hell out of me haha

I feel so included because a national of Trinidad and Tobago was on the video and with my style. I am a Modern Monogamist.

Thanks for sharing our video!! #freerelationship

Hey Shan, love your work and I think this video is super helpful! That said, I am on the asexual spectrum myself and am not sure that it quite fits with the definitions you laid out. Asexual is a queer identity, and not really a relationship style. Something that may be a better fit is aromantic, but there are still some nuances there, as this is also a particular queer identity. Asexuals and aromatics can have any relationship style, although there may be some that we lean twords. Basically, the aro and ace communities are close allies, but we don't always overlap; you did a good job acknowledging that when you noted that we may desire romance without sex. However, aromatics may experience the opposite: sexual attraction without romance. And of coarse someone may be both aromantic and asexual at the same time. The reason I bring this up is in these communities, the distinction between sexual and romantic attraction is very important, and may influence their relationships in specific ways. I know some asexuals that are in traditional monogamous relationships, that engage in sex sometimes because it is important to a partner and therefore is important to that relationship, where as another asexual freind of mine left their relationship sexually open to their partner because they did not want to engage in sex but wanted their partner to feel fufilled. Because of this, I thought "aromantic" style would fit better there, as aromatics may avoid romantic relationships and "fly solo"(although not always, and there is a spectrum here as well). For example, I have a freind who is aromantic, but heterosexual, and may do hookups or a fwb type thing, but avoids romantic relationships entirely. I also know an aro-ace who has neither sexual or romantic relationships. Both of these are fairly common. In fact, aromatics sometimes form their own unique relationship type, the queer platonic relationship- in short, platonic life partners without romance. And otherwise, the Aromantic comunity often advocates for stronger non-romantic relationships, like stronger friendship bonds or chosen families. Anywho, that is a lot and I know u didn't have time to get into it but In short I'd look into the Aromantic community for that final spot! In my personal life, I find myself as a modern monogamous, but with room for my partner to be more sexually open. For example, I know for a fact I am attracted to many genders romantically (biromantic) but rarely experience sexual attraction (gray-ace), so I was very confident in my identity. However my former partner was a bit bicurious, so I wanted him to be able explore that if he felt he needed to. And I acknowledge that although I am not sexually attracted to multiple people, my partners often are.I find being asexual and navigating your boundaries around sex often leads to more closely examining my relationship dynamics and adjusting for what fits my partner and I best.And I think asexuals in general tend to lean away from traditional monogamy sometimes, because many people see sex as an obligation in that sort of relationship, which many aces may not be ok with.

Thank you Shan!

I love the ideology of a MODERN MONOGAMY because it's truly rapresents me. Well correctly I'm not in a relationship but not to long ago I was;watching your videos helps me a lot because: before entering in another relationship I want to first of all know my self (what I want ect), and how to make my future relationship work as well as possible.

“What they are offering you in the moment is what they are offering you”

Discovered something about me today. Was fun watching so thnk you very much for sharing!! First I thought modern monogamous (because people can be toxic) than monogamish (because, I m not the jealous type but I don't like sharing sexual partners but like to flirt and alladaaaahhhhhh) but like the test said '' free relationship '' and I kinda agrees with it but probably after several years in the relationship.

This was SO interesting! I was put off by the title but I learned so much about sexual freedom! I live in an society/environment where monogamy is the norm, and never thought I had the freedom to be anything else! I believe so many people would find a great partner if they would only allow themselves to be sexually free and ever evolving. Deep down I desire sexual freedom but emotional monogamy, I truly hope and can find it someday without confusing the two and hurting myself in the process.

Refreshing video! I feel like I'm many of these things, really depends on the day. I took the quiz and got "Moonlighting," but after hearing the definitions in the video, I feel like I'm more monogamish. My partner is definitely a modern monogamy guy. I'm going to make him take the quiz just to make sure :)

SUPER informative! As an asexual person I do desire romantic relationships but have often wondered how to make relationships work, as I imagine any future partners will most like want to have more sexual experiences than I do.

Coming from a small country town & marrying young definitely made it difficult to understand and embrace who I truly am & what I truly wanted. I married someone whom I thought was free and open to communication, but really they were pretending to communicate & accept me. This was a recipe for disaster that went on for 7 years & was totally unfair to both of us. The biggest lessons I’ve learned: never assume that you’re on the same page with someone, and only honor consent. The absence of ‘no’ really does not mean ‘yes’. My excuses of “I thought you knew” definitely felt dumb when I realized this. Excited to never make these mistakes again.

I took the quiz and got traditional monogamy and I agree because marriage is important to me and I want to be married to one person. I'm not married yet so I think I I'm a modern monogamy while dating because I don't just want to make it work with someone just because I'm dating them. Once we decide to be married then that's it, you're stuck with me buddy. But I'm open to divorce too, so maybe I'm all over the place. lol this was so helpful Shan!

I'd love to hear you talk about "grey asexual" relationships or bring in perspectives from people who are in romantic relationships where sex isn't a priority but still happens sometimes. I just ended a relationship with a man who had a super high sex drive and I didn't enjoy how sex was a necessary compartment of keeping the relationship healthy. It put a lot of pressure on me to try to do it more often than I liked and sex became a burden and a chore. I'd like to hear from asexual and grey-asexual people how they've managed their relatively sex-free romantic relationships!

So many new terms.. At this moment in my life, I'm DTF💞✨

I need to talk with my "boyfriend" both libras but im the one who communicates on a extreme level to him it seems like a task. We need to talk about this video asap

Please make a video on how to properly communicate your commitment style with others !

My results is Free Relationship. I was in the worst "situation ever". Now with new partners we would all work on getting to know each collectively and the communication would be powerful.

