In part 3 of a 3 part series, Mormon dancer Benji Schwimmer discusses his coming to terms with his sexuality and his religious faith.
---------------
***We are 100% donor funded! Please click here to donate to keep this content coming!: donorbox.org/mormon-stories?d...
---------------
Timecodes:
00:20 Starting a group about same sex attraction. Getting Evergreen material
02:28 Joining support groups. Needing safety because of his fame. Being reminded
03:55 Unhelpful material. Dancing as a profession
07:25 Reparative therapy
09:37 Explaining about a traumatizing experience, becoming numb
10:23 SSA becoming an issue. Still in contact, but needing to move on
12:23 What if it had happened?
13:14 Difficult but the biggest blessing he ever had
13:47 Buying house and losing everything. Decision to go work again
16:37 Religious views in this time
17:11 'Temple worthy' relationship with his first boyfriend
20:48 Living in the tempting zone, breaking things off
22:34 Telling parents and other family
23:53 Feeling unworthy to take sacrament himself for a while
27:07 Trying to make his feelings and his religion work together
29:26 Finding the love of his life but how that still didn't work out
33:34 Only choices: find a woman or stay celibate
34:12 Keeping himself out of the temple. Really mixed feelings. Depression
37:24 Gay festivals. Getting exposed to just really friendly and nice gay people.
38:57 Imbalance between joy on earth and in the next life
39:37 Asking for a disciplinary council. Scrupulosity
40:43 Hope to find restitution, start with a clean slate
43:56 Talking about BYU secret societies.
45:02 Hearing the verdict. Beautiful experience. Now withdrawing
46:06 Trying to make things work. Thanking John.
48:30 Becoming apologist
50:55 Moving to family ward
58:48 Talk with his 2nd boyfriend. Breakdown
1:02:10 Knowing his answer but having to re-assess
1:03:47 Visit to old Stake President
1:12:35 Getting back to church. Hoping to get his answer - and getting it
1:19:20 Icing on the cake
1:26:40 The message
1:32:59 Changes since resigning
1:38:46 Sabbaticals
1:40:04 Quick reflections about Evergreen etc.
1:43:36 Feedback or council for everyone in a similar position
1:50:10 'Gay bounce'. How avoid it?
1:53:30 Still picking up the pieces
1:56:42 Looking back on spiritual experiences while in
1:58:30 What are your current beliefs
2:02:00 Speaking to people currently in the box
2:04:11 Closing words
#LDS #Mormon #PostMormon #ExMormon #MormonStories #Religion #Education