Grandiose narcissists do SO MUCH future faking in their love bombing it's crazy

When a grandiose narcissist lovebombs you, it’s all for show. And when the show is over they soon forget about you, as though you never even existed.

Love bombing only benefits the narcissist. The person being loved bombed isn’t cared about in any way, shape or form.

If you ask me, being lovebombed by a covert is much worse and more dangerous. The grandiose may be effective by making you feel like a king/queen, but that same thing can also work as a red flag. It’s just too good to be true. Something’s off. Even before I had any kind of antinarc awareness, any sudden BIG move from a person that I just met, would have puzzled me. The covert lovebombing though....you should have been there to see it. Subtle, discreet, it was like lovebombing without bombing. No big gifts, no big gestures, no big social media statements, focused mainly on mirroring/twin flames, the tormented, misunderstood soul who just found another person with dignity....yeah, that stuff.

When someone does that shit, I dip. Because NOTHING in this world is free; at least from my perspective. And I'd literally never be able to repay. I see that as a bill. :/

Lovebombing is a thing that a divorced parent does to their child to get them to supply info on the other parent and sabotage things.

Here is my example. We are in New York meeting my husband's cousin for the first time, getting ready to eat at a restaurant, and he says to "hold up". He rushes out of the door and goes and buys roses for all the women. The night ends with him gaslighting his girlfriend in front of us. She's crying and starts throwing up. He makes her look like the crazy one. I'm totally confused, and I don't know what in the world is going on. But I realize that this cousin is not someone I ever want to see again.

On our second date, she promised me that all my financial problems are over. Who wouldn't love to hear that? Especially when you come from poverty...

I had a guy (long distance) tell me early on that he wanted to take me on a trip. Shortly after, I found out that he once booked a hotel for himself and another woman and never showed up. This woman traveled out of state to meet him and got stuck with the bill and the embarrassment of falling for his bs. I got lucky that I found out about his games early on. Glad I did a little investigating. He also lived with another woman. He enjoyed manipulating women and getting them to fall for him, but had no intention of following through with anything. Turns out, he was both a narcissist and a predator (long story), but the love bombing was definitely a thing. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it definitely is.

I lasted 6 years with a grandiose narcissist and I'm still alive! Ask me anything! These people are evil...

They are so impressed by their own bombing, sugar-coating..it is for their own glory. They get pumped up by your reaction, praise, and others who eventually see the grand gesture.

I love the movie narcissism breakdowns! We grow up on these shows and movies, being told they are so romantic, and thinking this is true love. It's such an indoctrination for falling for a narcissist later on!

My example would be living with my older sister…she let me live with her for a really affordable price, but would go through my journal/room when I wasn’t in the house. She was always able to fill a room with friends, but they were never the same ones for very long. She was always ready to host, but someone always has to be drinking as much as her. Basically, you’ll never be able to do enough, but they do it ALL. And don’t call them out for starting fights by using information that they found in your private journal, from inside your backpack, behind your closed bedroom door, cause it’ll just make them angry.

Kind of a rant but I had a short but awful romance with what I believe to be a narcissist. I was at a lonely and scarce place in life coming out of a previous relationship that scarred me from losing the person. I got grandiose stories of their (what I now think are fake) accomplishments, stories of travelling the world, and humanitarian desires. Instead of seeing it for what it was I fell for it and quite hard. I felt loved and cared for. I got the whole “I’ll do anything for you”, “I’ll love you forever”, all the corny stuff. Coming from a childhood of not feeling the affection I needed and also being in a tough position in life I latched on. The time it took for them to completely change into another person shocked me. It seemed as though all of the beautiful words quickly turned into gaslighting, mocking, endless complaints. I literally couldn’t even cross the street right because I’d either go to fast or too slow. I’m not even kidding! I was made to feel bad for having private phone calls with my parents because “I’d just talk bad about him”. I ended up feeling the most isolated I ever have in my entire life. I was broken. By the end of it I was a shell. We kind of mutually broke it off in a sort of way. At first I was in deep mourning but now I see that losing him was the best thing that could have happened. I am grateful for the experience as now I can spot narcissistic behaviour in people. Now I am blessed to be with someone who is genuinely loving. Hope you read this Dr. Ramani! Your videos are very healing and therapeutic to many people. You’re a star. Also a message to anyone still reading this, if you’re in an abusive relationship you absolutely can get out. Even if a part of you wants to hold on, make the moves to get out. You’ll be so much happier. I love you. 💛🧡💛🧡

