As you were explaining the phases and your cats started helping you I immediately thought of the natural behavior of cats: 20 hours or so of sleeping with maybe 4 hours of work. All cats I'm aware of work this way. Here's the thing: if you consider how things work in nature, the longer you are exposed out of your safe space (if you have such a thing) the more vulnerable you are to attack and death. This is why many types of animals aren't likely to hunt and eat more than required even if only due to instinct: getting fat gets you eaten. Perhaps autistic inertia combined with delayed processing are meant to work together to minimize risk.

Hahaha yessss I wish I could put this in the video. Lol greatness.

Your weird, I like it.

Same here. It sounds like the same thing that happens as a trauma response also. It might not automatically mean autism, could be something else like complex ptsd or childhood ptsd

Glad I'm not the only one scripting and rehearsing most of what I say.

And they.....never. listen. And.....always. judge.

@melelconquistador it's called survival 😢

I love it! 🧬 🌟 thanks for sharing

Same here. I have 2 nephews and when they're home with me, my mom and their dad I find monitoring them to be exhausting. Everyone else doesn't seem to be phased by it. Maybe it's my hyperfocusing but one thing I DO know is I feel drained. It's also why I'm studying Software Engineering so that I can work remotely and not have to deal with office politics and having to consistent constantly.

I knew I didn't want children as teenager, and that's never changed. I didn't know I was on the spectrum until last year. I'm 58. I knew I was different, but I didn't know that so many others were different in the same ways as me. All I knew was it was incredibly difficult to keep myself and my life together, and that bringing children into it would be irreseponsible of me. Some people, including romantic partners and therapists shamed me for that. Said I was selfish or immature or whatever. But I knew having children would be a disaster for them and for me, so I never had them, and have no regrets about that. Autism isn't the problem. Ignorance, intollerance, bigotry and bullying and pressure to conform are the problem. A society that accepts, accomdates and supports autistic people will be a better society for everyone. It will be more tolerant, loving, and creative. It will celebrate the rich variety of human conciousness and expression rather than attempting to force everyone into the same ugly, cruel, noisy box full of flashing lights, beeping alarms, sirens, obnoxious motorized garden torture devices, and vain, greedy, superficial power hungry social bullies. I'll remain childless and isolated on my boat with my passions and interests. Instead of trying to steal cheese from the social rat-trap like I did for almost half a century before the resulting anxiety and depression nearlt ended me. Seriously: No thanks. It doesn't work for me. Judging by the looks on the faces of most people as they go off to steal their daily rat-trap cheese, it doesn't work for them either. That's what needs to change. Not my attitude towards sexual self replication, lol

@@TheWilliamHoganExperience Damn, I couldn't agree more with you! The third paragraph, when you started listing the models that we are forced to, gave me a headache just to read. About having children: I also have the mindset that a lot of people are just not meant to be parents, and that should be okay! It's better to not put a child in the world, then to do so and be a shitty parent. And I think I would be a shitty parent, to be honest. How could I not, when loud noises and especially high pitch sounds physically hurt me to the point of not being capable of continuing to even walk for a few seconds after the sound is gone? Children are constantly screeching to their full lungs! What you mention about isolating yourself also resonates a lot with me. I am friends with my former therapist and sometimes we discuss philosophical or functioning topics. When I tell her that society is too toxic and I would live much better and have a much richer life in isolation, she considers that Im taking an easy way out, to avoid challenges. I know she means well, but there are so many challenges out there, why would I need to put myself through the ones I feel incapable of handling, or hurt me so much, or that my empathy makes me die inside by seeing how many people are doing things that are just purely bad for them, only because they need something to numb the pain of, as you call it, suffering from their pursue of the "daily rat-rap cheese".

