Best Chuck Norris Jokes

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Best Chuck Norris Jokes

Рет қаралды 339,846

cipriAIn

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 801

@firebird77clonefirebird89 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Noris doesn't flush the commode. He simply looks down and scares the shit out of it.

@sacul7694 Жыл бұрын

🤣😂

@ajha100 Жыл бұрын

Wow that’s good, can’t believe I’ve never heard it!

@mauricebrocklehurst2358 Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

@mauricebrocklehurst2358 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris doesn't have to jump over fences the fence jumps over him, too get out of his way.

@elhajjzafeermuhammad1530 Жыл бұрын

😂🤣🤣👍🏿

@simonrook5743 Жыл бұрын

Many people don’t realise Chuck Norris was in Star Wars, he played the Force.

@Username-o5r 11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂 underrated

@egorpro420 7 ай бұрын

"may chuck norris be with you"

@lalon2337 6 ай бұрын

Imagine the dark side of Chuck Norris then

@anthonybaskette1708 5 ай бұрын

good one

@DoNotForget45180 4 ай бұрын

*Delta Sometimes u need to add something..mathematics or something else..i dont know 😊

@bobboy5508 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris actually told this one. “ I was in a cage with a tiger, petting it. The tiger started to growl and get mad. So the handler leaned in and whispered, back away very slowly to not anger him. So the tiger backed away slowly as instructed”.

@whatisahandle221 Жыл бұрын

🙀

@dnice4515 Жыл бұрын

That comment brought me here

@happninpup1 Ай бұрын

😂😂

@ProtectionOfficerThomasLawson 22 күн бұрын

😂 now that one was funny

@GodlessScummer Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris makes a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith slaps himself.

@godsdisease Жыл бұрын

You win! 🤣🤣🤣 This is the best one so Far! 👏👏👏

@Flashback2020 Жыл бұрын

well played

@jimthomas1989 Жыл бұрын

Just remember to keep your Hancock out of his wife's mouth

@TonyMontana-os7kg Жыл бұрын

Will slaps Jada

@jimthomas1989 Жыл бұрын

@@TonyMontana-os7kg , if he did smack Jada, He might just get someone else's Hancock juice on himself .

@carlstanley3718 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him so he tracked down nothing and killed it

@jasonrobbins4227 Жыл бұрын

😆😆😆😆😆 priceless

@ducatirottie 11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@BoBbYFJoHnSoN91 9 ай бұрын

Lmao

@donnell751 8 ай бұрын

Yo!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@anthonybaskette1708 5 ай бұрын

this one is actually funny

@arghapirate2427 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once went to a feminist protest. He came back with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.

@ammarali2928 Жыл бұрын

And herpes

@jackryderproductions1030 Жыл бұрын

@@ammarali2928herpes got chuck norris.

@sharkz401 Жыл бұрын

Is that a true story?

@jackryderproductions1030 Жыл бұрын

@@sharkz401 possibly

@jimbobjunior. Жыл бұрын

@@jackryderproductions1030 definitely

@A-RJ Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris left home he told his dad “ You’re the man of the house now”.

@aeopmusic Жыл бұрын

When chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out

@cavemanjoe79 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

@applejacks971 Жыл бұрын

@@aeopmusic LMAO!!!!!!! The is heeeeLARIOUS LOL!!!!

@thomasoegerli7762 Жыл бұрын

That's what Zlatan Ibrahimovic did (according to himself)

@Pining_for_the_fjords Жыл бұрын

@@cavemanjoe79Then he told his parents to stop crying, bought them lunch and drove them home from the hospital.

@JLCmike4014 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945. The nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

@TheOriginalJphyper Жыл бұрын

If only that were true. He was born March 10, 1940. The Japanese tried attacking the US because they wanted to get rid of Chuck Norris before it was too late.

@artempozdniakov2850 Жыл бұрын

Chick Norris never had a father. He went back in time and conceived himself

@JLCmike4014 Жыл бұрын

@@artempozdniakov2850, Chuck Norris died 10 years ago. The grim reaper is just too scared to tell him.