It started with a watch and a vacation then turned to promises of extravagant European vacations, an m4 (which was later purchased and put in his name), and millions promised from some sort of medical glove deal involving billionaires and the government LOL the worst part was the promise to be taken care of while I let my own job suffer. When I actually needed help, he turned his back on me.

she actually told me she felt she was 'hooking me in'...at the time I was clueless that that was one of the biggest red flags there probably is...thank the powers that be that she discarded me after three months.

Yes, as you describe it Dr. Ramani. I have experienced this, a 9 hour first date in the big city, dinner at one of the most fancy restaurants, ending in the theater for The Wizard of Oz play that was amazing, I love the theater. Everything meticulous planned. He was rude to the taxi driver taking us to the theater because he got lost and we were late (red flag), he was also very anxious. I would say the grandiose is a fairly easy one to spot. He even told me "this is what you deserve" referring to the love bombing. It was a fireworks of red flags. Thankfully we never dated, it did not feel good after 3 dates. He did not take rejection well either, was always suspicious. It was not a good experience in the end. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this series, love it💖💖💖

“Pretty Woman!!” I use to find that movie “romantic.”🙄 Now, not so much at all! Lol Thanks Dr. Ramani. You have walked me through a dark journey, but we’ve made it out together!✊🏻💫

I will always remember what you said, "narcs always tell on themselves".

in my situation, the “love bombing” stage was more about him playing the “victim” and preying on my empathic nature. being who i am, i saw this as an opportunity to “save” him from his unfortunate life experiences and show him that he’s worthy of being loved. unfortunately this was the start of a one-sided relationship (me helping him with his divorce, his criminal charge, his kids, his home, etc.) while he (intentionally) behaved in ways that made me feel insecure. god forbid i addressed my insecurities with him! i was very quickly made to feel guilty for even questioning him (not to mention called names and told that it made me unattractive)! he never once addressed WHY i felt insecure nor did he ever care to address it!! his version of the story is that i was jealous and insecure, period! (something that is NOT who i am or ever was in previous relationships)! when i pointed things out to him on his phone or social media accounts, it was always turned on ME (that i was this AWFUL person for going through his phone rather than him focusing on WHY i felt the need to do that and address the concerns)! i was mentally and emotionally drained but still tried so hard to try to get him to understand how to have a healthy relationship with healthy communication! i tried more than i should have! he didn’t deserve my love or attention, but i can only pray that one day (maybe on his death bed) he might finally realize how he did me wrong!

I was love bombed by a narcissist. 1983. Went to Vegas, received marvelous shopping trips at Rodeo Drive and got jewelry and a real fur coat. Silver Fox. Countless pairs of expensive shoes,, makeovers,, cars,, big drug parties.This treatment made me feel like I was living in a glamorous movie. My life was a dream. Yes, the best way to put it was that I felt I was living in a dream. It turned out he was a thief and I was given a whole apartment full of furniture. Anyway, what happened to me is I lost touch with reality completely. I was given a false identity to use, and he did too. Anyway, what happened was the glamor wore off but by then it was too late, I had lost touch with reality. I lived in a disassociated state for years and joined into the life of crime. 3 babies and several jail terms later I am still trying to climb out of whatever vortex I fell into when I met this man. I was probably already vulnerable due to previous abuses and mishaps, but the 40 years of on and off history with him pushed me right off the cliff.