​@@ravingcuriosity6345 12 years before I knew I was autistic, I read a long multi-part article in LA Times about autism. and it really upset me. Not autism itself, but the way it was framed as pathological. They invertented this fictional boy who was in his own world, and who loved to stare at the sky and line up his toys. He wasn't interested in people - just nature and other things he was interested in. THIS was framed as a "tragic". It enraged me! I thought to myself "So what? - Let that boy stare at the sky all day while he lines up his toys. Just make sure he's not staring at the sun. And if he wants to do THAT, get him some welding goggles..." I didn't know I was autistic, but I knew I was different, and that people and society weren't safe for me. I'd just washed out of a 15 year academic teaching career due to typical neurotypical f*kery. This was after spending 15 years becoming a lisenced architect, and finding that profession just as horrible for me. So I bought a 20' sailboat, and equiped it for crossing oceans. I moved aboard it. Then I sold or gave away literally everything that I didn't need for sailing away: My home, my car and all my funiture all were liquidated or donated to charity. I burned what was left over on the beach. At that point I'd been trying to be "normal" and do what society expected and wanted from me for 46 years. It simply didn't work. I'm 57 now, and I still live aboard a sailboat. I live off my teaching pension now, and perform music because I love it, not to survive. I'm happy now, but it wasn't easy getting here. Trying to conform almost killed me. I was so anxious and depressed and confused and hopeless that suicide started looming larger and larger in my mind, like a bad song I couldn't get out of my head. In 2018, in desperation, I tried Ketamine infusion theraphy, and that saved me. The depression and anxiety and sucidal thoughts vanished. My autism diagnosis came in 2022. What a relief! Everything suddenly made sense. The more I dug into it, the more I realized that autism is a GIFT that triggers FEAR and RESENTMENT in many nuerotypical people, and that's what makes social interactions so difficult. Missing social cues and taking people at their word makes matters worse. But we can't help that anymore than a blind person can help not being able to see. The difference is that thier deficit is obvious, and it's shameful to bully them over it. Not so with the autistic. The word itself is often used as an insult in popular culture. My response is to disclose my autism and to educate people about autism generally, and how it impacts me specifically. Without my super sensitive hearing, love of repetition, echolalia, and love of routine, I wouldn't be a professional muscian now. It was following my passion for music that led me to start playing when I was 51 - an old man picking up a guitar and teaching himself to play it while singing his favorite songs. All alone on his boat for 5 years. Every single day without fail, for hours and hours and hours before having the chops and courage to start playing with other musicians and ultimately performing solo. ...and I loved every minute of it. That's all there is to "treating" autism: It's not about acceptance - it's about embracing it as the gift it is. No matter what. Anything else as Radiohead's "No Surprises" says, is: "...a job that slowly kills you..." and "...wounds that will not heal..." So lean into your autism.

I already did what your doing, sort of. Never had kids. Im everyone's fave aunt and fave God-mother. It works.

i can totally relate to what you're saying about working so hard when you were younger. When I left a job, I did a write up for how to train the next person, and realized I had taken on so much work that I was doing 3-5 other people's jobs. I was young and still didn't register the implications of that - over time, now that I'm older, I look back and think, "how did I let it get to that point?" But dang I worked hard and got a TON of stuff done.

@@MomontheSpectrum "how did I let it get to that point?" I think you already answered that question: "I was young and still didn't register the implications of that." Or am I missing something?

You just described my past, down to every single detail. ❤

Yes so much yes I relate. I can do the work of 3 and after I have to rest, take time out. So, on average I still do work for 2. But when focussing on the time out the accomplishments don't get celebrated, by me or others. It is only: you could do so and so and now you can't do anything? I am so glad to find this recognition on the web (and in your video's).

@thegreenmachine well I can still not register the implications of stuff like that at an advanced age, LOL! But I always specialized in obliviousness. An especially demanding job I took about 10 years ago really did a number on my health. A lot of it had to do with the obsessive interest phase, which lasted about 5 years. It was all I did or thought about, and I remember being proud of outlasting a coworker half my age on one of the death march trips. When my ADHD decided it was time to move on, and the job stopped being my obsession, the work got more and more brutal.

Im sure grad school makes this especially challenging!

I honestly sometimes enjoy being sick with a head cold or something mild because it's legitimately the only time my body actually 100% knows rest. I have no clue what it is otherwise.

he is always jealous of screen time!! 😛

I noticed him wandering around too 😺 What an absolute sweetheart ❤️

Back and forth. Haha. Camera time!

Busy cat! 😂

I came to comment on this.

You are not the only one, that's my story too. Living on adrenaline caught up with me at last. I'm doing a smidge better than I was, but if I try to push it at all I crash fast.

I feel you so bad. After losing my extremely high maintenance geriatric pets (that had me giving meds every 2-3 hours from 6am until midnight every day for the entirety of last year) and all that's left to me is freeloading off mentally abusive relatives who don't accept that I can't act like that all my life, I've reached a state where sometimes I stay awake until 8am, unable to sleep at all, or crash for 16 hours a day, or eat instant noodles after 14h of starving myself because I don't wanna face anyone or leave my bed. If I make it through this, I'll consider myself a literal survivor, because it feels like I'm slowly dying. If I'm lucky I can get some intense drawing or writing in between, but not without a break of several days. I can't even get myself to reply emails... I worry about my future. I need a job, but I don't feel like I can work in this state. If by any miracle I do get in, I'll probably get fired as soon as they realize my pattern....