@captainskipper4858 Жыл бұрын

Chuck was born March of 1940

@JLCmike4014 Жыл бұрын

@@captainskipper4858, Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse that was aggravating him. We now have giraffes because of that.

@tobeymaguire5110 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris is the only person who can divide by zero.

@tellmemoreplease9231 10 ай бұрын

So good...

@MrStarTraveler 9 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... Twice! 🤣

@jackbusby9602 4 ай бұрын

As a retired teacher, this one is my favorite.

@jonbrown9490 Жыл бұрын

When asked how many pushups he can do...Chuck Norris simply replied " All of them"

@Gofar1898 10 ай бұрын

When Chuck Norris sets up an account the terms and conditions agree with him.

@xMadMurdockx 2 ай бұрын

That’s a good one lol

@malcolmjuma5233 Күн бұрын

This is the one..haha

@Irishdrivingbloopers Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris has a panic room in his house so the burglars have somewhere to hide from him.

@abymathew295 Жыл бұрын

When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris..😂🤣

@Imad_Oofus 11 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris has a diary: it’s called The Guinness Book Of World Records.

@raducbarbuta2916 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.

@UncleLincoln 7 ай бұрын

Best 1 !!!!

@lalon2337 6 ай бұрын

Brilliant

@noneya4705 4 ай бұрын

Victoria's secret is that she's really a man

@tonytaf107 4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@i.d.9754 4 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris is the reason behind the Beyond of Bed, Bath, and Beyond

@funnelwebspider9078 Жыл бұрын

In his spare time, Chuck Norris teaches sharks how to swim

@davidwuhrer6704 11 сағат бұрын

Chuck Norris doesn't swim. Water just likes to be around him. (Actually, he can swim on land.)

@danfox1458 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

@applejacks971 Жыл бұрын

Has anyone ever did the 'Google Search for Chuck Norris'? The FIRST search literally says 'Even Google knows you don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you'. Its pretty epic, do it!

@user-wd6zu2rj5e 6 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@rudrashakti108 Жыл бұрын

The only time chuck Norris ever failed at anything was when he started a toilet paper company. Problem was, his product wouldn't take shit from nobody.

@davidwuhrer6704 11 сағат бұрын

He never makes mistakes. He thought he did once, but no.

@freedomring3022 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird

@SolidSmud Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can kill five birds with half a stone. Now I know what you're thinking, "There's no such thing as half a stone." Well, tell that to the birds.

@tonytaf107 4 ай бұрын

He can kill 2 stone with his "little bird"

@brianmorris364 Жыл бұрын

When chuck norris tells a joke the punch line knocks you out cold.

@SvenOppenhaeuser 4 ай бұрын

With a rounhouse kick.

@MegaWelly4312 10 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris is the only person who has counted to infinity, twice 😭😂

@mauthoormotasim6332 6 ай бұрын

The emoji ruins the joke

@jakeg3126 2 ай бұрын

@@mauthoormotasim6332I was thinking same thing

@chalk6ix_nz950 11 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris never ever retreats. He just starts attacking the other way.

@rubenbotha5083 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris is so tough he can answer a missed call ☎️

@jr.a8301 3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂thats a good one

@buzzshytyear3358 Жыл бұрын

Giraffes never existed until Chuck Norris upper cutted a horse

@m.thephilosopher Жыл бұрын

Yesterday Chuck Norris died - today he is already better 😅

@eman-pu5kk Жыл бұрын

He actually died 10 years ago...the grim reaper is just too scared to tell him.

@99mrpogi 6 ай бұрын

@@eman-pu5kkChuck Norris died 30 times he now has 900 lives left

@gearhead7896 Жыл бұрын

I came up with a Chuck Norris joke years ago..... Here it is; Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't fart? Because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.