Next time I want to be the beloved.......its alot easier. The flowers used to be called "courting" now it has a totally different spin. Sad. If the grandiose love bombing is coupled with the victim stories, you just think that now that your person has found you, they are so excited to have found the one, it all fits together that they are in such a hurry to finally get their happy ever after, and its all up to you to make it happen. I am still healing.........7 months later.

I've never gone through it, my narcissists have been covert & malignant. The gift giving freaks me out. Romance or high level oozing flashy things are a major turn off for me.

The initial attention! The validation. The fairytale, other-worldy "connection". Getting too familiar too soon. It was all online. It went on for months and I practically kept begging for us to meet in person. And gas-lighting me to doubt my own commitment! He used to keep the video on and enjoy my presence, and revel in the attention I gave him. There was a LOT of future faking where he would sing a particularly emotional song on "our wedding", throw around names of exotic places for "our honeymoon", send me pictures of places where we would raise "our kids". It was pathetic. I saw it at the beginning, ignored a lot of red flags and ended up hurting myself in the process. Of course when I desperately wanted to leave and he sensed that, I was made to feel guilty for the "all the time he spent on me". Thanks to Dr Ramani, I learned about not just his truth but a lot of other people. A lot of past experiences started making sense and I've now begun to heal from those experiences.

I was lovebombed this summer. At the beginning, he was telling me that I was amazing and the best woman in the world. He said - I love you - very soon. At the end of summer, he told me that I wasn't the center of the Universe and started to be quite mean. Once he even told me that he was disappointed by my personality and that I was capricious. The narrative always changes, not for the best. I'm glad I have many other things in life, because a couple of years ago, it would have been very detrimental to my mental health. When he began to change his narrative, it wouldn't align with how I feel about myself (I am confident). I called him out and he didn't like it. He disappeared and I'm glad he did!

I once had a boyfriend who for my birthday (just two months of dating) got me 2 dozen long stemmed roses, brand new Fendi shoes, custom made gold earrings, my favorite YSL perfume (the large bottle, of course), advanced tickets to what was then hard to get tickets to a Harry Potter film, AND surprised me with reservations for myself and 8 of my friends to my favorite restaurant. He footed the bill. He'd gotten the phone numbers of these 8 friends from my cell phone while I had been showering without my knowledge. At the time, I'd been flattered by the surprise and "thoughtfulness" and missed the giant red flag of his violating my privacy. We'd moved in together too quickly too. When that relationship ended, this same guy literally snatched the sheets off the bed while I was lying on top of it because "he'd paid for them".

If the culture itself raises people to be narcissistic all the norms and displays of virtue will naturally be more about the self than the other.

YES!!! Burning Man, the good drugs, the loud sex, the expensive hotels….and it was magic. Which is now a huge red flag. It’s embarrassing looking back at how swept up I was, but I was hungry for the attention, so there it is.

Q: How many grandiose narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? A: either JUST ONE to hold the light bulb still while the world revolves around him, or NONE because he'll just have some underlings do the work that's obviously beneath him.

Mine showered me with money & expensive gifts. Unfortunately, I married mine & suffered for over 20 years. Now that I’m out, I see that he’s purchased expensive cars for 2 of his current girlfriends.

If I’m not mistaken I think Richard Gère has since expressed regret for having portrayed a misleadingly shallow and money oriented character.

Mine was tons and tons of verbal affirmations, physical affection, compliments on my looks and character, lots of attention and emojis and fun outdoor adventures, meals out. He knew that extravagant gifts were not high in my love language, so he piled on the non-material love language elements to the point that I really was drawn in and then hooked. It lasted a total of 75 days until I saw what was under the mask and disappeared.

Travel within first few weeks.Seven day cruise within 6 months. He knew I loved travel, and always had one scheduled, which made it more difficult to leave. Expensive gifts, large Diamond engagement ring in under a year, clothes; a great “lifestyle”, until it wasn’t….He was so skilled in identifying my weak spots and focusing hard on them. But I am gone and traveling with friends, family, and by myself! So much happier

The narc in my life used to pay for lunches & dinners, and even the times when we would go to the spa. She would pick up the tab for the massage. Went on a day trip with 4-5 friends to San Diego, and the narc picked up the entire lunch tab at an expensive Italian restaurant. 😮 Wow! What a gal! End result: narc turned on me with a smear campaign & turned those people against me. Went no contact & none of them are in my life now including the narc. The end.

