This makes so much sense. It's kind of where I'm at right now. Thank you so much.

Oh man, I'm the queen of avoidant behaviors. I get myself into so many jams. I will avoid dealing with time conflicts until they are at crisis level because I don't like to disappoint people. I feel guilty that I'm letting people down. That definitely stems from my trauma, that guilt, I think. I think it is healthy to have media or objects that are a no-go but skipping doctors and dental visits is obviously more serious and something to work on for sure. I think it's like, well if it isn't really impacting my life to take the long way around it then fine.

Such a good video. Thank you.

Jenn, not a day goes by without my thinking about death & dying & who i'm going to lose next & when. I think it stems from losing my fiance when i was 17 to a serious rta where his injuries were depcapitation & i was told by his father never to tell his mother or siblings the nature of his injuries. I wsn't allowed to attend the funeral - my mother whisked me away abroad because they didn't want to postpone their arranged trip to see family out there. I've lost so many friends & family over the years since & i hate funerals. I'm the youngest in the family but i didn't think when growing up that it would mean i'd be the last one surviving. I guess its natural that as we get older we experience more loss of people in our lives - i've heard people talk abojt this in a fairly flippant way but i find it really hard to cope with. I've been worrying about how i will cope logistically with my father's death for the last 10yrs, & i think daily what it wiĺl be like if/when my own spouse dies before i do - i know plenty of women live alone but i'm disabled so i've no idea what will happen. I avoid things & situations where i've previohsly suffered humiation (petrol stations, railway stations, butcher shops to name a few) & i only go out during daylight hours if i absolutely have to (for medical appointments mostly). I hate walking alongside main roads & past houses where there are windowsnso even lraving the house can be difficult for me. I rarely go anywhere alone now. I used to avoid anywhere where i'd have to wait with people in silence (school & college were hell & so were waiting rooms) & i couldn't eat in public (so cafes & restairants were definite no go areas) but these have subsided over the years, i'm happy to say, so i don't avoid those anymore, but actually getting there is fraught with anxiety. I use reparenting skills quite a lot to help myself cope, & i tell myself daily that there's no point worrying about what might happen when such & such happens because it's fruitless, may never happen in the way i imagine, & that other people cope so i will too, & there wil be time enough to worry when whatever it is does actually happen. Sometimes these thoughts help, sometimes they don't. I do find specific meditations help a lot. Avoidant behaviours i use to quell any potential rising overwhelming emottions are, reading books & magazines (but even they can be triggering at times), steeping myself in nature, doing varied craftwork, colouring, & doing word puzxles & onlike games such as spider solitaire - anything were i have to concentrate on what i'm doing so my mind doesnt wander into rumination on past trauma because that's when the overwhwlming feelings come up. Thanks for bringing up this topic, & i hope what i've said here doesn't affect or cause a triggering situation.

Jenn, i'm a little concerned & hope you are ok. Thinking of you. Belle.