@paulleeamory.5832 2 ай бұрын

Well actually, he once did. The trouble is it was known as the first nuclear bomb test.

@davidwuhrer6704 11 сағат бұрын

That's a good one

@mikejohnston5591 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris won a staring contest against Medusa.

@paulleeamory.5832 3 ай бұрын

He also won a staring contest with the sun.

@jakeg3126 2 ай бұрын

@@paulleeamory.5832he gave the sun sunburn doing it

@paulleeamory.5832 2 ай бұрын

@@jakeg3126 Good one. Let me change it up a bit though. Chuck Norris doesn't get a sunburn; the sun gets a Chuckburn.

@jakeg3126 2 ай бұрын

@@paulleeamory.5832 that’s better than

@techno_dependent Жыл бұрын

chuck norris looked at the sun.. the sun went blind

@frostghost75_6 Жыл бұрын

When chuck norris went to court he gave the judge a slap on the wrist.

@24magiccarrot Жыл бұрын

One of the proudest moments of Chuck Norris's life was when he conceived his parents.

@calidude4211 Жыл бұрын

nice

@cursedcat6467 10 ай бұрын

Wait a minute

@GCTWorks Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris does not mow the lawn, he dares the grass to grow.

@MrPotpot73 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Morris can rub 2 fires together and make a stick...

@anibaldk 4 ай бұрын

Joke is: Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing two ice cubes

@phcusnret 3 ай бұрын

😂

@carlbruschnigjr1757 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris has calculated Pi to the final decimal . . .

@thirdeye6310 Жыл бұрын

The funny thing is the jokes in the comments section are funnier than anything in the vid

@penegakkeadilanpembasmikej5022 Жыл бұрын

I do not always click like in comment section but when I do , I click on you

@jakeg3126 2 ай бұрын

@@penegakkeadilanpembasmikej5022stay thirsty my friends

@Enlil-vo3nt Жыл бұрын

Jesus Christ may walk on water. But Chuck Norris swims through land.

@99mrpogi Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can kill Goliath by launching a paper clip using a rubber band

@chuckypanado2269 Жыл бұрын

If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

@silverjohn6037 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris was in the running for the world record for doing pushups but was disqualified when the judges realized he was doing world downs.

@Kiwi_T-Bone Жыл бұрын

Haha world downs 🤣

@__The.World.of.Music__ 9 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris disqualified the judges

@jeffjedlick6655 Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris' parents were scared they'd ask him if they could sleep in his bedroom 😁

@ducatirottie 11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@notatroll5993 9 ай бұрын

That’s a good one

@MeisterEberDerEchte 10 ай бұрын

When Graham Bell invented the phone, he already had 3 missed calls by Chuck Norris.

@jamesmccoy4793 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once lost both of his legs in a motorcycle accident. By the time the ambulance arrived, he'd already gotten up and walked it off.

@olivierrevet5953 Жыл бұрын

Chuck norris taught sun tzu the art of war

@bombercountyblues Жыл бұрын

Chuck norris can make a paraplegic run for his life!

@ducatirottie 11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@YYY-GUY Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris is the only man that can dribble a bowling ball.

@benjaminA.stantonpun Жыл бұрын

Sergeant Cordell Walker was so excited when he landed the roll of Chuck Norris. 😄

@jamesv8239 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris doesn't run to the finish line, the finish line runs to him.

@RolandDelCielo Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once won the Tour de France with a stationary bicycle.....

@mikehughes4969 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris has a bearskin rug. The bears not dead, it's just afraid to move. My personal favorite.

@tron3entertainment Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once shot down an airplane by pointing with finger and saying, "Bang!"

@steffenbendel6031 7 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris gets 4 in a row in tic tac toe

@cyberfennek Жыл бұрын

Chucks roundhouse kick is the reason earth rotates :D

@richieNL1 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews on bee's.