My ex-boyfriend said that he would marry me so I would always be taken care of... within two weeks of meeting him. His family was wealthy and always going on beautiful vacations and buying the newest gadgets. He wanted me to move in right away. He hated it when I wanted to see my family and take care of my dad's dog while he took vacations.

Interesting that in the original “Pretty Woman” story, the rich guy throws her away at the end. She doesn’t do exactly what he wants. He realizes he doesn’t own her. So, he calls her a whore and abandons her. She drops to her knees, and cries as he walks away. The original writer WAS writing a narcissist tale, but that never would have worked for the movie. ~Nice catch. I didn’t see it until you pointed it out.

The narcissist I dated was a vulnerable one so I never got this experience. My stepfather tried to control us with money (“I did all this for you so you owe me!”) so if someone tried to love-bomb me, it’dtrigger that fear and I’ll run

That's what happened to me but with all honey moon stage I called it that phase ended quickly but that was after he had hooked me like a drug I'm still recovering from all the brain washing and future faking

When I met my ex, with in the first couple weeks she asked me if I’d like to have a child together. I was told she’d never let me go and she’d love me more than anyone ever had, Well none of the above ever happened, we got engaged to be married and even booked the venue, since then she’s ended the relationship quoting she still loves me more than anyone ever.. She wanted to remain friends but I declined, Since then we’ve fallen out.. I still miss her but she gives the impression splitting up was so easy. She says she cares but her actions doesn’t back her words up..

Thanks.:) The red flags are usually woven into the love bombing. You may see the red flags but unfortunately like you said, Dr Ramini, a justification is made. Please keep these videos coming, it is priceless to be empowered with the truth. Can we get this material to the younger generation? In schools?

Thank you for this topic! That absolutely describes my dad: He lovebombed all his wives and girlfriends with huge bouquets of longe-stemmed red roses, and also with expensive jewellery. And he got soooo angry when my mom did not like the jewellery, because there were so many other things that she was unhappy about...

You know what really got me was not the love bombing but the mirroring, allowing me lose my sense of self and erode my boundaries as I opened up to this person I thought I could trust. then came the projection of insecurities onto me, where all of my good qualities were really owned by this other person and all their bad qualities were actually my fault. very wild ride.

I had unusual grandiose lovebombing, but he tailored it to my situation. He drove through blizzards to sit beside me in hospital where I had my knee replaced, bringing iced treats to eat that he hand fed...he'd appear at the rehab hospital during visiting hours bringing pie for the nurses, helped wheel me around carefully, tenderly. This man who I had had 3 dates with prior to surgery was all over it.......BUT red flag I noted but ignored he wasn't able to take me to, or pick me up from either hospital which was a huge problem for me. So the repeated visits were lovely but I needed transportation....and after I paid for a service to drive me the 3hrs home....he showed up at my door 45 mins later...from his home 4hrs away. Arrgh.

"Happy ever after, my ass!" Truer words have rarely been spoken...

This happened to me before I even knew what Narcissism was (10 yrs ago). When we started dating, he would buy me concert tickets to my favorite band, my favorite beer, my favorite candy, buy me new tires, take me on a shopping spree and spend hundreds on me, write me checks to help pay my bills, buy every time we went to dinner, etc. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world! But little did I know, he was trapping me. That was hands down the most horrible, abusive relationship that I was ever in. It only lasted 3.5 yrs because I wised up and got out! My favorite was when he would get mad at me because I offered to pay for dinner, because he insisted on paying every time. Then he would go to my family and tell them what a free loader I was...

Grandiose narcissist will give you the whole world and everything you NEVER asked for...then they will turn around and call you a leech and a user. And IF they ever realize how bad they have hurt you they will try to buy your love back with money and gifts...she even used her kids to get me back once.