@@t.k.5088 I have an idea how you feel, I hit bottom in 2020-21. Life is still a struggle at times, but it is so much better than it was then, which at the time my amygdala assured me could never happen. I wish you the best, and I'll offer this thought, based on my own experience: no matter how tough things get, I suspect your amygdala is making them seem even worse than they are. When I was finally able to convince my cortex that my amygdala was lying to me, it was a big step forward. (tbh, I needed help from an antidepressant to do it.) Sending you good thoughts. I didn't believe my life could ever improve, but it did.

@@t.k.5088 ❤ you're not alone.

I totally get you, I'm in the same boat. Burnout is a pain, can't seem to get rid of it.

lol I used to be a research scientist and a friend of mine would call me "Scientistic Lady" 😄

Sounds right on par with so many others here!

I'd love to be able to do this, but how do you manage this schedule with real life? I feel like with two small kids, a job, and a husband, there is no way I can incorporate this schedule. Truly curious?

@@sunnyaz1508 not 100% solution but perhaps do like we do at home, take turns and have backup of big food batches we make two to three times a week plus get takeout and get a cleaning service.

@SunnyAz yes it wasn't possible when I was working or when my kids were young so my meltdowns were way more frequent then. After suffering a complete mental and physical breakdown a few years ago I knew if I didn't completely change my life, it would probably kill me, so a lot has changed for me but the increase in inner peace was worth everything I lost.

@@lisawanderess what changes did you make? And how old were your kids when it became easier in regards to being an autistic parent (not a general patent)? I am now realizing I need to make drastic changes, but I have a hard time figure out what and how. I feel very stuck with the way society functions and also feel the responsibility towards by kids and husband to keep somewhat a normal life. But it is costing me myself.

Nicely put! Thanks Simone.

My husband has made me do a similar thing to this exact purpose and yes.

The black hole work cycle sounds like a manic phase, yet I don't think I'm bipolar at all.

@@mortenle I just read up on the symptoms of a manic phase in bpd and I donˋt think it resembles the „black hole“ as taylor describes it at all. Maybe on an extremly superficial level in that I feel very driven to do something/be productive. But other than that - nope. I find the concept of hyperfocus far more acurat. I get however that when described to others it might seem similar and even that it might have led to some misdiagnoses in the past, especially since many high-masking autists also deal with depression. Also, this is not a diagnostic criterium for autism and might also happen as a result of overlapping adhd/asd/giftedness more so than asd alone - so if you do not experience this or it feels different for you, please do not let this irritate you. We‘re not all the same and that‘s just fine!

Shame we don’t get the full acceptance we deserve

you are one of several people who has spoken of the joy it brings you to be in the black hole. This is a great point and something I really get from that space, too. One of the times I am the happiest, for sure, is in my black hole!

Yes the black hole productivity. Everything else is gone and I am in the zone !

I love putting my whole being into what I’m doing but it is exhausting so we have to be careful to take care of ourselves. To me it’s important to have boundaries and realize in order to do what I love that I also need to rest.

I totally do this too. It’s like every time I have a few good productive and positive days I completely forget that for my whole life is two steps forward and one back. I then beat myself up thru the whole recovery period for being an idiot 😵

I can relate to this so much 😭

I have frequently had to ask myself why I have just spent 2 weeks researching the pros and cons of widget A and Widget B without asking myself if I really need a widget. Studying is a nightmare. I follow an endless network of ancillary links because I have this infuriating inability to just scratch the surface of anything.

The commonly co-occur I think.

This. All of this. I have literally tried to explain this to my husband using almost these exact same words: "Sometimes I see the forest, the bigger picture, but I'm still so hung up on the trees. I want to see every tree. I NEED to see every tree." Yes. I always try to explain it like I can zoom out and see the whole forest and then zoom in and see every tree and blade of grass. Once I zoom in though, it takes forever to zoom out again because I need to see everything, leave no stone unturned (as they say). I thought I was the only one. 😭

I relate so much to this comment. Grocery shopping is challenging because I have to compare every single option of ice cream and cracker in case they have added more options or the prices have changed. People say why can’t you just go in and grab what you need…. Sorry I have to look at every tree!

you're welcome. I'm glad it was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.

