Last time Ashens laughed this much he was reading about the amazing instrument maker Antonio Stella Bottom Title

Re-uploaded due to frame rate naffness with previous version.

I just watched a British man read a 47 year old catalog for 25 minutes and I don't regret a second of it.

Very disappointed that Krakn fun doesn't allow you to summon your own oceanic beast for the amusement of your friends. "Be the life of the party with this many tentacled assault! Watch your chums squirm as they are dragged down to the briney deep. 0-3 sad onions"

Before the decimilisation of 1971 the British pound was divided into 20 shillings, each worth 12 pence, creating a total value of 240 pence. This was written as £1 1/1d. / was the symbol for a shilling and called a solidus (the latin coin a shilling is named after) and the d is short for denarius. The reason for this was that in the dark ages a penny was made of silver. To make sure every penny was worth the same, a pound of silver was divided into 240 equally sized pennies. Centuries later inflation had reduced the value of the penny until it was made of copper, and there was sufficient gold that a few people could afford to use gold coins worth a whole pound of silver. This is how Britain ended up with such an insane system of money. The bank of England tried to decimalise the currency several times, but it only gained sufficient traction to change the currency after WW2. The new pound was worth the same as an old pound, which is why you sometimes get people old enough to remember the transition saying "A shilling is 5p". What they mean is that an old shilling is worth five of the new pence, even though a shilling is worth 20d, old pence.

*CLAYMORE MINE* - High quality explosive device perfect for practical jokes. Place it on a nature trail, sidewalk or hallway. When activated, your unsuspecting victim will be startled by a loud noise and 700 ball-bearings traveling at 3900 feet-per-second will tear into their flesh like paper! Trick your friends and family, hours of fun.

"...at psychological moment" sounds like one of those auto-translated Chinese packaging writing that you read from the back of Poundland stuff.

'will cause you to receive much sympathy from your friends' "I spent 2'6 on this piece of shit" "Aw mate sorry to hear that"

I love the emphasis on indoors fireworks, that seems incredibly dangerous. Also loving the "exploding mechanism", can you imagine trying to sell one of those today? "Oh no, officer, it's not a mail bomb, it's just a mail order exploding mechanism to provide me with hours of merriment and amusement!"

Don't know about in the UK, but in the USA in the 60s and 70s comic books would have ad pages in exactly this format, advertising the same kinds of novelties. I think there is something magical about the fact that you really had almost no idea what any of this stuff actually was, just cryptic descriptions and inaccurate drawings.

Sticky beak - Australian for an inquisitive person!

Ashens' vocal affectation and accent for this are spot on. I totally want to order most of those.

"Ugh, people these days. Can't live with them, can't murder them and get away with it" is my new favorite ashens quote.

Social experiment rant was the best.

"Do not write in your surname, or they'll FUCKING CATCH FIRE!" The things he comes up with are fucking brilliant

Don't stop. It looks like there is a lot more catalogue to go. Part two please.

Some of these sound like Plasmids from Bioshock that are either useful or not.

"Can't live with them,can't murder them and get away with it" -Ashens 2016

The description for "The broken mirror " is mostly incredibly old-fashioned padding. It's absolutely great.

More of this!!!!

This reminds me of reading Boy's Life magazine as a kid. In short it was the official Boy Scouts of America magazine. Every issue had a page exactly like this catalog. Keep in mind, I read this in the early to mid 90s. It was always the same things such as the whoopee cushion, lucky dice, and other crap like that. The only thing I always remember was this insane kit to turn a vacuum cleaner into a personal hovercraft. I would love to see if those things actually worked...

I'm having flashbacks to the 'ol "wonderful sound, strange shape".

As I was watching this video, I got a notification from Dictionary.com that the word of day was "stickybeak."

Ashens, mate, you need to do more of this magazine. I'm counting on you, don't let me down tie-man.

Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because last year Six had a torrid love affair with Four lasting for many months. Soon into the relationship Six and Four fell in love, but Six knew she could never leave Seven because she was afraid of his violent past. One cold Autumn night Six came home in tears and locked herself in the bathroom. By this time Seven was already drunk and pounded on the door demanding to be let in. Eventually Seven's rage took over and he kicked the door down with a powerful roundhouse to find Six standing there holding a positive pregnancy test. Seven knew he couldn't be the father because he was sterile from years of working at a nuclear plant. Seven saw red and flew into a whirlwind of fury beating upon Six with hammering blows. She screamed "FOUR, IT'S FOUR'S CHILD, PLEASE! PLEASE STOP!" Seven stared at Six in disbelief, "Four? That good for nothing Even aint even a Prime!" Seven stormed out of the bathroom and out the front door, grabbing his pistol off of the table on his way out. He floored it to the restaurant Four owned like a demon. Pulling up to Four's eatery, All You Can Eight, Seven threw open the door demanding to speak with him. A young girl named Decimal tried to cover for Four, but Seven spotted him trying to sneak out through the kitchen. Seven grabbed Four by the digit and pulled out his .38. Four begged "Please, I love her! Please, if you truly love her too you will let her go, please!" Without hesitation Seven pulled the trigger. The sound echoed throughout the restaurant like a thunder strike. Everyone was stunned for a moment, and then full panic, numbers running everywhere, stampeding over each other. Stomping over Four's lifeless body and in the panic Seven slipped out with the crowd and made his escape. Since that day Six has moved and changed her name but knows one day Seven will track her down and find her, and she lives in constant fear for her life and the life of her newborn son, Ten. And now you know why Six is afraid of Seven.

If I ever find a Ellisdons catalogue in the future I will instinctively hear that voice Ashens puts on throughout this video while reading the item descriptions.

We've come full circle! Soon Tim will even make a guest appearance on the channel, I can just see it happening!

WARTS, HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN

"Bronx Cheer" is an Americanism derived from the NYC borough of the same name.

this is gold. 1969? I thought this kind of 'novelties' was hip in the 40s or so.

I remember after a family holiday to my grandparents' house some time in the 80s, my father cleared out his old bedroom and found some old comics (Eagle, I think?). The back page on each comic was crammed full of ads for schoolboy prank items and I read through each one, fascinated, during the long drive back to the North East. They were marketed as toys and novelties at pocket money prices.

Basically a How To Be A Little Shit catalogue

Ur channel became my TV, can't miss a single video. Thx mate👍🏼

Do more catalogues, ashens!

Was sorting my old comics, was nice to see all these outrageous adds again. At least the people who bought them received, something. Scammers now just take your money , and disappear.

8:37 The children are dead. Why? Fire balloons. I see.

Thank you for doing the voice everyone was hearing in our heads!

Your laughter is contagious, man. I'm sitting in my room alone, laughing at the computer :'D

this is essentially the "how to be the 'home alone' kid" book.

I fucking loved this, especially your old-timey narration and how much you cracked up

It's been a good while, so I ask again: PLEASE do more of this!

Ashen's Social Experiment rant was hilarious and spot on! (yes this is basically the same comment I made on the previous version)

Weirdly enough I've heard of Ellisons before. Remember catching an antiques hunter type show once where they went into the Ellisons' store - the place has been running since the late 1800's and was still being run by the owners grandson or something like that.

Omigosh, this reminds me of the old ads in comic books from a company that was based in Florida (I think) called Smith Johnson. They sold the craziest joke items. I bought a few later on, I remember owning a plastic hammer that made the sound of shattering glass when smacked, and a toy toilet that spit water when you opened the lid lol As a kid, I ordered a plastic Frankenstein's monster poster with glowing eye (dots) and it was interesting, but not that scary.

I would 100% have ashens read a book to me, not gonna lie.

Ashens laugh gives me life

Please do another video going through all of the products.. The hilarity of these videos are the best part of my day. ❤️ you are awesome Ashens!

your the slice of comedy in my life! when I'm sad or angry I come here and I'm cheered up immediately

Wow, the descriptions of these items can only be said with an Estuary English accent, they are quite simply marvelous old chap :3

I think the catalogue is more entertaining than the products themselves.

In the US the Johnson Smith Company seems to have been the equivalent of what Ellisdons was in the UK. Johnson Smith seems to have gotten out of the novelty/joke business but Archie McPhee seems to have picked up at least some of the market.