My results informed me that I am monogamish but I am currently in an open-relationship. It’s still new and I am having issues with jealousy as a result of comparison. The idea of being in an open-relationship doesn’t deter me but I really want to get to a point where I don’t feel compelled to check-in and compare myself or my relationship. Mainly for my own security; whether me and this person make it long-term or not, this is something that I don’t want to struggle with even in my life outside of my relationship.

I came cuz of the roommates podcast. I subscribed cuz of the SCIENCE based advice. I bought your books cuz of the mad respect I have for what you do.

I got Free Relationship. But to be honest i've never been on a relationship, so my lack of experinced might made me have an unrealistic view of myself as a potential partner. Anyhow, I loved how this relationship style was defined as Down To Figure It Out! cause i really identify with that.

Love this video

Yasssssss love you 💛💛💛💛

Monogamish! Currently single and enjoying the dating life. However if I find someone I want to know more and get involved deeper with (and the feelings mutual) I would make myself exclusive to them. However I will not compromise and mold for their needs. We should respect each other’s individuality and have the communication to see what can be done if things might appear dismissive. I also need choice in the end. I’m jealous but I wouldn’t outward show it because I get it, humans are diverse and amazing and someone might intrigue me or my partner. But the choice to always come back to each other and not act past a convo/ flirtation is PRIORITY. Thank you this clarified so much for me.

Hey Shan. Loved the vid as always. You might want to update the description box. You labeled the quiz as “love bombing” instead of “commitment”

Very informative & upfront..

I’m shocked that my commitment style is Modern Monogamy because sometimes by desires can veer into a more ‘open’ realm but I know that I’ve done poorly in the past at handling those situations. Interesting how our desires aren’t always congruent with our skills/capabilities.

love you ❤️

I took the quiz & realised I fall in the modern monogamist realm. I did however feel like my answers to some could be two of what was being given but I guess choosing the best possible one was the ultimate goal. I find that as I've gotten older I have relaxed way more about relationships and individual needs..ultimately I attend to myself first.🇹🇹

Free relationship. Very very accurate !

Currently free, Honestly, I was afraid I was asexual. Very interesting video, I appreciate ya Shan!

I am single so I transform in 85% of these categories . It's easier for me to identify w/ these because Im single . I do not need discuss protocols, outcomes, or ramifications with anyone at this time. When my relationship status changes, then status quo will modify

Today I learned two things. Apparently, according to the test, my attachment style is secure. Surprising considering that I would not consider it secure. I also learned that I am a free relationship person. I had never heard of this term before but it defines me so well. Trying to explain my love life desires to others has always come off as wishy-washy and flip-floppy. Like maybe I don't know what I want because I cannot pinpoint what I aim to have but the truth is I don't have an exact aim. I have ideal situations in my head but what is at the center of all those "ideal situations" is a feeling, not a circumstance. A feeling of being respected, desired, encouraged, etc.. The older I become the more I find that these things can be found in a number of circumstances and I think that is why I have a free relationship style. I am searching for a feeling not a person. If I feel valued, secure, challenged, I will be happy, even if that person makes other women feel the same.

I actually never heard of many of these descriptions, so this was pretty informative. However, I'll argue that moonlighting and open relationships are pretty much the same thing. Speaking of, even though sex, dating, and relationships aren't at all possible for me, I took the quiz anyway and my result was moonlighting! I was hoping that would be it because that's what seems the most appealing to me. I hate the idea of monogamy, but I don't want full blown relationships with more than one person. It'd the perfect balance.

Modern Monogamist here 🙋🏽‍♀️ and looking for the same or a Traditional Monogamist! I love learning about different styles of relationships as well though. It’s fascinating. I think talking about it early in dating is key though bc you don’t waste time. I’d probably introduce the topic with a question, “hey, have you ever heard of...? And go from there. If they are not receptive that’s a signal to me that they may not be the kind of person I would want to be with ultimately.

Ooooh i’m so sad we weren’t featured, but the couple did a great job!

I’m a traditional monogamist, I knew it before I took the test and after, I would not have gotten married if I wasnt, but it is interesting learning about other lifestyles, I do my best not to be judgey

Traditionally monogamous...though some of the questions/answers felt limiting about monogamy like we see our partners as possessions (we don't just as I don't assume poly people see partners as disposable) or if they couldn't fulfill a need there was no option to compromise or modify that need with that partner without going outside the relationship. It also insinuated that monogamous people expect their partner to fulfill every need they have in life....which is obviously unrealistic. The best relationships are honest ones. Polyamory isn't for me AT ALL but I am glad people are able to state what they want up front so nobody wastes time in situations they don't want.

When I first took this quiz a while back I got open relationship and I was single, now I am in a committed relationship but I got moonlighting this time and makes sense. As a Gemini I feel that I can identify with any of these depending on my current mood/personality at that current phase in my life so idk lol

I got modern monogamous. I value the commitment of marriage (i believe its a life long vow) howeverrrr i consider myself to be someone with agency in my dating life. I know what i want & don’t want. & i will walk away from a relationship faster than you can blink if i’m not interested in what you’re offering... i really thought i would get monogomish though because im not a jealous person & dont mind flirting😋

Traditional monogamy 😪🤦🏾‍♀️

I know this video is old but please please please make the commitment style quiz available again 🥺 it says on the website that "this quiz is currently unavailable". I really hope you will see my message and make the quiz available again ❤

I've been watching you for a while now and I always love your content and have used it to inform my relationships. My relationship style is a free relationship but my partner prefers polyamory. Could you give advice on how to (if at all possible) set healthy boundaries to keep both people happy when their preferred relationship styles are mismatched?