I'm going to turn 70 in early February. My daughter is 40. I am divorced. Once was a Special Ed teacher, couldn't do it full time. I figured around age 45 that I was probably Aspie. At age 53 a few scientists in Boulder, CO defined the term divergent for me. I sparked right up, and said that sounds like me. And they smiled and said, yes, your divergent. But the word Autism wasn't spoken. This was maybe 2003.

@@joycecz I'm about a year younger than you. I am still trying to figure out how to get a diagnosis. Not sure about the area I live in having the best resources, but I will find it if there are any. I think knowing has empowered you.

I too had a late diagnosis, I was born with Asperger's, and it was truly cathartic for me. I told the doctor who had a PhD that "the dots connected!" I am fortunate to have a wonderful therapist who specializes in autistic spectrum disorder and recommended trying to find one then perhaps they can give you the right resources to get the proper diagnosis.

@@johnzimpelman9018 Thanks, I will attempt this, since it would explain a lot of things about my life and give me new direction.

So happy to hear this! And there have been multiple people saying their partners are encouraging more self compassion. Yes yes yes!!!

Sounds like you have the right fiancee.

Feeling the same and having a hard time accepting 😞

@@MomontheSpectrum i have no compassion for ⬜♀. you arent even people

So happy to hear about this transformation! 🌈

^Agreed. Just gonna say, your name, " Sparkling Spectrumite", is brilliant! ( Was it by chance a variation on, "neurosparkly", which might be a different way of saying neurodivergent for some?

@@lizhyink5636 thank you! I figured I was on the Autism spectrum, so Spectrumite sounded good to me 😊

@@sparklingspectrumite It's a "gem", as they say. I like the thought process, too. To me, it sounds like a beautiful iridescent discovery rising from a cave floor, ( stalagmite : )

@@lizhyink5636 awww thank you so much 🥰

Similar experience. I have exchanged several companies in recent two decades so I know it is related to motivation. What project, how is it managed and what colleagues. After all that years I am considering found my own IT company which will be exactly friendly to neurodivergent people so we can be happy and productive as much as possible.

YES! When I worked office jobs (which thankfully I no longer have to do), I wanted to be left *absolutely alone* to do my work. I could accomplish more in less time than just about anyone -- just *leave me alone* to do it. I especially struggled when someone would come to my desk and hover over my shoulder -- nope!!! I couldn't even type my name correctly with someone standing over me.

Yes, takes me forever to get started but once I do I cannot stop until it's done.

Good luck on your assessment journey. I had my diagnosis three years ago aged 62. It’s well worth the time spent.

I was also diagnosed at 62. It's really helped, I no longer feel stupid or that I'm a bad person for finding people difficult. Just wish there was support counselling etc, there isn't 😕 No funding for it.

the line 'i no longer have to compare myself to neurotypicals' really left an emotional impact on me. thank you for sharing your story :)

Yvette, I am working on a book on late diagnosed women, would love to have your story for it. I was diagnosed at 57 and am also recovering from the severe burnout that led to my diagnosis. I feel that having several stories together will have more if an impact.

@@ruthhorowitz7625 Ruth, send me your info. We can chat.

so glad to hear this. I think self-employment might be beneficial for many people on the spectrum...but the executive functioning challenging can make planning and managing oneself a big stressful.

@@MomontheSpectrum Yes, that's right, I struggle with that, too. But being self-employed I'm only angry with myself and don't have an angry boss "on top", what would lead me to melt downs or break downs.

You’re very welcome. I’m glad it was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.

"It's been so cathartic to be able to have a name for these feelings I've felt my whole life." When I learned recently that I might be "neurodiverse," I actually laughed, because it made so much sense. (The professional who gently raised the subject was not expecting that response.)

I think you should do as well videos -record 1 or 2 minutes and play it to yourself or if willing share with others on youtube.

"please sir, I want some more spoons" oh my goodness, love this. Sounds like you are in a long period of shutdown. I hope you are able to find some moments for yourself. Thanks for your comment.

I discovered I was on the spectrum last year at 58 when I had a severe meltdown from too many changes to my schedule by committee work. I shut down for weeks which luckily included spring break. when the semester ended, I stopped and mostly stayed in bed for 4 months--but it wasn't even close to enough rest after 58 years of masking. You may have to ask your wife and kid for more space, but it's hard...

I've was thinking the same listening to this, I lost my blackhole abilities, totally burned out for years. I've recently discovered sensory deprivation floats and for me it is like concentrated rest, I just wish it was cheaper I'd do it every day if I could. Meditation has done similar in the past but I can't tolerate it at this time in my life (ADHD+grief).

You’re welcome. 💜

Indeed!