I had a grandiose love bomber. He promised me a bunch of stuff, asked me out repeatedly and the moon and stars. He didnt get very far because i recognized the act and kicked him to the curb. Part of me wanted to see how far he would go, but the love bomb clarity told me no.

Once, my father purchased my mother dozens of long stem roses of various colors. He had me cut & put them into vases. Her reaction was so confusing: she was NOT impressed. She didn't even care. I later found out that he wanted something from her. Transactions! So, I am highly suspicious of this kind of behavior. I can see how I could fall for lovebombing, but it wouldn't be apparent to a narcissist, unless he did some serious homework. But, thanks to Dr. Ramani, I will be very wary of revealing anything.

Doctor Ramani - I adore watching you!! :) you are the most down - to - earth, normal person ever!

Red roses on every step up to his apartment, roses everywhere for months was surrounded by bloody roses. Fancy meals.. 7 months in and hit me in the face during sex 3 times ! Dumped me only to gain control in getting me back, the little put me downs … glad to be out of the emotional whirlwind

Just know that if another woman can take your man she’s doing you a huge favor!

Had one of this kind of encounters some years ago, it took 3 eyewide open dates, listening carefully all the fairytales involving me since day one, I kept my poker face with a silent smile, and putting in practice what I already knew about the topic. I saw all the carnival of red flags! Thank to the info you bring you can prevent many for not falling into the crazy trap. Thanks, Dr. Ramani ❤

You are always ON POINT Dr. Ramani. She convinced me to quit my job and move 2 hours north to Portland for her. Everything you mention in this video I have experienced. I'm so glad I found your channel because I felt so powerless after she kicked me to the curb. I fell in love with her sons and I miss them so much now. I hope they search for me when they get older. I know they will always remember me, they witnessed her abuse many times.

This movie is nothing more than GROOMING tool to present the prostitution as something very thrilling, lol. There was another movie back then with Teresa Russel which was the realistic view, about the same profession but the critics called it vulgar... interesting!

I now know to watch out for love bombing. I will simply run !

Watch their reaction when you go from saying "thank you" to just "thanks" instead. It's very telling!

Videos of himself sent to me during the day along with the hundreds of text messages with proclamations of the love he has finally found. My. God. Its been bad. And sickening. I'm out after 90 days.as of 30 days ago...I I'm disgusted with myself...hes now out prowling around like Mr.Goodbar after our " tragic breakup " lol Ps I knew at the core of my being it wasn't real.....but thought it was more about the big dopamine rush that was happening...but JUST finding out about narc. We already went thru the rage and devaluing stages...

He was more covert, and he quickly ascertained my wounds and then lovebombed me with attention, mirroring, and the usual standbys of charm and charisma. I was hooked in a very short time.

Ive been blaming myself lately for not seeing the signs after almost two decades into a narcissistic relationship. “Creating a distraction from the red flags” makes sense and I now understand why I made excuses for his behavior. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and helping me understand and move forward with my journey through healing.

My husband started grandios (he forfilled my wishes without me needing to tell/sometimes I even didn't know. We both finished our school/training so we hadn't much money. So it was one expensive red rose but there was also a very romantic text. He knew I love these little things. Also he calling and texting me. But it soon started that he was rude/ignoring/rageous when I got to 'secure' of his feelings. So I had to please and fight for him. So he tricked me in the belief that he was/is something special bc it's hard to hold him (as if there were many other women who would have wanted him. There was not one but I realised it way to late!). After all these years I forgot so much what happened to be able to stay in this relationship (I thought I was doing something good to my daughter to keep her Dad in our life - so she wasn't alone with her Mom who can't do anything right and is probably insane). Now I don't have proof to anybody (the court /divorce) what man he is. (Funny/sad fact: my daughter is begging me to divorce bc she already is getting ill and can see her Dad as who he is.) I try to greyrock and after 'lovebombing light' and rage we are back to grandios lovebombing. How I wished I could get back the early days - but now as I can see it myself (THANK YOU DR. RAMANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it makes me sick! (But I have to admit his lovebombing helps me overcome my fear of him. And his rage tells me I can't stay.) Greetings from Austria!💜💜💜💜💜

What should it have told me when on our first date my future husband took me to see "The Silence of the Lambs"? His narcissism didn't become evident until about seven years into our marriage, after we had three kids. He walked out on me and divorced me after 23 years of marriage. As one of my sons later said, "Mom, you should have divorced Dad; he was an awful husband."

