I was hoping for "PISS"

The ultimate play - give your wife a footrub in the bedroom, and when she says "We're not in the closet", you say "But I am" and then you leave her for her brother. She'll never see it coming.

I read this comment before watching the video and it made that moment significantly funnier. I actually laughed out loud for several minutes, thank you.

i chimed in with a haven't you people heard of, closing the closet door.

Oh yeah. That band that opened for weezer once

Thank you

no its 5

came here to say this only to see someone already solved it

8x + 2 = x + 6 7x + 2 = 6 7x = 4 x = 4/7

Can't believe I forgot you can divide X from each side. I was like "Fuck off, that's not a real question" but then junior high me kicked me in the shin.

Smooth

I thought you’d never ask

Got to Poundland, then go to pound town! 😉

Well, that would get me going! 😉

Yeah, to get some sweets.......... right?

Well, Ashens forgot it

Or lost it

Give Big Clive a few days...

complete with a foot rub in the closet?

Ashens: Tit for Tat.

@@04whim wouldn’t it more appropriately be “tat for tits?”

I never knew I needed that until just now

I know it does in ASL, but I didn't think it did in British sign language. I could be wrong, of course, but I love the idea of poundland trying so hard and still being too cheap to get it right 🤣🤣🤣

How Shocking 😅

@@peterclarke7240 made in China, they dont care if it's for England or America lol

That's a much more innocent meaning that I was thinking of. My mind immediately went to 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink. Maybe it was all the prior talk of dildos?

@@TheLoopyTiger yes... That was the joke..

*valentines rose* Because you’ll LOVE using that shit

😂😂😂😂😂 Crack - the gift that keeps on taking.

My dad used to get one for my mom every year and they'd leave it out till it rotted never did have the heart to explain it to em

Heart shaped crack pipes

I thought those things were thongs?

not really, not everything costs a pound anymore...

@@Jamal_Tyrone r/woosh

@@gokaisilver3801 child

Wow actually the best pun of all time

Underrated comment

*does the therapist look* And why _did_ you feel that way, Rebecca?

@@ellaapril194 remember while not medically qualified, Stuart does have a PhD in Psychology.

Comment approved by Antonio Stella Bottom Tile, the King of musical instruments.

....or anticipation.

@@BobMonkeypimp with sex toys you generally get what you pay for it's not a great idea to get cheap ones

@@JustAskMeTV101 How am I to get cheap thrills without cheap toys?!

@@BobMonkeypimp get expensive thrills instead they'll be better on your thrill bits

@@BobMonkeypimp I got the image of a toy falling apart and the cheap plastic shards getting stuck inside me in my head. Preeetty sure it’s fear.

Omg I love this comment 🤣

You're not just a prick, you're the whole cactus

better than a shagging in the local park

They took their name too literally...

@@LordDragox412 Is Pound Town the capital of Poundland?

Smart store

0:39 I now have a soundbyte of Ashens enthusiastically saying Dild*s

I wheezed at that exact point

I was coming here to say that he's clearly a sociopath based on the way he writes his Xes. :P

I'm shocked that more people aren't shook by it. It disturbs me so much! 😳😳😳

X's are sometimes drawn like that in maths to differentiate them from times symbols

Where can I find poundland documentary?

@@author.jessica.kemery Either Channel 4 or 5, I couldn't imagine anyone else being responsible.

I wonder if they are hiring product testers

An echo reporter was disgusted by the nooky range

So you are down in your basement pretending you are in East Germany? I guess it could be worse. I want to be in the Stassi so I can round people up and generally cause terror.

DDR?

@@Jamal_Tyrone He either means Dance Dance Revolution or he is pretending to be in East Germany as I said.

@@wulfone5961 Prque no los dos? But yeah, I'm talkin about the rhythm game, lol.

@@LazerLord10 full cabinet or just a softpad/hardpad?

Or underwear tbf

@@IanC14 - How can underwear be ‘unsafe’? The mind boggles!

well I hope they are using NX, or at least SSH to tunnel RDP through. I'd never trust Microsoft or Teamviever with my .... -- wait - er, maybe you don't mean that kind of "remote"?

@@AtheistOrphan sometimes very cheap underwear can make it easier for women to develop UTIs. Not to mention it's very uncomfortable and can cause rashes. I wouldn't trust anything from poundland anywhere near my hooha

Dildos with an unacceptable amount of lead.

Unlike algebra, you can't really solve this problem by graphing it :/

@@hvymtal8566 But much like algebra, it's a _lot_ more complicated than it has any _right_ to be.

Not really a holiday though is it?

Its only a holiday if ashens does a special

It’s not a holiday.

Shush, don't say it more than once or Rick Wakeman appears!

@Back from the Deadpool OMG sex toys are everywhere nowadays - a quick google found Beistle Plastic Cactus on Amazon. Some people are soooo weird edit: and Aliexpress item 4001211311228 - I mean - wtf?

It's exactly the same in British sign 🤘🏻 language

@Back from the Deadpool 🤟🏻 sorry wrong emoji

It's Spider-man shooting his webs.

@@johnthwaites5976 I didn't know that! Thanks for the info 🤟🏻

As are the Rock Horns. Ronnie James Dio got it from his Italian Catholic grandmother.

Let it never be said you can't learn anything interesting from reading KZfaq comments.

Other fun fact, unless the growers cut a good bit of stem when collecting the leaves, which they never do, those planted leaves are basically zombies, that will never grow into plants, just stay leaves till they eventually die for real

Ah I was wondering why there were no spines on that cactus.

Poundland knows the best what people like getting pounded by... ;)

Anything can be a sex toy if you're brave enough

@@davidbronstein2040 my exact thoughts!

Is that some sort of sick variation on "Everything's a meleè weapon if you're mad enough?"