"Can you imagine anything more funny, than walking into a room with your TOES protruding?" ... i take it, the 60s where a pretty boring time?

This has to be the most English episode of Ashens yet

Flipping through the Argos catalogue circling things with a red pen was more fun than Christmas itself.

These descriptions of the things are hilarious lol.

I love this kinda thing, along with old news papers and Ads. There is something so weird about them.

OMG Ashens voice reading the catalog!! So good!! Could not stop laughing xD I SAY I SAY I SAY best vid by far xD plz make more!

Or why not try a new 'naughty nightie' - put it on and it melts - just watch their faces. Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties. (pause) Go on, go on.

I think this was the fastest 24 minutes 54 seconds of my life. I thought it had only been 3 or 4 minutes when it ended.

Hey Ashens! You should read the whole book! I always loved looking at the old practical jokes ads in old comics!

"I very much doubt you're specifically interested in an exact catalog that my dad read, like 60 years ago" Oh how wrong you are.

They seem to of grossly overstated the amusement value of these novelties.

I used to get the Ellisdon's catalogue as a boy in the 70's. It was ace! And I ordered quite a few things from it...and they were as terrible as Ashens thinks! Lol

Huh, I had one of those rubber shrunken heads when I was little. It was pretty fun as this sort of novelty guff goes, I used it in costumes and things!

Sticky beaks are nosey people.

Want Fire Balloons now. That is all.

Your voice overs are perfect 👌🏻 Thank you Stuart your videos make smile 😀

This will surely provide merryment, marvel as a real life English man discovers a variety of spectacular novelties from the comfort of your own home! 2 per pkt. Sofa sold seperately.

I mentally read all the descriptions in Gilbert Gottfried's voice

i love the old timey trans-atlantic accent he puts on around 7 minutes in

I think I had one of those "exploding mechanism"s. It was a spring-loaded thing that you put a cap gun cap in, and then you put it under something. When the something was lifted up the mechanism snapped shut an set off the cap. I thought it was hilarious when I was six.

I once went to a tea party that had no real food. Turns out it was just a front for an orgy.

13:53 An excellent rant about prank channels.

SOCIAL EXPERIMENT: Jump out a window and see if anyone cares enough to call an ambulance for you! ...Well that was dark. (Also, unnecessary disclaimer that this is a joke not an actual suggestion)

I've read catalogues like this from the 1930's, they are similarly hilarious:)

An excellent catalogue.

Now i want ashens to review all of these items.

I REALLY wish he would have read ALL of the adds! :(

My favorites were the KayBee and Playworld Toy catalogs and the "What you never knew existed and other items your cant live witout" mailers. :)

Every time I feel down or unwell I always come back to this video and it always makes me laugh so hard

ashens psychology qualifications cause him to swell into inarticulate rage at the sight of improper investigative process.

*beep beep* *beep boop* *beeboop* "Hello!"

I absolutely love the old catalog and magazine advertisements' choice of words. I often cannot read them without a good chuckle myself!

4 years later and I still want another video or 2 from this catalogue

This was far more enjoyable than it had any right being.

This is honestly the funniest thing I've heard in years. I couldn't stop laughing. Just thank you for bringing this into my life.

this was one of your best videos, really fun lisent to. Please do moree

What the fuck are these prices? Like what the fuck is 1'9, 1'-, 10d, etc?

If youtube was around back then some one would buy and review all of these products

Standards were pretty low back then. In general.

That was so funny! Especially the part with the sticky beaks!

I've got that catalogue! You get it with the 1960s childhood memorabilia pack. You can get it off Amazon for about £5, if anyone is interested.

\/\ In my Ashens video? It's more likely than you think.

thanks for re-uploading the stop motion video

I'm now going to end every phone conversation I have with "Have you got the message chum?"

My local Argos shut down years ago and was empty for ages but is now the library. Incidentally the building that used to be the library is now a school

'Sticky beaks' probably refers to a nosy person...

I didn't notice any naffness with the previous vijeo.

The best ads like these where usually found in comics at the time and all through the seventies,like those USA comic ads for "1000 piece army box" type things,see some on youtube now,glad my parents never bought those blobs of plastic shite! even though i did nag em at the time!

I love Ashens' rant about social experiments.