@christopherclose6980 Жыл бұрын

sharks get in cages to swim with chuck norris

@99mrpogi Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris was seen not clapping after Joseph Stalin's speech, Joseph Stalin apologized to Chuck Norris and promised to improve his speech

@firey7710 6 күн бұрын

Thats a good one

@davidwuhrer6704 11 сағат бұрын

Stalin never accepted applause for himself. He always clapped with his comrades because the applause was not for him, but for the common cause. Pretty easy for Khrushchev to dismantle a cult of personality that never existed. It also makes Solzhenitsyn look stupid for claiming that nobody dared to stop clapping. Anyway: In his films, Chuck Norris is always fighting Communists. In one of the first he shoots tens of thousands of them with a few hundred bullets.

@crosshair4543 9 ай бұрын

You know they say Chuck Norris is so tough there’s no chin under his beard. There is only another fist

@rickgiesbrecht7612 Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris looks at a map he doesn't see just cities and roads, he sees people waving at him

@subicstationditosailor4053 Жыл бұрын

My son came up with a good one last night. Chuck Norris once drank a bud light....and he is still straight.

@ricardoalbuquerque7665 Жыл бұрын

Borglum tried to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but failed because the granit wasn't hard enough for his beard.

@imsongerimti 10 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris once sat down while he was still standing...

@qpeocn Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can play the piano with a violin.

@AB-ez4rm Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris spilled some of his DNA on a semi-truck. Now that truck is known as Optimus Prime.

@doncunningham3124 5 ай бұрын

One time Chuck Norris punched a cyclops between the eyes.

@ananthzzz Жыл бұрын

Chuck shaves with a chainsaw... it breaks down everytime, so he still has a beard

@red-whitestarline Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

@random_kid_ 11 ай бұрын

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he keeps his nightmares awake night.

@ivengideonv6428 Жыл бұрын

Chuck went to the Virginia islands now they just call them the islands

@michaelmontgomery5818 Жыл бұрын

i’m probably the 20th One to tell you, but you fucked that up

@PhantomFilmAustralia Жыл бұрын

CHUCK NORRIS: _"Why don't you take the night off?"_ JOHN WICK: _"Thank you, sir."_

@mauricebrocklehurst2358 Жыл бұрын

yeah 😂

@nasukemugiwara Жыл бұрын

Chuck norris was born in a hospital he built with his own hands

@Yungdikdong 8 күн бұрын

Chuck Norris is so good, he can change the outcome of a game just by staring at the scoreboard.

@fatherdolli 8 ай бұрын

A Smith and wesson sleeps with chuck norris under its pillow

@sinless Жыл бұрын

As a grown man i still laugh at this. Looking back i think that it’s hilarious that I thought chuck norris was an actual GOD as a kid

@Andreschannel_SA Жыл бұрын

You mean to suggest he isn't??????

@Ryan-ff2db Жыл бұрын

@@Andreschannel_SA Yeah, I was a bit confused by his comment as well.

@benjaminA.stantonpun Жыл бұрын

Walker Texas Ranger sure made him look invincible.

@Watcher4111 Жыл бұрын

Of course Chuck Norris isnt God. Chuck Norris is more powerful and beyond any god

@lucaskillen2676 10 ай бұрын

@pioneernut7487 not funny bro…

@_DB.COOPER 5 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a King Cobra and after seven days of excruciating pain the snake finally died.

@SergeantC2 Жыл бұрын

Rumor has it that Chuck Norris once lost a fight with a pirate. Chuck started the rumor himself because he wanted to fight more pirates. Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero. Chuck Norris doesn't read books -- he stares them down until they give him the information he wants. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. The words assemble themselves on the page out of fear. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called the Islands.

@jendel42750 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris blows bubbles with beef jerky.

@slpwlkr2250 Жыл бұрын

"Every year to his Birthday Chuck Norris chooses one lucky child and throws it into the sun." I have heard this once and it is still my favorite joke

@lucaskillen2676 10 ай бұрын

I was last year’s child, I’m so lucky

@jimwebser2180 Жыл бұрын

Ten years ago Chuck Norris kicked a football noone has caught it yet

@Seth_kinda_italian Жыл бұрын

When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon chuck Noris was there to greet him

@lethalwolf7455 Ай бұрын

Chuck Norris actually died six years ago, but the Grim Reaper is still working up the courage to tell him.