I think there's every chance it is meant to be one. I think the long fingers could be there to... erm... fill two different niches at the same time, then the thumb is there to follow the advice of the Sugababes number one single and "Push the Button".

That is a great new euphemism for a lady's muff.

I thought it was HORSE.

@@EternalSeneschal pmsl

It 4/7

classic ashens jokes, i likeey

Ashens did it at the end clever shite🙄

absolute shithousery

Thank you, I was trying to do the maths but its late and I got to 2x=x+1 and got all confused XD

@@cheekbonestrenchcoat you do 8x-x=7x and 6-2=4, put them together gets you 7x=4, then divide by the 7 so you get x=4/7

Apparently it’s the same in British Sign Language too?

So, if you do that while sticking your tongue out, in traditional rock appreciation style, does that sometimes get confused as meaning "I love you, giz a snog?"

It also has... uses. You know- stick it to the wall, and it can hold your keys! ;D

🥰 “I… love… you!” 😅 “No… thank… you!”

Honestly.. I was thinking "two in the pink, one in the......" Oh no.

Just the one math is it? A solitary mathematic? Weird (-;

@@chrisphobia Please don't start with that. Correct pronunciation is a hot topic now and thanks to that, I can't watch people on KZfaq like Ashens or Pycrocynical without noticing that they don't pronounce the hard T's in words like bottle or water.

He taught me something as well! He taught me not to buy anything from poundland! Especially anything that is edible!

@@chrisphobia I mean, it's called "MATHematics" not "MATHSematics"

@@chrisphobia The problem is “mathematics” isn’t plural. It’s singular. It describes a thing-a field of study-not many things. The S on the end doesn’t indicate plurality.

One in the pink and one in the stink

@@hwogrillo bring that thumb into play... Also other comments are saying it means "I love you" in sign language... Coinkidink or not 😂

I mean, they could try. But they'd have better luck if it was the Shocker: TWO in the pank, one in the stank.

Everything's a sex toy with enough imagination, lubrication , determination, and, on occasion, the judicious application of a mallet.

@@peterclarke7240 as long as that's not Timmy Mallet... How did Operation Yewtree miss that one...

That's how you write x in Algebraic equations

Or a drag Queen.

well, besides a foot rub in the closet.

The boring mantra of the Maths teacher: "You'll need it in the real world!" Utter bollocks. The real world was why calculators were invented.

Actually you DO use algebra everyday just not in the form you realise. Every time you go buy something from the supermarket. '5apples plus 6 bananas= £2.50'. Thats algebra whether you like it ir not.

@@AngelEmfrbl the point about the calculator is kind of fair though - mental maths with money and stuff is useful (and algebra is definitely more useful than people think) but we all carry calculators around in our pockets now. The curriculum changes way slower than the world does. Not saying we shouldn't learn it but it's an interesting discussion nonetheless

GCSE? You mean year 7?

ashens was right about the nerds having done this in their heads already 😂

I agree with your answer so therefore it's right

@@bartholomewdan well i FIRST did this in year 6 for the 11+, but GCSE would have been the last time i needed to know how to do it.

@@monageeuk6504 11+ what's that?

aka "SAD"

Forever alone

@@tncorgi92 - How about we add two more A's to that acronym? SAAAD (Singles and Aromantics Awareness Day)

February 14th is cheap candy eve.

@@tncorgi92 Indeed it is.

Me neither and I'm sure I'd hear about him from mom

I mean. They are pound land

Don't buy a sex toy from a dollar store...that's just asking for something to break and hurt you

@@Silver_wind_1987_ all the poundland stuff is rather high quality, can't speak for other discount stores across the globe

Or giving Sicilian protection against the Evil Eye. Dio was Sicilian.

it's a reference to Mentski who enters a BUM into his high scores on old video games.

@@Jamal_Tyrone Interesting

True! For "the horns", the thumb would be folded over the middle and ring finger. Though for the ILY sign, there's usually a larger angle between the index and pinky finger than in this statue.

@@stijnvandrongelen5625 Yep very true

Maths. Mathematics.

@@gerrypippin2263 Eh, plurals are weird when abbreviated. "Anime" is short for "animation" in both the singular and plural ("animations").

A bit like a running gag in the movie 'Mallrats', where the question: "An uncomfortable place to have sex?", is usually answered with: "In the back of a Volkswagen?"

"Yes."

You should join my over-exaggeration club. I only started it yesterday and we already have over 9 billion members.

@@thesweeney80 Do you want to join my 'like your own comments' club?

first

First

@@BobMonkeypimp I will

Last time I came this early you were conceived

@@KenMabie Last time I came this early I gave your Mam a pearl necklace.

🍪

You get nothing. You lose! Good day, sir!

Former Art student here, i wouldn't know how...

@@Jamal_Tyrone Current art student, but my dad's a math major, so I had a lot of the rules and practices of algebra drilled into me as a kid.

Nope, I did it, too. I even considered scrolling down to see how many people commented with the solution, but I didn't want to risk having something from the rest of the video spoiled. ashens solved it himself, anyway, probably to stop a million comments with the solution.

4/7th's 😅

The problem is when he is done making the video and people go through his trash later they won't find them and put two and two together.

He refused to eat the 180 year old olives.

@@Andrew-zm8gh He ate them off camera

@@Andrew-zm8gh did he, I thought he put a bit in his mouth, maybe I've remembered it incorrectly

I think Big Clive took some to bits several years ago, if memory serves. Clive is as fond of crap from Poundland as Stuart. Funniest thing he ever did was the 'Fanny Flambeaux' doll. It's wrong on every level, and really funny, too.

Poundland sex toys: You'll have a shocking time!

Especially not those decent but tiny computer mice they do.