You’re welcome Sara. Glad you’re here!

so glad you got some good couch time! that's always helpful for me

Oh my gosh, I NEED to learn also! I haven't seen it put that way before. I have a sense of company now. Plus tarot? I love it!

Me too !

Thanks for sharing your experience here. It makes me happy to know that you are learning how to listen to your body. Such an important skill at any age. 💜

I had a similar experience, but I crashed and burned at 57.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm 67 and late knowledge of ASD, and have had a mostly long, hard, complicated, difficult, painful and traumatic life. I have done a LOT of hard work on myself in the ongoing fallout. I agree it is getting harder and I still struggle a lot daily. I keep trying though, because I decided to keep living and not leave my grandchildren. I'm trying to be softer with myself but it is not easy after a lifetime of pushing myself to the outer limits. 🙏

It makes me happy to hear that you’re making ways to accommodate yourself

Same here! It took Tay's video and decades of high productivity followed by burnouts to validate that I need to work and rest in cycles. I work in an office 9-6, a very analytical role and with significant interaction with others in meetings, calls, emails, etc. My day goes in cycles of hyper focus, superproductive slots of between 1- 3 hours. Then I jump off my chair and find a quiet space (ladies', walk out, coffee by my self; do nothing for 5-10 minutes). Lunch alone, find a booth in the canteen or go out to avoid people who want to talk to me :). By 5pm, my brain feels full, like a bucket with water about to burst. So unless there are meetings, I do light tasks or talk around with people; set appointments with myself with to do lists for next day but at all cost I avoid any solid work. Headphones on, out to walk and take the bus home. 5 days of this routine and on Saturday mornings my family knows that I stay in bed, with no interruptions, slowly wake up or do nothing until at least mid-day. This is my recovery which I cannot skip.

And really, I’d start to feel more like myself after my 4 days off and then would have to go right back to it again. I started having migraines after every shift.

💓

I totally understand!

Tina, it's the same for me! I'm 71 and am just discovering what all my 'issues' mean. It's so comforting! I always plan to be busy every day and have felt I am a terrible manager of myself. This new understanding is lightening my guilt by leaps and bounds! What a gift to see ourselves in a better light!

yeah im with you - i don't think i'd give it up either, but sometimes it sure makes things challenging. Thanks for your comment!

Love this!

Love this too 🎉🫶

Woow 😍

Loll I also call it this, and I agree to a T. Consistency ain't where's I'm at whether I like it or not, just gotta learn to work with it

What industry is this. I'm interested

Yes 💯 thank you so much for the work you do as a teacher. It is invaluable and you deserve the 🌎

Great suggestion!

yes it does feel like a superpower sometimes but the hangover is so intense and that's when i'm really hard on myself and experience feelings of guilt

@@MomontheSpectrum If full moon 🌕 occurs when I’m in the hyper mode I literally stay awake for days. Yes the guilt is deep - for being so selfish and not able to regulate, it’s hard on family.

Sending it back!! ❤️❤️❤️🎉

Hi Joyce - welcome to the tribe. I'm glad you're here. 💓

You’re welcome! Thanks for your comment.

Love this perspective! Thanks for sharing.

Glad it was helpful! Thanks for the feedback!

A grasshopper! I love this! Thanks for sharing.

LOVE the grasshopper analogy. Thank you for sharing!

Yes I agree with you SueAnne. Just learning to embrace it and whatever comes of it. But it is hard, and life has demands that can’t be avoided sometimes.

He always knows when the camera is on!!

you're definitely not alone!

ooh you bring up a good point that is important to talk about - yes, operating on this black hole non-schedule is really hard for the routine side of our brains. It is really hard for me. I would prefer a predictable order and structure but a lot of times it almost feels like self sabotage to lean into the black hole productivity. it's all very paradoxical and confusing.

@@MomontheSpectrum exactly! I want to be super organized but then feel totally suffocated by my own schedule🫠

The black hole productivity late at night because the distractions of the world have gone to bed and things are quiet. I so know this space and also struggle with the self imposed mandate of getting up "on time" to be at my desk by 9 after so many years of working corporate.

You’re welcome! I’m glad this video was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.

You're so welcome. Thanks for your comment.

💞

🐈💜

Glad you’re here!

Yes I do this. One thing I will ask people is if they can say something like "hey I have a question for you" or something similar before trying to get my attention when I am focusing. I need something as a heads up before they start sharing information with me, because I will definitely tune them out FOR SURE.

You're welcome! Thanks for your comment.

Oh what a compliment! Thank you 😊