The gifts aren't actually gifts at all. They're tools for mirroring what they want you to do for them

Thank you so much dr Ramani! As someone who’s in a violent aggressive narcissistic relationship the reason why I’ve been with him for a year is because of the love bombing and future faking he promised me in the beginning the whole world because at the time I was severely depressed and isolated from my family ,He told me it was okay to lose my job and he Would take care of me ( as he earns a lot more) and now I am in the mercy for him to have something to eat or get beat up for having an opinion. I feel stupid and dumb to believe his fairy tale and it’s hard to escape at the moment as he has isolated me from my family and friends but I keep watching your videos as it makes me feel sane against his gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. He put me in HOSPITAL and still his family and friends thinks he’s an angel and I’m the trouble maker. I never knew evil like this existed until now and I’m 25. I relate to everyone in these comments and I hope I can do better one day to come across narcissistic demons

I went so cheap I’m embarrassed. He was a Master with timing. And I fell hard.

Yeah ... surprised by a 10 days holiday in Santorini it was certainly a grandiose gesture for a middle class couple like us .It was overwhelming for me because until then it was only a dream . And ,of course I paid that huge bill next years of our relationship . I learned my lesson , grand gestures are never for free ..

This video was so on point, it unexpectedly made me cry. I identify with every single thing you said.

“You get anything you want” I heard that a lot. Yes the charm and putting in a show for everyone! Wish I learned about “love bombing” early in my life! Yes they try to take away the “bad things” they do

Not my story, but the biggest love bomb i know of was with my friend years ago. Her boyfriend of a 1-3 week paid for her tattoo sleeve and bought flight, hotel, and front concert tickets to Brittney Spear's shows in Vegas. He made her biggest dream come true, and then turned psycho...

This was my entire second marriage to a surgeon. The initial love bombing is so overwhelming that you think wow this is amazing! He/she must love me so much! And then you start to realize these people only know how to buy love and not really feel or give it.

My ex-husband bought me a new minivan when I filed for divorce 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh yeah....unending bouquets delivered into office for days on end.being flown to house on the wild coast for holiday.presents (clothes.accessories) dinners.helicopter ride.katamarin outing in ocean.etc etc....the drop was long and extremely painful.took years to recover.

Everything you’re saying hits home 100%.

I watched the film about Jonestown and Jim Jones was a heinous narcissist. His son and few others escaped and still haven't forgotten his ability to get his way. He used GOD to LOVE BOMB which would validate his behavior, in his drugged and malcontented state of mind.🏹

I think this is also done to set the bar very, very high. If I didn't match his level of thoughtfulness, or romance, any attempts I made to do something special for him were undermined. He would bring up all of the romantic things he did for me, and how I couldn't manage to do the same. It was sad. I would work so hard on something nice for him, and he'd just belittle it. I remember once, when he was fighting with me about me not doing enough romantic things for him, I brought up the fact that I have actually wrote this man love poems, many times, and he says "Do you really think you're the first person to do that for me?" My heart broke. It was just awful :(

Oooh, great topic! I experienced a few workplace love-bombing cycles from a grandiose narcissistic boss. I agree that this can activate those feelings of neglect from childhood and flood us with the cognitive distortion of, "I'm finally getting the recognition I deserve." As you alluded to, the love-bombing gifts and activities distracted from the shady baseline treatment I was receiving and set me up for being asked to perform beyond my comfort level and boundaries in order to reinforce and feed the narcissist's grandiose image. Thanks Dr. Ramani!