@manicmechanic448 Жыл бұрын

If Chuck Norris was to punch Clint Eastwood, we would finally know what would happen when an unstoppable force met an immovable object.

@BTC909 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can stop a passenger plane at 35,000 Ft. & kick off an unruly passenger.

@BlueOx2277 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris invented hamburgers by throwing a cow at a chain link fence

@phcusnret 3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@Tesseract.X 9 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris won the Tour De France - on an exercise bike.

@miikavihersaari3104 8 ай бұрын

Some people can do a stunt where they drive a car on two wheels, but Chuck Norris can drive a motorcycle on zero wheels.

@Stefan- Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep, he waits.

@chalk6ix_nz950 11 ай бұрын

The Golden Gate bridge was originally called the Chuck Norris bridge, but it never got used. You dont cross Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris won a shooting competition. He got 11 out of 10 bulls-eyes.... with only 9 bullets. Chuck Norris's keyboards dont have an escape key. There is no escaping Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris won a staring competition against a muppet.

@TheOriginalJphyper Жыл бұрын

The makers of Magic: The Gathering made a Chuck Norris card. It was quickly banned because nobody plays Chuck Norris and lives to tell about it.

@obi-wankenobi1233 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once took down a stealth jet with nothing but a knife.

@scottytecate 10 ай бұрын

In 2005, Chuck Norris found new fame on the Internet when Chuck Norris facts became an Internet meme documenting humorous, fictional, and often absurd feats of strength and endurance. Although Norris himself did not produce the "facts", he was hired to endorse many products that incorporated Chuck Norris facts in advertising. The phenomenon resulted in six books (two of them New York Times bestsellers), two video games, and several appearances on talk shows, such as Late Night with Conan O'Brien, where he read the facts or participated in sketches

@davidwuhrer6704 11 сағат бұрын

Chuck Norris is the only internet meme that never gets old.

@jaobidan2358 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris tried to shave once...But his beard broke the chainsaw.

@SimonTAMG Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork.......... While it's raining..

@benjaminA.stantonpun Жыл бұрын

Why does Superman fly? Because he cannot outrun Chuck Norris. 😉👍

@chrisbowman2030 Жыл бұрын

When Chuck Norris goes into the water, he doesn't get wet. The water becomes Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the Boogeyman under his bed. The boogeyman is afraid if Chuck Norris being under his bed!

@patrickmeister4690 Жыл бұрын

Chick Norris is actually already dead, but Death is to scared to tell him.

@proamateurs4469 Жыл бұрын

There are no streets named after chuck norris, because nobody would dare cross chuck norris.

@allenhanks7719 Жыл бұрын

Chuck drinks bud light and nothing happens

@kyleroy1630 Жыл бұрын

Thats hilarious, im going to use that one.

@Mike-ph5rn Жыл бұрын

Superman wears a Chuck Norris costume for Halloween...

@JosephGauthier Жыл бұрын

The Superman joke was my favorite. I like Superman but always thought it was weird to have him wear underpants over his tights. Lol

@aerisgainsborough2141 Жыл бұрын

phone booths are small...

@nickdejager8873 Жыл бұрын

It's based on old circus strongmen.

@mauricebrocklehurst2358 Жыл бұрын

Yes he taught superman all he knows.

@ronskfc 11 ай бұрын

When Superman goes to bed, he wears Chuck Norris pajamas

@texassweatpants7157 5 ай бұрын

Chuck Norris rubs two ice cubes together to start a fire

@justdoingitjim7095 Жыл бұрын

Chuck Norris once carried a couch up 7 flights of stairs...while still sitting on it! Chuck Norris doesn't flush the commode...he scares the shit out of it!