The hockey tickets to sit behind the glass at one of the most expensive venues as a Christmas gift 2 months into our relationship. Oh and the massive bouquet of flowers for my bday delivered to my work. Oh and also the over $500 Michael Kors smart watch for my bday

I’m not sure if he was a grandiose narcissist… he was a broke dude but he said he wanted to take me to a nice hotel, that he wanted to buy me a nice outfit. He said he wanted to make me pregnant on the first date. He said he wanted to make my dreams come true… later I come to find out he’s broke and has lots of debt cause he couldn’t even keep his money in the bank or they would take them. He said he was smarter than 90% of people, he had a big head he said, he was a genius and could well be the smartest man alive… 🙄 he

I dated a grandiose skydiver for about a year and a half. He gave the best gifts ever, sometimes for no reason except that I mentioned liking something. He took me on the best dates. Then, one day, he said I should break up with all of my friends, move in with him and pay rent, put all of my belongings into his garage, and just hang out with him and his friends. He said he saw the love die from my eyes at that moment.

For the 1st year.... Eating out at nice restaurants, trips, activities, going over the top with my son trying to do everything to make him happy. 6 years later and apart, he has told me that first year was all pretend. After that year, everything went downhill, to the point of my son moving to his Dad's at age 12. The show ended and his true self came out after that year. He use to say he wanted to help me experience things I could never experience, then it turned out that he really just wanted to feel like a hero, it was just a selfish act. So yeah, this video hits home.

Thank you Doctor Ramani ❤️

I have never lovebombed in the way that you described here maybe because I have never been attracted to gifts or dream vacations. My narcissists were much more dangerous. They lovebombed me by intelligent compliments that made them so charming to me. They told that I was the one who understood them implying that I was the soulmate. They pretended that they cannot stay away from me and always wanting to hear from me. They were really intelligent and texted intelligent and creative compliments in daily basis. They always talked about the movies, books and all kinds of intellectual stuff I was interested in until I fell into them. After they got me invalidation and discarding phases came out. I was always attracted to intellectual narcissists. So they also invalidated and discarded me intellectually :D I am an academician, but I didn't know anything about narcissism and my tendency for trauma bonded relationships until watching your (and two other psychologists') videos. There are so many narcissists in academia. Thanks to your videos I learned how to stay away from all of them.

Escapism best word for their action discharge mode of functioning. The opposite of insight oriented functioning.

I remember saying, I’ll break up with him after….There was always something fun in the wings. They usually show up just where they need to to keep the fish swimming toward their bait.

My grass needed mowing. At MY house, he mowed my name in my backyard, then climbed up on the roof of my house and took a photo of his handy work. I was bowled over! This was before digital photos existed.

If I remember correctly, it's a business man and a prosititue, so the unhealthiness is deeply rooted in money. I think the film was suppose to be something "alturistic"... as in, a business man falls in love with a prostitute and wants to give her a better life. I haven't seen the film in at least 2 decades myself. The female narcissist I had a relationship with was a bit grandiose: actress, model, big events, parties in million dollar apartments, always chasing the next big thing and wants you to come along... but no real job that you could see, didn't want you to see the inner workings of her life and when you eventually did it was a mess, it then gets crazy and you can guess how it goes from there.

Over the top gifts and money spending. In my life as a child i saw the country club scene were money and tips of tons of money switched hands. You got me a good tee time here is $60 dollars this was the 1980s. I saw this manipulation and was disgusted by the number of people who engaged in this activity. All the while i knew there was a family member who could use 1/3 of that money.

Another aspect of this topic is the effect it can have on people already in established relationships. As a matter of principle, I’ve never pursued a women who is already in a relationship. That’s my standard. A few months before we separated, my former partner got a new boss who’s a grandiose communal narcissist (thank you so much for helping me recognise the patterns). Sure, we had challenges, though it seemed at the time we were progressing. I had noticed she’d been getting distant for a couple months. Unbeknown to me at the time, he’d been love bombing her and she fell for the apparent fairytale. 14 years together and after a few months working with her new boss, one day she suddenly left, unannounced, and without any conversation, to be with him. They moved in together a week later, at his insistence. Three years later, with plenty of future faking and other red flags, those I know who are close to her say she has a facade of happiness, seems unhappy, angry and withdrawn, with little if any of the genuine joy, life and exuberance she used to exude. Though I don’t like the way we ended, I feel blessed and grateful for our time together. Your series has helped me in multiple domains of life, personal and professional, thank you.

Three different ones, similar traits. Each relationship lasting under a year, thank goodness. From trying to rush the relationship, sending dozens of romantic cards, being overly affectionate, and telling people after 2 weeks of dating that we were soulmates, to starting arguments for the sake of arguing, pressuring me to "keep up" and fit into her lifestyles, degrading and embarrassing me in public, then rejection and quickly moving on to the next guy. I'm not a wimp and I've also had other more normal relationships, but I often seem to attract this type, and still do.

Oh no, I'm being lovebombed now!! Expensive weekend in very expensive hotel, flowers, showered with compliments, and this is second time, after I walked away first time. I do have been sucked into it all again, thinking he's changed. Dr Ramani, help me see sense, because I can see the red flags but I'm ignoring them.

Oh Dr. Ramani ever since learning about narcissism I don’t enjoy romance movies or romance novels. Those novels were the worst normalizing narcissism as romantic(love bombing, bullying, humiliation, discarding)I used to read those novels in boarding school fantasizing about Prince Charming coming to my rescue. Yikes!

It ONLY feels like sth. is off, there is no joy in receiving all those expensive gifts when there is no emotions involved; It makes ppl doubt their reality and gut feelings!

I was never a huge fan of romantic comedies or straight-up romance movies. Recently, I finally watched my first romantic comedy in years (Imagine Me and You) and found it pretty enjoyable aside from the moments that induced secondhand embarrassment. Maybe because there was little to no grandiose displays of affection and aggressive nonsense meant to be taken as flirtatious and loving. When someone was being an ass, others would point it out, and that probably helped too.

I had a guy take me to Niagara Falls - first date - take me to the revolving tower restaurant there, had steak and wine, he told me he knew he was going to fall in love with me, second date he bought me a $10 000 diamond ring (he gave me the receipt with it so I knew the price), asked me to quit my job and move to Australia with him....I knew something was off...we were together every day for 2 weeks...I didn't want to keep the ring because it was way too early...anyway he ended up getting offended with me and basically left after 2 weeks without saying goodbye.

I can't wait to watch this video! , Thanks dear Dr. Ramani 🤗

Dr. Ramani, first of all thank you so much for your amazing content. Secondly, can you please do a video on the show Succession? The show presents a narcissistic family dynamic that I feel is soooo accurate.

great conversation Pretty Woman premiered in 1990. My jaw drops when people say it’s their favorite movie. I have problems with Cinderella stories in general but this one is just awful in my opinion. One thing I believe I have noticed about love bombing (I’ve experienced it once but seen it happening to others) is, the person doing it seems almost impulsive, not concerned with sincerity or how over the top the attention is, like it’s not about you at all. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. For compliments as well as insults, I believe people shouldn’t give you attributes you haven’t earned.

"saving" you out of a toxic situation to get you nice and isolated. A classic

"Happily ever after my ass!" You have a special way with words!

Nex "lost" wedding ring on a trip he took and came home with a new iPad for me.

Every Christmas. Christmas is also my birthday. It’s always a big reveal type of over the top gifting and the perfect gift wrap and the staging etc. I got to a point where I resented all of the wow and fantastic gifts when he didn’t give one single love language gift all the year prior. I called him out. I cried. It didn’t matter. Anyway, he got caught cheating on me..we are separated in the house. He got me cheap crap last year. I’ve thrown most of it away. Definitely guilt gifting and a distraction from his cheating and the grooming of others. He’s moved on from me to our grandson now. His birthday was a mess of over the top. The in laws and grandparents were ALL put to shame. Sad 😞